


Let Me Be Your Call Boy

by auroraphilealis (xrosepetalsx), embarrassing_myself



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Degradation, Eating Disorders, Edging, Escort Service, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Minor Violence, Multiple Orgasms, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Physical Harm, Prostitution, Punishment, Rimming, Sex Addiction, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spanking, Whipping, blowjob lessons, call boy verse, homophobic parents, minor self punishment, self destructive behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-07-11 04:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 263,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7029448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrosepetalsx/pseuds/auroraphilealis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/embarrassing_myself/pseuds/embarrassing_myself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After coming out as gay to his friends on his birthday, the last thing Dan is expecting is to be gifted a call boy as a present, let alone one that’s been paid for for the entire night. Allowing Phil to show him the ropes is his first mistake, paying him to come back every week is his second, and using him to convince his parents he really is gay is his third. As a successful lawyer, the money isn’t the problem - falling in love is. </p><p>Voted First Place in Best Smut and Best Collab in the Phanfic Awards 2016!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 18,581 Words
> 
> For reference, embarrassing-myself is Dan, insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings for this part:** discussion of potential rape/possibility of being taken advantage of, mentions of potential date rape and drugging - none of these things actually occur. Blowjobs, paying for sex, and lots and lots of grinding. 
> 
> Hey guys! [Embarrasing-myself](http://archiveofourown.org/users/embarrassing_myself/pseuds/embarrassing_myself) and and I are back with another RP, completely finished as always, and somehow outstripping [Brick by Brick](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5180303/chapters/11934179) by like 5K words. Our posting schedule will continue to be **once a week on Mondays** , but as you can see, we’ll now be posting to our new [headcanon and RP blog](http://phantasycorp.tumblr.com/) as well as ao3. Another change is the length of the chapters, all pushing or close to 20k each, so I hope you’re ready to settle down for a wild ride! We really hope you guys are going to like this one, because I promise we’ve worked super hard. Enjoy! :)

There were so many constants in Dan’s life that even he found it strange at times. In your twenties, life was meant to be susceptible to change, especially at twenty four. Life could change as easily as the weather. However, for Dan Howell that much wasn’t true. No, he was confident in his personal constants. He knew that some things were not going to change for him. He’d always have money, he’d always live his upper class life style, and he’d always go out for breakfast on his birthday. Some might have considered it boring and predictable; Dan liked to think of it as security.

“Having your usual?” Chris smiled, knowing that Dan didn’t need the menu he was currently flipping through. On the other side of him Peej was laughing lightly.

“Of course,” Dan laughed back. The two had offered to let Dan pick a nicer place, seeing as how it was his birthday, but he had insisted on going to a chain restaurant. “Eggs, bacon, and a side of hash browns,” he said before pushing the menu away all together.

“You couldn’t have gone for a side of pancakes instead this time?” Peej asked as he looked over his own menu.

“Nope, why change it up now?” Dan questioned as he sipped his coffee. Usually, breakfast was reserved for catching up on lost time. Dan hated to admit it, but sometimes he’d go weeks without getting to see either one of them. Work kept him busy, and if he wasn’t working, he’d more than likely be at some function or another that had to do with work.

“Not surprising,” Chris smirked. “So, tell us how you are,” his friend added happily.

“Yes, tell us. There has to be something new in your life, we haven’t seen you for like a month,” Peej chimed in.

The two of them waited patiently for Dan to go on about how things were. Dan knew there wasn’t going to be a better time to say it. He’d waited until he was sure before bringing it up to anyone. Why was so nervous though? These were his friends, he’d known them since he was in high school. He picked the menu pack up nervously, like it might somehow shield him from a negative reaction. “Some things are different,” he said carefully as he forced his hands not to shake.

“Okay, like what?” Chris asked slowly. He’d noticed how Dan’s demeanor had changed. Already, he was concerned that Dan was going to tell them something horrible. “What’s different?” Chris asked again as he and PJ gave Dan their full attention.

Dan swallowed roughly before forcing his eyes off of the table. “I don’t like girls, that’s one thing. I guess that’s not different, more of a realization than anything,” Dan said. His voice was calm and steady. If only his friends knew the effort it took to keep it that way. “I’m gay,” He said, his voice a bit softer with uncertainty now.

His two friends said nothing for what seemed like ages. In reality it was probably only a couple seconds.

“Is that it?” Peej asked finally. It seemed like he was waiting for Dan to add something onto that. “You’re not gay and bankrupt or anything?” He added skeptically. Dan frowned before shaking his head.

“No, just gay,” he said, his eyebrow raising.

“Dan, we thought you were going to say something awful,” Chris said, laughing as he visibly relaxed. “Gay isn’t a problem for us, you know that,” Chris smiled back at Dan. It wasn’t his teasing or chastising one either. Just a true supportive smile.

“Yeah, for a minute there I thought you were about break some bad news to us,” Peej added lightly, his eyes already dropping back to his menu. Dan couldn’t help himself from smiling back at them. Of course they wouldn’t have a problem. He knew he shouldn’t have expected anything else.

“That’s that than, you’re not shocked and dismayed or anything?” he laughed before taking another sip of his drink. Chris was the first to answer.

“I mean, did I assume you were gay? No. I’m not surprised that you are though, it’s not really that shocking,” he shrugged. Dan wasn’t sure how to take that. Their table was silent again for a couple of seconds. It wasn’t the awkward uncomfortable silence either.

It didn’t take long for Peej to break that peaceful understanding though. “So how many guys have you slept with?” he asked while Dan nearly choked on his coffee.

“Peej! At breakfast, seriously?” Dan asked as his eyes scanned over the room, trying to see who might have heard.

“What?! I want to know,” he smiled, but Dan could only send him a disapproving look.

“None, okay, I have…I’m just now…I’m sort of in the discovery mode right now,” he huffed. Leave it to his friends to ask something like that. This time, Chris was the one sending him disapproving looks.

“Why not? Is it harder to find guys to sleep with or something?” he asked while Dan hurried to shush them.

“It just hasn’t happened yet alright?” he hissed back. “Look, here comes the waitress, let’s order,” Dan mumbled. The sooner they left the topic, the better.

For the rest of breakfast, Chris and Peej sent each other knowing glances, and Dan was terrified to find out what they were about, but he ignored them as best as he could in an attempt not to spoil his birthday. Everything went pretty well, up until the end.

“We hate to rush off like this, but we’ll catch up with you later tonight alright!” Chris said as he tossed down a couple bills on the table. Dan stared at them in confusion.

“You haven’t even finished your breakfast yet,” Dan pointed out as he watched the two get up from their seats.

“I know, we’re sort of in a hurry. Tonight though, alright? Ten o’clock, you better be there. We’ll see you then!” Dan didn’t get the chance to say anything else, or even ask where he was meant to be, before they were gone. He sighed before deciding it was better to just get a to go box.

\--

"Ah, fuck, baby!" the man shouted, rutting his hips into Phil's like he was going to die if he didn't find release, and Phil supposed maybe he would. His own hips pivoted roughly against the bed, his cock rubbing against the sheets as he got off, moaning throatily as the man leaned over him. His hands were big and rough against Phil's hips, and if it weren't for Phil's number one rule, the man would probably be trying to leave a bruise. As it was, the man would never see him again as a customer if he did that, and his credit card would automatically be charged for damages. Phil might not be an object, but he sure as hell needed to make a living, and who was going to take a bruised and marked up call boy? No one, that's who.

As it was, the man was relatively good in bed. He used Phil at least once a month, and when he did, Phil at least knew he wouldn't have to get himself off after everything was said and done. He was one of the few clients Phil actually looked forward to seeing. He liked to hear Phil moan, and scream his name, so he was always conscious to at least attempt to find Phil's prostate when he fucked him. That was a definite plus in Phil's book, when he was so often used as nothing other than a disposable fuck toy. Came with the job, he supposed.

It was better when Phil actually got to do the fucking, rather than get fucked. That meant he was in charge, and he always found release on those days. Unfortunately for Phil, most men who wanted him liked to pretend they weren't gay, and refused to take it up the ass. He'd make do with conscientious men like this one, then.

"Yeah, just like that. Take my cock, you whore," the man (and Phil always forgot his name, except for when he was about to come, and somehow the word came flying out of his mouth as if he'd been trained to say it at orgasm) growled, moving one hand off of Phil's waist to fist at his hair and pull his neck back so he could bite at it. "No marks!" Phil managed to pant out around another low moan, feeling the heat beginning to pool in his belly as the man fucked right into his prostate. "Yeah, yeah," the man mumbled, pulling away to thrust harder. His moans and thrusts began to become more erratic and electrified as he fucked Phil harder. Phil could only gasp, arching his back into the man's chest, and craving the contact of his cock in his ass.

It only took a few more seconds for both of them to come, the man filling up the condom as Phil shouted "Markus!" at the top of his lungs, his own cum spurting out against the bed sheets below him. Markus would have to get them cleaned up then.

After that, it was only a few moments of getting dressed, and a quick peck to the lips, and Phil was gone. So Phil Lester was a call boy. Sue him. He enjoyed sex, and he had to make a living somehow, right?

His phone rang.

"Heyo,” Phil greeted, the awkward hello a way to tip off the agency if he was okay or not - heyo meaning he was fine, hello if he was stressed, and hey if things were bad- “Yeah, I'm good. It's over. No damage done."

"Good to hear. You've got a four o'clock, followed by a ten . Marty will take you, as always. The four wants to get fucked, hard, and the ten is apparently a virgin birthday boy his friends have set you up as a surprise for. Have fun."

Phil grinned. Even feeling sated as he currently was, he couldn't help feeling excited. First, he had a definite orgasm incoming, and next, a virgin. Oh, how Phil loved corrupting them.

\--

As far as birthdays went, this hadn’t been the worst one. Despite his friends taking an early leave at breakfast, Dan couldn’t complain. He’d had dinner with the rest of his family and received a few nice gifts.

He knew people struggled to get him things. They’d make comments like ‘how do I know what to get you when you everything you could ever want?’ To that, the only thing Dan could suggest was getting more creative, but he was appreciative none the less.

After the short dinner with his family, Dan thanked everyone before they started to leave. The cake had long since been eaten, and the gifts unwrapped. The only thing left to do was go home.

It was then that Dan realized what he’d promised Chris and Peej. Well, not so much promise. He hadn’t gotten a chance to agree or disagree, and he was only guessing if were he was meant to be was home, but still. As he climbed into his car, he glanced down at his cell phone. It was only nine-thirty. He still had time to get ready for whatever it was they had planned to do.

After Dan made the short drive home, he hurried inside. What was he meant to be dressing for? Did they want him to go out somewhere? Could he just wear what he had on at dinner, or would that be too formal? Dan finally decided on changing out of his slacks and instead putting on a pair of black jeans, just in case they did go somewhere casual. Dan then fixed his hair again before feeling satisfied with his looks. He’d done everything else before dinner.

After looking himself over a couple more times, Dan headed back towards the lounge to wait. He pulled out his phone, waiting for either a text or a call. Before he could even hit send though, somebody was ringing his doorbell. Dan frowned momentarily before hauling himself off the sofa. Neither of them usually knocked. Still he got up and quickly headed towards the door.

\--

Phil ran his hand through his hair, staring at himself in the mirror as he tried to decide what look would be best for the virgin birthday boy. That was half the battle, after all. If the man didn't find him attractive in his clothes, why would he want to take Phil out of them? Either way, Phil knew this was going to be a good night. Some of his favorite jobs included showing men the ropes. He loved to teach people in the art of sex.

Finally deciding the nice blue button up and black slacks would do for this birthday party, Phil left his hair pushed sideways in a fringe rather than the quiff he sometimes wore for the older men.

Marty got him to the birthday party at ten o'clock sharp, and Phil got out of the car leisurely.

"If I don't call you in ten minutes, feel free to come up," he informed him easily. The rules of being a call boy included assuring the people you worked for that you were safe at all times. If you didn't call when you were supposed to, or you didn't answer the phone with the safe word, it would be assumed you were in danger.

Marty tipped his hat at Phil as Phil straightened out his shirt.

"I'll call you when I'm done. Stay near by."

It only took Phil a few minutes to ride the lift up to the penthouse suite at the top of the hotel he'd been told to arrive at, and once the lift doors were opened, he strode right up to the front door, and rung the doorbell.

The man who answered the door was not what Phil had been expecting. He was soft and young, and much too tired for someone in his early twenty's - give or take a few years considering Phil was guessing. He was also ridiculously cute. Exactly Phil's type.

Leaning against the doorframe with his most delicious smirk, Phil tilted his head at the man. "Hey, baby. I heard it's your birthday," he purred, his voice going low and sultry as he reached out to touch the tanned hand of the young man. "Your friends hired me for a little fun," he informed him, leaning in. "I hope you don't mind. I'm sure I can make your birthday...very pleasurable for you, if you'll let me," he said, licking his lips and hoping the young man would say yes. His eyes were wide and terrified, and it was clear he was very unsure about what was happening, but Phil had already known this was supposed to be a surprise. "I promise to take /very/ good care of you, teach you the ropes," he added with a wink.

When Dan finally got the door, he honestly expected it to be someone he knew. When he opened it though, it was clear to him that this was not someone he was familiar with. He was taken back for a moment. The stranger stood in front of him was stunning; pale skin, dark hair, and the most vibrant blue eyes Dan had ever seen. For a couple of seconds, he found himself mesmerized. God he was beautiful. Dan could have sworn he’d just seen sex on legs. Turns out it wasn’t far from the truth. He snapped out of his trance when he heard the other start to go on about his birthday. Dan blinked in confusion. His friends had hired him the man for fun? He watched as a pink tongue ran across soft looking lips. There was something very distinctive in how he leaned into the door frame and how he spoke. Dan could only guess what kind of /fun/ his friends were intending him to have to tonight. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything, or at the very least he should have lied and told them he’d been with multiple men, so many men he couldn’t count them all. How could they do this, who in their right mind would hire somebody for sex? Not even sex for themselves! Dan didn’t know how long he’d been standing there staring at the other man. Probably much too long judging by the silence. “You want to come in?” he asked dumbly. That sounded like a horrible idea. His mouth went slack in slight disbelief as he fumbled around for something to say. Without thinking it over Dan blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “But I don’t even know you.”

The man could only stare at him, looking so incredibly dumbfounded that Phil nearly lost hold of the persona he'd been trying to build up. At the same time, the man was definitely checking him out, which took some of the sting out of his lack of immediate action. Phil was used to having men throw themselves at him. This was...strange, to say the least. And then the man spoke, and Phil’s smirk slipped immediately. This was definitely not par for the course. "Look, honey,” he started, unable to help being offended. “Your friends already paid for me. Actually, they've literally paid for me for the rest of the night. You could send me away, sure, but why? I know men, and I can tell you find my attractive. Why not give it a try? I promise I'll make it worth your while," Phil said, licking his lips lecherously again. It was no skin off his back if this guy decided to send him on his way, and yet, he didn’t want him too. He'd already gotten paid, but Phil found himself incredibly...partial to going through with this tonight. He'd been looking forward to it since he'd fucked his last client, who hadn't been kidding about wanting it rough. The contrast of someone new to his world was delicious. Not to mention he was cute as fuck. Phil just wanted to eat him up.

Dan tried to wrap his mind around why his friends had hired someone for him. Did they really expect him to sleep with the other male, or was it some kind of joke? Maybe not though, not if they’d paid the other beforehand. What made it worse was the fact that the stranger was probably the most perfect creature Dan had ever laid eyes on. Yes, Dan wanted to have the best night of his life with him, but there was no way he could. Besides the fact that he didn’t know the man, Dan had only ever been with women before. It would be humiliating. Even if this beautiful stranger had promised to /show him the ropes/ Dan had never had sex with someone he didn’t know. He’d hooked up at a couple parties, but even then he’d gotten to know the person for at least a few hours first. And yet, the thought was still so tempting. The man already knew Dan found him attractive, so what was the harm? Dan frowned before running his hand across the doorknob. He could very easily just shut the door. He could call his friends and bitch them out for their sense of humor too...but did he really want too? ‘You don’t have to,’ he thought to himself. Dan hesitated for a moment, debating on if he really wanted to. “Do you want to come in?” he mumbled after a long pause. It was a stupid thing to say, but didn’t know how else to take the offer gracefully. He stepped aside nervously before holding the door open, wondering if the other would truly come in. Wasn’t this dangerous? Not just on Dan’s end, but for the man as well. What if Dan was some kind of serial killer? He hurried to push the thought aside and push his nerves away.

Phil smirked again as the man finally invited him in, sounding like he was trying his best not to be an awkward mess and failing miserably. "Sure," he agreed anyway, wanting to reach out and relax him already. The man was hiding behind his fringe as he moved out of the doorway in order to let Phil pass, and it was so adorably innocent. Phil walked into his flat, more surprised than he probably should be by the opulence. This guy had to be loaded to live like this. After looking around for a short while, Phil pulled out his phone and called Marty. "Heyo. Everything's fine," he assured him, turning to face the man with heated eyes. The man blushed as Phil caught him staring, and Phil's smirk grew as he hung up the phone. "Sorry about that. I had to assure my driver I was safe. He'll call about every hour, and if I don't answer, he'll be showing up at your door," Phil explained, not so subtly threatening the man in order to inform him of Phil's safety precautions, though once the sex started Phil was likely to let Marty know he didn’t have to call anymore, as Phil would do the calling if it was needed. He looked around again, trying to familiarize himself with any escape routes he might need to know about, and then turned back to the man once again. "You can relax, you know. I'm not going to jump you. This is about your pleasure, and there are a few rules we need to go over before we get started anyway. Maybe we should sit?" he offered. "And you could maybe tell me your name? I'm Phil, and I promise we won't do anything you don't want." The persona had fallen in the face of the man’s obvious nervousness. Phil had decided this virgin needed a different approach to Phil's usual cocky one. He smiled softly at him as he beckoned the man into the lounge area he'd seen, and then sat gently on the sofa, hoping the man would join him.

Dan watched as the other made a phone call almost immediately upon walking in. At least he was trying to be safe about things? Dan couldn’t help but feel skeptical about it though. Not everyone was like Dan, not everyone was as sane as he considered himself to be. He didn’t know why he was worried for the other, but he was. While Dan considered throwing in the fact that an hour would give a murder plenty of time to kill him, he decided against it. Who was he to lecture this man about safety precautions? Dan was sure he knew more about them then he did. “That’s good,” he mumbled, unsure, as he hurriedly glanced around his own place. After being caught staring, he wasn’t sure where to fix his glance. “You have rules?” Dan asked as he trailed after the stranger in his flat, confused and taken by surprise. There were rules to this kind of thing? Was going to be expected to sign some kind of contract, because that was going to have to be out of the question. All thoughts stopped, however, when he learned the other’s name. Phil. It was perfect. Dan repeated it a couple times over in his mind. “I’m Dan,” he replied, fighting the urge to hold his hand out. Thankfully, Phil was motioning for him to join him in the lounge. Instead of taking a seat right next to him, Dan opted to sit on the other side of the sofa. “It’s nice to meet you,” he cleared his throat as he crossed his legs. This was the strangest birthday gift he’d ever gotten.

Phil smiled as he finally got a name to the cute birthday virgin he was meant to entertain tonight. Dan. What a cutie. Dan sat on the other side of Phil, rather than next to him, but Phil wasn't surprised by this. He'd been expecting something of the like. "It's nice to meet you too. You're very cute," he said slyly. "And to answer your other question, I really only have two rules. For one, I expect you or I to always use a condom, no matter where we’re sticking our dicks. And maybe more importantly, there are to be no marks, bruises, or abrasions to my person. As I said before, I'll give you anything you want. If that means any of the above to /you,/ that's fine. But I have a living to make, and no one wants a call boy who's clearly been marked up by another client. If you do break the rules, I report it to my boss, and she charges your friends credit card for damages. Does that make sense?" he asked, pitting Dan with a more serious look. "Other than that, nothing's off the table. I'm all yours until eight am to do whatever you like with," he assured him, smirking at him again. "And I promise to show you a good time. Unless all you want to do is talk, in which case I'll never lay a hand on you. Consent is key," Phil insisted, wanting to reach out and touch Dan's hand, as it was clear he was still nervous, but knowing that would not only most likely not be appreciated, but would be in exact opposition to what he’d just said. He got the feeling, though, that Dan was going to take him up on that offer to talk. Phil was prepared for this; it was common for him to make up a false persona for himself that would ensure none of his clients could track him down. But sometimes he was a little more honest, and to establish trust with Dan, he was already leaning in that direction. If Dan asked an invasive question, he could always just refuse to answer. Dan didn't seem to want the fantasy life that many of Phil's clients sought after. He seemed more the type for romance, and something real. It made him wonder why his friends had thought a call boy was a good birthday present. Of course, Phil could be wrong, but he doubted that. After six years in this profession, he thought he had a pretty good read on people.

The thought of Phil’s rules kind of saddened Dan. He knew he was probably taking it wrong, but the way Phil had said ‘damages’ made him think of goods that could be bought, like a buyable product that needed to be in excellent condition if it was going to be sold again. Phil didn’t seem worried though, so Dan tried not to dwell on that. He’d said he was a call boy, which must mean something different than a prostitute. He didn’t know what the difference was, but he was assuming that there must be some distinct ones, ones like the whole no marks thing. “I don’t want to leave marks on you,” Dan said softly. He didn’t want to hurt Phil. He didn’t know how inflicting pain could get someone off. Maybe people had left marks before accidentally? It seemed like a person would know that they were doing though. “But yes, it makes sense,” he nodded after a moment. Nothing else was off the table though. Still, that didn’t mean a whole lot to Dan, who had next to no experience with men and very little with women. Dan didn’t have the slightest clue what to do with Phil. It seemed like it would be hard to sit and talk to him all night. Actually it seemed a bit pathetic, like he had to pay someone for their company because he couldn’t get anyone else for free. Not that he’d been the one who’d paid, but still. He glanced around again trying to find the answers he was looking for, as if they might magically appear to him. He was going to kill his friends when he saw them next. They had no idea the awkward kind of situation they’d just put him. Dan had a fleeting thought that they might be very aware. “Can I get you a drink?” Dan asked suddenly. “Or is that like…do you not do that, or? I mean, would like to watch me make you a drink?” Dan stumbled over his words, hoping Phil would understood. He didn’t want the other to think he was trying to drug him up. “I think I’m going to have a drink,” he mumbled more to himself than Phil, and stood up.

They were silent as Dan seemingly tried to figure out what to do with himself after Phil had laid out his rules. His gaze wandered around his own lounge as if it would give him an idea of what to do, and Phil was just about to speak up and ask Dan to talk when the other started speaking. He raised a brow as Dan tripped over his words, seeming unsure of himself even in the less sexual aspects of being around Phil. "I would like to watch you make me a drink, yes," he agreed blatantly. "Although normally, my client's don't offer." Phil had a personal rule that he only had one glass of anything he was offered, in case things went horribly wrong, but he was starting to think it would be more for Dan's benefit than anyone else's that they shared a drink together. Phil stood. "Come on, sweetie. I could even make you a drink, if you'd prefer? I like to mix cocktails," he assured him with a small wink. "Might loosen you up a little." He couldn't help the small remark, just wanting Dan to know there was no point in hiding from him. As Phil offered Dan his hand, he watched the other male eye him up for a second, and then take the offer. He smiled to himself, pleased. "Maybe if we started with some questions, that might help. I'm open to anything. I'm sure, considering you weren't the one to call my agency, you have no idea what I am, correct?"

Phil had mentioned that consent was key. If he hadn’t, Dan might have been a little concerned that Phil would be the one slipping something into his drink. It was good though that Dan had found something he could do with Phil, even if it wasn’t what they were intended to be doing. “I don’t know why they wouldn’t offer you something, aren’t you a guest in their home?” he found himself asking. Dan’s upbringing had been nothing short of proper. In his home, being polite was mandatory at all times. It seemed like Phil would usually decline the offer of a drink though, though he couldn’t be sure. “You don’t have to make my drink, unless you’re sure about not minding?” Dan questioned, wanting to give Phil a way out in case he didn’t exactly want to mix drinks for him. They walked hand in hand towards the kitchen. Dan couldn’t help but enjoy the small contact. Phil’s hand was warm and soft in his own. He had to force himself to let go once they did reach the kitchen. “No, I’m not exactly sure what your uh…profession is,” Dan said as he started to head towards the cabinet to grab everything.

Phil couldn't help laughing as Dan misunderstood him, turning to smile at him. "No, they usually offer. They just don't offer to let me monitor them as they do so," he corrected him, giving him a small wink as they walked to the kitchen. No, his clientele didn't usually think of offering like Dan had. He seemed incredibly concerned that he do everything right by Phil, including making him feel safe. It was...new. And heartwarming, if Phil was honest. Dan was definitely a cutie. "But I usually keep an eye on them anyway, and if I'm not given the chance, I quick distraction and swap of our drinks is a good enough action," he explained to Dan. Once they reached the kitchen, Dan was letting go of Phil's hand almost reluctantly, and Phil was going behind the kitchen counter to look through Dan's extensive liquor cabinet which was on full view. After picking a few drinks out, he rummaged through the fridge for a lemon as well, and then retrieved two glasses. "No, I promise I don't mind. I enjoy mixing drinks," he assured Dan as he moved around, humming softly to himself as he went, and able to feel Dan's eyes on his ass every time he happened to bend over. He had to suppress his grin so Dan wouldn't know he could tell. "Well, they call me a call boy. I work for an agency that basically keeps me safe. They do a quick search on all of my clients before sending me off, and I already explained to you our safety precautions, just in case. Basically, I get paid to have sex. Essentially, that makes me a prostitute, but I'm a high rise one, and it costs a hell of a lot more money to hire me than it would someone off the street. I only technically have a pimp, and even then, I take home a much larger portion of the money I earn than someone on the streets. Plus, less danger. It's a requirement that I get STD tested monthly, and all my clients have to wear a condom or they pay my medical bills if they give me a disease. The majority of people don't want to have to admit to hiring a prostitute though, regardless of what he's called, and my agency isn't afraid to get the law involved, so. Much safer," he explained, starting to mix him and Dan a drink in plain sight of the man so he wouldn't feel any more nervous than he already did.

It sounded safe. They certainly took more precautions than the normal prostitutes like the ones he seen sometimes late at night on the rough side of the city. At least that’s what Dan was assuming, he couldn’t honestly be certain. Still, he couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling he had. Dan didn’t want to say that he felt any real worry for Phil, but he honestly did. He’d known him for a total of what, ten minutes? He couldn’t help it though. How could having sex with people you don’t know be safe? Even if someone did do background checks or Phil had someone who’d call him every hour. God forbid something did go wrong. Wouldn’t it be emotionally traumatizing? Calling the police and charging credit cards couldn’t bring back the feeling of safety. Dan shook his head. No, he refused to think about those things. He didn’t know Phil, and he’d never see him again after tonight; there was no reason to feel concern or fear for a person he’d never cross paths with again. Phil knew what he was doing, this was his…job. And Dan couldn’t doubt that he seemed to be good at his job. “Right, safe,” he nodded quickly. “What did you do before you were a um, a call boy?” he asked, clearing his throat again. His eyes had once again flickered to Phil’s ass. Great, now he felt like a pervert. He felt like he was disrespecting Phil in a way. How could he be though when the whole intention of this /encounter/ was for them to have sex, something Dan didn’t know if he could do, didn’t know if he wanted to.

Phil could see Dan's mind working a mile a minute. He wished he could get into the other man's head almost desperately as he worked on their drinks. His eyes kept flickering up to Dan's as he turned again to find some juice to sweeten the taste. When he came back, Dan was asking him another question that Phil wasn't sure he wanted to answer. "Nothing," he ended up admitting truthfully. "I got into this when I was twenty. Six years of being a call boy, and a few odds jobs here and there as a teenager before that." Okay, so his response was only mostly truthful. Phil actually had a second job, but it wasn't something he discussed with anyone anywhere, not even the agency. No one needed to know that his only profession was /not/ having sex with people for money. "But tell me what else is going in that pretty little head of yours. You seem...concerned. Distracted," Phil commented, pushing Dan's drink over to him and lifting his own to his lips. He sipped at, enjoying the taste, and swirled it around in his mouth for a bit before swallowing. He stared at Dan as he did so, knowing how his adam's apple would bob, and enjoying the way Dan’s eyes trailed after the movement. The way his eyes widened, showing clear desire and want, made Phil think of other things he could swallow, and boy did he want to swallow. He’d love to get his mouth on Dan, taking everything he had, swallowing his cum as he came...True, he was meant to use a condom even during blow jobs, but...Phil could bend the rules from time to time, and he definitely wanted to swallow around Dan. He watched the man's eyes follow the movement of his throat, and tried not to smirk.

Dan nodded thoughtfully as he took in what Phil had said. He’d never had another job before this. Dan couldn’t decide if this was something Phil enjoyed doing, or something he felt like he had to do. He chewed his lip as he thought about it. “Thank you,” he said lightly as he was drug away from his thoughts. Instead, Phil had finished his drink and was sliding it over to him. Dan brought it up to his lips and took a sip. Another thing he couldn’t figure out was what he was doing with Phil. Was this how the night was going to play out? With the two of them talking and sharing a drink? He suddenly decided that he wouldn’t exactly hate that. Before he realized it though, Phil was asking him a question. “This wasn’t a gift I was expecting,” he admitted as he took another sip. “That’s all,” he said hoping that would be a decent enough answer for the other. It didn’t change the fact that Phil was still beautiful and he couldn’t take his eyes off him as he brought his drink to his lips a second time. All he could manage to look at was the way Phil’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

Phil nodded his head slowly, watching as Dan brought the drink to his lips twice, gaze fixated on Phil. "Fair enough. Must be strange to have your friends pay for you to have sex on your birthday. Does talking calm you down, Dan?" Phil asked, situating himself against the kitchen counter so more of his body was on view, even across the way. He brought his drink to his lips again, itching to not only get Dan naked, but learn what he did and didn't know. "I know you're probably peeved at them, so I figure this isn't going to make it too much worse, but I wasn't lying when I said I'd show you the ropes tonight, if you want. They informed my agency that you were a virgin. They wanted them to send the best of the best, but also the most patient. Are you a patient lover, Dan?" Phil asked.

“I’m not exactly a virgin,” Dan frowned. “I’ve been with people,” he said, knowing he probably sounded like a fourteen year old trying to convince his friends that he was experienced. He fidgeted in his seat for a moment, searching for the right words. “I’ve just never done anything with a male before,” Dan added, his voice growing softer. Nothing wasn’t an exaggeration either. To be fair though, he’d only made the connection between men and his sexual orientation not too long ago. “I haven’t had time,” he said, sitting up a bit straighter. “If I’m talking then at least I’m doing something,” he sighed as he looked back at Phil. Long legs, a perfect body, and a gorgeous face. How could he not want that? Still it somehow felt so out of reach even as Phil was offering himself up. “I suppose I’m patient,” he shrugged before forcing his eyes off Phil.

"Dan," Phil asked, surprised and curious at the fact that Dan had never been with another man before. "When did you realize you...were attracted to men?" he wondered. He didn't intend to feel concerned, and there was no reason to, but Phil knew how hard it could be to fight with your sexual orientation. He was truly curious to know how long the struggle had been for Dan to not have had the chance to experiment. Plus, Dan had said talking gave him something to do, and the unspoken part was that Dan needed something to keep his mind off of Phil and what he was here for. "Just so you know, it's not so different from being with a women," he assured Dan, though he knew there was still plenty he could teach him. There were so many pleasures that a women didn't think to give a man, and it was by no means their fault. Dan shrugged at Phil's second question, appearing flustered, but obviously trying to hide it. "It's fine if you aren't. I can teach you patience," he said with a teasing wink. "Or I could give it to you hard and fast. I have to say, though, if you wanted my expert opinion, patience is the key." He smirked, sipping at his drink again.

It should have been an easy question to answer. When did he realize that he wasn’t attracted to women? If only it was that easy. “A lot of people say ‘I’ve always known.’ I don’t think I’m one of those people though,” Dan said as he moved his glass back to his lips for another drink. “Everyone was always talking about how great sex was. How it was the most mind blowing experience they’d ever had, or how they couldn’t wait to get laid again,” Dan mumbled before shaking his head. “It wasn’t ever like that for me. It was…okay, but it wasn’t anything wonderful. My eyes never rolled back in my head, and I never felt those moments of passion I thought I would. I mean, it felt good, until it all started to feel wrong,” he said, sighing as he vented to Phil. Here he was on his birthday, explaining his fight with his sexuality to a call boy. Never once had he thought he would be in this situation. “A couple months ago I realized that I didn’t want women, that I was attracted to men and that I wanted to be with a man, physically and in every other,” he explained, sipping at his drink again before setting it back down on the table. He felt his face heat up at the thought of doing /anything/ with Phil, as the situation was brought up again. “I guess I wouldn’t really know,” he laughed lightly, trying hard to hide his embarrassment that he wasn’t even sure if he liked slow or fast sex, which was better in the long run. “Anytime I’ve been with a women I more or less rushed it, sort of wanted it to be over with already,” Dan said, finding himself staring at Phil one again. He really was beautiful. The longer he looked, the more he wanted to touch, and the alcohol was definitely helping.

Phil listened in a quiet kind of awe, having never been through that himself. He'd kind of just always known he was gay, and other than one attempt to be with a girl, he'd given it up. "Must have been weird, to not know why you weren't feeling that burn of passion everyone else always spoke of. But you've still never had that, have you?" he mused, watching Dan began to loosen up as the alcohol soaked into his system. He was looking at Phil more openly now. Phil smirked, stretching out again. "When did everything go wrong?" he asked, wanting to keep Dan talking until he made the first move, but also curious. Phil loved the sex that came with being a call boy, sure, but the gossip was to die for. Phil loved hearing people's life stories. "Oh, baby. There are so many things I could teach you. I'll make it so good for you, I promise," he assured Dan with a soft smile, rather than his previous smirk. "I bet no ones treated you well. You're so cute. You deserve better. And you deserve that passion in your life that you've been missing," he said as sincerely as he could. He couldn't imagine having mediocre sex when it was supposed to be so much more, especially when the reason for it was because Dan had been with a gender he wasn't even attracted to.

“I guess this last year really,” he said as he thought back to his last previous encounter with a woman. “I knew things weren’t going well in general, but last time I didn’t even-I couldn’t finish,” Dan fumbled over his words, hesitating as he admitted something so personal to Phil. “It was humiliating, but enlightening.” He laughed again, hoping to ease some of his own discomfort. “I really wanted to want it, but I couldn’t bring myself to. All I could think about was how much better it would be if she was a he,” Dan said before he decided to finish off his drink. Dan didn’t know what was harder, answering Phil’s questions, or trying hard not to ask his own. He wanted to know why Phil was a call boy. He wanted to know what made sex for him so great. Dan also wanted to know why he was willing to have sex with someone who he might not even be interested in. It sort of stung to know that Phil wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the money. His company had to be bought. Dan knew that and he didn’t blame Phil. This was his job. Still, he felt like he should give him the offer. “You know, you don’t have to stay or anything, not if you don’t want to. I know it’s your job. Even if you like your job, I’m sure you don’t /always/ want to do it. I get that. Nobody is really out but my friends,” Dan said before sending Phil a reassuring smile. He didn’t add how he would like for the other to stay though.

Phil's eyes widened in interest and horror. He could only imagine just how humiliating that must have been for Dan, but it made sense. Phil shuddered at the very thought of seeing a naked girl /in that way/, let alone trying to have sex with her. He didn't know how Dan had taken it so long. "Wow. I guess that made things pretty clear for you though didn't it?" He refused to laugh, even if it was just an awkward one meant to relieve the tension. That was a horrible thing to laugh at. Phil was startled, however, when Dan finished his drink and offered for Phil to leave. "I - what?" Phil asked, dumbfounded. "Dan. Look. You're actually really fucking hot, and I actually really like sex. You might even call me a sex addict. I honestly wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. I /want/ to pleasure you. I /want/ to show you what it's like to be with a man. I /want/ to show you what real pleasure is. Virgins are my favorite. Let me show you a good time? I honestly just want to eat you up, at this point," he admitted, licking his lips for emphasis. "You're attractive, okay? My most attractive client to date. Exactly my type, even. Unless /you/ don't want to have sex with me, I would like to stay."

“I want you to stay too,” Dan said, a sense of relief flooding through him. Maybe it was the fact that Phil was telling him he wanted to be there, maybe it was the drink that allowed him to tell the truth, but either way, Dan was realizing just how much he wanted the other to stay. The relief he felt was short lived though. He was becoming nervous all over again. Phil was saying all these things, telling him how he thought he was attractive, that he wanted to make him feel good, that he didn’t care if Dan had never been with another guy before, and it was a little bit overwhelming. “We’ll go slow right?” he asked, and God how he hated how he sounded like a virgin. “I just, don’t be too disappointed if I’m not any good,” he said, trying hard to smile again. /Was this really happening?/ He wondered. He was suddenly glad he’d finished his drink. He felt like his hands would shake too much to try and drink from his glass anyway.

Phil was definitely right about one thing. Dan was /incredibly/ cute. Not only had he admitted to just how much he wanted Phil to stay, he'd also requested to go slow. He didn't want to /disappoint/ Phil. Smirking devilishly, Phil leaned over the kitchen counter. "Don't you worry about that, baby. You won't disappoint me. I'm going to take /such/ good care of you." He licked his lips again. "And we'll go as slow as you like. What do you want to try, baby? Your wish is my command."

For a moment, Dan wasn’t sure he could really do this. However, when Phil licked his lips and leaned over the counter like that, how could Dan even pretend to not want to? His mind was already made up. Fuck it, why couldn’t he? Phil was telling him yes and everything else inside of him was agreeing. There was no real reason for him to turn Phil away. “Can I uh-can I kiss you?” he asked carefully. Phil hadn’t said anything about kissing when he went over the rules, but Dan wanted to be sure. “Would that be alright?” he asked again as he slowly leaned in some. Dan was willing to take anything Phil was offering. Still, he’d ached to brush their lips together since the other had gotten there. Already his thoughts were spinning with what he wanted.

Phil's smirk broadened. "You want to kiss me?" he teased, unable to help himself. "I'd very much like that," he agreed, leaning further in. He'd wanted to kiss Dan since he'd first caught sight of him. Phil absolutely loved kissing. It was one of his favourite aspects of sex. The feel of someone's lips against his, or their tongue inside his mouth, was something particularly amazing. When Dan didn't lean any further in, Phil decided he would have to be the one to initiate it, and pushed himself the final inch to press his lips up against Dan's. Within seconds of their lips colliding, Dan was moaning, his lips parting against Phil’s like he was the most desperate man on the face of the Earth. The easy parting sent a spark through Phil he didn’t often get with his partners, and he sighed against Dan as well, pulling back only for a moment before pressing back in gently. Dan wanted slow, so Phil would give him slow, pressing chaste kiss after chaste kiss to Dan’s lips, drawing him in only to pull back and find Dan following him mindlessly. It made Phil laugh, but he covered it up by kissing Dan again, knowing how easy it would be to press his tongue inside Dan’s mouth and absolutely devour him with the way Dan was already open for him, but he held back, sucking Dan’s bottom lip into his mouth and savoring the sound of Dan’s responding moan. Phil took it one step further, his fingers reaching up to thread through Dan’s soft brown hair, and nibbled at his lip just to really set Dan off. Finally satisfied with that electric first kiss, Phil pulled away. "Find that passion you've been looking for? That spark?" Phil questioned, already knowing the answer.

The feeling of Phil’s lips against his own was amazing. Kissing had never meant that much to him. It turned out he was just kissing the wrong person. It was single handedly the best kiss he’d ever gotten. Before he knew it, he was moaning into the kiss, that was literally how good it felt. As soon as realized the sound he’d made though, Dan felt the need to pull away. While he wanted let Phil to keep sucking and nibbling at his lower lip, he didn’t think he could. However, before he even got the chance to move away, Phil’s hands were in his hair keeping him firmly in place. Dan wasn’t even ashamed of the next moan that escaped him. Already, he could feel himself growing hard, his cock twitching. When Phil finally did pull away, Dan was breathless. He was nodding dumbly at Phil’s question, his mouth still slightly open. “Found it,” he mumbled softly. He’d been scared that he’d never feel it. That he’d never want someone so badly. It was one thing to see it in the movies, it was completely different to experience it though. And it had only been a kiss, that was it.

Phil couldn't get over the way Dan looked, the way he sounded as he replied to Phil, his eyes glazed over with desire. Oh, how Phil loved to see that look. He climbed on top of the kitchen counter, on his hands and knees, and got right back into Dan's face. He wanted to climb down and into Dan's lap, but he wasn't sure if he'd be okay with that. Still, he paused for just a second to pull out his phone, and sent a pre-programmed mesaage to Marty to let him know he’d call if he was needed now, and definitely the second the sex was over, and then he turned his attention back to Dan and began to speak again. "I bet you've never been treated right. The things I could show you, Dan. You think that felt good? Wait until I get my hands on you, my mouth. There are so many ways to pleasure a man, and I bet all you know is how to shove your cock inside someone's cunt." Phil grabbed at Dan's chin and drew him in, breathing steadily against his lips. "Tonight, I'll show you real pleasure," he assured him, and then kissed him again, brutal and deep this time. Their mouths crashed together, and Phil immediately turned his head, licking into Dan's willing mouth. The man moaned underneath him, and Phil rarely had someone so responsive in his hands. It was amazing. He loved the sounds, devoured them with his tongue as he kissed Dan harder, licking at his tongue and pressing against it. Dan was so obedient underneath him as well, soft and good. He was definitely a good kisser, regardless of what he thought, and it only turned Phil on further. He didn't know how far they were going to get tonight, but Phil didn't care. He'd jerk off if he had too. The sight of Dan, laid out and spent on the bed, would surely be enough fodder. Phil moaned at the thought, and coaxed Dan's tongue into his own mouth, wanting Dan to have a chance to lead the kiss. The man was nervous, careful as he twined his tongue was Phil's, drawing away only to nip at Phil's lip. A startled laugh broke from Phil, and his eyes flickered open to find Dan smiling as he lent back in for another kiss. Phil let him, enjoying the way their lips smacked as they came together. "Can I straddle you?" Phil asked between kisses, urging Dan to press into his mouth.

Dan could feel his cock twitch further as Phil climbed onto the counter. He really was sex on legs. Dan had never seen a more attractive person before. Phil was incredibly hot, but not only that. He was there for Dan. There was nobody else but them. And his words, Dan didn’t even want to get started on the other’s words. Nobody had ever said the things Phil said to him, promising pleasure and keeping it just on the dirty side. Before he knew it, Phil was kissing him again. Their lips clashed together, everything was tongue and lips for Dan. He opened his mouth further so that he might have more of Phil, somebody he hadn’t even realized he’d wanted so badly. He’d tangled their tongues together, but eventually, Phil had pulled away again. When Phil asked if he could climb into his lap, Dan nodded hurriedly. “Please?” Dan wanted to have Phil in his lap, wanted his hands on him so badly.

Phil shuddered at Dan's small 'please.' His eyes were already so glazed over, but even in his desire for Phil, he was so quiet and needy. Responsive, but careful. Submissive. Unsure. Phil loved it, and immediately climbed into Dan’s lap, making room for himself to straddle him. "So good for me already, baby," Phil whispered, his words a breath against Dan's ear. "You like this? Me on top of you, pressing into you? Touch me, Dan. Take your time. This is your chance to explore," Phil continued, sucking at Dan's ear as soon as he was done. He tangled his own hands in Dan's hair as Dan's trembling hands came up to touch his sides, his slow exploration beginning. Phil encouraged him with small noises of pleasure, moving his lips down the side of Dan's face to press them to Dan's neck. "Ever had a hickey, love?" he asked, nipping gently and enjoying the way Dan's hips bucked up. He could feel the man's erection straining already, pressing into his ass. "'S different, with a man, isn't it? 'S better..."

To say that Dan liked it was an understatement. He didn’t remember when someone had ever gotten him as hard as he was before in such a short amount of time. Never, probably. “I love it,” he said breathlessly. Dan could have sworn he was going lightheaded with the opportunity he was being given. No rushing, no judging, and no hesitation. He was being allowed to touch Phil. He felt shivers run across his skin as he felt Phil’s lips at his ear. Slowly, with shaking hands, he brought his hands up to Phil’s sides, running them up and down a couple times. Once again Phil was encouraging him and making the sweetest of sounds. He glanced at Phil with uncertainly before he decided to push his hands just under the hem of his shirt. His skin was warm and perfect under Dan’s touch. He didn’t get the chance to answer back though, as soon enough Phil’s lips were moving again, eventually settling at his neck. “So much better,” he groaned as he bucked his hips again. Phil’s ass was pressing down into his erection and Dan didn’t know how he was still breathing. “So good,” he added with a small nod. He moved his hands to press against Phil’s lower back before moving them around to the front again. Slowly he pushed further up Phil’s shirt.

Phil grinned as Dan began to pant under him, his words breathy and wonton. Phil hadn't gotten someone this hot for him this fast in a very long time. He couldn't help wondering if Dan would always be like this, or if it was just because he was new to being touched by a man. Warm hands pressed up under Phil's shirt until Dan was caressing his skin, fingers fumbling at Phil's lower back. Phil mewled into the touch, arching his back so Dan would press harder. Dan did, but moved his hands around to the front instead, starting to push more of Phil's shirt off. To encourage him, Phil pulled back a bit to yank his shirt over his head. "You didn't answer me, Dan. Have you ever had a hickey? Cause I wanna give you one," he teased, leaning back down to re-tangle his hands in Dan's hair and press his lips to Dan's neck. He sucked slightly, laving at the tender area with his tongue, encouraging Dan to ask him for that hickey. He didn't know if Dan was new to the sensation or not, or if he was against being marked or not, but Phil loved having his mouth all over someone's neck, so he just continued to lick at the tender area as he waited for a response, refusing to move his body so he could let Dan set the pace.

Dan eyed Phil’s chest with nothing short of want. He realized that Phil would allow him to touch. He wouldn’t tell him no when he moved his hands back to that perfect skin of his. As soon as his shirt was off, Dan was running his fingers across pale flesh. “Huh?” he asked stupidly. He’d forgotten all about the question. Before he could answer though, he was moaning as he felt Phil’s hot wet lips against his neck. “I’ve never had a hickey,” he admitted as he brushed his fingers over one of Phil’s nipples. “I want you to though. I want you to leave one,” he mumbled, so lost in all the sensations he was feeling that he wasn’t even thinking straight. If he’d ever had any doubt about being gay, this had surely cleared it up for him. He moaned again when he felt Phil’s tongue lapping at his neck, his mouth sucking lightly every now and then. Again, anything Phil was offering Dan he’d take without question. “You feel so good, your skin, your mouth,” Dan muttered, trying hard to understand how a person /could/ feel that good.

Phil grinned as Dan informed him that he'd never been given a hickey, sounding ridiculously distracted as he ran his hands all over Phil's chest, fingers running over Phil's nipples in fascination. Phil moaned lightly against Dan's neck when he did so. He couldn't help it when he ground his hips down, deciding to take Dan up on that offer as he trailed his lips lower to his collarbones where he bit down before sucking roughly. Finally, he pulled his hands out of Dan's hair and ran them down Dan's back, enjoying the taste of Dan's skin and the way the man moaned under his touch. He sucked harder, dragging his nails lightly against Dan's skin as he did so, nibbling again before finally drawing away. He pressed his finger to the hickey he'd left, feeling satisfied with the dark purple mark. "Mm, looks good on you," he hummed teasingly, rolling his hips down a little again just because he could. Phil moved his mouth back to Dan's again in order to swallow down all of the sounds he was making, and licked into his mouth. He liked the way Dan accepted him without hesitation and didn't slobber all over Phil like some of Phil's clients did. As he drew away, he asked, "What do you want tonight, Dan? Slow exploration of each others bodies? A hand job? A blow job? Do you just want to grind on each other? How can I please you? What can I teach you?"

He hadn’t thought his neck could be so sensitive, and not in the bad way either. Usually, he didn’t like anyone touching his neck, but it was different when it was Phil. Phil was the only one who could manage to make it feel so good. He gasped when he felt Phil start to roll his hips down again. Then the others mouth was back on his, licking into his mouth and making Dan feel like he could melt right then and there. How did he answer Phil’s question? He wasn’t sure what he wanted. Yet he was waiting patiently for his answer and Dan felt like he needed to make up his mind. “Could you, would it be alright…” Dan frowned as he found himself fumbling over his words, his voice giving away all his insecurities. “Will you blow me?” Dan asked, his cock straining at the idea while his face threatened to heat up again. “Or I can just-we can just keep doing this, I don’t care,” Dan hurried to add. He didn’t want to take from Phil. Even though he was being paid to give Dan whatever he wanted, Dan wanted Phil to have a say. “You just feel so good against me.” He sighed as he bucked his hips again, dying for some kind of friction. Doing this with Phil felt so good. It might not be enough exactly, but it was still more than he’d ever thought he was going to have. At least know he knew he /could/ feel amazing with a person.

There he went again, making Phil smile gently down at him. He was just so cute in his hesitation. Phil just wanted to hug Dan. He'd never had someone ask him for something so sweetly. Phil cupped Dan's face with his hands and drew him close to snag his bottom lip with his teeth, dragging it towards himself before letting it ping back. He smiled at Dan. "Whatever you want, love. I just want to pleasure you," Phil promised him, ducking his face down again to nip at Dan's neck. A whole body shudder informed Phil just how much Dan liked that as he pulled back away again, grinning. Though he knew Dan was going to protest at this, Phil climbed off of his lap. "Come on, love. To your bedroom we go. I want to touch all of you, get my mouth everywhere. Maybe grind on you for a while. Gonna make you see stars, Dan. Gonna blow you away," Phil murmured hotly to him, dragging Dan into a standing position and then into his own body so he could roll his hips forward into Dan's. The man’s breathing hitched, and Phil dragged him into another kiss.

Dan closed his eyes as he felt Phil pulling at his bottom lip. It wasn’t until he felt Phil at his neck did he bother to open them again. He tilted his head some, silently asking for more, yet he could feel the other pulling back some and then eventually he climbed off Dan’s lap all together. He couldn’t be too disappointed, not when Phil was bringing up Dan’s bedroom and insisting they get there. Dan was more than willing to let Phil pull him up out of his own chair. “Fuck,” he mumbled into their kiss. He could feel Phil rutting into him and instantly his hands were on the other’s hips. His touch was light though, and Dan stayed cautious, like Phil might ask him to stop at any point. He moaned again as he made to deepen the kiss. To think he’d been wasting all this time with women. Phil was quickly making up for lost time though. Dan already felt lightheaded with want. “The bedroom is this way?” he whispered as soon as he was able to pull away. He pulled Phil in the direction of his room, his hands still comfortably at the other’s waist.

Dan's hands finally came down on Phil's hips, though his touch was ridiculously light, as he muttered an expletive. The sound made Phil grin into the kiss until Dan pulled away to inform him of where his bedroom was. Slowly, Dan led Phil backwards, hands still on his hips, towards his bedroom. Dan still looked dazed, but he also had a smile on his face now that reassured Phil he was feeling better about what they were about to do. Smiling back at Dan, Phil leaned in for a few quick pecks in rhythm with their steps. "You're so cute, Dan," Phil teased, nipping at his bottom lip again. "And sweet. I love my men sweet," he purred. "But you can hold me tighter. I won't break." Soon enough, they were pushing backwards into Dan's bedroom, wherein Phil started pushing Dan back until his knees hit the edge of the bed and he went sprawling. Immediately, Phil climbed on top of him and resumed kissing him.

Even though Phil was reassuring him that it was alright to hold tighter, Dan was still a bit unsure of himself. He’d done this with girls before, that didn’t mean much though. Not in this situation. Everything was different; better, but still different. Either way, he forced his hands to hold Phil’s hips a little more firmly as they pushed backwards into the bedroom. It wasn’t long afterwards that Dan felt the back of his knees hit the bed, and like that, he was down against the mattress with Phil on top of him. Their lips connected again and Dan was once again moaning, arching his hips up further. “You feel so good,” Dan mumbled into the kiss before he shyly asked for entrance to Phil’s mouth. His tongue lightly ran across Phil’s bottom one as he moved a hand to his lower back.

Now they were getting somewhere. Dan's hips arched upwards and into Phil's while he moaned pleasing words against Phil's lips. His tongue came out to play at Phil's bottom lip, informing Phil that Dan was definitely starting to gain some confidence. Opening his mouth to him, Phil finally pressed his hands up the hem of Dan's shirt to play with his skin, his fingers running in long curls up and down Dan's stomach, slowly inching further up to press against his nipples. Phil felt Dan moan into the kiss, and smirked, tweaking Dan's nipples with both hands and playing with them between his fingers. He rolled his hips down so Dan would be assured that he was aroused as well and so that he could give Dan a release of pleasure. "I'll feel even better if you let me get your clothes off," Phil mumbled against Dan's lips, letting the man have control over his own exploration. "Want you to touch me, Dan. Get familiar with the feel of a man under your fingertips. Do you want that, too? Before I get my mouth all over you and make you forget your own name."

He sunk his teeth into his lower lip when he felt Phil rolling their hips together. Phil’s hardness was shifted against his own and Dan closed his eyes. Other than that, Phil’s fingers were brushing against his nipples and tweaking them slowly. “Please?” He asked again in response to Phil’s statement. Anything that could better he wanted to do. “I want that more than anything,” he gasped, rolling his hips again to find Phil’s. “Wanna touch you,” he mumbled. “I want to touch every part for you,” Dan groaned. He wanted to explore Phil’s body. He wanted to learn every difference there was from a female’s body. His own fingertips were already at Phil’s waistband, not yet sliding any further but making themselves known. Most of all though, he wanted Phil's mouth on him, all over him.

Phil pressed his hips harder down against Dan's when the other male pleaded with him again. Phil had gotten used to his clients demanding from him, not begging for him, and it was something Phil greatly missed. Rarely did he get a client who wanted him to take control the way Dan did. Rarely did Phil get to be the one teaching someone about his own body. These were the days Phil lived for. Sex could get monotonous at times, though no less pleasurable, in Phil's opinion, and he couldn't deny that Dan's touch sent more sparks up and down Phil's spine than most other people's did. There was something extra about Phil's attraction to Dan that he knew was going to make the sex some of the best he'd ever had, even if he didn't get to fuck Dan before he left. He didn't know if Dan would ever invite him back, so he would revel in the pleasure spiking through him while he could. "Sit up," Phil encouraged, pulling the hem of Dan's shirt up and over his head the moment he was given the chance. With Dan bare chested for him, Phil leaned down and sucked at his collarbones, nipping and biting to leave marks and loving the way Dan arched his body into Phil's mouth. "Touch me, Dan. Set the pace. This is for you, love. Touch me all over. Wanna make you feel good, give you exactly what you want," he murmured as he continued to trail his mouth all over Dan's chest. It turned out Dan's nipples were particularly sensitive, as the moment Phil laved his tongue over them, Dan cried out, bucking his hips, and his tentative touch on Phil's hips finally tightened.

 

Dan was quick to sit up like Phil asked. As soon as he did his shirt was being pulled and tossed aside. It was one of the best decisions he’d ever made, because as soon as his shirt was off, Phil’s lips were on him. Dan was arching and silently begging for more. Phil was sucking and nipping at skin. It was amazing. He wanted it to last forever, just the feeling of Phil leaving marks against his collarbone was enough to get his cock pulsating. Then Phil was whispering to him, mumbling some of the best words he’d ever heard. They were some of the best things that had ever been directed to him. He’d never been allowed to just touch and explore, not that he’d wanted to do much of that before now. Slowly, he brought his hands to Phil’s belly. His fingers traced the other’s navel before his hands moved back to Phil’s hips. All the while, Phil’s lips were going further down his chest. He gasped and cried out when Phil’s tongue met his nipple. Nobody had ever done that before. Dan’s hands tightened on Phil’s hips and he bucked his hips, dying to get more friction. Anything, he just needed more. “Fuck, Phil, so good,” he mumbled as he found his hands all over Phil. He was touching every available part of skin he could reach.

Dan went wild. Phil could feel the man's nails dragging against his skin as he ran his hands up and down Phi's back, tracing circles into the skin until he had his hands against Phil's chest instead. His hips were rutting up desperately in an attempt to find friction, and feeling proud of what he'd managed to reduce Dan to, Phil took his nipple into his mouth and sucked, hard, all the while pressing hips down hard against Dan's so Dan could continue to rut into him and use his body. Phil couldn't help groaning as well, pulling away from Dan's nipples to lick further down his body. Forced to move his hips, Phil shushed Dan when he whined in protest. "Gonna give you something better, Dan. Just be patient for me. Remember what I said? You've never done this slow. I'll show you why it's better." He pushed Dan's legs apart, sliding in between them, and laved at Dan's navel, dipping his tongue in an out of the orifice the way he would his cock if Dan would let him fuck him. As it was, he knew the other male wasn't ready for that, so he mimicked the actions with his tongue as he worked to get his own jeans off. He wanted to be naked for this. He wanted Dan to see all of him. Phil loved to be looked at.

He felt nothing less than devastation when Phil pulled away. He whined, trying to convince Phil to stay. It seemed like he had something better in mind though. He was being shushed by Phil and begged to be patient. It wasn’t easy though, not when he was throbbing and needing Phil more than ever. Again, Phil promised that what he was going to get would be better. While Phil slid between his legs, Dan tried to take deep breaths. He wanted this to last. He wanted to calm down and take it slow. As soon as he felt Phil at his navel though, he couldn’t think straight. It was hard to remember to settle down when it felt so perfect. Then, Dan was watching as the other attempted to get his jeans off while keeping up the motion of his tongue. God yes. Phil wasn’t going to be wearing anything else. Dan would get to see every part of him.

It took a bit of working at it, but finally, Phil was kicking his jeans off and pressing a palm to his own pulsing erection. "Wanna see me, Dan?" he asked, not bothering for a response as he moaned and bucked into his own hips. He slid his hands into the band of his boxers and slid out of them quickly, taking his cock in hand immediately. He ran his thumb over the head, still kissing at Dan's navel, and glanced up at Dan to find him staring at Phil with his mouth open. Phil moaned again, finally pulling on his cock properly, and moved his other hand up to press down on Dan's bulge. Dan cried out, the sound unlike any Phil had ever heard from such a simple action, and his eyes closed as he moaned in response. "You make such sweet sounds for me, Dan. You've never been touched like this, have you. All those dainty little hands of all those girls you've been with...nothing compared to this." Having quickly realized just how much Dan enjoyed dirty talk, Phil couldn't give it up. He let himself go, whining a bit at the loss of contact on his aching cock, but turned his attention fully to Dan. "Gonna undress you now, okay?" Phil requested, waiting for Dan's go ahead before he did just that. He nibbled at the skin above Dan's waistband as he worked out the button and zip, pulling them down slowly, before working Dan's jeans down his hips and thighs. His lips and teeth trailed across the skin, teasing at the hem of Dan's boxers. Phil kept pressing his tongue just past, and then pulling away to nip at tanned skin, one hand pressed lightly over Dan's bulge so the man could rut up against him.

Phil was beautiful, every inch of him. He stared open mouthed at him as he took his cock in one hand, tugging lightly. Dan knew Phil had to know exactly how sexy he was. He had to agree. He’d never been touched like that before. There was something distinct about another male’s hand on him. A girls could never equal up now. Dan knew now that he couldn’t ever go back. There was no way. He’d spent years trying to make himself want women, and then, in such a sort time with Phil, he’d realized that /this/ was how sex was meant to feel. He’d found what everyone was talking about. It was better than he ever could have imagined. He nodded frantically as Phil told him that he was going to undress Dan. He was nervous, a bit unsure, but more than anything he wanted it. His cock ached, and already he felt like precome was beading at the tip. If Phil had demanded that Dan beg for it, he would have happily gotten down on two knees. “Oh God, Please, Phil, fuck please,” he whispered as he felt Phil pressing on his bulge. He rutted against Phil, another moan escaping him. “So perfect, please,” he mumbled. He knew he was meant to be taking it slow but it was still so hard.

Dan was begging for him, clearly desperate underneath Phil's touch, and it made Phil smirk as he slowly dragged Dan's boxers down. They got caught over Dan's cock, but Phil used it as an excuse to tease him more, sticking his tongue out and laving over a wet spot forming over Dan's boxers. Dan's hips sprung off the bed, chasing the sensation, and Phil grinned. "Oh, honey. I can't get over the fact that no one's taken care of you. So good for me, so beautiful. Let me take care of you," he offered, already knowing the answer, and finally pulled Dan's boxers down to his thighs. Unable to help himself, Phil leaned over and pressed kisses into those thighs, digging his teeth in and sucking until there was a trail of wet hot bruises. "Gonna make it so you never forget me," Phil insisted, pressing his thumb into those bruises and watching Dan toss his head. Finally, Phil put his mouth against the head of Dan's cock again and said, "Watch me," before finally pressing his lips over the tip and sucking at the head. He laved at the pre-cum oozing from Dan's slit, and let his mouth work down over Dan's cock, pressing his tongue flat against the silky skin as he sucked around him.

Dan hadn’t thought it was possible for someone to take care of him like Phil was. It had never felt so good before. This was a huge contrast to the sex he’d been having. He gasped softly as Phil started to suck marks into his thighs. He could only guess they’d be like the ones that were on his collarbone and neck. If Phil was trying to make a lasting impression on Dan, he’d already done that. He’d achieved way more than that. Tonight would be ingrained in his memory longer after his hickeys faded, but he wasn’t going to complain about reminders. Dan threw his head back and he couldn’t help but moan again. Yet it was only seconds later that Phil was instructing him to watch. Dan forced his eyes open as he watched Phil press his lips right over the head of his cock. He opened his mouth further to form words, but they wouldn’t come. Phil was already taking Dan deeper into his mouth, his tongue working against his shaft as he continued to suck. “W-Wait!” Dan gasped, hating himself for stopping what they were doing. “Phil, wait…I’m not wearing a condom,” he mumbled. He could vaguely remembering Phil telling him about condoms. He hadn’t wanted to even bring it up, but it wouldn’t be fair.

Phil pulled back in surprise. He hadn't expected Dan to ask him to stop. He was stunned as he looked up at the clearly flushed male, head reeling with the fact that he was being /rejected,/ and then Dan's words sunk in, and Phil's mouth dropped open. Honestly, Dan was /requesting/ he use a condom? What was he, some kind of saint? The clients Phil chose not to use a condom on /never/ stopped Phil to question his motives. Sometimes, they got angry if Phil returned and insisted on a condom the second time, but never in Phil's life as call boy - and he'd been at this for /six years/ - had he been stopped when he made a decision like this one. His mind was reeling. "Is there something I should know? Do I need to use a condom? I've never had a customer complain before," Phil replied, breathing huffing against Dan's tip. He watched the other male squirm under him, but held his ground, and was awed by the display. "I'd never not use a condom if I was fucking you, but it's my decision whether or not to use one for a blow job. I told you I'd take care of you. There's nothing like a hot mouth on a bare cock," he said, voice husky. "I want to taste you, and unless there's something I should know, I /will/ continue to taste you," he insisted. He'd already gotten a taste of Dan's cock, of his cum, and he hadn't had enough.

He’d thought when he’d mentioned the condom Phil would be more pleased that Dan had remembered. Instead, he was questioning, offended, confused as to why Dan would stop him. He shook his head quickly when the other asked him if there was something he needed to know, a reason why Dan would have to be wearing one. “You said,” he panted back as he felt Phil’s breath ghosting against him. The hot puff of hair sent electricity back down his spine. “I don’t have anything it’s just-” Dan said as he fought to stay still. “You said people had to wear condoms,” Dan mumbled. He didn’t remember exactly what was said but he figured it was something about being charged extra. Besides, why would Phil not want Dan to wear a condom? He didn’t know him at all. He was a stranger. Suddenly, Phil was telling him how good a mouth felt against a bare cock. How could Dan argue with that when the proof was right in front of him? Phil was telling him that he would continue to taste him. He wanted it as well, he wanted more, he wanted Phil to taste all of him. He hesitated for a moment though. As long as Phil was sure.

Dan really was a saint, playing by all the rules. "Baby, I want your first time to be an experience. Maybe it's dumb, but I trust you, and the fact that you're trying so hard to play by my rules...I like that. Relax. Let me take care of you. Let me enjoy you," Phil said, voice trailing off into a husky whisper as he gripped the base of Dan's cock in his hand and resumed what he'd been doing. There was something incredibly hot about Dan trying so hard to please him. Trying so hard to be /good/ for him, and Phil couldn't help but moan around the hot skin in his mouth. He sucked hard, laving at Dan with his tongue as he started to bob his head. "Watch me," he insisted, pulling away when he found that Dan had thrown his head back in pleasure again. "Want you to watch what I'm doing with my mouth. Have you ever gotten head before, Dan? Nothing like this, I bet," he said, and took Dan back in his mouth again. With the hand not holding Dan's cock in place, Phil went to play with Dan's balls, loving the way the first touch made Dan immediately buck into his mouth. Phil grinned, pressing his tongue flat and hard against Dan. Dan was quite well endowed, and he tasted so much better than Phil had imagined. He was loving every second of sucking at the silky skin, playing with Dan's balls as he went. He wanted more. He moved his hand and started to bob his head faster, swirling his tongue at the tip of Dan's cock each and every time he was up there, and pressed his tongue against Dan's shaft when he moved back down. Dan was thrashing above him, and Phil could feel how the man was holding back from thrusting up. To encourage him, Phil relaxed his throat and took Dan deep, until his nose was pressed deep into curls and Dan's head was pressing against the back of his throat. He swallowed quickly, pulling back slightly, and let Dan lose it on him, thrusting up erratically as Phil continued to play with his balls. His eyes stung with tears as Dan forget himself, so lost in pleasure he was using Phil to a mean's. This was always the best part. Phil loved to be used, to be looked at, to be kissed. Without knowing it, Dan was giving him everything he needed.

If Dan had really been in control of all his thoughts he might have agreed with how dumb it was. Phil didn’t know him, Dan could be a liar for all he knew. He could have some kind of sexually transmitted disease. Yet Dan wasn’t thinking straight, hadn’t been since he let Phil inside. He wasn’t in any position to argue with Phil’s logic though. His thoughts were hazy with desire. He was trying really hard for Phil, it only seemed right. Soon enough, he was watching Phil’s pink lips sink down around his cock. He moaned again as he forced his eyes to stay open. It wasn’t exactly hard though, this was something he wanted to watch. He’d gotten head before but it wasn’t like this. This was better. Everything Phil did was better by far. He arched off the mattress again when he felt a hand fondling his balls. Before he could even get a grip on things though, Phil was bobbing his head faster on him. He could hardly control himself, it was too hard. Eventually, he felt Phil’s mouth relax further around him, and he was thrusting up. The pleasure was pooling in his lower belly and he didn’t think he’d last much longer. He felt his cock hitting the back of Phil’s throat and he was crying out again. Phil was taking him so far, making everything around him buzz with pleasure. He continued his hip movements, fucking Phil’s mouth, too far gone to think about anything else. “Fuck, Phil I’m gonna come,” he warned, waiting for the other to pull off him. When that didn’t happen, Dan was gasping, his hands moving to Phil’s hair to push away. It was too late though. He was coming down the other’s throat hard and fast, losing himself inside of the other’s mouth. “Phil!” he cried out as he tossed his head back against the mattress again. He moaned as the other worked him through his orgasm.

Soon enough, Dan was warning Phil that he was going to come, but Phil only sucked down around him harder, ignoring the way Dan's hips stuttered as he seemingly tried to pull away. Dan's hands came down on Phil's head for the first time as he gasped, and it was clear he wanted to shove Phil's head away, but it was too late. Phil moaned loudly as Dan came in his mouth, loving the feeling of Dan's cock pulsing in his mouth, and sucked up every bit of what he gave to Phil, slurping and swallowing around him as he worked Dan through his orgasm. He pressed his fingers under Dan's balls to make it better, and bobbed his head lightly until it seemed that Dan was done. He pulled away, grinning up at Dan, and finally remembered his own aching erection as he stared down at Dan's sweat covered body. "So hot, Dan," Phil moaned, wrapping his fingers around his own cock now to jerk himself off. He crawled over Dan's body, and kissed him hard on the lips as he kept the movement of his hand up, loving the way Dan's chest heaved under him and his sweat clung to Phil's body.

Even though Dan still felt fuzzy, he couldn’t help but smile back. He was still riding the high of climax as Phil climbed on top of him. He wondered if Phil knew just what he did to Dan. He figured he must. That didn’t make it any less incredible. He’d never come so hard in his life before. He was still breathing hard as he thought about what they’d just done. He didn’t even care that his first male experience was with a call boy. How could he complain when it was without a doubt the best orgasm he’d ever had? Phil’s body, his mouth, the way he let Dan come inside his mouth. It was absolute perfection. “Are you going to come on me, Phil?” Dan asked lowly, wanting to have some kind of effect on the other. He’d never been good at dirty talk. He loved hearing it, it just never sounded right coming from his own mouth. “You were so good to me,” he trailed off, his eyes fixated on Phil’s erection.

Phil moaned lowly, ducking his face into Dan's neck and sucking roughly at the skin. "Can I?" he requested, hoping that Dan would say yes despite the fact that Dan had no reason to help Phil finish or allow him to finish on him at all. "I really want to," he admitted, biting at Dan's neck to leave more marks. He loved this part, and he was arching into his own hand as Dan moved his hand up to Phil's back. "God, you were so good, Dan. Watching you come like that. Highlight of my night. So glad I could make you feel good," he moaned, rutting harder into his fist. After getting permission to come all over Dan's body, Phil moved his mouth back to Dan's and kissed him messily. He panted against Dan's lips as he worked himself harder, remembering the way Dan had gasped as he came, and felt his own orgasm hit, spilling out over his fist and spurting against Dan's chest. Phil moaned against Dan's lips, eyes squeezed shut as he worked himself through. When he was done, he sat up so he was straddling Dan's hips. "Shit. So good for me, Dan." Phil wanted to say so much more, but he was panting and sweating as he came down, and knew he should roll off of Dan soon. It couldn't be comfortable to have Phil sitting on him.

Phil didn’t even need to ask. Dan wanted it, he wanted to watch Phil come undone, gasping and moaning like he’d done. Then their lips were connected again. Their kiss was heated and filled with pants and tongues. Then he felt the other finishing. He felt Phil coming against his skin and Dan was groaning all over again. If he hadn’t felt so spent, he would be hard all over again. “You’re so beautiful,” Dan said, knowing he had to voice that to Phil. The other needed to know what Dan thought of him. Sure, Dan might have been good for Phil, but Phil was amazing for Dan. He knew he could watch Phil do just about anything and he’d still be aching for him. He rested his hands on the other’s waist once again and stared up at him. He fought the urge to brush his hands across Phil’s flushed face.

Phil chuckled at Dan's compliment, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he tried to calm his ragged breathing. "You are too. So, so incredibly beautiful, Dan." Dan was staring up at him like he was completely captivated with him, and it was charming if not a little worrying. Dan's hands came up to suddenly rest against Phil's hips, and Phil leaned into the touch. Rarely did Phil get affection from his clients, but he shouldn't have been surprised when Dan wanted to give that to him. Not only was Phil his first, but Dan was just so sweet in general. "Don't fall in love with me," he warned quietly, temporarily growing serious, and then he was pushing himself forward to crawl into Dan's arms. He couldn't help himself as he kissed Dan's chest. "Mm, so how was your first experience with a man?" He asked, wanting to change the subject to avoid making things awkward between them.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Dan said softly as Phil settled into his arms. No, he couldn’t fall in love with Phil. He did this for money and other reasons Dan probably couldn’t understand. His emotions for the other were temporary and that was at best. Still, it would be incredibly easy to let himself fall head over heels for Phil. Those blue eyes of his had a way of making Dan melt and they’d only just met. “It was better than I thought it could be. I didn’t realize sex was that good. It never has been before. There’s no turning back now,” he laughed lightly as he held the other close. He hoped he wasn’t making Phil uncomfortable with all his touching and cuddling. If he was, Phil wasn’t saying anything.

Phil smiled slightly, appreciating the agreement, and sighed as he pressed himself tighter against Dan's chest. Phil didn't do relationships, but if there was one thing that tempted him to it, it was the cuddling. The sleeping together after sex. Despite being in it for the sex, Phil did also enjoy the time spent afterwards in someone's arms, or wrapping his own arms around someone, and that rarely happened with the clients who called on him. He laughed as Dan assured him there was no going back. "And that was only a blowjob, baby. Imagine what the rest is like. In fact, we've still got all night," he invited Dan, always raring to go another round. "Or I could just leave you the number of my agency before I go, and you can call on me again," he added huskily. "I /definitely/ wouldn't mind seeing you more."

Dan was conflicted in a lot of ways. He didn’t think he was ready for any more than what they’d just done. Part of him wanted to, and the other part was too hesitant to agree. Then Phil had offered to leave his agency’s number. He could call back if he wanted to see Phil again. Tonight didn’t have to be the end of it all. He couldn’t help thinking about how some things were too perfect to be recreated. And then there were things that were so good it would be unthinkable to let it go. Dan pressed his hands to Phil’s back and sighed softly. It wasn’t like he was going to actually fall in love with Phil. They weren’t going to have a relationship, they weren’t going to introduce the other to their parents. Dan didn’t know if that meant he should call back or if it meant there was no point in calling back. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you either,” he said before he even knew what he wanted. “It would be nice to have someone to call,” he added with a small smile.

Laying against Dan's chest, Phil could feel as Dan tensed up at the suggestion of introducing him to more tonight, and hoped he hadn't ruined their evening. It had seemed Dan had been about to curl up and sleep with him, and he really wanted that. But Dan eventually relaxed, speaking softly as he agreed that maybe it would be nice to call Phil again. Pushing himself up on Dan's chest to look at him, Phil smiled. "I'd love to teach you more, Dan. When you're ready. If you'll let me," he murmured. "I could give you a discount. Because you're quickly becoming a favorite." He leaned in and kissed Dan sweetly. "I'll leave you my number just in case. You can decide in the future." Again, he kissed Dan, licking into his mouth just because he could. As he pulled away again, he rested against Dan. "Are you a cuddler? I quite enjoy spending the night with people, and you're friends already paid. If you want me to stay, I wouldn't mind."

Again Dan couldn’t decide if being Phil’s favorite was a good thing or not. Did lots of people get discounts, or was he just offering it Dan? He didn’t even want to begin to think he might actually be jealous of some faceless stranger who’d get Phil’s attention. No, that wasn’t the case at all. “So I really get to keep you for the rest of the night?” he asked as Phil rested against his chest. Already Dan’s arms were around him, not wanting to give the other a chance to leave. “I’m a cuddler,” he admitted with another light laugh. That was another reason why he continued to have sex with woman even though he knew he wasn’t enjoying it the way he should. He craved the closeness and affection he could get. He wanted to give comfort and receive it at the same time. “If you’re sure you wouldn’t mind. I know they paid you, but it’s not like you have to. I know I don’t really like spending the night away from home. I couldn’t imagine doing it at strangers place. Or…if you had other plans or something,” Dan rambled on, unsure of how to just accept Phil’s offer. He hoped Phil knew that it was a ‘Yes, please stay the night.’

Phil couldn't help chuckling as Dan rambled on as if he didn't know how to accept Phil's offer to stay, and forcefully rolled them both over so they were both on their sides, with Phil's face pressed to Dan's warm chest. "Yes. You really get me for the rest of the night. I have no plans. My plans were to stay with you until eight am. If that means sleeping or having sex, I don't care. I like to cuddle and sleep with my partners as much as I enjoy the sex," Phil reassured him, nuzzling at him. Rarely did Phil get this chance. He mostly found himself being bought for an hour or three. He enjoyed the days he was bought for the night, and soaked up each chance he got to sleep in someone's arms. "I'm a cuddler, too," he admitted quietly. He rarely exposed himself this way, but Dan seemed to crave the intimacy of Phil admitting to things he enjoyed.

He sighed in relief, glad he didn’t need to say anything else. Phil would stay with him. He didn’t hate the fact that Dan was cuddling him and holding him like he was. In fact, he enjoyed it, hopefully as much as Dan did. Now that they were on their sides, Dan moved so that he could pull the blankets up for them. Even though Phil had reassured him that this was okay, Dan still hoped he wasn’t a disappointing client. He imagined that most people that paid for Phil’s services were fun and exciting. They’d want to stay up until eight in the morning doing anything and everything they could to Phil. They would take advantage of the opportunity at hand. All Dan wanted to do at the moment was cuddle and hold the other before falling asleep. It wasn’t that he was pretending this was an actual relationship, but there was no reason he couldn’t keep Phil in his arms until the morning came.

Dan didn't respond, but Phil could feel it as the other male exhaled a sigh of relief. Used to the sensation of being covered in after sex juices and sweat, Phil didn't complain when Dan immediately tucked them in without cleaning up. It just so happened that Phil had a client who enjoyed getting Phil all covered in his sperm in the few hours he kept Phil, so it was nothing new or strange. Sighing, Phil snuggled closer. He wanted to do more with Dan, so much more; Dan was exactly his type, and was one of the most responsive people Phil had ever been with. He could already imagine the way Dan would pant under him when Phil fucked him. He understood, though, what a shock being with a man was, and would never push a client. All he could hope for was that Dan would become a regular. That Dan would let him teach him everything. Even if that was a dangerous road they were walking, Phil would take it. He promised himself if Dan called again, he would make a point to reaffirm the promise not to fall in love with Phil. Phil would never be any more than Dan's call boy, and one of the very few favorites that got a Phil discount. He probably wouldn't tell him that last part though. He didn't know if Dan was the jealous type, and though it wasn't as if he didn't know this was Phil's job, there was no reason to shove the fact that Phil fucked other people into his face. After all, for some, it was part of the fantasy. Before he could get too much mroe comfortable, Phil grabbed the phone he’d dragged into the room with him, and pressed speed dial. “Heyo. Yeah. ‘Night.” Dan gave him a quizzical look, probably surprised by the lack of phone calls, but Phil just shrugged it off. There were ways he could have contacted Marty had he needed too, and the initial threat had by and large just been meant to get a feel for Dan’s mental state, but everything was fine. As Phil got comfortable again and began to drift to sleep in Dan's arms, all he could think about was the next time he might get to see the captivating male.

Dan relaxed in a way he hadn’t in what seemed like ages. Dan couldn’t really remember the last time he’d let himself fall asleep with anyone. The last couple of times he’d had sex with someone he’d wanted to leave, or he’d wanted them to leave right afterwards. Even the prospect of cuddling afterwards hadn’t been enough for him to prolong the night, which said a lot seeing as how at one point that was all Dan was having sex for. Yet tonight it wasn’t something he needed to worry about. Phil was right there for him. Even if it was only for a couple more hours. He fell asleep with Phil in his arms. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep for, but the first thing he realized was that he was uncomfortably sticky. The second thing he realized was that the light was already shining through his window and lighting up the room.

Phil woke up sometime later, staring blearily at the clock on Dan's bedside table to find that it was still early. He could go back to sleep if he wanted, and he definitely wanted. He picked up his phone first to call Marty, assuring him he was safe, before hanging up again. Then he rolled back into Dan, and didn't wake up again until Dan began moving around and squirming. "Mm, what's wrong?" He asked blearily, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes. When he glanced at the clock again, he found it was ten to eight. With a loud yawn, Phil sat up and stretched, glancing at Dan to find the other male seeming a bit disgruntled by the fact that there was dried cum on his chest. "Sorry. I should have insisted we clean up first last night." He yawned again, and then leaned over to draw Dan into a long, wet kiss. he pressed his tongue past Dan's lips, encouraging Dan's tongue to follow his back into his mouth where he sucked on the muscle. "Mm," he hummed as he pulled away. "I should get dressed. Marty will be waiting for me downstairs."

“No it’s okay, I don’t mind,” Dan hurried to say. He barely got his sentence out before their lips were connected in a lazy morning kiss. He pressed his tongue inside of Phil’s mouth with a bit of encouragement, sighing softly when he felt Phil start to suck. Eventually though, it had to come an end. He glanced at the clock and realized that it was time for Phil to get going. “Right, yeah, it’s eight,” he nodded, trying hard to ignore his slight disappointment. “I think they’re on the floor,” Dan said as he rubbed the back of his neck. Dan hurried to reach for his own, leaning down to see if he could find his own underwear.

Phil nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I didn't really bother with where I let them land last night. But I'm sure we'll find them," he said, climbing out of bed and scratching at his messy hair. He had to look around for a bit before he managed to find his boxers, but when he did, he bent over to grab them. He thought he heard Dan make a strangled sound, and grinned as he realized Dan was likely staring at his ass. Trying not to be a tease, or embarrass him, Phil pulled his boxers on quickly and then found his jeans. His shirt was in the lounge, he knew, so he turned back to Dan and smiled at him. "Come here," he requested, opening his arms to Dan. Dan came, walking straight into Phil's arms, and Phil kissed the man one last time. "Don't be a stranger, okay?" He insisted, taking Dan's hand in his and kissing his knuckles. "Go shower. I'll lock up behind me."

Dan had managed to pull his own boxers on while Phil was finding his. He’d looked over just in time to see Phil bending over. He didn’t know what kind of sound he’d made, but he knew Phil must have heard it. Thankfully, Phil hurried to throw on the lower portion of his clothes while Dan stayed in just his boxers. Afterwards the other was opening his arms, and Dan made no hesitation to step into them. He returned the kiss softly, wishing it wasn’t so short when Phil pulled away. “Right, shower,” he nodded with a small smile. “It was nice to have you over,” Dan mumbled, unsure of the proper way to say goodbye to Phil. “I-I don’t know if it’s customary to tip, or if that’s insulting, or if the tip is included in the price. Do most people tip?” Dan mumbled, again stumbling over what he wanted to say to the other.

Dan was /so cute/. Phil laughed, unable to help himself as he pulled Dan back in to kiss him one more time. "I'm really going to miss you. No, Dan. You don't tip. It's not an insult, but it's really not necessary either. Go shower. I'll see myself out." Phil watched as Dan did as he requested, blushing and appearing as if he really didn't want to have to part ways with Phil, but doing so anyway. It gave Phil hope that Dan wouldn't fall in love with him when Dan removed himself from the situation easier than some of Phil's needier clients did, and he smiled as he waited in Dan's room until he heard the bathroom door closed. Wandering back into the lounge, Phil grabbed his shirt, and pulled it on, before locating a piece of paper and a pen to leave Dan the number for his agency. He left the note pinned to Dan's fridge, before finally leaving, and climbing into Marty's car.

/I really hope to hear from you again, Dan. Anything you want to learn, I'll be patient with you xx/

"You've got a twelve o'clock. Celia figured you'd want to stay booked up, as always." Marty said. Phil sighed, but nodded. "Well, she's right about that." Still. Phil was still thinking about Dan's tanned skin, and how needy he'd been. Those were always Phil's favorites. Needy, but pliant underneath him. He sighed as he recalled the taste of Dan's lips, and then forced himself to get back into work mode. Maybe he'd see Dan again, and maybe he wouldn't. Only time would tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 22,395 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : fingering, slight edging, implications of consensual sex-turned-rape in the past but nothing explict, blow job lessons.

After his shower, Dan wrapped himself in a towel and headed back to his bedroom to get dressed. He was still feeling the buzz from his and Phil’s night together. Even as he pulled on a new a set clothes, he couldn’t stop thinking about the other.

He wondered if it would really be the last time he found himself with Phil. He was a call boy, he had to remind himself. There was no real emotional attachment. It was the sex that he’d like so much. Of course it was. It had been the first time he’d actually truly enjoyed it. It was Phil’s job to make Dan feel good.

Dan shook his head before sighing. He should stop thinking about it, it was just sex. That’s it. He finished getting dressed while he forced himself to think of other things.

He wouldn’t have to work today, which was always a bonus. It wasn’t too often that he could go a full day without heading into the office, not that he hated his job or anything like that. Dan actually enjoyed what he did, that and the money didn’t hurt either. While he and his father didn’t always see eye to eye, there was one thing they could always agree on, and that one thing was business. His father owned a law firm, and Dan was a proud partner. At the moment though, he was a bit too compromised to do anything he’d consider productive.

After he ran a comb through his hair, Dan started towards the kitchen. He could start with breakfast and see where the day went from there.

The first thing he spotted was the fridge and how and there was a lone note hanging up. When he was close enough to read it, he couldn’t help but smile; it was from Phil, the number for the agency, just as he’d promised.

Dan ran his fingers over the paper before his smile slowly faded. He considered throwing the note away, or at the very least shoving it on a drawer and forgetting about it altogether. Instead, he quickly opened the fridge door, ignoring the paper all together.

After breakfast was over, he fully intended to message his friends and tell them what animals they were - even if he did sort of owe them a thank you, they didn’t need to know that. It wasn’t nice to send people over your friend’s home with the intention of having sex, even if it had been some of the most mind blowing sex he’d ever had.

After he shut the fridge door, he stared again at the note before deciding it could stay. At least for a while.

\--

Phil's twelve o'clock was...less than spectacular.

"Yeah bitch, just like that! Take my cock, you whore! Gonna fuck you 'till you're good and raw!" Phil cried out as the man pressed his legs further against his chest so Phil was nearly bent over backwards despite his back being pressed firmly against the bed. He tried to turn the cry of pain into one of pleasure, despite not particularly liking what was happening, but it was difficult. It didn't hurt too much, but it /was/ a surprise, and definitely not comfortable. A lull of pleasure thrummed through him lightly, and Phil was definitely hard, but this guy? This guy was kind of gross, and dressed in a business suit as he fucked into Phil face to face. His words were harsh and frustrating as he threw them at Phil, rather than a turn on, as there was a rage Phil could feel in the way he leaned in and kissed Phil. His hands weren't gentle, but he was careful not to leave marks, which Phil was grateful for. Still. He couldn't wait for things to be over.

"Take me, yeah! I gottcha ya, baby. Gonna make you come so hard, you'll be seeing stars!" ‘I doubt that,’ Phil thought in response, but managed a fake moan as the man reached down between their bodies and took Phil's cock in his hand. The friction was a nice distraction as Phil attempted to push both himself, and the man, to orgasm, clenching around him tightly as he moved. The man cried out, hips snapping forward harder and more aggressively until Phil could feel him pressing into his prostate. The rolls of pleasure were enough to make Phil forget how disgusting this guy was, just as the pleasure always did, and Phil succumbed to the primal urge to be taken and taken and taken until he was good and satisfied.

It took another two minutes for Phil to come, but when he finally did, so did the man, spurting into the condom he'd made sure he was wearing. The man finally released Phil's legs, and Phil let them flutter to the bed, feeling relaxed and contented despite the ridiculousness of the sex. Sometimes, the motions were just a means to an end. At least Phil had gotten to come this time.

He was out of the man's office not fifteen minutes later, smoothing out his business suit and fixing his hair so no one would be suspicious. Marty was downstairs, and Phil was ready to go home. He still had Dan on his mind, and the way he touched Phil so carefully. Dan was such a kind person, so different from what Phil was used to. It had been a breath of fresh air to lay with him. He sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair, and climbed into the car the second he was near by. Marty was off, then, telling him he had the rest of the night off, which relieved Phil, who had some other work to attend too.

\--

“Honestly, we thought it would be a nice gift. I’m sorry,” Peej mumbled, his tone filled with regret. Dan placed the phone on speaker as he slipped his shoes on. “It wasn’t meant to be hurtful or anything, did you really not like him, Dan?” Peej asked sadly. Dan rolled his eyes, glad that the other couldn’t tell. It was amazing and he’d loved every minute of it. Again that wasn’t something they needed to know.

“You know what would have been a nice gift? A gift card,” Dan frowned before fixing his shirt. “I have to go, try again next year,” he deadpanned before saying a quick goodbye. After that was over, Dan knew he had the rest of the day to himself. He might as well run some errands and pick up a few groceries.

Overall the day passed slowly, so did the day after that, and the next. Work was a good distraction, and Dan found himself staying well after hours just so he’d have something besides Phil to think about. No matter how late he stayed though, there always came a point where he’d have to leave and go back home.

He’d always loved his penthouse. Now it seemed too large for just himself. It was empty in a way it hadn’t been before.

Dan did what he could to shake the thoughts for his mind. The past couple of days he’d lied to himself countless times. He’d wanted so badly to believe what he was saying. ‘You don’t miss Phil.’ and ‘That was a onetime thing.’ Even so, Phil’s note was still hanging on the refrigerator.

He’d wake up, go to work, find an excuse to stay late, go home and think about Phil. That was how his week had panned out. It made no sense at all. Dan knew he was just holding out before he called the agency. He liked to think that he wouldn’t, that he’d go home and throw away the paper. It never happened though.

Finally, one morning when Dan was getting his coffee made, about to head out the door, he spotted the familiar paper again. It was hard not to, seeing as how it was the only thing on the fridge. He hesitated for a long few seconds before he grabbed it and shoved it in his pocket.

Work somehow passed even slower than usual. It was around lunch when he grabbed the crumbled paper and stared down at it. He got up from his desk and closed the door before taking his seat again. Dan grabbed his office phone and then quickly hung it back up again. He tried again, but seconds later he was hanging back up. It was another thirty minutes or so before he managed to work up the courage to grab his cell phone. It wasn’t as easy to slam back down. Still, that didn’t stop his nerves. His stomach tightened as he dialed the number. His hands were close to shaking as he listened to the ringing.

“Hello, can I help you?” A woman answered, her tone light and friendly. Dan frowned, his mouth dry as he tried to think of what to say. Phil hadn’t ever given him the name of the agency and the woman hadn’t stated it when she answered.

“Yes, I’d actually like to make an appointment with someone,” Dan said, hoping his voice wasn’t giving him away, and that he’d reached the right place.

“Alright, are you first time caller or did you already have someone in mind?” she asked.

Dan didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t a first time caller. Well he was but he wasn’t at the same time.

“I had someone in mind already,” he answered quietly, his eyes glancing back at his shut door.

“Alright, first and last name and who are you requesting?”

Dan sighed, this was more shameful than he’d imagined it would be.

“Dan Howell, I didn’t really get his last name,” Dan said. He could hear the woman on the other line typing some information into a computer.

“That’s alright, they don’t give out last names, and we’ll typically know who you’re talking about. What was his first name?” she answered back and Dan could practically hear the smile in her voice.

“His name is Phil.” Dan mumbled, hoping that was actually enough information for them.

“Alright, well we only have one Phil here so I’ll schedule you’ll an appointment. Is it for tonight, and do you know exactly how many hours you’re wanting?” she asked.

Dan hadn’t exactly thought that far into the future. He didn’t really need to though.

“It’s for this evening, and is it possible to do overnight?” he asked, hoping it would be a yes. The woman typed in more information before answering back.

“He can do ten to eight if that works,” She answered back. “Now this is a flat rate so regardless of how many hours he actually stays, your credit card will still be charged for ten hours,” she hummed.

“That’s fine, I’ll give you my card information.” Dan was already pulling out his wallet.

Dan gave her the address of his home and his card number before hanging up. Already he was buzzing with excitement. He’d get to see Phil again. Even if he was expensive, it was more than worth it.

\--

Upon finally arriving at home, Phil waved hello to his neighbor, another call boy who looked as if he were heading out for the night. Phil was used to most of his neighbors coming and going, considering the agency had all of their workers living together in one building to keep them safe. If they /were/ stalked home, there were people and procedures set in place to keep the workers safe.

"Have fun!" he shouted over his shoulder, laughing as the man flipped him off. Most of the people here were here because they enjoyed sex, but they still tended to get annoyed at Phil for just how much /he/ loved sex. Sometimes, the other's didn't particularly want to go out and have sex, but they didn't always have a choice, while Phil was /always/ raring to go. Phil had a feeling that was how Mark was feeling tonight, and shrugged his reaction off as he went into his own apartment.

Showering quickly, Phil finally sat down to work. His /other/ work. He smiled as he pulled open a hidden drawer of his desk, revealing this month's edition of Phil's vine and the many colored pens he used to write it. His fingers picked up the pieces of paper pressed together reverently.

He was running out of time to finish this month's edition, and his brother was getting irritated with him that he hadn't made an appointment with him to exchange the documents yet. Phil had a monthly paycheck that his brother gave him each time he finished the next edition of his magazine - and yes, Phil wrote a magazine which his brother helped market and sell - in order to insure that Phil would meet his deadlines on time. Basically, Phil wrote a Dear Abby with lots of advice, mostly regarding sex, and relationships, that came together as a 15-20 page magazine some High School's ordered in bulk, and other teenagers ordered online. It's purpose was to be a kind of sex-ed, relationship advice magazine to replace the lack of proper school education on the matter, pioneered by one straight man, and one gay man. No one knew who Phil and his brother were, however, and had no clue whether they were male or female, which helped their plight.

For the most part, though, Phil managed the project. He wrote all the articles, and answered the questions, while his brother came up with ideas, and managed marketing. They made a good team, and worked for a cause they'd both thought well worth their while.

It had all really started when Phil was in High School. He fell in love and got his heartbroken the first time he had sex. The man hadn't been gentle, and hadn't bothered to wear a condom, breaking Phil's heart the moment he'd come. He left Phil deserted in a dirty classroom for his brother to find. Covered in bruises for days, Phil never got over the fact that his basic understanding of relationships and sex had largely been his downfall, and worked to learn as much as he could.

After the first disastrous night of sex, however, Phil had quickly found himself exploring more. It started online, reading articles and watching porn, until Phil decided he wanted to try it himself. He quickly found himself becoming a sex addict, and when he finished school, was encouraged to join the agency he was at now. They didn't know about the zine he made with his brother, and it would be disastrous if they ever found out. Phil got most of his ideas and knowledge on certain things from his clients, many of whom liked to gossip, and it was often their stories that Phil shared with his audience as cautionary tales.

That wasn’t why he couldn’t tell the agency though. As a call boy, he wasn’t allowed to have any other jobs, largely for their safety, but also because then the agency was afraid to lose them as an employee.

Phil was far too proud of his zine to ever give it up. There were multiple high schools that had begun to use him, ordering his zine in bulk as a pseudo class for their students. He hadn't ever expected to be so popular, nor his work considered something important to anyone - largely part of the reason he and his brother had originally offered subscriptions in non-descript posting in the first place, so teenagers wouldn't get in trouble with their parents for wanting to learn about sex and relationships - but now he was proud to know he was making an actual difference in people’s lives.

Nearly six years after starting the magazine, Phil was now on issue 69, and there was no way Phil could pass up the opportunity to use that pun to his advantage. He cracked his fingers, and finally got to work.

It was a relief to finally be given the chance to finish this issue, after so long of holding on to it and keeping it from his brother. He was also excited for the bit of extra cash that would come his way when he finally finished the damn thing.

Not to mention it was a good distraction from Phil thinking about Dan. It wasn't good for him to bring home his clients. Of course, there were plenty that had become Phil's favorites and regulars, but he tried to keep them from his mind when he was at home. That was his place to be /him/ and nothing else. There was no reason to dwell on the men he'd fucked. Still. Dan was something else. Never, in six years had Phil encountered someone like him. He hoped he would call.

\--

It took a week. A week of Phil finishing up his zine and nearly forgetting Dan altogether before the agency called to inform him he'd been booked for a solid night - ten to eight, just like last time - with none other than Dan Howell.

And what a name. Phil knew that name.

Howell was a father-son law firm that happened to be incredibly notable. In fact, from what Phil knew, his agency often went to them when things went south with a client. It made Phil wonder if Dan's father knew Dan was using their agency. Probably not. He probably didn't even know that Dan had decided he was gay yet. Probably wouldn't be so good for business if Dan never had a son to keep the father-son partnership going in the future. Phil had to push those thoughts aside. He was just excited for the chance to see Dan again. What would he get to teach him tonight?

The next few hours went by quickly, with Phil taking only one client before Dan who very nearly left a nice sized hickey against his neck, but Phil had whacked him away before it could form. Regardless, it left Phil dying to be back with someone who was happy and overly willing to obey Phil's rules. He dressed in something a little less formal for his night with Dan - a black button down he had a feeling Dan would enjoy playing with, and dark jeans. He almost wanted to go in one of his wacky t-shirts, but it was against the rules to wear anything that might give your true self away, so he didn't. He did, however, jump in the car with Marty at nine forty-five to make the quick trip to Dan's hotel room suite.

He was smirking even before he rang the doorbell.

\--

He’d left work almost as soon as the appointment had been made. If there was one good thing about the overtime he’d been putting in, it was the fact that he was more than caught up. Since he was actually ahead on many of the cases he was working on, he got to leave early.

/Got/ wasn’t exactly the right word for it. Being partners meant you came in when you wanted and you left when you wanted. That being said, that only worked if and only if you got things done in a timely manner. Dan silently thanked his effort over the last couple of days as he headed out the door.

It was only one. He had the whole day to sort himself out. Already, he’d decided that he could use every bit of that time. His place was a mess; paperwork was scattered everywhere, dishes were in the sink, and clothes littered his bedroom. Truly the only time everything was actually clean was when he was entertaining.

Dan quickly started in on the housework. He vacuumed, put his laundry away, cleaned the kitchen, and did just about everything else he needed to do. Afterwards, he sat down for a moment and pulled out his cell phone.

The nice thing about living at the very top of a hotel was that even if he owned his suit, he could still use room service when he liked. That and the view of course. He rung hotel services number and ordered a bottle of wine for the evening. He didn’t know if Phil would enjoy or it not, but it seemed like something nice to do. Afterwards, he headed into the shower and started getting ready.

Again it was simple; dark jeans and black pull over sweater. Dan made the effort to straighten his hair before again going back to the living room and adjusting the sofa pillows. He didn’t know why he was nervous. He shouldn’t be. Yet again he found his stomach in knots as he glanced at the clock.

It was getting late. The more time that ticked by, the more Dan started to pace up and down the floors. He jumped when he heard the doorbell finally ring.

Dan hurried to answer it, pausing for a second to appear as if he hadn’t just ran across the room to answer the door.

When Dan answered, it was almost too obvious how anxious he'd been waiting for Phil to arrive. He looked a little flushed, and as if he might have run to catch the door as fast as he had, but Phil pushed those thoughts aside as he immediately pushed into Dan's personal space and kissed him. He couldn't help himself. Kissing Dan was amazing, and kissing was often Phil's greeting, so he did so without question. It didn't help that Phil was already aching for Dan, and he'd only just arrived at his apartment. His teeth snagged against Dan's bottom lip for a second, but it didn't seem to matter as Dan's arms came around to grip at Phil's waist, dragging him in and keeping him near. Phil could only feel proud that some of the confidence he'd instilled Dan with on his last visit was still there. Eventually, he pulled away from the kiss. "You called," he commented lowly. "I was almost afraid you wouldn't." He knew it was probably dumb to reveal that, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted Dan to know he was wanted. "I was waiting for you to introduce yourself to the agency before I could enact that discount, but I promise they'll refund you some of the money. Payment won't be so steep next time," Phil explained, voice still low as he slowly pushed Dan back and into his apartment, letting the door fall shut behind them. "Mmm, so I'm back. Did you want to learn something new today?" Phil asked, voice low and husky, already knowing Dan would probably want to talk and settle down some before they really got started, but unable to help himself as he pressed in for another kiss. Dan smirked against his lips, a surprise to Phil, before nibbling on Phil's bottom lip the way Phil loved to do. "Cheeky. Guess I really did teach you a thing or too."

“I’m just glad to be able to see you again,” Dan said in regards to Phil’s payment. The money didn’t matter to him. He honestly didn’t care if he got a discount or not. The feeling of Phil’s lips against his made it all worth it. His hands rested against Phil’s hips, still gently, but ever present. Dan did have more courage than he’d had their first night together. He was timid still, but more comfortable this time around. He nibbled lightly at Phil’s lip, pulling carefully before releasing. When he pulled away his smirk was still present. “A thing or two, yeah,” he laughed before sliding his hands off Phil’s hips and instead taking his hand. “I’m up for anything you want to show me,” he said, leaning in to press a short kiss to the corner of Phil’s mouth. It wasn’t heated this time, just affectionate. “I was hoping you’d like a drink first. I haven’t opened the bottle yet, so you can pour it,” Dan said softly. He still wanted Phil to feel comfortable, to know that nothing bad was going to happen to him here. It was important to him that Phil knew he was safe, even if that meant getting his own drinks and making phone calls. He wanted to confess to Phil just how much he’d missed his touch, how impossible it was to get him out of his head. He couldn’t. His thoughts were filled with nothing but Phil. He wanted his lips, his skin, everything Phil was willing to give him.

Phil couldn't help but pout when Dan moved his hands from his hips, and instead took his hand, though that was just as comforting, if a little too affectionate. It was the sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth, however, that truly worried him, and he felt like he had no one to blame but himself for the way Dan seemed to be so comfortable with affectionate touches, rather than sexual ones. Phil had kissed him on the hand just last week, hadn't he? Affectionate didn't have to mean /feelings/ though. Phil remembered the promise he'd made to himself, and steeled himself for the speech he'd prepared, only to find himself wanting to coo at the way Dan had ordered them wine, but had refused to open it to make Phil feel safe. "Always the gentlemen," Phil replied. This was why Phil had wanted to see Dan so badly again. He cared so much to make Phil feel comfortable, when Phil was the one meant to be pleasing Dan, and it was just so...different to what Phil was used to. Men often wanted to take advantage of him, especially because of his job, and that was why so many safety precautions were put in place in the first place. Dan was the exception to the rule. As Phil went to inspect the bottle surreptitiously before pouring it, he pulled out his phone to make a quick call to Marty, letting him know subtly that they’d be busy and he’d text if he needed him. Then, as he uncorked the bottle, he cleared his throat. "I don't want you to feel bad. I give this speech to any client who threatens to become a regular, but...I meant it last time. Don't fall in love with me. If at any time I fear that you are, I will be forced to put a stop to our....time together. I really don't want to do that, Dan," he explained quietly. "I'm not accusing you of anything, though. Again. It's a speech I give to any client who wants to become a regular. And I sincerely hope that you do want that." Phil couldn't help softening the speech as he poured their drinks, handing Dan his glass first, and waiting for him to drink from it before he was willing to drink from his own. No matter how safe Dan made him feel, Phil would never feel /that/ safe. He wasn't stupid, and with a six year track record free of any pain inflicted on him from a client, Phil wanted to keep it that way. He hadn't gotten there without being exceptionally cautious. Though a part of Phil was afraid that Dan would fall for him, just from the way he followed Phil with puppy dog eyes, his desire to hold his hand, and the fact that Phil was his first male lover, he desperately didn't want to give Dan up. He hoped, maybe, it was just in Dan's nature to be affectionate, whether feelings were involved or not.

Again there was a certain sting to the words. Phil was reminding him again that this wasn’t anything but sex. Sex for money, sex because this was Phil’s job, sex because Dan could play by all of Phil’s rules. That was it. There was no real emotion behind this. It was better for both of them that way. He listened carefully as Phil told him he wouldn’t hesitate to drop him as a client if he even suspected that Dan was developing anything more than just lust for him. This was something Dan would often go over with himself. There was nothing there, he just liked the feeling of Phil’s skin against his own. He’d missed him because Phil was his first, it made sense after all. “Of course not,” Dan mumbled before he took a sip of his wine. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said lightly, remembering what he’d told Phil last time. And he wouldn’t, Dan wouldn’t let himself. He didn’t want to think about the prospect of love. Maybe that was because he knew his stomach fluttered every time he thought of Phil and he practically melted when he looked at him. “So, uh…how have you been?” Dan asked carefully, his fingers trailing over the stem of his glass. Was that an appropriate question? He wasn’t exactly sure.

Dan appeared almost...hurt from Phil's little speech, but he was quick to cover it up by changing the subject and sipping at his wine. Phil almost wanted to pursue the subject, to find out just exactly /why/ Phil's words had upset Dan, but at the last minute, he decided to let Dan change the subject without putting up a fight. There was determination in Dan's voice, and that's really all Phil needed. "Been fine. Just another regular week for me. What about you, Howell? Until I heard your last name, I never would have guessed you were the second half of the Howell Law firm. I'm surprised you've never heard of us before. Your firm is always the one we go to when things go...south with our clients." Relaxed now that Dan had has a few sips of his own glass of wine, Phil brought his to his lips and sipped, moving to sit right next to Dan on his sofa so their thighs would be touching. He liked the heat Dan radiated, and leaned into Dan's touch. He really hoped Dan never fell in love with him. Phil liked the feel of him all too much, enjoyed the sweetness and kindness that resided in his heart. He wanted to lean in and kiss Dan again already, but he already knew Dan's habits. He liked to talk, to relax, before sex. Phil honestly didn't mind it, but he'd been aching for Dan since he'd gotten the call that the man had made an appointment with him.

Dan quickly shook his head. “I don’t know what everyone does on their free time,” he said, taking another sip of his drink. He’d never really thought that the attorneys who worked for him would use an agency like that. Dan couldn’t say much though, not when he had Phil sitting right next to him. “We don’t usually talk about anything that isn’t work related,” he shrugged. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know much about his employees personal lives in general. While he wanted to reach out and touch Phil, slide an arm around his waist, Dan kept from doing so. He didn’t mean to be worried about the /kind/ of touches he gave the other. Now though, he didn’t want to give Phil the wrong impression, not when he risked losing the other’s company all together. It seemed like it had been so long since he’d seen him. Instead, he settled for shyly placing a hand on his knee. Was that too much? Dan didn’t know but he hoped it would alright. “I stay pretty busy,” he added. Another thing he was unsure about was how much he could ask about Phil.

Phil shook his head. "I don't know how many of your co-workers use our services either. I meant that /we/ employ /you guys/ when we need a lawyer," Phil explained, noting just how careful Dan was being now that Phil had warned him. Dan's hand came down hesitantly on Phil's knee, as if he was suddenly unsure if that would be too much affection and Phil would leave. Stealing both his and Dan's wine glasses and putting them on the coffee table, Phil climbed right into Dan's lap and straddled him. "Dan. Stop. You can touch me however you want, ask me whatever you want. Stop worrying. I only meant that I would know if you were starting to develop feelings for me, not that you had to watch the way you act just in case I get the wrong idea. Trust me when I say I don't want to give you up." Phil gave Dan a stern look, taking his arms and forcibly winding them around Phil's waist. He leaned in to kiss Dan, keeping it less than heated to keep Dan calm, and cupped his cheek. "There's a difference between getting what you need - affection, sex, conversation - and falling in love with me."

Dan’s face fell as he realized his misunderstanding. That meant at times, bad things did happen. He tried to recall some of his past cases, wondering if he could make any kind of connection. As awful as it was, sexual assault cases were fairly common at the firm. Before he could lose himself in thought though, he felt Phil taking his drink and then climbing into his lap. He could only half grasp what Phil was telling him though. He looked so good sitting in his lap. Then his arms were around Phil’s waist as the other assured him there was a difference between falling in love and craving affection. Dan didn’t know if he could honestly tell. He was already taken with Phil. No, he was sure it wasn’t love, but there was a warm comforting feeling he got just from being with Phil. There was some emotion there, he couldn’t deny that much. “I know, I just...I don’t want you to go because you’re uncomfortable. I don’t want to make you feel that way,” Dan confessed as he felt the need to explain himself. “I couldn’t wait to see you. I didn’t think I was going to call back, but I couldn’t really help it. I really don’t want you to go,” he added, laughing nervously and hoping to create a distraction from his honesty.

Phil patted Dan's cheek and leaned back in to kiss him again. The man was so sweet, not wanting to lose Phil already. Knowing what he did know about Dan working for the famous law firm, he could understand how Dan would crave affection and pseudo-love. As long as it remained pseudo, Phil could give that to him. "I guess I'm just too irresistible for you to let go. Come here. You must work hard, long hours as lawyer. Allow me to help you relax," he offered, and kissed Dan again. He pressed his tongue past Dan's lips and caressed Dan's sides with long strokes of his palms, enjoying the way Dan went pliant under him the same he'd done a week ago. "I'm not going to leave. I know the signs to look out for, and I doubt you're going to show them to me. So just let me be...your call boy." The words were whispered against the shell of Dan's ear as Phil's hands continued to press into his skin in a kind of massage. "I'll give you whatever you want. Would you like to talk some more first? We've got all night."

Dan was kissing back eagerly without any hesitation. If felt like he’d at least earned that from all the waiting he’d done the past week. He didn’t bother to tell Phil about how he’d hardly found the drive to head home at the end of the day. Dan sighed softly as he let himself relax further into the sofa. Was it wrong to say that this was first time he’d truly felt at ease? Even if Dan did fall in love with Phil, he’d never let on. Of course he wasn’t! That wasn’t going to happen…but if it did nobody would ever need to know. Dan knew he shouldn’t become a ‘regular’ or whatever. Already though he didn’t how he was going to cope with the idea of not calling Phil again. Why lie to himself? “D-Do you want to talk?” Dan asked almost breathlessly as Phil massaged at his skin. “Maybe watch your favorite movie?” Dan asked, pulling back some. It was probably the worst thing to ask in the middle of this. It seemed like it almost would have been easier to skip the process altogther, but Dan did enjoy learning more about Phil and he’d be there till eight. They didn’t have to rush.

Phil frowned, shaking his head. "If you want to watch a movie together and cuddle, that's fine. But I don't think it's a good idea to watch my favorite movie," Phil disagreed. It was sweet of Dan to want to watch something Phil enjoyed, but Phil wasn't here on a date. He was here to be that missing link someone needed in their lives for one night. Or multiple, so long as it remained no strings attached. "Comes with the whole don't fall in love with me thing. I'd be happy to watch your favorite movie though," he suggested, snuggling closer to Dan and moving so he could press his lips to Dan's neck. "Or we could watch later. Or not at all," he informed Dan, sucking at the soft skin again as he had last week. It would be nice to watch a movie with Dan that Phil actually liked, but that's not how things worked. Maybe, if Dan picked a movie Phil did like, he'd share that information, but he didn't want to set them up to do something for Phil when it was supposed to all be about what Dan wanted.

It wasn’t so much that Dan wanted to watch a movie; it was more like he wanted to know what Phil’s favorite was. He wanted to know is favorite color, what he liked to eat, what his favorite hobby was. Dan wanted to know all the things Phil specifically didn’t want him to know. It was a bad idea admittedly. This was meant to be about sex, not cuddling up with a bowl of popcorn and watching The Notebook or whatever. As Phil pressed his lips to Dan’s neck, he couldn’t help but ask himself just what he thought he was doing. Maybe he’d been in law for too long. It had sucked him dry of all his morals after all. This was only the second time he’d been with Phil. What made him think he could continue on like it was okay, that he didn’t want more? He would just have to tell himself he didn’t want anything else, he couldn’t become emotionally invested. “I don’t watch a lot of movies,” he said softly as he placed his hands back on Phil’s sides. He didn’t know what else to say. He had too many thoughts going on at once and he needed Phil to make them go away, even if they were all about him.

For a moment, Phil considered leaving, giving Dan a refund, because the fact that he didn't want to watch a movie of his own choosing indicated...a level of interest that wasn't safe for either of them. Dan couldn't, shouldn't get attached to Phil outside of their sexual relations and Dan paying Phil for said relations. In the end, be decided against it. He'd been thinking of Dan for a week. He didn't want to give up the chance to be with him any more than Dan seemed to want to give Phil up. They were walking a dangerous line, and Phil promised himself to be careful, but he knew he didn't want to give up Dan's sweetness yet. Slowly, as Dan seemed to not know what else he wanted to do, Phil pushed his hand between their bodies, and began to knead Dan's cock through his jeans. He wasn't even hard yet. Phil tried not to let his surprise show as he pressed his lips to Dan's neck again. "Then maybe we can talk later. We've got all night. Let me teach you something new, Dan. How do you feel about fingering?"

Dan inhaled sharply as he felt Phil start to rub his cock. This was what he had been missing the past week. It was the feeling of Phil’s hands on him, teasing and encouraging all at the same time. “Fingering?” Dan asked slowly. He’d never actually thought a whole lot about it. “Do you mean in general?” he wondered, his own thoughts becoming more serious. What did Phil have in mind for tonight? “I’ve done it with woman before, but never…I’ve never been-I’ve never - not with a man,” Dan said, fumbled over his words, unable to explain any further than that. Phil would understand what he was implying. Phil knew this was Dan’s first time doing anything at all related to guys. He felt his face heating up as he cleared his throat. “How do you feel about fingering?” he asked before clearing his throat. He didn’t know where Phil was going with this, but he wanted to find out.

Phil grinned. There was his adorable, flustered Dan. He loved when Dan stuttered over his words because he was unsure of himself. It was slightly reassuring to see Dan like this. "Baby, I love being fingered. But I wasn't suggesting you finger me. I was suggesting I finger you. Are you up for that, Dan? Learning what it's like to be pleasured by someone's fingers, what it's like to be stretched open to take someone's cock? I don't plan on fucking you until you're ready, but I want to show you how good it feels. You're got a sweet spot just like a girl. Do you wanna feel it, Dan?" Phil asked, voice low and husky against the shell of Dan's ear as he laved at the flesh there, hoping Dan would let him teach him what it was to be pleasured by a man.

So that’s why Phil was bringing it up? Dan could feel his stomach twisting nervously as he let himself process the idea. He knew of course he wanted to try, he was willing to let Phil do anything and everything to him. Even so, his heart speed up as his fingers pressed just a bit more firmly into the other’s sides. “You want to finger me?” he asked quietly, knowing that he’d heard the question right. He shuddered when he felt Phil at his ear. Slowly, he pulled away just enough to make eye contact with him. “Will it feel good?” Dan asked, his eyes scanning Phil’s face. He figured being fucked would undoubtedly hurt at least some, but did fingering?

Dan's fingers tightened their hold against Phil's sides, and he grinned like a cheshire. He loved the idea that Dan was clinging to him for reassurance. When was the last time he'd been with a virgin? They were nothing compared to Dan. Phil shuddered at the light touch and bit behind Dan's ear. "Yeah. Wanna finger you," Phil repeated, surprised when Dan pulled away to look at his face. There was insecurity, fear, and want in Dan's eyes. Phil dropped his grin to smile reassuringly at Dan, and brushed his fingers through Dan's fringe. "It feels a little weird at first, but it shouldn't hurt. Not if done right, and I promise I'll do right by you." The question brought back Phil's memory of the first time he'd been stretched, and he had to bite back a wince. It had hurt. Phil hadn't felt any pleasure. He wouldn't let that be Dan's first experience. "I love being fingered, Dan. I promise I wouldn't offer if I didn't think you'd enjoy it. Let me take care of you? I'll show you that spot inside that will have you seeing stars, something I know a girl could never give you. They don't get it, you know? That secret spot inside our bodies. But I do. And I want to show you." Phil was back to whispering huskily, hoping to make that want in Dan's eyes to come to the forefront. Oh, how he wanted to sink his fingers inside of Dan.

Dan continued to study Phil’s face, his own uncertainty was probably very evident. Phil seemed serious about making sure it felt good, though. He could have sworn his demeanor had even changed some. He reassured Dan that he’d be seeing stars after he found his spot. Dan trusted him to know what more than he did. Dan didn’t have a clue, but he figured Phil would know exactly what to do for him. “I want you to find it and make me feel good,” Dan mumbled before bringing their lips together once again. He ran his tongue against Phil’s lips, nibbling softly before pulling back. “As long as you love it,” he smiled back, still nervous yet willing to follow Phil’s lead. “I want to know what it’s like,” he added, not being able to keep himself from arching up some.

Phil smiled wider at Dan's words, surprised when the man leaned in quickly for a kiss, nibbling at Phil's bottom lip the way he had earlier. Phil loved that he'd given Dan the confidence to do that, and pushed back against the kiss, licking at Dan's lips and coaxing him into twining their tongues together. Then Dan was pulling away, arching up as he told Phil that he wanted to know what it was like. His voice had gone husky despite his obvious nerves, and it made Phil arch into him as well. "Promise it'll be good," he whispered huskily, pressing his palm harder against the clear bulge now in Dan's pants before moving it to reach into his own pocket where he pulled out a bottle of lube he always kept on his person. A few condoms fell out as well, and Phil laughed as Dan stared at him in want. "We'll get there when you're ready," he hushed Dan, and kissed him again, already beginning to work at the buttons on Dan's shirt. "Do you wanna do mine?" he suggested, moving his lips down Dan's jaw and biting just underneath it.

He groaned as he felt Phil apply more pressure to his straining hard on. Suddenly though, he was watching as Phil pulled a few things out of his pocket, a small bottle of lube included. He imagined it was probably something he needed to have on him at all times. His heart speed up once again as he watched a couple condoms fall from his pocket as well. He looked back at Phil, his mouth slack as he silently told Dan how much he wanted to try that as well. Dan smiled and laughed, promising that eventually it would happen. Then he was asking if Dan wanted to start undressing him, nipping at his chin hotly. All Dan could do was nod in agreement. While Phil worked at Dan’s buttons, Dan was doing the same to his. His hands came up to rest around Phil’s waist for a few seconds before he moved back to undo the other’s jeans.

Soon enough, Dan's shirt was off and all the buttons on Phil's were undone. Rather than pushing the shirt all the way off, Dan rested his hands on Phil's hips patiently, staring at Phil with desire in his eyes all over again. "Don't you want to touch me, Dan?" he asked, pressing his hips forwards as well as his chest so bare skin was touching all over. He slid his fingers into the back of Dan's hair, and dragged him close. "You didn't get to touch me everywhere last time. Wanna finish undressing me?" he suggested, licking back into Dan's mouth again after realizing just how much Dan enjoyed that.

Phil was right, he hadn’t gotten to touch everything last time. “Yeah, want to take everything off,” Dan mumbled, drowning in the feeling of Phil against his chest. He couldn’t help but want to see all of Phil. He opened his mouth further so that Phil could deepen their kiss. Dan was tilting his head as he carefully started to tug at Phil’s jeans, his fingers slipping pasting just the hem of his underwear. “Can I?” he asked as he forced himself to pull away. “Can I take everything?” he knew Phil had said he could, but he wanted to hear him say it again. He wanted Phil to move just enough so that he could start tugging everything else off. He wanted to touch and feel and see everything.

Phil groaned as he pulled away from Dan, the teasing touches at the hem of his jeans and pants almost too much. "Take it all," he begged Dan, peering up at him from under his eyelashes. Dan looked hungry for Phil, just the way Phil wanted him to be. He simpered at Dan, pushing his ass back further away from Dan's crotch so Dan could work his pants off, moving his legs until he was standing. Immediately, Dan was working at his zipper and button until he could yank Phil's pants down. Phil gasped at the quick movement, used to Dan being so gentle rather than aggressive. Completely bare, Phil let Dan take him in in his entirety. "Like what you see? Wanna touch me?"

Dan had did what he could to keep his pace slow. However, he found that he couldn’t ignore the fact he wanted to see and touch right at that moment. He yanked Phil’s jeans down and then his pants, moaning when Phil was exposed for him. “Uh huh,” Dan nodded, his breathing hitching in his throat. It felt like a privilege if he was honest. This was the first time he’d ever gotten to touch a male, to see a guy’s body on something that wasn’t his computer screen. Phil was right there and asking if Dan wanted to touch. Slowly and tenderly, he reached out to take Phil’s cock in his hand. Everything felt right like this. He liked the weight in hand and the silky skin. Carefully, Dan ran his thumb over the head, getting a feel for what it was like. It wasn’t much different than his own and yet it was completely different. “You feel good,” Dan mumbled, his eyes fixated on Phil. He’d said Phil was perfect before, this was just confirmation for him.

Dan was moaning just at the sight of him, and it sent a shiver down Phil's spine. Rarely did men look at Phil with such reverence in their eyes, and Dan was looking at him like he was a God. Phil had to remind himself this was probably Dan's first time truly seeing a man bare like this, and his first time getting to touch. Slowly, Phil watched as Dan reached out and gripped him in his hand, running his thumb over the head of Phil's cock gently and hesitantly. Phil couldn't help but moan, cock jumping in Dan's hand at the attention. Dan's eyes remained locked on Phil's cock even as he continued to play with it, testing the weight and feel of it in his hand. The touch was teasing, but Phil didn't mind so much. "'S different, isn't it? Better." Phil moaned again as Dan's thumb ran through the slit. "Come here," Phil insisted, and pulled Dan up and into his arms so he could kiss him again. "Wanna get you bare too." As Dan tilted his head like a gentlemen to let Phil in, Phil reached down to unbuckle Dan's belt, pulling the piece of useless fabric through Dan's belt loops slowly. Dan was still gripping Phil's cock softly, gently, and the feeling was unreal. "Wanna get my hands all over you. I'm gonna make you feel so good, Dan," Phil insisted, moaning into the other man's mouth.

“Much better,” Dan agreed as he ran his thumb over the slit, letting his hands roam as he pleased. Dan wanted to describe the moment better but he couldn’t. It was profound and perfect in every way. He knew it was only going to get better. Phil was pulling him up to him and then pulling him in closer. After another hot open mouth kiss, Phil was telling him that he wanted Dan in the same undressed state. Before he could even agree, not that he needed to, Phil was pulling his belt lose and letting it fall to the floor. As their lips connected again, Dan wanted nothing more to feel Phil everywhere against him. He had to pull his hand away, much too eager to get his own jeans and underwear off. He whined into the kiss, begging Phil for more already.

Dan was so eager. His grip on Phil's cock fell away so Dan could try and help him get Dan's clothes off as well. Other than a chuckle, Phil didn't react, allowing Dan to fight with his jeans with Phil until Dan was dragging them off of his legs. Exposed to Phil, Phil licked his lips and moved his hands to wrap them around Dan's hips, dragging Dan in until their hips were flush together. The sensation of their cock's rubbing together made Phil groan, and he rolled his hips into Dan's again just to feel the way Dan pulsed against him. He wasn't going to get much more friction tonight for a while. "Bedroom. You're gonna wanna be on the bed for this," Phil insisted, panting against Dan's neck. As Dan pulled away to drag Phil to his bedroom, Phil quickly bent down to grab the bottle of lube he'd dropped.

Dan made a strangled sound as he felt their cocks press together. He didn’t know what to do with himself when Phil rolled his hips. He knew that, given the chance, he’d be able to get off from just that alone. To have Phil’s bare erection rubbing against his was heaven. As soon as Phil told him to start heading towards the bedroom though, Dan didn’t hesitate. He was quickly grabbing onto Phil’s hand and pulling him out of the lounge and into his bedroom instead. He hardly noticed as Phil reached down to grab the lube. Without needing to think about it Dan connected their lips once again.

Dan was definitely desperate for him already tonight, and Phil was reveling in the notion as Dan dragged him into his bedroom before immediately slamming their lips back together. Phil opened his mouth to Dan, allowing the other male to lick into his mouth and kiss the breath out of him. It was nice to see Dan too distracted with /want/ to be nervous. Still, Phil did exactly the same as he had the last time he'd been in Dan's room, and gently walked him backwards until he was falling on the bed. This time, though, Phil didn't immediately climb on top of him. "Scoot back, spread your legs," he ordered, waiting until Dan had done what he'd asked. Then he reached out and ran his palms up and down Dan's thighs, caressing his body while Dan stared at him. He ran his blunt nails down the tender skin softly before finally climbing between Dan's legs. Rather than getting started, he pressed himself over Dan so their cocks would rub together again, and kissed him. "Can't wait for the day when you'll have your way with me. Gonna build that confidence, Dan. Gonna have you fuck me when you're ready."

Phil always knew the right words to say to him and just how to touch him. While there was a split second of doubt, Dan was quickly pushing it away. He scooted back like Phil had asked him to. It took a second longer before he was able to spread his legs with Phil. As it turned out, instead jumping right into it, Phil was touching him. His nails scraped against his inner thighs and he didn’t bother to try and hide his moan. It was even better when Phil climbed between his legs and moved so that their cocks were again sliding against each other. “Phil,” Dan gasped as the other continued to tell him amazing things. Someday he’d get to fuck Phil. He’d get the chance to be inside of him. “Please?” he asked softly. “I want to know what it's like,” he whispered before thrusting up against Phil. Not only that, but he wanted the chance to have Phil inside of him as well. Dan wanted everything with Phil.

Phil smirked as Dan moaned underneath him, begging for something that Phil was offering in the future. Leaning over to Dan's ear, Phil whispered, "Whatever you want, Dan. I'll give you anything and everything. You want it now? Wanna fuck me? I'll get myself all nice and ready for you. I'll be so hot and wet. So good for you, I promise," he whispered huskily, rutting his hips down against Dan's and moaning at the feeling of their cocks rubbing together. "Or do you want me to finger you? Stretch you open for me, show you what it's like to be pleasured without ever even touching your cock?" Phil's words were filthy, and he knew his breath was hot as he rutted his hips down more, aching for Dan already. He knew if Dan wasn't ready to fuck him yet, fingering Dan would be just as good. Phil would be more than happy to get off with Dan by fucking his own fist again. Just the sight of Dan was plenty for Phil. That realization, two weeks in a row, was a little bit terrifying. None of Phil's other clients got him going like Dan did. Sure, Phil was a sex addict. He could go multiple times a day and found himself needy and desperate for it at least once a day, but masturbation was rarely a relief. With Dan, it was all that he needed.

As much as he wanted to fuck Phil and feel him on the inside, Dan wanted to know what it was like to have Phil’s fingers inside of him first. The idea of having sex with Phil already was too much. “I want you to make me feel good…with your fingers. Want you to drive me crazy,” he gasped as he spread his legs a bit further, wondering if it would encourage Phil some. He panted as he continued to rut against Phil’s cock, the sensation almost too much for him. Again, he recalled how sex had never been this good before. Phil had a way of making him hot and needy without hardly touching him. “Please, I really want to feel your fingers inside of me,” Dan groaned as he glanced around for the lube Phil had earlier. Anything to speed things up some. He’d waited a whole week to be with Phil again and yet it seemed like he’d waited lifetimes.

Phil felt the breath punch out of him. The way Dan sounded when he was asking Phil to pleasure him - fuck. It sent blood rushing south again, and his cock pulsed against his stomach. "Fuck," he panted as Dan spread his legs further, exposing himself in a way that Phil hadn't been expecting. For someone who clearly needed to take it slow, he sure as hell wasn't taking it slow. There was so little hesitation in Dan's body language that Phil immediately grabbed for the lube he'd brought with them and popped the cap. "So hot, Dan. Gonna drive you crazy, just like you want." And Phil definitely would. He was going to draw this out, make Dan crazy with his teasing. He couldn't wait to sink his fingers into Dan. As a distraction, Phil kissed Dan again, shuddering as Dan rutted up, and managed to pour lube on three fingers of one hand. He rubbed it between his fingers to warm it up, coating them as equally as he could, and making sure there was enough to make things good for Dan. Then he pulled away, and moved backwards on his knees so he could see Dan properly. "Put your legs on my shoulders. Come on. Don't want to hurt you," he encouraged, leaning down to kiss at Dan's stomach. With one hand, he held tight to one of Dan's legs, his fingers curling around his thigh, and with the other, he traced the lubed up fingers down and over Dan's cock before settling them at Dan's entrance. He ran the tip of one finger around Dan's entrance teasingly, watching as Dan clenched around nothing, clearly beginning to get nervous again. Phil leaned back over and suckled at Dan's balls, fully intending to make Dan come from nothing but his prostate /after/ he started to feel good from the fingering. He wasn't against using Dan's cock to relax him. "Gotta relax, Dan. Be good for me. Gonna make it good, okay? But you gotta relax. I'm going to push one finger in at a time, okay? Tell me when to try another one."

Once again Phil brought their lips together. This time though it was accompanied with the feeling of Phil rutting down into him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Phil was getting ready. He could hear the cap opening, but Dan was still pressing their lips together. He could feel his heart speeding up again and he fought the urge to ask Phil if he was sure it would feel good. Phil said it would and Phil knew. He trusted him enough to tell the truth. He focused on kissing the other for the moment until Phil was pulling away. Not just from the kiss, but from Dan all together. Now Dan couldn’t ignore his nerves any longer. There was something about being so exposed and open for another person that made it feel like his heart was in his throat. He took a deep breath and nodded, doing what Phil asked. He shifted some as he placed his legs against Phil’s shoulders. He shivered lightly as he felt Phil’s lips pressing against his stomach, and then his fingers on his thighs, and then he felt Phil’s finger against his entrance. He gasped softly. He was only teasing Dan. He had to remind himself to relax. He nodded after a moment, taking a deep breath as he forced his body to settle. He nodded before shifting again. “Want you to make feel good,” he mumbled again.

As Phil felt Dan's body began to relax under his finger, he pressed the first one in up to his knuckle, feeling it as Dan clenched down around him immediately. He sucked at Dan's balls again, licking a stripe between them, and waited for Dan's hips to settle. His fingers tightened around Dan's thigh, and his lips moved to press kisses into the same area while he let Dan's body settle around the finger teasing at Dan's entrance. Dan was tight around him. Hot. It was clear he'd never done this before, never even tried it on himself. "Do you watch porn, Dan?" Phil asked, drawing his mouth away from tanned skin to look up at a clearly nervous Dan. "Have you ever watched two men fucking?" he asked, pushing the finger in further as Dan's body relaxed, only for Dan to clench down again. "I know it's porn, but remember the way they sounded. Only so much can be faked. Don't you want that, Dan? Gotta relax for me."

Phil was licking at his balls, placing kisses to his skin, and doing what he could to distract Dan. It worked better than Dan could have thought it would. He took in the feeling of having a finger pressed into him. There was a point in his life that he’d never thought he’d be doing this. Yet it felt right in a way. Maybe not comfortable, but something Dan had wanted. Previously, all he’d wanted was for the sex to be other with. This was now the furthest thing for Dan’s mind. He wanted it to last as long as possible. Even if he was struggling to get used to the feeling. Suddenly, Phil was asking him something. As soon as Dan was able to process the question, he was nodding. He’d watched two men before. It was heated, needy, it looked like it felt amazing. “I’m relaxed,” he mumbled as let himself think about how good he wanted it to feel. “Want more,” he added softly, taking another deep breath. He wanted his body to accept all of Phil.

At Dan's heated words and determined expression, Phil pressed the finger in deeper, loving the feeling of Dan's walls pressing back against him. His finger slipped in easily enough as Dan worked on unclenching. The feel of Dan's body tightening and untightening around Phil's fingers made him lick his lips, and he leaned down to press more kisses into Dan's thighs. The hickeys he'd left last week were faded and gone, but Phil wanted them to come back. He wanted Dan to remember him, no matter how dangerous that was, as he bit and nibbled at the skin, pressing his finger in and an out, and crooking it against Dan's walls. At first, Dan squirmed under him, but he quickly switched from appearing uncomfortable, to relaxed as he took Phil, rocking back a little at the movement of Phil's finger. Encouraged, Phil pressed a second finger to Dan's rim to play with it, dipping the very tip in and out next to the other finger as he waited for Dan to give him the go ahead to press a second finger inside. He sucked harder at Dan's thigh, just at the juncture between pelvis and thigh, not wanting Dan to forget this experience /ever/.

Eventually, that uncomfortable feeling was gone all together. Instead, Dan was moaning in response to Phil’s finger inside of him. The sensation of Phil pushing inside of him and then leaving hickeys at his thighs was almost overwhelming. When he felt a second finger at his rim he couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped him. It was amazing and he wanted more. He rocked his hips into the other’s finger, asking for more depth and for Phil to add a second. “It’s good,” he mumbled, his eyes falling shut as he spread his legs a bit more for Phil. He was hard and aching just from Phil’s touches and finger. “Phil,” he groaned as he attempted to sink down further. “More, I need…I’m ready for more,” he said as his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. How could something feel so good? He wondered briefly as he fought not to touch his cock. He’d never felt as amazing as he did with Phil. He couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else.

At Dan's reassurance and request for more, Phil pushed the second finger past the ring of muscle, enjoying the way Dan clenched down but moaned in pleasure at the same time. Phil hadn't even gotten to Dan's prostate yet, but he was glad to hear Dan enjoying himself. Sometimes, men didn't enjoy being fingered at all, but Phil had hoped Dan would. It was clear that he did as he rocked into Phil's hand, Curling his fingers deeper, Phil pressed in, trailing kisses up and to the base of Dan's cock. Since Dan wasn't encountering any pain and there was no need to distract, Phil decided to start teasing him. He sucked lightly at the base, laving around it in circles with his tongue while his fingers crooked deeper inside of Dan. He licked downwards, until his tongue met with his fingers, and then pulled away. Rimming was for another day. His mouth moved to tease at Dan's thighs as he pressed in harder, letting Dan fuck into him as he moaned. "Good?" he asked, smirking up at Dan. His face was flushed, and he'd began to sweat, his fringe plastered against his forehead.

He was relaxed enough that when Phil pushed a second finger in, he wasn’t met with much resistance. Dan moaned in response as he was stretched around Phil. Then he felt the sensation of Phil’s lips on his cock. He was trailing light kisses at first, but then he was sucking at the base, lapping around it while his fingers went deeper. “Dan, fuck, so good,” Dan gasped, arching his back into the feeling. Then lips were against his thighs again and Dan was fucking himself on Phil’s fingers. He head was thrown back and he couldn’t comprehend much of anything at the moment. “Fuck, more ugh, please, yes,” he mumbled, asking for a third finger.

Dan had become incoherent, and a lecherous grin overtook Phil's features as he pressed the third finger to Dan's rim, teasing at it and poking it inside, but not pushing it in just yet. "Mm, you look so good like this. Fucking yourself on my fingers. Gonna make it even better, Dan," Phil teased, stretching the two fingers already in Dan's body apart so there would be less resistance for the third finger when Phil pushed if in. He moved from Dan's thighs to his hip, sucking and biting marks there when Dan rocked down on him. As Phil pushed the third finger inside of Dan, he twisted his hand a bit, wanting to start looking for that spot but also wanting to shift so that it would hurt less when the third finger was pressed inside. Dan moaned, arching his back as the stretch increased, but Phil still went slow, trailing bites and soft kisses back over to his cock as a light distraction. Once the third finger along with the first two were once again pressed deep, Phil curled the very tips, dragging them against Dan's walls, and watched as Dan writhed on the bed.

He’d never get over how good dirty talk sounded when it was coming from Phil. He could feel himself being stretched further as he rode down on Phil. Somewhere in the back of his head, he was aware of the bites and marks Phil was leaving against his skin. It was the perfect combination for Dan. “Fuck,” he gasped again. Even though it felt amazing Dan needed more. He needed just a bit more to finally send him over the edge. “Phil,” Dan cried out as he felt a third finger being added inside of him. It was almost painfully slow the pace Phil had created. While it took a moment to adjust, a slight sting slowing his own movements down, it didn’t take long for things to feel perfect again. He was panting, his own skin slick with sweat, as he arched for more. He could feel Phil’s fingertips running along his walls, but it wasn’t until he felt it that he understood. He cried out again as Phil brushed across something wonderful inside of him. It was almost too much before he realized that he was begging for more. “Please, please!” Dan moaned, wanting to feel that blinding pleasuring once again. It had made his own toes curl and his fingers were gripping roughly at the sheets underneath him.

As Phil brushed his fingers deeper, curling them inside of Dan, he heard the man underneath him cry out in pleasure, his fingers tightening around the sheets under him. Phil grinned, pulling away from where he was leaving marks all over Dan's thighs, and leant forward. Finally, he was driving Dan insane, and this was only just the beginning. Dan was about to find out just how good Phil was at this. He pressed into Dan's prostate again, loving the sound of Dan's moans, but he let go of Dan's thigh on his shoulder to move it down onto Dan's hip. He pressed down with his fingers, holding Dan still, as he pumped his fingers in and out, pressing into that bundle of nerves with every other thrust. Teasing, Phil pressed kisses to Dan's belly again, tonguing at his belly button, and every time Dan cried out for more, Phil denied him. He could feel Dan's muscles tensing, his body clenching around Phil, writhing on the bed as Phil teased him, wanting the pleasure to last as long as he could make it. Teasing, teasing, Phil pumped his fingers slower, and then faster, dragging them in and out of Dan, and ignoring his pleas. "Shh. Gonna take care of you. Trust me."

Dan didn’t know how much more he could take. Already his climax was building inside of him. He wondered if he could really finish without hardly having his cock touched. He arched his back again, trying to feel more of Phil inside of him. He was twisting against the sheets. He couldn’t even try and hold still at the moment. Again, Phil’s fingers were pressing into his prostate. Eventually, Phil’s hand was coming down to force him still. Dan did what he could to listen, but Phil was brushing against the spot inside him of him. “Please?” he whimpered. Phil was busy with other things though. The pace wasn’t steady. One moment Phil was going fast, and then the other he was slowing back down. “Trust you,” Dan moaned. His eyes were closed tightly. He wanted to last for Phil. He didn’t know if he could though. Everything was overwhelming and it felt like he was at the brink already. He tried to steady his breathing, allowing Phil to do what he wanted with him.

As Phil noted Dan arching off the bed, desperate and needy, Phil pushed his fingers deep, and at the same time reached for Dan's cock to squeeze at the base. Immediately, Dan cried out, hips pumping as Phil forcefully continued to press his fingers into that spot that drove Dan crazy. With the way Phil's fingers were pressing around Dan's cock, however, it was impossible for him to come. "I could keep you going like this for hours," Phil stated seductively, sneaking a quick lick at Dan's tip just to see him shudder. "But I won't, because I know how badly you want to come," Phil added, licking again and then drawing away. He moved his body so Dan's legs fell to the sheets below, released Dan's cock, and jammed his fingers into Dan's prostate once again. Relentlessly, Phil drove his fingers in and out of Dan, and leaned up and over Dan to kiss him, swallowing his moans hungrily as he moaned as well. His hips rocked against Dan's belly as his fingers jammed forward, until finally, Phil felt Dan's hips jerk upward and he screamed into Phil's mouth.

Dan didn’t know what he was going to do if Phil had actually planned on keeping this up for hours. Thankfully though that wasn’t what was going to happen tonight. He moved away slightly only to shove his fingers back into his prostate. It was fast this time. Dan had no time to recover as Phil continued to press and prod into him. He quickly returned the kiss, lapping into Phil’s mouth before he was feeling himself start to push over the edge. He cried into the other’s mouth, moaning as he let the pleasure overcome him, and then he was coming hard against them. He rocked his hips, riding out his orgasm. Everything was white hot pleasure. He could feel the ecstasy in every single place. Dan’s whole body was buzzing with electricity and he was tossing his head back again. “Fuck!” he cried again as he shuddered beneath Phil. His breathing was labored and he didn’t think he was ever going to be able to come back down again.

Phil helped Dan ride out the feeling as he pumped his fingers much slower than before, dragging out the sensation of Dan's overpowering orgasm even as Phil continued to rock his hips against Dan's stomach. Cum was splattered between them, moistening the expanse of skin that Phil was rubbing off against, and Phil could only groan as he began to pant against Dan, rolling his hips over and over again. His fingers pumped into Dan until Dan was whining from the over stimulation, at which point Phil drew away, straddling Dan's hips as his hand came down to stroke at himself. He threw his head back, displaying himself completely to Dan as he worked himself to his own orgasm. "Fuck, Dan!" Phil groaned, eyes squeezed shut as he rutted into his own fist, back arching into nothing.

Dan wondered if Phil knew how beautiful he was. Of course he knew how sexy and attractive he was, but did he realize how absolutely beautiful he was? Those were the thoughts that spun around Dan’s head as he watched Phil tip over the edge with him. He watched him come undone. His own orgasm had never been so strong and satisfying before, yet watching Phil was even better in a way. If he hadn’t just come, he knew he’d be hard all over again. He stared at the other, panting softly. He wanted to remember this forever. He could feel the others come on him. Dan did nothing but welcome the sensation. He reached out to trail his hands down the other’s side. He needed to touch and feel connected to Phil.

Phil's orgasm punched out of him harder than he expected considering he was masturbating, and he panted as he felt himself release all over Dan's chest. He gasped, surprised by the feeling of Dan reaching up to press his hands to Phil's sides, and moaned as Dan ran them up and down against the skin. It took a moment for Phil to recover from the feeling enough to climb off of Dan, but when he did, he left the room to find the bathroom. When he returned with a wet wash cloth, Dan looked surprisingly upset, and Phil tilted his head at him. "Hey. Sorry. I just wanted to clean us up." He should have thought to ask if Dan was the type who needed their partner to stay after sex, but he hadn't, and now he was mentally slapping himself as he returned to climb into Dan's lap and clean his chest.

He’d watched Phil get up and he could swear his heart ached in some odd way. He didn’t understand why he was leaving and for moment, he could have sworn the other was getting up to leave. He’d just walked out and Dan felt a sense of emptiness. Did Phil hate it, he wondered as he tried to sort out what had just happened. Dan had been ready to wrap his arms around him and get comfortable, to fall asleep peacefully like he had last time. He blinked in confusion. He couldn’t have went far though, not without his clothes. Suddenly, the other was returning with a damp washcloth. Dan almost sighed in relief. Of course Phil didn’t leave. “It's fine, I’m glad you thought about it,” he smiled as Phil was back on his lap. Right away Dan’s hands were carefully placed on the other’s lower back. He was silently asking that Phil stay in bed. Even if Dan had paid for the night, it was still Phil’s choice.

Dan's hands came back down on Phil's hips, and Phil could read it as a silent plea for Phil not to leave again, so he wiped down Dan's chest before dropping the washcloth down next to the bed. Then he settled himself on top of Dan, where Dan seemed to want him, and got ready to cuddle. "I'm sorry I left without saying anything. Some people need their partner to stay," Phil murmured quietly. “I'm your call boy. Tell me what you need. I /want/ to please you," he continued, dropping a kiss to Dan's neck. "Did you enjoy that?" he asked, kissing Dan again as Dan's strong arms came up around him, petting at his low back and shoulders.

“No, no I just wasn’t-I didn’t…” Dan fumbled over his words as he felt his face heating up some. “I just wasn’t sure where you were going is all,” Dan finished, hoping he didn’t sound pathetic. It probably sounded ridiculous that Dan would need Phil to stay with him right after sex. It wasn’t far from the truth though. For a few seconds, he focused on running his hands up and down Phil’s back. “Can I ask you a question?” Dan mumbled suddenly. Phil had said it was alright to ask questions. Maybe he wouldn’t mind answering a few of Dan’s.

Phil smiled, knowing that Dan was trying to cover up the fact that he was particularly clingy after sex. It wasn't unusual, really, but Phil figured telling Dan that was pointless. He didn't need to embarrass the man further than he already had. Personally, Phil didn't understand the clinginess after sex, but he was used to it, and wouldn't judge anyone for feeling that way. People said sex was intimate, and made you feel close to the people around you. Phil recognized that, but he'd been intimate with so many people it was easy for Phil to lose that clingy need. So Phil hummed, relaxing against Dan rather than responding, enjoying the sensation of Dan's rather large hands running up and down his back. "Sure. If you answer my question," Phil teased, realizing that Dan hadn't told him if he'd enjoyed being fingered or not.

Dan smiled lightly as he felt Phil relax against him. “Okay, I’ll answer your question.” he said as his hands stilled against the other’s back. “I’ll let you go first,” Dan said softly. He was a bit nervous about his own question. It was a bit of a daring thing to ask. Still, he was dying to know. He wanted just a bit more insight into Phil’s life, even if it was personal. Dan wasn’t the type to just have sex with someone and not want to know them at least a little bit more. He knew it was stupid, that he shouldn’t get so attached, and asking questions and getting answers were some of the first steps to getting attached.

"I asked you earlier," Phil replied, chuckling as he realized that Dan hadn't even heard him. He rolled away from Dan, cuddling into his side instead, and kissed his shoulder. "I wanted to know if it was good. Did you like the fingering? The teasing? Would you want to do it again?" Phil asked, smirking as he implied that Dan was most definitely going to call him again. The sweet sound of his voice was enough to make Phil want to see him again, and Phil was once again reminded of just how dangerous a game he was playing. He needed to be careful.

Whatever Phil had said earlier had been lost on Dan. There was something about Phil that made him quickly lose track of everything. “Did I like it?” Dan asked with a laugh. “Do you have to ask?” He smirked as he wrapped an arm around Phil. “It wasn’t something I ever pictured myself doing. It was amazing though. I probably would have missed out on the best orgasm of my life if I hadn’t tried it. I think we need to do it again sometime,” Dan smiled again, this time much softer. “I want to try everything with you,” he added, his voice a bit more hesitant this time.

Phil laughed as Dan confirmed what he'd assumed from the noises Dan had made when he'd come, and smirked up at Dan, surprised to find Dan smirking back at him. He blinked away the sappy feeling growing in his chest at pleasing Dan, surprised to find it there at all, and forcefully made himself continue to smirk, though the muscles in his face tried to pull the look into a softer grin. Sure, Phil always enjoyed pleasing his clients, but this was a different feeling. Usually, Phil felt cocky and buzzed from his own orgasm, but the softness of Dan's features and the sweetness of his demeanor just made Phil feel pleased and warm all over. "We can do whatever you want, Dan," Phil assured him, voice going low and sexy as he rolled his hips forward. "Whenever you want," he added with a wink. Dan blushed, looking very much like he couldn't go another round, unlike Phil. "But you wanted to ask me something?"

He was glad when Phil changed the subject. As much as he’d like to go again, he didn’t exactly think he was up for it. He felt so spent already. It was a pleasant feeling though. This was the best kind of limp and worn out feeling by far. He’d never been so satisfied before, and it was all because of Phil. He chewed his lip for a short second before his expression turned into a more serious one. “I did want to ask something,” Dan answered quietly. “How did get into this…profession? I mean, being a call boy. How did it come about for you?” Dan was careful when he picked his words. The last thing he wanted to do was offend Phil. Still, it was hard to ask a question like that and know how to be correct in all aspects of wording it. “Was there a reason you decided to do this? Did you just need the money, or was it because of a bad experience you had beforehand or something?” Dan mumbled as he tried to come up with his own answers. It wasn’t like a person just woke and said to themselves ‘I think I’ll have sex for money.’ It didn’t work that way. There had to be something more to it.

Phil had been prepared for just about any question, but when Dan asked him how he'd decided to become a call boy, he tensed up immediately. He knew Dan wasn't trying to pry or be offensive in anyway, but it hit close to home. He didn't tell people why he was a call boy. No one ever asked. Phil didn't even have /friends/ to ask about his profession, but he doubted he'd explain even to them if he did have friends to ask about what he did. Drawing away from Dan, Phil stared up at him. They weren't meant to be getting personal, but more than that, Phil wasn't willing to talk about this. Especially not when Dan asked him if the reason behind his choice to be in this profession had anything to do with a negative experience. Plastering on a false smirk, Phil sat up and straddled Dan. "No. No negative experiences. I just like to /please/," Phil assured Dan, rolling his hips down despite knowing that Dan wasn't up for another round. Mostly, he was just doing it for show. "I enjoy sex, Dan. If you want to know the truth, my first boyfriend introduced me to this world. He made me come so hard, I was seeing /stars,/ and then he told me how he made his money. For a while, we did things together. A duo, you know?" Phil teased, voice sultry and low as he rolled his hips into Dan's again, biting his lip to make himself look even more sexy. "He taught me everything I know. We were the most popular duo, and now that he's gone, I'm the most popular call boy. I hope you know how lucky you are, Dan," he continued to tease, though almost every word out of his mouth was a lie. Phil didn't share, despite his profession, and he'd never /had/ a boyfriend before, but Dan didn't need to know that. Phil would tell Dan anything, if it meant the other male would let it go.

To anyone else, Phil’s story would seem incredibly sex. It was sultry and tempting, exactly what a person would want to hear from their call boy. Yet it was just that, a story. He felt Phil roll his hips down on him in what was an attempt to add to what he was saying. Dan winced softly as he felt his heart sink some. There were a couple things Dan was good at, one being how to spot a lie. He was lawyer, he always knew when someone wasn’t telling the truth. Dan didn’t know what he was expecting when he asked Phil to tell him how this all came about. Of course he wouldn’t want to discuss his personal life. That was part of the rules, wasn’t it? He’d thought for a moment though that Phil really would trust him with the information, or feel like he could talk about it with Dan. “Phil,” Dan whispered sadly as he placed his hand against Phil’s hips to force him to stop the constant movements. As soon as Phil was still, Dan had to fight off the urge to press his hands to the other’s face. “Please, Phil. You don’t have to lie. I know you aren’t being exactly honest with me. I can tell, it’s what I’m best at. I shouldn’t have asked,” Dan mumbled. “But please don’t feel like you ever have to lie, not to me. If I ever ask anything that you don’t want to answer, just tell me you don’t want share that information with me. Or tell me it’s none of my business, anything. Just-just don’t lie okay? I understand that some things aren’t meant to be shared,” Dan said. He could see through Phil and it hurt to know that Phil couldn’t be honest with him. Dan really did get it though. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Dan's hands came to his hips, forcing him to stop his movements, and Phil could do nothing more than stare as Dan spoke, his voice sounding ridiculously sad. His voice was low, and quiet as he called Phil out on his lie. Phil should have known Dan would have seen right through him, but it was a surprise to Phil just how wounded Dan sounded at the prospect of Phil lying to him. Unable to do anything more than stare down at Dan in wonder, Phil blinked, frozen on top of Dan. "I -" he tried, only to interrupt himself, blinking slowly. How did Dan exist? Was this real life? How could someone as amazing, and sweet, and beautiful as Dan exist in Phil's life? A call boy who'd never been treated like he mattered by any client he'd ever had in six fucking years. Slowly, Phil climbed off of Dan, completely shocked as he settled back down next to Dan. "Sorry. I'm just. Used to making things up. When clients ask me questions, they usually expect - well, something like that," Phil finally admitted, finding his voice and his words as he looked up at Dan, who still looked hurt. "Okay. I won't lie to you again. If I can't answer your questions, I won't, from now on. I won't lie to you again." At the sound of the words, Phil was reminded of the promise he’d made to himself the first time he’d met Dan, and wondered how he’d forgotten. He’d made a judgement call then that there would be no good to lying to Dan, and he’d still done it. No, this time, he promised himself he’d just tell Dan no if he asked something Phil couldn’t answer.

Dan relaxed some as he felt Phil settle down next to him. For a moment, he’d thought Phil would ask to leave. It wasn’t something Dan was going to hold against him or blame him for. Dan had been mentally preparing himself for Phil to leave. Knowing that he wasn’t planning on it took a large a weight off Dan. “I don’t expect everything about your life to be hot and explicit,” Dan said as he carefully ran a hand down Phil’s arm. He was nervous all over again. “I don’t expect you to go to the grocery store in lingerie,” Dan joked, hoping it would lighten things some. Dan knew there was more he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Phil that it was okay and that he’d rather have Phil tell him he couldn’t answer rather than tell him a lie. He wanted to know Phil on a personal level. He doubted Phil would entertain that idea of his for long. “I understand it’s not easy. Just know that you never have to lie. You don’t have to answer any question if you don’t want to either. I’m just glad to have your company.”

Phil was still kind of shocked as Dan ran a hand down Phil's arm, caressing him and comforting him in a way. He laughed a bit as Dan assured him he didn't believe that Phil was always this sexy minx that climbed into his bed. Dan knew that sometimes he was just a normal person, and that was...reassuring, in a surprising way. He'd never felt that before. A part of Phil was freaking out as he wondered if this was more dangerous than he'd first realized, to spend so much time with Dan. He was almost too understanding, too sweet, and it should unnerve Phil, but it was just a breath of fresh air instead. He wanted to cling to Dan, even if it was stupid. He knew it was. This wasn't a place for romance, and anyway, Phil didn't believe in that crap, but still. Dan was everything Phil had never had, and then some. He curled back up against Dan. "Okay," Phil finally responded dumbly, nodding his head against Dan's chest where he'd laid his head. "Maybe we should...talk about other things. Did you want to watch that movie, now? You've got me all night, and it's not too late yet."

Phil was right; it was better to change the subject now before it got too heavy. “I don’t have a favorite movie,” Dan admitted again as he rested his hand on Phil’s lower back. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt more comfortable and contented. Phil was warm and solid against him and he couldn’t help but sigh softly. “I can pick something out though…if you want,” Dan added. “I think I have some popcorn or something.” Dan rested his chin on top of Phil’s head. He wanted nothing more than to watch a movie with Phil. To be with him in a nonsexual way. He knew Phil didn’t want to get close. It didn’t have to be anything more than just watching a movie though, it could have no real meaning behind it at all.

Dan was always checking with Phil if that's what he wanted, if Phil wanted to do something, or if he wanted to stay. As lovely as it was, Phil felt he needed to knock those thoughts out of Dan's head. Dan was paying him for his time. Whatever Dan wanted, Dan got. "Dan. I'm your call boy. Whatever you want to do, okay?" he insisted, sitting up slightly and already missing the solid weight of Dan next to him. This was probably not good. Phil shouldn't miss his warmth. "If you just want to sleep, we can do that too. Promise," Phil assured him with a gentle smile.

Dan smiled up at Phil. He really did want to make Dan happy. It wasn’t hard to make that happen. All Dan really wanted was to have Phil there. He didn’t know he’d missed him until then. He knew he couldn’t stop thinking about him, but was that wasn’t the same as missing someone. Even if Phil insisted they do whatever Dan wanted, it didn’t seem fair. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t any type of relationship. Not the kind where both people decided on what they wanted. Phil insisted that Dan could decide on that. “How about I put a movie on and we fall asleep watching it,” Dan said, knowing he probably couldn’t stay awake long enough to finish one anyway.

Phil watched Dan work over what Phil had said in his mind, a small smile creeping up on his face, and somehow, it was a relief. It seemed to mean that maybe Dan was finally getting to understand that he really could do anything he wanted with Phil. It made Phil think that things would be okay. Dan wasn't going to fall in love with him. They could continue seeing each other. As Dan requested they fall asleep watching a movie together, Phil nodded enthusiastically, grinning as well. Watching a movie in bed together sounded like a safe option. "So why is is you don't have a favorite movie?" Phil asked. "And what do you feel like watching?"

Dan sat up a little more, enjoying the happy look on Phil’s face. This made everything worth it. “I just don’t have one. I guess I don’t really watch enough?” Dan shrugged, unsure as to why he’d never picked one. “I have a lot of movies I like though,” he added, wondering if it was stranger that he didn’t have a movie that he could call his favorite. He smiled back softly. “I like everything. I’m usually okay with everything.” Dan said. Still he was trying to think of something so Phil wouldn’t have to, knowing that made the man uncomfortable.

Phil nodded. He understood it was difficult at times to pick a favorite anything, so he didn't push. "I get that, yeah," he said aloud, and sat up to ruffle at his hair. He dragged a hand through it, before putting it right, and smirked when he saw the way Dan was looking at him. He made the grin as sexual as he could and stuck his tongue out for good measure. "So. Do you have a DVD collection? I hope you pick something good," Phil teased. "Did you want to sleep naked tonight?"

He could feel his face heating up some. While he hadn’t thought about falling asleep naked with Phil, he hadn’t thought about putting clothes on either. Last time he’d fallen asleep before he could even think about putting thing on. Now it was a choice though. He wanted to ask Phil what he wanted, but he knew he’d get the same talk from before. More than anything, Dan wanted Phil to know that he was listening, that he’d do what was asked of him, even if Phil was asking for him to make the decisions. “I would like that,” he said quietly, hoping that it would be what Phil wanted as well. However, he doubted that if it wasn’t Phil was going to voice that now. He briefly wondered for a moment if it would be better just to pick something and stream it, at least then he wouldn’t have to get out of bed. There was no reason to be shy now though, Phil had seen pretty much all there was to see. He forced himself to sit up further before climbing out of bed. “I hope I pick something good as well,” he laughed before quickly hurrying off to find something.

Phil smirked. Dan was definitely finding it difficult to adjust to being allowed to have whatever he wanted, but Phil definitely didn't mind sleeping naked again. There was something he loved about having another person pressed to him, just skin to skin. As Dan got up, though, it became extremely obvious that Dan was feeling quite nervous about moving around completely naked. Though Phil had seen everything already, he couldn't help but stare after Dan as he scrambled away and out of the room to find a movie, eyes locked on Dan's ass. Dan was beautiful. Sexy. Amazing. Phil just wanted to eat him up over, and over, and over again. He kept that to himself as Dan finally returned, blushing, with a movie in hand. The title looked like it might be Kill Bill, and Phil had to suppress an excited grin. Okay, so he and Dan had a lot in common. Fuck him. Dan was blushing, though, and Phil realized he was standing strangely, like he didn't want Phil to look down and see the rest of Dan that was exposed. Phil actually smiled this time, and stood up to go to Dan, cupping his cheeks to pull him into a kiss. There was no reason to. Phil just liked to kiss.

Dan glanced at the DVD’s he had, most of them being from a couple years ago. If Dan was honest, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually bought a new movie. He continued to look, struggling to find something that Phil might like. He didn’t know enough about Phil to pick his genre or anything like that. Dan ended up settling on Kill Bill. It was something he liked at least. He wandered back into the room still hyper aware of his nakedness. It didn’t matter right, not after Phil had seen everything? Still, Dan felt himself getting shyer by the second. Suddenly though, Phil was standing up with him and pulling him into a kiss. He sighed softly, some of his embarrassment melting away. Dan returned the kiss, his hands finding their place at Phil’s sides. After a bit though, he pulled away and smiled again. “I’ll put this in for us,” he said before moving towards the television.

Dan's hands were big and warm on Phil's sides, and Phil would never get over the feeling of having someone bigger than him hold him. He loved that sensation, and kind of didn't want Dan to pull away. He was getting excited again, though he knew he shouldn't when Dan very obviously couldn't take a second round. Maybe they could work on Dan's stamina. As Dan moved to the TV to put the movie on, Phil moved up behind up, pressing his quickly hardening cock up against Dan's ass. He heard Dan squeak, and smirked. "Some day, you should let me edge you. Work on your stamina," he murmured, before pulling away and climbing back into bed.

Dan wasn’t sure what to think of edging. Phil usually had him so worked up he was dying to finish. He tried to imagine doing that for hours at time. “Someday,” he agreed with a slight smile as Phil nestled down beside him. He couldn’t deny the fact that he’d do anything with Phil. He pulled the blankets up around them before grabbing the remote and pressing the play button. “Do you like Kill Bill?” Dan asked as he situated his pillows.

Phil smirked as Dan agreed, excited at the prospect, though he probably wasn't meant to be making the demands in this situation. He /was/ Dan's call boy, but at the same time, it had only been a suggestion, and Dan never had to actually take it. Shortly after, Dan was sliding into bed next to him, and Phil waited for Dan to cuddle him, though he wanted the cuddles just as much as Dan. He smiled at Dan's question. "You've got great taste in movies," he agreed, unwilling to answer the exact question as that was treading dangerous waters. He blinked at Dan as Dan waited for the right answer, and nodded his head mutely in reply. But that's all he was going to give to Dan.

It wasn’t much. Phil never outright said he liked the movie. Still, he’d complimented Dan on his taste and nodded in agreement. He knew it had to be a yes. While Dan had been hoping for a little more, he would take Phil’s response happily. It was better than nothing and it was something Dan could work with. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around the other and sighed happily. This was comfort like he hadn’t known before. It felt right. This was how things were meant to be. Dan didn’t want to think about how Phil would have to leave. It was almost enough to make him want to stay up.

Dan finally drew him in, cuddling up to him and keeping him tucked in against his chest. In reaction, Phil closed his eyes, hoping his hard on wouldn't distract Dan too much. It was annoying enough to him, and he didn't want to make Dan uncomfortable despite wishing he could make it go away. He focused his attention on Kill Bill and pressed a kiss to Dan's chest. "Go to sleep. Unless you want to do something else later?" Phil mumbled. "You seem tired."

Dan /was/ tired, but from the moment he’d gotten Phil close to him again he’d felt his hard length against him. He couldn’t truly focus on the movie, not when he could feel Phil’s solid cock. “You’re hard,” Dan mumbled in response to Phil. “Is there anything I can do for you? I might be tired but…” Dan trailed off, some of his confidence fading. “I could-If you want me to, I could suck you off,” Dan mumbled quietly. “Or even just a hand job, something,” Dan said quietly.

Phil felt heat flash through him at Dan's sudden offer, and he felt his body stiffen next to Dan, going slack jawed with desire. "No," Phil insisted, trying to get his mind back and away from the desire coursing through him. Rarely did clients give him blowjobs or handjobs unless they had kinks related to getting Phil off. Dan didn't, and Phil knew it. He shook his head again, getting ready to climb out of bed and take care of himself in the bathroom to prevent Dan. "That's not your job. It's fine. Everything turns me on. I told you I like sex. I /meant it/. If you wanted to go another round, I'd use my libido to get /you/ off, but it doesn't work the other way around, Dan," Phil insisted.

Dan could sense Phil’s urgency to move. He was reluctant and Dan knew he was getting awfully close to that line Phil had clearly drawn for them. He needed to think fast. Dan didn’t want Phil to be hesitant with that they were doing. There was a slight fear now that Phil would call it all off. Not only that though, he wanted to make Phil feel good. To watch him moan and wither for a change. Already, Phil had given him so much pleasure. He truly /wanted/ to return the favor. Dan wanted to be the one making Phil feel good for once. “I just, I don’t know how to give head,” Dan frowned, hoping he could play this up some. He chewed his lip some. It wasn’t a lie. Dan had never once given head before. “I guess I don’t want to be sloppy when I do it for someone else. I’m sure somebody will eventually want me to, and I don’t want to be humiliated when I can’t do it right.”

Phil had been just about ready to jump from the bed when Dan ducked his head and started biting at his lip, explaining to Phil that he was using this as an excuse to learn how to give a blow job properly with someone he knew wouldn't judge him. Phil relaxed some, and tilted his head, interested at the idea. Of course he wanted to get off, and he missed the sensation of someone giving him head. It happened so rarely; either when Phil was asked to dominate another person, or when someone had a thing for cock sucking, but he wanted to do it with Dan. He wanted to /teach/ Dan. Make him a master at it. Still. He needed to make sure this is what Dan wanted. "You want me to teach you?" he asked, as Dan hadn't spoken those words outright.

“Could you?” Dan asked. “You would you teach me how to do it?” he asked, sitting up a bit straighter now. It was the truth right? He couldn’t feel bad about asking when it was something he should learn how to do anyway. He got what he wanted, and Phil got to think it was just for ‘teaching’ purposes. “I’m probably not very good at it and I know you’d show me the right way,” Dan said softly. He ran his tongue over his lips. They were starting to feel dry. He didn’t know if it was nerves or want.

Phil shuddered as Dan licked his lips, his voice hopeful as he requested for Phil to do just that. His cock twitched in interest. Yeah, Phil wanted Dan's hot little mouth all over his cock, there was no denying that. And if Dan just wanted Phil to teach him, well...that's what he was here for, right? To pleasure Dan. Do his bidding. Act his call boy. Some deeper part of his mind was telling Phil that he was just making up excuses to use Dan for a change, that some part of him desired Dan on a more intimate level then he should be desiring Dan (and he knew that was true because he never acted the way he had been with Dan with anyone else) but he pushed those thoughts aside. Phil was just extra invested in Dan because Dan was a virgin that Phil could teach everything he knew too. Finally, he reached up and gripped Dan's chin. "Okay. I'll teach you." He readjusted himself, making them both comfortable, and encouraged Dan to climb between his legs after he'd reshuffled to sit on top of the duvet. Dan was staring up at Phil earnestly, and Phil's cock was twitching between his thighs, curving upwards towards his belly. "Are you ready, Dan?" he questioned, anxious to get started and desperate for the feel of Dan's lips on him. "It's always good to start with your hand. Maybe play with the foreskin a little, maybe like you would yourself," he encouraged, licking his lips as Dan nodded at him. "Use the other hand to play with their balls," he added, gulping.

He was more than just relieved when Phil agreed to it. Dan was excited about the prospect of getting to do this for the other. After he’d settled between Phil’s legs, he listened intently for directions. He couldn’t help feeling that much more eager. He carefully placed his hand near the tip of Phil’s cock so that he could thumb at the area right under the head. He used his other hand to hold Phil’s balls. He swallowed thickly as he started to fondle them in his hand while he let himself play with Phil’s cock. “Like this?” he asked, his throat now feeling dry as well. He moved his hand in a quick short stroke. He tried to move his hand like he knew he liked. He swiped his thumb over the tip of Phil’s cock before waiting for further instructions.

Phil bit his lip as Dan reached out to touch him, but didn't hold back his soft sigh of pleasure as Dan's fingers nudged just under the head of his cock. Dan was staring at Phil in fascination, reminding Phil of the fact that Dan had never done anything like this before. He felt Dan's tentative fingers move to fondle his balls, and gasped again, surprised by how gentle the feeling was, but also turned on by it. "Yeah, just like that," he agreed through a dry throat, swallowing roughly as Dan began to slowly stroke him, swiping his thumb over the tip of Phil's cock in a way that was more than just tempting. Phil rocked his hips up into the motion, and nodded again. "Just like that," he agreed, and moaned softly as Dan slid his thumb through the slit again. "Now start stroking for real. Maybe - maybe lick at the parts your hand isn't touching. Teasing, you know? It's good to tease. Makes it better," Phil murmured, eyes dark as he stared down at Dan who only had eyes for Phil's cock. The tip was flushed a deep red already, and he could feel it twitching every few moments just from Dan's touch.

Dan liked the feeling of Phil's cock in his hand. He knew he'd enjoy how it tasted as well. He wondered briefly why he'd wasted so much time with girls when he could of had this instead. He moved his hand up and down Phil's length, his hands still working his balls gently. After a couple of solid strokes, he moved to lick at the head experimentally. He was still nervous that he'd get it wrong, but he figured if he followed directions it couldn't go wrong. He wanted this to be good for Phil, and he wanted him to actually truly want it like Dan wanted every touch he got from Phil. With a bit more boldness, he lapped again at the tup, this time swirling his tongue around to cover more surface area. "Is it good?" Dan mumbled as he quickly glanced up at Phil. Both his hands were moving and before he knew it, he was taking just the head of Phil's cock into his mouth. Only for a few short seconds, but long enough to get a feel for it.

It didn't take long for Dan to experiment, stroking his hand properly now that Phil had suggested he do so, and Phil shuddered above him. Dan's hands were so /big/. He honestly couldn't get over that concept. Phil was by no means small, and though some of the men he had for clients were big, strong, and buff, their hands tended to be slight like Phil's. Dan's, on the other hand, were gorgeous, and as much as Phil wanted Dan's mouth on him, he wanted Dan's hands just as much. He was enjoying the heat of them and the way they felt around him. Then, Dan was leaning over him to lick experimentally at the head of Phil's cock. The first lick was teasing, tentative, small. Immediately, Phil wanted more, and he didn't have to say anything before Dan was licking at the head again - this time swirling his tongue around the tip completely before pulling away to glance up at Phil. Phil's hands were clenched around the sheets underneath him, and he nodded at Dan as he asked if he was doing okay. Too quickly, Dan was moving both hands against him faster, and his mouth was moving to completely engulf the head of Phil's cock. It was only for a few short seconds, but it made Phil gasp and pump his hips up accidentally. Dan drew away, casting another unsure glance up at Phil, and Phil gulped. "Just like that, Dan. Very good. Do that some more? Just. Lap at the head, drag your tongue through the slit. Suck at it. Get it moist - tease me," he instructed. "When you're ready, you can take more. Use your tongue - it's the - ah - the be-best tool you have," Phil stuttered out, as Dan had already moved back in to do as Phil had instructed. "You're gonna - gonna wanna suck. When you've taken more, you can just...pucker your lips. Hollow your cheeks. Suck -" Phil cut himself off to moan as Dan enthusiasticly did just that, sucking at the tip of Phil’s cock. "And just - just keep doing that all the w-way down my cock. Remember to - ah - use your tongue. Flatten it against the - the underside. Use your hand to touch what you can- can't reach, and - fuck!" Phil had to stop talking as Dan moved his head further down, taking more of Phil and slurping hungrily at him. He hadn't mentioned how much saliva sucking cock tended to produce, but the sound of Dan trying to suck around him was driving him crazy.

He listened as Phil instructed him on what to do. He was stuttering and gasping as Dan attempted to make it good for him. Judging from the strained sounds, Dan had to assume he was doing well. Admittedly, he’d become unsure when Phil had bucked his hips upwards, but that confidence had quickly been restored. He glanced up at Phil before taking a bit more into his mouth. He flattened his tongue as he pressed it against the side of Phil’s cock, trying to slide down further at the same time. He hadn’t realized it was a bit more difficult to work his tongue while still trying to suck. Saliva was starting to drip down the sides of his mouth, and he had to constantly slurp around Phil to keep from slobbering all over him. He did what Phil said, wrapping his hand around the base as he started to lightly bob his head. His other hand was still working Phil’s balls. Again, he glanced back at the other, wanting to know if it was good or what else he could be doing. The look Phil was giving him though was enough to make Dan moan around Phil.

Dan moaned around him, and Phil had to bite his lip and hold himself back from bucking up. Dan was taking instruction so well, and the way he was slurping was...electrifying. He could still feel Dan's fingers playing with his balls, and gasped at the sensation, realizing as Dan started to bob his head that he was waiting for further instruction. "So good, Dan," he moaned instead, clenching his fingers in the sheets. The heat of Dan's mouth around his cock was more than he'd even imagined, and Dan looked so good with his mouth stretched around Phil. He steeled himself to continue teaching him. "Alternate between using your tongue and sucking. Keep your lips puckered when you suck. That feels best when you - ahh! Bob your head!" he groaned, as Dan sucked particularly hard around him, cheeks hollowed seductively. "Yeah, yeah, suck like that!" he gasped. "If you keep your - your tongue flat against me when you - when you move up and down, it feels...feels good," he added, clenching his eyes shut as Dan's teasing began to become too much. He wanted more so badly already. "Try and - take more in your mouth. Bobbing is good. The faster the better. When you're at the top, you can play with the head, but when you're at your fist, just - just suck."

Dan hadn’t ever realized he could enjoy giving head like this. It was something he’d assumed was for the other person. Now that he had his lips wrapped around Phil though, he was a bit surprised to find that he liked the sensation. He hollowed his cheeks again and kept his lips pursed as he went down. He loved the way Phil was gasping and moaning for him. Those sounds, on the other hand, were just as good as Dan had imagined them to be. He was slow at first, moving his tongue down like Phil had instructed, before he finally decided that it was time to go faster. He reached his fist before slurping and moving back off before repeating the action. He kept up the movement, not wanting to slow down at all. Again, he moaned around Phil’s hard cock. A thought crossed his mind and Dan decided that if he was going to experiment, now would be the time to do it. He moved his fist away and tried to relax his throat. He wanted to take as much of Phil as he could. He started to work further down, his lips finally starting to reach down to the base.

Dan was slurping at him still, beginning to move his mouth faster as he worked out a rhythm. Phil wanted to reach down and tangle his fingers in Dan's hair, but he thought that might be a bit much for his first blow job and held himself back. This wasn't about him. This was about Dan, and he wanted to make this a good experience for Dan so that he'd be confident in himself in the future - who was Phil kidding, this was at least half about him. Listening to Dan moan around him, however, was probably the biggest turn on for Phil, and he felt himself starting to leak already. "Just like that, Dan, just like that," he encouraged, holding himself back from pumping his hips up. He was just about to inform Dan of a little thing called deep throating, when Dan did just that. His hand disappeared from the part of Phil's length that his mouth couldn't reach, and then his mouth was sliding lower, lips still pursed. As he was about to reach Phil's base, Phil heard Dan start to cough and gag, and he tried to wade through the mind-numbing pleasure that had caused his words to catch in his throat, and his mouth to drop open. "D-Dan-" he stuttered out, reaching down to grip Dan's hair, and pull him up some. "Press - press your thumb in your fist, " he gasped, accidentally pumping his hips up, and feeling Dan gag around him again. "It'll - it'll help!" he tried to tell him.

Even though he’d been gagging only seconds ago, the feeling of Phil’s hand in his hair was amazing. He complied with Phil and pulled off some. He didn’t know how doing that was going to help his gag reflex, but Phil had insisted that it would help. Dan wanted to feel Phil pumping into his mouth again, he didn’t want have to worry about gagging and tearing up. He made a fist, making sure to close down around his thumb as he moved to take Phil again. It was a bit easier this time. He didn’t know why or how, but he wasn’t coughing and choking. He closed his eyes as he forced himself down further. Dan quickly decided that he wanted this more than anything. He could taste the precome from Phil’s cock and he wanted to know what a mouthful would be like. One hand was still squeezed in a fist while the other was tenderly playing with Phil’s balls still. Eventually though, he managed to take Phil that last little bit more. It amazed even himself as he felt his nose pressing into dark curls and the head of Phil’s cock slipping further back into his throat.

Dan was so good for him. He was listening to Phil so well, and Phil just wanted to praise him, but he couldn't when Dan had his mouth almost fully over Phil's cock, nearly taking him all. It had been hard enough for Phil to choke out instructions to help Dan stop gagging. "You don't have to - don't have to take it so far down," he managed as Dan closed his eyes, fisting his hand the way Phil had told him too. He still had his fingers down low, playing with Phil's balls, but that was just something extra that Phil could hardly focus on as Dan ignored him. His fingers were still threaded through Dan's hair - he couldn't bring himself to draw away - but he wasn't doing anything with that knowledge, just holding Dan as Dan began to do what /he/ wanted, rather than taking direction. Phil didn't care. How could Phil care when Dan's idea meant deepthroating Phil? As Dan took more and more of Phil, Phil was forced to grit his teeth, holding back with every ounce of strength he had /not/ to thrust into Dan's mouth. "Fuck, Dan!" he shouted as Dan finally took him all, his nose pressed to Phil's pubic bone as his throat fluttered around the head of Phil's cock. "Oh, God, Dan!" he cried out, and pumped his hips because he couldn't hold back anymore. He was moaning unrestrained as Dan sucked at him, bobbing his head, and taking Phil all the way each time. Phil's fingers tightened in Dan's hair, and he felt his thighs tense. "Just like - just like that, Dan, please, oh God, please don't stop," Phil begged, becoming incoherent as his orgasm fast approached. Dan's mouth was /heaven/, and his throat hot and wet, and "Fuck, fuck, fuck, Dan!" Phil shouted, and then he was coming, straight down Dan's throat as he forced Dan's head to stay down and take him all. He hadn't meant to. He had fully intended to let Dan pull away if he didn't want to swallow, but Phil hadn't been able to help it. Dan was so /good/ to him, and he was panting even as he rolled his hips, muttering soft "sorry, sorry, sorry"'s even as he lost control of himself. He could hear Dan gasping around him, and finally let go of his head, collapsing back against the bed.

The sounds Phil was making were the best Dan had ever heard. They sent shivers down his spine as he tried to focus on taking Phil as deep as he could. He was taking Phil to the hilt every time and then Phil was pumping up into his mouth. His eyes were open now, and he was watching Phil come undone. He knew the feeling inside of him was more than just lust. He didn’t ever want to take his eyes off him again. His heart clenched some and he quickly had to shove the feeling away. Now wasn’t the time, not when Phil was swearing and begging him to keep going. Phil’s hand was keeping in him in place so that he was forced to take all of Phil at once. Seconds later, he felt the hot liquid splashing into his mouth and hitting the back of his throat. It was too hard to swallow around /all/ of Phil, but he was doing what he could. Phil’s taste was amazing. It was one thing he’d never thought he’d be able to say. He liked the taste of Phil’s cum. Everything was down his throat in seconds though. Then Phil was mumbling softly sorry, and Dan knew that Phil was just perfect all together. As the other finally moved his hand, Dan didn’t pull right away. Instead he slowly pulled off, his tongue rolling over his softening cock. He pulled off with a soft pop. Dan gave a final lick to the tip of Phil’s cock one last time. He wanted to make sure that he’d gotten everything. He smiled gently at Phil before moving to lay beside him again.

Phil's mind was incredibly hazy as he watched Dan slowly, slowly come up of him, still sucking lightly as his mouth made a small popping sound before he came away. He didn't stop there, however, despite the fact that Phil was already beginning to go soft after an orgasm like that. He leaned in one last time and licked at Phil's tip, gathering up the last of Phil's cum and swallowing it down. Phil moaned, covering his eyes with the palms of his hand, even as he saw Dan smiling gently up at him, obviously proud of himself. "Holy fuck, Dan," he groaned. "You didn't - you didn't have to go all the way. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to - I didn't meant to fuck your mouth, or force you to - to swallow, and I -" Phil's voice was cut off as Dan leaned in to kiss him. Ever turned on by Dan when he was confident, Phil immediately opened his mouth and removed his hands from his eyes. He kissed Dan back hotly, licking into him and finding his own taste on Dan's tongue. He never wanted to pull away from the kiss, and if he was honest, he didn't really want to have to leave Dan at all, only to go back to his other clients ever again. Dan hadn't /needed/ to pleasure Phil, and Phil didn't care if Dan had asked to do so because he wanted to learn for his future partner. Dan was /incredible./ "Shit," he muttered again as Dan pulled away, eyes opening slowly.

It wasn’t that Dan felt like needed to go all the way down or have Phil fuck his mouth. Those were all the things he’d wanted to happen. He couldn’t explain what it was like to have Phil use his mouth for his own pleasure. It made Dan feel like this important being, a high that he didn’t want to come down from. He sighed into the kiss, opening his mouth a little further so Phil could lap at the inside of his mouth. It no doubt tasted like him. Finally, after a long few moments, Dan pulled away. “I guess that means I wasn’t horrible?” Dan joked as he made himself comfortable again. He had a feeling he wasn’t, but he wanted to hear Phil say it. To know that Phil approved of what he’d done. “Anything I should work on?” he wondered he reached for the blankets again. If he wasn’t tired before, he was now.

Dan wasn't even addressing the concerns that Phil had brought up. He was more concerned with whether or not he'd done a good job, and all Phil could think was 'yes, hell yes, you did so good.' Instead, he shook his head. "No, you definitely weren't horrible. It was...great. Seriously. I didn't even - you didn't even wait for me to teach you how to deepthroat. But it was perfect. The way you sound when you suck -" Phil had to cut himself off as he remembered the sound, the sensation, and had to take a second to catch his breath. "It's - you're sexy, Dan. Did you - I've found that people always like it better when you swallow. But you don't have to. I'm sorry I made you. I couldn't help myself," Phil admitted. "Just. Just refine the technique, and you'll drive any partner wild," he admitted, huffing out a laugh as Dan settled down next to him again.

He couldn’t help but feel pleased as Phil told him how he’d done. He was even mentioning that he was sexy and that he’d like the sound of him sucking. “You don’t have to apologize,” Dan said before shaking his head some. “If I really hadn’t wanted to swallow I think I would have found a way to pull off,” he said as he stretched out on the bed. “I wanted to and…thank you for showing me how,” Dan whispered before wrapping an arm around the other. “I uh, I’m glad I’ll be able to do it right now,” he added. Even so, Dan didn’t really see himself using it on anyone else. He knew he should, he should be glad that he could make anyone he choose to be with happy. His brain just wasn’t ready to wrap around that fact yet.

Phil didn't agree with Dan. The way Phil had held his head down, he didn't know if Dan would have been able to move off. Phil had been too lost to the sensation to be aware of anything else that mattered, and he promised himself to be careful in the future - if it ever happened again in the future. "You're welcome," he eventually mumbled to Dan, feeling sated and warm as Dan pulled him in. "Maybe we should pay attention to that really good movie you picked out now," Phil finally said as he realized they'd missed a good portion of Kill Bill, uncaring as he gave away just how much he enjoyed said movie. If Dan wasn't his client, and if Dan wasn't someone dangerous that could fall in love with Phil, Phil thought maybe they could be good friends. As it was, he knew he was better off just coming around when Dan called and fucking around with him. He could secretly revel in all the other little bonuses when Dan accidentally gave them to him. Phi wasn't tired, but he could tell Dan was, and it was clearing one am at this point, so Phil curled up against Dan, allowing the other man to hold him, and tried to watch the movie that was currently playing. He didn't want to leave in the morning, and wasn't that a first?

Dan knew he was smiling when Phil pointed out that Kill Bill was a good movie. It only made him that bit happier to know that Phil really did like it. “Probabl. We can still catch the last bits of it,” he nodded in agreement. Already though, he could feel his eyes getting heavy, and he doubted he’d be up for much longer, not when Phil was so warm and solid against him. It was comforting in ways it shouldn’t be, and Dan had to fight away thoughts of the morning. He didn’t want Phil to leave. He yawned some as he pulled Phil that little bit closer. It must have been seconds later that he felt himself falling asleep to the sound of the movie and the feeling of Phil next to him.

Phil didn't stay up much longer than Dan. He felt the man fall asleep beside him, and hummed quietly to himself as the movie finished up. He did enjoy watching it, though, and it was a nice change of pace from what Phil sometimes got with other clients. It wasn't /that/ rare that he was bought out for a whole night, but he and his client usually ended up having sex for nearly the full eight to ten hours that he was bought for, and Phil usually went home exhausted. With Dan, it almost felt like a comfortable date, but he refused to think of it that way. Dan was a young virgin who ran a fucking law company and who was still discovering his sexuality. Of course he wouldn't want to stay up all night fucking. Things would be fine. When Phil woke up the next morning, Dan was still asleep, and he didn't want to sneak out, so he kissed Dan awake, laughing at the low moan and sigh of pleasure that came from Dan in response. Marty had just called, informing Phil that he was already downstairs, and if Phil could, he would stay, but he couldn't, so he bid Dan a quicker goodbye than last week, got dressed, and hurried out before he changed his mind. He hoped that Dan would call him again, but part of him also hoped that he wouldn't. He desperately wanted Dan as a regular, but his own desires were beginning to scare him away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 17,037 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : Non-consensual punishment (spanking), degrading language, discussion of eating disorders, discussions of rape, discussions of lawyers sometimes having to defend guilty clients including rapists and murderers, rimming

 

After Phil left that morning, Dan felt himself feeling oddly alone. He knew he shouldn’t - he’d lived alone for the last couple of years and it had never bothered him before. Now everything seemed too empty, especially his bed. Without Phil there, Dan didn’t see much point in staying in it. He sighed before making his way to the shower. He might as well make the most of the rest of the day. There was plenty of things he could be getting done, he just hoped he could find the motivation to do at least one of those things. The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Dan managed to finish some briefs he’d been working on run a couple errands. If he was honest, it was just like last time after Phil had left. He finished the day on a more sober note. He found that he didn’t like the feeling he got just after Phil left. It sort of ruined the rest of the day for him.

The next day wasn’t that much better. The better part of his day was spent in a meeting. Again, he stayed late trying to forget about Phil. It seemed to be the best option. At first, he’d tried to rationalize with himself, tried to understand his own feelings, and even then he’d tried to convince himself that everything he was feeling wasn’t real. When none of that worked, Dan simply gave up and decided that the best way to go about this was to ignore it. What better way to do that than keeping himself so busy that by the time he did make it home, he was too tired to think straight anyway? He’d stripped the bed and put on new sheets before climbing in. Somehow, he was afraid to be reminded of Phil.

By Wednesday though, he was already thinking about the phone number he’d saved into his phone. He should delete it. Phil had absolutely no interest in him. Not in the way Dan wanted him to. It was just sex. That was it. Phil gave him his time and services in exchange for the money Dan paid him. He was a pretty face and sweet words. He could make Dan swoon and make him wither against a mattress. That was it though. He knew nothing about Phil expect the fact that he liked Kill Bill. Dan frowned as he stared down at his paperwork. Maybe it would be better to just go home and get his thoughts straight. He wasn’t being productive anymore. Yet the prospect of going home alone again wasn’t appealing. He pulled out his phone and frowned before he scrolled through the contact list. He couldn’t bring himself to erase the contact though. Instead, he angrily shoved his phone back in his pocket. What a situation he’d gotten himself into. Dan knew that he didn’t love Phil. He did, however, want to take him out and learn everything about him. He wanted to eat dinner together, see movies, and go on an actual date. He knew he could hold his breath on that one though.

\--

After working for the agency as long as Phil had, he knew when they sent him out after an overnight stay that they were trying to prevent him from getting attached - especially if that overnight was a regular. As much as Marty and Phil got along, he knew beyond a doubt that Marty kept tabs on everything that had to do with Phil. Between having to listen to Phil make calls to him, sometimes while in the middle of the throes of passion, and taking Phil to every client's home, Marty always seemed to have some kind of sense of what Phil was feeling, and he knew before Phil knew that someone was going to become a regular. That's why it came as no surprise to Phil when he was once again informed that he had another client scheduled already upon jumping into Marty's car, but this time, the new client wanted Phil used. He wasn't allowed to go home and shower let alone dress before he found himself at his next client's mansion. He smelled like sex, that much was obvious, and though he hadn't been fucked, he still had the scent of Dan's spunk on him from fingering him to orgasm last night. It would have to be enough for the new client.

In a way, the back to back clients were a relief to Phil. He'd woken up nervous and wanting to stay in Dan's bed, which wasn't something that happened often. He knew it was easy to get attached to the men who made him feel particularly good, and that was why it was so important for him to have a driver who understood how to tell when Phil was potentially getting attached. Unfortunately for Phil, that also usually meant being bought out by someone who was quite literally meant to re-teach him what he was. It wasn't abusive or painful in any way, but the man always reminded Phil that all he wanted was sex by giving him a hell of a good time.

Currently, that man was sitting between Phil's legs with his mouth all over his stomach, licking him to within an inch of his life. Phil’s arms were tied back to the head posts, and he couldn't move, but it was half Phil's job to give this man pleasure, and half this man's job to give Phil pleasure - an attempt to wipe away any thoughts Phil might have of his previous client. Phil usually loved days like these. The men were almost as good at sex as Phil was, but even as he tossed his head on the pillow beneath him, Phil couldn't stop thinking of Dan.

He came with Dan's name on his tongue, biting down on the sound so he wouldn't shout it out, and then he let the man ride him until he was coming again.

He went home exhausted, disoriented, and confused.

It took him three days to shake Dan from his mind enough that he could focus on what his other client's were giving him /without/ comparing them to Dan, and two more for Phil to stop imagining it was Dan he was fucking, rather than his clients, but there was still something lingering there. Something of Dan just wouldn’t leave Phil alone.

\--

Dan knew he should have shaken the thought of Phil by now. He hadn’t though, and people were starting to wonder about him. A few people had mentioned how quiet he’d been, how he’d seemed tired. He’d shrugged them off and smiled reassuringly. The last thing he needed was for someone to accuse him of having a ‘disturbance’ in his personal life. As far as most were concerned, lawyers didn’t have much of a personal life. It wasn’t far from the truth. Still, the moment he walked out of the firm or a court room, he wanted everything from that point on to stay far from personal. Maybe he was tired though. He knew he shouldn’t stay so late after work. It was the only place he could seem to keep Phil from his mind though.

Despite Dan’s plans on going home and going straight to bed, it didn’t always happen like that. He wanted to think it was out of boredom and nothing else. Either way, he found himself pulling out his laptop and visiting some sites. It wasn’t the fact that he was watching porn that bothered him. No, porn was fine. It was the thoughts he had while watching it.

One particular video had him finishing faster than he wanted to do. It was a rimming video that he’d pulled up. He’d slipped his hand down into his underwear, palming himself as his eyes fixated on the screen. He wanted Phil to do that to him. He’d even settling for doing it to Phil. He doubted he’d get that far though. He could only imagine what it would be like to have Phil’s tongue there. He moaned as he continued to watch. The man in the video who was receiving it looked like he was in pure bliss.

After it was over, Dan knew he’d probably be pulling up the same sites and searching for videos of the same nature tomorrow night.

He went to bed that night with thoughts of Phil on his mind, and they haunted him all throughout work the next day until he was playing with his phone during his lunch break.

As much as he tried to convince himself that he shouldn’t call back, that things needed to stop, he couldn’t. He promised himself that it would be alright as long as he kept himself from actually wanting more - as long as Dan lied to himself, everything would be okay. He didn’t know if the emotion he was feeling was shame or sadness. Either way, his stomach was tight with it as he scrolled through his phone. This was what it took to be with Phil, even if it was just for the night. He chewed his lip as he listened to the phone ring. Again, his office door was closed and locked. He was too nervous that someone would actually come in.

“Hello, how can I help you today?” A woman on the other line asked, and Dan felt himself sigh inwardly. He here he was again. How could he pity himself when he was the one who kept calling back?

“Uh, Yes. Hello, I’m actually hoping to have someone come over for the night.” He frowned despite how his heart speed up. He got that fluttering in his stomach, and he couldn’t deny there was a sense of excitement.

“Name please?” The woman asked, and Dan could once again hear her typing out information. Dan cleared his throat and lowered his voice some before giving her his name.

“Yes, Mr. Howell, we actually have your information from the last time you used our services. Would you like us to process the same information, or would you like to change your transaction for the evening?” she asked, and Dan couldn’t stop his frown from deepening. He wished they wouldn’t keep his information, but at the same time, he didn’t want to have to repeat everything again. It didn’t change his excitement any. He already had an idea of what he wanted to try with Phil.

\--

By the time another week had passed between Phil seeing Dan, Phil was starting to feel like maybe Dan wasn't going to call again. There was a sense of disappointment and relief that ran through Phil at the same time in reaction to the realization. They'd been treading dangerous waters. Phil had known that. Phil had warned Dan, and he'd warned himself, but it was difficult when Dan was everything Phil had never been exposed to before. A million times more romantic, more sweet, and more kind than anyone else Phil had /ever/ met. It was difficult for Phil to /not/ keep wanting to see Dan. They'd spent so little time together, but within that time, Phil had found that whoever ended up with Dan would be a very, very lucky man.

Still, it hurt. It hurt when another day passed and Phil still hadn't been told he had an appointment with Dan. Instead, he was back with Markus, the guy who at the very least had a thing for making Phil come. It worried him, however, when his feelings for Dan got in the way of his ability to perform in the sack. Markus was just as enthusiastic as he always was, pumping his cock into Phil's ass like there was no tomorrow, and sucking at his neck. Phil had to bat him away to prevent him from leaving a mark, and it was getting to the point where Phil was going to have cut off Markus’ ability to use their agency at all if he didn't stop pushing the rules, but at the same time, he was terrified Markus was going to rat him out to the agency.

Because Phil had a made a mistake. A huge one.

As Markus smashed his hips into Phil's prostate, taking him from the front this time, his dark green eyes boring into Phil's, Phil screamed out Dan's name.

Markus’ movements stopped.

"You little whore," he growled, a grin spreading deep across his cheeks. "Screaming out another man's name while I fuck you." The movements picked up speed, and it seemed the mistake had been a turn on for Markus, but still. Still, there was a glint in Markus’ eyes that terrified Phil, and he bucked his hips, trying to give Markus everything he could to distract him.

"Punish me, master," he moaned, tossing his head and smirking at Markus like he'd called out Dan's name on purpose. It was damage control time, and no matter what happened, if Markus took one wrong step, Phil would call Marty. Still, he didn't want Markus telling /anyone/ that he'd called out Dan's name, because if that were revealed, Phil might lose his job. Or worse. If Dan did call back for him, he wouldn't be allowed to see him.

Markus did punish Phil. He smacked Phil's ass, and it was hard enough to hurt, but he was careful where he dropped his palm. Though Phil's pale skin turned red and he was forced to endure the pain, he knew he wouldn't bruise. Markus was too smart for that. He was dropping his hand down in a different place each time, kneading at the skin he did hit to soothe the rushing blood, and then hitting Phil again somewhere else. Usually, spanking didn't bother Phil, but today, he was on edge. There was very little pleasure spiking through him, and when he eventually orgasmed, it was more painful than good. Markus came inside him, filling up the condom, and collapsed on top of Phil.

When Phil finally climbed into the car with Marty, he was grimacing as he sat down.

"Everything alright, Phil?"

"No. I think - I can't see Markus anymore. He hurt me. Not a lot, not enough to call you, but. Enough that I don't feel safe anymore. He's been trying to give me hickeys for weeks now, and -"

"It's fine, Phil. I'll let the agency know."

Phil sagged against the car seat in relief, and closed his eyes. He couldn't believe he'd fucked up so much that he'd called out Dan's name in the middle of sex. More than that, he was angry he hadn't just hit the panic button on his phone when he'd had the chance rather than enduring Markus’ brutal spanking, especially when Phil realized he hadn't been enjoying it. He'd just been so afraid that if Marty had come upstairs, Markus would have told Marty the name Phil had screamed out and everything would be over. He was still holding out hope Dan would call.

"Do you need the rest of the day off? You've got an appointment, but we can cancel it."

Phil's heart filled with hope, and he shook his head.

"I'll be alright. Just need to see Maria." Maria was the massage therapist their agency employed for when clients were too rough during bondage or s/m scenes. "When's the appointment?"

"It's with your favorite, Dan. Ten to eight, the usual." Marty cast Phil a glance, and Phil kept his face blank to prevent Marty from seeing right through him. "Great."

\--

Dan picked up his office phone and hit the Receptionist button. He was already gathering his things when someone picked up.

“Yes, Mr. Howell?” Julie answered after a moment.

“Julie, I’m going home for the rest of the day. I probably won’t be in tomorrow. Will you be sure to have my messages ready for when I’m back?” he asked before attempting to slide his coat on. His nerves were buzzing and he couldn’t wait to leave. He still had quite a few hours to go before Phil showed up, but it didn’t seem to matter to him.

“Yes, Mr. Howell. I’ll make sure to do that, have a good afternoon.” Julie said in her overly pleasant voice before hanging back up. Dan briefly wondered if she even enjoyed her job. He didn’t know what he’d do if he needed to sound that pleasant and happy every time he had to speak with someone. Regardless, he knew he would be having a nice afternoon and an even better night.

When he got home, he went through the same process as last time. He cleaned up, took a shower, and made sure to have something out for drinks. Dan also considered having something ordered for dinner, but he was too worried about pushing the rules, so he didn’t. While he might have seen it one way, Phil might take it as something too personal. Admittedly, dinner was very date like, and he was trying not to give off that impression. No matter how much he wanted to.

Afterwards, he checked his phone, mainly for the time, but he noticed a few messages. One was from Chris and two were from his father. They were going to have to wait. Dan had been tense and unhappy since Phil had left that morning over a week ago. These nights seemed to be the only thing that really made him happy anymore. It hadn’t been this way before, but after getting a taste of what Phil could give him, he couldn’t seem to stop. Phil made him feel alive in ways he hadn’t ever been.

\--

Phil's appointment with Maria was...less than delightful. He rarely had to go to her for anything, and when he did, he always /expected/ it to be a bad time. Today was no different. She was always as careful as she could be, but there was only so many times she could keep from pressing on your wounds before she was forced to to make them better. Needless to say, Phil had to be grateful Dan was not at the stage yet where he'd want to fuck Phil, or else he'd be screwed, and he really, /really/ did not want to cancel tonight when he'd been waiting for more than a week already.

After rubbing some oils into Phil's ass and then forcing him to take a hot bath that she prepared for him in a bath made specifically for Phil to lay belly up with his ass forced under the water, he was released with specific instructions not to sit down for the rest of the day. She seemed disapproving to learn that Phil was going to his last appointment, but she also /knew/ Phil, and Phil was renowned around here for loving sex more than anyone else in the agency. She let him go with a stern warning, and Phil went upstairs to the flats in the agency to lay on his stomach. While he was there, he was sent an email form to fill out explaining what had occurred with Markus, and after carefully leaving out the part where Phil had provoked him and fucked up /massively/, he sent it on it's way. He took a short nap, and then his alarm was going off to inform him it was time to get ready for his appointment.

He couldn't help the easy smile that formed on his face as he got ready, this time wearing a nice collared shirt with three buttons at the top, and loose fitting black jeans. It was a little more his style, but still appropriate enough that no one would question why he was wearing it. Besides, he could only dress up for Dan so many times before it got old and turned Dan on less than it currently did.

Marty dropped him off as always with strict instructions to inform Mary immediately this time if anything went wrong, and Phil nodded, climbing out of the car. Sitting had made him sore again, so he promised himself to be careful when with Dan tonight. He didn't want the man to know what had happened. He was in the lift to Dan's apartment before he knew it, and then he was knocking at the door with his usual cocky smirk. He'd promised himself this time to keep things strictly professional. He couldn't afford to fuck up anymore.

When Dan heard the knock at the door, he jumped up from his seat. He took a deep breath and forced himself to /walk/ to the front door. It was hard to keep his composure though when he was so excited to see Phil again. To just be in his company was thrilling for Dan. He knew he needed to stay composed though. Again, this wasn’t meant to be anything but sex. He swallowed thickly before opening the door. “Hey,” he smiled as he stepped aside to let Phil in.

Dan was quick to move out of Phil's way, allowing him to walk into his flat without hesitation. "Hey yourself, sexy," Phil replied to his casual greeting, and sauntered in, letting his hips sway sexily. He immediately spotted a closed bottle of wine, just like last time, and grinned as he made his way towards it. "I was starting to think you weren't going to call," he casually informed Dan, grabbing the wine bottle from the coffee table in front of the sofa and carrying it to Dan's kitchen counter. He couldn't afford to sit down, so he'd play like he wanted to be the sexy bartender as he glanced over his shoulder at Dan. "So what are you here for, baby? A casual night out, a quick hook up, or some cheap beer?" he asked the moment he was behind the bar, grabbing one of Dan's towels and wiping at the counter like a bartender might. He glanced up at Dan and winked, letting him know that Phil was playing and hoping he'd catch on quickly enough.

It didn’t take long for him to catch onto the game. He couldn’t help but grin as he watched Phil wiping down his counter. Dan had missed Phil more than he’d realized. He headed into the kitchen and pulled a seat up to the counter as his grin turned a smirk. “Well, since I don’t think you have any cheap beer, I’m going to have settle for one of the other.” Dan said as he pushed one of the glasses closer to Phil. Like always, he’d left it unopened for him. “Wasn’t exactly expecting to have such a good looking bartender though,” he hummed, not being able to take his eyes off of Phil. He always looked good, stunning even. This look suited Phil though. He looked good, but it was somehow more him.

Phil smirked as Dan took a seat, immediately playing along with Phil's teasing. "I guess you’ll have to settle for something else then. And wine. But how can you go wrong with wine?" Phil teased, raising an eyebrow as he located two wine glasses and returned to the counter. "So which is it gonna be, big boy? The casual evening, or the hook up?" He liked the way Dan was looking at him, but especially the way he played with Phil, calling him a sexy bartender and smirking at Phil as he looked him up and down. Phil quickly poured them both a cup of wine, and handed one to Dan. "I shouldn't be drinking on the job, but I know you won't take advantage of me," he added with a wink.

"I guess I could have a casual evening with something a little more at the end?" Dan asked, a playful tone in voice. "Not at all," Dan shook his head as he brought his glass to his lips for a sip. "Hopefully you wouldn't mind me taking you home though?" He laughed lightly before setting his glass down. Already, he wanted to reach out and touch Phil. He wanted to remind himself of how good Phil felt against him. It had only been a week, but for some reasonl it felt like ages. "You'll go home with me won't' you?" He added, the smirk falling back onto his face.

Phil put in a giggle as he sipped at his wine, leaning on the counter on his elbows as Dan flirted with him. "I'm sure you could get something a little more at the end of the night," he agreed, acting coy as he glanced up at Dan from under his lashes. He made himself blush as Dan asked to take him home, though, and smiled sweetly at Dan, acting shy as he shook his head. "I'm sure there are other patrons you might like better?" he teased, and then giggled again as Dan smirked at him. "I don't know. I don't even know your name. Should I go home with a stranger?"

“There isn’t anyone else I’d want to leave with. Just you,” Dan smiled. The statement was true, for the sake of their game though he doubted Phil would think much of it. “I don’t think you’d have any problem getting to know me though, if you’d prefer, and then I wouldn’t be a stranger anymore,” he pointed out. Finally, he worked up the nerve to reach out and place a hand on Phil’s arm. “I think we could have fun,” he said before moving to take another sip.

Phil giggled again. Dan was a cute, sincere flirt, and it didn't take long for Phil to want to give in. He wondered if Dan was always like this when he wanted someone. "Well, that's true, isn't it?" he agreed amicably, sipping at more of his wine. "I can't help wondering if you charm everyone this way, though. What's your name, beautiful?" Phil asked, quirking a smile at Dan and fluttering his eyelashes. "We could definitely have fun together, though."

Dan grinned again as Phil batted his lashes at him. Again, Dan was thinking about how perfect Phil was. “My name?” Dan asked, the smile spreading across his face. “It’s Dan,” he hummed as he leaned in closer. “I don’t live too far from here,” Dan said, fighting off a snort of laughter. “We could go home, maybe have another drink?” he couldn’t fight off his laughter now, knowing he was breaking character.

Phil snorted as Dan broke character, unable to help himself as he started laughing along with Dan. "You buffoon. What happened to playing along?" he teased, reaching over and knocking Dan lightly on the head. "I thought we had a good role play going on there," he added, teasing. "Is that how you flirt, Howell?" he asked, more serious then. He really wanted to know how Dan was when he was trying to seduce someone. If Dan was anything like before, he was adorable. Even as the lines had been corny and silly, Phil had still found Dan sweet. There was something...sincere about him that made the lines feel less like lines.

“I don’t really flirt very much,” Dan admitted as his laughter finally died off. “I suppose that when I do, it’s something like that,” he said before moving to take another sip of his drink. “It could be better. I need some work,” he said before smiling again. It was true though. He hadn’t actually flirted with any males before, and when he was flirting with women, it was only halfhearted. Everything he’d told Phil really wasn’t flirting as much as it was telling him what he thought and felt. “I almost thought about getting you dinner, as I didn’t know if you ever got the chance eat before you come over,” Dan mumbled, trying to make it seem like it had only been a short fleeting thought.

Phil smirked. "Nah. I don't think it needs any work. You've got something sweet about you that comes out no matter what you're saying, and I definitely would have fallen for that if you were picking me up in a bar," Phil admitted, getting more comfortable holding himself up on his elbows. His butt was pressed out some, but it was better that than him sitting down. When Dan admitted to having almost bought Phil dinner for their night out, Phil not only blushed, but prickled anxiously. Fuck. What would Phil have done if Dan had bought him dinner? The thought was romantic, sweet, and definitely edged their evening more towards a date than what it actually was. Still. Phil had been beyond anxious to see Dan all week. He doubted he would have left. He might have put his foot down and made certain with Dan he understood their arrangement, but he wouldn’t have left. Dan was dangerous for Phil, and he was running blindly into that danger. "Depends - depends on my work schedule," Phil explained, trying to skirt around mentioning other clients outright. "I didn't really, today, but that's because I ended up napping most of the afternoon. It's fine though. I'm not hungry." More like Phil didn't feel like eating after his last client, and if he was being honest, he didn't eat much in general. He...had to balance his weight when it came to looking good for his clients. He was paid to be attractive, after all. Missing dinner wasn't going to hurt too much. "Sweet of you to think of it, though."

While Dan wondered for a moment why Phil had napped, he quickly decided that it was probably because he was up most of the night. Phil probably did have a busy hectic kind of schedule. It wasn’t really something he wanted to think about, but it was something he should probably take into consideration. Dan hesitated a moment before speaking. “I mean, I think I worry about how I’d feel in a situation. If I did what you did, and I didn’t get the chance to eat, I wouldn’t be very happy,” he said, feeling like he needed to explain a bit. He didn’t want to make Phil uncomfortable and risk losing the chance to see him. At least this way Phil might not be so on edge. “If I’d been hired for the night and skipped dinner, I’d seriously have to order a pizza,” Dan added thoughtfully before finishing off what was left of his drink. He wanted to ask more, but he figured he’d better not. Not right now anyway, maybe later.

Phil shrugged his shoulders. He'd promised Dan he'd be honest with him no matter what, and they were only talking about his job. He could explain himself. "We have a website. Since your friends introduced you to this world and I gave you the phone number and you already knew who you wanted to order, you've never seen it. There are pictures, and information online. Including our weight. Missing a meal here and there isn't really an issue, when it comes right down to it. Men flock to me because I'm tall and slight. Experienced. I have to maintain my appearance." He shrugged again as he downed the rest of his own glass of wine and picked up the bottle. "Did you want more? Or did you have something else in mind?" Phil wanted to change the subject before Dan could be his usual sweet self and express his worry over Phil. It was clear that he was already worried. No one else ever considered the call boy's point of view when they hired one, after all.

He did he want he could to keep his face relatively neutral. He didn’t want Phil to see the horrified expression he wanted to give him. Basically what he was saying was that, ‘it’s alright if I don’t eat because I should stay slim anyway. I have to worry about my weight so guys keep hiring me.’ Phil didn’t outright say that, but that’s what he meant overall. Dan could tell. It made him inwardly hurt for Phil. Was his job worth having to maintain that appearance for? He shouldn’t have to worry about what he looked like or how many calories he ate. “Yeah, I’d end up losing my job over food,” he laughed forcefully. Again he wanted to keep the mood light for Phil. “I’m alright, thanks,” he said glancing towards the bottle. Inside of him though was this pit of worry. “I um, was hoping we could try something tonight, if you wanted to.”

Phil appreciated Dan's attempt to keep things light more than he could say, and he smiled at Dan. "It's easier than it seems, and not everyone worries. It just depends on what you're popular for." Deciding it was about time this conversation topic /ended/, Phil put the lid back on the wine and pushed it aside, intrigued when Dan admitted to having something new he wanted to try. "Oh yeah? I'm always up for /anything/," he purred, figuring now was the time to act his usual seductive self. He walked predatorly around the kitchen counter until he was in Dan's personal space, and leaned in slowly. "What do you want to try?" He kept his voice low, even as he hoped that Dan wouldn't ask if he could fuck Phil tonight. He really didn't think his ass could take it, but at the same time, knew he would give in immediately if asked.

The moment Phil asked about what he wanted to try, Dan felt nervous all over again. Now it seemed better to just let Phil suggest things to do. “I um…” he trailed off as Phil leaned in. He found that now it was much harder to make any kind of eye contact. Instead, he was glancing at everything other than Phil. “It’s uh-” he mumbled as his face heated up. Now that he thought about it, maybe it wasn’t something Phil would be willing to do with him. He didn’t even know if it was something lots of people did or not. He’d just watched a couple of videos and decided that was something he was interested in. It seemed like something he’d like, but it felt like it was just too much to say all of a sudden. “Uh, if you wanted, I thought we could try maybe...rimming,” he said, finally forcing himself to look back at Phil. “I don’t know, I watched a video. It’s probably…we don’t have to.”

Dan was so cute. He couldn't even look at Phil. It made Phil wonder what Dan could be wanting to try that was making him so nervous. Surely if it was something like fucking Phil, Dan wouldn't be so panicked, but he /was./ "It's okay, baby. Spit it out," Phil murmured, leaning in closer to Dan in the hopes he would finally make eye contact with Phil. He did. He looked up, and asked Phil for something much less strange than Phil had been expecting. "That's all?" he murmured, reaching up to slide his fingers through Dan's hair and cup his cheek. "Honey, we can definitely try rimming," Phil said, a lecherous grin forming. He leaned in and kissed Dan to calm his nerves, wanting to climb into Dan's lap but afraid of hurting himself. When he drew back away, he took Dan's bottom lip with him for a moment before letting it pingback. "What kind of videos did you watch?" he ended up asking. "Did you want to be on the receiving end? Because I can /definitely/ do that," Phil insisted, humming as he moved his other hand down to massage at Dan's quickly growing bulge through his jeans.

He was so relieved when Phil told him that it was something they could try. He moaned softly into the kiss. He’d been so worried that Phil wasn’t going to be okay with the idea. However, he didn’t sound unsure or hesitant at all. Finally when the other had pulled away, Dan tried to explain what he’d watched. However, the feeling of Phil’s palm on him made it difficult. “I uh, watched rimming videos,” he mumbled again. “I watched someone getting rimmed. It looked like it felt amazing,” Dan sighed as he ran his tongue over his lips. “You’d be okay with it, doing it to me?”

Phil hummed, still kneading at Dan's crotch as the man tried to explain himself. It turned Phil on that Dan watched porn videos, and he wished that he could watch with him, watch the way Dan touched himself. "I'm definitely okay with that. Wanna eat you out, Dan. Can I finger you at the same time?" he asked, leaning in so his lips were brushing against Dan's ear. "I'll make you feel better than the guy in that video, I promise. It's gonna feel so good, and I'm gonna love it, having my tongue right in your right heat. How do you wanna do it? You wanna be on your hands and knees for me, ass pressed against my face? Or like last time, with your legs over my shoulders?" Phil was careful not to offer to have Dan with his thighs either side of Phil's face, because he feared the pain lying down would cause, even when he loved the idea of Dan sitting on him, but he tried to make the other two options sounds particularly appealing as his hand kept moving against Dan.

“Anything,” Dan moaned as Phil continued to move his hand. Phil never failed to get him hard in a matter of seconds. “Please?” he mumbled as images filled his mind. He’d take it on his back for Phil or he’d gladly get on his knees, as long as it meant he got to have Phil tonguing at his entrance. “I can get on my knees if that’s easier,” he added, not stopping himself from bucking up into Phil’s hand. He was always so eager for him. In his defense, it felt like he’d waited ages to see Phil again even if it had only been a week.

Phil really wanted Dan on his knees for him. He wanted to be able to reach around his body and jerk him as Dan smashed his ass into Phil’s face. The idea was particularly appealing, and Phil moaned just at the thought. "On your knees for me then," he begged, voice breathy. "Bedroom, now," he demanded, and kissed Dan roughly again, pressing his tongue into Dan's mouth as a show of what was to come. "Want to eat you out so bad, Dan," Phil moaned.

The moment Phil told him to get the bedroom Dan was ready. When he found Phil's tongue in his mouth though, Dan was melting all over again. He moaned in response to Phil's words. Already he was buzzing with anticipation. As soon as he was able to, Dan was up and out of his seat. He pulled Phil back to his bedroom before connecting their lips again. This was the third time he'd found himself in this position. Pulling Phil to his bed while he struggled to kiss him at the same time. He knew he'd never get sick of it.

As was par the course for the two of them, Phil quickly found Dan leading him to his room while he kissed Phil, but this time, Phil was just as desperate as Dan. Something about all the time he'd spent thinking of Dan rather thins his clients over the past week was making Phil throb with desire. He worked at Dan's jeans, trying to get them off of him even as they walked, and they both tripped over the fabric as Dan tried to kick them away. Phil pulled away from the kiss to laugh, and for the first time found himself having real fun during sex. It took him by so much surprise that he had to stop for a moment, but Dan didn't let him dwell. The man yanked him back into the kiss, and finally pushed into his bedroom, ripping his shirt over his head as Phil pushed him back on the bed as always.

It was good to hear Phil laugh. If he hadn’t been so ready and heated he would have pulled Phil to him. The other’s laugh made Dan want to hold him, laugh with him, and admire the way his eyes crinkled with happiness. Yet Dan’s hard on was a pressing reminder that now was not the time. Instead, he pressed their mouths together in another heated kiss before he managed to get them into his room. Eventually, Dan found himself back against the mattress. He wanted to touch Phil though, just for a little bit. He didn’t waste any time in getting his hands against the other’s sides.

Phil moaned softly as Dan immediately got his hands on Phil's side, clearly wanting to touch Phil more than he wanted anything else. Now that Dan was in nothing but his pants, though, Phil couldn't complain. He climbed on top of Dan as he always did, and smashed their lips together, encouraging Dan to pet his sides and yank his shirt off by grinding down against him, forcefully moving Dan's hands up and down his sides just from the movement alone. He growled as Dan ran his fingers over Phil's nipples and pulled away from Dan to work his own jeans off. "Want you, Dan," he said, trying to move his body harder down against the man. He knew talking like this could easily be taken two ways; either Dan would realize that Phil was quite literally desperate to be with Dan, or he would assume Phil was only saying these things to get Dan hotter for him. Either way, Phil would just have to take it, because he quite honestly was desperate for Dan, and he wanted them both naked so he could lick Dan open for him.

The way Phil ground down on him was enough to make Dan want to come right then. He bucked his hips against Phil’s to find that friction again. “Need you,” he mumbled almost breathlessly. It was impossible to think straight with Phil over him like that. Already, Dan’s hands were slipping further down, glancing to Phil before he started to tug down the last remaining article of clothing Phil had on. Another thing he was quickly starting to love was undressing Phil. He liked watching as he slowly revealed his body to him. He wanted his lips against pale creamy skin, but he also wanted Phil’s hot wet mouth against his entrance, lapping and fingering him. “Please,” Dan moaned as he shifted Phil’s underwear the rest of the way off.

Once completely naked, Phil really started going. He rolled his hips down against Dan, so his cock was pressing wetly against Dan's stomach, and leaned down to suck kisses into Dan's neck. He couldn't get enough of leaving hickeys on Dan, but he carefully moved down where he knew the collar of Dan's shirts would hide them before really getting to work. He knew this was only going to be enough for both of them for so long, however, and sucked against Dan's collarbones one more time before he pulled away. "Roll over for me," he instructed Dan, climbing off of him so he could retrieve the lube from his pants. He hadn't brought a flavored one, but he hadn't been prepared so this would have to do as he felt his cock twitch just at the thought of tongue fucking Dan, pressing his fingers into that tight little hole. Phil moaned as Dan rolled over, exposing himself completely to Phil, and Phil demanded "Spread your legs. I want to see all of you."

Dan rolled over for Phil, not yet getting on his knees but doing what Phil asked by spreading his legs further. There was something about being physically exposed that left Dan feeling exposed in every other way. He was ready though. He had to stop himself from rutting down against the bed. Dan wanted to feel everything Phil was willing to give him; his fingers, his mouth, his tongue. Anything. He parted his legs that little bit more in hopes to encourage Phil. He already knew what it felt like to have the others fingers inside of him, and he wasn’t nervous. He was more excited this time. He knew this would feel good. How could it not? Phil always made him feel amazing and ready to cum at any moment. “So ready for you,” he mumbled, closing his eyes as waited for Phil.

Phil moaned again, loving the way Dan assured him he was ready. He could see his muscles tensing, straining, and knew the man was desperate to rut against the bed already, and yet he wasn't. Phil smirked at that. "So hot like that, Dan," Phil complimented, climbing up on the bed between his spread legs and pushing at his thighs to encourage Dan to get on his knees. He did, but he kept his chest pressed to the bed, and Phil moaned again at the way that caused Dan's arch to back. "Yeah, just like that," he murmured, popping open the cap of the lube so he could spread lube across three fingers. He was so ready for this.

It didn’t take long for Dan to find himself on his knees, his ass in the air while his chest stayed flat against the mattress. “Fuck, please Phil,” Dan moaned as he arched further. He jumped though when he felt Phil start to spread the lube over his hole, his fingers teasing him. “I’ve been waiting so long,” he mumbled, no longer really thinking about what he was saying. He knew he probably shouldn’t be rambling things off like this, but he didn’t think he could help it. “Wanted to feel you touching me so badly,”

Phil's cock twitched again as Dan spoke, his words sending heat coursing all throughout Phil's body. So Dan had been waiting for Phil as well. Why hadn't he called sooner? Phil didn't know, and he probably shouldn't be proud of the fact that Dan had been desiring him so strongly at all, and yet he was. "Now you've got me. Got your call boy so hard for you," he teased, grinning. His fingers teased at Dan's entrance, spreading the lube and making his body clench around nothing. Phil loved watching the movement. "Are you good like this?" Phil wondered, starting to press the first finger in but worried the position might be straining Dan. Dan's body took the finger without resistance, and Phil grinned. He used the hand not working Dan open to spread part of his ass apart, and ducked close. He already wanted his tongue on Dan. Instead, he breathed against him hotly, moaning as he turned his head to bite at the flesh of Dan's ass.

Dan moaned when he felt Phil bite at his ass. “I’m good, so good, fuck,” he gasped out as he moved his hips back onto Phil’s finger. The position he was in allowed Dan to get more of Phil’s digit inside of him easier. Dan’s eyes squeezed shut and he chewed his lip as he forced his body back further. It was amazing knowing that he was able to get Phil just as hot and hard as he was. Even if it was Phil’s job, Dan was still going to take in the feel completely. “Want your mouth,” Dan mumbled again. He was starting to consider now moving a hand to his cock just so he could feel a little relief.

Dan sounded so wonton underneath him. Phil had missed that sound. He'd missed Dan in general, and he wanted to reach up and stroke a hand down Dan's low back, but that would mean letting go of this perfect position he'd situated himself in to rim Dan, so instead, he bit at Dan's ass again and then pressed his face right next to his lubed up fingers. Dan was doing exactly what Phil had hoped he would do - fucking himself on Phil, pushing his ass backwards to do it. "So hot," Phil moaned, and pressed a second finger inside. Dan's body clenched and then relaxed, and Phil moaned at the feeling, pressing his fingers apart to make room for his tongue. Without warning, he pressed his mouth right up against Dan and stuck his tongue out to press over the open area, laving gently all around the sensitive skin. Dan cried out, Phil grinned, and then he was properly licking into Dan.

Dan couldn’t control the sounds he was making, not when Phil’s tongue was literally licking into him in the most amazing way possible. Dan knew it would be good, but he couldn’t have imagined it would be like this. He pressed his cheek onto the blanket underneath him. He did what he could not to move his hips too much. He didn’t want to make it harder for Phil. It was hard not to though, not when he wanted more of his tongue and his fingers all at once. “Phil,” Dan gasped out again. He could feel the other’s tongue around the rim of his entrance, then inside, then back against him. “Perfect,” he moaned before arching his back further.

Phil grinned as Dan started to pant, biting back noises, hips straining to keep from bucking back against Phil's face. Phil wanted him to fuck backwards onto his tongue though, and pressed his fingers deeper, hoping to find Dan's prostrate while he stretched him wide enough he could actually tongue fuck him. Before that, though, he pulled back. "You like it filthy, Dan?" Voice husky and deep, the way he knew his clients loved to hear. He sounded wrecked, and the worst part was, he totally was. He didn't even have to fake it as he surged back in, slurping and sucking around Dan's rim before full and properly tongue fucking him so his tongue lapped up against Dan's inside walls. He thrusted in time with his fingers, which were still working their way inside of Dan, searching for that spot. He knew he'd found it when Dan jerked and lost control of his hips.

Dan was crying out again as he felt Phil’s fingers find that spot inside of him. “Fuck, Phil! Yes,” Dan moaned again as he pressed back into Phil’s fingers and tongue. The sensation was enough to have him close to the edge already. The way the other’s tongue was inside him and his fingers were thrusting inside of him. Dan hadn’t even come, but he was still seeing stars. “So good for me, please,” Dan mumbled as he continued to slam back against Phil. This was probably the hottest thing he’d ever done. He wanted to last, but already he felt the pressure building inside of him.

Phil pressed his tongue inside deeper as Dan erratically began to move against Phil, begging for more. Removing his fingers completely from inside of Dan, Phil spread his ass apart further, and then pressed his tongue up against Dan's rim, teasing now as he felt Dan's thighs tensing. He laved around the puckered skin, moaning against Dan as he felt Dan cry out around him, his orgasm quite literally disappearing. Phil grinned against Dan's body, loving the way Dan bucked his hips in frustration at the orgasm denial, and sucked at Dan, making lewd sounds with his mouth as he teased. Dan pleaded with him, and Phil gave in, thrusting his tongue back into Dan's loose entrance and sucking as he pressed his tongue in. His fingers tightened against Dan's ass, and he spread him further, feeling Dan's knees spread against the bed.

He didn’t know he could feel so relieved as when Phil brought his tongue back. He could feel Phil spreading him further, and in return Dan felt his own knees part even more against the bed. “Fuck!” he cried out as his ass bucked further back against Phil’s mouth, and then he was coming undone. His fingers grasped onto whatever he could reach and his eyes squeezed shut. “Phil!” Dan moaned, actually feeling close to tears now, that was how amazing it was. He couldn’t care that he’d came on his blankets or that the position he was in was starting make him ache. He felt like there was electricity coursing through him.

As Dan came, calling out as his hips bucked against the sheets and back against Phil's mouth, Phil groaned and let go of Dan's ass with one hand to press the palm of his hand against the small of Dan's back, caressing the smooth skin and reveling in the touch. Dan's back was still bowed, his chest to the bed, and Phil was in love with the sight. He didn't want to let Dan move, but he was starting to mewl at the feeling of Phil still licking at him. Phil pulled away and had to remind himself not to sit back on his feet in order to get off unless he wanted to be in pain. Instead, he leaned up and over Dan, holding himself up with one hand as his cock and fingers brushed against Dan's low back now from the new position. Dan was panting, and Phil was desperate to stroke himself to completion from the sound. "So fucking hot, Dan. Like you like this," he groaned.

He was panting and struggling to come down from his high. “Want you to cum,” Dan finally said once he was able to think straight. “Want to hear you finish,” Dan groaned. Even though he’d just came undone, he wanted the same for Phil. “I want-want to feel you finish against my back,” he said softly, fighting the urge to hide his face in the blankets underneath him. He didn’t know if Phil would comply with that, but Dan could hope so. “Please, Phil?” Dan gasped, turning his head so that he could look back at the other.

Dan was still gasping when he suddenly informed Phil that he wanted Phil to come on his back, and who was Phil to deny Dan of that? Desperately turned on and aching for release, Phil bit his bottom lip and stroked himself faster, arching his neck as he panted as well. "Shit, Dan," he groaned, bucking his hips into his fist as he squeezed around the head. He wanted to come /so/ badly. His fingers worked harder around himself. "Wanna cover you in my cum. So hot. Watching you fuck back on me - shit, shit, shit, so good!" Phil groaned, and then he finally came, cum spurting out all the way up to Dan's neck, he came so hard. He arched into himself, pumping into his hand, and as soon as his orgasm was over, he let go of his cock to smooth his cum all over Dan's back.

It had been mind-blowing to feel Phil’s cum against his skin, and then he was rubbing it into his back. Dan didn’t know how he wasn’t hard from that alone. He gasped again, pressing his face further down as he tried to process everything. “Phil,” he moaned before forcing himself to look back at the other. “Amazing,” he mumbled. He wanted to say so much more, but he couldn’t trust himself to find the words. A few more irregular breaths and Dan was shifting until he was in an upright position again. He didn’t understand how it was better every time.

Phil was still panting on top of Dan when Dan moaned underneath him, and he chuckled breathlessly. As he rolled away from Dan, he was careful not to put any pressure on his ass. He hoped Dan missed his wince of pain before he buried his face in the covers of the bed. "Sorry for - spur of the moment decision," he panted, turning his head to find Dan sitting up, and gesturing with his chin to Dan's back. "Should probably shower..." Hh panted, feeling himself a bit spent from the orgasm. He didn't know how it felt so good with Dan when he was literally just jerking himself off, but it did. Dan just made him so hard. It was a relief to orgasm at all after the horrible sensation from this afternoon, and the tension had released from him in one go. He felt weightless. He couldn't imagine how Dan felt, his expression blissed out.

For a moment, Dan could have sworn he’d seen some discomfort on Phil’s face. He stared for a moment, not sure if he should ask or not. He seemed alright though, for the time being anyway. Dan decided against bringing it up right that second. “I liked it,” Dan mumbled before giving Phil a soft smile. “I should shower. I will…in a bit, I don’t mind being dirty right now,” he laughed lightly before moving to settle down next to Phil. The urge for closeness was almost too much to ignore. If Dan didn’t have to leave, then he wanted to stay right next to Phil. “You always make it good for me,” he sighed happily as he moved to brush a few strands of hair away from the other’s flushed face. Right away though, he caught himself. That was almost too intimate, too affectionate. Instead, he quickly placed his hand on his lower back instead.

Phil closed his eyes as he felt the first sensation of relief he'd gotten all day. He'd needed this. More than that, he'd needed Dan. "You really do like it filthy," Phil teased, turning his head to smile softly at Dan and nearly feeling his jaw drop as Dan reached towards his face, aborting the motion at the last second and settling his hand on Phil's low back instead. He'd pretend the motion was for Dan's benefit, and not overly affectionate because he had /feelings./ He hoped Dan didn't have feelings. "I can shower with you," he ended up offering, knowing it was safest option to keep himself from accidentally hurting himself when he inevitably had to roll into his back for bed. "Maybe I can get you off again," he added with a smug smile.

“That would be really nice,” Dan decided. He’d only showered with people a couple of times. It would be a legitimately good experience to shower with someone he was actually attracted to. Phil didn’t even need to get Dan off again. Dan was more than happy to just shower with the other. Of course he wasn’t about to mention that. His own feelings were starting to worry him though. “If you’re comfortable, that is,” Dan added. He didn’t know how willing he’d be to shower at someone else’s house.

Phil smiled as Dan contemplated the idea, his face appreciative just at the thought. As always, though, he was careful to confirm that Phil was actually okay with it. Phil rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm perfectly okay with that, Dan," he insisted, and heaved himself up on wobbly arms. That's what his first orgasm of the day always did to him if he was forced to wait for it. He winced again as he accidentally sat back without thinking, heels pressing to his ass, and turned away from Dan. "Come," he insisted, getting the feeling that the real reason Dan hadn't immediately gone to shower was because he hadn't want to be parted from Phil so soon after orgasm, like last week.

He was almost certain now that he’d seen Phil wince again. Before he got the chance to ask him if he was alright though, Phil was telling him to come and climbing off the bed. Dan frowned softly, wondering if Phil really was alright. He felt like something was off. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but Dan could sense it. He sighed inwardly before shaking the thought away. Phil hadn’t outright said anything was wrong, and Dan couldn’t go off a small wince and long pause. “Coming,” he said before getting to his feet as well.

As Phil shook out his limbs after climbing out of bed, he turned to Dan, smiling as Dan wobbled a bit immediately after standing. "We might want to wash the sheets as well. You got cum all over the bed," he teased, grinning as he turned to find that Dan's cum had streaked a wet spot where he'd been lying as Phil rimmed him. Reaching out for Dan, Phil pulled him in and leaned up to kiss him. His eyes fluttered shut at the feeling, and he sighed into it, lingering. There was nothing wrong with a lingering kiss. Phil just liked to kiss. That's all there was too it. He pulled away again, and gestured for Dan to lead the way.

Dan had wanted to melt into the kiss. It was gentle and seemed to last longer than normal. He fought the urge to sigh when Phil pulled away. It was a good thing that Phil was letting him lead the way. He couldn’t look at him right then. He was too afraid that he was going to end up doing something sappy. He’d convinced himself that Phil could already see through him. Dan had to play it carefully. It was a mix between convincing himself, and convincing Phil that he was feeling nothing but lust. Dan led them to the bathroom, flicking on the light as he stepped inside. He pulled out a couple towels before moving to start the shower water.

'A dangerous game,' Phil had to keep telling himself. 'This is a very dangerous game you're playing.' There was a reason they all had personal drivers who knew them better than they knew themselves, in some cases. Marty shouldn't be letting Phil see Dan anymore. It wasn't just Dan who was very obviously becoming attached - it was Phil, too. He needed to put a stop to this, but he couldn't. He liked being around Dan too much, /especially/ in comparison to Markus from earlier that day. Ducking his head as Dan lead them into the bathroom, Phil tried to reel in his emotions. Phil Lester did not fall in love, but that didn't mean he didn't get attached. It had happened before. It wasn't going to happen again. Soon enough, they were in the bathroom, and Phil watched as Dan got everything set up for them, smiling because he'd never really been pampered this way before, even if what Dan was doing hardly counted as anything at all.

Eventually Dan got everything ready, which was really just letting the water warm up, setting out towels, and grabbing a bottle of shampoo. He pulled the shower doors back open before letting Phil step in first. One they were both in, Dan was instantly relaxing further under the warm spray of water. Without really thinking, Dan’s hands found their way back to Phil’s hips. “Would it be stupid if I asked how your day was?” he mumbled, smiling lightly at the other. It was just friendly conversation during a joint shower. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? He moved a bit so that the water wasn’t directly pouring down on him anymore.

Phil climbed into the shower the moment Dan offered him the option, and ducked his head to hide his smile. He was much too invested in this. He should get out. The water was warm against his muscles, soothing, and at some point, Phil knew he needed to find a way to get the water spraying against his ass. As it was, he didn't want Dan to know he was hurt. Big, warm hands settled at his waist, and Phil looked up, surprised. "Uhm. Not stupid I guess. It was fine," he admitted slowly, not wanting to get too into detail about what had happened with his one other client that day. "Same as usual. How about you? I'm sure your work must be much more riveting." And if Phil was asking because he knew clients liked to talk about themselves, or because he was genuinely curious about Dan's day to day life, he didn't know, but he hoped it was the later.

“It was boring,” Dan said lightly with a small shrug. “It’s been really typical lately. I stay in my office most of the time. Lawyers argue a lot, even with each other.” He frowned thoughtfully. He wanted to ask more about Phil’s day, but he didn’t get the feeling that Phil wanted to talk too much about it. He didn’t know if it was because it hadn’t been a good day, or if it was part of keeping Dan at a distance. “I always end up staying too late, so at least I can’t complain about being behind,” Dan said as he moved his hands against the other’s sides. “Do you want me to wash your hair?” Dan asked a bit more quietly. “I like uh, playing with people’s hair,” he hummed, already glancing towards the shampoo bottle. It wasn’t really true. There was something about seeing Phil’s hair damp though that made him want to run his fingers through it.

Phil hummed in reply. He imagined lawyer's tended to be confrontational outside of work as well, and it was probably a nightmare to be around them. How Dan managed to continue being so soft and sweet, especially with Phil, was anyone's guess. He wondered what it would be like to see Dan in action, and immediately did away with that thought. Dangerous. He shouldn't even be considering it. Phil was so deep in thought, he didn't catch Dan's question at first, but when it caught up to him, he glanced up at the man. His hands ran up his sides, and Phil shivered. He tried to read Dan's facial expression, but he seemed sincere in his desire to touch Phil's hair. He almost looked like he wanted to do it because he found it sexy, but Phil wasn't sure if he was projecting because he didn't /want/ to see through Dan or not. He didn't /want/ to know if Dan was falling for him. He eyed Dan warily, and then nodded his head. "Just this once," he responded quietly, hesitantly, and closed his eyes as he leaned into Dan.

“Just this once,” Dan agreed as Phil leaned into him. Without needing to say anything else, Dan was reaching over and grabbing the bottle of shampoo. “You should close your eyes,” Dan hummed before tipping the bottle in his hands and pouring a bit out. His actions were slow and deliberate. If this was the only chance he’d get to wash Phil’s hair, he wanted to remember it. Once he was sure Phil’s eyes were closed, he slowly started to work his hands through the thick dark hair. It was nice. Dan was hoping though that it was going to be nice for Phil. He lightly started to scrub his fingers, alternating between that, and a massage. He made sure to get every area.

Dan's voice was soft, breathy, as he agreed with Phil, and it sent a shiver up Phil's spine. The words sounded so much like a secret shared between them, and it left Phil feeling...vulnerable. He closed his eyes when Dan instructed him too though, even though it made him feel even /more/ vulnerable, and bit his lip to hold back any pleased noises he might make when Dan dug his fingers into his hair. He usually enjoyed hair pulling, but he didn't know what this was going to be like - and then Dan's hands were in his hair, alternating between scrubbing and massaging, and Phil had to really bite his lip to keep himself from reacting. How? How was this happening, right now? Dan had hired him to have sex with him, and yet there was this well of emotion filling up Phil's chest just from the sheer care and affection that Dan was seeping into every single one of his motions. Phil wanted to cry. Phil had never in his life been treated with so much /love./ "I think that's enough," he blurted out suddenly, sounding breathier than he'd wanted to as he caught himself choking on the very /word./ No. No, no no no no. This wasn't happening. Shaking his head, Phil pulled away from Dan and stood under the spray of water to rinse his hair. There was no way Dan was falling for him. Fuck that. Things were going to be fine. Phil just - Phil just had to be careful. "Would you - Was there anything else you wanted to try tonight?" he asked, flipping the script from emotionally intimate, to sexually as he turned and tried to smile at Dan.

Dan knew he should have been cautious. He could practically feel the other’s uneasiness. He’d tried to be careful and cautious. Dan hadn’t wanted to give any real indication of his feelings, he was doing what he could not to. Honestly he wasn’t even convinced that it was /love/ he felt for Phil. Yet he couldn’t deny that it was something closely related. Dan had already accepted the fact that it was impossible for him not to invest any kind of emotions into this. How could he when Phil was perfect in every single way? He’d never met a person more complete than Phil. He wanted to know him inside and out, and to know that he couldn’t was almost devastating in a way. When he looked at him, Dan felt things he hadn’t felt before. Regardless of all of that though, Dan couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of anything. Then he really would lose Phil all together. That was the last thing he wanted. “I uh, I hadn’t really thought of anything else,” Dan mumbled before grabbing the shampoo bottle and pouring some into his hand. It would have been easier to ask Phil if there was anything he could think of. It was better that he didn’t though.

Dan was avoiding Phil's gaze now, and it looked as if he was regretting what he'd revealed to Phil. The thought made Phil even more anxious, but he tried to shove the thoughts away. Projecting. Phil could easily be projecting. He didn't know what to think or believe, but if there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Dan was dangerous to him. So why was Phil letting this continue? 'One more night,' he promised himself. 'One more night. Just...let yourself have this, one more night.' Biting his bottom lip, Phil met Dan's gaze and moved in close, taking Dan's face in his hands in order to kiss him. He didn't care that Dan had just lathered his head with soap, and he didn't care that this kiss was bordering on desperate, and he didn't /care/ if Dan read into it. One more night. He was giving himself one last night with Dan, whatever that meant, as he settled a leg between Dan's legs to part them for him. He slid in closer, pressing into Dan's space aggressively. "Whatever you want, Dan," he whispered, pulling away to glance up into Dan's warm brown eyes. "Anything," he repeated, and then kissed Dan again.

He felt a bit dumbfounded after that last kiss. There had been something more to it, something that hadn’t been there before. Phil was impossibly close with his knee between his legs. Their bodies were wet and slick against each other. Dan couldn’t resist placing his hands back on Phil’s lower back. Some part of him knew he should be worried about rinsing the soap out of his hair. It was hard to though, when Phil was staring up at him with those eyes, and talking like he did. Dan almost felt stupid for not having something to suggest they do. He felt like he should be able to ramble out at least five more things he wanted to do with Phil. He could expect the more things he thought of, the less they became sexual. “Could we talk?” Dan asked carefully. As soon as the words left his mouth though, he wanted to take them back. What the hell was that? Dan loosened the grip he had on Phil in case he wanted to pull away. “I want to be in bed with you and talk, maybe kiss you some more,” Dan whispered. He was only digging his hole deeper. He didn’t know how to stop now.

Phil should have been expecting that. Dan was most comfortable talking, and he didn't seem able to go at it more than once in a night, but for some reason, that fact didn't upset Phil. Even as Dan was asking for something more intimate by wanting to talk and kiss in bed, Phil couldn't say no because he couldn't think of a better way to spend his last night with Dan. Why not get to know everything about Dan he could? Why not open up to Dan in a way he wouldn't if he planned to come back? Why not? Phil wanted this. "Okay," he whispered, and leaned back up to kiss Dan again, this time less heated.

Dan wasn’t expecting Phil to agree. Then to top it all off, he was pressing another soft kiss against his lips. He wouldn’t have blamed Phil for telling him no, or even deciding to leave early. It was an understatement to say that he was pleasantly surprised with how it had went over. He smiled again at Phil before forcing himself to look away. “Okay,” he nodded back before moving to stand under the shower spray. After he’d gotten all the soap rinsed out, he went ahead and shut the shower off. “Do you want something to wear?” Dan asked after he’d stepped out. He knew Phil had his underwear still, but he went ahead and asked just in case. He hurried to wrap a towel around his waist before handing Phil his.

Dan was clearly surprised with Phil's agreement, but Phil ignored it as he lowered his eyes and pulled away from Dan so Dan could finish washing his hair. Taking a wash cloth down, Phil rubbed down Dan's lower back, and then they were climbing out of the shower. Usually, Phil would never agree to borrow a client's clothing, but Phil had already decided to give himself anything he wanted tonight, so he smiled at Dan, and said "Yes, please. Maybe just sleep pants," he murmured, and leaned up for another kiss. He couldn't stop himself. He wanted to submerge himself into Dan and never stop kissing him. He hummed as he pulled away and took his towel to dry off quickly. Before he knew it, he and Dan were climbing into bed wearing identical sleep pants. This was unreal for Phil. He felt almost shy as he lowered his gaze and laid down on his belly once again, face propped up to look at Dan to avoid any suspicion for the strange position.

Dan had noted that Phil didn’t usually sleep on his stomach. It seemed a bit odd that he was on his belly now. Dan was so elated with the simple fact that Phil was wearing his pajama bottoms though, that he couldn’t find it in him to be too critical. He shifted closer so that there wasn’t much space between them. He wanted to ramble on about how he was happy and content just to be in bed with Phil, to have him next to him, smelling like his shampoo and wearing his clothes. Dan didn’t though. “So what’s it like?” Dan asked after a few moments. “I mean, what’s your day usually like?” He didn’t want to outright say ‘Hey what’s it like being a call boy.’ That didn’t sound polite exactly. Still, he was curious.

Dan shifted so they were touching all along their sides, and Phil sighed, staring up at him. He grinned at Dan's question, surprised by it. "You want to talk about my job?" he reaffirmed, waiting for Dan's nod before shifting so his chin was resting on his arms and he was laying down. "Mm, I mean. It just depends on the day, really. I - uh, really am one of the top requested, because I don't have a limit on number of clients I'll willingly see in a day, so most of my time is taken up by sex to put it bluntly. Sorry if - I don't usually talk to clients about my other clients. Ruins the illusion, you know? But my day specifically just goes based on who I see that day," Phil explained, unsure what exactly Dan wanted to hear. He shrugged. "If you're interested, all you have to do is ask."

For Dan there wasn’t ever much of an allusion. He was aware of what Phil did when he left. Of course he wasn’t exactly thinking about it when they were together, at least not usually. Now though, he couldn’t really help himself from asking. Phil had already said it was okay, and he really was interested. It sort of bothered him that most of Phil’s day was taken up by sex. It wasn’t helpful that he’d told Dan he didn’t have a client limit. “Right,” Dan nodded. “I guess I am a bit interested,” he admitted before sending the other a soft smile. He didn’t want Phil to feel nervous or uncomfortable. It might have been his job, but Dan could understand if it wasn’t something he liked to talk about. “Do you like what you do? I mean, are you happy with your job?”

Phil chuckled and rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he didn't think Dan was paying attention. "I might as well be a sex addict, Dan. I love my job. I'm here because I want to be here. Having sex multiple times a day keeps me calm, sated. And this is the safest way to do that. Most of the time," Phil admitted, hesitating on the last bit, but feeling like he had to add that little part in. "Are you by any chance interested because you want to change jobs?" Phil asked, partially teasing but also just wanting to hear Dan's opinion on what he did for once.

He sort of wished Phil hated his job. Dan didn’t know why, but he’d wished there was a different reason that Phil had sex with people. It could have been so much easier if it was just a matter of making enough money to survive. “No, I think I better keep my day job,” Dan laughed as he settled further against the mattress. “I don’t think I could have sex with people like that. Not that-it’s not that I think your job is wrong or anything!” he added quickly. “I mean, I don’t think it’s exactly safe or anything, but it’s…it’s just not something I think I’d want,” Dan fumbled over his words some as he tried to explain himself.

Phil laughed again. "It's fine, Dan. I understand. Some people aren't suited to multiple partners. I, on the other hand, just care about getting off. Probably sounds bad, but...just comes with being a sex addict, I guess," he said flippantly. "If you ever were interested, I think you'd be good," he added, smirking. "Anything else you wanted to know?" He wanted to keep Dan talking, and Dan had this look on his face like he wanted to know everything. "I can tell you're dying to ask me something. Or say something. Either way, I'm all yours."

“Do you ever get worried about the people? I know you have your driver and everything…but don’t you get scared sometimes?” Dan mumbled quietly. “Don’t you think it’s dangerous? I’m sure some people are nice and everything, but they can’t all be like that. If someone wanted to hurt you…” Dan trailed off again. He needed to convey this properly. “What if you couldn’t reach your cell phone or something? It just seems like you put yourself at risk, even if they do a lot to protect you,” Dan finished. He placed an arm over his lower back. Even if Phil didn’t need the comfort, Dan did. He didn’t want to think about Phil out there, even if he’d been told it was safe plenty of times.

Phil had to really think about how he was going to answer that question, wincing a bit as Dan wrapped his arm around his lower waist and brushed against his tender ass. Dan's eyes widened a bit, but Phil just shook his head. "Look. You're right. There is a lot of risk, and at times, there's more than others. We can't be one hundred percent sure that the client we look into isn't going to hurt us before we go out, but. It's better than the alternative, isn't it? My phone has a panic button, and we use a safe word even in text messages, and there are times I can't get to my phone, but it's hope. It's hope and the knowledge that eventually someone will come save me, and I can still make a mad dash for my phone given the chance. It's the comfort of knowing there's a system in place to protect you, even if it's not always effective. There's more to just the calls and the panic button, though. The agency always hears us out. Today, for example. I have this client, and he's been getting more and more aggressive each time I see him. He's been on the verge of breaking my one major rule for weeks, and today - today he went too far. He pushed enough that I wasn't majorly hurt, but that I didn't feel safe anymore. All I had to do was say the word to my driver, and it was done. They ask for an incident report - what pushed you over the edge - not to decide if you were in the right or not, but to decide if the client is a risk to all of the employees, and not just the person who asked to stop seeing them. The system is strict, and as safe as we can get. I could be out on the streets getting picked up by men who won't follow my rules, or going out to bars every night and putting myself at more risk. Instead, the agency's got my back, and I get paid for my addiction. Maybe you're right. It's not /without/ risk, but it's with significantly less risk than any other way I could go about this." Phil was staring straight at Dan as he spoke the whole time, trying to make the other man understand. His concern was sweet and understandable, but Phil knew what he was doing. He'd chosen this, and had known about all of the risks before he'd started. The fact that Dan cared so much, when no other client had even bothered to question it outside of Phil's vague threats the first time he met with them, said a lot. Phil just wanted to calm him, even if he didn't feel the need to justify himself. That's not what this felt like anyway. It just felt like reassuring.

Dan stared back at Phil for a while. He could see Phil’s point. At least he wasn’t out on the streets where there was nothing to protect him or keep him safe. He’d be on his own anywhere else. Here, the other had at least some kind of support system he could use. Still, Dan knew people. He’d fought for victims and he’d defended violent criminals. He knew that people were sick, and if they wanted to hurt you they would. He’d had some difficult cases before and he knew that it didn’t take an hour to kill someone. It took minutes, seconds even, faster than Phil could hit his panic button. Even if he did, there was still the chance it could be too late. Nobody would be coming to save him; they’d be coming to find his body. He quickly pushed that thought to the very back of his head. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t have to. If Phil said he’d be careful, than he would. “I’m sorry you were uncomfortable,” he finally said. That bothered him too, knowing that Phil felt unsafe. If he was with Dan, he’d never feel that way. He paused again. He didn’t know where /that/ thought had come from. Still, it was the truth. “I don’t make you feel unsafe right? You’ve never been uncomfortable or anything? Because I don’t want to be that person.”

There was pain flickering about in Dan's eyes, reminding Phil of the fact that Dan was a lawyer - a lawyer in a firm where Phil's agency hired their lawyers. If there was anyone who understood the risks better than Phil, it was Dan. It made him feel worse, somehow, to remember that Dan understood what he was talking about better than Phil did. "It's not your fault," he automatically responded, surprised when Dan apologized on behalf of someone else hurting Phil. He was stunned, though, when Dan asked him if he made him feel unsafe. Dan did the exact opposite. Dan made him feel like he belonged. Dan...Dan was someone special, and the only way in which he made Phil feel unsafe was in the clear emotion he expressed towards Phil. He'd promised not to fall in love though...right? "Of course you don't make me feel unsafe. Why would you even have to ask that? Is there something I should know?" Phil teased. "You are the most respectful client I have ever had, Dan Howell," Phil assured him with a small smile. "Trust me. I know - I realize you probably know some of the worst cases, but I've never been put into harms way. Not much, anyway. Today was the first time in months," he commented lightly, hoping to gloss over the subject so Dan wouldn't worry anymore than he already was.

“No, it’s just…nobody should have to feel unsafe,” Dan said softly as he returned the smile. Phil’s job sort of really broke his heart. He was trying hard not to let Phil in on that though. Phil should never feel unsafe. He should never be forced into doing something he didn’t want to. He shouldn’t have to worry about phone calls in the middle of sex, or hitting an emergency button. Dan wanted to change that for him. He didn’t how he’d be able to do that though, or even if he could. And if he could, Dan didn’t think Phil really wanted to leave the agency or even think about not doing his job. He’d said it himself - he loved it. “I know you’ll be careful,” Dan nodded after another long few seconds. “I don’t want to see anyone in a bad situation,” Dan added. He didn’t want Phil to think he was singling him out. Which of course he was. Phil meant a lot to Dan. He didn’t know why, but he did. “I wasn’t worried though,” Dan joked, smirking back at Phil.

Phil rolled his eyes. Dan was such a sweet person. He couldn't help wondering how Dan dealt with the bad clients he got. Surely, he wasn't always defending the person who was in the wrong, but it was clear he always wanted to be. Just the way Dan was spoke volumes about his heart, and it made Phil want to be around him forever. He was a comfort, just his presence alone. "You don't always get to defend the person in the bad situation, though, I'm sure? How do you - how do you deal with it when you have to help someone you know is lying? Someone you know is in the wrong? I'm sure that must be difficult for you," Phil wondered, wanting to roll over but knowing he couldn't.

“Pretend like they aren’t lying?” Dan laughed before shaking his head. “No, it’s not always easy,” he sighed. In a way, it was good to get off the subject of Phil’s own safety. Now, if Dan could just describe this aspect of his job without sounding like an asshole, that would be great. “I advise people not to lie. Eventually, the truth always comes out, one way or another. Most people lie anyway,” Dan furrowed his eyebrows thoughtfully. “We don’t always get to help people or defend justice or whatever. Sometimes, it’s just about winning a case. When I’m in my firm it’s not bad, you know? You just did your job for the day. It’s when you leave that it gets…rough. You could be the corrupt lawyer that got a murderer off. You just have to remember that there is still a lot worth fighting for,” Dan said quietly. He enjoyed what he did most days. Phil was right though. You didn’t always get to defend the right side of the law. Sometimes, it was easier to just focus on winning and remembering whose side you were on after the case. “I wish everyone I worked for was innocent. I’d be a lot happier.”

Phil nodded his head slowly, understanding all too well what Dan meant. The way Dan's voice went soft made it seem almost as if he was afraid that Phil was going to judge him, but what was there to judge? Dan was just being honest with him, and it wasn't as if Phil didn't already know lawyers didn't always win the case for justice. "See, you don't think you could do my job, but I don't think I could do yours. I don't think - it would be too hard to realize that I'd helped let a rapist get off scot free. Not that I'm saying you can, I just. You're obviously a stronger person than I am," Phil tried to explain delicately. It made Dan even more of an amazing person to Phil as he pushed himself up and crawled over to him just to kiss him sweetly. No wonder Dan called on Phil and wanted to talk. It wasn't just about the sex to Dan...but then maybe it wasn't about feelings, either. Maybe Phil was wrong in thinking Dan was falling for him. Maybe Phil didn't have to make this his last day. It was obvious Dan just wanted to protect those around him, and it was clear he needed affection. "I wish everyone you worked for was innocent, as well," Phil murmured quietly when he pulled back away.

Even as Phil kissed him, Dan didn’t know if he felt like he was a strong person or not. Maybe he was just a bad person who could easily turn his back on his true morals. At least Phil wasn’t judging him or telling him that all lawyers were the same and they only cared about winning. A lot of people couldn’t be with someone who helped terrible people escape punishment. Not that Phil was with him or anything. It was just nice to know that he didn’t see him in a negative light. He didn’t stop himself from nuzzling into Phil and pressing another quick kiss to the corner of his lips. “Can I ask you something else?” he whispered as he held Phil. “Do you actually like Kill Bill, or were you just humoring me?” He laughed again.

Phil somehow found himself situated on top of Dan, sort of straddling him, though he was avoiding any pressure on his ass. Dan's lips found the corner of Phil's, and it was such a cute touch that Phil couldn't help but grin against Dan's mouth as he pulled back some so they could look at each other while they spoke. "Of course," Phil assured him, matching Dan's whisper and chuckling at the secret like vibe Dan was giving him. He was surprised when Dan asked him about Kill Bill though, as he hadn't thought Dan would remember that. "I promised not to lie to you, Dan, remember?" he replied just as evasively as last time. If he hadn't resolved to take back his determination for this to be his last night with Dan, he might have answered honestly, but he had resolved to. He'd resolved that he was just projecting his own attachment for Dan onto Dan, and if Dan wasn't a danger to him, then why should Phil hold himself back from seeing him? He pressed his nose into Dan's neck and just breathed.

Knowing that Phil had really liked the movie shouldn’t have warmed him so much. It did though, and Dan wouldn’t even deny how good it felt. “Maybe someday I can pick another movie you like. I’m really into cult movies, most of them anyway,” Dan said as he stretched out further, his arms going back around Phil. He was warm and solid against him. Dan wanted it to last forever. Even so, his own eyes were starting to get heavy. He blinked a couple times, trying to force himself to be more alert. It felt too good being with Phil to let a moment pass by, yet cuddling up and falling asleep with the other always felt amazing. Dan had tried to enjoy cuddling with girls in the past. Now he realized just why this was a million times better.

Phil smiled. "Maybe, but I'm not giving you any ideas. Good luck with that," he teased, though he had a feeling Dan would always pick the best movies. He seemed to have similar taste to Phil, from the little bit of personality Phil occasionally found around the flat when he was aware enough of his surroundings to pay attention. As Dan shifted under him, clearly growing tired, Phil sighed and determined to roll off and away from Dan. He wasn't paying enough attention, however, and ended up rolling over and onto his ass, hissing in pain this time as the mild bruising flared up aggressively. He rolled again, until he was on his stomach, and clenched his eyes shut. "Shit."

“Are you okay?” Dan asked quickly as he sat up. He was feeling much more awake now. “Is is that something that happened today?” he asked, looking Phil over. His expression had been so pained. Dan could only assume this was the injury Phil was talking about earlier. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Dan asked as he shifted closer once again. He reached out to place a hand against Phil’s upper back this time, too afraid to move it any lower. This is what Dan didn’t understand about the job. Phil was in pain. He’d been hurt and made to feel unsafe, yet he’d still been more than willing to go to the next client.

God, Dan was so gentle. He was up in seconds after seeing Phil in pain, his hand fluttering as he asked if Phil was okay, if he could help him. A shy hand fell between his shoulder blades, and Phil relaxed. "It's nothing. I'm fine," he reassured Dan, but didn't move from the position he was in. There was a strained silence, and then - "A client spanked me today, but not like...like, kinky spanking. Aggressive. I'm lucky he didn't leave any marks,” he blurted out.

Dan didn’t really know what to say. Part of him wanted to point out that this had been what Dan was concerned about, that this was the danger even if it didn’t seem like it, but he didn’t. The situation could have been much worse, and yet Phil was more worried about someone leaving marks. Dan frowned softly, rubbing circles against Phil’s back. The other part of him just wanted to comfort Phil and let him know it would be alright. “Why was he getting aggressive?” Dan asked. He couldn’t imagine anyone getting rough with Phil.

Dan's hands on his back helped Phil to relax, and he sunk down into the bed, letting Dan soothe him. "I...I said something I shouldn't have," Phil admitted, unsure how much he should tell Dan. "Something that could make me lose my job. And I think he knew that. He'd been pushing the boundaries for months, and the look on his face - he knew he had more cornered. So I tried to play it off...I saw he got off on the idea of punishing me, so I let him. That doesn't excuse what he did, I know that. But I couldn't - I was afraid to get my phone when he started, because I didn't want him to tell on me. I don't want to lose my job, " Phil admitted, unsure why he was telling Dan any of this. He bit his tongue on /what/ he'd said, and he bit his tongue on the fact that the reason he didn't want to lose his job ironically now had a lot to do with Dan, who he didn't think he'd ever seen again if he was fired. He bit his lip. "But that's all I'll say. I shouldn't have even told you that much," Phil added as a whisper.

Of course Dan wanted to push for more, but he wouldn’t though. “He shouldn’t have done that.” Dan shook his head. His heart sunk in his chest when he thought about how scared Phil might have been. He was scared for Phil, but he didn’t know how to help him. It made his stomach twist painfully when he thought about anything bad happening to him. “And you told your driver right? You got it sorted out?” Dan asked as his hand continued to move against pale skin. “I just…your job isn’t worth your safety, no matter what,” Dan whispered. It wasn’t Phil’s fault this happened. No matter what the situation was, Phil should never been scared or uncomfortable during sex. It didn’t matter if that was his job. People had to respect the boundaries and uphold certain morals. Sadly though, the people who sought Phil out probably didn’t have too many morals to begin with. “I’m sorry, I am. I’m glad you’re okay though.”

Phil wasn't surprised by the sincerity in Dan's voice this time, nor did he question his motives or feelings. Dan was the type of person to care for everyone - that's why he was a lawyer. He cared for Phil because he cared for his safety, nothing else. Still. It felt good. "Yes. I told my driver and wrote my report. I'm sure he'll be forbidden from the agency in the future," Phil assured Dan, letting out a deep sigh as Dan pressed down on a particularly tense spot on Phil's back. "It's okay, Dan. They took care of me. We have people to help with trauma and the like. But thank you."

The first thought that came to Dan's mind was how he could take care of Phil better. He had to shut that idea down, and quickly. Phil said he was fine and protected, Dan had to believe him. If not, he was just going to end up dwelling on it and letting the worry eat at him. Phil was fine, he knew what he was doing and he'd been doing it for a while. Still, it didn't really change Dan's mindset. "Be careful," Dan sighed, soft, but with a smile this time. He moved in closer to Phil, now being much more cautious with where he put his hand. “Phil,” Dan mumbled softly, their faces much closer together now. “I want you to have my card alright? It’s got my number on it. I’m not saying you’ll ever need a lawyer, but if you do...it’s just in case you ever need to reach me.”

What did surprise Phil was Dan's offer to give Phil his card, just in case he ever needed a lawyer. He was /this/ close to saying no, knowing the agency would take care of him if needed, but he couldn't help himself. He wasn't meant to see clients outside of work, and yet...Phil said yes. "Okay. Thank you..." he mumbled, rolling so he could better face Dan and feeling his heart stutter in a way it didn't usually. "I...really appreciate that, Dan. Thank you." Phil leaned in for a quick kiss, a chaste one that Dan reciprocated. "Sorry for probably ruining your night," he insisted.

“You haven’t ruined anything, I’ve had a great night,” Dan said, quickly sending Phil another smile. It was true, his nights with Phil were always good. He did wish though that nothing bad would have happened to Phil. He hated knowing that the other wasn’t safe at all times. He could give Phil his card though, and at the very least he’d know that if something did happen, Phil would have that. He hoped that Phil wouldn’t ever need to call him though.

Phil smiled softly back at Dan, lowering his gaze so he was looking up at Dan from under his eyelashes. For the first time, the motion wasn't in an attempt to seduce. Dan's eyes were just so intense, Phil felt as though he were drowning in the warm brown. "Okay," he agreed simply, and then scooted over to Dan for a cuddle. Phil told himself it was to comfort Dan after all the crap he dealt with all day, but really, he just needed it. He needed someone who cared in his life for just a few seconds. For the first time ever, Phil fell asleep in Dan's arms first.

For a while, Dan was content with just watching Phil sleep. He could deny his own feelings all he wanted. At least he knew he was lying to himself, or trying to anyway. Dan cared about Phil in a way he hadn’t been able to care about someone before. He wanted to keep him safe, never wanted him to be scared, and he wanted him to always know that someone cared about him. Eventually, his own eyes started to feel heavy once again. The comfort of being so close to Phil made him tired all over. Eventually, he let his own eyes close and allowed himself to sleep as well. He dreaded when the morning came and he’d have to say goodbye.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 22,815 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : discussion of voyeurism and public teasing for pleasure, coming out, homophobia, homophobic mother, “just a phase” and “down with the gays” kind of talk, anal sex
> 
> I only got out of bed because dizzy messaged me to post, so go thank them and my obsession with their fics for updating before noon <3

When Phil woke the next morning, it was in a cocoon of warmth and his ass was hurting less. In fact, he'd managed to roll onto his back and had slept on it without waking in pain. He smiled when he glanced up and saw Dan's gentle face so close to his own, and snuggled back into him, wanting to forget for a moment that he had to leave. Then his phone went off and he was sighing as he pulled away, ignoring the whine that escaped from Dan upon his movements. Once done on the phone, he climbed back into bed and over Dan to kiss him awake, smothering himself in the contact of Dan's hands smoothing down his back. "Don't be such a stranger," he encouraged. "Unless your bank account can't take it. Then be a stranger but don't forget me," he teased, and kissed Dan one last time before he left, finding it amusing how Dan climbed out of bed with him to see him to the door and hand him his card, just like he’d promised last night. He tried not to see anything romantic in it as a bleary eyed Dan waved him off, and hurried down stairs.

The car ride with Marty was mostly silent. Phil had come down looking irritated, telling Marty that his ass hurt more than it actually did and making a concentrated effort to make Marty think that Dan hadn't affected him. He rolled his eyes when Marty made fun of him for working with a hurt bum, and said "I couldn't lose him as a customer. You don't get that many once a weeks, after all. Good income." Marty could only nod in agreement, winking at Phil, and Phil worried that maybe Marty could see right through him but was trying to be fair.

Maria put him on strict bed rest when he got home and ran him a hot bath that he napped in, but Phil didn't mind when he finally climbed back into his bed. He wanted to just have been with Dan for a while.

\--

Dan got up just enough to make sure he gave Phil his card and then said a quick goodbye. Once Phil left though, he didn’t feel much like getting up. At the same time, it was hard to stay in bed when he could clearly sense the others absence. The blankets were still warm from their body heat, but Dan knew eventually it was going to cool off some. It was a bit unnerving how much he missed Phil’s presence next to him. Still, he knew getting up would hardly be worth it. He didn’t need to be at the firm, he’d already gotten everything done yesterday. It was strange that he found a day filled with nothing to do. He might as well go back to sleep for a few more hours.

However it didn’t seem like he even got a full two extra hours in before his body was demanding that he get up. It was almost impossible for him to sleep late and certainly not on his own. He checked his phone and realized he’d missed a call from his father. Dan hauled himself out of bed and forced himself to sit up before he called back. Part of him expected to be called in, but the conversation was much more pleasant. Apparently, his parents wanted to meet up for dinner tomorrow. That was doable enough.

The rest of the day went on slowly. Dan had tried to be productive. It didn’t really happen that way though. Instead, most of his time was spent on the sofa debating on if he wanted to go through his emails or watch another episode of the series he was currently trying to get into. Needless to say, television won out. He sighed softly as his eyes fixated on the screen in front of him. He couldn’t help but think about how much better everything would be if only Phil was there with him.

\--

It was a quiet day. After napping in the tub and then napping once again in his bed on his stomach as Maria insisted, Phil finally got up for the day and worked on the next edition of his zine.

He'd been planning to write a new section on protected sex and the importance of it. He tended to write about it at least every six months to make sure the people depending on him got reminders or read about it for the first time upon subscribing to him. He always encouraged his followers to use condoms, but it was equally important to him to talk about the importance of consent, conversation, and visibility. You didn't have to use condoms if you didn't want to, but getting you and your partner tested was highly suggested, and birth control was always an option as well. Phil did all the research, and made sure he even had accurate information for the ladies. He encouraged people to "turn on the lights, and spread their partners legs, because sometimes it's possible to see STD's just by looking."

It was as he was looking through the questions he'd been asked on his website, however, for the "Ask AmazingP" page, that he came across one concerning love. Phil wasn't an expert, and yet he was drawn to this one.

/Dear AmazingP, I think I've fallen for my best friend, but he's a bit of a player. He's experienced, while I'm not, and I'm p. sure that he isn't into teaching his partner the ropes. He'd much rather be with someone experienced, and it hurts to hear him talk about sex so casually all the time. What should I do? xoxo Dimples/

/Ironic name, and coincidental story,/ Phil thought.

/Hey Dimples. Remember what I've been saying about the importance of communication? It's just as important in any relationships you have, even friendships, and it sounds like it's about time you open up to your best friend. If he's worth being called your best friend, I think it's worth talking to him, whether that means asking him to tone down the conversation about sex with you, or telling him outright how you feel. In the end, it's up to you, but I think if he's worth being with in the way you want to be with him, he'll be open to listening to you, and he won't be upset if you want to take things slow or if you ask him to "teach your the ropes." What's the point of dwelling in agony, though? Better to rip the bandaid off and find out right away whether or not he's worth crying over, right? It's important to take care of yourself first, though, so be true to your own needs, and don't give anyone whatever they want just to make them happy. You're important too. (PS. I'll have you know, plenty of players are just looking for the right kind of love ;) he's probably a big softie underneath it all). Good luck! AmazingP/

Phil sighed, knowing even as he added the last bit that he was being particularly revealing, but he couldn’t help it when the question made him think of nothing but Dan. He banished any thoughts of affection for the man away, and got back to work.

\--

The restaurant was nice; that wasn’t exactly new to Dan though. Usually dinner with his parents meant someplace a little more high class. Or a lot more high class actually. He’d tried to talk his mother into eating at home so he could dress down for the evening. Sadly that didn’t happen. Instead, they were at some place that required reservations. He was sure that his dad had pulled some strings instead. It was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. Being a well-known lawyer had at least a couple perks. Apparently, one of them was having restaurant connections.

“You remember the gala this week, right?” his dad asked as he checked his phone for the third or fourth time that evening. Dan gave his father a confused look before his eyes widened some in realization.

“Dan…” the other man said, sending his son a disapproving look. “You know the firm is turning twenty-five this weekend. It’s a big day for everyone. I thought you would have had it marked down. You are a partner now, you might want to remember these things.” He sighed before finally putting his phone back down.

“I knew it was sometime this month, I didn’t forget,” Dan said before clearing his throat. He sent a pleading glance towards his mom, silently asking for some help. She smiled pointedly at him before looking back down at her menu. Dan knew exactly what she was doing, and knew she wasn’t about to get in the middle of it. “What time is it again?” Dan sighed in defeat.

“It’s this Thursday at seven in the Diamond Ballroom. You don’t need to give a speech or anything, I just need you to be there with your date. Dress nicely, you know the routine,” his father said before sliding his menu across the table. Dan’s stomach dropped some. So it was going to be that kind of evening.

“I don’t see why I need to bring a date. It’s a work function. Besides. I’m not currently dating anyone,” Dan mumbled. He reached for his glass and took large sip. It was only wine, but he could tell he was going to need it. He hadn’t planned on coming out to his parents tonight. He didn’t feel ready and he was nervous all over again.

“Oh Dan honey you have to bring a date! You know Sharon? Well, her daughter has been dying for me to introduce you to her. She’s so pretty too, I know she’d love to go with you. She’s well educated and she’s got this new marketing job! She’s perfect, just your type!” his mom said, her excitement radiating. Now she wanted to get involved? Of course, when it came to Dan’s love life she was quick to jump in and offer her /assistance./

“No, no, no!” Dan said quickly before shaking his head. “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing and I get that you want to help, but I’m not taking her. I don’t think I need to bring a date at all,” Dan frowned, reaching for his glass again. “I don’t think you know my type at all,” he added in a low mutter he half hoped they wouldn’t hear.

“Howard, talk to him!” his mother whined. “Tell him he needs to bring a date!” she insisted, her eyes falling on her husband to back her up.

“Linda, I hate Sharon,” the other man frowned. “If he doesn’t want to bring a date, he doesn’t have to,” he said as he glanced around for their waitress. His wife sighed and sent them both disgruntled looks. “At the very least don’t make him take her.”

“Dan, won’t you even consider it? I never see you with girls anymore. It’s not as if you aren’t good looking, and you’re partner at a law firm. You should at least be dating at this point in your life. Eventually, you’re going to want to settle down. Before you know it you’ll be forty. How are you going to find a wife if you aren’t even looking? She’s a nice girl. I’m not saying you have to marry her, but you need to start thinking about relationships, maybe think about getting a serious one, and-”

“I’m gay,” Dan blurted out, cutting her off mid-sentence. He’d told himself tonight wasn’t the night. With all his mother’s constant rambling though, he figured why not. He didn’t have anything to lose except maybe his status and the approval of his parents. And like that, he was terrified all over again. His heart raced as he waited for their response. They might have been a bit uptight sometimes, but he couldn’t really imagine them screaming or falling on the floor and sobbing into the very expensive looking table cloth either. They wouldn’t do that to him. They loved him. That, and he doubted either one would be willing to make a scene in such a nice place. Still, internally he was dying. He wanted someone to say something.

“Well…Son, that’s a very strong statement,” his father cleared his throat before quickly grabbing his phone again. His face might have been blank, but Dan could see the shock in his eyes. “I don’t really think gay would be the word for it, do you, Linda?”

Dan’s mother stared at him, her eyes wide and disbelieving. She wasn’t crying though, that was good.

“I think that it’s good to…experience the things you want to before you decide that it’s time to make a serious decision. You know it’s nice to try new things and uh-to uh get things out of your system. I think though that you might be coming from a confused place. I don’t think you really know what you want, though. If anything this…being gay is just a phase,” Linda said, and her eyes were pleading as she stared at Dan.

Dan, meanwhile, let his mouth fall open. How could she say something like that? He knew she’d tried hard to carefully word it, but he understood it. It was loud and clear. “That’s a really awful thing to say, you know that?” Dan deadpanned. “How could you say I don’t know what I want? You don’t get to pick my sexual orientation for me,” he said quietly. It hurt to know that’s how she felt. He wondered if that was his dad’s view on things as well.

“It’s not that being gay is bad!” his dad interrupted quickly. “There isn’t anything wrong with it. I just don’t think you are. Gay, that it,” he said as he glanced around the place again before staring back down at his phone. “Everyone thinks they’re gay at least a couple times in their life.”

Dan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. While they weren’t yelling, they weren’t accepting him either. It wasn’t fair. They couldn’t just sit there and tell him what he was and what he wasn’t. “I have a boyfriend, I think I know that I’m gay!” Dan snapped, gaining the looks of a few people around them. Okay, so that was a lie, but he had to say something to make them take him seriously! It wasn’t like they were going to ask to meet this boyfriend or anything. No big deal. Right?

“Oh, you do?” his mother asked. She was looking more uncomfortable by the moment. “Why didn’t you mention this sooner? We’re your parents, you should tell us everything,” she said. Dan couldn’t help feeling a teensy bit guilty when he realized that her voice actually sounding a bit hurt as well.

“Okay you know what, fine. Bring him. He can be your date. I don’t care, let’s just stop talking about this. Honestly, where is the waitress?” his Dad mumbled before setting his phone back done.

Dan could tell the conversation was over. At least for now. Now all he had to do was figure out how to sort this lie out. God why did he say that, how was he going to find a boyfriend by Thursday? Just then, a thought crossed his mind. Maybe he could work this out before then.

\--

Two days after seeing Dan, as Phil was climbing into the car with Marty following an intense session with a man who had a thing for nipple play, Marty smirked at him.

"What's that look for?" Phil asked, brow furrowed in annoyance. He was sure he was flushed, and he probably smelled like sex in the least pleasant way, but Marty didn't usually make rude comments about things like that. He knew what Phil's job was - he literally called Phil in the middle of it.

"You got an interesting request for tomorrow night. You know those fancy smancy parties rich business owners throw for special occasions?" Marty began, smirk turning into a grin as Phil began to realize what he was talking about.

A grin of his own started to form on Phil's face. He knew exactly what Marty was getting at, and those were some of Phil's favorite requests. Sometimes, rich business owner's or their sons hired Phil for a night out, usually to a closed event party where Phil was treated as exactly what he was - a high rise, trophy call boy, who everyone knew the guest in question would be going home to bang. The men who hired Phil for events like that tended to give it to Phil the best, as Phil was expected to flirt with everyone but never let anyone touch, making the man sick with desire. It was /always/ hot.

"What about them?" Phil asked anyway, grinning.

"You'll never guess who ordered the package."

By package, Marty meant that the request was an online deal under the kinks section and always cost more. Phil quirked a brow at Marty, however, at how the question was raised.

"Who?" he asked suspiciously.

"Dan Howell."

\--

Phil was nervous. Thursday morning he was given the day off. Part of the package Dan had ordered promised that Phil wouldn't be with anyone else prior to the meet up with their client, which meant Phil had all day to get ready, but also meant he had all day to sweat over what was happening. Marty had patted Phil on the back, congratulating him on /really/ teaching his new client the ropes, and completely unaware of the facts that Phil knew.

Dan wasn't an exhibitionist. Dan was nervous enough over the fact that he was /gay/ and had admitted to Phil that the world was still new to him. There was no way Dan had ordered the package for the reasons it was usually ordered for which made Phil nervous. Was this Dan's elaborate way of taking Phil on a date? He wasn't sure, and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

There were butterflies in his stomach as he got ready. He was meant to be at Dan's flat by six pm so Dan could drive them to their location with Marty following close behind. The party began at seven pm, and Phil was meant to call Marty the moment he was headed home with Dan. The package was nearly three times as expensive as what Dan usually paid and ensured that Phil would stay with him until eight am, pushing his hours past the regular eight that he was usually offered for. Though Phil was terrified, he was also strangely excited.

Dan had at least taken his advice this time. He wasn't being a stranger. And who knew, maybe Dan really did have a new kink.

For the night, Phil pulled on a nice suit and styled his hair back in a nice quiff he usually reserved for the high rise closeted gay men he visited in their offices or in old run down motel rooms. Phil couldn’t help imagining how Dan had even found the package and how he’d sounded ordering it specifically.

The thought made him laugh, and he was still laughing as he picked up Marty’s phone call that let him know he was downstairs.

\--

The next day, Dan tried to explain his situation as vaguely as he possibly could to the women who answered at Phil’s agency. He didn’t want to get into too much detail, but he also needed her to understand what he wanted. That was easier said than done. At first, she’d sounded confused by all of Dan’s stuttering and flustered explaining. Then she’d offered him some kind of package deal. Dan had quickly settled for that, knowing that it was probably much easier to accept whatever she was offering. Then he gave her the instructions he needed Phil to follow before having her charge his card. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized just how expensive this night was going to be. He couldn’t bring himself to care though. Money wasn’t even part of the equation at this point.

He was too nervous to really think straight anymore. It was one thing to come out to his friends, then to his parents, but now he had to share his sexual orientation with everyone at the firm as well? He felt like he might actually be sick over it. All he could think about was how he wasn’t ready, or all the things that could go wrong. On top of all that worrying, he had to also think about how Phil was going to react to all of this. “He’s probably going to be pissed off,” Dan mumbled to himself as he attempted to button up his shirt. His hands were shaking so much it was hard to get the buttons done up. Why had he said he had a boyfriend? Why couldn’t his parents have just believed him what he’d told them he was gay?

Dan didn’t know what he was going to do. He was sure that everybody was going to look at him differently tomorrow. He was even more positive that Phil wasn’t going to be thrilled with this. “What I am doing?” Dan asked himself almost frantically as he glanced at the time. This was probably the worst idea he’d ever had. He should have just agreed to go out with Sharon’s daughter. That would have been the easy thing to do. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration before becoming more upset that he’d just messed up his recently fixed hair.

Dan distracted himself with trying to finish up his look. Phil would be there any minute and Dan needed to not look physically ill with nerves. He was sure this was going to be a disaster. Phil would hate him, everyone at work would ask him questions about his homosexuality, and his parents would insist on continuing to try and find the ‘perfect’ girl for him. Unfortunately, the perfect girl would never be anything other than a man. Dan jumped when he heard the doorbell ring. He grabbed his dress jacket and it slipped it on before hurrying to answer the door.

When Dan answered the door, the first thing Phil did was quirk a brow at him, though he couldn't help getting distracted by how good Dan looked when he was all dressed up for some kind of work function. "I didn't think you were ready to come out to your whole firm," he stated, walking in when Dan moved out of the way for him. "I also wasn't aware you were interested in having other men gawk at me for God knows how many hours before taking me home to fuck me. Do you even know what package you ordered, Dan? And was this some kind of elaborate plan to take me on a date? Because I told you not to fall in love with me." Phil had turned to look at Dan kind of disapprovingly, because he didn't know how else to react to this situation, but it took one look at Dan’s face for Phil to realize something was wrong. "Are you okay?" Phil couldn't help asking once he realized Dan actually looked like he might throw up any second. Walking up to him, Phil took Dan's face in his hands and made him focus on him. "Hey. Are you okay? Dan?"

Dan didn’t know what Phil was talking about, having other men gawk at him. He knew the woman on the phone hadn’t understood him. The way Phil talked about the situation made his stomach flip even more inside of him, and not in the nice exciting way it usually did when he looked at Phil. This was more of the painful, dreading way. “No, I don’t think I’m okay,” Dan said quietly as Phil placed his hands on his face. He stared back at him for a moment before going on. “I don’t want to come out to my firm. I didn’t even want to come out to my parents, but then we went to dinner, and my mom said I had to bring a date or she was going to call Sharon, and when I tried to tell her that I was gay, she told me I wasn’t and that this was some kind of phase and I-I didn’t know what to do so I told her it wasn’t and…” Dan trailed off as he realized that he was rambling. “I don’t want other men to look at you. I just want my parents to believe that I’m gay and stop telling me that I’m not. I told them I had a boyfriend. It was an accident, but I was just trying to make them shut up about it! Instead they told me to bring him as my date to this gala thing. I didn’t know what else to do. I…I just need them to take me seriously.”

Phil's eyes were only growing more and more wide as Dan continued to speak, and Phil realized what the man had gotten himself into. In an attempt to calm Dan down, Phil drew him in and kissed him. His lips moulded to Dan's softly and reassuringly as he realized just how panicked Dan actually was, and then he took Dan's hand - something he was never meant to do. "So you need me to pretend to be your boyfriend, is what you're saying," Phil clarified, nodding slowly at Dan. "Okay, shh. That's fine. It'll be fine. We'll get you through this, okay? I'll get your through this. I'll take care of you, okay? Just like I always do. I’m your call boy, remember? Let me take care of what you need," he insisted, voice soft as he stroked Dan's cheek gently, staring at him calmly because Dan still looked like he was going to be sick. As dangerous a plan as this was, Phil wasn't going to turn his back on Dan now. Not when Dan had been so kind to him in the past. Maybe he hadn't done anything of this magnitude for Phil, but it hardly mattered when Phil knew he would. Dan had offered Phil his card and promised to be his lawyer if he ever needed it after all. Phil squeezed Dan's fingers and kissed him softly again for good measure. "I've got you."

Phil knew exactly how to calm him down. Dan didn’t understand how he could manage to make Dan feel like everything was going to be okay again so quickly. One moment, everything was awful, and the next it didn’t seem so life ending. At least not like it had only moments ago. He nodded carefully as soon as Phil pulled away. “I’m still kind of scared,” Dan mumbled softly as he started back at Phil. He wanted to press their lips together again, or at the very least rest his forehead against Phil’s, but he didn’t think that would be such a good idea. He trusted the other though. Dan didn’t know why, but he had full faith in Phil. He trusted him that nothing bad was going to happen, and that he really would take care of him and the situation. “I’m sorry, I know this is asking a lot. This isn’t something I should have asked for in the first place. I just didn’t know what else to do,” Dan sighed.

Phil smiled softly at Dan as he admitted he was still afraid, and swept in to kiss him again, because that seemed to work to calm him down in the first place. When he pulled away, it was with a teasing smirk. "I'll forgive you on one condition," he said, and then grew more serious. "Remember how you agreed to some weird package when you ordered this night with me? If you go on our website, it's under the kinks section. It's meant for people who get off on their partner being flirted with, knowing that they're the only one who can touch them in the end. They like getting their partner all keyed up and wanting - there’s lots of groping and showing off, letting other people tease, but never really doing anything - before they take the call boy back home and have their way with them. When you order a package like that, they call boy get’s put on reserve. No sex for the entire day prior to your appointment, so you can have them all to yourself. So...I haven’t been with anyone else today. I haven’t orgasm’d even once. Do you remember what I said about being a sex addict?" Phil explained, and then rubbed up against Dan lightly so Dan would feel that Phil was already slightly hard. "You don't owe me anything, really, considering the price you paid, but...I'd really like to have sex with you tonight, get some kind of relief from..well...not getting anything all day. After the party, though, of course. You've got me until eight am either way," Phil continued, this time no longer smirking. He was hesitant now, as Dan hadn't called on him for sex, and had every right to say no. Hiring Phil wasn't about Phil getting off, after all. Still. Usually Phil /did,/ and he hadn't had one orgasm today. He could already feel need buzzing beneath his skin. "Either way, I promise to do my best for you tonight. I'll be the best damn boyfriend anyone has ever seen," he said, smiling again as Dan held him.

Dan instantly melted against Phil. The feeling of his slight hardness was enough to make Dan forget about anything and everything. “As soon as we get home. Then we can do anything you want. I’ll even let you keep me up all night. You can teach me whatever you think I should know,” Dan whispered softly, letting his hands finally make contact with Phil. He was just relieved to have someone to help convince his parents of his sexuality. And maybe he actually was a bit excited for when he finally got Phil back in his room, just the two of them. Who wouldn’t be? Dan returned the smile. His nerves were finally starting to settle. “You look really nice tonight,” he added as he took the time to notice just how good Phil looked.

Phil was surprised by the huskiness of Dan's voice as he offered himself up, giving Phil the power to take anything he wanted, but it also made him slump with relief Dan’s agreement meant that Phil wouldn’t have to suffer /all day/ at least. And Phil had just the idea, fantasies already swirling around in his mind aggressively as he moved in for another kiss, quite a bit more heated than the first one. He could feel himself growing harder in his dress pants, and panted slightly as he pulled away. His eyes were a bit dazed, and it took him a moment to realize that Dan had complimented him at all. "Oh, uh. Thanks. I miss my fringe, but the quiff is much more modern," he stated, attempting to distract himself and calm down. "But anyway. We've got maybe a half hour, right? Tell me what I need to know. Anything you think might help us pull this off. I've been to fancy things before, I know my manners and how to behave. I need you to tell me about your parents, how we met. Things to make this believable," Phil requested, hoping this would distract him, and seriously wanting to help Dan out to the best of his ability.

Dan was glad that Phil had thought to ask. Between Dan’s panic and worry, he hadn’t thought of anything to tell Phil. At least one of them was good at thinking in advance. He took a moment to pull Phil further into the lounge before he forced himself to think of what Phil might need to know. “Uh, my mom likes to know everything. She’ll probably ask you lots of things I can’t guess at. Just say what you think sounds good,” he sighed. “My dad, though, isn’t like that. If it isn't work related, the less he knows the better,” Dan added as he tried to think. “We met through a through a mutual friend, does that sound good? We can say they introduced us,” Dan said. It sounded believable and it wasn’t really far from the truth. If it hadn’t been for his friends, he never would have met Phil in the first place. “We can tell them that we’ve been together for a couple weeks. I don’t think they’ll doubt that or anything.”

Phil followed Dan into his lounge, listening carefully as Dan spoke, his brow furrowed. "If your mom is nosy, I can't just say anything, can I? I mean, even if it is a one off thing or whatever, she'll probably ask things about you as much as me. What am I supposed to say then? I can't just make it up," Phil replied, starting to feel this whole thing unravel a bit. "What kinds of things does she like to know about? What should I know about you, just in case? How do you normally sleep when I'm not here? And I know you work long hours, but are you a good cook? Do you ever cook for anyone? Do you cook for /me?/ Do you cook for her? Do you visit with them often? Tell me things like that, Dan. I don't want to get caught in a lie," Phil elaborated, staring at Dan with narrowed eyes, prepared to take in everything he could. He wanted to do this right for Dan. "But the meeting story is fine. I can work with that." Already, Phil knew he planned to stick as close to the truth as he possibly could, especially when it came to thinks about himself. Maybe he didn't get personal, but this was a parent that Phil feared he'd very much run into again. He didn't want to ruin this for Dan. It was clearly important to him, and Phil knew the fear of coming out to your parents. He'd never been rejected or told he was going through a phase, so he couldn't completely relate, but he understood. He understood, and he wanted to help.

Dan hadn’t realized it needed to be this extensive. Phil was right though, what if she asked something about Dan that Phil didn’t know but Dan’s mum /did/? He felt the panic start to set in again as he struggled to think of what the other needed to know to successfully be his ‘boyfriend.’ “I uh, I sleep on my back and on the left side,” Dan said quickly. “Usually with the television on, just because I fall asleep like that,” he replied. “And I can cook for myself…sometimes. Other than that, I don’t do much in the kitchen. It’s probably better if I don’t cook for you. I don’t think she’d buy that, or she’d probably apologize or something. I never cook for my mom either. I see my parents a lot though. Usually my dad at work and I see my mom at least once a week,” Dan mumbled as he ran a hand over his face. “Um what else. I’m pretty organized at work, not at home though. I’m not very exciting in general. I don’t do thrilling things very often.”

Phil hummed in understanding, nodding his head as he took all of the information in, understanding it was a lot to ask of Dan at the very last minute. They didn't have much time, and they /had/ only been dating for a few weeks. It should be enough to go off of. And Phil already knew Dan was a romantic. He knew his own perceptions of Dan. Things would be fine. "Okay. That's fine. I think we'll be fine. That's enough, for now. You said we've only been dating a couple weeks? How about a month?" When Dan nodded his head in agreement, Phil stood up. "Alright. Let's get this charade over and done with, then. I really want to be back in bed with you already,” Phil couldn’t help adding, rubbing at his face and eyes as he tried to ignore his hard-on. After too long without sexual stimulation, Phil often found himself in this situation with an awkward hard-on. When he pulled his hand away, he sent Dan a look. “I'm going to /ravish/ you, Dan," he groaned, a promise in his voice as he shook his head to clear his thoughts before offering Dan a hand to help him stand up. "I'm assuming there will be alcohol. Don't get drunk. I'll need you awake," he continued, and pulled Dan into him for one last kiss. "I assume PDA is off the table as well?" Phil questioned, murmuring the words against Dan's mouth.

“Maybe you could hold my hand?” Dan mumbled back, already thinking about how things would be after their evening was finished. It was so easy to get lost in Phil. He wanted to be affectionate when they were together. He tried to remind himself of what their actual relationship was though. “I think it would help get our point across,” Dan said before finally pulling away. “I won’t get drunk. I think I want to be awake for tonight as well,” he laughed before glancing around for his car keys. He was still dreading the event. He was nervous, but it wasn’t like before. At least now he was convinced that things would be alright. Phil would be right there making sure he played the boyfriend role, and he wasn’t angry. “Are you ready?” he asked, grabbing his phone off the sofa and shoving it into his pocket.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Duh. Of course I'll hold your hand. I meant, like, kissing and stuff. What's out of bounds for your parents, you think? I've never /actually/ dated anyone, but I know what affectionate touches are. Hand holding, cheek kissing, arms around waists, etc...are those okay?" Phil queried, knowing those things would make their relationship seem /legit,/ but also unsure if they were necessarily /okay/ around rich folk who were trying to make a good impression, rather than the kind Phil was used to going to usually called for to entertain on events like this. As Dan grabbed for his car keys, Phil got himself ready to act the confident boyfriend, and adjusted his outfit. "Lets go," Phil agreed, informing Dan of his safety precautions. Phil was meant to re-join Marty where he'd parked, and Dan was to pick him up there so Marty would know Dan's car. Dan took the elevator down to the lobby with Phil, but he turned out a different set of doors to get his car, where as Phil left through where he'd come. He waited with Marty, who teased him for already looking like he'd gotten some action, until Dan showed up in a sleek black car, and then Phil climbed in next to him. The car was nice, but Phil had been expecting more grandeur from a lawyer. It reminded him of just how grounded Dan was, and helped Phil relax more as they headed for Dan's parents gala.

“I think my parents expect me to kiss your cheek once in awhile, maybe put my arm around waist. Just simple, cute couple things,” Dan said softly. He didn’t want Phil to feel uncomfortable or question what was alright and what wasn’t. They spoke a little as they rode down the elevator, and then they split ways as Dan got his car. Then Phil was climbing into Dan’s car for the first time. For a moment, he’d thought it would feel strange. This was the first time he’d been somewhere with Phil that wasn’t his own home. There wasn’t the awkward element he’d expected. Instead, Dan felt more collected than anything. “They seem uppity at first,” Dan continued softly. “When I was in school, I was always nervous about bringing any new friends over. But they really aren’t that bad. People always assume it’s about trying to impress my parents, in reality they’re just trying to impress everyone else,” Dan sighed as he started to drive. He didn’t know if Phil would meet his parents again after tonight. Part of him wanted Phil to, and the other part didn’t. All he could really hope for was that tonight went well.

Phil nodded his head in understanding. "So it's all about letting /them/ impress /me/ and not the other way around. Got it," Phil agreed, already knowing his own plans were to make it as apparent as possible that Dan was in love with him, so Dan would find it easier in the future for his parents to accept Dan's /real/ first boyfriend. It was no skin off Phil's back if Dan's parents didn't like him after all. It wasn't like they needed to like him. Phil lived to help other LGBT youth, however, and to have the chance to make life a little easier for both Dan, and his future partner, was all Phil could ask for in life. And sex. He could ask for sex, which Dan had promised afterwards. They walked into the gala together, arm in arm, the way Dan had told Phil too, and though they were immediately greeted by a large room that Phil had no hope of locating Dan's parents in, he still found himself immediately looking around. The music playing was pompous, and it appeared every other couple in the room was traditional- a man and a woman. Phil refused to feel intimidated as people began to come up to Dan, asking for introductions. Phil simply smiled sweetly at them, playing the shy card as Dan awkwardly introduced Phil as his date. People looked confused, taken aback even at first, but they left Dan and Phil alone with sincere enough smiles. As more and more people greeted Dan, Phil watched more and more people steer clear upon realizing that Phil was Dan's date. It didn't bother Phil, as the people who did come and greet Dan after that were sincere in their well wishes for Dan and Phil's relationship. "Maybe we should grab some drinks," Phil suggested when he glanced at Dan and found that he looked nauseous again.

He hated how many people where there already. He knew it would be a big event, but even so, he felt overwhelmed in a sense. Then there were the people greeting him and asking who Phil was. The smiles and best wishes were nice. However, Dan couldn’t help but notice the people who were avoiding him. He knew it was probably just him, but it seemed as if everyone was either coming up to him, or hurrying away from him. He kept Phil just a bit closer as a few more people said their hellos. “I think that’s a good idea,” Dan said before nodding in agreement. A drink would at least take some of the edge off. Or make him look more confident. He led Phil over to the bar. “I’m sorry if I’m not a good date,” Dan laughed nervously. “I not very good in social situations in general, so this is sort of awful for me,” he said lightly as he tried to hide his own concern and fear.

Phil shrugged his shoulders, and because he knew he should, he leaned up and kissed Dan on the cheek chastely. "It's fine. I understand completely," Phil assured Dan, untwining their arms so he could instead lace his fingers with Dan's and tug him in closer. He grabbed both him and Dan a wine glass, and then took a sip of his own. "So. I'm sure there are certain things one has to do at a party like this. Care to take charge, Dan?" Phil teased, leaning into him and laughing softly as he noticed a few wandering eyes glancing their way.

He smiled back at Phil, for once not caring that people were watching. “One should mingle some, pretend like everything that is happening is thrilling,” Dan laughed as he led Phil along. Being a partner meant to have a real interest in what has happening. The firm getting another year old just wasn’t exciting to him. Instead, he was more focused on the way Phil’s hand felt in his. Suddenly though, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. “Dan there you are! I’ve been wondering when you’d get here!” His mother said, seeming to appear out of nowhere. “You haven’t introduced me yet!” His mother smiled brightly at Phil while Dan cleared his throat some. “This is Phil, my boyfriend. Phil, this is my mother, Linda.”

Phil couldn't help laughing as Dan spoke as if he were Phil's mentor or tutor, and his eyes scrunched up as his tongue poked out of his mouth. He was almost doubled over, and he wasn't sure why he found it so funny, but it probably had something to do with the way Dan looked as he said it, and the way he'd changed his voice, and the obvious contempt he had for events like these. Suddenly, however, Phil felt Dan pull to a stop, and a high pitched voice attacked his ears as he was forcefully turned around and then introduced to who was apparently Dan's mother. Plastering a proper grin onto his face, Phil reached out and shook her hand. "It's very nice to finally meet you, ma'am. Dan has been anxious about introducing me to you since we first met," Phil said, and then ducked his head as if he felt embarrassed for admitting that on Dan's behalf. He sent Dan an apologetic look, and then turned back to Linda. "I just meant - well. He thinks very highly of you, and he was afraid...that you meeting me might not be what you wanted." Phil tried to make himself sound humble, and ignored Dan as surprise flashed over the man's face. Linda, on the other hand, looked awed in a positive way, and her eyes watered lightly. Phil wanted to grin. "Oh, Daniel, honey!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way! You know you can tell me anything!" she gushed, pulling Dan into a hug and forcing Phil to drop Dan's hand. Seconds later, she was hugging Phil as well, and Phil's eyes went wide as he blushed. She pulled away from both Dan and Phil then, grinning gleefully at Phil. "So tell me how you met then? How long have you been dating?" Phil looked up to smile at her. "Uhm, well, some mutual friends introduced us over two months ago. I'm still in school, you know, trying to work my way up to becoming an editor. The dream is to head a magazine, but you know how it is," Phil laughed, watching Linda shrewdly as her gaze seemed to become protective, just as Phil had wanted. He wanted her to be desperate to impress him and keep him in her good books, /just in case/. Who knew if he /would/ become an editor of a tabloid magazine after all, right? "So anyway, we've been together for about a month. I took him and our friends out for his birthday, and Dan was going to bring me to birthday breakfast with you, but, as I said..." Phil trailed off, glancing at Dan regretfully again and hoping that Dan was appreciating his efforts and not getting the wrong idea. Phil was just trying to make Linda /see/ what she'd done, /see/ how sincere both of them were.

Honestly Dan hadn’t expected Phil to be so in character with it all. He seemed to know just what to say to his mother. Enough so that they’d both gotten hugs over it. He wouldn’t have blamed Phil if he’d only said a couple words to her, smiling and doing the bare minimum. This was better though, more convincing, and at least his mother was apologetic of making Dan feel like he couldn’t tell her. “Education is so important,” Dan’s mother nodded in understanding. “I know it’s time consuming for you, but it’s great you’ve got a plan and that it’s something you enjoy doing.” She smiled again. “So, do you get to spend a lot of time with Dan? I know he’s been staying later at work,” she said, sending Dan a glance. “If I had known he was seeing someone I would have encouraged him to make time for other people in life,” she laughed, but Dan knew she wasn’t exactly kidding either. “He’s such a workaholic sometimes, and I imagine with you working on your own things it’s not always easy.” she finished. Dan’s eyes narrowed as he tried to find a way to dissuade her from thinking that Dan just didn’t have enough time with Phil to realized he didn’t want him. “We get to see each after work and I usually try and take a least one day off a week to see him. Or I leave early,” Dan explained before taking Phil’s hand in his again. “We can work around each other’s schedule,” he added. He knew this was all an act, but it still felt like he was being accused of not being an attentive boyfriend or something. His mother only laughed again. “Don’t be selfish with your time, Dan. I’m sure Phil would like to have you around more often. Nobody wants a boyfriend who’s always at work, right Phil?” she asked before turning her glance back to the other.

Phil nodded along wide eyed to everything Linda said, but before he could reply to her accusations against Dan, Dan was speaking up to defend himself. Phil almost wanted to snort at the true meaning of making time for him once a week, but he held back and reached out to take one of Linda's hands in both of his own. "I'm sorry to be presumptuous," Phil said, nodding down at their clasped hands, "but I find it so important to have your attention. Yes, Dan's a bit of a workaholic, and I've definitely noticed the late nights he's been pulling, but. Well, ma'am, to be perfectly honest with you, I know Dan works those long hours for /me./ You see, ma'am, we both believe a little distance in a relationship makes the heart grow fonder, so we have a weekly date night, and Dan /always/ makes it almost the whole day for us to enjoy going out together. I know that's why he works so hard, so he can leave the firm early at least once a week. He's really the sweetest, doing that for me. We see each other as often as we can, and I really think..." Phil suddenly blushed. "Well, it's only been a month, but," Phil cast Dan a coy look, dropping Linda's hand suddenly. "I really think he could be the one," he finished softly.

Linda’s eyes went wide again and as she glanced from Dan to Phil. Dan was doing everything he could to keep his neutral look about him. In reality though, he'd almost dropped his glass. "I didn't realize you were this serious, Daniel," his mum muttered. Now she looked nervous again and slightly shocked. Now if only she'd believed him in the first place, this wouldn't have had to happen. Dan cleared his throat again before looking over at Phil. "I love Phil. I care about him more than he could realize. I want him to have the best of everything," he smiled. His mother could only look back at them with a concerned expression. "This isn't a phase," he frowned at her before taking a sip of his drink. "Have you seen your father yet, Dan?" his mum asked as started to glance around. "I think you should introduce Phil to him."

Phil watched as Dan's mother very suddenly changed the subject, not bothering to acknowledge what Dan had said about their relationship being a phase. Taking Dan's hand in his and twining their fingers back together just in time for Linda to turn back around and see Phil squeeze them reassuringly, Phil waited for the fireworks, knowing they wouldn't come in their usual way. Dan seemed flustered now, a little nervous and a lot annoyed, and Phil just wanted to help him get through this, so he tugged him closer."Come on, honey. Let's go find your father. I'd really like to meet him," Phil stated, eyeing Linda a little cautiously now. She noticed, seeming to grow pale. "It was lovely to meet you, Linda," he said in farewell, and then Dan was marching away. They still had a long night ahead of them, and Phil knew, without a doubt, that Linda wasn't done questioning him. She still had some impressing to do if her final expression was anything to go off of, but more than that, she very, very obviously planned to prove to Dan that this was just a phase. Phil had seen the look on her face. He knew she wasn't happy about this turn of events.

Things quickly started to become uncomfortable towards the end of that introduction. Dan knew his mother still wasn’t be convinced just from that. It was a good start though. At least now he’d gotten her thinking. He wished that she would just accept the fact he wasn’t going to marry some pretty girl. His relationships would never be traditional, but that didn’t mean they weren’t going to be real and heartfelt. Dan held Phil’s hand a bit more tightly. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t picture himself holding anyone else’s hand in the future. His mind would only allow him to imagine Phil next to him doing these things. Dan knew that wasn’t how things were going to be, but for tonight he could almost sort of let himself pretend that it could be that way. “Sorry about her. My dad’s much easier to deal with. He’s better at…not wanting to change things about people?” Dan joked lightly, but he wished his stomach would stop turning. He wandered around until he managed to spot his dad, who was around a group of people laughing. Dan knew they weren’t fellow coworkers, and they certainly weren’t clients. He could only guess at the people his father had invited to the event. He hovered around with Phil for a moment. He didn’t want to interrupt as he was hoping to just be noticed naturally. Eventually, his father looked over and smiled. “Dan, there are you,” he said as he waved them over. “Gentlemen, this is my son and partner, Daniel. And if I’m not mistaken, this is his date for evening,” he said as Dan smiled at them. “Why don’t you introduce this young man?”

Phil shook his head at Dan's apology. "That's what I'm here for, Dan - to force your family to change their minds. Nothing they say is going to hurt me," Phil assured him, knowing already that he 100% meant every word he was saying. As Dan's fingers tightened around his hand, Phil couldn't help glancing down. He'd never held hands with someone before, and he'd certainly never thought it would make him feel so warm. The thought almost made him rip his fingers away, but he had a job to do, and if he was good, at the end of it he'd be allowed to do anything he wanted to to Dan. The thought made him grin again, but also set off something unnerved in him that he tried to ignore because some part of him /wanted/ to just keep holding Dan's hand. They eventually ran into Dan's father, but he was talking with a group of people, and Dan didn't seem to want to interrupt, so Phil busied himself glancing around them and smiling shyly at anyone who dared meet his gaze. He wasn't used to being around people like lawyers, but he /was/ used to businessmen, and bigots, so he knew his best bet was to kill them with kindness. There was no point fueling their already burning fire. Let them extinguish themselves out when they couldn't pry anything from Phil. A tug on his hand reminded Phil of what he was supposed to be doing, and he followed Dan up to his dad, who introduced Dan and Phil like it was the most natural thing in the world. Smiling kindly at the man, Phil automatically reached out his hand to shake everyone's, pleased that they were all bound by manners to do so. He could see a few men were surreptitiously glaring at him and Dan, and Phil made sure to shake their hands a little longer. It clearly unnerved them. "It's very nice to meet you all," he greeted as Dan shared everyone's names with each other. He turned his gaze back to Dan's father, who was smiling so kindly at Phil, he couldn't imagine that the man also thought this whole thing was a phase. He blushed and glanced away, squeezing Dan's fingers and waiting for his lead on what to do next.

Dan had meant it when he said his dad was easier to deal with than his mother was. He sighed in relief when the group of people started to disburse some. His father had clapped a hand down on Phil’s shoulder, his expression still just as pleasant. “It’s nice to have you here, Phil. Don’t let Dan hide you away like that,” he laughed. “I’d like to say that Dan’s told us a lot about you, but I’m sure we both know that’s just not true. I’m sure he was dying too though,” the other man said, sending Dan an apologetic look. Dan’s father had always been a fairly gentle person. He might have seemed intimidating and strictly business like, but Dan knew he was more than that. If anyone had to have guessed, they would have thought that Dan’s father was the problematic one. He owned a well-known law firm and had come from a long line of attorneys. He was the laid-back one though. “So what do you think of my son here?” he asked, smiling again at Phil. “He’s uh, he can be something else,” he teased while Dan rolled his eyes at him. “No, all jokes aside he’s a hard worker, does a lot of good at the firm,” he added while Dan fought off the urge to beam back at his dad. He rather appreciated being talked up to Phil.

It didn't take long for Phil to realize that there was no animosity coming from Dan's dad, and that he was more than just pleasant. Somehow, Phil got the feeling the man couldn't care less who Dan took to his bed. As his smile turning bright, Phil grinned at the man. "He's told me plenty about you, sir. All good things, I swear. He uh - he didn't want to keep me a secret. I'm glad he finally isn't," Phil assured the man, not wanting Dan to look like an asshole. Phil beamed again as Dan's father complimented Dan highly, and nodded his head. "I'm sure. You know how he is - always bringing work home. He's - he's a very good man, sir. Kind. Caring. Passionate. I uhm. I love your son very much," Phil said, blushing for real this time as he'd never said those words before. It was good, though. He wanted Dan's father to think well of him. After meeting him, the feeling was sincere. Dan's father was truly a good man - now Phil knew where he got it from. Turning back to Dan, Phil tucked himself into his side and giggled as he peered happily up at Dan, one arm around his waist as Dan pulled him in.

Dan couldn’t help but feel a warm fluttering sensation inside of him. He pulled Phil in closer and smiled brightly down at him. He hadn’t realized there were only going to be some elements to this night that were fiction. Phil was beautiful and Dan was proud to be able to show him off. He wished though that it would have been a bit different. He wanted to actually be there /with/ Phil. He could tell his dad liked him and he was sure if his mother would come around things might truly be wonderful. “I love Phil a lot as well. I adore him,” he said, his tone a bit more serious now. “I’m sure he makes you a lucky man,” his father smiled at the both of them once again. “Alright, well I’m going to go check on everything, see how everyone is doing. We should be settling down for a dinner in a bit,” his father said as he checked his watch. “I’ll see you both soon. Our table should be up front and somewhere towards the right,” he finished before heading back into the crowed. Dan sighed again. That had went over extremely well. “He likes you,” Dan laughed lightly as he steered Phil around too look for their seats. “Have I thanked you yet?” Dan asked as he glanced down at Phil.

It wasn't fair. Phil wasn't supposed to be getting warm, fluttery feelings in his chest from Dan saying be adored Phil. He wasn't supposed to be feeling anything. This whole thing was meant to be one big ruse, and yet Phil couldn't bring himself to regret anything about this night. He sighed as Dan's father assured Dan he was lucky to have Phil, and felt his stomach flip as he took in the way Dan was looking at him. /Matter of perception. You're faking being in love. Of course you're going to be feeling this way,/ he mocked himself, straightening up as Dan's father walked away and Dan once again took his arm to lead him to their dinner table. Phil had almost forgotten dinner would likely be served. "I thought you were thanking me tonight?" Phil teased, trying to get back into his element and leaning up to whisper in Dan’s ear, "You owe me a day's worth of orgasm’s, Howell." He pulled away with a smug grin, feeling it as Dan tripped over his own two feet.

Dan felt his face heat up and he stumbled some as Phil whispered in his ear. “I’ll make sure this is well worth it,” Dan whispered back, trying hard to sound seductive and sultry. In reality though, both he and Phil knew he was still somewhat of a hopeless virgin. “I meant what I said, anything you want tonight,” Dan added. He might only know a couple things, those things being whatever Phil had showed him, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t eager to please. He would do anything at all for Phil. That sort of scared him some. It also thrilled him to no end. He led them over to the tables, his eyes starting to scan the place cards for his last name. Up front, the music was a bit louder and the lighting brighter. Dan didn’t mind, not really. It gave him an excuse to lean in further to talk to Phil. Eventually, he spotted his last name on the table. Four places reserved. “I didn’t actually bother to ask what they’re serving tonight. It should be decent though, it usually is. Can I get you anything else to drink until then?” Dan asked as he pulled out Phil’s chair for him.

Phil shivered at the offer, once again desperately turned on at the thought of taking from Dan rather than the other way around. He rarely got the choice to do what he wanted with a client. Sure, he often had to gauge what a client was into, and act the way that fit them best, but rarely was Phil given the choice to literally do anything, command anything. There was so much he still wanted to do with Dan, and a few of those things Phil wasn't sure he could ever ask for. Tonight, though. Tonight. Well. Phil was going to make sure they both felt a world of pleasure. Masturbation wasn't going to cut it tonight, whether he was staring at Dan's body or not. Eventually, they found themselves at their table, and Phil couldn't help but smile when Dan pulled his chair out for him. As much as it was an act, it wasn't. Phil knew Dan was just a gentlemen in general, whether this whole thing was a farce or not. "I'm sure it'll be fine. But I think I should stick with water. My personal rule is one glass of wine per client," he teased, though he was serious about the one glass of wine. Leaning over to Dan, Phil surreptitiously drew his hand up the inside of his thigh while pretending to point out someone he didn't know. "I'd ask you who that was, but I really don't care," he whispered into Dan's ear instead, eyes wide and innocent as he turned his gaze on Dan, dropping his hand and nodding his head when he saw Dan's mouth drop open. If he had to be uncomfortably hard for this affair, well, now that Dan was sitting down, he could be too. Phil might be better at hiding it, but Dan definitely was not. He was definitely going to take advantage of the table hiding Dan's crotch tonight. "Want your cock, Howell," he whispered in his ear again, this time nodding at someone else before pulling away, smug as his fingers brushed just up in between Dan's legs were his cock most likely lay, not yet hard.

He didn’t know how Phil could manage to make him heated at a gala for his work. Still, he’d managed to do so, and Dan was left with a slack jaw and a desire for more. He cleared his throat some and tried to actual natural. He could still feel where Phil’s hand had brushed his thighs. He could hardly wait for tonight when they got home. He’d gladly give Phil whatever he asked for. “So, magazines huh?” Dan asked lightly as he looked back at Phil. He was trying to think of something that would get his mind off the rest of the night ahead of him. All he needed to do was have dinner, talk a bit more with his parents, and they could probably sneak out afterwards. He wanted to put his own hand on Phil's knee. He didn't know how that would go over though.

Phil smirked as Dan very clearly cleared his throat, removing his hand as he batted his eyes at Dan and chuckled. He blinked as Dan changed the subject to something Phil hadn't been expecting, and nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. Magazines," he started slowly. He'd decided early on that he'd make life easier and tell the truth tonight. There was no point in making up a story he'd never remember. "I'm not in school, but. I might have lied that first night when you asked if I had any other jobs. I run a magazine with my brother. I figured your mom didn't need to know the specifics, but I thought it might help force her to behave a little better?" Phil said, voice raising in a question at the end. He started to shake his leg a bit as a nervous tick, suddenly wondering if it had been a bad idea to be so open about the real him tonight. Dan wasn't going to use that against him, right?

Dan hadn't been expecting that. At most he'd thought Phil would shrug and tell him it was just a quick made up story. Or that it was something he'd once considered doing. He was a bit shocked with the information. Of course it only reminded him that there was a lot about Phil that he didn't know. "Wow, really?" Dan said tilting his head some. "That's really interesting, I didn't know you were even into writing and magazines like that," Dan said. "What do you write about?" Dan asked. He couldn't help himself from asking for a bit more information. It was like finally getting something he'd been wanting for ages now.

Dan’s clear excitement at the reveal of Phil's second job made him blush for real for the second time, and he shrugged again, wanting to play it off and not get too into it. "It's a small thing. More like a zine. It's not digital or glossy. I make them myself, kind of the old school creative crap, and my brother mass produces it. We've got a website for distribution, and all that. It's - don't laugh, okay? It's just something for teenagers. Sex and relationship advice. LGBTQ+ support. You know. Stuff like that," he explained, shrugging again and turning away.

"That's really innovative," Dan said before reaching out and placing his hand on Phil's. All for looks sake of course. "I'm sure a lot of young people benefit from that. It's nice that you're doing something that contributes to a lot of people lives," he smiled back at Phil, assuring him that he wouldn't laugh. He found that he liked the idea of Phil being creative like that and giving back to people. "You'll have to show me sometime, if you want of course."

Phil looked up as Dan placed his hand over his, trying to hide his surprise and forcing a smile onto his face. For looks, of course. He actually was surprised at Dan's praise, and there was a look of sincerity in Dan's eyes that made Phil feel like he actually meant it. He'd never really told anyone else what he did - his co-workers would most definitely mock him, and then tell on him to their supervisors, and then Phil would probably be out of a job - and Phil didn't exactly /have/ friends. It was...strangely nice to have shared that interest with Dan when he otherwise never would have. "Thanks," he replied honestly, his smile becoming much more real. "Maybe. We'll...we'll see. I can't - we're not supposed to be friends, Dan..." Phil said, hesitating. Part of him /wanted/ to be. Nothing more than that, no, /of course/ not, but it was so tempting to push the boundaries of what he was allowed to do. He could get in so much trouble if he were ever caught going to Dan's house on his off hours, and it seemed fucked up for Dan to have to pay him everytime he wanted to hang out, but...Phil bit his lip. "We'll see." Before Dan could properly respond, the guests were being ushered to their tables, and Dan's parents were joining them.

It was easy to hide the hurt this time. His parents had just arrived though, and Dan was thankful for the distraction. He knew the hurt was unreasonable. He went into this knowing just what him and Phil were. It was a business proposition. Dan was a client and that was all he’d ever be to Phil. He paid the other for his services. If he forgot that, he could quickly check his bank account and remember just how much he’d paid for Phil to be here tonight. Still, it wasn’t a good feeling to know that there was no hope for anything more, even for friendship. Dan had to know his place here. If he forgot, it wouldn’t be good for anyone. “Dan, you alright?” his mother asked as she gave him a look of concern. Maybe it wasn’t so easy to hide his own feelings. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he shook his head before sending her an easy smile. “Just thinking,” he added quickly. He had more important things to worry about at the moment. She raised an eyebrow but nodded in return. “I didn’t bother to ask what they’re serving tonight, do you know?” he mumbled, leaving the question open for anyone to answer.

Phil could tell Dan was upset beside him, and it brought worry back to the forefront of his mind. Was this a bad idea? Did Dan want /more/? Was Phil far deeper than he'd ever intended to be? He didn't know, but Dan was beginning to present sign's that terrified Phil. Now was not the time to have this revelation. One of them needed to be okay. "He's just got a case on his mind," he reassured Dan's parents, smiling softly at them and reaching out to grasp Dan's elbow, rubbing at the skin gently. "Five courses tonight, dear, don't you remember how things are? The main courses are steak and crab, though. Are you sure you're alright?" Linda asked of Dan. She was refusing to look at Phil, however, and it was clear to Phil that she didn't want to hear from him, so he kept his mouth shut as Dan reassured his parents once again. "You aren't fighting already, are you?" Linda asked sweetly, and Phil bristled. Dan's father was pointedly looking the other way now, to avoid being involved in this mess, and Phil couldn't blame him. Still, Phil wasn't going to take that lying down. "Excuse me, ma'am, but even if we were fighting, I don't see how that would be any of your business. I'm sure you know how it is with your husband," he interrupted, lacing his fingers with Dan's in a show of solidarity. Linda looked far too pleased with the idea of them fighting.

His mother sent them both a not too happy look. Dan countered with his own glare. “We aren’t fighting and I really didn’t appreciate the assumption that we are,” Dan snapped. Maybe he was feeling a bit on edge on now. He loved his mom and he respected her, but he was here to prove a point to her. That, and what if Phil /was/ actually his date. He couldn’t imagine how mortified someone else might have been. Better to set the ground rules now than later. His mother’s eyes widened some but she quickly picked up her glass and took a sip. “I was just inquiring, son,” she said calmly before glancing back at her husband. “Howard and I don’t fight very often, so I wouldn’t know.” She smiled but the other man was looking back at his phone. “You fought with me about the laundry just the other day,” he said before glancing back at her. “We’re not going to do this tonight,” he frowned back at her before setting his phone down. Now his mother looked even more taken back. It was clear nobody was on her side at the moment. “So Phil, I hope you’re enjoying yourself. Not too boring for you right?”

Phil merely gritted his teeth as Linda worded her retort in a way that still implied she believed Dan and Phil were fighting. He didn't get a chance to reply, however, before Howard was doing it for Phil, informing all of them that she definitely fought with Howard - not that that was what Phil meant about knowing what it was like with her own husband. Dan and his father worked together and seemed cut from the same mold - surely, Howard brought his cases home mentally and emotionally just as Phil was sure Dan did. "It's been a great evening so far, ma'am. Everyone's been very nice. It's been great to finally meet all the people Dan talks about so constantly. It's nearly every night with him," Phil couldn't help adding, ensuring that Dan's parents would know that they came home to each other as often as possible. He didn't care how ridiculous it sounded with Linda already knowing they hadn't been dating long. She merely blinked at him, however, and smiled. "That's great to hear, Phil. I wouldn't get too used to it, though. After all, my son is just going through a phase. As much as it might hurt to hear, dear, homosexual relationships just never work out, do they?" Phil blanched, eyes going wide in horror. He had no idea how he was meant to respond to that, but even /Howard/ was staring at his wife now, completely mortified by the words that had come out of her mouth. Before Phil could try and speak up for himself, however, Dan was speaking, voice low with anger.

“I can’t believe you,” Dan hissed as he tried to collect himself. He was fuming with anger at her words and how she had absolutely no shame in saying them. “How could you embarrass me like this in front of Phil? This isn’t a phase and it’s insulting and undermining that you’d say it is. I should have never told you,” Dan bit back as he leaned closer in. “I should have never told you anything. All you’ve done so far is make a mockery out of my relationship. I’m gay. I like men. That isn’t going to change. That’s just who I am,” Dan said. He knew his face was flushed with anger and he was forgetting about how inappropriate it would be to a make a scene here. Finally, he turned back to Phil. “I’m so sorry. We can leave if you want to,” he said apologetically. Phil shouldn’t have to be subjected to his mother’s ignorance, paid or not. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought him here.

Phil blinked. He'd never seen Dan angry before - not that he'd seen much of Dan, if he was honest, but /still/ - and it was kind of terrifying, the way he hissed at his mum, delivering swift but accurate comebacks that the lady most definitely deserved. Phil played the stunned card, however, wanting to appear more docile than he actually was. Dan's voice was so quiet over the music and noise of the rest of the guests that they weren't garnering an audience, at least. Phil was thankful on Dan's behalf, because he knew how hard a toll coming out had been for him. "Erm," Phil managed to get out, as Dan turned his attention back on him. "It's - I. We can - we can stay," he replied meekly, casting his gaze down to his fingers to look sufficiently hurt. Obviously, he'd much rather be back at Dan's house getting fucked by him, but he was more concerned with making sure Dan got everything he needed out of tonight, and if that meant staying a while longer, than he'd do it. It didn't seem Dan's mum was going to be convinced anytime soon, however.

The table was quiet for a while. Dan wasn’t sure if staying was the best thing, but being a partner and leaving so early wouldn’t look right. That, and Phil had said they could stay. Still, it didn’t feel right. Dan felt guilty for dragging Phil here, hurt and appalled by his mother’s words, and just tried of the event in general. Thankfully, the server came not long after. Soup and salad were brought to the table, and Dan was relieved for at least some kind of distraction. He watched his mother carefully. She still seemed shocked by what Dan had said. He was pleased with that much. He didn’t care if he’d hurt her feelings by saying what he had. He felt like she’d practically destroyed his own feelings. His Dad on the other hand just looked disappointed and equally as hurt.

The rest of dinner went by so quietly, Phil actually thought they could hear a pin drop at their table. Even Dan didn't say anything after Phil assured him they could stay. Dinner was served in five courses, just as Linda had said it would be, and all four of them ate in silence. From time to time, Dan would reach over and very obviously touch Phil's hand in an act of reassurance, and Phil would smile back at him. Occasionally, Howard would speak up as well in order to address Dan, but the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The only sounds came from the rest of the hall, but they seemed so far away and removed from the horrible atmosphere of the Howell table that they might as well have not been there at all. Eventually, dessert was served, and then a speaker was moving to the stage at the front of the room not far from where they were sat. Glancing at Dan, Phil realized he and Howard were probably going to have to give a speech now. Phil would feel nervous about being left alone with Linda if he didn't have a few choice worse he'd like to say to her. As he'd suspected, Dan reached out to squeeze his hand, and then his and his father's name were being spoken and they both got up to the sound of loud applause. Linda and Phil turned to each other at the same time, Linda with a look of pure anger on her face that faltered only when that look was returned to her full force. Before Linda could speak, Phil had opened his mouth. "Look. I can't imagine you of all people understand what it's like to come out, but Dan's been working through this for ages, and it was hard enough for /him/ to recognize that he was gay, let alone have his own mother denying it for him. I don't care what your feelings towards me are, and I don't care what your feelings towards homosexuality are. Dan is your son, and he deserves far more respect than you're giving him." "Do you even know my son?" Linda snarled back. "He's been a hit with the ladies since he was sixteen. I can't tell you how many times I've walked into his bedroom and he had a women in his arms. I've been taking out his trash since the day he was born. You think I haven't seen the used condoms? The tissues? The dirty magazines? My boy isn't gay. It's nothing but a phase, and you'd do well to remember that. To be quite honest, young man, I'm not entirely convinced you're even his boyfriend. You think I'm dumb? I see right through you and my boys shenanigans. Come on. Tell the truth now. Did he hire you? Is he afraid of commitment? Does he want me to stop pushing him to get married at so young an age? I know this whole thing is a ruse." Phil could only shake his head angrily, terrified that the women was getting so close to the truth about Phil being hired, but more frustrated that she could be so against Dan's sexuality that she would go to such lengths to prove it was /fake./ "You, ma'am, are an idiot," Phil replied, not bothering to reply to her accusations, as he could see Dan sending quick, nervous glances their way, and he was sure there speeches were nearly over. "I love your son very much. Clearly more than you do. Nothing you say is going to change that."

The only good thing about having to stand up and walk on stage was the fact he was too angry to be nervous now. He stared at his table from his from the stage, although it was harder to see what was actually going on. It wasn’t long before a hand on his shoulder reminded him that he needed to look at the crowd and smile brightly. “Thank you all for being here tonight. It’s been an amazing year here, and as all of you know, it’s a very special year. We’re turning twenty-five, and I couldn’t be happier to share this event with you all,” Howard said as the sound of clapping rang out. Dan had to force himself not to look back where his mother and Phil sat. He could only imagine what she was saying to him. “We’ve dedicated our lives to servicing our community and our clientele,” Dan’s father spoke, but Dan was quickly losing track of the speech he was giving. Instead, he’d allowed himself to look back at where he’d been seated. He could vaguely make out some kind of conversation happening. He knew he couldn’t do anything at that exact moment. Instead, he needed to be present. He looked back forward and flashed another appreciative smile. His father was mentioning some people by name and giving out special thanks before he eventually stepped back and let Dan say a few words. “Year after year I’ve watched the firm grow, and it always humbles me. I’ve seen the work we’ve all done here and I think the biggest thank you should go out to everyone here tonight. You’ve all played a part in bringing us this far,” he said, trying hard to sound professional and present. Like he wasn’t dying to run off stage and demand his mother tell him what she’d just said to Phil. “To another great year,” he smiled before stepping back again. There was another round of clapping before Dan was finally able to slowly make his way back down.

Linda shut up after that, but it was obvious to Phil that she was fuming. He ignored her, trying to pay attention to what was happening on stage and garnering that the firm was just turning twenty-five, and that Dan was a sweet talker. He definitely had the tongue of a lawyer. He also looked very attractive up on stage like that, head held high and small smile on his face. Phil had the feeling Dan's mind wasn't really there, though, as there was a frown line between his brows that told everyone that Dan had something else on his mind. Finally, finally, the speeches were over, and Dan and his father returned to the table. Immediately, Phil reached over and kissed Dan on the cheek and took his hand in his, lacing their fingers as he turned a smile onto Howard. He didn't miss the way Linda's eyes flashed at him, but he ignored it. "Congratulations on twenty-five years. I can't believe I never mentioned it! I didn't even think to congratulate you. Those were great speeches," he added sweetly, squeezing Dan's fingers. They needed to talk after this, and soon, because Phil wanted to help Dan, but he didn't know /how/ at this point. Linda didn't believe their story. She might not /ever/ accept Dan was gay. Phil wanted to be there for Dan so badly, but it was hard when Dan was his client and he was never meant to develop feelings. This had never really happened before. He'd become attached to clients because they were good in the sac, but he'd never, ever, wanted to get to know someone or help them outside of their beds. It was nerve wracking to Phil. He didn't want to give up sex with Dan, but he couldn't be his friend if Dan was his client, and Phil didn't want to give up his job, but he had the feeling that if they ever did move their relationship beyond Phil's job, Dan would want to either put an end to the sex, or have a real relationship. Dan didn't seem the type to share, but Dan also didn't seem the type for a friends with benefits kind of relationship. Phil didn't know what to do, but he was quickly realizing he was in over his head.

“Thank you,” Dan said softly as Phil congratulated him and his father. He held the other’s hand. At this point, Dan just wanted the comfort of having Phil next to him. He glanced at his watch and decided that they’d finally be able to leave soon. “Thank you, Phil. It means a lot to both of us,” Howard said, offering Phil the same pleased smile from before. Still, there was the massive elephant in the room that neither of them seemed to want to address. “I hope you can make it next year, I’m sure we’ll be seeing you before than that, though, right?” the other man asked. “Don’t let Dan make a stranger out of you,” Howard said, but his gaze had shifted from his son to his wife. Dan didn’t know how he felt about the whole thing. Could he say the night had been a success? Not really, yet he couldn’t say that it had been a complete fail either. It was clear his father liked Phil, which was important as well. Of course it wasn’t his dad he’d really needed to convince. At this point, it seemed beyond hope. Maybe if he just learned how to ignore his mother more, it wouldn’t be a problem. He could date who he wanted as long as he never brought them home. The thought made his heart sink a little. He didn’t know if she’d ever believe him or if she’d ever stop harassing him about this thing being a phase. “I guess we should be leaving soon,” Dan mumbled, his hand still in Phil’s. “It’s a bit disappointing that not everyone was as understanding as I would have liked them to be,” Dan pointed out, not needing to mention his mother directly. “Dad, I’m glad you could meet Phil tonight.”

Phil shouldn't have been as pleased as he was that Dan's father liked him and wanted to see more of him, but he couldn't change that fact as the men conversed amongst each other. Linda sat stony faced, a false smile plastered onto her face so that no one would suspect there was anything wrong with the situation they were currently in. Phil was kind of letting himself get lost in the warmth of Dan's hand in his, and it wasn't until Dan was saying they should leave soon that he realized he'd been staring in wonder at tanned skin against pale. This was a first for him, but he'd been doing it all night? Why /now/ was it so amazing to him. He looked up when Dan nonchalantly burned his mother, and watched as the women faltered, flinching. Phil almost felt bad for her, but at the same time, she'd spoken to Phil in a way that really made him angry. He could almost understand her not wanting to believe that Dan was gay, but to have her speak down on /all/ homosexual relationships was just too much. "It was a pleasure to meet you," Phil finally piped up. "I'm sure you'll be seeing me again soon," he agreed, though he wasn't /sure/. He didn't know how Dan was going to handle this situation from here on out, but Phil was beginning to think they needed a new game plan. He smiled as Dan helped him out of his seat, and then they were headed straight out of the gala, hand in hand, and avoiding those who wanted to wish them well wishes.

That had been a bit too mentally draining for Dan. He hadn’t gone there to fight with anyone, and it was sad that it had happened. He couldn’t deny that it had happened though. He didn’t stop to say goodbye to anyone or to congratulate anyone. He didn’t want to stay a moment longer than he needed to. He’d rather leave now before the situation had a chance to get worse. “I’m sorry about that,” Dan said quietly as they headed out the entrance. “I didn’t think she’d outright say what she did. I probably wouldn’t have made you come if I had known that was how it would all play out,” Dan mumbled before pulling out his car keys. “Thanks for trying though,” he sighed before unlocking the car and opening the door for Phil.

Phil shook his head at Dan's apology, not knowing why he felt like he had to. It wasn't his fault his mother was a bigot. "Hey, stop, slow down," Phil said, catching Dan's arm and dragging him to a stop before he could climb into his car. "It's okay. You couldn't have known what was going to happen tonight. If anyone should be sorry, it's your mum. No one should talk to their son or their son's partner like that," Phil stated quietly, taking Dan's face in his hands when he realized he was starting to get emotional. There were tears in Dan's eyes, and Phil didn't like that. "Shh, I'm sorry, Dan. I'm sorry that happened. You deserve better, you know? But even if she doesn't come around, you've still got your dad," he assured him, eyes flicking back and forth between brown ones. "Look, let me call Marty and then we can go home. We'll figure out where to go from there, okay?" Phil asked, waiting for Dan's nod of approval before pulling out his phone so Marty could trail them home and make sure Phil was safe. As soon as Marty pulled up, Dan and Phil climbed into Dan's car, and they headed home. Phil was waiting for the right moment to tell Dan that his mum had seen straight through their charade, and when the time came, he would help the man figure out a game plan. He wasn't going to throw Dan to the dogs. He was in need of something to help him get through this. Coming out was hard enough. Phil didn't want Dan to be alone.

Dan wished he knew the words to express how he felt. He didn’t want to admit just how devastated he was feeling. Not only that, but embarrassed about how his mother had acted in front of Phil. So he wasn’t really Dan’s date; that didn’t change how he felt about it all. Phil was understanding though. He wasn’t angry or frustrated with Dan like he could have been. He wasn’t telling Dan what an awful time he had and how he didn’t get paid nearly enough to handle his mother. He wasn’t demanding to know where Dan got the nerve to bring him to something like that. He was just understanding, calming as ever, and it helped Dan relax enough to wait for Marty before they could take off home. Dan drove in silence for a while, letting himself dwell over his thoughts. Eventually, he pulled into his parking space and shut the car off. He sat for a moment longer before looking over at Phil. He he knew what he wanted. Without bothering to hesitate, Dan pulled Phil into an opened mouth kiss, licking into his mouth and sighing hotly as their tongues met almost instantly. Dan couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He wanted more, and knowing that he couldn’t have it made his heart ache even more than it already did. He didn’t know if he should dare to entertain the thought of maybe possibly having something more, but he knew he wanted Phil, and not just in a sexual tense. He wanted a real true connection.

As hard as it had been for Phil to sit still with heat and need seeping through his veins all night, he'd thought he'd be able to handle waiting for sex a little while longer with the emotional climate of the car and Dan and the situation they'd just gotten out of. He wasn't a monster. He knew Dan wasn't going to want to jump straight into bed with him - and yet there he was, still sitting in Dan's car, and Dan was devouring him like he couldn't get enough of him. Dan had yet to take control like this while they were having sex, not even in kissing, so to have Dan pull him into him with such desperation was a shock to Phil, who gasped in pleasure, fire shooting through him immediately. His fingers laced through Dan's hair before he could stop himself, before he could stop Dan, and then Dan was trailing heated kisses up and down Phil's jaw and neck, making him burn with need. He'd never experienced Dan like this. He gasped, moaning loudly as Dan reached out for him, fingers lacing through Phil's hair. He was mouthing at Phil's collarbones now, and Phil thought he was going to die. "Please, please, please," he begged not even sure what he wanted, but Dan felt so /good/ on him. Phil didn't even care if he /did/ leave a mark, and wasn't that a terrifying thought? He didn't have time to counter it before Dan was pushing him back into his seat and straddling him. Phil whined, unable to say anything else as Dan's mouth landed back on his, his tongue down his throat, and Phil was so fucking /hard/. "Dan!" he moaned, gasped, writhed, bucking his hips and holding tight to Dan's hips.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Dan knew this position wasn’t that comfortable. One knee was bumping into the seat belt buckle, and the other was close to hitting the door handle. Dan couldn’t care less though. His lips were pressed against Phil’s and his tongue was running over every surface inside of Phil’s heated mouth. He ground down against Phil, knowing just how hard he was under him. Dan wanted every single part of Phil to himself, and for a moment, he didn’t think he could breathe. Was this what it felt like to fall in love? He wanted to pull away and stare into blue eyes and let himself melt. He didn’t care about how the gala had went, he didn’t care about his mother’s harsh words and ignorance. If he could live forever in this moment with Phil, he would. Nothing else mattered to him. He finally pulled away from Phil only to press his lips to his earlobe, nibbling and teasing with his tongue. “You’re so hot like this,” he whispered softly as he brought his hips down against Phil’s once again. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore, but he’d decided that he could probably figure it out. He wanted to confess every feeling he was having at the moment with Phil, but Dan also knew that would be the biggest mistake of his life. He was a lawyer, and he could lie like the best of them. He just wanted to be with Phil, and if that meant never admitting to loving him, he could do that.

Phil cried out when Dan bit down on his earlobe, licking and sucking at it as he spoke hot words into Phil's ear. Phil, for his part, felt like he might actually die. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, and his cock hurt so fucking bad, and he desperately never wanted Dan to stop touching him. "Please, please, Dan. Please, touch me, please, I need you so fucking bad," he groaned, fingers digging back into Dan’s hair as he rolled his hips up, literally humping Dan because he was so needy. "Just wanna come, please, Dan. Make me come, please!" he begged, shameless, because he didn't think he could wait any longer at this rate. He felt out of control, the way he always did when clients bought this package, but rather than the words usually being for show to get his client harder, this time, Phil's brain wasn't even online enough to pretend. He thought he would die if Dan didn't get him off /right now/ in the fucking car. He said as much. "Just make me come, Dan, I'll give you anything, just make me come!" he cried, screaming when Dan bit into his neck, rolling his hips back down against Phil's. Phil's fingers scrabbled at Dan's back as his eyes filled up with tears of desperation. His cock was /throbbing/ and Dan was finally grinding back down against him, and Phil - Phil was in heaven as he cried out, completely out of control.

Dan knew he shouldn’t have done it, biting at Phil’s neck that was, yet he couldn’t stop himself. If Phil was angry at him, he certainly wasn’t letting it show. Instead, his fingers were pressing into Dan’s back and he was crying out in pleasure. He’d never looked so good before. Like he’d said before, Phil was pure sex. The other had taken care of him so many times before, it was nice to finally have the chance to take care of Phil for a change. “Want you to come for,” Dan groaned as he forced his hips back down. His movements were rougher now and filled with purpose. “Want to watch you come undone, Phil,” he gasped before forcing their lips together. His hands were against Phil’s sides, and he was grinding against Phil like his life depended on it. He sucked at the other’s bottom lip, nipping lightly before forcing his tongue back into Phil’s mouth. All the while, he never stopped his hips from moving, his erection rubbing against Phil’s.

Phil was literally going to explode, and all Dan was doing was grinding against him and kissing him, his teeth snagging against Phil's bottom lip, but Phil hadn't come all day. No one could blame him when Dan's vigorous grinding and hot words literally made him come in his pants like a fucking teenager. The orgasm burst out of him, fire coursing through his veins as he called out Dan's name, hips bucking erratically to ride the sensation out. Dan didn't stop grinding against him even as Phil went limp underneath him, eyes having rolled back in his head at the amazing sensation of finally finding release. "Wanted you - wanted you to fuck me," Phil managed to gasp, hoping maybe, maybe, Dan wouldn't come get. That's when Phil's phone rang, and he scrambled to yank it out of his pocket, chest heaving as Dan finally stopped grinding against him. "He-heyo. Yeah. Fine," Phil gasped out before abruptly hanging up and tossing his phone to the seat beside him. He closed his eyes and just kind of floated for a minute. "Still want you to fuck me," he murmured, and blindly reached for Dan, pulling him down for another heated kiss. Already, Phil felt the heat spark back through him. He wanted to go again.

“We still have all night,” Dan said softly as soon as he pulled away, his own erection straining against his dress pants. Even though Phil had come, Dan was still needy and ready for more. “I want to-I still want to fuck you,” Dan said breathlessly. The thought alone made him throb painfully. “I want to be inside of you,” Dan admitted. He was glad it was so dark out; Phil wouldn’t be able to see the flush of color against his face. He hadn’t even realized that being inside of Phil was something he needed almost as much as he needed air. “God, you’re perfect,” Dan mumbled as he moved on to press a much softer kiss against Phil’s lips. “You always manage to get me so hard in just a short amount of time,” Dan said, his breathing finally starting to even out. If only his mother could see him now, hot and panting for Phil like he was. Not that he exactly wanted anyone but Phil to see him right now, let alone his mother. It would straighten out any ideas she had of him being straight though. No, Dan was gay. That was all there was to it. Gay, and just maybe in love with Phil.

Dan was telling him that he wanted to be inside of him, and Phil could only groan in response, because he wanted that more than he could say aloud. He needed a good fucking after the day he'd had, and though the first orgasm was always amazing, no matter how he reached it, Phil knew the next one was going to be even better. Especially with Dan inside of him. Phil groaned again at the thought, and couldn't resist grinding back up again. Then Dan was leaning in to kiss him again, calling Phil perfect, and making his heart pound in a way it never had before. Phil moaned even though this kiss was much calmer than earlier. Phil already missed the heat and aggression and power Dan how showed him mere seconds before, but this was just as good. Dan was good in general. "Fuck, Dan. I just want you so fucking bad." Phil wasn't even faking. He was so needy.

"Maybe we should go inside?" Dan suggested as he forced himself to pull away. "I mean, it's not that being out in the car isn't sort of kinky and enjoyable, I just think I'd like to do this in my bed," he joked, knowing that Phil had no real plans to stay out in the car. Even so, Dan would never be able to look at his passenger seat the same way again. His cock was still aching for release, and Dan was becoming somewhat restless now. He shoved the keys in his pocket before opening his door and stepping out. He hurried to the other side to grab Phil's door for him. It would be a struggle to keep his hands off him now. All they had to do was manage to get to Dan's penthouse though, and it would fair game again.

Phil nodded in agreement as Dan teased that they should go back up to his room for this, and grabbed for his phone as Dan climbed over him to get back out. Soon enough, he was opening Phil's door for him as well as Phil adjusted himself so the uncomfortable feeling of cum in his pants would be more bearable. "Let's go," Phil stated, taking Dan's arm to lead him back into the hotel. They grabbed an empty elevator up, for which Phil was grateful for because he was still horny as hell and wanted to be all over Dan. He pressed himself against Dan, pinning him to the far wall, and for a second, forgot he was being paid for this. For a second, he forgot this wasn't about his pleasure. For a second, he decided to let go. He opened Dan's mouth to him and took everything, sucking at his tongue and moaning against him. They were both panting, and Phil could feel how hard Dan was, straining against his dress pants. Phil was finding that he was getting excited again, and moaned lowly as the elevator doors pinged open and they found themselves almost at Dan's penthouse.

Dan was torn between being thankful that they'd finally reached his floor, and upset that he needed to drag himself away from Phil for a moment. He forced himself to pull away, his face flushed and sporting a tent in his slacks. Phil was so fuckable right then. His lips were pink and slightly swollen from the harshness of their kiss, his hair mussed in all the right places. Dan decided that it should be legal to look that good. A second later, he was pulling them out of the elevator and down the hall to Dan's place. His hands fumbled around until he grabbed his keys and shoved them in the door. He wanted Phil so badly. The moment he pushed his door open, his hands were back on the other and he was touching every where he could.

The minute Dan pushed his way into his flat, he had his hands all over Phil once again. It was obvious how much he wanted him, and Phil could only soak it in, moaning and twisting under Dan's touch, helping the man rip his clothes off of him; his slacks and then his shirt and then his pants. Before Phil could even think of making it to Dan's

bedroom, he found himself on the floor, on his back, with a fully clothed Dan sitting on top of him. "Fuck your bed," Phil moaned, and pulled Dan down for another harsh kiss. He was fully erect again, and desperate to have Dan inside of him. "Get the lube - the lube. My dress pants, get the lube!" he groaned, letting Dan go so he could grab it. In the meantime, Phil rolled so he was on his hands and knees, and began to stroke at himself, moaning at the sweet friction. The carpet was hard under his knees, but he couldn't care as he waited to stretch himself open.

Dan quickly realized just how difficult it was to be nervous when he was this hard, and yet still, his stomach flipped as Phil directed him to the lube, and he hoped he wouldn’t do anything wrong. He wanted this so badly. He quickly pulled the lube Phil had in his dress pants out, taking just a moment to think about how Phil carried it everywhere with him, including fancy galas where he fought with Dan’s mother. He smiled briefly before moving back to Phil. “Can I watch you, or would you rather me…I don’t think I’d know how to do it properly. Stretch you I mean,” Dan mumbled quietly as his eyes ran over Phil’s naked body. He was on full display for Dan. He could feel his cock twitch. He’d soon get to be inside of him.

Phil panted out a laugh as Dan fumbled over who was going to prep Phil, and sat back on his legs to take the lube from Dan. "Watch me," he agreed, groaning as his hand continued to pump at his cock. "Want you to sit behind me and watch me. Touch me anywhere you want, babe," he groaned, popping the cap before realizing they needed a condom. He shifted and turned to Dan. "Grab a condom. Undress. Be ready for me. I don't want to wait any longer than we have to," he insisted. "I'll teach you how to finger me open next time. For now, just - just - I need you," he begged, and waited for Dan's nod of agreement before he settled back on his hands and knees. He could hear Dan fumbling behind him, stripping off his clothes, and then there was a quiet gasp as Dan presumably began to stroke himself. Phil moaned at the very thought, and finally released his cock to press lube over three fingers. Once Dan was positioned behind him, hands on his hips, Phil asked "Ready? Watch me," before pushing one hand between his thighs to best reach his rim. The first finger was teasing, and he listened to Dan pant as he teased one finger at the rim. Dan's hands came down to spread his ass apart, and Phil let out a guttural moan as he immediately pressed a finger inside in response. "Can't wait for this to be you," he groaned, holding himself up with one hand as he pressed in and out of himself with the other as sexily as he could manage when he just wanted Dan /so much./ He couldn't help wanting to put on a show, though, and Dan's noises were just too good as he confidentially held Phil open, using his other hand to stroke at Phil's back and thighs.

Dan couldn’t wait either, so much so that he was starting to become a bit worried about how fast he’d finish once he finally was fucking Phil. He had to take deep breaths to calm himself. He knew that he could come just from watching Phil open himself up for him, preparing himself to take Dan’s cock deep. It was one of the most arousing sights he’d ever seen. He could feel himself start to leak already. He managed to get the condom on, though, and he even stroked himself some. Still, it was better that he wasn’t actively touching himself. The last thing he wanted was to finish as soon as they’d started. He wanted to give everything he could to Phil. He wanted this to feel amazing, and for Phil to lose it. He’d promised that he’d make up for Phil having to wait so long to have an orgasm. His hands continued to stroke Phil’s thighs and back while the other kept his ass spread. His tight hole was taking all of his fingers, and Dan really thought he might just die if he didn’t get inside him soon. He moaned again, feeling breathless, before pulling his bottom lip between his teeth to bite roughly down on it. “Fuck, Phil,” he gasped as he watched.

It wasn't long before Phil had all three fingers inside of himself, and he could feel himself clenching as he gasped, moaning out when Dan cursed. He couldn't help that he was in love with the sound, nor could he help that he was rushing this entire experience with his heavy desire to get fucked. He was panting again by the time he dragged his fingers out of himself, and he propped himself up as he said "Get inside me, Dan. Now." He was sure he sounded demanding, but why should he care when Dan was definitely just as needy as him? "Same as fucking a girl, promise. Don't be gentle. I can take it. I /want/ to take it," Phil added, groaning as he felt Dan tense behind him. And then his ass cheeks were being pulled apart again, and Dan was shifting so his thighs were pressed to Phil's, and his erection was pressing against Phil's rim. "Now, Dan!" he hissed, and cried out when Dan suddenly entered him. He dropped his head, and moaned lowly, bucking back to force Dan deeper inside.

At first, Dan felt unsure of himself, but then Phil was demanding that he be inside of him, so he slowly pushed inward. It was hardly a second later before Phil was forcing him further inside. He groaned as he was overcome with the sensation of Phil’s tight hot walls around him. “Fuck,” he gasped out as he pulled back only to immediately push back inside. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before. Phil was so much tighter than any girl he’d ever been inside of before. He started to create his rhythm; he’d pull out, and then he’d snap his hips back against Phil’s ass, finding himself deeper every time. He could hardly think straight as he moved. Phil was everywhere, and Dan felt like he was drowning in the most wonderful way. “So good,” he cried out as he held onto Phil’s hips, his fingers digging against the other’s sharp hip bones.

Phil felt full. He felt /so fucking full,/ with Dan's glorious cock filling him up, and the best part was, Dan didn't stop to check he was okay. Dan didn't stop for anything. Phil was clenching hot around him, and Dan was gone in the pleasure. Phil could feel him moaning, could feel the way his fingers were pressing into his skin, and he just let his head hang as Dan pounded into him, nice and hard. Nice and thorough. Phil's voice was gone - he could do no more than pant aggressively with his eyes closed as Dan fucked him, pushing back against the sweet pleasure each time he caught his breath for even a second. Dan's hips eventually shifted, and his cock pressed to Phil's prostate, and Phil quite literally screamed again. Dan stopped moving, and Phil thought he might die. "Move!" he panted, "Fuck me harder, right there, Dan, move!" he screamed, and then gasped as Dan did just that, fucking into Phil harder. Phil could feel his body rocking, but he didn't care. He could feel himself leaking, but he didn't care. Dan was so good and big and hot and warm, and he was /using/ Phil in the best way. Phil loved to be used as his body rocked, and he panted and gasped, arching his back, and thrusting backwards for more.

When he heard Phil cry out, Dan was sure he’d done something wrong. However, Dan didn’t have more than a few seconds to stop moving in a panic before the other was demanding that he move again, that he wanted Dan to fuck him harder. That was something he didn’t need to be told twice, and then he was pounding into Phil and hitting the same spot over and over again. His own pleasure was building, but still he wanted this to last. Dan had never felt so good before. Phil was perfect around him. So tight and hot. It had never been so absolutely earth shattering before. “Phil, fuck, I’m gonna come,” he gasped out, his eyes squeezing shut. He continued to slam into Phil, pushing in as deeply as he could. It was too overwhelming. How could something feel so amazing? Dan knew that if he literally died right then, he wouldn’t care.

"No, no, no, not yet, please, Dan! Please, not yet, hold on for me!" Phil begged, shoving himself backwards and arching his neck and back. He threw his head back, wishing he could reach around and grasp Dan's hips, but knowing if he did that, there would be nothing left to hold him up. Instead, he moaned loudly, clenching uncontrollably at the sensation of Dan fucking into him so hard. "I don't want this to end!" he cried out, feeling himself start to cry out in pleasure. He'd never felt this good before. Dan's hips were snapping against his, and his body was so warm. Phil could feel the heat of him all over, could feel Dan thrusting deeper and deeper, and wanted /more/. "Please, Dan, touch me!" he cried, rocking backwards with every thrust. "Want you so bad, want to make you come. Want to come together, Dan, please!"

Even if Dan was on the brink of his climax, he couldn’t help but give Phil anything he wanted - even if that meant holding out for him. He was breathless and lost in all pleasure as he reached around to take ahold of Phil’s cock. He was a bit clumsy at first. Eventually, though, he was able to pump Phil in time with his own thrust. Dan wanted to come with Phil just as much. It was quickly becoming the only goal Dan cared about. “So tight, so good for me!” Dan cried out as he continued to snap his hips back, sinking further and further into Phil. “Want you to come for me, Phil,” Dan panted. Phil was clenching around him and making these sounds that sent electricity straight to his cock. “Come with me, so close,” he begged.

Dan was moaning above him, and somehow holding himself off just as Phil had begged him too. His breathing turned to pants as he messily reached around to grasp at Phil's cock, but when Dan finally wrapped his fingers around Phil's cock, Phil moaned lowly and found himself chasing his orgasm even harder than he had before. He felt choked up as Dan found a rhythm, fingers choking at his cock while he drove himself further into Phil. Phil could feel him pulsing inside of him, begging for release, and it was the fact that Dan was pressing so hotly against Phil's prostate that really gave him cause to release. He panted as the build up of waiting all day caught up with him once again despite the quick and messy orgasm in the car just from Dan grinding against him, and he cried out as Dan began to speak to him. His chest was pressed to Phil's low back now that he was bent over him to stroke at his cock, and Phil could hear the aggressive smack of skin on skin, could feel Dan's heartbeat. He gasped again, crying out "Dan, Dan, Dan!" and then his orgasm was rushing over him, and he was pumping himself into Dan's tight fist harder than ever, chasing every last drop of orgasmic bliss as he felt himself explode all over Dan's fist. "Fuck!" he screamed, convulsing as he felt Dan still deep inside just for a second, signifying his release, and them the movements picked up speed once again. He didn't want the motions to stop, but his head was dizzy, and he couldn't hold himself up anymore, and /fuck/ Dan was so fucking good. "So fucking good for me," he groaned, panting as he finally collapsed.

It wasn’t long after that Dan finally allowed himself to finish with Phil. For a moment, his vision swam, and he knew he was crying out. He was coming and still thrusting in and out of Phil to ride out the sensation. He bit down on his lip just to keep himself from saying anything he might regret. Instead, Dan let himself get caught up with /the/ best sex he’d ever had. Nothing had ever even came close to topping Phil. His limbs were shaking and it was getting harder to hold himself up. Still, Dan didn’t know how to fully let go of the feeling. Eventually, he managed to slowly pull out, watching himself slip out of Phil as he did so. He let himself fall back against the floor next to Phil, his breathing still heavy and his head light. “I wasn’t too rough was I?” Dan finally mumbled as he looked over at the other. Phil was spent and flushed, but Dan loved it, loved how he looked so perfect like that.

The sound of Dan's voice above him shouting his name, made Phil moan again, even as he felt himself floating in bliss. Dan's thrusts continued for a while, but Phil didn't even care, it still felt so good. Eventually, Dan's movement came to a stop above him, and then Dan was pulling out and collapsing to the floor as well. "No," Phil managed to huff out, wincing as he went to roll over. He came to a stop on his back, eyes closed and limbs spread out. He could feel the rug burn already forming on his knees and shuddered as he realized he might have gotten carried away. It wouldn't be the first time Phil was leaving a clients home with bruised knees, and it wouldn't be the last. At the very least, Dan wouldn't be charged for that. "'S perfect," Phil mumbled. He was sticky with sweat and still trying to come down from the high that was so blissfully perfect after waiting all day. Dan was fucking amazing. It amazed Phil that Dan had been wasting so much time fucking girls when he could have had this. And Phil was the first man to ever experience Dan like this. "Want to do it again," Phil groaned, laughing because he knew Dan wouldn't have another round in him. "We should probably get in your bed now. And you might want to take off the condom."

Dan finally managed to catch his breath before glancing over at Phil. “We can do it again sometime else, right?” he asked before moving to roll the condom off. “Maybe this time on the bed. I imagine your knees are skinned up now,” he frowned before forcing himself to sit back up. The floor was starting to make him ache. It wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but Dan knew his bed was better. Now all he wanted was to cuddle up against Phil and hold him close. He wondered if Phil thought lying in bed and holding each other was overrated. Still, Dan couldn’t think of anything he’d rather be doing. He wanted to reach out and touch Phil now. Soft and gentle, the exact opposite to how he’d just been. Dan had always enjoyed affection after sex. Now he needed it.

Phil smirked and rolled to look at Dan. "Course we can," he agreed. "You think I'm going to let you keep that from me now that I know you have it in you? I think not," Phil scoffed. Then he seemed to remember himself, and his smile fell. "If you want it, of course. I'm your call boy, Dan. I do what you want," he insisted, and then propped himself up. "My knees will be fine, but I would enjoy a bed right about now," Phil agreed, watching as Dan rolled his condom off, tying it at the end. Phil stood, already missing the sensation of being fucked, but helped Dan up. "Come on," he invited, smiling softly again. "Let's get in bed. We have some things to talk about."

Dan didn’t have to ask what they needed to discuss. He knew it was all tied back to how the evening had went. At least he knew Phil wasn’t angry with him. Dan led them back to his bedroom, glad that he’d made the bed up beforehand. He would have offered Phil something to sleep in again, but if Dan was honest, he didn’t really want him to wear anything. He’d be more than happy with just skin to skin contact for a while. He flipped on the side table lamp and pulled the blanket and sheets back. He wasted no time crawling in and pulling Phil down with him. Dan could imagine himself doing this every night. He’d never tell Phil that though. Not if he wanted to keep these few select nights at all.

Phil willingly went into Dan's bedroom with him, collapsing into bed as Dan dragged him down with him. Those few hours of bodily contact were becoming something Phil craved, though he never had before, and he immediately settled himself to straddle Dan, resting on top of him with his head in Dan's neck. It pleased him to be naked with Dan still, and warm in bed. He tried to pretend none of this was frightening. "Your mother knows. That we aren't really together, I mean. Or at least she suspects. I didn't tell her, of course. Dan...I don't want to leave you with this mess. I - I'm not supposed to get attached, but you've always been kind to me. And this kind of thing matters to me. I don't want to just leave you to handle this alone, but I don't... I don't know how else to help you."

Dan’s heart sunk as Phil told him what his mother thought of their relationship. He sighed softly. He knew this was a long shot. “Phil, you don’t have to worry about this. I can’t ask you to try and help sort this out. You tried, and that was more than I ever should have asked for. I really appreciate too, I mean. I don’t think anybody else would have been willing to go as far as to pretend to be my date,” Dan smiled sadly back at Phil. He could figure something out. If he was honest, he didn’t know how Phil could help him either. Unless he wanted to keep up the ruse and prove their point. He swallowed thickly. No. That wasn’t something he could ask, never. Phil was already breaking the rules for him as it was.

It hurt Phil to see that look in Dan's eyes, that frown that he tried to hide as he assured Phil that he didn't have to help. Propping himself so he could better look Dan in the face, Phil cupped his cheeks with his hands. "Listen, Howell. Regardless of my job and what I'm supposed to be to you, I care about you, okay? It's not supposed to happen, and it's not like I've gone and fucked up by falling in love with you, but you must have rubbed off on me at some point, because whether it's my concern or not, I care how your coming out goes. I know not everyone is as lucky as me, and I /hate/ to sit by and watch people crash and burn. So let me help. I don't know how, but let me help."

He didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever offered to help Dan in such a way. Normally, it was Dan who was doing what he could to assist someone else. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt so cared about. Phil didn’t have to do these things, and he knew he didn’t. “Do…do you think you could come to more events with me?” Dan asked hesitantly. “If you don’t want to, it’s okay, I mean it. But I think it would help. At least it wouldn’t hurt, right? If she sees me with you more, she’s going to have a harder time denying that we’re not together. At least this way I’ll have a bit more leverage,” he mumbled. He hated asking, but Phil was offering and Dan really didn’t know what else to do.

Dan was definitely right about that. Whether his and Dan's fictional relationship /lasted/ hardly mattered so long as they had longevity on their side. Maybe, before they "broke up" the could manage to convince Dan's mum that there was no denying this. Dan was gay. Dan and Phil would manage a fake relationship as long as they could, and then Phil would let it go. The longer they lasted, the less Dan's mum would have to go on, and even if she did continue to deny Dan, Dan probably would have already found a new boyfriend, a real one, to help him instead of Phil and to prevent Dan's mum from trying to interfere. Nodding sternly, Phil agreed. "Okay. Yeah. We can do that. I just - I worry, about how expensive the package is. To do this. And I can't go out with you if you haven't ordered a package that allows me to do so or there will be concern that feelings have gotten involved, and then I won't be able to see you anymore. But I'll try and find a better deal for you, okay? I promise. I want to do this, Dan. I want to help you. But I can't risk my job."

Dan thought for a moment as he tried to work out how to make this idea more feasible. He wasn’t going to try and deny how expensive it actually was. So far, Phil’s services hadn’t made much of a dent in his daily back account. If he was going to continue to pay for these more extravagant packages though, it would eventually catch up to him at some point. It wasn’t ideal, but it could be done. Still, Dan was trying to come up with a better option. “What if I hired you full time, like a twenty four seven kind of thing?” Dan asked as he attempted to sit up a little more. “I know you can’t lose your job, but if I could offer you something else? It would be a lot safer right? You could stay here and I’d pay you salary instead. I can’t imagine how much harder of a time she’d have trying to falsify actual living agreements,” Dan said as he stared at Phil hopefully. This could actually work. Phil wouldn’t be out of a job, he’d have a standard daily pay, he could stay with Dan, it would be safe, and his mother couldn’t try and make claims that he wasn’t gay. And Dan could have Phil all to himself. Dan shook the thought away, and tried to ignore the bloom of hope in his chest.

For a second, Phil was absolutely blindsided. He didn't even have a proper response to what Dan was saying, nor did he know how to properly react as he blinked. Dan was shifting underneath him, though, to the point where he was practically sitting with Phil still on top of him. Phil's jaw dropped open, his eyes going wide, and he could only stare for a moment as Dan stared at him like this was the best idea he'd ever had. "What?" Phil asked, still flabbergasted as he tried to take everything in. "You want me to move in with you?" he confirmed, and when Dan nodded his head, Phil immediately climbed off of Dan. "What? No, Dan, I can't just - I can't just move in with you!" he exclaimed, horrified at the very offer. "I mean, first of all, I love my job! I love sex, Dan! If you couldn't tell after tonight, I literally cannot go one day without sex, and having to wait all day for my first orgasm was /hell./" Phil willfully neglected to mention the fact that waiting had made it about a thousand times more intense. "And besides, it's safer for me to have this job than going out every day while you're at work trying to find someone to have sex with me. I mean, yeah, sure, okay, you'd be a more steady income, and sure, ideally, it sounds great, but - but you don't even /know/ me, Dan. This has bad idea written all over it. No. I can't - it won't work. I'll - I'll figure something out, okay?" Phil knew he probably looked terrified, and he could see Dan's face falling with every word that he said, but he was right in this. Dan wasn't going to want to fuck him three times a day, and Dan wasn't going to want to share him, and Dan didn't /know/ him. Sure, it sounded good, but it was a terrible idea.

Dan couldn’t stop the surge of disappointment that rushed through him. It seemed like he couldn’t convince anyone of anything tonight. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up, but deep down, Dan knew it was what he’d really wanted. Not just because he wanted his mother to believe he was gay. Of course that did have something to do with it, but there was more to it than that. Sometimes, Dan tended to forget that Phil was an actual sex addict. That he craved it like someone craved drugs. Those were things he liked to push to the back of his mind and not think about unless he had to. He didn’t really know Phil. These past four encounters only give him so much. Still, he knew enough to know that he wanted the other next to him. He wanted Phil safe and he wanted him to himself. Again, he had to remind himself that these weren’t things he got to want. Yeah, it had meant to be just sex - It wasn’t though. “Right, no, of course, yeah sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. It probably wouldn’t have really worked anyway,” Dan quickly said as he let his minor heartbreak sink in.

As Dan quickly agreed with him, seeming sincere despite his disappointment, Phil relaxed and crawled back into his arms. He felt stupid for having moved out of them in the first place, but he'd needed Dan to take him serious in his refusal to move in with him or quit his job to work full time for Dan. He sighed, eyes wide open as he pressed against Dan. The skin to skin contact was calming, in a way. His fears from earlier that night, that Dan was getting too attached, flitted through his mind, but he didn't want to think about that when he was already rattled from Dan's suggestion. Part of him knew it could be a great idea - he'd have more freedom than he did at work, and he'd maybe be able to be-friend Dan. But at the same time, he understand Dan's heart far too well. He was a sweetheart. There was no way, no way in hell, that Phil could live with him, have sex with him, and not have Dan fall in love with him. He sighed. "I'll work it out, okay? I'll do what I can," Phil whispered. "Let's just. Lets just go to bed."

While it was good to have Phil back in his arms, it was still painful. What he wanted was being dangled right in front of him just out of reach. He could feel Phil’s skin against his, yet he was just as far as before. “Yeah, let’s sleep,” Dan agreed as he reached over to turn the light off. He was tired. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. All the stressing out he’d been doing was taking its toll on him. That, and the mind blowing sex he’d had didn’t help much. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his mind. His thoughts swirled around while he willed them to stop. He tried to calm himself with the knowledge that he could call Phil anytime he wanted, and he’d be over. Yeah, he’d have to pay for that company, but so what? It was better than being without Phil. He didn’t think he could do it now. If Phil was a sex addict, then Dan - and he hated to say it - was a quickly becoming a Phil addict. Eventually, his breathing evened out and he was able to let his mind shut down. His arms were still tight around the other as he drifted off to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
> This Part: 17,103 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : homophobia, homophobic parents, punishment, non-consensual punishment, whipping, physical harm, degradation, clients who do not play by Phil’s rules & clients who disrespect call boys, grinding

Dan fell asleep first. Phil's mind was too busy working over the logistics of doing what Dan had offered and staying with him full time to help him. The thought was terrifying but amazing, because Phil had already gotten attached like the idiot he was. He didn't fall in love, though. Not after what had happened to him. Not after what had driven him to be a call boy in the first place. He knew there was no danger of that, at the very least. That didn't keep Dan safe though, and that didn't ensure Phil a job once Dan /did/ fall in love - with him or someone else, it hardly mattered. Phil would have to leave when either event occurred. There would be no other choice, and he /doubted/ the agency would take him back if he left them to work full time for a client he'd gotten too attached to. Still. Phil was desperate to help Dan now that he'd seen what his mother was like. He couldn't leave him to face this alone. Sure, he had his father, but it was difficult to be rejected by someone you loved. Especially family. Phil had heard too many horror stories to not help Dan through his. And even if Dan's mum never came around, it wouldn't matter if Dan had the proper support system. At the very least, Phil could make the transition easier for Dan by being there for him, by protecting him and standing up for him when his mother inevitably went too far. No. Phil couldn't take Dan up on his offer, but he could continue to go to events with him. He could meet Dan's family and pretend this whole charade was a kink that Dan had, a way to get him off, so the agency would never know the difference. Eventually, Phil fell into a restless sleep, and he kissed Dan goodbye in the morning. Once he was gone, he tried not to miss the feelings of Dan's arms around him, or the craving he had just to be with him, because that - that was just out of the question.

\--

Their goodbye went as usual. Dan had gotten into the habit of dreading the morning. It didn’t matter how much he wished the night would last longer, it never did, and he was once again forced to say goodbye. Right at eight, Phil had gotten dressed and made his way out of Dan’s place. He knew all he needed to do was call and he’d be there. Phil wasn’t leaving his life, not really. Still, it stung his heart in the worst way possible. Dan almost wished he could spare himself these feelings for Phil. Was it really love? Dan could assume so. He’d never felt anything like it before. When Phil wasn’t here, he spent his time wishing he was. When Phil /was/ there, it was like the other became everything to him. Phil was his center of gravity, and Dan was just trying to hold on. He didn’t care if they had sex or not. The sex was nice, but Dan could simply watch movies, have dinner, talk about nothing at all, and he’d still be just as happy.

It was this thought process that made Dan stay in bed for the rest of the day. In fact, he called in to work the next day as well. It wasn’t like him to miss work when there wasn’t something wrong. He wasn’t sick or having an emergency - unless you counted his emotional crisis as his emergency. Either way, he wasn’t going in. He spent the day wondering around his too large place. It was nice when Phil was there. It felt like just the right size. When he was gone though, it was empty and too lonely for Dan. He couldn’t bring himself to get up and do much of anything.

The next afternoon, Dan received a phone call from his mother. He stared at his phone from his spot on the sofa and sighed. Part of him didn’t want to answer. He didn’t have much to say to her anyway. The other part of him still respected her, and he forced himself to at least find out what she wanted from him. He gritted his teeth as he swiped his finger across the screen. “Hello?” he asked, frustration clear in his voice. Dan had made sure of that.

“Dan, are you alright? You didn’t go into work yesterday,” his mother said. Her voice was calm and normal, but Dan could hear the concern there. He frowned as she continued to speak. “You don’t call in very often. I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong,” she mumbled while Dan shifted further against the sofa.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just recovering from all the awful things you said at the gala the other night,” Dan snapped. He was still angry and hurt. He considered her lucky that he’d even made himself answer her call at all. He didn’t understand how she could have said those things right to Phil.

“You aren’t gay,” she huffed, annoyed but obviously trying to keep her own cool. “Listen, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I was only trying to be honest. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself, though. You aren’t gay Dan, and I know you aren’t really with Phil like you said you were. You’re my son, I know these things,” she explained while Dan rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what the meaning of this is, but I’d like to talk it out with you.”

“Would you stop saying I’m not gay!” Dan nearly barked into his phone. “You don’t get to decide that for me. You can’t tell me that this is just some kind of phase. I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m twenty-four, and this isn’t going away,” Dan hissed, feeling even more frustrated.

“Son, please! Just have lunch with me so we can talk this out. I hate fighting with you, and I’m worried, that’s all. I love you. Please give me the chance to explain myself. Hear me out, that’s all I ask for you. You can give me that at least, can’t you, Dan?” she sighed this time. Dan could hear the sincerity and hurt in her words. It didn’t suddenly make him happy again. It was a good place to start though.

“Fine, one lunch. That’s all I’ve got for you right now,” he mumbled. That was how one of the worst lunches he’d ever had came about.

The first thing that should have tipped him off was the fact that he was going home to his parents’ house for lunch. Maybe she’d planned it that way so she could save some face, Dan didn’t know, but he was trying his hardest to be civil with her. He still loved her regardless of the disaster of a night they’d had.

What made it worse was the fact that his father was actually at work and wasn’t home to keep the peace. His mother had set the table nicely and already had a simple meal of soup and sandwiches set out for them. Dan pulled out his seat and watched as she did the same. For a long while, he listened to his mother ramble on about something one of her friends had done; she was a gossip like that. It kept her from going on about sexual orientation though. Dan couldn’t stop from wondering when she was going to bring it up though.

Of course, eventually she did. At first, it was just a few loosely thrown comments before she was addressing it all together. “Dan, why are you doing this? I know you aren’t actually dating Phil. You’ve always been so popular with the girls. It’s not as if you couldn’t have some beautiful woman falling for you in a heartbeat. I see the way they look at you. You’re handsome, educated, kind, you have a great career, and you have your whole life set out in front of you. I don’t want you to ruin that for some silly phase. Don’t you want to settle down soon and have a family all your own?” she asked, setting her glass down as she looked desperately at Dan.

“Mom, stop. I told you, I’m gay. That’s just the way it is. Why can’t you accept that? I’m all of those things you listed off. Me liking guys doesn’t ruin my life, it only means I don’t want to sleep with woman. I can still have a family, and I still have a good job. You’re acting like I’ve done something horrible,” he scoffed as he set his own cup down.

“I’m not saying that being gay is wrong!” she said before throwing her hands up. “I’m saying that /you/ aren’t gay. /My/ son isn’t gay. I just want to know how this all transpired! What made you feel like you had to experiment after all these years?” she frowned before shaking her head.

Dan didn’t know how much more of this he could take. It was rejection no matter how she tried to defend herself. How could she not believe him over this? All of things she could accuse him of lying about, she had to pick this one. “I love Phil. He makes me happy. Instead of trying to change this, you should be happy too! You think I’d choose to be gay, you think I want to fight with you?!” he yelled standing up from the table. “Do you really think I get to pick this, or that in a couple months I’ll decide that I do like woman?” Dan burst out as he tried to get ahold of himself. Those defiantly weren’t tears starting to form in his eyes. “I wish you’d just get it through your head that I like men,” he mumbled silently as he hurried to turn away from her. He knew this was a bad idea.

“Dan don’t do this! I don’t want you to waste your time trying to be happy with someone that you can’t be happy with in the long run. You need to get serious about this! This is the rest of your life we’re talking about! I want you to stop pretending, stop carrying out this silly pointless act!” she yelled back. Dan didn’t bother to respond. Instead, he was hurrying out the back door. He couldn’t sit there and listen to another word his mother said. Not right now, not until he could collect himself.

He hurried back to his car, slamming the vehicle’s door shut in the process. Seconds later, he was pressing his forehead against the steering wheel as he tried to fight back the wave of pain and hurt he was currently feeling. Before he could really process everything, his phone was ringing.

Dan wasn’t going to look, he was too upset, but he felt compelled to. Maybe it was out of habit that he do so - he never knew when the firm was calling after all. It wasn’t the firm's number though, or his father, or anyone else he knew. It was some strange unknown number that had never called before. Raising his eyebrow, Dan watched it ring a couple more times, contemplating on what he wanted to do, before finally answering. “Hello?” he asked into the receiver.

\--

It had been two days since Dan's offer, and Phil couldn’t stop thinking about it. He didn't know why it was plaguing his mind when he'd already decided it was a bad idea, but it was, and he was starting to notice it affecting his work. Like the last time Phil had gone without seeing Dan, he found himself comparing all of his clients to the brown haired virgin he'd let fuck him three nights before, and more times than he'd like to admit, he'd very nearly cried out Dan's name on accident. It was becoming a problem. An interference to his job.

His worry for Dan and his relationship with his mother was through the roof as well, but there were other distractions as well. Phil craved the intimacy of Dan's arms around him and the sweetness of his voice every step of the way. He missed the passion, and found himself wanting to stroke tanned skin rather than whoever happened to be under him that night. When he fucked other clients, he thought of Dan and getting to be the first person to defile him that way. He thought of the noises Dan would make for him, and the pleasure he got from Dan, and suddenly, all of his clients were giving him the best sex he'd ever had. He wasn't going to deny that he knew it was because of his thoughts of Dan, and he wasn't going to deny that Dan wasn't actually the best sex Phil had ever had, but...at the same time, there was something about him that really /did/ make it the best sex Phil had ever had.

Still, it bothered him that all he could think of was Dan, especially when he was bent over backwards, playfully being punished, because he didn't think Dan would ever be able to playfully punish him, and it was turning the whole experience into a massive turn off.

"What's my name, Phil?" The client asked, smacking his ass harder and actually making Phil wince.

"Lou-louis!" Phil cried out, arching his back into the sensation despite the fact that he wasn't enjoying it at all.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's right baby. Say my name. Remember it. I'm gonna fuck you so /hard/ when I'm done with you," Louis growled, and then his hand came down hard against Phil’s back, and Phil cried out. He hadn't been expecting that, and it hurt more than he could say.

"Tell me you deserve it!" Louis demanded, growling as he hit at Phil's back again. Phil tensed. He didn't like this. This wasn't playful at all.

"Say it!"

"I deserve it!" he cried out. Louis chuckled, and it was then Phil heard the sound of something leather being pulled out. He sat up, looking over his shoulder, and shook his head. "No belt - no marks,” he warned, unable to help the fact that he was beginning to sound panicked now.

"Shut up, bitch, and take it!" Louis growled, and that's when Phil really began to panic. He scrambled for his phone, hitting the panic button the minute his fingers curled around it, but it wasn’t going to be fast enough and he knew it. He was going to have to fight.

The belt came down against Phil's ass and then his back, and he was crying out in pain now, horrified that this was actually happening. His fingers tightened around his phone, and he rolled off of the bed before Louis could get him again or pin him down.

"Get off me!" Phil growled, struggling to get away as Louis came at him, panting as Louis struck out and hit his chest with the belt this time. Phil stood, charging at Louis despite his own fear, and grabbed at his hands. He fought at him, even as Louis managed to hit him again, and again, and again, the belt striking hard against the skin of his back. Phil feared it was going to welt.

He had just managed to wrestle the belt from Louis’ hands when the door crashed open, and Marty appeared inside with a gun and a badge. He was shouting, and Phil could hear sirens in the distance, and he shivered as he realized he was safe now.

\--

The agency tried to make him take a break, but the next day, Phil was getting ready for his next client. He'd shaken off what had happened as if it were nothing, because to him, it was nothing. Phil had been pushed too far by clients before, and he knew his wounds would heal, so was it a big deal? No, and definitely not a big enough deal for Phil to give up work. He was fine. He kept reassuring them he was fine, but they weren’t listening. Rolling his eyes, Phil got ready anyway.

Marty drove him as always. He made Phil swear to call if there was any trouble, and Phil rolled his eyes again. He assured Marty anyway, and stretched as he got out of the car. A few whippings from a belt weren't going to scare Phil off from what he needed, and what he needed most was sex.

It wasn’t as if it hadn’t happened before. Phil wasn’t a stranger to these things, and he never would be. It was all just part of the job. He’d tried to explain to the agency, but they never listened. No matter how many times Phil went through this, they wouldn’t listen.

He was upstairs and a in a new man’s arms in no time, slowly seducing him with lazy kisses that turned heated fast. His name was Mark or something, Phil didn’t know, but he was groaning it out as a heated mouth pressed into his neck.

/Dan does it better,/ Phil couldn’t help thinking, berating himself once again when he caught himself thinking of Dan. He shook his head, and reached out to caress Mark’s skin.

“Sexy, sexy man,” Phil growled playfully, enjoying the way the words made Mark smirk.

“You like what you see, baby?”

“Definitely.”

Phil pulled Mark’s shirt over his head first, stripping him down and getting on his knees in order to suck him off, hoping and praying that the marks on his back and chest wouldn’t turn the man off when he did eventually undress Phil, because Phil had been right last night. They had welted and bruised, and they hurt, but not as much as Phil’s cock did when he hadn’t gotten off in a few hours.

He hadn’t gotten off in a few hours.

“God, fuck, your mouth is so hot,” Mark muttered, tugging on Phil’s hair. Phil grinned around him, and reached into his own jeans to jerk himself off.

“Did I tell you you could touch yourself?” Mark accused. Glancing up from under heated lashes, Phil shook his head and let himself go. “Thought so. You’re mine tonight, bitch,” he growled, and jerked Phil’s head down further.

There was nothing new to this, and yet Phil found himself wincing.

For the first time, he didn’t like it.

Still, he got himself through the blow job with relative ease, and then Mark was pulling Phil’s shirt off over his head.

Phil didn’t miss his lecherous grin as he reached out and pressed his fingers into the tender parts of Phil’s chest. Phil hissed.

“What’s this? Who did that to you, pretty baby?” he asked.

Phil shrugged, eyeing the man warily.

"Someone who didn't play by the rules."

"Baby. No one has to play by your rules. That's why we hire you. To take you. To do with as we wish,” the man disagreed, digging his nails into the tender flesh. Phil jerked away, hissing.

“That’s not how it works,” he disagreed, mind immediately flashing over to Dan, and the way Dan /always/ took care of him, treated him with respect.

Mark laughed. “You think so?” he asked, taking a threatening step forward. Immediately, Phil reached for his phone, and Mark immediately backed off hands raised defensively in the air.

“You hired me, yeah, but you still have to respect me,” Phil demanded. “You still have to play by my rules.”

Mark scoffed, and all Phil could think of was Dan and the gentle cadence of his voice, his gentle hands and the worry that flashed across his face every time Phil revealed just that little bit more about his job.

“Maybe I do have to play by your rules, but I sure as hell don’t have to respect you. You’re just a glorified whore.”

The words were the last straw for Phil, and before Mark could do or say anything else, Phil was storming out of his room, shouting over his shoulder that he’d get the man a refund.

Phil didn’t have to be treated that way. He’d been offered another option, and after the last two nights, why shouldn’t Phil take it? He’d said this was all just part of his job, that he was used to it, and that he wouldn’t let it keep him from what he wanted, but was Phil really getting what he wanted by having sex with all these men? No. No, he wasn’t because not one of them cared whether or not Phil got off except the ones who wanted to eat his cum. Even the ones who wanted Phil to fuck him didn’t give a shit if Phil came. The minute they finished, they were pushing Phil away whether he’d finished or not.

Dan…Dan always took care of Phil. He’d given him a blow job, and Phil didn’t care if that was because Dan had said he’d wanted to learn for his future partners, he’d still given Phil a blow job, and he’d taken every ounce of Phil’s cum, and he hadn’t stopped when he’d thought he’d learned enough. He’d continued to suck Phil off until Phil had reached orgasm.

And the other night, when Dan had kissed him in the car, he’d let Phil beg for him, and then he’d grinded on him until Phil had come apart underneath him.

With Dan, not everything was about Dan.

Phil didn’t want to do this anymore. He couldn’t do this anymore

Before he knew it, he was standing outside with his phone pressed to his ear, waiting for Marty to pick up so he could come pick him up.

“Phil? What’s wrong, did something happen?”

“Not exactly. Come get me. I quit.”

“What? Phil, what the hell do you mean, you quit?”

“I mean just what I said Marty. I don’t want to do this anymore. I quit.”

“You can’t just quit, Phil! You can’t just leave in the middle of a client! What are you thinking!? I knew we should have forced you to take a few days off –“

“It’s not about that, Marty, I just don’t want to do it anymore! I’m done! I’m over it! I’m sick of being treated this way! Just – come and pick me up, I’ll pack my shit, and I’ll go. That’s the end of it,” Phil demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn’t going to argue. He’d made up his mind.

“And where the hell are you going to go on such short notice, Phil? With your little sugar daddy, Dan? Don’t think I haven’t noticed what you’re doing with him. He didn’t take you to that gala the other night because he wanted to show you off, and you /knew/ that. How long have I been your driver? Don’t you think I know when my call boy is falling for someone? I’ve been covering for you for weeks, Phil. I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the way you act when you have to leave him in the morning. I don’t know what’s going through your mind, Phil, but I’ve been in this business twice as long as you have. If you really think Dan’s going to want you once you give yourself up to him, then you’re sorely mistaken, and if you do this, they’ll never let you come back. I promise you, Phil. If you quit, and that man picks you up, you’ll never get a job as a call boy ever again.”

Phil could hear the car engine in the background, and his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. His hands were shaking, and he was /so/ fucking angry he thought he would burst. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Not to Marty. Not after everything he’d done for him, and not when Phil was standing on the edge. He didn’t want to do this, but he did. He had to. He couldn’t be a call boy anymore, and he should have known that when he started to catch himself becoming attached to Dan.

But he wouldn’t admit it.

“Just say the word, Phil, and I’ll forget this ever happened. I won’t tell the agency about Dan, you can have that break, and everything will go right back to normal.”

Marty almost sounded like he was pleading with Phil, and Phil knew that Marty was just trying to look out for him, but he didn’t /understand./ Phil wasn’t leaving the agency for Dan, not really. Phil was leaving the agency for himself. Dan was just a bonus, and a way out while Phil worked to find a new place to say. Dan was just a friend, and just a friend he would remain.

“I can’t do this anymore, Marty.”

“Then so be it.”

\--

Phil didn’t waste any time when he got back to his flat. His bags were packed before the hour was up, and his resignation papers were sent up to his rooms.

Phil only had one last thing left to do.

Erasing everything from his work phone, Phil left it face down on his bedside table and grabbed his own. It only took him a moment to find his most recently added contact, and then he was pressing on Dan’s cell phone number before he could talk himself out of it, his hand hovering over the resignation papers.

The phone rang for a moment.

And then a moment more.

And Phil almost thought Dan wouldn’t answer.

But then he did.

“It’s Phil. Does your offer still stand?”

\--

The last person Dan had ever expected to call was Phil. Of course he’d hoped he would, but when Dan was honest with himself, he’d known there was a very slim chance. Yet there he was, sitting in his parents’ driveway with the other on the phone, asking if his invitation was still open. “Yeah, I-yeah of course, Phil. You always have a place with me if you need it,” Dan fumbled over his words as he sat up straight. One moment, he’d been close to devastated, now he was filled with hope again. “I’ll still pay you salary and everything like that. Are you alright? Did uh…something happen?” Dan asked, worry starting to work its way into his tone. He moved so that he could place the phone on speaker before starting the car. He didn’t want to get too hopeful though. He was afraid that this wasn’t really what Phil wanted.

Phil hadn't been expecting a negative response, but he also hadn't been expecting quite the one he'd gotten. His eyes were wide as Dan promised he always have a place with him, and he thought he felt something strange happening to his heart. For a second, the feeling was so terrifying that Phil very nearly hung up, but then he remembered the last two days he'd had, and the fight he'd had with Marty. He looked behind him, saw his bags packed, and realized that it didn't matter. He'd already made his choice. "Kind of. But not like you think. I'm fine. Can you - can you come get me? I - they'll see you pick me up, and I'll never get my job back, but...this is what I want," Phil stated, gaining confidence the more he spoke. "I just - we'll talk in the car. I have conditions."

After he’d gotten directions from Phil, Dan promised the other he was on his way. Dan was nervous though, and he didn’t know why. Even though Phil had told him this was what he wanted, part of Dan still expected him to call back telling him he’d changed his mind. Not only that, but he was scared for Phil now. He didn’t know what had happened. Phil’s definition of fine wasn’t really Dan’s definition. A number of things could have happened to him. At least this way he’d actually be safe. Dan wouldn’t have to worry about him day in and day out. He wouldn’t have to think about how nice it would be to have him there. Phil would actually be there. Dan’s heart sped up some and he fumbled with the radio for a distraction. The closer he got to Phil’s agency, the more he felt his emotions jerk from one end of the spectrum to the other. He hurried to call Phil back. He had to be absolutely sure. He pulled into one of the parking spaces before calling Phil’s number back. “Phil, it’s me…I’m outside,” he mumbled as soon as the other answered. “I just want you to be sure this is what you want, though. If you aren’t sure, I can leave. You can call the agency and tell them I was harassing you or something. I really want you to come home with me, and any condition is fine with me, but I just want you to be safe. I just want you to be sure,” he said, rushing through his words.

Phil waited nervously for Dan to come pick him up, wringing his hands as he paced his room. Even after giving Dan his address, Phil hadn't been able to convince himself to sign his resignation papers. Was he making too hasty a decision? He wasn't sure, and he knew he still had time to take it back, but at the same time, all he could think about was how kind Dan had always been to him compared to the last two clients Phil had had. Just then, his phone rang. He was out of time. He picked up with trembling fingers. "Hello?" Without wasting a breath, Dan was launching into a spiel about wanting to make sure this was really what Phil wanted, and then he was offering to do anything to make this all go away if that's what Phil wanted. It was his last statement, however, that cemented everything for Phil. Dan just wanted him to be safe. Dan cared about him, and whether that was his innate sense as a kind person, or because he'd grown just as attached to Phil, Phil didn't know, but he did know that this is what he needed in life. He didn't want any more assholes like he'd dealt with the last two days. He wanted Dan. "This is what I want,” Phil insisted, and with that, Phil hung up. Without another second thought, Phil was signing the papers and heading down to Dan's car with all of his luggage, head held high.

Dan was elated. Suddenly, nothing else mattered anymore. Still, Dan knew that this wasn’t Phil saying he wanted to be with him. This wasn’t Phil saying he wanted something more than whatever it was they currently had. Phil needed help, and Dan would gladly do whatever he could to give Phil that help without asking for anything in return. Dan thrummed his fingers against the wheel as he waited. It wasn’t long before Phil was walking out to the car with his luggage in hand. Dan hesitated for a moment, wondering who exactly was watching, before stepping out of his car. “I’ll get the trunk for you,” Dan said softly as he moved to open it for Phil. “You’re sure you’re alright?” he asked as he reached for one of Phil’s suitcases.

Dan stepped out of his car almost immediately after Phil stepped out of the agency, looking concerned but also so sweet. Phil almost wanted to drop everything and walk straight into his arms, and he didn't know where that desire had come from. He shook it off, chalking it up to being treated so shit lately and the soft tone of Dan's voice as he quite literally forcefully took Phil's luggage from him. Two suitcases and a luggage bag were loaded into Dan's trunk quickly. "I'm fine. I'm just - done with this job," Phil assured Dan, familiar enough with the man's company and his car to willingly climb in without feeling like he had to ask. He spared one last glance back at the agency, taking in Marty's concerned and disappointed look, and then Phil was turning away and letting himself be carted off to the next chapter in his life.

“I’ll set up the guest room when we get back,” Dan assured Phil as he pulled out of the complex. He knew that Phil would need his own space, or at least he wanted to offer it. He wouldn’t have objected to sharing a bed with the other every night. It didn’t seem like the time or place to bring that up though. He didn’t know what Phil had been through or what his underlying reason for quitting was. That was another thing he didn’t know how to bring up. Dan didn’t know if Phil wanted to talk about it or if he just wanted to put it all behind him. “Do you need anything?” Dan asked after a long few moments of silence. “Should I stop at the store or anything?”

Phil shook his head, staring numbly out the front glass window of Dan's car as they drove. He knew Dan must be buzzing with questions, and he knew that he still had conditions to outline, but if was more difficult than Phil had ever imagined it would be to leave the agency. He didn't miss it, not really. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he'd started to let what happened to him, happen to him without being bothered by it. So many things that clients did and said had become the norm when Phil never should have been okay with them in the first place. Still. He'd become a sex addict, and his brother had grown concerned when he'd found out, and it had been his idea to get Phil into the agency. Even if he regretted it in a way, Phil didn't at all, because they had saved him in the end. Phil took a deep breath. "Thanks, but I don’t need anything. I - I wanted to discuss payment, actually, and I really appreciate the offer of a guest room," Phil started, trying to figure out how to start this conversation without being too awkward about it. "But I also don't want you thinking all I care about is the money."

“You just quit your job,” Dan said carefully as he glanced over at Phil before making a turn. “I know you’re going to need some kind of income. At least until you find something else you’d like to do,” he mumbled. They were getting closer to home now, and Dan was feeling unsure. Not because he was worried about having Phil there with him. No, instead he was worried about Phil being happy there. “Besides, it was only a couple days ago that I asked for you to move in. I still need someone to help me convince my mom,” he laughed lightly before pulling into the parking lot. “I wouldn’t expect you to do that for free. Or we can keep it at me just helping you for a bit, that’s fine too,” Dan added. He finally shut the car off before turning his full attention to Phil. “Either way, I’m glad you’re here. I worried about you. That probably sounds stupid, but I did. You never have to do anything you do want to here. Everything you do is your decision.”

With a jolt, Phil realized that Dan was much kinder than he'd ever expected him to be. Here Phil was, barging into his life after agreeing to Dan's offer to live with him and work for him full time, and yet Dan was offering to let Phil off the hook. He was offering to be that person who took Phil in and helped him until he found something else. He was promising Phil that he never had to do something he didn't want to again. For a long while, none of the things Phil was asked to do had been something he didn't want, but now? Lately? Phil had found himself enjoying things less and less. Turning to Dan with wide eyes as they sat in Dan's parking lot once again, Phil waited. He didn't know what to say. "It's not that - it's not that I was ever forced to do something I didn't want," he said, trembling as he realized that Dan was sincere in just wanting Phil to be safe. "You never - you didn't offer to hire me full time just to convince your mum we were together, did you? You just wanted to protect me, didn't you?" Phil's voice wasn't accusing. It was awed. Disbelieving as he stared at Dan. "And you didn't pick me up tonight to hire me. You just. Knew that I needed you, and that's all that mattered, wasn't it?" Phil felt overwhelmed. "God, you really are a saint. You're not even doing any of this for you. You don't care if you gain anything from this." Phil didn't know what else to say as he lowered his voice. "Don't lie. I'm not angry. I'm just. Surprised."

Phil was staring at him in wonder, like he wasn’t exactly convinced that Dan was a real live person. He couldn’t help but shrink back some. From day one Dan had been told not to develop any feelings. Phil had told him that he couldn’t get attached or let this become anything more than sex. He’d told the other that he wouldn’t dream of falling in love with him. Not that Phil was accusing him of being in /love/ with him or anything. Even so, he could see right through Dan. He knew that even if Dan didn’t gain anything out of this, it wouldn’t matter to him. He swallowed thickly before gauging Phil again. He said he wasn’t mad. Dan still felt like he was breaking the rules. “I just want you to be okay. I never liked the idea of the agency anyway. I know they’ve helped you a lot, and I wouldn’t have met you otherwise…but I just want you to be safe. If I can help you, I don’t see a reason for me not to,” Dan admitted quietly. “I wouldn’t say that I want /nothing/ in return,” Dan added, frowning for a moment before shifting against his seat so he could better explain himself. “At the gala, you said we couldn’t be friends. You know, because of your job and everything. They wouldn’t let you see me if you got attached. We can be friends now though, right?” He sounded ridiculous even to his own ears. Like some pathetic kid asking for friendship. Dan still didn’t even consider wishing he hadn’t said it.

For a moment, Dan's saintlike persona in Phil's mind crashed and burned as he waited for Dan to admit what he wanted from Phil. Fear shot through him like adrenaline, and he tensed, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Dan's true colors to be revealed, just like Marty had warned him. Instead, Dan dropped the shoe, and Phil deflated. Dan just wanted to be friends. Dan just wanted to keep Phil safe. Dan was...nothing like anyone Phil had ever met before. Sitting back in his seat, Phil turned his gaze out the window. "Shit. You're - wow. You're serious," Phil finally muttered, running a nervous hand through his hair. "You sure you aren't in love with me?" he teased, smirking at Dan, but immediately bowling over his own comment because he was too terrified of what Dan might say. "I - I'd really like to be your friend, Dan. I don't exactly have any," he admitted, chuckling at himself. "But if I'm being honest, part of the reason I made this decision was because I thought I could get sex out of it." Phil had to duck his head at that, feeling like a pervert in the face of Dan admitting all he wanted was fucking /friendship./ "You offered for me to work for you full time, and I thought you actually meant it. I thought it was just a business deal, and you were going to throw me to the side the minute I'd served my purpose and you found someone you truly loved to take my place. I wasn't going to ask you for a salary. I was going to ask you for sex," Phil admitted quietly. "And a room. Sex, and a room for myself. Nothing more. Just...something to replace what I left behind. Because that's really all that I left." Phil didn't know what he was going to do now. He still didn't feel like he'd made a mistake in leaving the agency; it seemed now was the time. Phil didn't want to be there anymore. He didn't want to subject himself to be treated like a toy anymore. But he'd jumped on this escape because it had been a promise of safe sex. Now, he wasn’t sure if that was still on the table.

Dan felt another wave of nervousness wash over him the moment Phil asked if he was sure he wasn’t in love. He would have tried to lie and say he was straight, but they both knew that wasn’t the case. That’s where the first half of Dan’s problems started. Thankfully, he picked up on the other’s teasing tone and playful smirk. “Friends with benefits?” he suggested, hoping that he hadn’t just made everything weird and uncomfortable. Of course he wanted to have sex with Phil. He wanted to have sex with Phil just as much as Phil wanted to have sex in general. He’d thought he’d at least let Phil know that it wasn’t about sex for him, though, certainly not if Phil didn’t want it to be. Sometimes he surprised himself with just how easily he forgot that Phil was an actual sex addict. This was why he was in the escort business to begin with. “I didn’t mean to imply that I didn’t want-uh-that I wasn’t interested in that anymore. I just, it’s…” Dan trailed off as he struggled to express himself. How did it get so hard to voice what he was feeling? “I didn’t want you to feel like all I wanted you around for was sex and to convince my mum I’m not straight. Honestly, you’re the best sex I’ve ever had. I didn’t really want to give that up, not if I didn’t have to. I didn’t know if that would be alright with you though. I don’t know what happened recently, and you don’t have to tell me anything, but I wanted to be sensitive to whatever you needed,” Dan sighed, finally feeling like he’d got his point across. It wasn’t easy, but he hoped he’d at least made some kind of logical statement. He would have understood completely if Phil decided to change his mind right then and there. Usually, Dan was articulate, smooth, and polished in everything he did. Being around Phil made it seem like he’d lost all ability to vocalize his thoughts.

Phil's head snapped up as Dan offered him something he didn't think he could truly have, and he stared at Dan with a furrowed brow. Phil had been in the escort business for five years. He knew how to read people. He thought he had a good handle on figuring out who they were, and Phil was /so certain/ that Dan wasn't the friends with benefits type of person. He stared at him as he continued to speak, wanting desperately to see into his mind, his heart, just to determine if this was safe for him or not. He wanted this, yes. He wanted to be friends with Dan, but he also wanted to have sex with him, and he didn't think it was possible he would ever fall in love. Phil didn't do feelings, hadn't for more than five years, but Dan? Dan did do feelings. Dan was driven by his feelings. Phil could see that clear as day. And yet, everything Dan was saying sounded so good. It was just within Phil's reach, and he wanted it so bad. "Nothing - nothing like that happened," he started slowly, struggling to decide what his next step was and aware of just what Dan was thinking had happened to drive Phil away from his job. He gulped, staring into Dan's eyes and wishing, wishing he could have this. All he had to do was reach out and take it. But could he trust that Dan wouldn't fall in love with him? "I want that, Dan. So fucking much. I want to be your friend, but I don't - I can't..." Phil trailed off, unsure how much he wanted to reveal. "Surely, you only think I'm the best because I'm the only man you've ever fucked?" he asked, wincing as he realized how insensitive that sounded. "I'm sorry. That's not - shit. I just. I want you, Dan. A lot. But I also care about you, and I don't mix feelings with sex. Not anymore. I just - I don't want to end up losing you, if friends with benefits isn't something - something you really want in life."

“It is,” Dan assured him. This was what he wanted. He wasn’t worried about involving feelings. Nobody was ever going to have to know that this went beyond sex and friendship for him. He’d been fine so far, he didn’t see how this could really change anything that much. Dan was already taken with Phil. He hadn’t exactly decided if this was feeling was love or not. All Dan knew was that it was as close as he’d ever gotten before. He didn’t want to risk Phil leaving him because of that. He could bury any feelings he had deep down. Lawyers could lie and Dan was no exception. “I want this, but not if you don’t,” Dan shook head. “Phil, I…I’m not going to expect you to love me, I’m not going to someday blurt out that I love you. I just want this to work out. Friends, you know? With a little more on the side. That's it. You've helped me plenty. It would be nice to help you some for a change."

Phil had no idea how it had happened, but in seconds, Dan had wiped away every last fear he had left in him regarding this opportunity. "You promise?" he murmured, leaning in as need spiked through him. Had he not just run out on his first orgasm of the day? Yeah, Phil kind of needed this ridiculously bad, and now that Dan seemed to be giving his permission, well... He licked his lips. "I'm a sex addict, Dan...but it's not safe to go around looking for partners. I'll only want you. Do you think you can handle that?" he wondered, leaning in slowly and watching Dan's pupils dilate as he did so. "Once a day at least, if not more," he continued, lips brushing Dan's lightly as he moved closer, reaching out with gentle fingers to cup Dan's cheek. "I want this too. You're like no one I've ever known. I just don't want to get your hopes up. I know you're a romantic at heart, but I don't think I /can/ love..." he trailed off as he rubbed his nose against Dan's, inhaling his smell, and feeling a raging hard on beginning to form. "Touch me," he begged, and then they were kissing, Phil's lips crashing against Dan's harshly as he gasped, finally getting some of the contact he so desperately needed. He didn't care that they were still in Dan's car. All he cared about was getting his hands all over Dan. No one had ever cared about him before. This feeling was new, and Phil just wanted to revel in it.

Dan didn’t even get the chance to promise Phil. Instead, their lips were against each other and his hands were on Phil’s sides, already slipping his fingertips under the other’s shirt. He knew the car wasn’t the ideal place for this, but he was quickly forgetting why it wasn’t. It wasn’t like the other night though - there was more of an understanding, now. Knowing that Phil wasn’t going to leave afterwards, that he’d be right there…well it felt like it changed everything. Dan didn’t want to get his hopes up only to have them crashing back down, yet he couldn’t help himself. It was just the way he was. He wouldn’t have to watch Phil leaving in the morning. He couldn’t even feel bad about his own feelings. Dan was going to let himself enjoy it while it lasted. “So good,” Dan mumbled into the kiss as he started to move his hands downwards.

Phil shivered as Dan's fingers trailed under his shirt, rubbing sweetly against his skin, and then he was whimpering as Dan trailed his fingers lower. "Take care of me, Dan?" he requested, feeling even more needy than he'd thought he would. He shifted in his seat and climbed in with Dan, uncaring that the steering wheel was pressing strangely against his calves. He just wanted to be closer to Dan. He whined again when the shift brought his and Dan's bulges together, and then he moaned outright as Dan moved his lips from Phil's mouth to his jaw. "Fuck, fuck, need you so bad,” he mumbled, pressing his fingers into Dan's jeans to undo his button and zip. He didn't even care that Dan hadn't been able to reply to any of his questions, because he hadn't given Dan a chance. He needed this too bad, and it was showing through the desperate sounds he was making.

It felt so good have Phil in his lap like that. He moaned lowly before pressing his lips to Phil’s neck, nipping lightly and pressing a few opened mouth kisses to the skin. Most of the time he’d been too worried to pay much attention to Phil’s neck, but now he was taking advantage. He was already aching in his jeans. He moved his hips upwards so that he could regain some of that amazing friction. He didn’t know if that alone would be enough though. He wanted more. Anything Phil wanted he was willing to give him. He slipped his hand down further so that he could give Phil’s jeans the same treatment as his own. He wanted skin to skin contact. “Want you,” Dan gasped as he closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to do nothing but feel.

Phil whined again as Dan nipped at his neck, and it was reflex to stop him, but then Phil realized that it didn't matter anymore if he was marked up. So instead of pushing Dan’s attention and ministrations away, he mewled softly at the sensations. As Dan fumbled at Phil's jeans, Phil tilted his head up, waiting for Dan to press his mouth to his throat. Dan did, and Phil's fingers finally wiggled past his jeans and boxers to take hold of his cock. He took the head between his fingers and played with the slit while he moaned, wrist knocking into Dan's as Dan scrambled to get into Phil's pants. "God, right there Dan," Phil begged when Dan nipped at his throat. He'd forgotten how good teeth at his throat could feel. "Wanna grind on you, skin to skin," Phil pleaded. "I want you so much. Need you," he whined, grinding down against Dan's fist while he waited for Dan to get into his pants.

Again there was just an overwhelming amount of sensations. He loved the feeling of pressing kisses to Phil’s neck. What was even better was sucking and biting though. Phil wasn’t pushing him away or telling him to stop. Instead, he was encouraging Dan, letting him know that he’d found a sweet spot. Then there was the frantic fumbling to reach down into Phil’s pants. Eventually, he managed to get the other’s cock out and into his hand. “Fuck, Phil,” Dan groaned as he slowly started to run his hand up and down Phil’s hard length. “Amazing,” he mumbled as he batted Phil’s hand away from his own cock. Instead, he pressed them both together. “You make me so hard,” he gasped as soon as he felt Phil’s cock against his own.

Phil gasped as Dan's fingers finally reached into his pants and he grasped Phil's cock, stroking it with a strong hand that enveloped him so completely. He couldn't get over how big Dan's hands were on him, and he moaned, surprised when Dan batted his hand away from Dan's cock. "What?" he asked, and then gasped as Dan grabbed both of their cocks and began to stroke them together, the head of Dan's cock pressing up under the head of Phil's. "Shit," he groaned, threading his fingers through Dan's hair now that his hands were free, and yanking Dan's mouth to his. He couldn't help thrusting up into Dan's fist, panting into Dan's mouth as his eyebrows scrunched together with his need to come. "Please don't stop," Phil begged. "Please. I need you so bad. Need this. Please, Dan, haven't been taken care of in so long," he whined, gasping as he pulled away from the kiss to throw his head back in pleasure, rocking his hips into Dan's fist in rhythm with the man's movements.

“I don’t want to stop,” Dan reassured him in breathy gasps. Dan had no plans on stopping until they had both finished. His teeth were sinking into his bottom lip again as he arched his back against seat of the car. He moved his hips a bit faster now, rocking into Phil as quickly as he could. “Gonna take care of you, want you to come,” Dan moaned, moaning loudly right afterwards. It felt so good to have Phil against him like that. He could feel his cock start to leak, his precum only slicking up their lengths. Dan moaned again as he worked their cocks at the same time. How was it that every single experience he had with Phil was mind blowing?

"Good," Phil replied with a gasp, loving the way that Dan's hand sped up at the acknowledgement of both their need. He tugged a bit on Dan's hair, wondering if he liked that as they grinded together, Dan's hips beginning to cant into the movement as well. Phil had to bite his lip as he realized that he wanted to scream out in pleasure, all too aware of their precarious position inside of Dan's car. He dropped his head into the crook of Dan's neck instead, and moaned lowly as Dan promised to take care of him. The words were a shot of adrenaline and pleasure as Phil felt his orgasm fast approaching, building so quickly Phil thought he was going to explode. His desire was through the roof as he bit softly at Dan's neck, mouthing at the skin to keep himself busy as he whimpered and moaned lowly in the back of his throat, hips shifting faster and faster against Dan as pre-cum began to leak out of Dan's member, pressing warm to Phil's cock and sliding down to coat them as Dan continued to jerk them off. Too focused on being pleasured for once, Phil couldn't even think about helping Dan as he gasped, stilling completely as his orgasm rushed through him. "Oh God," he moaned, gasping against Dan's neck again as Dan continued his own movements. Phil could feel his cum dripping down onto both of them, and the thought made him close his eyes with pleasure, his body slumping into Dan's. It felt so good to come. He never wanted the sensation to end, but he knew, soon, it would. "So good to me," Phil whimpered. "So good, Dan. Want you to come too," he whined, returning to mouthing at Dan's neck lightly, and reaching down finally to help Dan too.

It wasn’t long before Dan was following Phil. He gasped, throwing his head back as Phil mouthed at his neck. “P-Phil!” Dan moaned as he felt himself pushing past the brink. His cock was wet with both of their cum now, but he couldn’t care less. It only added to the feeling of his orgasm. He squeezed his eyes shut as he continued to move against Phil, riding out his ecstasy. Eventually, he went limp as well. He was completely sinking to the driver’s seat and his arms were going around Phil’s waist. Phil always made Dan cum so hard. He focused on trying to catch his breath as his body started to come down. “Yeah, I don’t think I want to get rid of this arrangement,” he joked. In all reality though, he was blissed out to no ends.

Phil could only chuckle as Dan's hands came around his waist, holding him to him, and for a moment, Phil just lay against him, fingers pressed to Dan's cock from him reaching for him, and covered in Dan's cum from the man's orgasm. He didn't care so much. The pleasant buzz of orgasm still buzzed in his veins. "Mm, but are you going to still like this arrangement when I jump you twice a day?" Phil wondered, needing his earlier questions answered now that his thirst has been quenched. "Can you handle me, Dan?" His voice was unsure, though Phil hasn't meant it that way. He pulled back from Dan's neck to look him in the eye.

"I can manage," Dan said quietly before sending Phil a small smile. Honestly, he didn't think he was going to mind that much at all. It was sex with Phil - he had nothing to complain about. He sighed softly as he let this new feeling soak into him. "Feel free to jump me anytime," he mumbled as he fought the urge to bring their lips together again. He was still getting a feel for how this was all going to work. Would Phil have new rules now? Like maybe it was fine to kiss when somebody was initiating things, but not randomly. Dan didn't know, and he decided to just play it by ear.

Phil felt a second surge of arousal shoot through him at Dan's words, and he found himself twisting his fingers into curling locks once more to drag Dan's mouth against his. They still had their softening cocks pulled out, but Phil wasn't ready to move off of Dan, no matter how uncomfortable the position was. He savored Dan's taste, moaning softly at the way Dan kissed him back. "Don't say things like that," Phil murmured. "You have no idea. You have no idea how many times I could come," he added. He sighed into Dan's mouth, kissing him again. "But thank you. I uhm. I know we don't know each other all that well, but thank you for picking me up. And I promise I still want to help with your mum," he explained when he finally released Dan from his grip.

"I'm glad you still want to help," Dan said as he let his hands rest against Phil's sides still. "You need don't need to thank me for that that though. I would have came regardless," he said after a moment. Dan would have let Phil stay for anything when it came down to it. "We should probably go inside," he said softly. "I think I'm starting to get a bit stiff sitting here like this," Dan laughed before shifting slightly. It had been amazing though. This car was quickly becoming his second favorite place to be.

Phil ducked his head, embarrassed, and tried to remind himself that Dan had promised not to fall in love with him. He was just a kind person who wanted to be friends with Phil. He needed to stop over analyzing everything that Dan did and said. He needed to calm down if this was going to work. Glancing down at the way Dan's cock had softened, Phil couldn't help reaching down to help him put himself away, stroking at the velvet skin just because he liked the way it felt. Then he was tucking himself away as well and saying, "Good idea. I think I'd like to ravish you on the bed this time," he teased, winking before climbing off of Dan. Part of him was nervous. He'd spent so much time in Dan's house, but now he would be living their. It was...strange. Phil had never had friends before. The two climbed out of the car, grabbing Phil's bags before retreating inside of the lobby of the hotel to catch the elevator.

After they’d grabbed Phil’s bag’s, they were headed back towards Dan’s home. Finally, it wouldn’t feel so empty anymore. “I’ll get you a house key made soon, that way you can come and go as you please. I never thought to make a spare,” Dan said as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. It wasn’t exactly as clean as it should be. Dan hadn’t bothered to do much since he’d last seen Phil. There a couple pizza boxes he’d neglected to take out of the kitchen and few misplaced items. It could have been worse. “We can put your things down in the extra bedroom,” Dan said as he directed Phil down the hall.

Phil followed Dan inside, nodding along as Dan spoke, though he didn't have many places to come and go from, so it hardly mattered in the long run. Shortly after, Dan was pushing open a door a few places down from where Phil knew Dan's bedroom was. They dropped off Phil's stuff there, and Phil took in the size of the room. It was maybe a bit smaller than Dan's room, which wasn't saying much considering Dan's room was massive. Phil glanced around himself, and then turned to Dan. "I can pay you rent," he assured him. "The call boy job was never about the money. It's mostly all in savings anyway. I'm not a big spender. My...other job, the magazine? I make enough I'm sure I could pay anything you asked for," Phil assured Dan, refusing to be a free loader.

“You don’t have to do that, I offered to let you stay,” Dan objected, shaking his head. “Besides, you’re going to help me with my mum. It’s not like you won’t be giving me back something in return,” he said. “If you don’t feel comfortable not paying…I guess I’d get that. Really though, you don’t have to. I’m not worried about anything like that,” he explained before moving towards the room’s closet to pull out sheets and a comforter. “Or I don’t know, maybe once in awhile you could vacuum, that would be enough. Sometimes I work long hours and I sort of forget to do things like that.”

Phil hesitated. He didn't like the idea of not paying rent, or at least helping Dan out by doing more than simply convincing his mum they were dating. "I mean. I don't go out much. I could just. I could take care of your flat? Do the grocery shopping, and pay for food, maybe?" Phil bargained, feeling a slight bit more comfortable doing that then nothing else. "You don't have to make my bed for me," he added, moving over to take the sheets from Dan. He was quick to unload them from Dan's arms, tossing them to the bed, and then he was grabbing for Dan's hips to drag him close. "You're nervous," he commented. "Don't be. I'm just Phil, your call boy. Or. Well. Your ex call boy. I guess I'm just your friend now. And your roommate. With added benefits. I get that we don't know much about each other, but. Relax." With that, Phil drew Dan in for a kiss, sighing at the feeling and running his hands up Dan's sides. "I could get used to this. Kissing you whenever I want. You wouldn't believe how many people refuse to kiss me," he murmured. He pulled away. "Now calm down and stop hovering," he teased.

For the life of him Dan couldn’t understand who would refuse to kiss Phil. He loved the feeling of Phil’s lips against his. At least it seemed like the other wouldn’t mind random kisses at different points in the day, then. “Okay,” he grinned before taking a step back and letting Phil take over the bed. “I think that’ll be fine,” he nodded in regards to their agreement. It would be nice not to have to worry about that for a while. “I’ll grab you some pillows,” Dan said as he finally started to relax. He headed back to the closet before tossing the two that were in there to the bed. “So, since we’re friends, does this mean you’re going to show me your magazine?” Dan asked as he moved to lean up against one of the walls. “You don’t have to, but I’d like to see it.”

Phil could feel the tension leaving the room as Dan went and gathered him some pillows, tossing them Phil's way as Phil made the bed. He was also glad to hear Dan accept his agreement, and decided he'd take a look in Dan's fridge after this. "Since we're friends, I /guess/ you could see my zine," Phil agreed, though he was more nervous than he was letting on. He'd never shared his zine with anyone but his brother when it came to people who knew who the anonymous AmazingP was. "But you'll have to wait until I unpack," he insisted, remembering the ask he'd recently replied to that pressed too close to how he'd recently been feeling about Dan. He was going to try and put off showing Dan the zine until next month's edition. Maybe Dan would forgot about it until then.

“Alright, that’s fair,” Dan agreed, sending Phil another small smile. “I guess I’ll let you get unpacked and organized then. I’ll probably go straighten up a bit and check my emails,” he finished before making his way out of the room. He figured Phil would need a bit of time to sort everything out. Dan focused on getting the trash taken out and then picking up the things he hadn’t bothered to put back up. He moved his briefcase and a few cases that had been scattered across the coffee table back to his room. Eventually, he found his way into the lounge once again. He pulled out his laptop and started to sort through everything from the past two days.

As soon as Dan had left, Phil collapsed onto the bed, giving himself a second to finally just let everything that was happened properly sink in. It didn't help that his chest and back were aching again from where he'd been struck with the belt the previous day, and then where the man today had dug his fingers in. Phil was actually kind of surprised Dan hadn't asked what had prompted his change in mind about moving in with him, but slightly grateful. It had probably seemed very sudden, Phil’s phone call. It finally occurred to Phil how early it actually was as he pulled out his cell phone, and he realized that Dan had dropped everything to come and get him. He sucked in a deep breath, once again stunned by the man's kindness. Rolling over, Phil stuffed his face in his pillow. He was finally, finally being treated right. This was why he'd decided to leave. He'd forgotten what it felt like to be treated the way Dan treated him, and he finally understood why he compared all his clients to Dan. He'd been craving having someone take care of him for once. The call boy thing had kept him safe, but it was time Phil moved on. He sighed as he climbed out of bed, and finally started unpacking his things. He also took the time to change into something more him - a shirt covered in bats and a pair of shorts. He felt...relieved. He unpacked his bags vaguely quickly, looking through all the room he'd been given. Somehow, this guest room was bigger than the room he'd had at the agency, minus a private bathroom, but Phil didn't care about that part. He was just...glad to be free, and to have his own space, and to be allowed to be himself.

Dan’s emails held nothing interesting. There were a few updating him on his work and changes to a couple cases. Then he sent out a few to his co workers, wanting to make sure everything was still getting done. He’d only been gone a couple days, but he always worried something was going to fall apart, even with his father there. When it came to the firm, Dan needed to be there in person to trust that nothing horrible had happened. The moment he’d gotten Phil home, he felt a shift in his work energy. Dan was finally starting to feel like he could be productive once again. Now there wouldn’t be much of a reason to stay until well after his day had ended. Not only that, but he could focus again, because he had a reason to come home. He sighed softly as he sat his laptop aside and let himself relax further into the sofa. He didn’t bother to stop the small smile that played at his lips. He’d been lonelier than he’d realized. Eventually, he moved to turn the television on. He was ready to see Phil again even if it had only been a short time. Still, Dan decided it was better to let him come back when he was ready.

Once Phil had finished setting up his room with his spares belongings, most of which were either clothes or things for his zine, Phil collapsed back on the bed. He could feel himself getting antsy again, but he was worried about going to bother Dan again when it had been /maybe/ three hours since Dan and him had retreated indoors. Glancing at his phone, Phil found that he was right. It had only taken him three hours to set up his room the way he wanted it. He could feel need boiling again. It was already six o'clock, and he'd only had sex once today. It was terrible that he was needy already again, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to go to Dan, and Dan had assured him it was okay, but. But. Phil didn't want to scare Dan away already. He managed to wait it out another half an hour before he finally left his room, and then he made a beeline for Dan. Before Dan could even look up at him and greet him, Phil was moving his laptop to the floor, and climbing into Dan's lap. His lips pressed hungrily against Dan's, licking into him as he rolled his hips down for friction, but also to tell Dan what he needed.

It had been what seemed like forever since Phil had come out. Dan was almost starting to wonder if he should go and check on him. Before he could dwell too much on that though, the next thing he realized was Phil was moving his laptop and climbing into his lap. Dan hadn’t even seen where he’d come from, he’d completely missed Phil’s entrance. Then their lips were connected and Phil’s tongue was in his mouth and he was rolling his hips against Dan’s. Dan groaned softly as he realized just what it was Phil was asking for. Phil seemed to have really meant what he’d said about jumping him. That was fine, a little unexpected, but Dan was perfectly fine with it. He pressed his tongue against Phil’s and placed his hands on his hips. He moved his hips upwards in silent agreement. He was going to let Phil know that he could keep up with him. Well, maybe not /keep up/ with him - he doubted he could have as much sex as Phil was used to - but Dan would still make this worth his time. He knew he could keep him satisfied.

Phil moaned softly as Dan reacted to him the way he'd been hoping, his tongue sweeping deliciously against Phil's as he rolled his hips up and back against Phil. Deciding not to say a word in order not to ruin the perfect compliance he'd been given, Phil merely pressed himself tighter to Dan, kissing him harder and rolling hips more firmly. His fingers came to the hem of Dan's shirt, and he pulled it over his head slowly, dragging their mouths apart to get it over his head. Then he moved his lips to Dan's neck, kissing and sucking softly down the tanned skin, and running his fingers over Dan's nipples. He wasn't as frantic as in the car, but he was just as needy, and so, so ready for this. The delicious friction of their cocks rubbing together through their jeans was already sending sparks of pleasure up and down his spine.

Again Dan wondered if Phil knew how good he felt. How amazing it was it was to have even the tiniest bit of his attention, to have him on him like this, grinding their hips together and sucking at his neck. Well, it was always beyond imaginable for Dan. Right away, he pushed his hands further up against Phil’s shirt. He wanted it off. Every inch of Phil was perfect and he wanted to see it all. He moved so that he could press their lips together once more. Dan lightly nibbled and pulled at Phil’s bottom lip before deciding to go ahead and tug his shirt off for him.

Dan had gotten better at this. He was nibbling at Phil's lip the way that Phil had always done to Dan, and his fingers were teasing as they ran up against Phil's chest. He winced when Dan accidentally brushed one of the lash marks on his chest, but eagerly kissed Dan back, hoping maybe Dan wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Phil could feel Dan trying to get his shirt off, but he had a feeling Dan would put a stop to everything if he saw what had happened, so Phil dragged his mouth away from Dan's and ground his hips down harder, gasping as he did so. He grabbed tight to Dan's hands, and pinned them above his head. "You look so hot like this," he mumbled, rolling his hips harder into Dan's. He wanted more. "What do you want?" he asked. "What's on the menu for tonight?"

"Anything you want," Dan gasped out. Of course he we was a bit disappointed by how Phil had moved his hand, but he figured he could touch again in a minute, pull Phil’s shirt away to get a good look at him as soon as Phil relented. "Anything at all," Dan added back. He would literally be happy with whatever Phil allowed him to do. "I want to touch you, taste you...make you cum," Dan answered almost a bit shyly. He knew he should be more confident by now, which he was for the most part, but sometimes he didn't know what moves to make or what Phil might want. He thought in those moments it was better for Phil to tell him.

Phil shuddered. He hadn't been talked to like that in a long time. When was the last time someone had wanted to touch him to make /him/ come, and not just to make themselves harder? He wanted to let Dan's hands go so badly just to allow the man to do so, but he knew Dan's hands were going to bump against the welts on his chest and back, and knowing Dan, that would likely put a stop to everything. Whining softly, Phil leaned in and kissed Dan, licking into him and pressing his tongue hotly to Dan's. "You're fucking gorgeous, you know that?" he mumbled as he pulled away, eyes half lidded. "Touch me, then," he conceded. Letting go of Dan's wrists, Phil waited for the inevitable.

Dan hesitated only for a moment before his hands were all over Phil. He started out trailing his fingers along the other's waist, and then slowly moving them upwards. "I want to touch all of you," he explained before he moved again to push Phil's shirt off. He thrust his hips up again into Phil's and groaned. He pressed their lips together in a short quick kiss before he pulled away to finally push Phil's shirt all the way off, moving so that he could pull it over his head.

Phil groaned. Dan's hands were so warm and reverent against his skin, and it made him forget for a moment why he hadn't wanted Dan to touch him in the first place. Dan's voice was croaky and hot, and Phil willingly kissed Dan back before the man moved to yank his shirt over his head. He moaned again as Dan's fingers skimmed up his sides, and as his shirt was being dragged over his head, he felt his heart rate increase with fear of rejection. It only took a second longer for Dan to gasp, hands fluttering in front of Phil, and Phil rolled his hips down as a distraction. "I'm fine," he whispered, pulling Dan back into a kiss.

Dan was shocked. Phil's normally pale flawless skin was now welted and bruised. Before he could make a point to say anything, Phil was moving his hips again and pulling him into another kiss. As good as it was to kiss Phil, Dan was pulling away instantly. He stared into blue eyes for a moment before he was was gently running his fingertips down the welted skin. It looked sore and painful. What had happened to his no marks rule? Dan frowned before looking back. "What happened?" he asked carefully, his hand finally falling to his side. "Somebody hurt you."

Phil sighed when Dan pulled away from the kiss just as he'd suspected he would, and dropped his head into the crook of Dan's neck. Dan's hand unexpectedly came up to tenderly run his fingers around the welts, and then he was moving to force Phil to look him in the eye. "These things happen," Phil muttered in reply. "Someone struck me with a belt. I'm fine, Dan, that hurts less than this," he insisted, grinding into the man underneath him once again. "Please. I'm fine," he begged, surprised by the tremor in his voice as Dan looked at him with sad eyes. It didn't bother him, not really, and yet, Phil suddenly wanted to cry.

Dan didn't know what was worse. The fact that anyone had hit Phil at all, or the fact it had been done with a belt. How could he say that those things happened? Getting struck with a belt wasn't something that just happened. He looked back down at Phil's chest before looking back at Phil. He knew it hurt - it didn't look fine at all. He moved to press his hand against Phil's face and then pressed their foreheads together. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly. "Never again," he insisted. "Nobody's ever going to hit you again," Dan promised. He didn't know if it was really his place to make that promise though. All he knew was that regardless, he wouldn't let Phil get hurt ever again like that. His place or not, he'd do anything to protect Phil.

Phil felt overwhelmed. Dan's hands were cupping his cheeks and he was making promises that Phil didn't know how he planned to keep, and yet Phil found himself believing Dan. His eyes flickered back and forth between Dan's, his heart racing, and a lump forming in his throat. Getting hit for real had never fazed Phil before. So why now? /Because you couldn't let it phase you before,/ some part of his mind informed him, and Phil's eyes slid closed as he let his and Dan's foreheads rest against each other. "You can't promise that..." he mumbled. "But I know you never would, and that's enough for me." Pressing back in, Phil kissed Dan, lips pressing softly and much more sweetly to Dan's. They weren't together. Phil didn't love Dan. But he cared about him, and he appreciated the things Dan was doing for him. Affection was not off the table. Dan had promised no love. This was okay.

Phil didn't remember when he started crying.

Dan didn’t know how he’d keep that promise. If there was a way he could though, than he would. Of course he’d never hit Phil, but unlike the other, that wasn’t enough for him. He reached up and quickly brushed the tears away. “It’s alright, you’ll be safe,” Dan hushed as he pressed their lips together again. He still couldn’t understand how somebody could look at Phil and decide that they wanted to hurt him. Anyone was sick if they could look at someone and decide that they needed to inflict some kind of pain on them, especially Phil. Dan was gentle and meaningful with his kiss, putting everything into it that he couldn’t say in words. It was hard not to voice how he felt, but probably for the best.

Phil shook his head. He knew he'd only really be safe until Dan found another man to truly love, and then Phil would be left, a sex addict, to find someone else to fuck. And he might not always be safe. Still, he let Dan kiss him and wipe away his tears, all the while promising himself he wouldn't get any more attached than he already was. He couldn't. Dan was too good for Phil, and one day, he hoped he would find love. But that would never be Phil. "Come here," he insisted then, taking Dan's hands and moving them to his hips. He rolled them gently. "I'm okay. I'm fine. But I need you," he insisted, voice low and breathy. He needed to get away. He needed to get out of his head, and it didn't escape his notice that this was how it had started - sex had been his means to get away in the first place. "Want you," he murmured, rolling his hips again and trying to ignore that he was still crying. This was how he'd become okay with what had happened to his chest. He was always running away, just trying to distract himself with enough pleasure to stop thinking of any and all bad things that had ever happened to him.

It was hard when Phil was crying but still asking him for more. Dan was torn between wanting to stop, and wanting to keep going. Right now, the only thing he could really give Phil was sex. It wasn’t hard to make up his mind on what to do. He rolled his hips back into Phil’s before slowly attaching his lips back to the other’s neck. He was careful now where he put his hands. Instead of running them down Phil’s chest, he kept them at his waist. “Want you too,” he agreed. He took his time though, letting his hands running against pale skin and placing carefully thought out kisses. Phil was beautiful. Eventually, his fingers traveled to the button of Phil’s shorts.

Dan secured his lips to Phil's neck, finally giving him what he wanted once again, and Phil felt relief course through him as Dan's hands pressed to his skin. He didn't know what he wanted, but he did know that he wanted Dan all over him. He panted a bit as Dan's lips against his neck made his cock pulse. It had been so long since he'd allowed anyone to focus their attention there, and it was like a temporary erogenous zone. Dan's mouth moved lower, pressing kisses all over Phil's body, and Phil let him, because Dan's mouth was hot and wet and so fucking good against him. Strong fingers played at the button of Phil's jeans, and Phil rolled his hips again. "Want you to use me," he mumbled, eyes closed as he arched his chest into Dan's.

It took a moment, but Dan finally allowed himself to get lost in the feeling. For now, Phil was fine and was asking for only one thing. Something Dan wanted desperately to give to him. He brought his hand back to Phil’s bruised chest only so that he could run a fingertip delicately over his nipple. “Can I be inside you?” he asked softly. Phil might have wanted to be used, but Dan wanted to know exactly what Phil wanted him to do. “Or I can suck you off, anything you want,” he mumbled as he rutted himself back against Phil’s hard on. Then he was tugging at the other shorts, doing what he could to get them down off Phil’s hips. “I want to make you feel so good,” he said, knowing he himself needed more contact. He was aching and needy.

Phil felt heat surge through him immediately at Dan's first suggestion, and he nodded his head, even as Dan was offering to pleasure Phil and Phil alone rather than using him. He wanted Dan to fuck him. He wanted to have Dan deep inside of him. He wanted to claw his fingernails down his back, buck into him, face to face, chest to chest. "Yes - yes, please, make me feel good," he moaned, shifting so Dan could get his shorts off his legs. There was unfortunately no bottle of lube in /those/ pants, however. Or a condom. "Want you to fuck me. Want to feel your hard cock inside of me," he begged, pressing Dan back into the sofa so he could kiss him. "Wanna do it right now," he continued, already thinking of how he could use his own spit to slick himself up. Maybe he could send Dan to get a condom while he prepped himself. Maybe.

He could feel himself twitch inside his own jeans just from Phil’s words alone. Yes, God yes. He wanted to be inside of Phil so badly. He wanted to feel that perfect tight heat around him once again. He brought their lips together for another kiss while he shifted enough to get his hand between them. If he was going to do this right, he might want to start getting the rest of his clothes off. He managed to keep their lips connected for a while, but eventually he needed to pull apart so he could force his jeans down, tossing them somewhere to the floor. “Fuck,” he gasped, moving his hips right back into Phil’s. Without the extra fabric of his jeans in the way, things felt so much better. They were about to be amazing though. He moved so that he could run his hands down Phil’s back carefully, just until his hands stopped at his ass.

Phil moaned as he felt Dan work a hand between their bodies, and kept their mouths together out of sheer determination as Dan rushed to undress. He bucked his hips into Dan's, disgruntled when he forced their lips apart, but appeased when that meant their cocks were pressing together through the thin fabric of their boxers. Phil could feel Dan's gentle touch down his back, could feel it bump against the bruised welts, and was reminded again of Dan’s tenderness. He'd been able to refocus on the sex even after Phil's reveal because Phil had wanted it, but he was still so fucking careful and so aware of Phil's wounds. That shouldn't be the turn on that it was. "Find a condom. I don't care where you find it, just bring me back one," he moaned desperately, already trying to jerk out of his boxers so he could finger himself open for Dan. "Fucking hurry," he insisted, groaning as he moved off of Dan so the man could get up. Then his own boxers were discarded, and he was sucking on three fingers to get them wet enough. He looked up at Dan with glazed eyes when the man asked about lube, and then drew his fingers out of his mouth messily, so saliva connected them to him. Apparently, that was answer enough, because then Dan was gone. Phil didn't wait any longer before immediately sinking two fingers into himself, crying out blissfully and with a wanton arch of his back. "Shit!" he groaned, pumping quickly and scissoring himself open.

Dan felt his jaw go slack as he watched Phil pull his fingers out of his mouth, eyebrow quirked as he informed Dan that his spit would be his lube. The idea of it was intoxicating, and Dan practically ran back to his room. It had been a while since he’d used condoms of his own, so it took a couple of minutes to find one, much longer than Dan would have liked. As soon as he spotted the foiled package though, he was dashing back to the living room. “Found one,” he mumbled before flopping back down on the sofa. Phil still had his fingers inside of himself, stretching and opening himself up for Dan. “Fuck,” Dan gasped as he hurried to remove his pants. Afterwards, he ripped the condom open and rolled it onto himself. He didn’t think he was going to be able to wait any longer. “Phil, please, want you so bad,” he whispered as he stroked himself a couple times.

By the time Dan had returned, Phil had three fingers inside of himself, and he was so blissed out and in desperate need for more that he physically didn't realize that Dan had returned until the man spoke up, pleading for him as his own hand worked frantically over his cock. Phil dropped his head, still on his hands and knees, and moaned lowly, pressing in deep and curling his fingers to press into his prostate, because he didn't physically want to stop fucking himself, even if he did want Dan inside of him more than he wanted his fingers. "Just - fucking - take - me," he panted, finally letting his fingers pop out as he moved to flop on his back, determined to take Dan face to face. He spread his legs for Dan to climb between them, and reached out with rough hands to grasp Dan’s shoulders. "Fuck - me - until - I - scream," he managed, eyes screwed shut with desperate desire. He couldn't help that he reached down to run his own fingers down his cock. He needed to come. He needed Dan, and he needed this, and he wanted to implode. The need was screaming and warm under his skin, heating his nerves until he was panting not just from exertion, but from his own wild need.

Dan couldn’t possibly wait another second, not with Phil demanding and panting like he was. Dan needed to feel Phil’s tight hole around him, clenching and dragging him closer to the edge. He positioned himself at Phil’s hole before shifting the other’s legs some. Just like that, he was pushing in, moaning as he slid in further. “Phil!” Dan cried out. It felt amazing, and it felt like too much as well. He slowly pulled out again before slamming back in. He wasn’t nervous like he was last time. Instead, Dan only felt need, want, and confidence. “So perfect like this, so good for me,” Dan mumbled, hardly paying attention to what he was saying anymore, just taking Phil hard and fast like he’d requested.

Phil felt tears prick at his eyes again as Dan sunk into him, immediately crying out Phil's name as if he'd just come home. Dan didn't waste time starting. He was thrusting into Phil before Phil could beg him, and the breath knocked right out of Phil's lungs as he gasped, throwing his head back with eyes wide open, hand falling away from his cock. Dan wasn't being careful with him, just like last time. He was fucking Phil so hotly, ramming his cock in and out of Phil's body. Phil could feel every drag of him and wished there wasn't a condom in the way to detract from the feeling of flesh on flesh. Phil's fingers scrabbled against Dan's chest as he searched for something to hold onto, and then he was meeting Dan's thrusts with his own hips, shifting to help the man find his prostate once again. Phil never wanted this to end. Dan was taking him so perfectly, muttering soft words to him with his fringe in his face, and his hands holding tight to Phil's hips. His big, warm, _fucking hands_. Phil needed to let him finger him one of these days. He could already imagine the way those fingers would feel inside him. Dan. Dan made him feel so wonderful inside, and Phil really should have been more afraid of the way Dan was making his chest ache. But he wasn't, because he was too busy free-falling into the intense pressure that was building in his abdomen. /Better than anything I've ever had./

Dan was gone. He was completely lost in the feeling of Phil around him. If someone had asked him his name, he wouldn’t have been able to answer. Nothing existed except for Phil and himself. He slammed into Phil over and over again, moaning, panting, and making sounds like he’d never made before. However, it was nothing compared to the sounds Phil was making. Perfect. He moved in just a bit more to press his lips to Phil’s, forcing his way into the other’s mouth and licking hotly. He almost wanted to cry it was that good. It was not only physically pleasing, but emotionally as well - he’d given up trying to deny his feelings to himself a while ago. Then he was moving his lips back to Phil’s neck. He nipped gently at the skin, but his hips were moving faster and rougher. “Want you to come, please come for me, it’s good…can’t hold out…” Dan mumbled, hoping Phil understood.

Phil had lost control completely. Sex was always good, but there was something different about it when the person fucking you wasn't /just/ using you. Phil had asked Dan to fuck him, to use his body for his own pleasure, but Dan was gasping and pushing Phil towards his end as well, and Phil knew that he wouldn't have to force himself to reach orgasm before Dan came if he wanted a chance at finishing. He knew that even if Dan came first, Dan would help him to his own end. As he tossed his head, unsure what kind of noises he was making but certain they were unintelligible, Phil arched his back, because Dan was speaking, and Dan was warning him, and Dan wanted him to come before Dan came. Phil could only grit his teeth and ride Dan's cock harder, pressing his hips down as best he could in this position to get Dan's cock deeper. He could hardly catch his breath, let alone respond, so he didn't, only nodding as Dan kissed him, mouth so warm and hot and /good/ on his own. Dan was so fucking passionate, it was like a whole different thing to have Dan kiss him than any of his clients. There was heat, aggression, need, sure, but Dan was was more than that. He was desperation and want and desire, and it was all for Phil. Not just Phil's body, but Phil. "Can't -" he managed to heave out, feeling tears prickle at the corners of his eyes in frustration. He couldn't reach that peak. He couldn't reach it even when he tried to force himself too, and he didn't know why. He cried out in pain, hands falling to his cock, and he tried to stroke himself to completion, but it wasn't working. "Make me - please!" Phil begged, opening his eyes to see Dan's had gone all glazed, his mouth slack jawed as he panted. It looked like he was going to come any second, and Phil thought he might cry, because he wanted this so fucking bad /but it wasn't fucking working/.

For a moment Dan was confused. He didn’t understand why Phil was rutting so roughly against him and yet crying out like it wasn’t enough. It didn’t take long though for Dan to understand. Phil needed him to send him over that edge, but more than that, he needed more than what Dan was currently giving him. He shifted again, enough so that he could sit back on his knees, throwing Phil’s legs over his shoulders in the process. “Gonna make you cum so hard,” Dan said as he took Phil’s cock his hand. He could do this. He focused on slamming back into Phil while he pumped him in the process. It was so hard to hold out though. He could feel his own orgasm building but he was determined to wait for Phil. “So good for me, so tight baby,” Dan gasped.

Dan shifted positions, moving so Phil's legs were practically vertical and pressed up against Dan's shoulders. From this position, Dan could fit himself deeper, and Phil groaned as the pleasure increased. Dan was fucking balls deep, and it was true that not many men actually /enjoyed/ that, but Phil was a fucking glutton for punishment, and Dan pressing up against him so tight felt it was like heaven. He felt like he was going to burst any fucking second, just a little bit longer, /please/. Phil didn't know if he was speaking out loud, or if it was all in his head, but Dan's hands had shoved Phil's aside, and now Phil was watching as Dan's fingers sped up around him, squeezing over the head of Phil's cock and driving him insane. "Please, please," he managed to gasp, loving the way Dan spoke to him and desperate for just that. He wanted to come so badly. It was like an ache, an itch - God, Dan's voice was so hot. Could he always be like that? Out of left field, Phil came, crying out in frenzied pleasure as his hips jerked, and his eyes flew open as he choked on another moan. His orgasm rushed through him, the endorphins flushing his system, and he could only stare at Dan in a haze as he came, mouth dropped open, but no more sound coming out. Dan was still pumping into him, pumping his cock, riding Phil out, and Phil wasn't sure when Dan came, but white spots drifted in front of his eyes, and he had to close them, feeling Dan collapse against him at the same time. If he wasn't feeling so drugged up, he might have cried out from the pressure against his bruised chest, but he was, and he didn’t, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

The thing about it was, was that Dan had never done anything more satisfying than making Phil finish like that. Not his work, not his education - nothing was more fulfilling than pleasing Phil like he just had. There was this warm, enlightening feeling that came over him. He’d done that. He’d made Phil come so far undone. Nobody else but him. He wanted to take it all, but before he could even string together his thoughts, he was coming as well. The feeling of Phil clenched so tightly around him and the look of pure bliss and pleasure on the other’s face was more than enough to do him in. He cried out, and then he was against Phil’s chest, panting and trying to remember how to breathe properly. His face was against Phil’s neck as his senses slowly started to come back. He wanted to stay there like that for as long as he could. Yet another thought struck him, and he realized where he was lying and why that was a bad thing. He forced himself to pull his weight off Phil. He groaned, sitting up some. He was so blissed out that he’d forgotten about Phil’s chest. “Sorry, sorry,” he hurried to mumble before slowly pulling out.

At some point, Dan moved, muttering hushed sorry's as he pulled out of Phil. Phil could only whine at the feeling of Dan leaving him, and then sigh as he settled back down, pushing Phil back so he was laying on his side and Dan could join him. Phil could hear the sound of Dan removing the condom, tying it off, and then warm arms were around him. Maybe it was stupid, but Phil had already admitted that he'd grown obsessed with Dan's cuddles, and he sighed out in pleasure as warm arms wrapped around him. It had been a long time since someone had gotten Phil to come that hard. But it wasn’t just the orgasm that made Phil feel good - it was the deep realization that he never had to pleasure someone else without thinking of himself ever again. It was the realization that he’d never have to put up with anyone he didn’t want to ever again. It was the realization that Phil was free, and cared for by someone other than his brother. With these thoughts, and no lingering worries about work or what might come tomorrow, it wasn't long before Phil actually fell asleep, beyond blissed out, a content hum buzzing under his skin. He felt...sated, warm, and good. Safe.

Dan watched as Phil fell asleep in his arms. There was a peaceful look about his face that Dan couldn’t help but commit to memory. Slowly but surely, reality started to hit home for him. He was completely taken with the other. He knew this had to be what love felt like, but what would he do when Phil couldn’t love him back? Eventually, Phil would want to leave right? He’d figure out what he wanted to do and he’d tell Dan that living with him wasn’t it. He’d go on to probably make more magazines, do wonderful things, and eventually forget all about him. He held Phil a little tighter as a frown etched it's way onto his face. His heart ached at just the thought. As long as he could have this. As long as he got to keep Phil in his arms, kiss him, and keep him safe, well that would be enough. He could live with that. Dan eventually closed his own eyes, comforted by Phil’s solid presence, and fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
> This Part: 18,593 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : minor self-destructive behavior in the form of minor self-punishment, fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasm, blowjobs, characters resorting to sex for affection

Phil woke disoriented and strangely warm. It took him so much longer than it usually did for his senses to come back, and with them, the memory of last night. His eyes opened to find that the house was awash with early-morning light, the curtains drawn just behind the sofa where he and Dan lay giving the room that grey-light that told him just how early it actually was. His brows furrowed. Had they fallen asleep, then? It felt like ass o'clock in the morning, and Phil was certain that he wouldn't normally be awake just then, but he was. His stomach growled, and his eyes slipped back closed. He didn't know if he had the energy to get up and cook, especially not when he was covered with a Dan shaped blanket. His stomach grumbled again, however, and Phil remembered that he and Dan hadn't eaten dinner. Sighing, he nudged Dan. "Hey. Wake up," he murmured, not wanting to cook just for himself. Besides, if he had to be awake just then, so did Dan.

Dan woke up fully expecting himself to be on the sofa and wrapped around Phil. Of course, expecting it or not, it was still amazing. "I'll consider it," he yawned as Phil nudged him again. However, Dan only stretched some before pulling Phil closer to him. He was warm and more comfortable than he had been in days. The best part was that Phil wasn't leaving. He was staying right there. It would probably be somewhat hard to leave anyway seeing as how Dan was keeping them tucked together. He nuzzled into Phil some, not yet ready to face the day. "Really going to think about it," he mumbled before inhaling the smell of Phil's shampoo, still somewhat amazed that Phil was here at all.

Phil couldn't help but laugh at Dan's seemingly dumb comment, finding him ridiculously cute as he yawned and cuddled closer to Phil. This was the first time Phil had ever woken up Dan when he /didn't/ have to leave. It was a different sensation to the pit Phil usually felt in his stomach when he had to go. He sighed now, happy to let Dan nuzzle at him for another moment so they could both relish in this moment of a morning after that didn’t immediately result in Phil leaving, before finally pushing Dan away. "Up, you nerd. I'm hungry, I don't know what time it is, and I really want food. I'll cook if you get up," he insisted, pushing at Dan again until the man whined and rolled away from Phil. Still completely nude, Phil sat up, realizing that he still had his cum against his stomach. He grimaced. "On second thought, I should probably clean us up first," he insisted with a sigh, stumbling blindly to Dan's bathroom.

When Phil got up to leave, Dan frowned and forced himself to sit up. He missed Phil’s warmth and presence next to him already. He figured now was a better time than any to get up. He stretched one last time before glancing around the floor for his underwear. He pulled them on and nothing else, before heading to his room to quickly find some sweatpants to wear for the moment. He knew he’d gotten plenty of sleep, but he felt tired still, and it always took a minute to shake away his sleepiness. After getting changed, he went right to the kitchen to wait for Phil. He’d probably wait by his door for him if he didn’t think it was so strange. “Do you want me to help you make breakfast, or do you want me to watch?” he asked as soon as Phil came back. “There’s less chance of me burning anything if I’m just watching though.”

After washing off his chest, Phil stumbled into his bedroom - and wow, wasn't that a strange thought when he half felt like the rug was going to be pulled out from underneath him and he was going to be forced to go back to the agency - and grabbed a pair of loose pajama bottoms and boxers to yank on. He was kind of surprised he'd woken up hungry, and not horny, as was per usual, but thankful at the same time. He really didn't want to scare Dan away, especially not after he basically passed out on him last night after being unable to make himself come. Either way, he wandered back to Dan's kitchen to find the man waiting there for him in nothing but his boxers. Phil enjoyed the look, then turned away. "Whatever you want to do," Phil replied flippantly. "I've never had a friend before. Do you /want/ to help me cook? I could probably ensure you don’t burn anything."

It kind of hurt Dan’s heart to know Phil had never had friends before. Dan had never had /many/ friends but he’d at least had a few good ones in his life. He couldn’t forget PJ or Chris either, they were great friends. Most of the time. He hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, helping is good,” he insisted. “Just tell me what you want me to do,” Dan said as he waited for Phil to give him any kind of direction. “I went shopping not too long ago. You’ll probably be able to find what you need. The pots and pans are up in the cabinets, silverware and everything else is in the drawers.”

Phil hummed in agreement. "I'm not much of a cook," he admitted. "I'm much better at mixing drinks then I am at cooking, but we'll see what I can do," he said, popping open Dan's fridge to find what he had. There was sausage and eggs, which seemed like a proper enough breakfast, so Phil pulled them out and handed the eggs to Dan. "Scrambled, or sunny-side up? What's your preference?" he asked. "Also, could you maybe get some toast going?" Then Phil was poking open the sausage and finding a pan to fry it in, heating it up as he wrapped the leftover sausage in plastic wrap to put back in the fridge. He yawned, running an empty palm through his fringe. He probably looked ridiculous, having just woken up.

“Scrambled,” Dan answered as he grabbed the bread. He got a couple slices in the toaster and went to wait by Phil. He watched him move about the kitchen, finding a pan and finally starting the sausage. He looked more natural than Dan had ever seen him. He was dressed in pajama pants cooking breakfast. Dan didn’t think he could have appreciated a moment more than that one. “Do you want some orange juice?” he asked before grabbing the toast and putting two more slices in. “Or uh, I think have apple juice too if you don’t like orange juice.”

Phil shrugged his shoulders as the sausages cooked, wincing as it made the ache in his back hurt more than he'd expected. "Either's fine, really. I'm not picky," he admitted. "Can't really afford to be." Turning around, Phil found a bowl and a fork to scramble some eggs for both him and Dan, adding a little bit of milk to make them fluffier, before moving them near the stove to cook once the sausages were done. They'd taste even better if they were fried in sausage grease. He hoped Dan wouldn't mind it - Phil had always preferred it that way, even if that did make them more fattening.

As soon as the toast was done, Dan set it aside on a plate and went back to watching Phil closely enough that he noticed the subtle wince. "Are you alright?" he asked. He could see the bruising and raw welts better now. It looked like it hurt a lot more than Phil had originally said. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked quietly. Dan didn't know if he was referring to Phil's back, or breakfast, but he figured if there was anyway he could make things easier, he could do it, whether it was getting Phil something for the bruises, or grabbing the silverware.

Phil glanced over his shoulder as Dan appeared behind him and smiled tiredly. "It's fine, Dan. It's kind of a one person job, if I'm honest," he teased. "You don't have to hover. I'm fine. My back just hurts. It'll heal soon enough," he tried to reassure him, turning back to the sausages to roll them and get them cooked evenly. His eyes flicked back to Dan's worried face and he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Dan, I'm fine, really. Stop worrying. We're supposed to be friends now, remember? You don't have to take care of me." He rolled the sausages again, eventually taking them over to the plates Dan had prepared, and then returned to start the eggs. "How have things been with your parents since - well, since they met me?" he wondered curiously.

Dan couldn’t help but worry. Even if they were just friends, Dan was a worrier by nature. It was hard not to be. And it kind of horrified him that Phil didn’t seem to think friends worried about each other. Still, he’d do what he could. “Uh, well…” Dan trailed off as he busied himself with getting two glasses down. “My dad is fine with it, he liked you,” he said as he grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and filled them up. “My mum is difficult,” he frowned as he left the juice out. “Sometimes I don’t know if it’s the fact that she doesn’t believe me, or that she just really doesn’t want me to be gay…that it really is a problem.”

Phil hummed in understanding. "It doesn't matter in the end though, does it? It's not her life that's going to be affected if you do like men or not. I am sorry though. I understand you're close to her. It must be hard." It hurt Phil to know that Dan was suffering because of his parents, but there was only so much he could do to help. "Are there many events you guys go to? When's the next one? I figure we have to get ready for her next inquisition. It's going to take a lot to convince her we're together." Finally finished with the eggs, Phil served them up and then turned off the burner. He would do the dishes later .

Phil was right. In the long run it was his life. She couldn't make his choices and she couldn't decide what made him happy. Him liking men instead of women shouldn't affect anyone but himself. "We do a lot of things together," Dan nodded with a small sigh. "We'll probably have dinner with them again soon. We've always made it a point to have a least one dinner together each week," Dan frowned. Last time he'd gone to his mother's house, things hadn't gone well. In fact, he didn't think he'd be showing up so soon again after their lunch. It was just yesterday, but so many things had happened he'd almost forgotten.

"Do you want me to go to every family dinner?" Phil wondered, sitting down at the breakfast bar with Dan, legs touching. "When's the next one?" he added, digging into his breakfast because he really was absolutely starving. "I think it's a good thing you want us to be friends. I figure we should learn as much as we can about each other, and it's not a big leap from friends to boyfriends when it comes to how much we talk about, so that's good," Phil mused. "What time is it anyway? I didn't bother checking." He yawned, taking a swig of the orange juice Dan had gotten for him.

"You don't have to go to every one of them if you don't want to," Dan said as he started on his own plate. "I'd like you to go to a lot of them though. I think it'd be helpful," he added, taking a sip of his own juice. Part of him felt guilty for asking that Phil go to most of them, but the other part of him knew it would be a good step in convincing his mother. That, and Dan sort of really needed the moral support. Just having Phil there made him feel more confident. "The next one is this Friday," he sighed. It was only a couple days away. "It's not too far off. I don't think it would be hard to learn about each other," Dan smiled softly. He wanted to know everything about Phil, and suddenly, he was being given the opportunity. He was beyond excited."It's about nine, I should probably get ready for work in a bit. Unless...do you think you'll be fine here today on your own?" he asked, unsure how Phil would feel being left on his own so soon.

Phil nodded, chewing thoughtfully. He'd have to think of things they should learn about each other. They didn't have to rush. Surely there were only so many things Dan's mum could feasibly ask in one night. "I'll go to as many as you want me to. I get that it would probably make you feel more comfortable. Despite your mum being so outright rude last time in front of me, I don't think she'd do it again. I don't want her to say hateful things to you again. Have you seen her since we saw her together?" Phil wondered, startled by the time. He looked up to find Dan was nearly done with the breakfast he'd made them. "Yeah, 'course I'll be fine. I'll stalk your movie collection or something, come up with things to discuss. When will you be home?" he wondered, kind of relieved he'd have some time alone to take in everything that had happened, but also nervous about not having relief when he eventually grew horny again, especially considering he would normally have a round around this time in the morning.

It was a relief knowing that Phil was going to go to as many as Dan wanted. He wanted him there at all of them if he was honest. "No, I don't think she'll do it again," Dan said shaking his head. Not after the fight they'd gotten into. "I've seen her since," he nodded sadly, taking another couple of bites of his breakfast. "We got into an argument. It was pretty bad. You actually called while I was leaving her house," Dan said, sighing again. "Alright, well if you do need me you have my number. I'll be home around three today as I'll probably leave a little early," Dan said as he finished off his drink. "Getting to come and go is a perk of being a partner," he smiled. "Breakfast was good, thanks for making it," Dan added, wanting to be sure he thanked Phil.

Phil frowned. He hadn't actually expected Dan to visit with his mum so soon after everything had gone down. At the same time, he couldn't decide if it had been a good thing or a bad thing that he'd called Dan when he had. It was nice to know what he'd forced Dan to drop to come get him yesterday though. "I'm sorry. It doesn't sound like it was any more pleasant a visit than the last one," he murmured softly. He smiled though as Dan thanked him and informed him when he would be home. "Don't rush. I'll be fine here alone, I'm sure. See you later, Dan," he said in farewell, and then Dan was gone, and Phil was completely alone.

\--

Part of Dan thought it was going to be hard to focus at work. However, it was the exact opposite. Knowing that Phil was back at his place made him feel at ease. He’d never had anyone to go home to before. It was a good feeling to say the least. He’d been at work maybe an hour or so before his father stopped by.

“Getting things done?” The other man asked as he came in and took a seat. Dan glanced towards the mound of manila files on his desk.

“Trying to,” he answered with a short smile.

His father nodded, an understanding look on his face.

“I heard you and your mum got into it the other day,” Howard frowned as he adjusted the nameplate on Dan’s desk. “Do you still plan on coming to dinner this Friday?” he finished, looking back at Dan.

Of course Dan had known this was going to eventually come up in conversation. Dan was actually sort of surprised that he hadn’t gotten a phone call from his father that same day, though.

“Yeah, I’m bringing Phil though. He moved in with me, actually,” Dan said carefully, gauging his father’s reaction. He knew his father was alright with everything, but the fight with his mother had left him nervous about everything.

“Yes, of course! That’s fine, go right ahead,” his father said, nodding his head quickly. “You know I don’t care about those things. I’m just glad you’ve found someone who’s made you happy. I’m just trying to keep the peace, Dan,” his father sighed.

Dan understood that. It was something he could respect to an extent. Still, his response didn’t heal the wound. “I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s her, not me,” Dan said, his voice a little colder now.

Howard nodded again, a line of concern etched into his forehead. “I know that. I’m on your side with it. All I can do is apologize for her, I can’t change her,” he sighed softly.

“Just tell her that Phil’s coming to dinner. If she acts like she did at lunch or even at the gala, I’m not going to see her again,” Dan said seriously. “Why would I lie about being gay?” he added. Just thinking about the fight they had made him angry all over again. He didn’t know if his statement held much truth to it though. He loved her regardless of how she treated him - it would be hard to break off contact with her.

\--

For the first hour after Dan had left, Phil really didn't know what to do with himself. His entire world had felt surreal since he'd come home with Dan officially yesterday afternoon, but nothing had really had a chance to fully sink in about the situation as a whole. He'd turned Dan's guest room into his own room, and he'd taken a moment to make sure this was what he really wanted, but then he'd quickly been distracted by the fact that he was desperate to get off - literally twice. He was still surprised Dan had been able to fuck him after getting them both off in his car again, but it pleased him, soothed that deep ache inside of him that begged for release multiple times a day.

He was already expecting the warmth to infiltrate his veins again soon and take over completely until Dan got home, but for now, he was still, surprisingly, sated. Maybe it was just the fact that for the first time in five years, when Phil had had sex with Dan, it had been about both of them rather than just Phil trying to give a client whatever they wanted, but regardless, there was still a delicious hum running through Phil's veins that was keeping him satiated rather than desperate for more sex. With that realization came another one, however, as Phil began to realize just how much of a slave he’d become to his own needs in the last few years.

He'd never really considered being a sex addict a problem before as he'd found a job where he could get off as many times as he wanted in a day. It certainly helped that he actually quite enjoyed sex, but now...now he was realizing that it was kind of a problem. He hadn't realized it until last night, but Phil actually used sex to run and hide from his problems. Rather than facing the fact that being hit and wounded with a belt was actually mentally scarring, and rather than dealing with his very first sexual experience /ever/ being the most painful and humiliating thing ever, Phil had just continued to have sex to take his mind off of it. There was no denying the sexual endorphins that flushed his body after orgasm made everything a rosy tinted color, but it wasn't until Dan had nearly made him cry by being so tender and understanding about Phil being hit that Phil realized it was not a good way to deal with anything.

Due to this, Phil ended up spending his second hour alone crying, curled up in a tiny ball on Dan's sofa, sobbing into his hands and trying to deal with the realization that he'd put his body through literal hell, and let men use him for their pleasure, sometimes even letting them hit him when Phil didn't actually enjoy the pain - especially not when it got real, like it had a few nights ago.

Eventually, though, Phil's tears ran out. There was only so much mourning he could do before he had to get back up, and even with the realization of how all of this had happened, Phil knew crying wasn't going to solve his problems. Eyes red-rimmed and heart heavy with aching sadness and pain, Phil rooted through Dan's movie collection for something mindless to watch.

The third hour, Phil learned a lot about Dan. They had remarkably similar taste in movies and video games, though the entirety of Phil's collection was at his brother's house for safekeeping, considering how little time Phil used to spend at the flat the agency had gifted him. He couldn't help the excited grin that formed on his face once he caught sight of Dan's wiiu and the Donkey Kong game collection he had. Movie's forgotten, Phil immediately delved into playing.

It was during the fourth hour that the need began to creep back with a vengeance, and Phil found himself dropping the wiiu controller he was using down on the sofa and heading for a shower instead. As many sexual encounters as he and Dan had had on Dan's sofa, Phil didn't feel comfortable wanking while he was sitting there alone, no matter how desperate he was. At least the shower was relatively innocent.

Head thrown back and hands uncomfortably cold, Phil gripped himself hard, holding himself up against cool tile walls as he fucked into his hand. His fingers were wonderful against his skin, but Phil knew, even as he bit his lip against any sound that threatened to slip past them, that this wouldn't be enough. He could only hope it would take the edge off enough that Phil wouldn't go looking for another person to fuck before Dan got home. He didn't want to put himself in danger, and at least he knew Dan would be kind to him. That was why he'd left the agency to begin with. Why would he leave the safety of Dan's home and look for someone else to pleasure him when they'd probably treat him no better than he'd been treated at the agency? No, instead, Phil bit harder into his bottom lip, and rutted into himself, imagining the way Dan's cock had felt inside of himself last night.

The pleasure mounted as it had when had Dan had fucked him, but just like last night, Phil found he couldn't step over that edge. His cock and his balls ached in his hand, and he was straining as he stroked himself harder. Eyes open and panting, Phil watched the deep red of his cock disappear over and over again into his fist, and cried out as his orgasm evaded him.

"Please, please, please," he begged himself, tears forming in his eyes as he tried to find release. He needed this so fucking bad. He bashed his head into the shower wall, and gripped tighter to nothing, stroking himself faster and faster and faster, hoping and praying that relief would just fucking come already. Phil didn’t know how long it took, but for the second time that day, he found himself sobbing at he tried to get himself off, his cock beginning to feel chaffed as he worked his hand over it. It took pressing three fingers, dry, into himself for Phil to finally, thankfully come, spurting out against the shower wall, but when he finally did so, he pulled his hands away from his oversensitive body and collapsed to the floor in relief, sobbing as he let the water pound against his already oversensitive back.

He knew the minute Dan got home, he was going to be all over him, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

\--

The rest of the day went by fairly fast. Dan worked on what he needed to, met with a few clients, and got a few things ready for a court date next week. After that, he was ready to get back home. He’d had a relatively good day until his father had brought everything back up, and now he was right back to worrying about dinner that Friday. He couldn’t blame his dad, though. He was just trying to do his best to fix the situation they had all found themselves uncomfortably stuck in. As soon as Dan made it back to his car, he was pushing a hand through his hair. He didn’t know what he was going to do about the whole thing. He had Phil though, and he knew he would help him sort things out. Before heading home, Dan stopped and picked up some take out. He wasn’t sure what Phil liked or what he didn’t yet, so he opted for getting a little bit of everything; at least that way he couldn’t go wrong. The ride home was short. Dan was curious to see what Phil had gotten up to. He doubted it could have been much, considering he hadn’t brought much with him from the agency, and there wasn’t much to do at Dan’s home. He parked in his usual spot, and headed inside the lobby with his things, then up the elevator to his place, finally pushing the door open and sighing softly. “M’home,” he called out, already setting everything down on the coffee table.

By the time Dan got home, Phil actually felt like he was going to die. His cock was throbbing and hard already even without any stimulation following his getting off in the shower. Afterwards, he’d done his best to distract himself with video games, but it had only worked so well. Eventually, he'd given up and gone into what was now his room, and curled up on his bed with the door locked to try and convince himself to wait until Dan come home. There was a constant mantra in his head that was difficult to ignore telling him to go out and just find someone, but everytime it got too overwhelming, Phil rolled onto his back to distract himself with the pain of the wounds there. He knew it was self destructive and stupid, but he also knew it was better than going out and possibly getting himself killed. When he eventually did hear the door and Dan's voice calling for him, he was immediately off the bed and out the door. Immediately, he spotted Dan’s back to him as he rushed out of his room, and he didn’t waste any time pressing himself up against him, grinding his hips desperately into Dan’s bum. "Fuck," Phil whined. "Want your thick fingers inside me so fucking bad, Dan," he groaned, grinding harder into Dan's ass until the man managed to turn around. Phil didn't waste another second getting his lips on Dan's, and when he pulled away, it was only to say "Needed you for so long. Want you inside me, please, don't make me wait." His voice was hoarse and needy as he ground into Dan, eyes wide and face surely flushed.

Dan couldn’t say he’d ever been greeted like this before. It was shocking, arousing, and something he could get use to coming home to. Phil had caught him completely off guard, but he wasn’t complaining. The moment he turned around, Phil’s lips were on his and he was moaning into the lip lock. “Fuck,” Dan gasped, nodding as quickly as he could. “Right now,” he agreed as he slid his hands down Phil’s sides. “Want to make you feel so good,” he mumbled as he moved to start yanking off his tie. He couldn’t think of anything other than Phil. Their food would go cold, and he knew he should probably be worried about his mother, and yet nothing could sidetrack him from the other.

Phil shivered as Dan's hands moved down his sides. He was still wearing nothing but the loose pajama bottoms he'd put on that morning, and his hair was wet. Dan released him after one seductive sentence to pull away at his tie, and Phil reached up to grab it for him. "Want you like this. Want you to fuck me in your suit and tie," Phil insisted, finding the thought immeasurably hot. He pushed Dan down and back onto the soda, immediately climbing on top of him until he realized he was without condom or lube. "Don't move," he groaned, peeling off his pajama bottoms as he rushed to his room to find his stash of condom and lubes which he'd taken from the agency before leaving. In moments, he was back, throwing the items down against Dan. "Need you. Want you so bad. Almost went out, but I waited. Wanted you to take care of me," Phil admitted, unable to hold his tongue with how hot he was for Dan. He grabbed Dan's tie again, and dragged him into another heated kiss, already feeling weightless and needy.

Dan didn’t realize how hot it was to have someone pulling on his tie and dragging him into an open mouthed kiss. “I’m glad you waited. Always wait for me…I’ll take care of you, I’ll make this worth your while,” Dan mumbled as soon as he pulled away. He’d almost gotten scared there for a moment. It was alright though, Phil had waited. Everything was fine. “Will you get on your knees?” Dan asked, his dress pants already tenting and his heartbeat picking up. He wished he could care enough to get to the bedroom. He just didn’t though, and Phil seemed much too needy to mind. His hands slid down to Phil’s waist, his fingertips playing with the elastic on Phil’s pants.

Phil groaned, bucking his hips and kissing Dan again. "Yes, please, take care of me and I'll wait," he whined into Dan's mouth, wanting desperately to taste him. "'M so hard, Dan," he moaned, jerking when Dan asked him to get on his hands and knees. Dan's hands were playing with the waistband of his boxers now, and Phil didn't waste a second standing back up to pull them away. Moments later, he was spread open on the ground, glancing over his shoulder heatedly as Dan undid the zipper and button of his pants. He didn't pull them away, and Phil moaned as he watched Dan pull out his cock. "Lube up three fingers. Quickly, please. I can't - can't wait. But I want your fingers, please, they're so thick," Phil whined, dropping his head, shoulders heaving with the effort not to reach down and stroke himself. He already knew it wouldn't help anyway. "So hard, Dan. Tried to get off, but it hurt so bad."

He wasn’t sure why Phil couldn’t get himself off. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it wasn’t actual sex. Either way, Dan didn’t dwell too much on it. He ran a hand down Phil’s lower back softly. He just needed one quick second to admire Phil’s body. It was perfect. A loud sound from Phil quickly forced his attention back to what he was doing. He poured a bit of lube onto his fingers before slowly sliding one into Phil’s entrance. He’d never actually done this before, only seen Phil do it to himself, but he was too far gone to care. Phil was making these noises for him, and it almost made Dan feel like he was the one with the sex addiction. He pushed one finger in and out of Phil slowly for a few moments until he heard Phil growling at him for more and pushing back on Dan aggressively, and then Dan kind of just let go, pressing a second and then a third finger into Phil the way he knew Phil could take it. “So tight around my fingers,” Dan moaned, his breath coming out in short gasps. He curled them a bit a so that he could find Phil’s prostate - he’d watched Phil do it a thousand times, had felt it under the head of his cock, and was sure he could find it again.

Dan mostly didn't hesitate to give Phil what he wanted. For a second, he stopped to pet at Phil's back, but Phil choked out a sound of needy frustration, and suddenly Dan was spreading lube over his fingers and pressing one in. The movement was slow and cautious at first, but Phil didn’t waste any time in thrusting his hips back onto Dan’s finger and growling at him to get a move on. Almost instantaneously, Dan seemed to forget his hesitation and nerves altogether. Dan had never fingered Phil open before, but Phil had been right - having Dan’s thick fingers inside of him was the best feeling in the world. Soon enough, Dan was pressing one, two, three fingers inside of him, just as Phil had shown him, and he’d never had to proper teach him at all. Maybe it was the sounds he was making, but Phil thought he was being particularly encouraging today. Still, Dan being so adept at this didn’t seem to surprise Phil at all, and he’d always known Dan’s big hands would feel especially amazing in and around him. The stretch was perfection. It felt so fucking good to be spread wide by those thick fingers Phil had been dreaming about all afternoon. Without wasting a beat, Phil fucked himself back on Dan's hand for the first time, crying out as Dan spread them wide. He felt so fucking loose, and yet Dan was telling him he was tight, and Phil just wanted to cry out of pleasure. He arched his back, shoved his hips back, and moaned. He couldn't keep the sounds inside as he moaned and panted and whimpered and gasped, and then Dan's fingers pressed deep, curled up, and ran against Phil's prostate. Phil didn't know how, but he immediately came, crying out and pumping himself back harder and harder, arms going weak so he fell on his chest and rode out the high, actual tears dripping down his cheeks. "Oh God," he whined, getting a few moments of blissful relief finally. He knew it wouldn't last long, but Dan was pumping him dry anyway, still fingering at him, and Phil could only continue to moan. "Not enough," he whined. "Can't do this. Need more,” he begged, too far gone to even notice the ache of the stretched bruises and wounds on his back.

Even though Dan knew Phil had just come, he continued to stretch and finger him, somehow knowing that he shouldn’t stop, that Phil wouldn’t want him to stop. He moaned as he used his free hand to pump his own leaking cock, figuring Phil was going need a minute to come down from his orgasm. He even suspected Phil’s need might be satisfied for a little bit. Dan could take care of himself, he could get off from just looking at Phil spread around his fingers. However, not minutes later, Phil was telling him it wasn’t enough and that he needed more. Dan hesitated for a second, wanting to make sure that Phil wouldn’t be overly sensitive, but he seemed more desperate and needy than before. “Okay, if you’re sure,” Dan muttered, not even needing to hear Phil’s annoyed curse to know that he most definitely was. Carefully, Dan slipped his fingers out before rolling on a condom. He rubbed Phil’s lower back a couple more times before he positioned the head of cock at Phil’s hole. He was slow to push in this time. He wanted this feeling to last as long as it possibly could. “Fucking-Phil-I!” Dan cried out. Somehow, it felt even better than last time.

Phil could feel Dan hesitating, and he couldn't blame him. Phil had literally just fucking orgasmed and he was already asking for more. Still, it didn't take Dan that long to pull his fingers out of Phil's bum once Phil started cursing at him, and then Phil could hear him grabbing the condom and rolling it onto himself. Phil panted as he rolled his hips back, trying to look inviting. Dan rubbed at his lower back soothingly for a moment, and Phil almost yelled at him, he was so desperate, but then Dan's cock was at his rim, and the head was slowly stretching him open, and Phil thought he could die right then and there and be happy. He could imagine the image they presented; Phil face first on the ground, head turned to breathe with his chest against Dan's carpet, and Dan kneeling behind him, fully dressed, tie loose but not undone, cock pulled out of his zipper while he fucked into Phil. The thought made Phil sob, the pleasure quickly becoming overwhelming once again, even with Dan's slow pace. The drag was incredible, made almost better by Dan taking it slow, and Phil could only pant and whine as he felt his body being rubbed up and down on the carpet by the force of Dan's thrusts inside of him.

Dan thrust in and out slowly a couple times, moaning in response to being inside of Phil. Phil never failed to make him want to cum minutes into sex. He closed his eyes, teeth sinking down into his bottom lip, and his grip on Phil’s hips tightened some. “Amazing, tight….so good,” Dan panted as he quickened his pace some. He wanted this to last, but at the same time, he was already aching with his own need. It was almost too good. Dan was always getting lost in Phil, letting something more instinctual take over. He slowly moved one hand from Phil’s hip and instead placed it in his hair. “Baby, fuck,” Dan groaned. “Want to see you come again,” he mumbled as he changed his pace again, this time slamming a bit more roughly into Phil while his fingers tightened in his hair. “Make me want to cum so bad,” Dan gasped, completely unable to stop his own words. He wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying at this point, and before he could stop himself, he was pulling Phil’s neck back so his back was practically arching off of the floor.

It felt like blood was rushing in Phil's ears, he felt so good. His mouth was slack jawed and open, his eyes half opened as he stared at the carpet, and Dan was talking to him, his voice low, sultry, hot. It made Phil's cock jump with pleasure even as Dan's hands gripped at his hips, making Phil move with each of Dan's thrusts. Phil didn't even fucking care, it was so good. He heard Dan call him baby, heard him tell him he wanted to see Phil come again, and it didn't even matter that Dan was using pet names for him. It didn't even feel weird. It just seemed like a Dan thing to do, something in the heat of the moment when both of them were crazed and heated with lust. Phil didn't react. His eyes slipped closed as he felt heat rushing through him again, pooling in his abdomen. Dan was speeding up some, his hand coming up to fist into Phil's hair, and Phil could only moan, scrabbling at the carpet with one hand in an attempt to find something to hold onto while his body bowed against the floor, his neck straining in the best way. Little "Uh, uh, uh,"'s were slipping from Phil's lips, but nothing more. He couldn't find his voice even if he wanted to. He felt lost, like he was drowning, and he'd never known this pleasure before. Somehow, it was different, almost better, to have been forced to wait so long without relief, but maybe it was more than that. Phil's amount of daily sex had gone down significantly - he was never this bad when he was bought out for packages like the one Dan had bought him for, but after being hit with the belt, and after running away from that second man, and only having sex twice more in between, Phil felt like his body was on fire with need.

Eventually, Dan’s own need started to become too much for him. He needed to finish, but he refused to do so without Phil finishing with him. Even if he’d just gotten off, Dan was convinced it wouldn’t be hard to bring Phil over the edge for a second time. “Baby, need to-to come so bad, you make it so hard to last,” he mumbled as he removed his hand from Phil’s hair. Instead, he had a better idea of where to put his hand. Without warning, he wrapped his hand around Phil’s cock and started to pump in time with his thrust. He was dizzy with ecstasy now. Everything was hot and aching but in the most pleasurable way possible. There was something that just felt so right about being this close to the edge of climax that made it even better. “Want you to…fuck-want you to cum with me,” Dan mumbled. Phil was like nothing he’d ever felt before. He wasn’t just referring to Phil’s body either. The other male made him feel things he’d never felt before. Dan suddenly wished he wasn’t wearing that condom. There was this need to know every part of Phil. Everything from his body to what made him who he was.

Phil's balls were clenching up, and Phil knew he was close again. Dan kept calling him baby, and Phil wasn't going to lie, it was such a turn on. He'd been called baby, sweetheart, whore - every name under the sun, but it had never affected Phil quite the way it did when Dan said "baby." Phil moaned, the sound stuttery as he tried to reply to Dan, but no other sound seemed to want to come out. Phil could feel Dan's hand trembling in his hair, but then suddenly, it wasn't there anymore. Instead, Dan had fisted his aching cock, and Phil cried out as his neck fell forward, humping forward into Dan's fist as the pleasure increased ten-fold. Dan was hitting his prostate with every other thrust, and Dan was asking to come with him, and his words were so fucking hot that Phil - just - exploded. He didn't make a sound. One second, he was whining with need, panting for breath, and the next, he literally felt like the world had ended. His vision went white with pleasure, and he opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He could hear Dan, though, and he knew he'd clenched tight around him with the force of his orgasm, and he could hear Dan shouting his name as the man came deep inside him. He wished he could feel it. He wished when Dan pulled out, he'd feel his cum dripping down his thighs, and then he'd reach between his legs to wipe it up and suck it into his mouth, slurping it down like he lived for it. Dan, fucking Dan, was fucking amazing, and Phil didn't know how it was possible, but he felt a little brain dead and fuzzy to finally be getting what he wanted, needed, from someone who actually fucking cared. There was an ache in Phil's heart, but it couldn't be love. No. It would never be love. Phil didn't know how to love.

Dan was only vaguely aware of himself yelling Phil’s name, crying out as the strongest wave of pleasure hit him. Sex shouldn’t be that good. It was with Phil though. He’d turned something he tolerated and struggled to enjoy into something passionate and mind blowing. It took Dan so long to come down from this high it might as well have been an out of body experience. Thankfully, he still had enough sense to carefully pull out and let himself collapse /next/ to Phil instead of on top of him. His breathing was still labored as he pulled Phil into him. His eyes were still closed as he pressed his face into Phil’s skin. Phil was everything and Dan would be a liar if he said otherwise. “Perfect,” he mumbled. Not even referring to the sex and instead Phil himself. He was pleasantly worn out and nothing felt better than having Phil so close to him. “Was it okay?” he asked after a long few moments.

Eventually, Phil became aware of the fact that Dan was quite literally cuddling him. The warmth of the man's body was lovely, and Phil had long ago come to the realization that he fucking loved cuddling with Dan. If there was one thing he'd been missing out of his sex filled life, it was cuddles with Dan. He snorted when Dan felt the need to ask him if everything had been okay, though. "Are you fucking serious?" he mumbled. "It was better than okay. It always is with you." Phil would probably regret saying that later, but right then, he couldn't bring himself to care. He sighed as he closed his eyes again, feeling pleasantly buzzed and full. "If I promise never to fuck or get fucked by anyone else again while I'm living under your roof, can we get STD tests and never use a condom again?" he requested, still beyond dazed, and thinking of the way Dan would feel actually inside of him. "Also, I fully intend to fuck you one of these days, when I'm not out of my mind with need, and I can take it slow so you'll feel as good as you make me feel." Really, Phil should shut up now. He knew he was digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself, but Dan had /promised/. Friends with benefits. Nothing more. Phil was allowed to admit to how good Dan made him feel.

Dan wanted to melt. Everything Phil said made Dan want to cry from happiness. Something he didn’t think he’d never had the urge to before. He couldn’t say yes quickly enough. “I don’t think I could want anything more than that,” Dan laughed, shaking his head. How absolutely lucky he could be? “I can get us an appointment somewhere and we won’t have to worry about it afterwards,” Dan said. He didn’t really want Phil to know just how excited about it he was. He could practically feel himself beaming though. The thought of being inside of Phil with nothing between them was enough to send shivers down his spine, but the promise that Dan would be his /only,/ well. That was just the icing on the cake. “I want you to fuck me,” he nodded, his tone a bit softer this time. “I want to know what it’s like,” Dan said, trying to tone himself down. He wanted to know what Phil felt like from every single angle. “I know you’ll make it good for me,” h e added before stretching some. He knew he didn’t need to ask if it was good, it was clear that it had been. Still, he sometimes worried that he’d do something wrong. He wasn’t that experienced. Phil was the first he’d ever been with. He knew Phil had been with people who knew novels more than he did. Still, it pleased him beyond belief to know that he could make it so good for Phil. That it wasn’t just ‘okay’ sex, it was much more.

Phil sighed as Dan agreed they could get tested, relaxing into his hold again. When had he grown tense? It wouldn't have been the end of the world if Dan had said no to him. Sex was just as nice with the condom. In fact, he couldn't remember what it was like without one, but he wanted so badly to feel Dan for real. "Thanks," he murmured, shivering as Dan continued, voice low and soft, assuring Phil that Dan wanted Phil to fuck him just as much. He moaned, rolling away because his skin felt sensitive to the touch all of a sudden. "I'll make it so good for you, Dan. Make you see stars. I could keep you going for hours, make you forget where you are." He buried his face in the carpet, completely spent, but still shivering at the very thought of being buried deep inside Dan. "I rarely get to do the fucking," he complained on a short laugh. "I'm good at it too," he commented. Damn, he was loose tongued when he was finally spent. Sighing again, Phil pushed himself up on wobbly arms and tried to sit up. He landed on his bum with a low moan, and pressed his face into his hands. "God. I thought I was going to fall apart, today. I needed that so much. Thank you, Dan."

“You don’t have to thank me. That’s the best thing I’ve ever come home to,” Dan laughed softly. Already though, he was missing the feeling of Phil’s skin against him. He knew Phil would be just as good at fucking. He could already imagine it. That wasn’t too say he didn’t completely love the feeling of being inside of the other as well. If he wasn’t careful, Phil might turn him into a sex addict too. Not in the same sense though. He couldn’t bring himself to even think about wanting someone else. He knew that it wouldn’t be as good, and that wasn’t something he needed to test out to be sure of. This was perfect in every way. “I brought food home by the way. We might have to warm it up first though. I thought we could watch a movie and have dinner,” Dan said as he forced himself to sit up as well pulling off the condom and tying it off to dispose of later. “Do you like Chinese?” he asked, wondering if it would be something Phil even liked. He still felt hazy but he knew he could manage to order a pizza if he had too.

Phil couldn't help but to chuckle. He could hear it in Dan's voice that he was still kind of dazed, and Phil was honestly glad to hear Dan had enjoyed being jumped. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad when Dan came home at night if Dan didn't seem to mind having his mind taken off of other things by having sex with Phil. He was surprised at the mention of food however, realizing he hadn't had lunch, and managed to get himself up off the floor to take a look. "I love Chinese. We have a lot in common, you know. I stalked your movie and game collection all day. Similar tastes," Phil mused, humming as he looked over the Chinese cartons all over the coffee table. "You bought so much, holy shit, Dan. This is like, enough for at least two days!"

"I didn't know what you liked. I figured this way you'd have something to pick from," Dan confessed, laughing lightly at the realization that he had bought a lot. "Uh lunch for tomorrow?" he suggested before attempting to smooth his hair down. "It's good to know you like Chinese and that you weren't horrified by my games or movies," he grinned. "I think I'm gonna change real quick though," Dan said as he glanced down at his wrinkled suit.

Phil snorted. "You didn't have to buy the whole store. I would have settled for anything. I don't eat much, Dan, and I'm not picky," Phil admitted, realizing that probably wasn't the best way to phrase it, but it was true. He just hoped Dan wouldn't get too offended or upset on Phil's behalf. "I'm sure I'll eat it all though. Eventually," he added, glancing down as Dan suggested getting changed and realizing that he was still naked and covered in his own cum. He'd need to clean up the carpet as well. His eyes shifted from himself to Dan, and he couldn't help licking his lips at how Dan looked, suit wrinkled with his cock still pulled through and showing through his suit pants. "Nah. I think you look best like that," Phil disagreed, leaning down and grabbing Dan's tie to drag him into a kiss again. He didn't waste any time licking into Dan's mouth to taste him, and he sighed at the feeling. Dan was a great kisser.

He couldn’t help but feel pleased to know that eventually Phil would end up eating it. He could remember back to how he’d told Dan that it was fine to miss a meal. Dan was more than happy to see to it that Phil didn’t miss out on any meals ever again. Dan didn’t often skip out on food - maybe if he wasn’t feeling good, but that was about it - and he wanted to insure that Phil did the same. “You think so?” he said, laughing again. Before he knew it though, Phil was dragging him back down to join their lips together again. He sighed instantly, his hand resting on the back of Phil’s neck as he slowly moved his lips against Phil’s. He teasingly ran his tongue over Phil’s bottom lip before nipping softly at it.

Phil shivered as Dan pressed his hand to the back of Phil's neck, pulling him down and into him better before nibbling on his bottom lip. "I definitely think. But if you keep doing that, you won't be eating at all tonight," he murmured against Dan's lips, smirking as he nipped at his bottom lip before pulling away with a yawn. "I guess I'll go get cleaned up, and then I'll heat up some food. What did you want?"

"Anything is fine, I like it all," Dan explained as he sorted himself out some. He zipped up his pants and yanked off his shirt, flushed a bit from the kiss and the sex they’d just had. Then he headed back to his room for a minute, just long enough to get a pair of pajama pants on and a cotton shirt. It felt good finally getting out of what he'd worn all day. Still, he wouldn't be able to look at that pair of pants and suit jacket the same ever again. A little bit later, he was headed back to the kitchen to see if Phil had made it back there yet.

Phil kind of wanted a shower, but then again, he'd taken one not that long ago, and it was easier to just wipe down his stomach and thighs if he wanted to eat anytime soon, so he did just that before returning to the lounge for his pajama bottoms. He pulled them up easily, a pleasant thrum still in his veins as he took a look at the food presented in front of him, trying to decide what to heat up and what to put away. By the time Dan had joined him in the lounge, Phil had two bowls served up. Dan was dressed in pajamas bottoms and a cotton T-shirt, and Phil couldn't keep his eyes off of him because he looked so cute. He hadn't seen Dan in such casual clothes before, and it made him look so little and cute.

"Did you find something good?" Dan asked with another smile as he went to grab the bowl Phil had fixed for him. He knew he shouldn't enjoy the domestic feeling as much as he did, but it was so nice to have someone to eat with, someone who wasn't his parents or a coworker. "Do you want a watch a movie?" he asked, already hovering towards the living room. "Or we could find something on tv to watch, it doesn't matter to me," Dan said, wondering if Phil was going to be opposed to casual cuddling. Dan didn't know if he wanted to press his luck just yet.

Phil rolled his eyes. "I told you I'm not picky. Yes, I found something good," he replied sarcastically, nudging at Dan to show him to calm down. He didn't understand why Dan was so nervous. Maybe it was just because Phil had never stayed around before? "Also, anything's fine with me. Stop being so stressed out. I'm just another friend, remember? I'm not going to hate you if you pick something I don't like. What do /you/ feel like watching, Dan?" Phil asked. "Besides, this is a good time for us to get to know some things about each other. What kinds of movies do you prefer?"

Dan /was/ nervous. He couldn't help it. It was a combination of wanting to make Phil comfortable, wanting him him to be happy enough to stay, and generally being unsure of what to do with himself. Part of him was still convinced that this was all going to fall apart, that Phil would change his mind and leave, maybe ask for his old job back. Dan didn't know for sure. Phil was right though, he should relax. Phil had promised to help with his mother, he couldn't live in fear the whole time. "Cult movies are my favorite, I like horror too though, comedy is a close second," Dan said as he pointed out the things he preferred to watch.

Phil's eyes lit up, and he grinned at Dan, nudging at him, realizing they were still stood in the kitchen. "You just said the magic words. I love horror," Phil said, and then he was nodding towards the lounge. "But maybe we should go sit down. I didn't see much horror in your movie collection?" he asked, confused. He'd honestly been looking earlier, when he was trying to get a better understanding of who Dan was and what he liked. They sat down together on the sofa, a little bit of space between them, and Phil waited for Dan to reply. "Cult movies are eh, to me though. We could put some horror on if you wanted."

“I don’t like to watch them alone, they’re great when I see them with someone else though,” Dan admitted. “So I don’t actually own too many,” he added, knowing how ridiculous it sounded. “I have a couple though, I’ll pick one out for us,” he said with another smile. He hopped up from the sofa and moved to go rummage through his collection of movies. He eventually settled on one he hadn’t seen in awhile. It was a typical one, family movies into a new house, ghost show up. That kind of thing. He liked it though and he figured Phil would too. After putting it in the dvd player he climbed on the sofa and made himself comfortable once again.

Phil chuckled. "Fair enough. I really don't care if I'm alone or not, but it still spooks me sometimes, so I understand," he agreed, tucking his legs up underneath him as Dan moved to pop in a movie. Phil couldn't see the movie title, but he didn't care so much as he just wanted to do something a little less high maintenance with Dan. Now that he wasn't with the agency, he could watch and enjoy a movie with Dan without having to hide his enjoyment. Dan came back shortly after getting everything going, and he curled up on the sofa with Phil at the other end so his feet were nearly touching Phil's thighs. Phil felt a thrill go up his spine at the nearness, and had to shake his head to get rid of it. He didn't know what that feeling was to begin with. He'd been touched more times than he could count by Dan already, and Phil hadn't gotten a thrill from anyone touching him since he was fifteen.

It didn’t take long for Dan to get lost in the familiar movie. He took bites of his food every so often, but his eyes were trained to the screen. It was actually better than nice to be able to be at home with someone. He usually wouldn’t get to watch something scary just for the lack of company. After a bit, he finished his dinner and set the empty bowl aside. He was still fixated with the movie but eventually his thoughts drifted a bit. He wanted to be closer to Phil, he felt too far away already. He just wasn’t brave enough to come out and say it. He sighed to himself as he tried to think of a way to get closer without making it look like a conscious effort.

Phil felt like he was on a date, and he didn't like it. There was an anxious tremor under his skin, and he could feel his heart rate had increased. The room was dark like a movie theater, and the movie made him more nervous than it usually did. Phil was generally the type to laugh these kinds of things off, and joke with the person he was watching the movie with, but he just felt so nervous and unsure of himself. He almost wanted to pull a shirt on, to make himself seem less exposed, but the thought alone was ridiculous to Phil, who had no shame, most days. He curled up into himself a little more, shifting slightly to get closer to Dan until his feet were touching Phil's thigh. He shivered and felt dumb for it. His eyes flicked to Dan and how his fringe had fallen into his eyes, making his face look even softer than normal. Dan was more than just sexy. He was cute, and so big. Like a protector, in a way, and that wasn't something Phil was used to having.

Dan knew he was being ridiculous when the simple fact that he had his feet pressed against Phil made his heart race. Even so there was an urge to be closer, like it just wasn’t enough at the moment. He cleared his throat before sitting up straight again. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked quietly as he leaned into Phil. So maybe it was just a ploy to get the closeness he’d desired, Dan wasn’t going to act like he was better than that though. He didn’t move back to his original position. Instead, he left an empty space on the sofa and instead sat close so that their legs touched instead. “I’ve got some water in the fridge. I think I’ve got sodas as well.” Dan mumbled as his eyes went back to the screen. He wanted to lean in further, wanted to pull Phil towards him.

Dan leaned into Phil, sitting up to do so, and Phil had to hold back a shudder so Dan wouldn't know just how it was affecting him. He was surprised by the mumbled question though, the hand stuffed under his thigh shaking at this point. He could feel Dan's heat, and he didn't know if he was desperate for Dan's touch again or not, but something was making his blood boil in a way almost similar enough to what Phil felt when he hadn't had sex in a while. Phil bit his lip. That must be it, right? Maybe it felt different because his body wanted Dan, and not just /anyone/ this time, but Phil couldn't understand any other reason for how his body was reacting. Rather than answering Dan, Phil turned his head and kissed him, his lips pressing softly to Dan's over and over again with a soft suction that was closer to what Phil had felt when he'd promised himself to stop seeing Dan and then changed his mind.

Instinctively, Dan’s eyes fluttered shut and his mouth moved against Phil’s easily. Doing what felt right, he gently placed a hand on Phil’s cheek and sighed into the kiss. He hadn’t realized it, but Phil was quickly becoming everything to Dan. He slipped his hand further against Phil’s cheek until he was burying his hands in thick black hair. He was starting to forget what life was like before he’d met Phil. It was almost frightening. He didn’t want to pull away just yet, however the need for oxygen forced him to slowly break away. His nose brushed Phil’s and he lazily opened his eyes again, wanting to get lost in Phil’s bright blue ones.

The kiss became more and more tender before Phil had even realized it, and it made his chest ache with something he didn't understand. Dan's mouth felt so good, and his hand was in Phil's hair, tangled lightly in the best way. He'd touched his cheeks like Phil was precious to him, and when he eventually stopped kissing Phil, Phil opened his eyes to find that Dan was staring at him through half lidded eyes. Phil found the brown comforting, and had to take a breath to calm his suddenly racing heart. "Uhm. A drink would be nice, yeah," he eventually agreed. When Dan got up, Phil realized he wasn't even hard.

It took a moment for his brain to register what Phil had said, and he ended up holding the other's gaze for seconds too long. "Right, yeah, I'll uh-get you something," he said as soon as it clicked. He was thankful that Phil had agreed to something to drink. Dan felt like he needed a minute now. As soon as he was in the kitchen and out of sight, he exhaled sharply. This was harder than he’d thought. He'd thought living with Phil would be fine. He'd get to have Phil close to him, enjoy his presence, feel his touch, and pretend like everything was fine. Now it was just painful. He'd come so close to letting those words slip just seconds ago, the ones that would send Phil away in a heartbeat. He quickly busied himself with grabbing a couple cans of soda and bringing them back to the living room, just trying to forget the tender moment they’d had all together. He didn’t even know what had possessed Phil to kiss him, but it was his own fault it had turned into what it had.

Phil pressed his hand to his crotch, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. It often took less than a kiss like that to get him hard, and yet here he was, soft as could be. It unnerved him, and he was relieved to have Dan gone so he could have his own personal mini heart attack in private. He didn't understand this. His reactions to Dan had always been different to anyone else, but somehow, this was even worse. This was more frightening. It didn't matter that Phil had recently been taken care of and that could easily account for this, because that usually didn't matter, and it frightened him that things were changing so much. Phil had never been kissed and not gotten hard directly from that. In fact, Phil had never done something even remotely sexual without getting hard - Dan touching him should have been enough incentive, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized how much Dan could get away with without Phil’s body having that natural reaction. His eyes were wide with terror, and he had to work to keep his heart from racing right out of his chest, half hoping by some miracle Dan wouldn’t come back and Phil could avoid this entire situation altogether.

“Did I miss much?” Dan asked as he returned to the living room. He felt like he’d collected himself again. He was a bit calmer now and his thoughts weren’t a whirlwind anymore. He sat Phil’s drink down on the coffee table before climbing back onto the sofa and letting himself sink into it. He was still nervous though and unsure of himself. He popped the tab of his own can and tried to distract himself with taking slow slips and occasionally playing with the now loosened tab. His eyes flickered from his drink to the screen, and then back to Phil.

Still feeling like his entire world had been upturned, Phil shook his head. No, Dan had only missed Phil's mini heart attack, his sudden uncomfortable realization that something here was...wrong. Different. Strange. The revelation was still making Phil’s head spin. He snuck glances at Dan a few times, watching as he seemed to drink as if nothing weird had happened. It unnerved Phil, especially when he could feel his own nervous thrumming, and a desire in the back of his mind begging him to get closer to Dan. Before he knew it, he was leaning over. His head landed softly on Dan’s lap, and he stilled for a few seconds, terrified to move, before rolling over. His hands reached up to unsteadily play with the hem of Dan’s shirt, and it wasn’t much longer before Phil was mouthing at Dan’s soft cock through his pajama bottoms. It wasn’t what Phil wanted, wasn’t what his body and mind were craving, but the strange desire for cuddles and affection scared Phil so bad that he was reverting to what he knew best - and what he knew best was the familiarity of sex.

Dan’s hand instinctively went to Phil’s hair the moment he felt the other’s head resting against his lap. His stomach fluttered with butterflies as he smiled fondly down at Phil, more excited than he could ever say about having Phil willingly make the moves to cuddle so intimately with Dan. Eventually, he settled back into a relaxed position, and the butterflies were replaced with a much more comforting feeling, a warmth that spread over everything. However, it wasn’t long before the warmth was replaced as well, this time with a heat as Phil mouthed at his cock. He sighed softly before closing his eyes for a moment. This wasn’t bad. None of Phil’s touches were. He couldn’t shake the feeling though that he would have been just a bit more content with soft kisses and Phil’s face buried in the crook of his neck as he held him. Of course he wasn’t complaining, though, especially not if this was what Phil wanted. A blow job from Phil’s talented mouth wasn’t exactly something Dan was opposed to.

Dan was getting comfortable against the back of the sofa, making Phil feel more like this was okay than he'd felt before, and he sighed in contentment. This was something he was used to; pleasuring someone else to make them happy. He wasn't used to desiring causal touch or casual comfort. This was something he understood. One hand moved to travel up the bottom of Dan's shirt, and the other moved to pull away the waistband of Dan's pajama bottoms so he could pull his cock out. His mouth immediately moved to cover the head, engulfing it completely as he slurped at the slit. His own eyes were closed, and he hummed in pleasure as he got to taste the heady scent that was Dan.

As Phil continued to mouth at dan, Dan couldn’t help but to feel conflicted. He wanted this, but at the same time he honestly just wanted to be affectionate. All those thoughts were lost though when he felt Phil’s lips slip around his cock. He gasped softly and his hands went back to Phil’s hair, and he gently worked his fingers through the dark strands. He wanted to enjoy this more than anything. Still, somewhere inside, Dan was feeling an edge of unease and question. He focused again on not thinking and instead letting himself get lost in Phil’s hot wet mouth. That wasn’t necessarily hard. The movie was long forgotten and all Dan could really hear was the sound of Phil’s delicious slurps and his own heavy breathing.

Phil grinned around Dan's cock, wanting the fingers in his hair to tighten and pull, to take control. Phil was desperate to be used. He loved it, especially knowing that Dan would never hurt him. He moaned softly, fingers caressing Dan's stomach as he worked his mouth along Dan's length. He flicked his tongue out, meanwhile sucking softly as he hollowed his cheeks. Dan tasted so good, and already he was hard in Phil's mouth. Dan was right. It didn't take much for Phil to get Dan hard for him, and he loved that.

After a bit of Phil working his mouth over him, Dan forced himself to open his eyes, wanting to see Phil. Thankfully he did, because the sight was amazing to say the least. He was watching Phil’s cheeks hollow as he worked Dan’s cock perfectly. He moaned as he watched himself disappear into Phil’s mouth. His breath hitched even further as his fingers tightened their grip. Carefully, he started to tug at Phil’s hair, showing him how much he liked it and that he wanted more. He wanted more of himself in Phil’s mouth, he wanted more moans, more of Phil’s taking all he could.

Phil was bobbing his head now, and Dan was moaning at the feeling, his hands finally starting to work at Phil's hair as Phil sucked around him, taking at least half of Dan's cock at this point. Phil moaned with him, fingers grappling for purchase against Dan's sides, wanting something to keep him feeling sane and centered as he realized, again, that he wasn't hard. He didn't feel that need to get off. He just wanted to be close to Dan, and he didn't know how to do it without something sexual being involved. He sucked harder, whining as Dan tugged at him, and sinking down further in response. He wanted to take all of Dan, and he wasn't going to be done until he had Dan writhing for him. "Tug harder," he panted, pulling off of Dan just long enough to beg him to do just that, and then he was sinking down again, hollowing his cheeks as his mouth moved down lower.

Dan moaned again as Phil asked him to tug harder before sinking back down on him, even lower this time. “Fuck, Phil…so hot,” he said breathlessly as did what Phil had asked. This time, he pulled harder but captiously. He was applying pressure to the back of Phil’s head as he urged the other to go down even further. His fingers were wrapped tightly around Phil’s hair as he tugged again. “Please, fucking-God Phil!” Dan moaned. Everything about Phil was so good. He kept Dan needing and wanting more. “Yeah baby, just like that,” he panted, his hands directing Phil now.

Dan was so good for him, doing everything Phil asked. He took direction so well, even when it was about his own pleasure, and that made Phil feel so good as he pushed himself further, nearly taking Dan all the way. Dan's voice was hot and harsh, and Phil moaned again, eyes screwed shut as Dan held his hair tighter, tugging him up and down. Soon enough, he was leading Phil, helping him drag his head up and down, up and down, at a faster and faster pace, until Dan was also moving his hips. His cock was ramming against the back of Phil's throat, but Phil didn't even care. His eyes opened and he moaned again, begging for more with his eyes as Dan panted above him, head thrown back in ecstasy.

The way Phil looked at him sent another shiver down Dan’s spine. He couldn’t help but buck a little faster as he continued to tug and push at Phil’s head, making him take all his of cock every time. He was more or less face fucking Phil at that point. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. Phil’s eyes were staring up into his, and the way his cock hit the back of his throat, the vibrations from Phil’s, it was all too much. “Not gonna last baby, gonna come,” Dan mumbled, warning Phil of what was about to come. He wanted him to have enough time to pull off if he wanted too.

Phil groaned as Dan called him baby again, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he took Dan, wanting him to spill straight down the back of his throat. It felt so good like this; it always did to Phil. He loved being used and manhandled. He wanted Dan to take charge more. Mostly, though, Phil was just relieved to have found a way to touch Dan without feeling like he was out of line or out of place. Phil's mouth secured further around Dan's cock, sucking harder now that he knew Dan was about to come, and when Dan's hips finally shot forward one last time, and his hands forced Phil's head down, Phil relaxed his throat and took every ounce of cum Dan had to give him.

Dan’s head was thrown back and he was crying out Phil’s name as he came inside his mouth. His fingers didn’t loosen their grip any. Instead, he kept them in place as he watched Phil take it all, swallowing around Dan’s cock. Eventually though, he was pulling back, his breath still erratic and his mind foggy. He brought a finger up the corner of Phil’s lips. There was the slightest bit of cum that had leaked out. Dan wanted him to have it all, every last drop. He pushed the small trail back into Phil’s mouth with his finger with satisfaction.

As Phil pulled away slowly, lifting his head to look at Dan, Dan reached out to touch the corner of his mouth. Intrigued, Phil let him, letting his lips slip open easily enough when Dan pressed that finger into them. The salty taste of Dan's cum was back, and Phil grinned. Dan had this awed sort of look on his face that Phil wanted to put there a million times over again. He licked his lips, looking for any more cum, and took it easily, humming at the taste so Dan would understand that he was enjoying it.

Dan lightly ran his own tongue across his bottom lip before letting his teeth skin down into it. He placed a hand on Phil’s chest, trailing it down until he reached Phil’s cock. He palmed at it, teasing him for a bit, and then pressed their lips together. He melded his lips to Phil’s, then his jaw, and even finally his neck. “Want to make you come too,” he whispered against the other’s skin. “Want you to feel so good for me,” Dan hummed as he brought his hand down with a little more pressure. “Should I suck you off or would you rather me finger you?”

Dan was so fucking hot. He was licking his lips, biting at them in a way that made Phil want to do it himself. He got his chance. Dan was trailing his hands down Phil's body, palming at him, and then he was kissing him, allowing Phil just a second to nip at those perfect plump lips before his mouth was trailing lower. He gasped as Dan spoke, bucking his hips up, but there was no fire in his veins. As hot as Dan's words made him feel inside, they weren't what Phil wanted. For the first time in his life, Phil didn't feel the need to get off. His eyes had fluttered closed, and he'd tilted his head back for Dan to have better access at his neck, but his cock wasn't hard or stiffening with blood. It was soft, and all Phil really wanted was to be in Dan's arms. The thought terrified him. "I don't - you don't have to - I'm fine. I don't want to get off," Phil finally admitted, as humiliating as the words were. He didn't want to get off. He didn't need it. He'd just wanted to feel closer to Dan.

Dan was more than just caught off guard by Phil’s reaction. He was telling Dan that he didn’t want to get off. The last time he’d checked, Phil was a sex addict, wasn’t that the main objective? His heart sunk a bit as he tried to make sense of the situation. His hand stopped all movement and he pulled away from the other’s neck. “What do you mean?” he asked quietly, trying to gauge Phil’s face. Why would Phil suck him off if he wanted nothing in return? That didn’t make sense. “You didn’t just give me a blow job because you thought you owed me right?” Dan asked gently, not wanting Phil to think he was angry, which he wasn’t. He was just sort of saddened. “You don’t have to do those things anymore, Phil. I don’t expect that from you, you know? This isn’t what you being here is about,” he frowned softly as he stared back at Phil. He couldn’t understand where he was coming from. “We’re friends with some extra benefits, which means we both get off.”

Phil could feel his heart in his throat, and wasn't that a strange feeling? Dan was looking at him so earnestly, and he looked positively heartbroken at the thought that Phil had gotten Dan off purely because he'd felt like he'd owed it to Dan. That wasn't it at all, though, but Phil didn't know how to explain that he'd just wanted to be close to Dan but didn't know how to do so. "No, it's not - I know I don't - I know I don't owe you..." he mumbled, feeling stupid as he moved to more easily settle in Dan's lap. He was already here, why not make himself comfortable and get what he wanted? It still terrified him that he wanted the casual affection to begin with. Wasn't that crossing some kind of line into romantic territory? Phil bit his lip, lifting his gaze up to Dan's worried one. "I just....wanted to be close to you. But I didn't know how else to do so," he finally admitted bitterly, terrified that Dan was going to reject his desire for affection. "Cuddling you felt like crossing a line, though. I didn't - I don't want to do that to you. I don't want to imply feelings to you. I don't - I don't want to get you too invested in me."

It made sense now. What Phil said practically broke Dan’s heart, it was so crushing. Phil didn’t know any other way to get affection, he didn’t know how to be close to someone without having some form of sex with them. He instantly wrapped his arms around Phil and pulled him as close as he possibly could. “What did I say about me falling in love with you?” Dan mumbled as he pressed his lips to Phil’s hair. “I said I wasn’t going to right? You don’t need to worry about cuddling. It’s fine, we’re friends now, sometimes friends do that,” Dan added hoping it would sooth Phil some. Of course what he said was a lie. Dan knew what love felt like. Every time he looked into Phil’s eyes his heart would melt and he knew there was nothing else it could be but love. Still, Phil didn’t need to know that. “Don’t be scared to ask for affection, don’t be scared to ask for something that isn’t sex,” Dan whispered. “We’re friends, that’s all I want. We can touch, cuddle, kiss, and it doesn’t have to lead up to anything else. Including sex or love.”

Phil's eyes immediately went wide as Dan dragged him into a hug, arms tight around his low back. Phil's head automatically fell into the crook of Dan's neck, and he closed his eyes as Dan dropped his head on top of his. This was closer to what he wanted. This was genuine affection. This was comfort. This was something Phil wasn't used to, but suddenly craved so much. He felt his eyelashes getting wet as Dan spoke to him, voice so earnest and sincere, promising again that he wasn't going to fall in love with Phil, and that Phil could have anything and everything he wanted without fear. Hands shaking slightly, he reached up to press them to Dan's sides, and closed his eyes. There was so much emotion in Dan's voice, and he sounded so distressed at the idea of Phil not understanding anything /but/ sex that Phil started to realize just how insane that was. "Okay," he finally whispered. "I'll try," he agreed, and held onto Dan's sides tighter. He felt like a little boy, sitting in Dan's lap like this with his legs on either side of Dan, but he didn't want to move, and he didn't want Dan to stop hugging him, and he didn't want to lose this. This was so much more than he'd ever had before.

For a moment, Dan just let them stay like that. He breathed deeply and evenly as he felt Phil’s face press into the space between his neck and shoulder. Even after he’d just promised Phil that he didn’t love him, he wanted to tell him that he did. He wanted to let those three words slip out so badly. If only he could whisper them into Phil’s ear and have them returned. Dan knew that wasn’t a possibility though. For them to both get what they wanted, he couldn’t say anything. “Are you tired?” he whispered after a long few minutes. “We can finish the movie tomorrow and head to bed if you want,” he said pressing another kiss to the top of Phil’s head. This was very affectionate and it /was/ crossing the line between romantic and sexual, but as long as Phil allowed it, he wasn’t going to try and put a stop to it.

Phil shook his head, marveling at the feeling of Dan kissing him so casually and without the intent for more. "I'm not tired. And besides, we haven't even...we have two days before we go to dinner with your parents. Don't we need to learn about each other? It's still early. It's only seven." Even with every word out of Phil's mouth, he knew it was only half true. Yes, he wasn't tired, and yes, he wanted to start making strides to making this pretend relationship feel real, but Phil was afraid that Dan would offer for them to go to bed together if Phil didn't stop clinging to him, and at the same time, Phil wasn't ready to leave Dan's side. This was the safest option. He pulled back from Dan and climbed out of his lap, pressing against his side instead. "I thought it would be good for us to learn some things about each other."

“Alright, we can do that,” Dan nodded in agreement as Phil moved to press up against his side. He was a bit disappointed at the fact that Phil was no longer seated in his lap, but it was still nice to have him close. “Okay, what should I know?” he asked. “I mean, what do you think is going to be asked? Where do we start?” Dan frowned as he tried to decide what they needed to learn about each other. It was different when you knew someone or lived with them for years. You learned everything slowly and naturally. Now it felt like they were rushing for time as they tried to figure everything out. “Did I tell you I like electric toothbrushes over the other ones?” he said, tilting his head some. Maybe they could just start there.

Phil had to think for a moment. Dan's mum didn't seem like she was going to ask the silly things, like what types of movies they liked, but she did seem like the type to jump on the fact that Dan and Phil lived together. Surely, they would know each other's personal habits and routines. They'd probably have discussed their thoughts on their future as well. Maybe they could start there. Still, before Phil could speak up, Dan was coming out with the fact that he preferred electric toothbrushes to manual, and Phil couldn't help but burst into laughter. He reached up to cover his mouth, hating that his tongue stuck out, and shook his head. "Oh yeah? I'm more a fan of the manual. The buzz hurts my ears," Phil admitted. "But I thought we could talk about the more serious stuff. Kind of. Routines, habits, things that annoy us about each other. Our ideas for the future. Stuff like that."

Phil’s smile was so pretty, Dan wished he wouldn’t cover it up. Phil was asking him to think of more serious things though, and that was enough to distract him into more serious thought. “Uh, I don’t really have too many ideas for the future…” Dan trailed off with a frown. He’d always known he was sort of boring. Now he was being forced to accept just how uninteresting he really was. “I mean, I sort of figured I’d stay at the firm. I’m a partner so it makes sense career wise,” Dan said hesitantly, wondering what Phil thought of that. “I feel like it wouldn’t be as productive to start my own business. At some point, I’d like to travel, get married eventually, maybe have kids someday,” Dan rushed, trying to find things to add to what he wanted from life. “What about you?”

Phil watched Dan's expressions intently, finding himself more intrigued than he'd thought he would be. It did make sense for him to stick with the firm, and his father would probably pass it down to him in the future anyway. "You still want to get married and have kids, even after you - after discovering that you like men?" Phil wondered, unable to help the words from coming out. He had to think for a moment to consider his own future. "I don't think I'll ever get married. I don't think I could. I don't think I'm able to love, and isn't that what marriage is all about? If I can't be a father and get married though, I'd like to be an uncle. My brother has a lovely girlfriend. She helps with our zine sometimes. I'd like to take the zine further in the future as well. Maybe have someone else to help, introduce more to it, gain some publicity. My zine is pretty much my life..." Phil trailed off, realizing the one other flaw in his plan. "I guess I'd either need to...get help, for my addiction, or I'd have to find someone who'd stay with me without love if I wanted any kind of partner in the future though," he added, voice much quieter at that point.

Dan already knew the answer to Phil’s question before he even asked it. “Yes. I still want a family of some kind, even if...even if the kids wouldn’t be biologically mine, or even if I...even if I just had a partner, in the long run,” he explained, and then shut up as Phil continued on, much more interested in anything Phil had to say than in his own thoughts of the future. But the longer Phil spoke, the less Dan knew how to reply. He thought about himself, and if he could really be with Phil if there wasn’t any love there. How could he? It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Still, he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to have Phil by his side as long as he could. Were things really okay the way they were now, with Dan having much deeper feelings than Phil? He didn’t want to think about those things anymore. He couldn’t make anyone fall in love with him, and Phil had made it clear many times before. Most of the time when Dan didn’t know what to do, he did nothing instead. “I’m sure it’s good, you need to let me see it sometime,” he smiled with another short nod. “Phil I’m…I think you can love someone, you just have to find the right person. And if you want to do something about your addiction, like talk to someone, I can help you. I mean, not me personally…well you /could/ talk to me, but I figured you’d want to talk to a professional or something. It’s up to you really,” Dan rushed, fumbling over his words. “I just want you to be happy with everything you do.”

Phil smiled softly, finding Dan's words sweet, but he didn't agree. He shook his head gently. "No, Dan, I don't think I can love. It's not that I haven't found the right person, it's that I found the wrong person. Have you ever wondered why I'm like this? I've been like this since high school. I didn't exactly have my heart broken, but...but I guess you could say I had my innocence ruined, in more ways than one. I don't think I could ever trust /anyone/ enough to love, after...after that." Taking Dan's hands in his, because Dan had said it was okay, Phil squeezed them. "But thank you for the offer. I might...maybe. Maybe I'll take you up on it, someday. Before I leave." That would hopefully be a long time coming. Phil didn't plan on leaving until Dan fell in love. For now, Phil was selfish enough to want him all to himself.

All he could do was hold Phil’s hand and listen. Dan wondered if Phil was right. What if he couldn’t love? He quickly shook the thought off. No, everyone could love, right? Maybe Dan was just being selfish. Phil could still be happy without ever being in love with someone. Why couldn’t he be? Still, he wanted to tell him, ‘you can love me’ or ‘I can wait forever for you to love me back if that’s how long it takes’. Dan, of course, decided on saying nothing instead. He could only nod carefully, letting Phil know he understood. It didn’t seem right though. How could someone truly live life without loving someone else? Even if that love was never returned, at least you still experienced the emotion. Was Phil really an exception to the rule? “I’m sorry he hurt you,” he whispered softly. He might have ruined Phil’s innocence, but Dan didn’t think he’d ruined /him/. Dan still thought Phil was perfect. “Don’t let him take anything else from you though,” he added, lacing their fingers together. The atmosphere around them had turned tense and heartfelt, and Dan found himself gulping, unsure how to move in, but able to see in Phil’s eyes that he wanted too. “So…” he started awkwardly. “What about me annoys you?” he asked with a smile, desperately wanting to lighten the mood some.

Phil's heart felt heavy at the words, and he nodded slowly, enjoying the way Dan's fingers felt laced through his own. He rarely spoke about his first romantic experience, even less so about the effects on him, but it helped a little, telling Dan. He didn’t know if he could promise Dan that he wouldn’t let those memories take more from him though, when it already felt they’d taken everything. Desperate to change the subject, Phil bit his lip and squeezed Dan’s fingers again, nudging him subtly to change the subject until Dan finally did and he was able to relax, laughing at his non-sequitur. "I don't know you enough to know what annoys me about you. I just thought maybe we could tell each other annoying habits we have, and go from there," Phil teased, squeezing Dan's fingers. "You're so strange, but in the best way. It's good to be strange." Phil had to pull their hands apart so he could get into a better position with his legs over Dan's thighs, and he was cuddled into his arm. "I hum, when I'm working. I'm a heavy sleeper. I don't know how to shut up when I'm passionate about something. I chew loudly, and I drink more coffee than I eat meals in a day. What are some of your annoying habits?"

Was it bad that Dan found most of those traits endearing? Those were all things he could defiantly live with. He’d let himself get so caught up in thinking about Phil’s traits that he almost missed the other’s question. “My annoying habits?” Dan asked, making sure he’d been paying enough attention. He shifted some so that he could run his hand up and down Phil’s side. “Sometimes I think about the meaning of life and I throw myself into a crisis,” he sighed before going on. “I’m awkward, I always tend to say the wrong thing at the worst time, I’m socially inept, and I’d rather be inside than outside. Compared to my habits, yours seem pretty acceptable.”

"If it helps, I'm pretty awkward too. And I'd rather be inside than outside," Phil agreed, humming lightly as Dan's fingers trailed against bare skin. "Although I'll admit, being a call boy has definitely helped in a lot of ways when it comes to being awkward," he added with a small chuckle. He personally thought Dan always knew what to say. He'd always been so understanding with Phil, though he could definitely see the awkwardness from their first few interactions. "Those don't seem like particularly annoying traits though. Are you a blanket hog? Because I hate that. Oh! I've got something I know will annoy you. I leave all the cupboards open, and I eat cereal dry from the box!"

“Phil, no!” Dan laughed, nudging the other playfully. “Not the cupboards,” he grinned. “I’m going to end up having to go behind you and close everything before picking up dry cereal off the floor,” he rolled his eyes before once again pulling Phil close. “As long as you don’t eat /my/ cereal dry and from the box, we might be able to make this work. At least get a bowl,” he teased. “I’m not so much of a blanket hog. More along the lines of a space hog. I cuddle in my sleep and refuse to let people get more than a couple inches away from me. I think I snore sometimes, I’m never sure.”

Phil laughed, the sound louder than he'd expected. Rather than reaching up to cover his mouth, however, he hid the expression in Dan's shoulder. "I'll probably be stealing your cereal, and I doubt I'll use a bowl," Phil admitted, finally pulling away to smile up at Dan. He was grinning down at Phil, eyes sparkling, and Phil felt his heart thump harder in his chest. "You don't snore," Phil assured him in a quieter voice. "But you definitely are a space hog. I don't mind that though. Surprisingly," Phil admitted, ducking his face away from Dan. "Uhm. Well. What annoys you in?"

Dan knew he’d never get over Phil’s smile and how it made him feel whole. He didn’t know he’d been incomplete until he’d met Phil. “Things that you do, or just general?” he asked, not being able to erase his mile. “Well, I’m not an open cupboard fan, but I can make do. Uh, let’s see what else…” he trailed off, trying to think of things that annoyed him. It was harder than he thought it would be. “I don’t like the sound of construction, I don’t think anyone does though. Thankfully I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I don’t like being late. I always am though. I don’t like people who sit too close to me on the subway, or uh when people say I sound too posh.”

"Just in general," Phil agreed, listening intently as Dan gave Phil a few examples. It startled him to hear that people sometimes said he had a posh voice. "You don't sound too posh," Phil murmured, unsure where the tenderness in his voice was coming from, but tender nevertheless. He leaned in to kiss Dan, because Dan said he could, and lingered for a second longer than necessary. "I like your voice," he added. "I get anxious when I'm late, and I can't stand loud noises. They make me nervous. When I was a kid, I used to hide in the restroom during football games because the cheers were too loud and I didn't understand them. People who walk too slow in the middle of the pavement drive me crazy, and I hate when people act like they're better than you for any reason," Phil continued, figuring they could just get into some of their deeper thoughts here.

It made Dan smile to know that Phil didn’t think he used too many long words in his sentences. Even better, he liked his voice. He listened in return, his heart aching some at the thought of Phil hiding from the loud sounds. He laughed lightly before nodding. “Yeah, I hate slow walkers. Usually it’s someone staring at their phone instead of watching what they’re doing. My dad is bad about it,” he added. “Sometimes clients drop me and ask for someone else, mainly because I’ve only been a lawyer for a couple years. I don’t know if they think they’re better than me, but they defiantly think I don’t know anything.”

Phil frowned. He couldn't imagine wanting a lawyer who wasn't Dan. Dan was the type of person who truly cared about you, even if you were a stranger. Wasn't that the best kind of lawyer to have on your side? "That's stupid. That's what I mean though. People don't even give you a chance to show them that you're just as good as them," Phil mused, feeling a little bit hurt on Dan's behalf. "I'd keep you on," Phil added softly, smiling at Dan. He shuffled around in his arms a bit. "What should we tell your mum? About our personal plans for the future?"

Dan let Phil readjust before he placed his arms at the other’s side once again. It seemed to be his favorite place to rest his hands now. “I don’t know if we want to tell her that we have plans to get married, but I think we might add that it was talked about. I think we should just let her know that we have no intentions of being apart,” Dan sighed softly. He was starting to feel guilty again. Was it really fair for him to drag Phil into all this? As thankful as he was, it still felt like he was using him to an extent. “Thank you again, for doing this for me.”

"Okay. Just, we're in love, and we don't know about marriage yet, but we're definitely devoted to each other," Phil agreed. "Maybe...maybe that we want to adopt?" Phil asked, afraid he was pushing it, but he knew that if he could ever love Dan, he would want to adopt kids with him. "I think you'd be a great father," Phil added, curling his body into Dan's so he could rest his head against his chest. "Stop thanking me, I want to help. I feel like I need to help everyone I can when it comes to this. I want to be...I want to do something for the people who don't have it as easy as I did," Phil explained, similar to how he'd explained his zine to Dan.

Phil was so good, Dan didn’t know how other didn’t realize it. Phil wasn’t obligated to help, yet he still wanted to. He leaned in so he could press another soft kiss to the top of Phi’s head. He was really enjoying the new open affection they’d agreed to. Again, the words threatened to slip from his mouth. They would be so easy to say. “I don’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t for you,” Dan whispered. He really didn’t know though. “I’d probably just keep lying to my mum and telling her that I was straight. Which would probably end with me being stuck in some god awful marriage with a divorce under my belt before I was twenty eight.”

It felt nice, to have Dan dropping kisses to the top of his head. He felt almost like - almost like he was loved. Phil had never been loved in his entire life. Not once. It made the feeling so much more intense, and though Phil nearly wanted to run away, he wanted to stay even more. That should terrify him more than it did. He frowned, though, when Dan said that, because the very idea of it made Phil's heart break. "You deserve better than that. You shouldn't have to lie about who you are, and you shouldn't be forced to be with anyone." The very idea of Dan being unhappy was painful for Phil. Dan had given Phil everything, had taken him away from a situation he shouldn't be in anymore, and was giving Phil sex without feelings without complaining. Dan deserved the world, for how kind a person he was. "I want you to find someone to love," Phil added, even though part of him so badly didn't. He wanted to keep Dan for himself.

Dan didn’t know what to say. His chest tightened, and he wished he could explain to Phil that he had. No, Phil wanted him to find someone else to love. The other might not have thought of it, but for Dan it was a small subtle reminder that he wasn’t the one. It hurt knowing that Phil was so right for him and yet Phil didn’t share those same feelings. He closed his eyes, painfully aware of how the silence was starting to grow. What could he say? He wanted to laugh. Phil had warned him about this. It was almost funny and at the same time it was anything but. They had made it past Phil just being his call boy, and yet Dan was still breaking all of the rules. “Yeah,” he whispered softly. Why did he have to go and get his hopes up?

Phil glanced up. Dan looked...sad, in that reply. Did he not think he'd ever find someone to love? Phil couldn't help the excitement growing in his chest at the very thought of that - of being able to keep Dan all to himself for the rest of their lives. But that wasn't fair. Phil should be encouraging him that he would find someone someday...Still. The words that came out of Phil's mouth next weren't exactly what he'd intended. "I'll always be here, until then," he murmured. "Until you find someone to love. And I know you will, because who couldn't love you? I'll be here." Even he felt like his words weren't exactly helpful, as why would Dan want him to stay? He wanted love, not just sex. And Phil couldn't blame him. Still. It was all that he could offer. He sighed, leaning in and kissing Dan long and passionately. He pressed himself against Dan, trying to reassure the only way he knew how. Their mouths felt so right together. Dan just felt so right for Phil in general. He wanted to cry, just at the thought of losing Dan, and he hardly knew the man. "Come on. It's time for bed. Maybe we should sleep in proper beds tonight," he said upon pulling away. He already knew he was going to dread going into his own room, but he couldn't push more than he already had. They were friends with benefits. I wasn't fair of Phil to ask for so much more. Cuddling, casual kisses, fine. But sleeping in the same bed if they hadn't just had sex? Never.

Dan had to keep himself from saying, ‘you can’t’ when Phil asked who couldn’t love him. The next thing he felt was Phil’s lips on his though. It was probably a good thing if he was honest. It was getting harder and harder to keep himself from saying the things he so badly wanted to. With Phil’s mouth against his, it was a challenge to say anything. Eventually, Phil pulled away, and Dan was left with an empty feeling inside. He didn’t want to be apart. He wanted to hold Phil while he slept, wanted to feel the others skin against his, to be reassured with the constant sound of Phil’s breathing. “Yeah, it’s getting late,” he nodded before sending Phil a small smile that he couldn’t really feel. “I’ll see you in the morning?” he asked quietly. He was hoping that by some slim chance, Phil would want to follow him to bed. At least then he could keep pretending.

Phil nodded, already climbing off of Dan from how he'd settled himself with his legs over Dan's. "I'll see you in the morning," he agreed, smiling as he leaned back in for one last kiss. "Maybe don't be surprised if I wake you up for something else. What time do you have to be at work?" he wondered, already imagining that he'd wake up horny and needy for Dan, and trying to plan that for a good wake up call. Maybe Phil could become Dan's new alarm. He smiled at the thought, offering Dan a hand to help him up.

“I can push it till ten,” Dan said, a real smile on his face now. “I wouldn’t mind a wakeup call,” he added. If this was all he was going to get out of their arrangement, then he wanted to get all he could. Finally, with another quick goodbye, Dan was heading back to his room and silently shutting the door behind him. He sighed softly as he took in his familiar surroundings. He thought about opening the door again, maybe hinting to Phil that he didn’t want to sleep alone, but it didn’t take long for Dan to push that thought aside. Instead, he turned off the light, and turned the television on before crawling under his blankets.

Turning off Dan's PS4 and the movie they'd stopped watching long ago, but which had started over on a loop sometime while they'd been talking, Phil climbed into bed. He'd yet to sleep in it, and it felt heavenly against his sore muscles. He was tired, for the first time in a while, and maybe it was just from the dramatic change he'd gone through over the course of the past few days that had made him feel like this, or maybe it was the fact that he'd gone the longest he'd ever gone without sex, only to have Dan finally help him, and find that he nearly couldn't come. Either way, Phil almost immediately drifted to sleep, surrounded by his belongings, and surprisingly comfortable in his new room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 18,750 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : Discussions of barebacking, fingering, blowjobs, edging, riding, past minor character death
> 
> are you ready?

Phil woke up the way he'd expected to. It was eight am, much earlier than Dan had said he had to go to work, but Phil was burning with need. He could feel the slow ache under his skin, burning him up, and his cock was already hard. He was on his stomach, grinding into the sheets, but he knew that he needed more than just a quick grinding session against his own blankets all on his own. As he'd suggested to Dan last night, Phil climbed out of bed and immediately made his way into Dan's room. His fingers were careful on the doorknob, cautious, unsure, but he pressed the door open anyway. He could see Dan curled up on his bed, and immediately made his way towards him. As he climbed into Dan's bed, he heard the man murmur something softly that he couldn't make out. Still, it was cute, and Phil couldn't help smiling as he reached up to cup Dan's cheek. As gently as he could, he leaned in to kiss Dan sweetly, trying to keep the kiss light as he moved to wake up Dan, but the minute their lips pressed together the zing that ran through Phil made him forget everything, and suddenly he was dragging their bodies together, the fire lighting into him once again. He ground his hips forward into Dan's, doing his best to wake him up, desperate to have Dan's hands on him. When Dan made a noise of confusion, Phil pulled away. "Touch me. Need you, Dan."

Instantly, Dan decided that Phil was the best thing he could ever wake up to. Soft lips were pressed to his, kissing him tenderly, but mere seconds later the softness turned into heat as Dan felt a hard cock grinding down against him. There was confusion for a moment while his brain tried to process everything, but then he was coming fully awake, bleary eyed but definitely turned on. “You weren’t lying,” Dan mumbled, a lazy smile on his face. He was more than glad to give Phil anything he wanted. Right away, his hands were all over Phil; his hips, his back, his chest - anywhere Dan could touch, he was. Soon enough, he felt his own cock twitching and straining against his pajama pants. He was starting to become just as needy as Phil.

Phil nodded his head breathlessly. "Never lying," Phil admitted. "Not when it comes to this." He gasped as Dan pressed his lips to Phil's neck, sucking aggressively against the skin there, and Phil moaned. "Hickey. Want you to give me a hickey," he begged. He hadn't had one in ages, in five fucking years, and suddenly he needed it desperately. Dan's lips sucked harder against him, giving him what he wanted, and the sound from his throat became louder and more drawn out. "Fuck," he groaned, loving the way Dan's hands felt stroking down his back, reaching for his ass and cupping him roughly. It felt so good to have Dan touching him, and even in the sluggish moments of him having just woken up, Phil felt amazing. When Dan pulled away from his throat, Phil pressed in to kiss him again, his own hands moving down to press against Dan's ass. "Want you. Need you. Don't think I'll be be able to wait all day otherwise."

Dan couldn’t really believe that Phil was asking for a hickey from him. That had been the number one rule. It only reminded him just how much they’re dynamics had changed. “Anything you want,” he whispered as his hands lingered on Phil’s ass before he started to play with the waistband. Part of him wanted to take it slow, but Phil’s hot wanting words made it hard for Dan. Phil seemed to need ‘right now’ more than he needed slow at the moment. “Wanna be inside you,” he mumbled as he moved his lips back to the other’s neck, determined to leave another mark.

Phil groaned lowly, feeling pleasure spike through him and his cock pulse at Dan's words. Dan's mouth was back against his neck, but what Phil really wanted was to have Dan inside of him, just the way the other man seemed to want him as well. He bucked his hips again, rolling Dan over until he was straddling his hips. Dan's mouth popped away from his throat from the movement, but seconds later, he was sucking at Phil's neck again. It was clear he wanted to leave another hickey, and Phil didn't mind. He loved the feel of Dan leaving marks against his skin, and the amazing pleasure of his lips on him. "Condom. Lube. Need to make a fucking appointment," Phil groaned, rolling his hips into Dan's and already working his pajama bottoms off of him. Dan's hands helped, pressing past the waistband and dragging them down, stroking at Phil's thighs as he did so.

Dan decided that not bothering with condoms would save at least three minute, and every minute counted when he was with Phil. He could already imagine the feeling of being inside Phil with nothing separating them, no thin layer of latex, just Phil. Maybe he’d make that appointment today. He couldn’t think too much on it though, he was too busy fumbling around and leaning over so that he could pull out a condom and the lube. He worked between moans and gasps. Eventually, he managed to get everything out of the drawer and throw it on the bed before connecting their lips together once again.

It sucked, when Dan was forced to pull away from him to do what Phil had asked, but Phil took advantage of that fact to pull Dan's pants down just low enough that his cock was poking out and Phil could sit on it the minute he was prepped. He was too anxious to have Dan finger him this time, so as Dan rolled the condom onto himself, Phil grabbed the lube and prepped three fingers to press deep inside of himself. He moaned lowly as the first pressed in, and then Dan was dragging him back down into a kiss, his lips bruising but wonderful against Phil's. He rolled his hips back against his hand, pressing a second in without hesitation and scissoring himself, taking it as slow as he could force himself to, to avoid the pain of sudden penetration.

Dan dragged his lips away from Phil, wanting to watch Phil’s face as he pressed another finger inside of him. Part of him wanted it to be his fingers inside of Phil, stretching him out and getting him ready. However, being able to watch was amazing all on its own. “You’re so hot like this,” Dan mumbled, his mouth going slack. Nobody had ever needed Dan like that before, to the point where they were waking him up and crawling all over him.

Phil squeezed his eyes shut, biting at his lip as he worked himself open, finally sliding a third finger in. He huffed a laugh as Dan informed him of how he looked, and squinted to take in Dan's expression, surprised to find him slack jawed with arousal. Phil could feel his cock against his thigh, and he wanted it inside of him already. "Yeah?" Phil mumbled. "Bet I'll look even hotter sitting on your cock," he puffed out, whining and slamming his eyes shut again as he crooked his fingers and pressed into his prostate.

Dan didn’t need to bet on that fact; he knew Phil would look even better on his cock. “Need to put this on,” he mumbled before shifting around to find where he’d thrown the condom. He wanted to watch Phil, but he figured now would be a good time to roll the condom on. He wasted no time ripping open the foil and getting situated. Phil’s loud and strained moan had Dan’s eyes snapping back once again to watch.

Phil smirked as Dan's voice came out breathless and needy, crying out again as he pressed back into his prostate for a second time. Deciding to make a show out of it, Phil sat upright and rode his fingers properly, head thrown back and cheeks red. He knew his adam's apple would be bobbing, and he knew he'd look irresistible like that. He wanted to drive Dan crazy, and then he'd ride Dan's cock instead of his fingers. Warm hands came up against his hips, and fingers tightened in the best way. Phil moaned again, bouncing on himself harder, and squinting his eyes open to watch Dan's face. "Beg me," he growled.

“Please, fuck please baby?” Dan gasped as his cock started to ache. He’d do anything to be inside of Phil. His face was flushed and he looked like pure sex. He wanted to replace long thin fingers with himself instead. “Please, I can’t wait…so hard for you, need to be inside you baby,” Dan moaned, his hands gripping just a bit tighter now. “Can’t take it,” he mumbled, his eyes half lidded. Phil always had this effect on him. His hands moved again, this time brushing over Phil’s erection. “Wanna make you feel good.”

The part that actually got to Phil was probably Dan's hand brushing against his erection, desperately reaching out for him and showing Phil just how badly he needed exactly what he was saying he wanted. He groaned lowly, reaching down to bat Dan's hand away, and then he was pulling off of himself. "God, baby. Dan. Dan, fuck," he moaned, gripping tight to Dan's cock with the force of his desire. He moved to hover over Dan's cock, panting with his eyes half closed, dazed with the force of Dan's need for him. It felt so good to be wanted, and not just because he was a hot call boy. "Anything for you," he moaned, and then he was sinking down with a loud gasp.

As soon as Phil sunk down onto him, it felt like everything was the way it should be, like the planets were in perfect alignment and everything was right with the world. “Phil!” Dan cried out. He felt particularly needy today, but he didn’t know if it was from their conversation last night, or the fact that he’d just woken up. His hands were running up and down Phil’s chest, then back to his hips, then to his sides, and eventually to his lower back - anywhere he could touch, he was. He bucked his hips, wanting more. Still, Phil had this element of control that Dan found incredibly hot.

Phil gasped as Dan called out his name, hands immediately going to run against Phil's skin, and there was no pause as Phil started to ride him properly. Dan's hands were so warm against him. Big, engulfing. Dan was so crazed for him, his hips bucking up into Phil, helping Phil to ride him as his hands pressed to his low back, stopping there to squeeze and hold onto gently. Phil moaned at the feeling, rolling his hips into it. It was so wonderful to be held while he took charge; and take charge he did. He rode Dan hard, head still thrown back, and lips bitten red from the force of him holding back his own sounds. His ears were filled with the sound of Dan's pleasured cries and calls of his name, and the heat underneath his skin was beginning to grow stronger as he fought to reach his climax. Fumbling at Dan's chest, Phil reached down to hold himself up, gasping as he felt his body began to tremble. He felt weak the longer he rode Dan, weak with pleasure. He moved down to kiss Dan, and finally moaned into his mouth, his hips still moving as he practically bounced on top of Dan. "So loud for me. I love it," Phil moaned into the kiss, rolling his hips more and reaching down to stroke at his own cock. He felt in control, unlike the last few days, and it was wonderful. Dan was perfect, letting Phil do what he wanted with his cock. Phil moaned again, rolling his hips and bucking into his hand and trying so, so hard to finish.

Dan was lost in the pleasure already. Phil was bouncing up and down on his cock, and Dan was just doing his best to keep his eyes open. He’d never get over how perfect Phil looked like this. He was beautiful. He didn’t think many people could continue to have a grace and beauty to them during sex, but Phil did. He wasn’t just hot - Phil was so much more than that. He could hear himself crying out, but even that sound was muffled. He knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer, not with the white hot heat building in his lower belly already. “Baby, fuck,” Dan mumbled as he reached to grab at Phil’s cock again. He knew the other was already pumping himself, but Dan couldn’t help wanting to do it himself. “So good,” he whispered as he continued to buck into the other’s entrance simultaneously. The moment he was able to push Phil away, his hand was wrapped tightly around him, pumping in time with Phil’s movements.

Even when Dan spoke, his voice sounded low and broken, choked up with the pleasure he was feeling. Dan's large hand came down and knocked Phil's away from himself, until Dan was able to fit his hand around Phil's cock instead. Phil let him. Phil let him because he wanted Dan to pleasure him. "I need you so fucking bad, Dan. How am I going to let you go?" he groaned, rocking his hips harder, urging himself farther. Dan was so good to him. Where would Phil ever find someone like him? Still, he couldn't help hoping Dan hadn't heard him, because he didn't know what he'd do if Dan knew just how attached he felt. "So close. Just a little more," he groaned, fucking himself down harder and harder, trying so hard to reach that peak while Dan fucked up into him, hitting his prostate with every thrust, his hand a steady rhythm around Phi's cock. "So fucking good," he groaned, and then he was letting go, gasping and rocking his hips harder as he came, cum spurting out against Dan's hand. Phil fucked himself through it, gasping again as he felt Dan shudder under him, obviously coming inside. On the last thrust, Dan buried himself deep, and Phil couldn't even blame him. He was in his own state of bliss, feeling more than good as he collapsed on top of Dan's chest.

Dan didn’t understand the question. It seemed odd and like something he needed to analyze. He was so close to the edge though that he couldn’t process it. It was something that his ears had caught and that he’d briefly let touch his thoughts. Dan was just lucky to know his own name. Nothing at the moment mattered but Phil. Then he was thrusting into him for the last time, letting go. He could feel the hot liquid against his hand and the feeling of Phil collapsing on his chest. “Fuck,” Dan gasped as he started to come down from this high. How was sex always so great with Phil? It didn’t seem possible. “So good,” Dan mumbled as he heaved another heavy breath. He was absent mindedly wiping his hand against his sheets so that he could wrap his arms around the other.

Phil felt dazed but content. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he pulled in deep breaths, trying to come down, but never really wanting to. The high felt too wonderful, and Dan was so comfortable to lay against. Dan's arms wrapped around him, pulling him in tighter as he whispered something, but Phil couldn't hear him. He could feel himself drifting back to his interrupted sleep instead, and he knew Dan needed to get to work, but he couldn't bring himself to climb off of him. He was too busy shifting his hips so Dan would slip out of him, so lost in hazy pleasure and desire that he couldn’t focus on even trying to stay awake. The tension was gone from his body now that he’d gotten what he’d needed, and before long, he found he was asleep.

Dan laid awake, knowing that if he let himself fall asleep he wouldn’t have the motivation to force himself to get back up. It was peaceful having Phil sleeping against his chest. He quickly decided he could stay there all morning if it wasn’t for work. His gaze turned downwards to stare at how peaceful Phil looked in sleep, and then he tried to piece together what Phil had meant earlier. What had he meant? There had been something to Phil’s desperate tone that made him wonder - hope, maybe - that he meant more than just letting Dan go for the day. Had he meant something more? Dan’s heart beat sped up at that, but he couldn’t let himself dwell on it and he knew it. He’d already let his hopes soar too high, and they’d crashed and burned last night. Still, even though Dan told himself not to, Dan imagined what things could be like if Phil loved him. Eventually, he had to carefully shift out from under the other. Making sure Phil was tucked back into bed, Dan slipped out and headed towards the shower. Afterwards, he got dressed, making a pot of coffee and getting ready to leave. Before grabbing his keys and heading out the door though, Dan rummaged around the living room until he found what he was looking for. He quickly scrawled out a note for Phil. It was simple and only told him to have a good day, that he’d see him at around five, and to call if he needed anything. He placed it under the remote on the coffee table, and hurried out the door.

When Phil woke up, Dan was gone and he was tucked into Dan's bed. He didn't remember Dan moving him or tucking him in, but it still made him smile despite himself. He sat up with a yawn, realizing that he was kind of sticky from his own cum earlier, and sighed as he decided he mine as well take a shower to start his day. As he did get up, he couldn't help looking around Dan's room, though he'd seen it a thousand times before when Dan had hired him. It felt different now, though, and Phil took the time to really take in the dark color scheme, and the perfectly symmetrical set up all of his things. It made Phil smile as he left Dan's room, because it just felt so intimate to see. He took a shower quickly before going into the lounge to find a note left from Dan that made Phil's heart clench, but he pushed the thoughts away as he went back into his room after breakfast to work on finishing his zine for the month.

It was more or less an average day. Dan was at the office for a few hours before leaving to meet a client in court. They won their case, but Dan had expected the judge to rule in their favor. He wished he could say it was an exciting win or at the very least a big case, but it wasn’t, not really. It was just another average day in court, helping some angry ex-wife keep the house and both cars. He sighed after packing up his briefcase for the day. He sent a message to his father, letting him know how it had went, before taking off. He tried not to let himself feel guilty over court. Inevitably though, he’d left someone with no house, no car, and only forty perfect of his assets. He ran a hand over face before starting the drive home.

It wasn't as difficult that day to keep himself from going out to find someone to fuck him, despite Dan promising to be home later than he had been the previous day. Phil felt pleasantly buzzed from his morning orgasm for a few hours, and when the prickling need came back, Phil was able to focus on the feel of Dan inside of him in order to keep himself in the flat. His entire focus was on his zine, and the few pages of drawings and fun that he always stuck in, which helped as well. Mostly, though, he thought of Dan and how much better it would feel if he could just wait. Around five, Phil finally heard the front door opening, and he didn't waste a moment. He was stripping as he left his bedroom, discarding clothes and hoping Dan would willingly fuck him in his suit again. His hands came around Dan's neck the moment he saw him, and he dragged him into a desperate kiss.

Dan didn’t miss a beat. The second Phil was in his arms, Dan was kissing him back just as passionately, having expected the greeting today. He welcomed the way Phil was on him the moment he opened the door. He loved the way he hardly had time to step inside before he was pulled into a heated kiss. He closed his eyes and returned it with just as much desperation. He could forget everything bad about the day and get lost in Phil all over again. The moment he was home, it was no longer about work. Instead, everything he had went to Phil.

Dan seemed extra desperate that day, like he needed Phil to make him forget what had happened, so Phil decided that was what he would do. If Dan wanted to talk about what was on his mind, they could talk about it later. For now, Phil pressed his now naked body flush against Dan's, and whispered, "Want you to fuck me in your suit again," as huskily as possible. He reached to rub his palm against Dan's quickly growing bulge, and pulled him back into a kiss.

While that morning had been all slow touches, or at least Dan had tried, now it seemed fast and heavy. One moment he was kissing and nipping at Phil’s plump, luscious lips, and the next he was rushing to his room to find a condom and some lube. It wasn’t hard to find; he knew where he’d left it from that morning. Then he was pushing Phil back against the sofa, not exactly wanting Phil to deal with another rug burn on top of the lash marks on his chest and back. “Anything,” Dan mumbled as he pulled himself out of his dress pants. “Look so good like this,” Dan gasped as passed the lube off to Phil, wondering if he’d stretch himself open. It was something that Dan couldn’t get enough of watching. Eventually, he was rolling the condom on, already aching and ready.

It felt like a blur, that's how fast Dan was moving. Phil couldn't bring himself to care when he was feeling just as needy as always. Dan felt so good nipping and kissing at his skin, but moments later Dan was gone, and then he was back and pressing Phil into the couch cushions. Phil moaned at getting the chance to be re pressed up against Dan. He felt a shudder go up his spine, and his cock twitch as he watched Dan pull himself out of his dress pants. This time Phil was on his back, able to watch Dan and see the way he looked still in his dress suit. Ignoring the lube that had been thrown at him, Phil grabbed Dan's tie and dragged him back into a kiss, desperate for the touch. "Want you so fucking bad. Finger me and then fuck me," he growled, spreading his legs and fully ready for Dan to drag his legs around his waist.

Phil asking him to finger him was just as good, though Dan couldn’t hide his disappointment at the lost opportunity to watch Phil do it himself. Still, his breathing picked up the moment Phil spread his legs even further for him, and he forced himself to slow down for a moment. He wanted to take in every bit of Phil. No matter how hard he was, he’d never not make time to appreciate the other. He was perfect, something to treasure. He wondered if anyone ever realized just how precious he was and how lucky they were just to have the opportunity to touch Phil. Before he could become mesmerized with pale skin, Dan reminded himself just what he was doing. He lubed up his fingers and slowly pushed one in.

Dan's fingers pushed in at a slower pace than anything else he'd done that afternoon, but his face was still scrunched with the pressures of the day. Phil gasped at the feeling of it, and pressed his hips into Dan's hand, wanting to encourage him for more, all too understanding of how difficult a time Dan was having, able to see the stress written clear across his face. Phil's heart sped up as Dan pressed into him, and he moaned to distract him, pushing down harder and harder until Dan had three fingers inside and he was fully stretched, prepared to take Dan completely. "Please. What you now," he begged.

As soon as Dan knew Phil was ready, he was pushing inside of him, cock already red and straining through the condom he’d shoved on. He did what he could to be slow and gentle, but everything was catching up to him. His own needs demanded that he take without hesitation. It was only a few seconds of short thrusting before Dan was slamming back into Phil over and over again. He couldn’t pick out his moans from Phil’s anymore. All he knew was that Phil’s body was heavy under him. To be inside that hot clenching heat was a kind of pleasure that Dan would never get used to.

Phil cried out as Dan entered him, vision already beginning to go white with pleasure. He could hardly hear himself as Dan thrust into him, but his grip was tight to Dan's tie, keeping his face close to Phil's as he fucked him in his suit. It was erotic, and it felt so good that Phil couldn't bring himself to let go. He held tighter to his orgasm as it curled in his belly, throwing his head back and drawing Dan tighter to him, his legs wrapped around Dan's waist, running against the fabric of his dress pants.

Dan could feel Phil’s heels digging into his back, the grip on his tie, but all he could focus on was the look on the other’s face. “Fuck, baby so good…wanna cum, want you to finish with me,” Dan gasped as he did everything he could to hold off for a bit longer. He wanted this to last, yet at the same time he knew it couldn’t, not when Phil was so tight around him. So good. He felt like we was being pulled into Phil. He was so deep already. “Please,” he moaned as continued to thrust. He moved his hand in between them, already wrapping his hand around Phil’s cock to pump him.

It was Dan's plea and the way he immediately reached between their bodies to grip Phil that really sent Phil over the edge, and he cried out as his orgasm rushed through him, Dan's big hands pumping him through it. He gasped, arching his back as wave after wave hit him, urging Dan to come as well, and wishing he could feel Dan coming deep inside him, but he couldn't. Not yet. Phil's eyes fluttered closed as he pumped his hips to ride out that last dredge of orgasm, and then he went limp, fringe sweat plastered against his forehead.

His orgasm hit him hard, and for a moment, Dan saw white. He could feel Phil’s own release in his hand and it only added to everything else. With a final strangled moan, he was collapsing against Phil, gasping for breath as he struggled to come down. He didn’t want to pull out, not yet. Instead, he let himself ride out this perfect bliss. “Phil,” he mumbled, his eyes closed as angled his head just enough to press kisses against any skin he could.

Phil moaned softly at the feeling of Dan kissing at his skin again, and he tilted his head so Dan could really get at him, sighing softly as he moved his hands to rub against Dan's back in a soothing way. He felt so good, blissed out, and Dan seemed to crave affection in relation to whatever shitty day he'd had. Phil could give that to him. He could give Dan a way to release his pent up aggression and comfort him afterwards. "Rough day?" he croaked. "Let me take care of you," he murmured, not even caring that Dan was still deep inside him, nor that Dan was fully dressed while Phil was stark naked on his couch. It still made him feel hot and bothered. To prove his words, Phil drew Dan into a kiss by tugging on his tie again, licking into him softly. He waited for Dan to sigh, grinning as he pulled away. "That was as amazing as ever," he added with another grin. "Thank you."

There was an overwhelming sense of comfort in having Phil rubbing his hands down his back. His kiss felt more like home than his penthouse ever had. Dan knew it shouldn’t, but he wouldn’t deny himself these guilty pleasures. “You don’t have thank me,” he smiled before finally pulling out. “It wasn’t a great day, I’ve had worse though,” he sighed again and rolled the latex off himself before he tied it neatly. Regardless of how bad his day was, coming back to Phil made it alright again. “What about your day, tell me how it was?” Dan asked, interested in what Phil had gotten up to. “How’s your back, your chest?” he wondered, turning to look and reaching out to press his fingers very softly to the still angry purple of Phil’s chest.

Phil shrugged as he released Dan's tie, finally allowing him to move freely again. Dan pulled out of him carefully, tying off the condom, and settling on the couch beside him. He didn’t flinch when Dan’s gentle fingers touched his chest, but he did push his hand away with a small smile. “I’m fine. They’re healing fine. I don’t really feel it much anymore, I think I’m too...used to it,” he admitted, and turned his gaze away, vaguely ashamed of the whole situation and not wanting Dan to worry about him more than he clearly already did. "I just worked on my zine. Think I forgot lunch, but I did eat breakfast. Are you hungry?" he asked, wanting to take the attention off of his chest and his magazine for now, still not wanting Dan to see this month's issue. "I'm much further ahead on it than I usually am at this time of the month. I'm thinking I could change it to bi-monthly, now that it's my only job," he wondered allowed, pursing his lips as he realized he'd drawn the attention back to it. He really was further ahead though, but the thought had just occurred to him. "Can I get you something for dinner?" Phil asked, once again trying to change the subject.

Dan had to bite his lip against saying anything in regards to Phil’s wounds, and how blase he was about them. It didn’t help that Dan was fully aware Phil was probably accustomed enough to the pain to completely forget about it, and that was heartbreaking. He had to shake the thoughts off, though, to focus on what else Phil had said. He couldn't deny the burning curiosity to see Phil’s zine. He could sense though when someone was trying to change the subject. Phil seemed to want to get the topic off his zine for the time being. “Maybe some leftover take out?” Dan suggested, knowing how much he’d gotten yesterday. “If you want, afterwards I wouldn’t mind looking at your zine,” Dan hinted, hoping Phil would eventually give in and show him. “I mean, I can wait if you want to finish it all, but I’m excited to see it,” he smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging way.

Phil nodded, making his way into the kitchen and pulling open the refrigerator door. His back tensed as Dan requested seeing his zine again, and he bit his lip as he thought about that question he’d recently answered. Would it be such a dead give away, if Dan did read it? Would Dan even understand the question Phil had answered as being even remotely related to them? Probably not. It was probably just Phil and his overactive imagination assuming that Dan was in love with him, and while his own answer had implied that maybe Phil himself wanted something more in life than what he was getting, he didn’t think Dan would figure it out...But it still frightened Phil, especially considering how much the zine meant to him. It was his entire world, and he'd still never shared it with anyone that he actually knew and who could critique him on the spot. He pulled a few leftover cartons from the fridge, gathering two plates for them and filling them both with food. He glanced behind him at Dan, who was stripping out of his clothes now on his way to his room, as if it didn't bother him what Phil’s answer might be. He watched Dan go, grabbing them two cans of soda from the fridge, and then brought all their food back to the lounge. After placing it on the coffee table, he went looking for his boxers just in time for Dan to return in similar pajamas to last night. Phil glanced up at him, watching Dan's gaze linger on him as he walked by, and tried not to show how nervous it made him. Since when was Phil nervous at someone seeing his naked body? The bruising had gone down, but maybe it was just a fear of showing that weakness. Phil didn't know. He cleared his throat as he joined Dan back on the couch once his boxers had been pulled back on. "You're mum will want to know more about my zine, won't she?" he started, hedging his bets and trying to give himself reason to give in and show Dan, knowing that deep down he wanted to share the thing he prided above all else. "I guess...after dinner, I could show you."

Phil looked good without anything on, Dan couldn’t help noticing. Of course, he looked just as good with clothes on as well, but it was nice to look. Dan always found himself looking at Phil any chance he got. His eyes traveled over the curves and lines of Phil’s body, before he eventually he came back down to the sofa, the smell of food already making his stomach growl. He popped the tab on his soda before nodding. “I think so, she’ll be interested in it,” Dan agreed. His heart leapt when Phil said yes. “Oh, are you sure?” he asked. He was sort of shocked actually. He wanted to smack himself. He’d given Phil an out of sorts. “I mean just…I know you said when it’s done. If you want to wait you can. My mum though, she’ll uh, probably have a few questions about it, and it would be weird if I hadn’t seen even one,” Dan said, clearing his throat. He wanted to know what Phil wrote so badly. “I’m sure that whatever you do have is good though.”

Phil couldn't help but laugh. Dan looked obviously shocked by Phil's agreement to show him the zine, but he also still looked completely intrigued. That realization made it easier for Phil to feel safe sharing it with Dan. "No, it's...it's pretty much done," he explained. "Really, it's already ready to be copied and sent out, except it's only been two weeks since the last one. That's why I was thinking I could change it to to bi-weekly, but I'm not sure our subscribers would want to pay extra to get the extra edition," he admitted. "I'll show you after we eat. You're supposed to be my boyfriend. You should know everything I'm doing, I guess," he said. He glanced at Dan, but nothing odd was on his face at Phil's wording, and it calmed him. He needed to stop questioning Dan. Dan had promised, and so far, Dan had been good for every promise.

It felt good to hear Phil call him his boyfriend, even if he didn’t mean it like Dan wished he did. He knew he needed to stop dwelling on all those little details. It was getting harder though. He forced himself not to rush their dinner, and instead took it slow. He took small bites before glancing over at Phil every so often. He shouldn’t be so excited to see what Phil was working on. He couldn’t help it. He wanted to know everything. That and of course his mother would want to know, really it was for his benefit in the long run. All part of the grand plan. At least he was going to act like it was.

The TV was on while they ate, but Phil could feel that neither of the two men were actually watching it. Instead, Dan kept stealing glances at Phil, clearly anxious to finally see the zine that was half of Phil's life. Phil couldn't really blame him. Phil was anxious himself, and it was probably exciting to see a work in progress, the original copy of something that would be copied and distributed very soon. He ate slowly, however, to try and calm his nerves, but sooner than he'd like, he was done. His plate was empty, and so was Dan’s. With anxious eyes, Phil stood. "Come on then," he encouraged Dan, and then he was leading him back and into his bedroom, where the Zine and all of his materials had been left out. He took a deep breath, and then picked the packet of paper up. "Every issue is fifteen to twenty pages each. There are no adverts, which is why I charge a fairly heavy price, but I figure it's worth it. The polls on the site say my readers agree. Some pages are full illustrations, while others are articles, but they're all relevant to the needs of any and all teenagers. I might cater a little more to the LGBT community, but that's only because I know they have so little support. I do as much research as I can, and try and encourage my readers to talk to their health care providers about things like birth control and condoms, but I also write about the things I found on the internet about the best brands, and where to find binders for the trans community. I try and feature someone's etsy shop, or some small company in some of the back pages, because I want to help the community. I write comics, and make silly games for them to play, but I also find activities for stress relief. There's a Dear Sally page, called Dear AmazingP, where my readers send in questions, and I do my best to answer them," Phil explained, helping Dan flip through the pages as he explained everything that his zine was about. "At least every six months, I try and start recycling some of the older articles ideas, talk about certain topics again to make sure that everyone understands how important it is, but also so new subscribers and readers will get a chance to hear about those things too." Phil could feel his heart beating hard in his chest, but he couldn't stop talking, needing to explain every facet of the magazine as best he could because he was terrified to hear Dan's reaction. he gulped as their hands touched in the middle of turning a page. "And, I guess that's about it," he finally ended, biting his bottom lip as Dan flipped through the final few pages.

Dan listened carefully as Phil explained what the zine was all about. “I think it’s great! More people need to talk about this. I’m sure there are a lot of teenagers who don’t have the support system they need or their parents aren’t willing to discuss this with them,” Dan said with a nod. Phil was doing a lot of good with this. He was covering topics that often went overlooked by a lot of people. These things were so important, and much more educational than boy crush teenybopper things in the other mainstream magazines. He flipped through the pages with Phil, taking in as much as he could. “It’s good to reinforce that,” he agreed. “I think you should put out more issues more frequently,” Dan said as he started to flip around some more, finally getting to the bottom. “I like it a lot, this is really good,” Dan mumbled as he flipped back to the page where Phil answered questions.

Phil couldn't help grinning. It made him feel so good to hear that Dan thought it was a great thing and that he thought Phil should put out more issues, more often, that more people should be aware of it. "I have a few schools subscribed too on behalf of the students. They pay me for nearly enough issues for everyone in school, after they tried out and saw it flying off the shelves. In some cases it's replaced the health classes, if not having been added to the curriculum. If you think it's a good idea to write more of them, I'll ask my brother and we can start a poll. Figure things out," Phil's agreed, his voice growing more and more excited as he considered the possibility. He made good money off of the zine with the five schools currently subscribed to him. He grew nervous again, however, as Dan flipped back to the Dear AmazingP, and gulped. "You don't want to look at those. They're teenager problems," he said with a short laugh, tempted to grab the paper away from Dan but not wanting to give himself away.

“Well maybe I have teenage problems,” Dan laughed, glancing back at Phil before scanning the paper again. “I bet you give good advice,” he said, smiling as he let himself read through the questions. Most of them seemed to be problems Dan didn’t actually have though. He wasn’t reading them fully, just enough to get the idea of what someone was confessing to Phil. Eventually though, something caught his eye. He stopped long enough to read the whole question. His eyebrow went up as he lowered himself a bit closer to the paper. He wanted to be sure he was reading it carefully.

Phil could feel his heart racing. Dan's comment had been humorous, sure, and the way he said that Phil probably gave good advice made his ears red, but there was a lingering fear that Dan would stumble upon /that/ question, the one about the person with a crush on their best friend, but whose best friend was kind of obsessed with sex, and that's all they talked about. Phil felt like he'd revealed too much about himself in that answer, despite having told them the friend was probably actually a softy looking for love. Phil was definitely a softy, but he stood by the fact that he didn't believe he could love. It somehow terrified him that Dan would put together the pieces for why Phil felt like that question hit home. He'd thought Dan had a crush on him for a long enough time that it felt like Dan might see that in his answer; Phil had become attached to Dan, grown a soft spot for him, and cared for him as much he could, but he didn't want Dan to think his answer said that he could love Dan, because he didn't think he ever could. Maybe that was far fetched, but Dan was a lawyer. He was perceptive. Still, Phil's fingers tightened into fists when Dan suddenly focused in on a specific question and answer, and he tilted his head to find it was the exact one he'd been afraid of.

Dan read the question again. It seemed familiar in a sense. He didn’t have any trouble relating it back to the two of them. He glanced at Phil curiously before his eyes snapped back to the paper. The answer was almost a bit unnerving. He knew Phil had wrote the answer, but did it really mean anything? For one, Phil didn’t believe he could love someone. Two, had Dan really been that transparent with everything? Was there even the slightest possibility that Phil wrote that answer to a comparison of his own feelings? Phil was a sex addict, Dan wanted more, the situation fit them more than he’d have liked. Yet, the response was almost hopeful. He shifted slightly as he looked at a few for others a second time. He didn’t want to give anything away in his looks, it was hard not to though. “Huh, just as I thought,” he mumbled, pushing the paper away. “You do give good advice,” he laughed lightly. It was a bit more forced this time though. Dan didn’t want to read into it what he’d read, but at the same time he did. “So do you sort of just set a neutral ground when it comes to answering these?”

Phil felt himself relax as Dan assured him that he gave good advice, looking up at Phil to smile and laugh as if nothing was amiss, and maybe that really did mean that nothing /was/ amiss in Dan's eyes. Phil tried to laugh back though, carefully taking the zine away from Dan, and placing it back on his table. He felt himself stiffen as Dan asked another question. "Well, I try to. I mean, it's difficult not to get personal. I try and go off of what I've learned in life while also not getting too angry when I read a question that sends up red flags. I've never been in a relationship myself, but I'm familiar enough with them, especially from hearing my clients talk. You'd be surprised how many secrets I've collected," Phil admitted, shrugging as he kept his face hidden so Dan wouldn't see Phil's fear returning.

Again this wasn’t something Dan knew what to make of. He felt like Phil put more truth into that question than he had almost anything else he’d said to Dan. He wondered just what kind of secrets Phil was keeping. It wasn’t his place though to push, not right that very minute. He was lucky enough that Phil showed him anything at all. If he started pressing him for information, Phil might not show him anything else for a while. Dan nodded, smiling again. He wanted to read into the response Phil had given, wanted to believe that Phil had answered that question because he was in love with him. He knew that more than likely wasn’t what was going on though. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, even if his intuition was saying otherwise. Dan shook off all those thoughts and sighed inwardly. “It was good, I think more schools should pick it up.”

Phil smiled at Dan. "Thank you," he murmured, feeling both proud and embarrassed now. "We'll see. Maybe in the future, it'll grow more. I've only been doing it on the side for a few years now. I started it sometime after I started working at the agency," he explained. "But I guess for your mum's sake, we could say I started it out a year into my uni career. I also told her I was still in school, which isn't true, but I thought that might have helped," he admitted, shrugging as he shuffled his feet, unsure what to do now.

“It might have,” Dan agreed. Education was something his mother appreciated. He didn’t know how much it had helped though. The last time he’d seen her had been somewhat of a disaster. They had dinner tomorrow and Dan wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. He knew that Phil would do well though. It wasn’t him he was worried about. Maybe if his mother saw that they were living together now it might open her eyes some. “I know we’re going to tell her you’re going to school, but do you actually have a degree though?”

Phil shrugged, moving to sit on his bed. "No. My brother does, though. That's why he's in charge of the business aspect of the zine," he admitted, patting the bed so Dan could sit with him. "Do you know what else your mum might grill us one? I figure she'd assume I know about your family relationships, so that probably means mine too," he mused. "Did you want to talk about that tonight?"

"Tell me about your brother?" Dan asked as he took a seat next to Phil. "You're right, she'll think it's strange if I don't know about your family and things," Dan said as he made himself comfortable. He hadn't realized it, but these were things he desperately wanted to know about Phil as well. "And tell me about your mum and dad," he added. Phil had said that his family had been much more accepting and supportive. He wondered if they knew what Phil's previous occupation had been.

Phil hummed. "Well, my brother's five years older than me, he has a really great girlfriend, and he's my business partner. We weren't all the close when we were younger, but as we got older, he became like my best friend. He's the one who got me the job at the agency, and I know that might sound bad, but, well, I was...I've been having sex since I was sixteen. My brother found out just before I turned eighteen, and by then, it was too late. I was already a sex addict and doing vaguely dangerous things to fill that need, so my brother found another way. You could say he saved me," he admitted. Glancing at Dan to see his reaction, but like the good lawyer Dan was, he showed none. "Do you have any siblings?" he asked, avoiding the question about his parents for now. Just the thought of them sent a pang through his heart.

Dan didn’t know what to think of Phil’s brother being the one who got him the job. Dan didn’t see the agency as safe, he didn’t see what Phil did as safe, but he understood that neither was searching for his fix on the streets though. He understood that Phil’s brother had done what he’d thought would keep Phil safe. For Dan though it seemed like he was feeding him to the wolves. “I have a younger brother,” Dan said after a moment. He hadn’t missed how Phil hadn’t answered his question about his parents. In reaction, he tactfully avoided it. “He’s graduating from university this year. He hasn’t lived at home for a couple years though.”

Phil smiled. "Did he go to a boarding school?" he asked Dan, guessing that their parents had sent them off since they had the money. "And did you as well?" he wondered. "That must have been an experience," he mused. "Are you close to your brother? I don't know what it must be like caring for someone younger than you," he said, already thinking about how his brother had practically raised him, and even now spent a lot of his time taking care of Phil. He could imagine Dan being an older brother. He wanted to know everything about that.

Dan smiled back. “Is it easy to tell?” he laughed before nodding again. “We both did. I went a prep school until I graduated though. My brother didn’t like it as much as I did. He went to a private school afterwards,” he explained as he shifted so he could prop himself up on his hand. “We’re pretty close. When he’s not annoying we get along pretty well. I don’t really take care of him, though. I was always too busy ordering him out of my room,” Dan laughed again. It wasn’t all true though. There were times when he did take care of his younger brother. When it came down to it, they really loved each other. “There was always a code of conduct though. You don’t tell on me, I won’t tell you.”

"Not that easy to tell," Phil admitted, laughing as he moved to prop himself up so he and Dan were face to face. "I only guessed because you said he hasn't been home for a while. You don't act like a prep school boy." In his mind, Phil was thankful for that. He'd dealt with plenty of prep school boys and private school boys. He'd never considered that Dan might be one because he never acted as selfish as they did, as if the world belonged to them and they were above it all. Dan was remarkably down to earth. "You're nothing like them, actually," he murmured. "I guess my brother and I sort of followed the same code of conduct, but I'm the younger brother. I don't know what it's like for you guys," he mused. "Does your family go on a lot of vacations?" Phil wondered, wanting to keep the focus off of himself for a while. "What do you do for the holidays?"

“I’m glad I don’t act like that.” Dan had never been a fan of the people he’d met while he was in school. He’d had a couple friends, but eventually the friendship dwindled as they went in different directions. It was probably better that way. “It’s not easy,” Dan huffed teasingly before smirking. “My brother is a pain, I love him though. I’d do anything he needed me to. I boss him around because I care, if that makes sense. He wants to live in America. I think he plans on being a veterinarian. He’ll be nineteen in a couple months so I don’t know how much I’ll get to see him after that,” Dan sighed as he thought about it. “We use to go on vacation a lot, but since I started working at the firm it’s harder now, because it’s both my dad and I leaving at once now. We still go somewhere once a year though,” Dan said softly before edging a bit closer to Phil. “For holidays my mother forces all of us to be together, extended family included. It’s sort of a big deal. What about you though, what do you do with your family? Does your mum make you spend every moment of the holidays together?”

Phil smiled, laughing as Dan called his brother a pain, knowing that Martin probably felt exactly the same about him. "I bet I'm a pain. Probably more pain than I'm worth," he admitted, unable to help it when he leaned in closer to Dan slightly, enough that he hoped Dan wouldn't notice. His eyes were so warm and open when he talked about his brother. It reminded Phil of how his brother looked at him. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll talk to each other, at least. Especially if you love each other," he murmured. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be away from his brother for an extended period of time. He tilted his head as Dan told him about their holidays and their vacations, assuming extended family meant significant others, ie, Phil. He couldn't help frowning when Dan brought up his mum again though, and he hesitated for a moment. "My parents always insisted on spending the holidays together. But it was just us, never aunts or uncles, or anything like that. After I came out, well...not everyone was as supportive of my "lifestyle" as my mum and dad. Now, though, it's my brother who keeps us together. Me, him, and his girlfriend, for every holiday. My parents...they aren't around anymore," Phil finally admitted, lowering his gaze from Dan's. "They were amazing parents. They took good care of us, were never judgmental of anything. It was difficult to lose them."

Dan was floored. He hadn’t been expecting Phil to drop something like that. Phil’s life was tragic enough. Now he had this to add to the list as well. He opened his mouth a couple times as he struggled to find the right words to use. He lowered his eyes to the other’s blanket for a long few seconds before looking back into blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” Dan said quietly. He suddenly felt guilty for having his parents. Even though his mother wasn’t supportive Dan knew he could still talk to her, touch her, and tell her he loved her. His chest tightened as he tried to comprehend it. “I can’t imagine how hard this, I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he reached out to take Phil’s other hand. “What…what happened? If you-I mean if you want to tell me, you don’t have to,” Dan frowned, hoping Phil didn’t think he was insensitive for asking. The feeling that Phil might need him sparked again, even stronger this time. He only seemed to have his brother and his girlfriend.

Phil glanced up at Dan from under his lashes as the man reached out and took his hand, apologizing to him with the most comforting expression on his face. He didn't pity Phil, he just cared for him so much. Phil smiled softly at him. Talking about his parents didn't hurt so much anymore. "They died when I was sixteen, in a car crash. Someone fell asleep at the wheel, rear ended them, throwing them forward into a building. The doctors say they died on impact," Phil explained, squeezing Dan's hand. "Shortly after, I started acting out. Probably a large reason why I'm the way I am. My brother had just finished university, so he moved back home to take care of me. He still lives in our parents house with his girlfriend."

Dan nodded, letting Phil know he understood. If he was honest he wouldn’t doubt that the death of his parents played a big role in all of this. Still, it didn’t make Dan feel like he’d gotten to the bottom of everything. He didn’t feel like he’d just cracked the biggest mystery since the Mona Lisa. Instead, he felt nothing but pain for Phil. He no longer /wanted/ to be intertwined in Phil’s life - Dan /needed/ to be. He could never replace his parents, but he could be there for him. He could make every year without them just a little easier. He sighed inwardly. He was letting his thoughts run wild again. He moved his hand out of Phil’s and placed it on his cheek instead. “I’m glad you have your brother.”

"Me too," Phil whispered, caught off guard by Dan touching him, but so, so comforted by it. He leaned into it, sighing and leaning into the touch. "Me too," he repeated. They sat like that for a short while that felt longer, the quiet between them warm and comforting for a bit, and then Phil opened his eyes and smiled at Dan, feeling more in control of his emotions. "So. You know my life story, kind of. And I sort of know yours. I think we'll be fine with your mom tomorrow night. The rest we'll learn from being friends and living together, I'm sure. What time is it?" he wondered, glancing at the clock to find it was only now pushing eight. "I think I'm going to shower and then get in bed. I'll see you....in the morning, if I'm honest," Phil admitted, laughing as he sat up to do just as he'd said.

Dan wanted nothing more than to cuddle up next to Phil. He wanted to hold him while he slept and keep him safe. He knew that wasn’t what he was going to get tonight. Even so, he stayed in his position on Phil's bed for a couple seconds too long. "Yeah, I guess I better head to bed, I'm going to leave work early tomorrow though," He smiled before hauling himself off the bed and too his feet. "Thank you for showing me your zine, Phil. I'm sorry for everything that's happened. It meant a lot that you shared it with me," he said, his voice soft and gentle. "I'll see you in the morning," Dan added before making his way out of Phil's room, shutting the door behind him.

Phil could see the sincerity on Dan's face, and he was tempted to request Dan to stay, but he knew that even though Dan had said it was okay to ask for comfort and cuddles, he didn't want to push it. And besides, he needed a shower, and Dan probably didn't want to share a bed any more than they already had. "Yeah. Bye, Dan," he murmured. As soon as Dan had left, Phil laid back against the bed, and sighed. He hadn't told anyone that story in a very long time, and though it didn't hurt, he still felt kind of sad and vulnerable. He was quick to shower, and then he was climbing into bed and resting tired eyes to thoughts of his parents and how his life had seemed to spiral out of his control from the moment he woke up to the news that they were gone.

\--

Phil woke up with another raging hard-on and a buzzing under his skin. He was quick to infiltrate Dan's room that morning, climbing in and kissing him awake as he had last night. They didn't fuck, not that morning, but Phil gave Dan a blowjob, pulling himself off as he went, and once Dan had come, the man batted his hand away to finish Phil off. Groaning into a kiss, Phil came over Dan’s palm and sighed as he relaxed. "Mmm. Not gonna let you fuck me again until we get tested," he determined. "I want to feel you skin to skin."

Dan rested back against the pillows, spent and somehow energized at the same time. “Then I guess I need to make an appointment some time today,” he said almost teasingly. “I want to feel you though, all of you,” he agreed before sighing happily. He couldn’t express how badly he wanted that. “Maybe we can get it done this Saturday?” he asked, sitting up some. “Would that work for you?” Dan wanted to make sure that Phil didn’t have any plans for the weekend already. He wasn’t sure what they’d be, but it was better to make sure than assume.

Phil grinned, feeling like the chesire cat as Dan quickly jumped on his plan. "No plans. Saturdays perfect," he murmured, moving to press his body fully to Dan's. He kissed him softly, sighing into the feeling and feeling nicely loose-limbed. "You can fuck me after for the rest of the day, too. You have any plans?" he wondered, pulling away again to look at Dan properly, and feeling slightly sticky from the feel of his own cum against his spent body, seeping into his pajama bottoms. He pressed his fingers to Dan's chest, trailing them down the exposed skin.

Dan sighed softly as he felt Phil trailing his fingers down his chest. He shook his head slowly. “No plans,” he mumbled before closing his eyes. Phil always knew just what to say. The prospect of fucking Phil all day was enough to make him hard again. Well almost. If he hadn’t literally just came seconds ago, he knew he’d be hard. “I know you’re the only plans I want to have that day,” he smirked as he pulled Phil in closer to him.

Phil laughed, going into Dan's arms willingly and kissing him hotly. He moaned a little as he licked into Dan's mouth, pressing his tongue to Dan's for another chance to taste him. "Good, because I'd like to spend a day having you ravish me for twelve hours at least," he mumbled when he pulled away, pressing multiple chaste kisses to Dan's lips before finally pulling away properly. "You're coming home early, you said. I hope that's for me as well as to get ready for dinner with your parents, or I don't know how I'll make it through dinner without jumping you. My sex capita per day has significantly dropped, and I don't think I'll be able to hold out as long as I did the last time we had dinner with your parents."

“Then I guess I better make sure I’m extra early,” Dan said with another teasing smile. He didn’t mind coming home to Phil. He liked the sex with him, he liked being Phil’s fix. “I’ll make sure you get through dinner,” he hummed as he ran his hands down the others back. “I better get ready though,” Dan frowned, knowing that he needed to eventually get out of bed and make his way to work. He’d much rather stay in bed with Phil all day though. They still had Saturday though. Dan was going to hold Phil to it.

Phil frowned, and it disturbed him a little that he wanted Dan to not have to leave, but he rolled away from him anyway, moving to lay against his bed rather than sit on top of him. He yawned and stretched out as he thought about later. "Do you have any plans for me later?" he wondered. "Since you can't fuck me?" he asked, watching as Dan stood and undressed in order to re-dress for work. He couldn't help watching and licking his lips. He loved watching Dan like this, and it probably wasn't right for him to think of a friend this way.

“I think I can come up with something between now and then,” Dan smiled as he pulled some clothes from his closet, already trying to think of the things he liked and that Phil seemed to like when Dan did them to him. “Is there anything you want me to do?” he asked, already knowing he was going to skip the shower until he got home. He hurried to get dressed, throwing his shoes and socks on right afterwards, and then he stopped to turn and look at Phil, all stretched out and warm and lovely on Dan’s bed. He smiled. “I’ll see you in a couple hours, alright?” Dan hummed before leaning in to press another kiss to Phil’s lips.

Phil shrugged. "I don't care. As long as you get me off. Tire me out for tonight," he teased, eyes fluttering open with the intent of winking at Dan, but then he was taken by surprise by Dan suddenly appearing over him, hovering over him before kissing him goodbye. Despite the surprise, Phil reciprocated out of habit more than anything else. He hadn't expected for Dan to treat him so affectionately. Like the boyfriend he most definitely wasn't. As Dan moved to leave, Phil sat up, shouting after him "Don't forget to make an appointment for tomorrow! I'll find a way to punish you if you don't!"

Dan smiled bright again before throwing a look over his shoulder and back through his bedroom door, nodding cheekily at Phil. "I won't forget that, I promise," he added before grabbing his keys and heading out the door. No, doing that was on his list of things to do first thing that morning. He sighed before locking up behind him. He knew Phil was home, but he figured he might want to sleep for a couple more hours. If Dan had the chance, he'd be doing just that as well. In bed. Next to Phil. At least until noon if he could.

Phil sighed as he heard the door shut and lock behind Dan, and even though he almost felt like it was an invasion of privacy, he moved to get comfortable in Dan's bed to go back to bed for a few hours. There was just something comfortable about sharing Dan’s space, reveling in the warmth he’d left behind in his bed, and Phil wasn’t ready to leave it yet. He settled in for a good long nap, feeling his body all lax and sated in a way that only sex could managed, and grinned as he remembered the way Dan had looked while Phil was settled between his legs. When he did eventually wake up, he called his brother, shared with him his ideas about upping the amount of issues for his zine and explaining how quickly he’d finished this months when Martyn expressed concern, and they agreed to put a poll on their website. In the meantime, they made plans to meet, and Phil told him he loved him before going to find something to do until Dan got home, feeling well and truly appeased for the time being. He knew it wouldn’t be long until he was craving Dan again, but it seemed to be getting easier to wait, just knowing how Dan could make him feel better than anyone ever had. He tried not to dwell on the fact that he didn’t understand why.

The first thing Dan did when he arrived at the office was to work on some paperwork that couldn’t be put off, but immediately after that was done, he was picking up his phone and contacting a nearby clinic he knew of and setting up the appointment for him and Phil, feeling giddy and warm as he explained they were a couple looking to get tested. He liked the way the word flowed off his tongue, and let himself have the moment, wanting this more than anything. The moment that had been taken care of, Dan started on what little work he planned to get done. His day consisted of mainly taking a couple calls, working on some cases, and sending out regular emails. Around noon, he started to pack up his things again. He knew there was little point to actually showing up at the firm. At least he’d made a small dent in his work load. The things he didn’t get done he shoved in his brief case or made a note on his phone to get done Monday. He called his secretary and let her know he was leaving and to take his messages. It wasn’t long before he was back in the lobby and taking the elevator up to his penthouse.

Phil was starting to get antsy again, but it wasn't too bad. He knew Dan would be home soon, and that was enough of a reassurance to keep the buzz low. He wasn't sure what time dinner was, but Dan had promised the night before he'd be home around three, so Phil played some video games while he waited for Dan, and when he finally heard the doorknob rattle and the sound of Dan's keys, he grinned. "So, what's the plan today, Dan?" he called out to him. "I figure since it's up to you I probably shouldn't jump you," he teased, still playing his game but not actually paying attention to it at this point.

After setting down his briefcase, Dan sat next to Phil where he was on the couch, his eyes flicking to the game he was playing and then back to Phil. "I had a couple ideas," he hummed as he finally pulled the controller away from the other. "Thought maybe I could finger you to orgasm. Would you like that?" Dan asked softly before pulling Phil into a heated kiss. He knew it wasn't the same as actually fucking Phil, but it was a close second. He licked into the other's mouth before pushing Phil back against the sofa. He'd gotten so use to Phil being all over him when he first came in, he found that he was just as eager to be the one jumping Phil.

Phil smirked as Dan took the controller away from him, turning the look onto Dan until he actually opened his mouth. Phil couldn't help moaning just at the suggestion, eyes drooping with desire, and then Dan's mouth was on his. He went lax, allowing Dan to manhandle him until he was pressed back against the sofa, body spread out long for Dan while Dan's mouth attacked his. He groaned when Dan climbed on top of him, and couldn't help a small chuckle when Dan finally pulled back from his mouth to press kisses into his neck. "If this is what I get when I hold back from jumping you, maybe I should do it more often."

“Maybe,” Dan smirked, already starting to place kisses against Phil’s neck and collarbone once again. Eventually he got Phil’s shirt worked over his head, and then the rest of his clothing came off with it. It didn’t take long for him to rush to his room to grab the lube and come hurrying back. Even though he wouldn’t be inside of Phil, he figured his fingers would still be uncomfortable without it. Before he got started, he sucked a couple of dark marks into Phil’s thighs. He took a moment to admire the contrast of love bites against pale flesh.

Phil shivered as Dan's lips trailed lower and lower, until eventually he was pulling Phil's shirt away. He moaned as clothing came off, slower than he would have liked, and whined when Dan's warm body pulled away from his to go and retrieve lube from his bedroom. When he came back, Phil was quick to pull him into his arms, rocking his hips up and into Dan's until Dan eventually pulled back to climb between them. He was shivering and panting as Dan stared at him, already desperate with desire, and he cried out when Dan pressed in to kiss at his thighs. It felt so good to have that part of his body marked up, the way he'd been marking that up for Dan ever since he'd first met him. He whined when Dan pulled away, running his palms up and down his thighs, and bucked his hips. "Get on with it," he begged. "Please, Dan. Feels so good to have you all over me."

“So perfect,” Dan mumbled as he slid a finger inside of Phil. He shuddered as he felt himself start to ache just from that. It wasn’t long before he was adding a second finger and then a third. He was looking for that spot inside of Phil, crooking his fingers and angling them until he found it. Then he was using his free hand to pump Phil in time with the thrusts of his fingers. Watching the other come undone for him was blissful. Dan figured it wouldn’t take much to get off at just the image. Phil was arching his back, moaning for more and Dan’s cock was already starting to leak. “So tight for me,” he whispered as he pressed his fingers harder and faster into Phil.

Dan was all over him. He had three fingers deep inside, and Phil's body was arching off the couch because Dan also had his hand fisted around Phil's cock, and it felt so good to be worked like that. It felt so good to be taken care of without Dan being taken care of at the same time, and it was overwhelming in the best way. Phil was lost in the sensations as he chased his orgasm, writhing and thrusting his hips down onto Dan's fingers for more. He could feel Dan straining, working harder and harder, and he was pressing his fingers mercilessly at Phil's prostate, but he never wanted it to end. He wanted Dan to take care of him like this forever, milking him for all that he was worth, but it wouldn't last. Before he could do or say anything, he was coming, body shooting off the couch with the pleasure that spiked through him. It was almost embarrassing how fast he'd come, but Dan was hovered over him, and he was so fucking hot that Phil couldn't care. He didn't have the excuse that he hadn't orgasmed all day either, because he /had/ but he just panted and moaned as he came down, Dan still working him through it.

While Dan didn’t stop right away he did slow down. He wanted to work Phil through this nice and easy. “You cum so pretty, Phil,” Dan whispered as he leaned down to press a few kisses to the corner of Phil’s lips. “Perfect…amazing,” he mumbled as he slowly slipped his fingers out of the other. It was almost too good if he was honest. Dan’s own erection ached and leaked, but he was more focused on Phil. He could easily ignore his own needs for the time being. He’d much rather watch as Phil came down from his own high.

There was something especially special about being kissed on the corner of the lips, and Phil felt that surge through him when Dan did it, telling him how perfect he looked and was. The words alone had made him feel hot all over again, but the kiss - the kiss was something more, and Phil found his mind spinning when Dan did it. He feared speaking aloud after that, but he could also see Dan's cock straining, and he knew that was a good way to distract them both from what felt like a too-intimate moment, and so he sat up when he came down from his own blissful orgasm, and dragged Dan into a kiss by his tie. His hands came down to massage Dan through his dress pants, and he knew already that he didn't plan on getting Dan completely undressed. He wanted him just like this.

Dan moaned lowly when he felt Phil messaging him over his pants. He closed his eyes and sighed. He was glad to finally have some relief. It wasn’t long though before Phil was pulling just his cock out of his slacks and working him into a mind blowing rhythm. “Not gonna last, so hard for you,” Dan gasped as he fought not to jerk his hips anyway. While this was good, he couldn’t wait until he got the chance to be inside Phil again. He wanted to feel tight heat around him. He wanted to feel Phil from the inside.

Phil smirked as Dan assured him he wasn't going to last, and just as he felt Dan jerking into his palm, he pulled away completely. Dan whined, and his hips bucked into nothing as orgasm raced away from him. His face was completely flushed, and he was panting, a little frustrated sound escaping his lips that made Phil feel hot and bothered again. "Now now, Dan. You took care of me, let me take care of you," he whispered against the man's lips. Dan was on his knees, so Phil pushed him back, helping him to straighten his legs as he climbed back between them. Rather than replacing his hand, he leaned down to suck Dan's balls into to his mouth, completely ignoring his straining erection.

“Fuck!” Dan cried out as he felt Phil’s mouth around his balls. Good, but not what he needed. “Please, please, fuck,” he mumbled as he reached out to tangle his fingers into Phil’s hair. “Need more,” he gasped as he finally bucked his hips, silently pleading for more from Phil. “Want to…I want to finish in your mouth,” Dan mumbled, forcing his eyes open so that he could look at Phil again. He looked amazing with this lips around him like that, sucking at him and making him groan.

Phil moaned around Dan's balls, loving the way he was talking, and reached up to press his hands to Dan's hips, gripping tight and sucking harder. Dan's hips bucked again, and Phil finally pulled his mouth away. "Anything. I'll give you anything," he admitted, and maybe it was stupid of him to say it, and maybe he could pretend that it was the moment and the way Dan had made him feel after Dan had kissed him on the corner of his mouth, but it was true. Phil would probably give Dan anything. So he pressed his mouth over Dan's cock, and he sucked him down, hallowing his cheeks and taking him deep without even a general pause. He just wanted Dan in him, and he wanted Dan to think it was just in the moment that Phil meant it, and he wanted to run away, and this was the only way he knew how.

If Dan wasn’t so close he would have questioned it. He would have looked into Phil’s eyes and searched them for honesty or another meaning. He wanted to dwell on it and to let himself repeat Phil’s words over and over again to himself. It was seconds later though that he was coming inside Phil’s mouth. He threw his head back as far as he could, crying out Phil’s name as he finished. Any thought was lost on him. Instead, he tightened his hands in Phil’s hair as he rode out the high.

Phil felt something tighten in his chest as Dan called out his name, and he let Dan hold his head down so he could take every ounce of his cum without complaint, sucking Dan through his orgasm and swallowing around him when he finally stopped coming. The feeling made Dan buck into him, and Phil heard him whimper, glanced up under his lashes to see Dan's face scrunched up in undeniable pleasure. He closed his eyes to avoid it, afraid of the feeling in his chest and the want he was feeling to see Dan look like that way every day for the rest of his life. /Just sex. Friends with benefits, Phil. You can never give him love./ He knew it was true. He could never love Dan, no matter what this feeling was. He was broken. He didn't know what love was. Sex was easier. Sex was safe. And that was all that Phil had ever known. He pulled off of Dan with a wet pop once Dan's hands slackened on his head, and he smirked up at him, forcibly shaking away all thought of his desperate desire for Dan. "Feels better when I edge you just a bit, doesn't it?" he teased. "Imagine what it would feel like if I kept you at the edge for hours."

"I'd probably end up crying, you know that, right?" Dan joked, laughing as he let himself relax completely. He felt content and pleasantly spent, the feeling he only got after being with Phil. He sighed softly, wondering how he was ever expected to be with anyone else after all this. He couldn't. He'd just compare them all to Phil. It wasn't even just the sex. It was his personality, the way his tongue poked out when he laughed and his eyes crinkled up, the way he could give Dan a single look and he was hard. It was everything about Phil. What Phil had said filled his thoughts and he had to push them away. They wouldn't do him any good. Phil had probably said it in the heat of the moment. Dan wasn't going to let himself bring it back up. "I wish I could just sleep for a bit.” He frowned as he forced himself to sit up. He needed a shower though, and it was probably best if they started getting ready.

Phil laughed. "You'd cry in relief once you came, as well, and you'd be so spent you'd have to sleep, but it would be heaven," he murmured, fulling intending to climb over Dan and kiss him until he sat up. Phil frowned, hating the pang in his chest that felt mildly like rejection, and glanced at the clock, finding it was barely pushing three thirty at that point. "When's dinner?" he asked, knowing they both needed showers, but too spooked at that point to offer taking one together, especially not with that weird feeling curling through his belly. What did it matter if Dan hadn’t even thought of kissing Phil after they’d had sex? It shouldn’t bother him, shouldn’t upset him at all.

"At five," Dan said as he looked at the clock as well. "We’ve got a bit of time, but not much. By the time we get ready, I'm sure it'll be about time to leave," he sighed again. He didn't want to go. There wasn't much of a choice now though. He glanced towards the bathroom before hesitating a moment. Part of him was hoping Phil would ask if they could have one together. When he didn't though, Dan hauled himself off the sofa. "Do you want to go first in the shower? I can wait a bit if you want to."

Phil sighed, nodding because he knew Dan was right. They didn't have much time, and definitely not enough to have another go together, so he settled back against the couch and waited for Dan to go shower. He looked up when Dan offered for him to go first. "It's - it's fine, you go," he insisted, blinking rapidly for a second. He'd almost thought Dan was going to ask him to go with him, and he was half glad, half disappointed that he hadn't, even though he's already determined it was a bad idea before Dan could even offer. "Did you make that appointment for tomorrow?" he asked for something to distract them both.

"I did, yeah," Dan nodded as he loosened his tie enough to pull it off. "It's for tomorrow at nine. I tried to get it later, but that was the only opening. I hope you don't mind?" Dan asked, knowing that neither of them seemed to enjoy early mornings. He started on the buttons of his shirt, already starting the process of undressing in the living room. He figured it didn't matter much. Phil had already seen every part of him.

Phil shrugged. "Nine's a good time. Means you get to spend more of the day ravishing me," he agreed with a lascivious grin. "i hope you plan to make that cock of yours work more than twice tomorrow," he added, only half teasing. "If not, I can always just edge you for my pleasure, and then ride you until you can't see anymore," he said, watching as Dan stripped. He would never get tired of that sight, licking his lips, even as he knew he couldn't help loving getting fucked while Dan was in his business suits. "Go shower! We have a dinner to go too!"

Just hearing Phil talk was enough to make Dan want Phil all over again. Phil’s words always had that kind of effect on him though. His breathing hitched a bit as he listened to Phil talk about how tomorrow would go. It took a second for him to snap out of his trace. As soon as he did though, he nodded quickly and hurried off to the shower. He finished stripping down before turning the water on and heating up. He ran a hand through his hair before stepping in. He wasn’t looking forward to dinner. What could he do though? He was still holding out hope that Phil and him could convince his mother. She needed to understand once and for all. It didn’t stop the feeling of dread though.

As soon as Dan was gone, Phil had to stop and consider his own thoughts. It was dangerous that he was finding himself so attached to Dan, because he was beginning to realize he really would do anything for Dan, and that he really never wanted to leave him, but that wasn't fair of him when he knew that he could never give Dan what he needed. He lay back against Dan's couch, and sighed. He needed to get a handle on this. It didn't take long for Dan to finish his shower, and then Phil was jumping in as well. Before he knew it, they were both dressed, and Phil was very much ready to get this show on the road.

\--

"At least she was less of a bitch this time," Phil led with, toeing off his shoes as he and Dan made their way back into their apartment. "Also, I need keys. That was just embarrassing, admitting you hadn't made me any yet. The worst part is, now she thinks I don't live here, and that's literally the only thing we /aren't/ lying about."

"I'm going to get premature aging over this," Dan mumbled as he ran a hand over his face. That was rough, he wouldn't lie. His mother could have been worse though. Dan figured it was because he was sitting right next to Phil the whole time that she had to at least try a little harder. That, and the silent treatment he'd been giving her might have helped some. "I'll get you some made soon," Dan agreed as he tossed his jacket off. The only truly positive part about the night so far had been the fact that Dan didn't have go have dinner with her again until next week. He felt bad for his father though. He was trying hard to keep neutral ground. He was supportive and approving though, and Dan was just thankful for that.

Phil could see the strain in Dan's shoulders, and it made him frown. He wanted to reach out and massage him, take the strain away, but he wasn't sure if that was what Dan needed just then. Instead, he followed him to the couch and curled up with him, sighing as he head pillowed against Dan's shoulder comfortably. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I know this is hard, but...We'll do what we can. Maybe she just doesn't believe us because she can't believe it's possible you could actually love a man. Maybe, what she really needs, is more exposure. She's always been kind to you, supportive, right? I think she just...needs time."

“I just wish she knew how hard it was for me,” Dan sighed as he moved to place an arm around Phil. The solid warmth against him was comforting. He didn’t know how else to express his feelings towards everything. His mother had always been supportive and encouraging. This was the first time she’d outright refused to be. It made his heart ache in a way. “I don’t get, who would lie about being gay? It’s not something people just stop or start being at some point in time,” he mumbled. “Thanks for coming though, and for your help. I don’t know I’d keep this up if it wasn’t for you,” Dan said honestly. Without Phil, he probably would have stopped trying.

Phil shook his head, though he was distracted from Dan's words by the actual feel of Dan with his arm around Phil's shoulders. No one had ever actually held him like that, and it was admittedly wonderful. "It's not that she actually believes you or anyone else would lie about being gay, Dan," he assured him softly, turning to gaze up at him and nudging his chin with his nose until he turned to look at him. "It's just - easier, for her, to believe that you're misguided. Wrong. That you're confused. I hope...that I can help you both get through this," he said, his words a soft whisper by the end of it. "I'll always come, Dan. I'll always be here to help." And maybe that was stupid to say, because one day Dan would leave him for someone who could actually love him, but Phil did meant that. For as long as Dan wanted him, he would stay, and he would help, and he would stand at Dan's side.

Dan wanted to make Phil promise. He wanted to hear him say that he promised he wasn’t going to leave even after they managed to convince his mother, or if they gave up hope all together. He just wanted Phil there with him. He wouldn’t make Phil promise that though, knew that he couldn’t, so he nodded softly and rested his forehead against Phil’s instead. He was long past caring if he was stepping over lines he shouldn’t because at the moment, he felt like the only thing he really had was Phil. “Thank you,” he whispered as he brushed his nose against Phil’s. He sighed softly, not having it in him to pull away just yet.

Phil's eyes fluttered closed without his permission as Dan rubbed their noses together, and he sighed. The sound was soft, breathy, and he wanted to take it back, but he couldn't. Instead, he nudged further and pulled Dan into a kiss, wanting nothing more than to escape the somewhat terrifying feeling of wanting to stay with Dan forever. He had to keep reminding himself that this was temporary, and that it wasn't fair to try and keep Dan to himself when he couldn’t love him, not properly, not for real. Phil licked into Dan's mouth, pushing him back lightly in an attempt to comfort both of them so he was pressed fully against Dan. He couldn't help pulling back and nudging his nose against Dan's again for affection before he kissed Dan at the corner of his lips. "You're welcome," he finally murmured.

Dan didn’t want to pull away. There was a sense of rightness in being so affectionate with Phil, like this was how it was meant to be and nobody could convince him otherwise. His tongue felt heavy and he knew if he opened his mouth he risked saying those words again. He’d never wanted to say something so much before. But Dan didn’t have the right to. Instead he smiled softly at Phil. His chest ached as forced himself to swallow down any words or feelings he was having. He stayed like that another moment or two before he finally created a bit more space between them. “Are you tired?”

Phil blinked, surprised when Dan responded to his affection in such a blase fashion, as if he hardly cared for Phil's touch. He propped himself up, staring down at Dan with a furrowed and admittedly angry brow. "Am I tired?" he asked, offended. He wasn't in the mood for sex, particularly (and surprisingly. He was sure he'd be up even earlier than normal with a need only Dan could satisfy now), but he hasn't expected to be rejected when he so obviously was looking for attention. His frown deepened, and he pursed his lips. "Yeah. I guess," he bit out, climbing off of Dan carefully but quickly. "I'm - I'll see you in the morning," he dismissed himself, not bothering to look behind him as he fled the room. Being rejected shouldn't have hurt so much.

Dan knew instantly that Phil was upset. He would have had to have been an idiot not to. He opened his mouth as Phil turned around, but nothing came out. When he heard the door shut behind Phil, he slumped down against the sofa. He hadn’t meant for his actions to portray coldness or to make him seem stand offish, that was the last thing he wanted. If Phil had just stayed a moment longer though, Dan would have been confessing everything, which would have Phil running for certain. Either way seemed a loss, now. If Phil had said he wasn’t tried, Dan was probably going to try and maybe play a couple games with him. He tossed his head back against the sofa and groaned. Why did everything have to be so hard lately? A minute later, Dan was up off the sofa and slowly headed to Phil’s room. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to knock or not though.

Phil was stripping out of his clothes seconds after he'd shut his bedroom door behind him, trying to ignore the way his eyes were stinging, and absolutely refusing to cry. There was no reason too. Obviously Dan didn't really want affection, not with someone he didn't have any feelings for, which he obviously didn't harbor towards Phil no matter how many times Phil had been convinced that maybe he did. Phil was just another piece of ass that Dan found attractive, but he didn't really want Phil. Maybe as a friend, and maybe out of the kindness of his heart, but not...not romantically. Not for love. It shouldn't bother Phil, and yet it did. He threw his clothes off angrily, not wanting to remember the failed dinner with Dan's parents let alone Dan, and climbed into bed. It was still early, maybe eight o'clock, and Phil usually didn't sleep until ten unless he was working on the zine, which he didn't need to work on at the moment, and he wasn't tired, but he couldn't face doing anything other than lying in bed.

Dan pressed his forehead against the door and sighed again. What was he even going to say? If he told Phil how he was feeling, it wouldn’t go over well, there was no way. He’d promised Phil he wasn’t going to fall in love with him, and yet Dan hadn’t even been able to bring himself to at least /try/ and stop becoming emotionally invested. He hadn’t even made an attempt to keep his promise to Phil. It wasn’t his fault though. For a moment, he felt a surge of anger. It was Phil’s fault for being so easy to love. He couldn’t help it if he felt weak at the knees when they were together, it wasn’t his fault that his heart tended to skip a beat, or how it physically hurt to see Phil any kind of unhappy. If Phil didn’t want Dan to get lost in his eyes then he shouldn’t have such beautiful blues one’s to begin with. Dan could lie his way out of this. He just needed to smooth some things over. Every lawyer could lie whether they wanted to admit it or not. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door a couple of times before pushing it open. “Phil?” he whispered, unsure if the other was actually still awake or not.

There was a knock at his door, and then another, and another, and then suddenly there was a small sliver of light. Phil squinted at his doorway as Dan pressed his head inside, calling out Phil's name quietly. He frowned as he realized that Dan had followed him, and rolled over. "What, Dan? I'm tired," he complained, not understanding why Dan would have come after him at all. Hadn't he made it clear that he didn't want to be with Phil right then? Phil just wanted him to go.

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to bother you or anything,” he mumbled quietly as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He wished Phil had at least invited him in or something. Instead, he was stuck outside. He knew that was expecting a bit too much, though. Dan knew this was the reaction he deserved. “I just…well I-uh, I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to push you away like that. This whole thing with my mother and how tonight went over...it’s got me worked up. Tonight sort of hurt, but I didn’t mean to project that on you. You were trying to help. You have helped so much,” Dan said, fumbling over his words some. He could feel his throat tightening up and he wanted to hurry and get everything out before the inevitable happened. “I’m sorry. I really appreciate everything you’ve done. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll…I’ll let you get back to bed.”

Phil was surprised by the words that came tumbling out of Dan's mouth, and he propped himself up, not having expected the apology or the perfectly reasonable explanation that Phil should have considered in the first place. It had just...hurt, to have Dan reject his move for affection. He hadn't expected it to hurt as much as it had, and maybe it was in large part because Phil knew he shouldn't be having any of these feelings towards Dan, but the point was, Phil had over reacted. He sighed, sitting up. "Wait, Dan," he called after the retreating figure. "It's okay. I should have known you weren't - I should have known you were still upset. Did you want to do something, to get your mind off you mum?" he offered, going for a peace offering.

Dan stopped as soon as he heard Phil calling after him. Maybe he should have felt guilty for the lie - well half lie really. He was still upset with the dinner they’d had and his mum’s reaction. Still, that wasn’t the reason he’d retreated from Phil’s need for affection. “Can I stay in here for a while?” Dan asked hesitantly. “I don’t mean to /do/ anything. I just…I’d like to just stay in here for a bit,” Dan frowned, knowing he probably sounded ridiculous. He was expecting Phil to turn him down instantly.

Phil was surprised by the suggestion, especially considering how innocent it actually was, but he was quick to nod, only realizing after a moment that his light was off and Dan could probably barely see him. "Yeah, that's fine," he insisted. Dan looked like he was biting his lip, though it was difficult to tell, and he was hovering awkwardly in front of Phil's bedroom door. The idea of Dan spending time with him in his bed rather than the other way around for once actually made him very happy though, and he sat up more properly. "Come on, then. Get in bed."

Dan couldn’t remember the last time he’d been more relived. Dan let out a held breath before he hurried to climb into Phil’s bed. “Thanks,” he said softly as he shifted under the blankets. So maybe he’d already sort of decided that a while meant spending the night in Phil’s room, but Phil didn’t need to know that. Hopefully Phil had no plans on kicking him out early. The second he was pressed to Phil’s side, Dan felt that sense of comfort return to him. He managed not to let himself become consumed by it. That was what had gotten him in trouble in the first place.

Phil shrugged, not wanting Dan to think there was much to Phil wanting to comfort him, to Phil agreeing to let Dan spend time in his bed. It seemed...more important that he was sharing his space with Dan, even if it was technically Dan's, than the other way around. "You're my friend, remember? I care about you. I want you to be happy, and if there's a way I can help after the night you had, I want to do it," he explained.

There was that word again. Friend. Dan had once been thrilled to have Phil call him his friend. It had been such a step up from Phil telling him that friendship was something they couldn't have. Dan found that it didn't take long for him to want more. "I'm sorry," Dan sighed as he leaned back against the pillows. It felt different being in Phil's space like this. Not uncomfortable of course, just more meaningful in a way. "This isn't something you should have to worry about. I know you said you wanted to help, but...you've already done so much tonight."

Again, Phil shook his head, not wanting Dan to think like that at all. Before he could help himself, he was reaching out and clasping Dan's hand. "Shut up," he muttered. "I told you I cared, right? So it is something I have to worry about," he continued. He smiled gently at Dan as the man looked up at him, squeezing around his hand. "I thought you wanted to stop thinking about it, anyway? Did you...want me to distract you?" he murmured.

"This is distraction enough," Dan hummed. He hoped that Phil didn't think that he was just in his room for one reason only. He wanted Phil to know that a distraction didn't always have to mean sex. Sometimes talking was plenty, even cuddling could be more than enough. "I just like being close,” he added before hurrying to correct himself. "I mean, in general. Being with someone when I'm upset is...it makes me feel better. That's all I wanted...you know, to be close," he mumbled as his words came out a bit chopped. He was still doing what he could to convince Phil that the affection they shared was platonic and nothing more.

Phil couldn't help frowning. It hadn't felt like that was true earlier. He said as much. "You didn't act like it earlier. Felt more like you wanted me to leave you alone," he admitted, but he still moved in so he could press his body to Dan's, drawing himself against him for warmth and comfort. Immediately, Dan's arm came around him, and Phil had to hide a smile, ducking his face despite the room still being dark enough to hide what he was feeling. He wanted this to stop because it scared him, but at the same time, he wanted to soak in these new feelings for forever.

"I know, I'm sorry. I needed to get my thoughts right for a second. I'm just overwhelmed with my mother," Dan said as he pulled Phil close to him. He wasn't going to give him the chance to pull away. He rested his chin on the top of Phil's head and closed his eyes. "I'm going to stop thinking about it for now. We're doing all we can and there isn't any reason to stress out about it." Dan said softly.

Phil sighed, feeling himself relax and let it go a little. "Okay. But you're right. I know it's easier said than done, though, so I don't blame you in the least for having a hard time letting go," he stated softly. His eyes dropped closed as he rested, taking soft, even, deep breaths. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked when they had laid in silence for a while.

"Do you really think you can't love?" Dan asked, blurting out the question before he could stop himself, feeling his eyes go wide in horror and his heart rate start to speed up. This is what happened when he let himself get too comfortable next to Phil - he asked questions and said things he probably shouldn't. "I mean, you truly one hundred percent don't think you could ever be in love with someone else?"

Phil immediately tensed, freezing against Dan as his question sunk in. For a moment, Phil didn't know how to react, and part of him didn't want too. Part of him was angry that Dan had even asked. His eyes had flown open, and he wanted to turn around, glare at Dan, but he couldn't. He was too busy thinking about what Dan had said. "When I was sixteen, Dan, after my parents died, I felt so alone. I went looking for someone to help me. What I found was someone who wanted to use me, who pretended to care about me, and then took advantage of me. It was one afternoon, but I've never been able to - to feel, like other people do, again. I don't think I can love, Dan. I don't think I can feel it. He took that from me," he explained, voice venomous, partially because of Dan, and partially because of the memory. "I've tried. Don't you think I have? I can't, Dan, and it fucking sucks, because I'll never have someone in my life who’ll stick around despite that. Not when I'm as needy for sex as I am."

“Phil,” Dan whispered, wincing softly at the tone of other’s voice. He’d known that question might have been off limits. Phil had explained it once before. Still, he refused to believe that Phil was incapable of feeling that emotion. He understood that things hadn’t been easy for the other, and he knew he’d never be able to change that for Phil. Dan couldn’t ever erase that painful experience. He could help Phil heal though, he could chase away that pain. “Not everyone wants to use you or hurt you. Do you think that if someone could accept your lack of…your limited emotional spectrum…I don’t know how to say this,” Dan frowned as he sat up some. “If there was someone out there who didn’t care that you would most likely never love them, do you think that would change anything? Hypothetically of course. I mean if someone loved you and loved you despite the fact that you couldn’t love them back, would…do you think that might make any kind of difference?” Dan asked. “I’m just curious.”

Phil didn't know how to reply to that. Dan's words had honestly done nothing but confuse him. Why did Dan care so much? Part of Phil was flushed with terror that Dan had come up with that idea because /he/ loved Phil, despite promising Phil he never would, and the other part of him was confused, because he'd never thought of that before. He'd never considered that anyone could love him, even if he told them he couldn't love them back. He didn't think it was possible, but he also had no idea if that would have any effect on his own feelings. He didn't relax against Dan, but he did try and consider his words. "I - I've never thought of it that way. But no one ever would," he immediately dismissed, though his mind hadn't dismissed the thought. Was he unable to love, because he would never be able to believe someone if they said they loved him? If someone proved themselves to him, would that change anything?. "Hypothetically, I don't know, but...not hypothetically, I don't think anyone will everbe able to love me. I let people use me. Once they have me, they'll never take me seriously."

It was ironic and somewhat laughable. If only Dan could tell Phil that somebody did want to be with him despite everything, that somebody did take him seriously and wanted to stay no matter what. If he could explain to Phil that it was possible, maybe it would change things. Or maybe it would be the biggest mistake of his life. Phil would leave and then Dan would be alone. Phil would be gone from his life and that was something Dan wasn’t going to risk. Friendship was better than nothing at all. He nodded slowly as he rested into the pillows once again. “I hope you find someone who can change everything for you,” Dan sighed. He wanted Phil to be open to letting himself be loved. To push things on him though wouldn’t be the right thing to do in this situation, and Dan knew it.

Phil's heart had honestly been pounding a million miles a minute, just waiting for Dan to admit to him that he was in love with Phil. His reaction when Dan did not do that was as surprising as it was painful; all consuming disappointment crashed over him, and tears pricked his eyes that he couldn't hold back. His breath caught in his throat, and he wished he could kick Dan out, if only to beat himself up over this. He wasn't meant to want Dan to love him. He wasn't meant to feel so crushed and devastated. He was never meant to feel hope. "Yeah...me too," he whispered, once he thought he could speak without Dan hearing the tears in his voice. Too bad he'd already found the one person he thought might have been able to change everything for him, but who had extinguished that hope with one bitter sentiment.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 22,540 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : slut shaming, discussions of STD's and hidden STD's, minor STD scare (sort of but not really), unrealistic STD screening timing, orgasm denial, edging, blowjobs, rimming, fingering, 69'ing, grinding, barebacking, dirty talk, rough sex, slight punishment, degradation, overstimulation, multi-orgasm, cumslut, in-proper aftercare but aftercare nontheless (but it’s not their fault and they don’t hurt each other in anyway)
> 
> This happens to be my favorite chapter, but it’s 3am and I only just finished editing, so uhm. Enjoy the early update, early birds. I promise tomorrow I’ll finally update all the links. 

 

He could hardly remember falling asleep. All Dan could really think of when he first started to wake up was how warm the bed was and how strangely comfortable he’d become during the night. He forced his eyes open, and that’s when it hit him - he’d fallen asleep with Phil last night. His arms had found their way around Phil’s waist, and he’d managed to tangle their legs together. He closed his eyes with a small smile for a moment longer as he attempted to get comfortable again, not really wanting to leave this blissful situation. He didn’t get a lot of chances to sleep in the same bed as Phil know that they lived together and Phil wanted to keep his distance, prevent Dan from falling in love with him. However, it was then that he remembered the appointment he’d made and was instantly awake again. His eyes snapped open as he wondered what time it was. He didn’t have his phone on him, and he scrambled a bit, hoping it was still early. Considering Phil had yet to wake Dan up with his own needs, Dan assumed they were okay. “Phil,” he whispered. “We should probably get up.”

Phil whined as he was dragged out of the most pleasant dream he’d had in a while, coming awake to the sound of Dan's voice and someone else's limbs wrapped around him. He frowned as he realized he didn't remember falling asleep, and then groaned as his hips bucked involuntarily. He needed...something specific, and it almost hurt as he attempted to roll in his bed. Oh. That's why he couldn't move; Dan had his arms wrapped around him, and he was trying to wake Phil up. Phil whined again, bucking his hips, and finally turned in Dan's hold. "Dan," he groaned, bucking again. He opened his eyes to look up at Dan, and he knew he was probably flushed.

Dan pressed a hand to Phil's face, admiring the red tint his usually pale face. "Can you wait until we get back?" he asked soothingly, knowing immediately by Phil’s insistent erection rubbing against him what Phil needed. "We don't have a lot of time before our appointment. I think it'd be worth the wait, right?" he whispered, already knowing what Phil needed. He hated to make him wait like this, but if Dan was right, they had maybe an hour to get ready before they had to get to the doctors office. He wanted Phil just as much, but he couldn't imagine them having the right amount of time. "Or I can suck you off. We'd have to be quick though. Really quick."

Phil could feel tears coming unbidden at the very idea of waiting. He didn't think he could. It was too much. He’d already dropped the amount of times he got off significantly, and it made his needs the two or so times a day he /did/ get to have sex feel so much more important. Maybe it was dumb, but hearing Dan tell him he wanted Phil to wait just made everything feel more painful than normal. His nerves felt like they were on fire, and he was shaking at the very idea of waiting until later. "Can't. No, please, Dan. Help me," he begged, gripping tightly to the shirt Dan had worn to bed. He whimpered as his cock pressed tight to his pajama bottoms, straining for relief already, and he cried out as Dan pressed his hands to Phil's chest. "Please, Dan, please, I can't - it hurts."

When Phil begged like that, Dan knew he couldn't say no. Even if they were late, Dan couldn't leave Phil aching and in need like this. Maybe he didn’t understand why Phil was so needy when there was the promise of something better later, but that didn’t matter now. Not when Phil needed him. "Okay, I'll take care for you," he whispered back before pressing his lips against Phil's for a moment. He moved his lips slowly before pushing his tongue past Phil's lips and licking into his mouth. His hand moved to palm at the other's cock before pulling away. Already, he was slipping his hands down Phil's pants and using his hand to rub against the other's erection, just trying to get him started and relieve some of the pressure.

The sound of Dan's voice calmed Phil, and the way he promised to take care of Phil made him feel special, important. Than Dan's lips were on his and he sighed, enjoying the feeling as Dan's hands moved down from his shirt to his erection. He couldn't help the loud vocal reaction he let out at finally getting some relief, and pressed into Dan harder, fingers tightening in his shirt. "Dan," he moaned into his mouth, rocking his hips for more.

Eventually, Dan managed to pull Phil pants down, his hand grasped firmly around Phil's cock as he worked his way down, detangling himself from Phil’s limb’s in order to give Phil that blow job he’d offered before. Phil didn’t seem to want to let him go, and it took a bit of effort, but soon Dan had the blankets bunched at the bottom of the bed and he was hovering over Phil’s erection. He glanced up, admiring the desperate look on Phil’s face before he ran his tongue over the tip of his cock. Dan wanted this to last, but he knew it couldn't. This would have to be quick. After they got back, Dan could do more. He could really make Phil feel good. He shuddered at the thought of finally getting to be inside Phil with nothing separating them. He swallowed Phil down halfway in his excitement, his other hand reaching out to fondle Phil's balls.

It didn't take long for Dan to slither down his body and pull his cock out. Phil was panting as he watched Dan, straining to keep himself from bucking against Dan's face. Then Dan's tongue was attacking him, followed closely by his mouth, and Phil was crying out desperately. Everything felt heightened, more intense, and it almost hurt how bad he needed this. He tried to control himself though, reaching down to tangle his fingers in Dan's hair and holding back from bucking into his mouth now that Dan was also playing with his balls. "Dan," he groaned, finding that, at that point, he could do nothing more than say Dan's name over and over again. "Dan, Dan," he chanted, meaning for it to be a plea for more, his body straining against his tight hold on his own muscles, not wanting to choke Dan and scare him away.

Dan used his hand for what he couldn't reach, recalling all of the things that Phil had taught him that first night together. Dan slowed down a little so that he could press a couple kisses to the head, wanting to tease Phil some. Then he was going down further and humming while he pumped his head. He couldn't wait until they got home later today. He looked up at Phil and moaned around his cock. Dan breathed deeply through his nose before taking Phil all the way, the head of Phil's cock hitting the back of his throat. His nose was pressed against soft curly hair before he pulled back off only to repeat the action.

Was this only Dan's second blow job? Phil found that difficult to believe with the way he was moving his tongue, teasing Phil and driving him insane. He had to work so hard to restrain himself when Dan was pumping his cock with his fist while simultaneously sucking around him. When he pulled back to kiss at the head of Phil's cock, Phil moaned, hissing at the sensation and wishing desperately that it would be enough. Dan had told him they didn't have much time, and if he wanted this now, it would have to be in a hurry. Phil strove to push himself to the edge, but Dan was playing with him, and it was so difficult to come when he'd been denied that pleasure for over twelve hours now. And then suddenly, Dan was taking him all the way, his mouth hitting the base of Phil's cock, and Phil couldn't stop his hips that time. "Dan!" he screamed, twining his fingers harder in Dan's hair and pulling. It was as surprising as the first time Dan had ever deep throated Phil without being taught, and he could feel the burning feeling of orgasm in his tummy, but it wouldn't unfurl, and it was so unfair. "PLEASE!" he cried out, panting as he bucked his hips, Dan quickly pumping his head and taking Phil as deep as possible each time. "Please, Dan, please, please," he begged, unable to say that he couldn't come, but that he needed it so bad, so he just kept panting the words out, pumping his hips and hoping that Dan would understand.

Phil was begging him for more. The others cries became louder, and Dan realized that this wasn’t going to quite enough to send Phil over the edge. He needed a little more to have him coming, and Dan was sure he could give that to Phil. Slowly, he completely pulled off of Phil and hurried to press another kiss to his lips. “Shh, I’m going to take care of you, it’s alright,” he cooed despite Phil’s frantic sounds. Dan knew he needed to be quick; and not just for the doctor’s appointment anymore, but for Phil. He wanted to get that release he needed so bad. He shushed Phil one more time before sucking his own fingers into his mouth. He lathered them with saliva before moving to place his lips around Phil’s cock again. He swallowed him down once more, taking him to the hilt and hardly pulling off as he sucked quickly. With his free hand, he slipped a finger inside of Phil. He waited a couple seconds before he was adding another one, and then finally a third.

Phil could feel himself crying when Dan moved off of his cock to pull him into a kiss instead, murmuring that he would take care of him again. Phil was choking and panting, though, desperate for release but unable to find it, and when Dan pulled away from his lips, he moved instead to press his own fist to his mouth, biting at his knuckles while he was at it. He watched with glazed eyes and rutting hips as Dan sucked at three fingers. Phil knew what was coming, and yet it was still a surprise when Dan finally sucked his cock back into his mouth, fingers nudging at Phil's entrance. Phil choked on a loud sound of need, and soon enough, Dan was continuously deepthroating Phil with three fingers up his bum. "Dan," he cried out, bucking his hips and pushing Dan's head down further on him. His orgasm was building, thumping through his blood, and he wanted to cry again, this time in relief, because he could feel himself about to come undone. "Gonna -" he tried to warn Dan, pulling at his hair to drag him away. Dan's fingers reached his prostate, and Phil was done for, nearly screaming as the pleasure finally washed through him.

Dan wasn’t about to pull off, no matter how hard Phil tugged on his hair. It didn’t seem to matter though, because moments later, Phil was coming down his throat and Dan was swallowing all of it. He decreased the pressure on his mouth so that he could gently work Phil through his high. Slowly, he milked Phil for everything he had. He lapped up everything he could before finally pulling off with a soft pop. Carefully, he slid his fingers out and ran his tongue over his lips. “Do you want me to grab your clothes for you? You know…so you can rest for a second,” Dan asked before he pressed a light kiss to Phil’s lips. “I think we can still make it and be on time…sort of,” he laughed as he nuzzled his nose against Phil’s briefly. Phil would never know how happy it made Dan just being able to please him.

Phil could feel every single thing Dan was still doing with his tongue. He could feel the way he was licking at Phil's shaft, cleaning him softly and tenderly as he worked Phil through his orgasm with a continue slow bob of his head and light fingering. Phil's chest was heaving with the feeling of his orgasm washing over him, but all he could really focus on was how amazing it felt to have Dan still touching him...loving him. If he had the energy, he probably would have cringed away from the word, but he didn't, and besides, he didn't want to ruin his bliss. Eventually, Dan popped off. Phil chuckled at his words, leaning up slightly to return Dan's light kiss, humming at the feeling of Dan nuzzling his nose. "Yeah...that would...that would be good," he managed to say, dazed as he realized that Dan had willingly taken his whole load of his own volition this time. He couldn't help grinning, body melting into the sheets of his bed. "Thanks," he finally said, swallowing.

“Thanks for the blow job, or for pulling out clothes?” Dan asked with a small smile, teasing. He moved to rummage through Phil’s closet as he shook his head. He knew his own hardness was starting to ache, but unlike Phil, he didn’t need to get off right away. He could ignore it until later. “You don’t need to thank me. I don’t mind doing either. It’s not like I didn’t like it,” he added as he pulled out a pair of dark jeans and a shirt for Phil. Afterwards, he grabbed him a new pair of pants and socks and sat them out on the bed as well. “You might want to think about wearing a jacket. It’s a bit cold out,” Dan said before finally feeling the need to get ready himself. “I’ll be right back,” he said as he went to find his own clothes.

Phil snorted, shaking his head as he rolled onto his side to watch Dan. "Shut up," he muttered, grinning anyway and then feeling himself flush as Dan assured him he didn't mind doing either thing. His eyes flicked to Dan's crotch, realizing that of course he was hard as well, and he was about to offer to help him as well when Dan left the room to go get dressed. Sitting up, Phil frowned. Dan...Dan was too much. Too kind. Phil didn't understand it. Still, that didn't change his excitement from what today would bring, and after taking another deep breath, he stood to get dressed. Dan had even gotten socks out for him, warned him of the cold...Phil's heart swelled, and the feeling was unfamiliar. He froze, once again terrified by the strange constricting feeling in his chest, unsure what to do or even think of it.

Dan pulled on his jeans and threw on a new shirt, attempting to fix his hair in between. He managed to check his phone while he was in his room, realizing it was quarter till so they wouldn’t be too late. Dan sighed softly again as he was filled with that light warm feeling he’d gotten so accustomed to the past few days. He wanted to bask in it. While he knew the sex was going to be good, it was afterwards he found himself looking forward to. He was ready to hold Phil, kiss him, and maybe fall asleep inside him for a while. That was if Phil was alright with the idea. He quickly pushed the thought aside in order to get his shoes on. One he was ready, he grabbed his phone and wallet, shoving them in his pocket before heading to the living room to wait for Phil.

It took longer than Phil would have liked to admit to get his feet unglued from the floor. He finished getting dressed in a daze, and by the time he was done, he'd managed to shake off the feeling in his chest. He refused to dwell on it. It didn't mean anything, and though he was temporarily sated, he was looking forward to a day of sex like he used to have so often. Moving into the living room, he grinned at Dan. "Do you have a thing for me in black, because I know I have more color than this in my wardrobe," he joked, striking a pose that was meant to be sexy.

Dan laughed before rolling his eyes. "Alright you caught me," he grinned. "No, I think I picked you out what I would have worn, which is black," he smirked as he watched Phil. "You look good in black though, it's a nice color on you," Dan said as he grabbed Phil's hand to pull him towards the door. "If I'm honest, I think it's the only color I actually own. You got everything?" he double checked before pulling them out the front door. "Sorry, I'm a bit eager," Dan admitted before locking up behind them.

Phil smiled. It should be illegal to be as cute as Dan was. "Weren't you wearing white one of the days I first met you?" he mused, teasing. "Maybe not. I think I'm confusing your shirt with your skin," he added, laughing because he knew how ridiculous that was. Dan was actually quite tan. He was a little surprised when Dan very quickly grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the house, and he snorted a laugh as Dan explained why, gaze snapping to Dan's crotch. "Well. Might that have anything to do with the fact that I left you hanging this morning? I am sorry about that," he murmured, getting in close to Dan's face. "I promise I'll make it up to you," he said, and then he was moving out of Dan's personal space with a teasing grin.

Dan couldn’t help but smile brightly back at Phil before pulling him in closer once again. “I’m not worried. I know you’ll make it up to me,” he said lowly before quickly bringing their lips together. The kiss was quick, a bit rough, but deep enough to promise Phil he’d hold him to it. Just like that, he was pulling away again and leading Phil down to the elevators. “It’s not too far. I doubt it’ll take long to get there,” he smiled again before stepping into the elevator and pressing the first floor button. “So I’ve never had one of these test before. Have you?” Dan asked as he finally let go of Phil’s hand.

Dan's kiss left Phil breathless, and for a moment, he thought he was going to pop another boner, and he knew he wouldn't be able to help himself from holding Dan back. Dan pulled away, however, and then they were leaving, taking the lift downstairs to head to their appointment. Phil couldn't help feeling a little worried when Dan asked him that question, though, and turned his gaze away. "Uhm, yeah. We get them every month at the agency, or after we've had a scare. I think I told you that before, back at the beginning? Anyway, I haven't head one in at least a month though. I know I'm clean, but I didn't want...I didn't want you to be scared, you know? So I thought it would be best if I offered to have us go together. Because I want you to feel safe, but I also really, really want to do away with the condoms." He left off with that, pressing his hip into Dan's with a lecherous grin to maybe distract him from the fact that Phil was used to this kind of thing. It reminded them both of what Phil used to do for a living, and he didn't want Dan to change his mind on him.

Dan nodded understandingly. He couldn’t judge Phil for having it done; after all, he’d rather him be safe in that sense. Now that he thought about it, he knew it was a stupid question. Of course Phil had had one before. He didn’t know how he’d forgotten that Phil had told him about it back at the beginning. He guessed what Phil use to do for a job had started to slip his mind. It wasn’t like he’d forgotten, he just hadn’t been thinking of that aspect of Phil’s life. “I think it’ll be better without them,” Dan smiled back. It didn’t matter what Phil had done before, Dan didn’t care. Nothing changed how he felt or what he wanted. Eventually, the elevator chimed and the doors opened to the lobby.

Phil grinned back. "Yeah. It will be. Have you ever been with anyone like that, Dan?" Phil wondered, knowing it was less likely Dan had ever done it with a girl in that way than it would have been if Phil weren't Dan's first guy. "It's hard to imagine you enjoying it with a girl that way anymore than you did with the condom," Phil teased, "But I'm still curious." Now that he'd phrased it like that, Phil a little bad, so he nudged Dan as they moved out of the lobby and onto the street. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that. Are we walking, or are you driving?"

“It’s alright,” Dan said reassuringly as he led Phil across the street. “I figured we could walk, it’s only a couple blocks away. I have a feeling that we’ll get there faster than trying to deal with traffic,” he added. Once across the street, he made a left, making sure Phil was right next to him. “But uh, no I’ve never been with anyone like that before,” he said openly. “I’ve never really been serious with girls, so the issue never came up, and my parents taught me better than to rely purely on birth control or the morning after pill. I’m a bit excited to see what it’s like,” he admitted.

Phil nodded, following Dan and agreeing with his logic. It was his fault as it was that they were going to be late, so he figured the least he could do was follow politely and let Dan decide the best was for them to arrive on time. He was a little surprised when Dan opened up, however, willingly answering Phil's question. He turned to watch Dan's face, unable to help smiling at the thought that he was going to be another one of Dan's first. He wished he could give the same to Dan, and then wanted to hit himself for even considering that. "I have. If you were wondering. A long time ago, before the agency. I never...considered how dangerous it was at the time, didn't really have the choice to make that decision for myself to begin with, but. It's good. It'll be even better with you."

Dan wished things hadn’t been so hard for Phil. He wished he hadn’t been hurt like he had, or that he hadn’t developed this addiction at such a young age. Things were different now, though. Phil would only be with him and Dan would only be with Phil. He wouldn’t be in danger of those things anymore. He stopped himself from reaching out to take Phil’s hand. Instead, he closed the space between them a little more. “You think?” he smiled teasingly. He knew it was going to be good with Phil though. He couldn’t even really imagine at the moment. He was just eager to find out and experience it. It was only a block or two more before they reached the health clinic.

Phil laughed, bumping shoulders with Dan again as the man got close to him. "I don't think, I know," he said, winking. He could already imagine it now, the feel of Dan's girth pressing against his walls. He wanted it so fucking bad he could taste it, and yet he still knew some of the tests were going to take a little longer to come in than the others. They would be waiting part of the morning for phone calls, but the wait would be worth it, and in the meantime, Phil was fully intending to get Dan good and ready to be with him fully. He was going to fully make up for this morning.

Dan smiled again and brushed his shoulder against Phil's in response. It wasn't long before he was opening the door to the building and holding it for Phil. The place was typical looking with that clean smell that he usually found in hospitals. "I've never been here," he admitted as he slowly headed towards the front desk. He was already starting to regret not just going to his primary physician. At least he would have been a bit more familiar with things there. "Are uh...I couldn't get us joint appointments or anything like that, so we'll be in different rooms. Might have to go in at different times, one of us might finish first. Just wait out here for me?"

Phil was surprised to hear Dan say he'd never been there before, but not that surprised that they wouldn’t be in the same room for this appointment. Maybe that would be better, for their modesty at least. Phil wouldn't have to feel guilty for the answers he would have to give the doctors about how many partners he'd had. "That's fine. I will. Some of the tests will take maybe two hours or so, so we'll have to wait for a phone call before...I mean. Not that I'm expecting bad news, but that's just how it works," Phil explained, following Dan into the clinic and moving to sign in with him. They got some papers to fill out, and sat down together, joking and nudging each other when they came upon certain questions. It made Phil feel like he and Dan could be the best of friends, and it wouldn't even be difficult. He smiled at the thought, loving the banter between them though part of him wished he didn't love it so much because it was making his heart do that thing again, and it honestly scared him. Finally, they finished the forms, and then they were being called back for their appointments, surprisingly at the same time.

For a moment, all of Dan’s nervousness vanished as he joked and played with Phil. It was light hearted and easy. The way it came so natural relaxed Dan even further. He didn’t mean to be nervous, it was just that doctors in general put him on edge. “I’ll see you in a bit,” he mumbled when they got called back, heading back with the nurse to get started in a different exam room. First, she had him step on the scale, and then she took his height. After jotting it down on the clipboard, she moved to take his vitals. “Okay Mr. Howell. The doctor will be in shortly. He’ll ask you some more questions regarding the forms you fileld out and your sexual history, and then he’ll take some blood and send it to the lab,” she said while she put in Dan’s physical results into the computer behind her.

They did the usual general check up things, and then the nurse was taking Phil into an exam room where he was told the doctor would be in shortly. Sighing, Phil got ready for the usual bombardment of awkward questions, and the request for a urine sample as well as a blood one. When the doctor arrived, he was looking over Phil's paperwork. "You've had quite a few partners, Mr. Lester. Is this your first STD screening?" the man asked. "No. I had my last one a month ago," he replied, sighing as he was given the usual spiel about being careful who you have sex with and what not. He was surprised when he was asked how many partners he had currently, but he wasn't surprised by the way the man looked at him as if he wanted to know in case Phil did have an STD. "Just one. He's here with me today. It's been just one for a week," he said, eyeing the doctor and daring him to be rude. The man nodded curtly, opening his mouth - "Dan Howell. That's his name." Smiling thinly, the doctor nodded and sent Phil to the restroom for a urine sample. The doctor followed him, and Phil watched as he entered another room he presumed to be Dan's. He sighed, feeling bad for getting Dan involved when he already knew he'd always been clean despite his many sexual partners. Still, he moved into the restroom hoping the doctor wouldn't be too much of an ass. Already, Phil missed the doctors who knew about the agency and cared about Phil, rather than looking down their noses at him as this man was.

Dan answered the doctor’s questions easily enough, and watched as the man scribbled things down every so often. “Now, from your answers you haven’t seemed to have any unprotected encounters. And you certainly haven’t had many partners recently. As of now, you have a good track record for using protection,” the doctor said before clearing his throat. “You answered that you’ve only been with your current partner for a week? Coming from a medical standpoint, it’s not wise to have unprotected sex with someone…so early on in a relationship. It’s better to wait until you’ve had more time to establish yourselves. I’m still going to advise you use protection,” he said, finally putting down his clipboard and adjusting his glasses. “Of course, I’m glad you’ve come and had this done. Getting these things taken care of is important.” The doctor sighed again before taking his glasses completely off his face. “As I’m sure you’re aware, there are many confidentiality rules I’m under oath not to break. However, I’ve been informed that you’ve come along with the young man a couple rooms down? Mr. Howell, a word of advice; you’ll never regret being cautious. You might not know people as well as you think you do. If you know what I mean,” the man informed him as he grabbed his clipboard again. “I know what you mean. I’m far from stupid,” Dan frowned as he sent the other man a hard glare. “You’re advice isn’t needed, and it’s not appreciated,” Dan scoffed before rolling his sleeve up. “If you’re taking blood, I’d rather you do it now. I want to get this over with before /you/ say something you regret,” Dan snapped. “Coming from a legal standpoint,” he said mockingly. The doctor didn’t look taken back or appalled by Dan’s words. Instead, he simply went to work taking the blood work he needed before sending Dan off for his urine sample.

Phil barely managed to fill the urine sample cup to the line, but he made it and put it in the little window offered in the restrooms before returning to his room to wait for the blood sample to be taken. He could sort of hear noise coming from the room Dan was in, and he hoped the doctor hadn't been too much of an asshole about Phil to Dan. It took another twenty or so minutes for the doctor to come back and take blood from him. The man didn't speak to him, but he wasn't particularly rude either, and Phil breathed a sigh of relief as the man bandaged him up. Before he could get up and leave, however, he stopped him. "If you care for your partner, I would advise against having unprotected sex with him. STD screening doesn't catch hidden stds." Phil didn't bother with a response. Instead, he nodded curtly, but as he returned to the waiting room to wait with Dan for the initial test responses, he couldn't help thinking on what the doctor had said. What if Phil did have a hidden STD? He cared for Dan too deeply to subject him to that. Maybe they should keep using condoms, even if this screening came up clean...he was so lost in though, he didn't realize Dan was speaking beside him. "What?"

“I was asking if you were alright. You looked a bit upset,” Dan frowned as he looked Phil over again, having just arrived a few moments ago in the waiting room and immediately appearing beside Phil, trying to get his attention. If anything, it was clear that the other had been lost in thought. Dan had already decided that it was better to not bring up the words he’d had with the doctor for this exact reason; not wanting to upset Phil. Phil didn’t need to know any of it, and besides, it had been unprofessional on the doctor’s behalf to suggest anything of that nature. Dan wasn’t scared. He trusted Phil and believed in what he said. “Hey,” Dan whispered so that only Phil could hear. “He wasn’t too invasive was he? He didn’t say anything that upset you?” Dan questioned, wanting to make sure that Phil was alright.

Phil didn't want to look at Dan. He already felt like he'd made a mistake even suggesting they have unprotected sex when Phil very well could be carrying an infection around that even the doctors couldn't find. It made Phil feel like an asshole, like he was putting Dan in danger for his own needs. It made him feel...like he didn't deserve to look Dan in the eye. "Maybe...maybe this was a bad idea," he finally admitted, not answering Dan's question directly. He had a feeling that Dan knew anyway. And that the man had said as much to Dan as well as to Phil.

“I don’t think it was,” Dan said softly as he reached for Phil’s hand. “I don’t care what that man said, Phil,” Dan whispered. “I trust you. If you said you’ve been safe, then you’ve been safe. I don’t expect the test results to have anything abnormal on them or to test positive for anything. For either of us. If you’re telling me to the best of your knowledge that you’ve used protection, then I believe you.” He laced their fingers together and smiled.

When Dan laced their fingers together, Phil was forced to look up and face him, surprised by the trust Dan had put into him, but also surprised by the affection. They'd hardly held hands before. Phil was enjoying it more than he probably should be. Still. Phil wasn't concerned the test results would come back positive for anything. He was concerned they would miss something. "Some - some STD's hide though, don't they? You could have HIV for years and not know, and then suddenly it shows up. I just. I've been safe since starting at the agency five years ago, yeah, but what about the months I spent /not/ being careful?" Phil asked. It was hard to look Dan in the eye, but he was trying. "I...what if I give you something neither of us know I have? I could never forgive myself if that happened to you, Dan," he said. "You're faith and trust in me means the world, but...I don't want to put you at that risk. "

“I think that if you did have HIV, which I’m sure you don’t, it would have come up at some point, right? That was a long time ago, and you’ve been careful ever since. I’m not scared, Phil. It’s really hard for anyone to be one hundred percent safe at all times. I don’t think this is something we should be afraid of, though,” Dan said just as softly as before. “And I mean, to an extent, we’ve already exposed ourselves, you know?” Dan glanced around to make sure nobody was right next to them, and then whispered in Phil’s ear. “I’ve been in your mouth, you’ve been in mine. I just swallowed earlier today, and you a couple days ago. I really want this with you.”

Phil felt fear wash over him anew at the realization that they hadn't ever used protection when it came to blow jobs, and he sawllowed, eyes going wide. "Oh, God. What if I - oh my God, Dan. I never even thought of that - what if…? Fuck, what if I had something? I put you at risk," he said, feeling himself began to panic despite part of him knowing Dan was right. Phil would probably know, and there was never a way to stay 100% safe. Still. It terrified him to put Dan in danger. "Dan, I'm - I'm so sorry."

Dan was desperate to calm Phil down. He took his other hand and shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, I’m not,” Dan said gently. If it was anyone but Phil, he’d be worried. If it was anyone but Phil, he wouldn’t have agreed to much before they’d have tests done. Phil brought out Dan’s blind faith in the most frightening and yet wonderful way possible. “I’m not worried alright?” He let go of Phil’s hand to rest it against the back of his neck instead. He didn’t care that they were in public or that people could probably overhear them. His main concern was calming Phil’s fears. “And you know I’ve put you at risk too. You don’t know that I haven’t actually done anything. You’ve just been trusting me not to lie this whole time.”

Phil was too focused on his own horror to really react to how affectionately Dan was touching him. He did listen to Dan though, lifting his head when Dan let go of his hand to cup the back of his neck and force them to look at each other. It took a moment of.staring into gentle eyes for Dan's words to really sink in, and even then, it took a moment for Phil to realize that Dan was right; they were both operating off of blind faith. Dan was a lawyer. He could easily be lying to Phil. About everything. How was he so certain in the first place that it was safe for him to suck Dan off without a condom? He wasn't. Dan had offered him the same trust, and either one of them could pay for it in the end. He sighed, closing his eyes and finally relaxing. "Will you hate me if...if something is wrong? I swear I don't know that there is, I swear it will be a surprise to me as well but...will you hate me?" Phil was desperate for Dan not to hate him. It terrified him, almost more than any STD scare could.

“No, of course not.” Dan didn’t even have to think about that answer. It was the truth. There was no way that he could hate Phil. “I’m not going to be upset, I’m not going to hate you. If something is wrong, than we’ll take it care of it, alright?” Dan smiled softly at Phil again. It made his heartache that Phil was so scared about it. “I’m sure that nothing is wrong though,” Dan said, rubbing his hand slowly against Phil’s neck. “So don’t worry anymore,” he added before once again having to stop himself from kissing Phil and pulling him close. He didn’t know how the other would feel about that, them being in public and all. Instead, he just he kept his hands in place and did he what he could to make Phil feel better.

Finally relaxing a little bit, Phil nodded his head, letting Dan comfort him because he honestly felt like he needed it. They were quiet after that as they waited for the initial test results, and then finally, they are both called over by two different receptionists with twin smiles on their faces. Phil didn't care so much for what his was saying; he was too busy quickly scanning over the piece of paper she'd given him. Everything was negative. Phil finally relaxed, nodding along as she said to wait a few hours for the call about HIV, aids, and a few other major ones, before assuming he was completely clean. Phil turned to Dan as soon as the lady shooed him away, and smiled. "Clean," he whispered as Dan came closer.

“See, I knew you would be,” Dan said, knowing they still had to wait for a doctor’s call about the others, but he wasn’t worried. He knew everything would be negative as well. “I’m fine,” Dan said, just wanting to put it out there as well. He hadn’t really expected it to be anything different. He figured it’d be nice for Phil to know though. He grabbed Phil’s hand again, and this time he did press a quick kiss to his lips. “Let’s go home now. I know we can’t do everything until somebody calls back…but I still want to do /some/ things,” he laughed.

It was automatic, Phil's reaction to Dan kissing him. Dan was that tiny bit taller than him, always had been, but Phil didn't notice until he was forced to push himself up on his toes to meet Dan's lips with his for a better kiss. It was swift, soft, unnecessary, and yet...Phil was glad for it. He nodded, a little dazed, as Dan suggested they go home, flushing despite himself when Dan suggested they could do some other things while they waited for their other results. Dan moved first, looking unaffected by anything that had happened, and Phil followed after him slowly. Had they just kissed in front of a room full of people as if they were a couple? He didn't even regret it, but part of him was terrified it had been a mistake. Jogging to catch up to Dan properly, Phil forced himself to think of what they were going to do at home. "You think we could try something new?" he asked, smirking as he turned to Dan. "Something I've been teasing you about since I met you?"

“And what would that be?” Dan grinned back as they started the walk home. He felt much lighter now than before. For one, he wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere, and second, he knew that a majority of their tests had come back negative. He hadn’t been worried, not really. Still, things like that always seemed to take away some kind of weight, worried or not. “Why don’t you tell you me what you have in mind?” Dan smirked, almost knowing what Phil had in mind for them. It didn’t matter in the end though. Anything he did with Phil was amazing. It was exciting regardless of what they tried.

Phil's smirk broadened, and he nudged into Dan's side. Already, he was growing excited for the day he had planned. He could only hope he didn't tire Dan out /too/ soon, or else he wouldn't get his fill the way he so desperately wanted too. "Well. If you thought you could handle it, I'd really like to edge you," he said, voice getting quieter and quieter as he spoke, until he was practically whispering in Dan's ear. "Of course, there would be ground rules, and I won't push you past what you can handle, but...imagine how good it will feel to keep you on the edge until our results come in," he continued, voice still low and purposefully husky. "Imagine how good /I'll/ feel when you've been waiting so long."

When Phil put it like that, how could Dan even try and say no? He couldn’t deny that he was nervous though. He wondered if it was going to hurt or be too much for him. When Phil mentioned rules, Dan’s nervous started to calm again. He did want it. Dan wanted to know how good it felt after he’d been kept on the edge for so long. He wanted to experience what it was like to finally get to be inside of Phil after so long, and then getting to finish after being denied his release. “How do I say no to that?” Dan whispered, laughing huskily as he moved in closer to Phil. “I bet you feel amazing. I know you’re going to make it good for me…make it worth it,” Dan whispered back. Already, he could feel himself starting to get hard. Maybe he was becoming use to this daily morning sex thing as well - not that it wasn’t good. Dan was more than ready to get off though. The fact that Phil was planning on making him wait was nerve-racking and thrilling all that the same time. “Yeah, I want to do this,” Dan nodded, finally knowing that he was certain.

Phil's grin grew the more Dan spoke, his excitement spiking through him as he thought of finally getting to have his way with Dan completely and 100℅. He couldn't wait to make Dan feel so good, his balls ached. He couldn't wait to have Dan begging for him. "Well then. We better get home then, shall we?" he purred, grabbing Dan's arm to drag him along. He could feel himself getting hard already, and he could already imagine Dan's panting, flushed face as Phil edged him, doing anything and everything he could think of to keep Dan in pleasure for hours and hours at a time.

He laughed as Phil grabbed his arm and lead him the rest of the way. Maybe he was nervous, but his want for Phil canceled everything else out. It didn’t take long to get back home. It felt like only minutes later they were back in the lobby taking the elevator up once again. He chewed his lip as watched the floors go by. “So, I’m not actually going to cry, right?” Dan joked, feeling like he needed to break his silence.

Phil was admittedly not only surprised by Dan's question, but a bit concerned. He glanced towards Dan as they climbed into the lift, and grimaced a little. "Well. You might," he admitted, grabbing Dan's hand for reassurance. "It happens sometimes, but not really because it hurts - although being denied an orgasm /can/ hurt at times. Just. I'm not going to push you past what you can handle. If you tell me that you need to come, that you can't take it anymore, I will help you, and I won't be disappointed. The fact that you're letting me try it with you is amazing enough. Don't feel bad if you can't last. I want you to enjoy this."

Dan let himself take in Phil’s response, processing it and letting it sink in. “I’ve never…/not/ come if that makes sense,” Dan mused. He’d never kept himself from an orgasm or had it prolonged in such a way. Whenever the pleasure built inside of him, well…he’d always been assured that seconds later, he’d finish. “I’m excited though,” Dan smiled again as the elevator chimed. He was excited, maybe a little nervous too. Finally, the doors opened, and this time, it was Dan pulling them along. So Phil was going to keep him right on the edge until that phone call. This was going to be an experience to say the least.

Phil looked at Dan, concerned that him saying that meant he didn't really want to do it. One look at his face, however, told him otherwise. "That's not strictly true," he started, but Dan was already dragging him into their flat. Phil went willingly enough. "I've denied you a few times," he reminded him, surprised when Dan immediately dragged him into his body, dragging their pelvis’ together almost immediately. Phil made a small noise, pushing up on his toes to kiss Dan back, distracted for the moment. He mewled into the kiss, but pulled away quickly. "Ground rules," he insisted. "You need a safe word. Anything you wouldn't normally say. I need to know when you've hit your limit."

Dan had wanted the kiss to last longer when he’d initiated it, but Phil was pulling away far too fast. Picking a safe word shouldn’t have been hard. Still, all Dan could really think of was ‘stop’ which under normal circumstances would have worked. However, for what they were going to do, the word seemed like it was unfitting. “What about ‘red’? Would that work?” he asked softly as he brought his lips to Phil’s neck, partially trying to distract Phil and partially trying to distract himself. He couldn’t help that he was so desperate to have him. It felt like he’d been waiting for ages now.

Phil shivered when Dan's lips came down on his neck. He didn't even really get a second to reply to Dan's suggestion of the word red, he was so distracted by the feeling of Dan's lips on his skin. He was already burning with desire again, and it probably mainly had to do with the fact that Dan was distracting as fuck, and the idea of making Dan beg and wait for him turned him on more than he could say. "Yeah. Yeah red means stop. Yellow if you need a break. If you say red, I'll make you come," Phil panted, already starting to pull Dan's clothes away from him.

Dan only nodded in response before Phil started to pull his shirt off. For some reason, he was reminded of the first night he’d met Phil. There had been an overwhelming need to please and prove himself. He didn’t want to use his safe word. Even though Phil had explained that he wouldn’t be disappointed, Dan had no plans on using it lightly. Dan was already hard and needy by the time Phil’s hands traveled to the button of his jeans. Meanwhile, he was busying sucking a small bruise into the other’s collarbone.

It always surprised Phil how quickly Dan could make him pant. He was better at it than most, but it probably helped that Dan was allowed to mark Phil, whereas no one else ever had been for five years. Still, that seemed besides the point as Phil's hips stuttered involuntarily at the feeling of Dan marking his collarbone, lips busy trailing lower and lower into the collar of Phil's shirt. His fingers stuttered on Dan's zip, but he eventually got it done, and then he was kneading Dan's erection with the palm of his hand. "Ready, Dan?" he murmured. "I'm going to make you feel more than you ever have before."

Dan forced his lips away from Phil’s skin in order to nod. “M’ready,” he agreed. “Want you so bad,” he whispered before swallowing roughly. He felt the need to take a deep breath before letting himself relax completely. Of course he wanted to feel everything Phil had promised him. He could only imagine how good it was going to be to orgasm after waiting and being on the brink for so long. “I trust you,” he added. He felt the need to reassure Phil that this was something he was in fact ready for.

Phil allowed his concern to morph into excitement, and grinned at Dan. "Well. You won't be getting me for a good long while, Dan. At least not properly," he purred, pressing his hand harder against Dan's crotch and matching the movement by pressing his body to Dan's. "Where do you wanna do this? You better get comfortable, because it's going to be a long couple of hours," he said, leaning in to kiss Dan gently as a kind of reassurance at odds with the one of his voice and the words he was saying. "You have your safe word. Now pick your place."

Dan hadn’t even really thought about where he’d be most comfortable. It made sense now though. Dan had planned on taking things minute by minute, not overthinking what was going to happen, but Phil was making sure they touched on all the important bases. As Dan thought about it, he figured that chances were he’d be much happier in bed than on the sofa. “My room,” he gasped as he moved his hips against Phil’s once again. They were only getting started, but he was already starting to ache. He wouldn’t get Phil right away. He shuddered to think about when he finally did, how perfect everything was going to be. Maybe he was still a /bit/ nervous. Still, he was more excited than he was hesitant. He started to pull Phil towards his room and out of the longue.

Phil nodded, enjoying the way Dan was already panting for him, rolling his hips back against Dan's until Dan pulled away to drag them into his room. "Gonna take good care of you," he murmured, helping to strip Dan from his boxers as they moved. Dan stepped out of them at the same time as they crossed the threshold to his bedroom, at which point Phil pushed Dan backwards until he fell onto the bed. "Baby, scoot back," he instructed, crawling onto the bed with Dan, only he was fully clothed. Carefully, he slotted his hand around Dan's cock, and they began. The first thing Phil did was bring his lips to Dan's chest, trailing wet kisses up and down his body, all the while stroking Dan until Dan was bucking back against him. His other hand trailed up and down and over Dan's hips and sides, just for added touch. He trailed his mouth down to Dan's thighs, beginning to suck kisses into the flesh, never once letting up on the quick movement of his hand. "Have to tell me when you're close, baby. Just until I get an idea of when to stop on my own," he purred.

The way Phil called him baby was thrilling in itself. Phil hadn’t called Dan that nearly enough as it was. He couldn’t help himself from bucking up into Phil’s hand. The combination of the other’s lips against his thighs and his hand around his cock was amazing. Phil’s hands didn’t slow down though, and Dan wanted more so badly. “How…how close?” Dan asked as he ran his tongue across his lips. His mouth felt dry, and his eyes had slipped close moments ago. “I’m not /too/ close, but I’m-uh, I’m getting there,” he mumbled, moving his hips into Phil’s touch once again. He wasn’t sure how close was close. He wasn’t on the edge yet. He couldn’t deny that the pleasure was building though, along with his want.

Phil chuckled, pulling his mouth away from Dan's thighs to look at his face. He tilted his head, watching the way Dan panted with his eyes closed. "Mmm, I think that's good for now," he mused, and let go of Dan's cock. He crawled up over him to kiss him, letting Dan deepen it because he knew how much he probably needed it. "But the next time I ask, I want to know when you're right at the edge," he murmured against Dan's lips, kissing him again, his own eyes closed as he ran his hands up and down Dan's sides until be pulled away again, straddling Dan properly. He stared at Dan until the other man opened his eyes, and grinned. "What's off limits? Can I do anything I want to you? Maybe you want my mouth on your rim again, or on your cock? I'll finger you too. Anything and everything. Can I do that for you, Dan?"

“Please, yes, anything…please,” Dan mumbled. His breathing was heavier now, and he already felt the need to have Phil anywhere and everywhere. “Do anything you want.” He just wanted Phil to do /something,/ he didn’t care what it was as long he could have some relief. Well, just some sort of relief really. “I’ll tell you when I’m right there,” Dan promised as he forced their lips together again. He needed to relax some. Dan had to tell himself that regardless of what Phil did, he wasn’t going to come for some time. He should just enjoy Phil’s attention.

Phil grinned. "Mm, you're going to regret giving me permission, baby," he teased, leaning back down to kiss Dan roughly again. He ground his hips down to give Dan some relief, and then he was pulling off of him completely. It didn't take him very long to climb off of Dan in search of lube, ignoring Dan's question of where he was going. When he came back, he was grinning at Dan. "Roll over for me, yeah?" he requested, sticking his tongue out. "I want to eat you out," he added. "We've got so much longer to go," he teased, climbing back up onto the bed with Dan.

Dan couldn't decide if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. He didn't believe that time was going to be on his side in this situation. He moaned softly before rolling over for Phil. Already, his hands were gripping his comforter and he was grinding down against the mattress. "Fuck," he mumbled. Phil hadn't even gotten his mouth on him, but the anticipation was killing him. "Please?" he offered up, hoping Phil would feel sorry for him and hurry up.

"Anything for you, baby," Phil agreed, grinning. He climbed over Dan, enjoying the way he was pleading already, and pushed Dan's legs apart so he could force him to stay in position. Then he was gripping Dan's hips and pulling them back so Dan couldn't rub himself off on the bed underneath him. "Come now, be good for me," he whispered, pressing kisses to Dan's back. Slowly, he moved down until he was nudging his nose between Dan's ass cheeks. He bit at Dan's skin, sucking a mark while be was there, and grinned when Dan groaned. "I'm going to take care of you, shhh. Have I ever not?" he asked quietly. "Let me make you feel good," he added, finally letting go of Dan's hips with one hand to instead spread him open for him.

Dan wanted to be good for Phil. He wanted to make him happy, and God he was trying so hard to. He nodded slowly as he took deep breathes through his nose. “You’ve always taken care of me,” he mumbled as he stilled for Phil. He moaned again when felt Phil’s spreading him. The moment he felt Phil’s tongue against him though nearly sent Dan trying to thrust his hips back into the mattress. He managed to stay in place though. His eyes were squeezed shut, and already he felt himself getting closer. He wasn’t right there yet, but if Phil kept this up, he would be.

Phil didn't waste too much time pressing the flat of his tongue to Dan's entrance. He laved at it, grinning into the contact as he felt Dan jerking against him. He already knew how much Dan enjoyed getting rimmed, and this was only making it better for him as he dipped his hand lower to press his thumb against Dan's rim. He felt it relax and flutter around him, allowing his tongue to dip inside, and that's when Dan moaned again. Phil tongued at him slowly, pressing the very tip of his thumb inside until he was able to properly get his tongue inside Dan as well. He began to lick at the inside of Dan's walls, moving his tongue against him faster and faster, and then inching his hand down to squeeze at Dan's cock the minute he said he was close.

Dan pressed his face against the bed and took a couple more deep breaths. It felt so good to have Phil lapping at him and pressing his tongue inside of him. He couldn’t help the sounds he was making anymore. It was hard, not getting any friction against his cock. Still, that didn’t seem to keep Dan’s orgasm from building. He was torn between telling Phil he was close, or trying to push it for just another couple of seconds, maybe not telling him at all. Dan wouldn’t do that though. Despite how much he wanted to come, he wanted to know how amazing it would feel if he could last, if he could put it off the way Phil wanted him to. He knew this would be worth it. A few moments later, Dan’s eyes were popping open. “Close, close, close!” he said, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip harshly with the desire to come.

Phil could feel Dan tensing up, and really, Dan's tell for when he was about to come was obvious enough that Phil didn't really need to learn it by having Dan tell him when, and yet, he waited to see if Dan would tell him. If Dan would push until it was nearly too late, or if he would just let himself come, or if he would do what Phil had asked of him. He did, his voice going all high pitched and desperate as his hips canted forward. Phil released him immediately, pulling his face away and removing his thumb from inside of Dan. The other hand was quick to wrap around Dan's cock, squeezing at the base to prevent his orgasm. "Good boy, good boy...so good for me," he murmured, talking Dan through the denial. "You're doing so well, baby. Gonna take care of you, you're okay," he whispered as he listened to Dan pant, pressing gentle kisses to Dan's back as he felt him tremble. "You okay to continue? How you doing? Red, yellow, or green?" he asked, changing Dan's safe word to something completely different. "Tell me how you're doing."

Dan needed a moment before he could answer. He pressed his face against the mattress and groaned again, but this time not from the pleasure. Sure, Phil had made him wait before, but he’d never been right on the edge like that. He wanted to come so badly. It took a while for Dan to really respond to Phil. First, he nodded before glancing back. “F-fine…green,” he mumbled. He knew his face was flushed, and he’d probably started to sweat by now. The only thing that had made that worth it was knowing he’d been ‘good’ for Phil. He’d done what he’d asked. The other pressed kisses against his skin and promised to take care of him. Even if it had hurt a bit, Dan knew he could keep going.

Phil nodded as Dan finally answered him, and leaned over him to press kisses against his neck. "Do you trust me?" he whispered against Dan's ear, waiting for the nod of approval. When he got it, he nodded again, and said "I've got you." Without any other warning, Phil started to pump Dan’s cock in his fist, knowing that keeping the pleasure going would make Dan forget the pain of denial, if only Dan would let him hold him at the edge like this until they got the phone call. Phil knew they had only just gotten started, but he needed Dan to hold steady for him. He wouldn't say that though. He knew Dan was likely to do anything to please him, and it was more important that he just tell Phil when it was too much.

Admittedly, after a couple calming moments, Dan felt better, even with Phil’s hand pumping him again. He knew in time he’d be right back where he’d started, but for now, it felt too good. He moaned softly as Phil continued his hand movements, and just like that, he’d already forgotten about how it had hurt before. He was too busy focusing on the pleasure he was getting currently. He closed his eyes again and let Phil take control.

Phil kissed at Dan's neck softly as he stroked over him, feeling the heaviness of him in his palm. He moved a bit faster as he ground his hips into Dan's, pressing his clothed cock up against Dan for some of his own release. He moaned softly at the feeling, trailing kisses down Dan's neck as he left marks behind. He could feel it when Dan began to tense up again, his breathing becoming erratic, but just before he came, Phil grasped at the base of his cock again. "Shh, baby, it's okay, I've got you. Doing so well. Tell me how you are. Give me a color."

Phil had gotten him closer and closer until finally, Phil was grasping the base of his cock again, keeping Dan from his release. He cried out as he threw his head back in frustration. He’d been so close, right there. Then nothing. He struggled to catch his breath, and told himself once again that Phil would make it even better when he did get to come. “Still green,” he mumbled as he forced himself to open his eyes. It was even hard to focus on Phil’s hot kissing against his skin. “Barely green,” he added. He was trying so fucking hard, though. He didn’t want to tell Phil he was anything other than fine. For now, he was okay. He wasn’t being dishonest.

Phil nodded in understanding, accepting Dan's response and understanding that that meant he needed a little break, but it wasn't dire, nor did he need a long time. Phil stilled over him, no longer rocking his own hips or doing anything with the hand holding tight to Dan's base, but pressing gentle kisses to Dan's exposed skin to comfort and soothe him. He waited until Dan's breathing had evened out this time before he removed his hand from Dan completely. "Roll over," he demanded, climbing off of Dan to allow him to do so. As soon as Dan was on his back, Phil leaned in for a kiss, sucking at Dan's tongue and giving him a break from direct pleasure, but keeping up his need with other affection. Slowly, while kissing Dan, he managed to undress himself, all but his shirt. He pulled away from Dan, enjoying the way he mewled against him and whined at the loss of contact, and then reached up to stroke his cheek. "I've got you," he assured him again, pulling off his shirt as he moved to crawl down Dan's body. He took the base of Dan's cock into his hand again, and then he was licking at the tip of his cock, slurping at his leaking slit sweetly.

There were now two things working against Dan. Phil’s naked body, and his searing mouth. Now that he was on his back again, Dan could freely run his fingers through Phil’s hair, the sensation making everything that much more intense. Intense was not really what Dan needed at the moment though. “Fuck, Phil,” he moaned as he tried to keep himself composed. He was almost dreading the buildup of his climax. As soon as he got close, he knew what was going to happen. It was too good though, Phil’s mouth on his aching, leaking cock. He thrusted his hips this time, forgetting about trying to be good for a bit. “Please, yes, fuck,” he gasped as he tightened his grip against Phil’s hair.

Dan's fingers were digging into his hair, and he was bucking his hips uncontrollably as he moaned and exclaimed about how good he felt to have Phil all over him like this. Phil hadn't given Dan the chance to decide for himself if he wanted to be denied or not the last time, but he knew for a fact Dan didn't have the presence of mind to tell Phil he was close this time. He was too busy face-fucking Phil - not that he minded in the least. In fact, Phil was moaning, nearly not wanting to pull off just from the heady feeling of Dan so close for him. Still. He had his hand prepared to squeeze at Dan's base, denying him from what he was striving for as Phil worked over him. He knew they needed to slow down if Phil was going to keep this up, but it was so easy for them both to get lost in the sensation of pushing Dan farther, faster. Dan tensed again, and Phil squeezed at his base, pulling off of him with a pop. "I'm sorry baby, it's okay, I've got you," he murmured, moving to press kisses along the inside of Dan's thighs instead, knowing already that it was getting to a point where Dan needed more reassurance, more comfort and affection.

This time had been the worst by far. The second that Phil gripped tight to Dan’s base and popped off of him, Dan was crying out and thrusting his hips helplessly into Phil’s hand. He knew it wouldn’t do any good though, and could do nothing but throw an arm over his eyes. He groaned again in frustration and the actual pain that came with it. Even his balls were starting to ache now. He hardly registered Phil’s lips against his thighs, he was so caught up in his own devastation. His thoughts went back to the phone, and he wondered if it was going to ring. How long had they been doing this for? Dan knew it couldn’t have been that long, yet it felt like it had been ages. His chest heaved up and down as he struggled to get himself under control.

Phil's concern was more than it might usually be, knowing that Dan was struggling and had never done this before. He pulled away from him, letting him go to climb over him and tilit his chin up to look Phil in the eye. "Where are you, Dan. Give me a color. Come on baby, tell me where you are," he murmured, kissing at his cheeks and forehead, trying to calm him as he realized he was more flushed and sweaty then Phil had initially realized. His brow furrowed, and he dragged Dan into a light kiss, holding his body away from Dan's rapidly twitching hips. "Are you done? Use your safe word, baby, tell me where you are."

Even if Dan did had wanted to be done, there was no way he was going to say it. He was already determined to see this through to the end, wanting the pleasure Phil had promised him, but more than that, wanting to please him. “No, I’m fine…just yellow. I just need a short break,” Dan mumbled as he tried to keep his voice from trembling. He wasn’t sure if taking breaks from it made it better or worse, he hadn’t decided yet. “M’good,” Dan mumbled before pushing his hair out of his face.

Phil nodded his head slowly, but his concern hadn't faded. He wasn't sure how much more Dan was going to be able to take, but he was determined to let Dan make his own choices. One quick glance at the clock told Phil it had only been an hour, and he'd already denied Dan orgasm three times, each time the denial coming in quicker succession. "Quick break then," Phil murmured softly. He grabbed for the lube he'd left on the bed but hadn't yet gotten to use, and showed it to Dan from where he was still sitting over top of him. "Let me remind you of the final event," he said teasingly, voice gone all husky. He didn't want Dan to forget his pleasure, his need, but he also wanted some of his own relief, and needed to remind them both of what they were working towards, what their end goal was.

Dan watched with hooded eyes as Phil got out the lube. Yes, this was a good reminder of just /why/ this was all going to pay off in the end. His cock twitched, and he moaned lowly. Watching Phil was almost as good as getting to touch him, feel him, and even fucking him. He’d said it before, but Phil was pure sex. He was hot and perfect in every. Dan was still so hard, watching Phil seemed to make him throb with want. He couldn’t wait to be inside of Phil. He’d finally get to finish, not only that though, but he’d get to do it without a condom. He shuddered at the thought, and fought the urge to touch himself. “So fucking hot, Phil,” Dan moaned as he continued to watch the way Phil moved to start stretching himself open for Dan later.

Phil was quick to lube up three fingers, and then he was pressing one, two, three inside, watching with hooded eyes as Dan watched him. His mouth was pursed, open, as he panted and moaned softly around the feeling of prepping himself. Dan was panting underneath him, and Phil was surprised by his own lower body strength as he kept himself held up and away from Dan's still twitching hips. He eventually finally closed his eyes, too lost in his own pleasure to really pay as much attention as he probably should to Dan. It was when he heard a low groan that he stopped moving, opening his eyes to find that Dan had his hand wrapped around his cock. Pulling his fingers out, Phil took Dan's wrist gently and pulled it away from his cock. The grip was so loose that Phil was able to break it easily enough. "Color, Dan. Do you need to come?"

Dan hadn’t even realized he’d placed his hand around his cock until Phil was pulling it away. It was almost a subconscious effort that lead him to gliding his hand over himself. “Green, I’m fine,” Dan gasped, shaking his head. It hurt to keep going like this, to be teetering on the edge and pulled back just before his climax. He was finding out though that not doing anything was also starting to hurt. He couldn’t win either way. “Please, I’m okay,” he moaned as his teeth sunk back into his bottom lip. It would be raw by the end of this. “Really need you. Anything…please,” Dan begged again. He wanted to prepare himself for the upcoming denial but he didn’t even want to think about that at the moment.

Nodding slowly, Phil came up with an idea. "Roll on your side," he said gently, waiting for Dan to do so before he got into position as well, turning around until his legs were stretched out by Dan's head. His own cock was hard and leaking at this point, and he knew it would be bobbing invitingly in front of Dan's face. He wanted that distraction for Dan as he prepared to give Dan exactly what he needed - pleasure, to distract him from the lack of release. "Help me, Dan?" he asked, glancing down at Dan as he moved to wrap his hand around Dan's hips in order to anchor himself and pull himself closer to Dan's own bobbing cock.

Dan understood the moment Phil’s cock came into view. As soon as Phil asked for help, Dan was wrapping his lips around his tip and sighing in relief. This was good. It would keep him focused on Phil’s pleasure, and hopefully he’d forget about his own devastation. Dan could easily make a day out of blowing Phil, and he was more than grateful for the distraction. He slid his lips further down Phil’s cock and hummed. The angle was kind of awkward, but he could make it work. He pushed his tongue against the side of Phil’s shaft as he moved up and down him, already in love with the feeling of having Phil’s heavy cock on his tongue.

Phil sighed, enjoying the sensation of Dan's mouth on him. The way he moved his tongue while he sucked around him always made everything so much better. Still, Phil had something he needed to do as well. He opened his eyes once the fact that Dan was blowing him had registered enough in his brain he could move on from the pleasure, and then he licked at Dan's slit, playing with it while it jumped under his ministrations. It was rock hard, dripping all over the bed and now Phil's tongue, but it tasted wonderful, and really, Phil just wanted to give Dan pleasure so he could hover in that wonderful state while he waited for the full explosion of pleasure he would finally get when Phil allowed him to orgasm.

Once Phil’s mouth was on him, it became harder. It was a nice distraction being able to suck Phil off, but again every sensation was going straight to Dan’s cock. He closed his eyes and groaned around the other as he tried to keep himself composed. Phil’s mouth was hot and wet, and Dan didn’t know how much more of it he could actually take. His balls ached, his cock was dripping, and it was taking everything in him not to literally cry. Even though Phil had promised he’d come in the end, Dan wasn’t thinking that far ahead anymore. All he could do was live second to second. He could feel himself getting close again, and his hips were moving on their own. As best they could anyway.

Phil could feel Dan starting to rock into his mouth, so he pulled away, kissing at Dan's thighs and balls instead. Dan whined around Phil's cock, making Phil's hips stutter slightly, and he moaned, licking at the head of Dan's cock, listening to him whimper and buck against him. Phil knew men, though, and Dan was unlikely to come from teasing touches, so he kept playing with him, waiting for him to beg for more so he could give it to him and take it away when he knew it was becoming too much. He didn't know when the hospital was going to call, but he was becoming afraid that it would be too long for Dan to handle. "Color, Dan," he moaned, moving his hands to stroke soothingly at the small of his back. "It's okay if you can't take anymore. It's okay. You've done so well."

Dan wasn’t going to stop, he’d come much too far for that. Even though he’d crossed the threshold from frustrating to physically hurting. “Green,” he mumbled, arching his back some. “Still fine,” he moaned as Phil placed teasing touches against his skin. “Keep…keep going, I’m fine,” he insisted as he squeezed his eyes shut. His balls and lower stomach were tight, and he wondered how long this really would go on for. Would the phone ever ring, or would he be forced to give up on that? He wanted to hold out for as long as he could. He wanted to come undone /inside/ of Phil. He didn’t want to settle for anything less than that.

Phil sighed as Dan informed him he was still okay, rocking his hips lightly as Dan got his mouth back on him. Grabbing the lube as carefully as he could from this position, Phil lubed up his fingers again, this time teasing at Dan's entrance instead of his own. He rocked his hips, sighing in pleasure as Dan worked him into his mouth further, moaning around him. "So good, Dan. You're so good for me. You're doing so well." Phil felt like the time should have gotten away from him by now, but he suspected there was at least another half an hour if not more before their phones would ring. "Gonna keep making you feel good, okay?" he asked, pressing one finger into Dan, just the tip as he moved his mouth back to the head of Dan's cock.

Dan pulled off off Phil just long enough to nod in agreement. He hardly had time to do much, and then the next thing he realized was that Phil was pressing a finger inside of him, not far, but enough for Dan to instantly need more. He bobbed his head faster in the hopes that it would encourage Phil. He slurped around the tip for a couple seconds before once again taking him as far as he could. Dan didn’t bother to stop the sounds he was making around Phil. Eventually, he was pressing his nose against soft curls and holding his position for as long as he could.

Dan seemed to directly correlate what he wanted with what he did to Phil, so when he started bobbing faster on Phil's cock, Phil pressed his finger deeper inside of Dan, finger fucking him at the same rate that Dan was sucking him. From time to time, he knew he faltered, too distracted as he was by his own pleasure. He moaned, rocking against Dan, and cried out when Dan suddenly deep throated him. He pressed the finger inside of Dan, and held there, pressing it hard against Dan's walls to try and make him feel what he was making Phil feel.

It was much harder to moan when he had Phil touching the back of his throat like this. Dan still managed to make a strangled sound though as Phil pressed a finger into him and kept up the steady pressure. After a moment or two, he slowly started moving his mouth again, dragging his lips over Phil’s cock before quickly taking him all the way again. He could feel his climax building all over again, and all he could do for himself was try and focus on the feeling of Phil’s cock in his mouth.

Phil shook with pleasure when Dan pulled back, his lips moving over his cock again. Meanwhile, he was aware of Dan's own cock in his mouth from just where he'd placed it on his tongue, lips wrapped just around the head. He started moving his finger again, starting to feel Dan clench around him, and sucked, hard, at Dan's cock. Dan cried out again, and Phil pulled off, moving one hand to wrap around his base to deny him once again. He thought he heard Dan crying around his cock, and gasped "color, color. Dan, give me your color!”

This time it was even worse. Dan had been so very close, and right at the last second, Phil’s warm wet mouth was gone and there was nothing once again. He cried out, his voice muffled by the other’s cock in his mouth. He pulled off and groaned. “Yellow, yellow! I just…need a minute…yellow,” Dan heaved as he tried to get his breathing sorted out. He wanted to come so bad. He knew it was meant to be good when he finally did come, but he was starting to wonder if it would really outweigh the pain it took to get there. It was like frustration he’d never felt before. His orgasm was right at the surface, but no matter how close he got, he just couldn’t finish.

Phil scrambled up and away even though his own cock was aching. He knew he could hold back for quite a long time if he wasn't as desperate as he was what with being alone all day with no relief. He knew he would be okay though, even as his own balls constricted against his body with need. This was nothing compared to what he was doing to Dan. Taking heed to Dan's words, Phil turned around so his head was resting next to Dan's, and stroked his cheek comfortingly. "Gonna take good care of you, Dan," Phil whispered, pressing his lips to the corner of Dan's mouth. "Just a little longer, baby, just a little more. We're so close. I've got you, baby."

Dan closed his eyes before nodding at Phil’s words. So far, it was his words that had helped Dan get through this more than anything else. He opened his eyes again only to press his lips against Phil’s softly. Regardless of his doubts, he still had to trust Phil on this. He just wished the phone would hurry up and ring before he lost his mind completely. With a few more deep breathes, he nodded again. “I think I’m okay to goo on,” he whispered. He still wanted more. So far, it had only led to painful denial. Up until that point of course, it felt amazing. Too amazing. That was the whole problem.

Phil smiled against him, drawing Dan into another kiss. Rather than continuing what he'd been doing earlier, he dragged Dan closer, kissing him sweetly for comfort. He wanted to make Dan feel better about the fact that Phil was denying him so strongly, and he knew Dan enjoyed affection. After a few seconds of soft kissing, Phil drew Dan's body to his in order to grind softly with him, letting Dan lead him through how much and how hard he wanted to do this. He drew Dan’s tongue out with his own, licking into him, and moaned softly as Dan grinded against him.

This was better now. Dan slowed things down some as he grinded against Phil, moaning softly as their cocks rubbed together. He opened his mouth a bit more to give Phil better access. Phil’s tongue teased and licked into his mouth. Dan grinded down a little harder in response to the feeling. Eventually though, his pace speed up some until he was moving his entire body against Phil’s, his moans and cries becoming louder once again. The gap between cool down time and the edge of his orgasm was getting shorter and shorter with each denial, and Dan knew he was getting close to the breaking point now.

Phil could feel Dan growing more and more frantic again, and he let him take control, panting as his own orgasm began to build for the first time. He was going to have to stop them both soon, and it was a good thing that he had more control than Dan. He groaned as Dan began to cry out next to him, pressing his own body tighter to Dan's as he kissed him harder, wanting more and more and more, but knowing he needed to stop them. He moved his hand from where he was caressing Dan's chest to grip at his cock, stopping his orgasm once again before it could start.

Dan threw his head back again and cried out. “Fuck!” he whined as he bucked his hips uselessly. Everything was seriously starting to become too overwhelming. Dan wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to hold out as long as he’d wanted to. He squeezed his eyes shut as he whined again. It just hurt now. The feeling of pleasure was fleeting, leaving him with nothing but aggravation. He arched his back, panting and ignoring how the sweat made the sheets stick to his skin. “Green,” Dan said before Phil even had to ask. He couldn’t give up yet. Not yet.

Phil frowned. "Are you sure, Dan?" he asked, having to squeeze his own legs together to stop his own orgasm. Dan looked pained, and it was worrying Phil, but Dan nodded decisively, making Phil agree that they would keep going. He wrapped his leg over the top of Dan's thighs, and pulled him tighter to him so their groins were together again, but he didn't start grinding yet. He moved his hand back to Dan's entrance, and got ready to press a finger in. "Ready?" he asked, and when Dan nodded, he rocked their hips together and pressed a finger inside of Dan, loving the way he cried out. His ability to stave off orgasm was getting lower and lower, but Phil was enjoying the way he was quaking against him.

Dan threw his head to the side as Phil pressed his finger inside of him again. The way Phil was rocking against him combined with the way his finger moved along his walls was enough to make him cry out again. Dan tried to keep his eyes open for this, wanting to watch Phil, but it was impossible. His back was arching again, and he was rutting into Phil. His heart raced, and all he could think about was getting off. Getting rid of the intense feeling that had been building up inside of him for so long now. How long had it been? He let out a strangled groan as his cock started to leak even more. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. His hands gripped at the sheets under him.

Phil pushed until Dan was on his back again, one hand under his thighs as he continued to rut down against Dan, moaning into his mouth as he started to feel himself building towards orgasm once again. He leaned in to kiss Dan, and then pressed their foreheads together. "So hot, Dan. So good. I'm so proud of you, fuck, you're doing so well, baby. Thank you so fucking much for giving me this," he groaned, still rolling his hips down and pressing a second finger inside of Dan roughly, pumping it in and out quickly, pushing Dan as hard as he could. "Color," he groaned.

Dan didn’t know if it was Phil rocking against him, or the second finger inside of him, but either way, all he knew was that he felt dizzy. Everything in his lower region ached painfully; his balls were tight, his cock was throbbing, and everything was too good and too painful all at once. The sensation was too much this time. Dan cried out again, a small sob wracking through him. He gave up. Dan knew he couldn’t do it anymore. If he didn’t come right now, he didn’t know what would happen. “Red, red, red,” he chanted back at Phil, his voice shaking as he flung his head again. “Red! Fuck, Phil please…I can’t! I can’t do it anymore, please,” he mumbled as he started to shake.

Dan broke. Phil could hear it in the way he was crying, his body shuddering completely with Phil's movements. Phil pulled away, trying to move into a better position to get Dan off as quick as possible, but it made Dan literally cry out again, tears on his cheeks. "Shh, shh!" Phil said. "I promised, didn't I? Shh, it's okay, I'm gonna make you come," he said, trying to pull out of Dan's arms,= which had suddenly wrapped around him to keep him still. Just as Phil broke Dan's hold, Dan's phone went off. Phil's head shot up. The display on Dan's phone was showing the clinic’s number. "Dan," he muttered, grabbing at it and throwing it at him. "Dan, you made it. They're calling!" he shouted, but his heart was racing now. What was he going to do if he found out that he wasn't clean? He glanced around for his own phone as Dan answered his, breathless as he spoke. Why wasn't his ringing? And then it was finally going off, and he jumped off of the bed to grab it. "Hello?" "Mr. Lester. Your results have come in," a male voice explained, sounding oddly familiar. Phil could hear Dan hanging up, but he was too focused on his own conversation to register his reaction. "Okay. How are they?" he asked, sounding probably too snappish, but he hated this doctor, and he couldn't figure out why his voice sounded regretful; was Phil not clean, or was he angry this would mean Phil would probably not use a condom with the partner that the doctor was so concerned about? It made Phil hesitate. Should they be doing this? What if something was hiding, something serious and life threatening. "Everything has come back clear. You're clean, sir. However, I would recommend another test in six months to reconfirm in case of anything hiding," he hinted. "Until then, I strongly suggest continuing to practice safe sex with your current partner." Phil swallowed. He nearly hadn't even registered the rest of what the man had said. He was too busy taking in the fact that he was clean, and if he wanted, he could have Dan buried bare inside of him right fucking now. "Thank you. Doctor," he breathed out, and then he was hanging up the phone. He turned to Dan, who was on the bed covered in sweat, straining with a rock hard, deep red erection. He gulped. "I'm clean," he breathed. "He said - he said to re-test. To be careful. Dan, are you - are you sure? I can still get you off other ways. You could use a condom. What if it's just - I don't want to -"

The woman on the phone kept reassuring Dan and telling him that his test were all negative. He had the feeling she assumed he’d been so worried and /that/ was the reason for his trembling raw voice and his desperate tone. Dan would have laughed if he had the energy, but he didn’t. Instead, Dan could only manage a short thank you before hanging up and tossing his phone to the side. He threw an arm over his eyes again as he tried to pull himself together. The lack of contact from PHil helped in away. It wasn’t enough to sooth the burning of his skin or snuff out his need though. Finally, he heard Phil addressing him again. He didn’t even need to ask to know that Phil was fine. He forced himself to sit up before sending him a look. He appreciated his concern, it was sweet, but after everything they’d just done, Dan didn’t want to hear Phil suggest anything other than what they’d had planned. “Phil…all I want is to be inside of you. I don’t want you to get me off in other ways, I don’t want to use a condom, I just want to come inside you,” he chest was still heaving, and he surprised himself when he managed not to throw his phone at the wall. “It’s nice that you’re thinking about me, but if I can’t fuck you right now I don’t know what I’m going to do. I seriously don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do!” His voice raised to a higher more frantic pitch as he tried to explain himself. Without thinking, he was launching himself at Phil and pulling him back to the bed.

Phil's mouth snapped closed as Dan snapped at him, nearly sounding like he was going to cry. He stared at him in wonder for less than a second before Dan was yanking him back and down onto the bed. Dan's lips were aggressive on his, and he found himself thrown onto the bed before he knew what was happening. Unwilling to let the Doctor ruin this anymore than he already had, and with desperate permission from Dan, Phil let loose. He was really moaning now, and he pulled Dan down on top of him from where he’d fallen onto his back, panting as he spread his legs for Dan. "Then fuck me," he growled, surging upwards to drag Dan into his body. "You trust me so much, then fuck me. Now. Get me back for edging you," he insisted against Dan's mouth. "I want you inside so fucking bad. Want to feel you for real. Want to be filled up with your cum. Want you to finally let go. Come on. Fuck me, Dan. This time, you get to come."

Phil’s words nearly brought tears to Dan’s eyes. He didn’t know if he was getting emotional, or if he’d just been denied so long that it had started to take its toll on his body. “Fuck, so good…want you…bad,” Dan’s sentences were broken and choppy, he couldn’t find it in him to care. Phil seemed to know exactly what he wanted. He pressed his mouth against Phil’s again and forced his lips to part with his tongue. Already, he was licking into Phil’s mouth and shoving his tongue inside with frantic motions. He moved a hand between them and lined himself with Phil’s entrance before stopping. “Do you need more stretching, or is that hole of yours still lubed up and ready for me?” he whispered as he nipped at Phil’s ear slightly harshly, frustrated and pent up from earlier.

Phil groaned as Dan spoke hot words into his ear, spreading his legs wider, and nodding his head aggressively and quickly. "Yes, yes, yes I'm still ready for you," he groaned. "Dan, get the fuck inside me already," he begged, though he wasn't the one nearly as desperate as Dan to get off. He just sounded so hot and dominant over him, something Dan had never been before with him, and it was driving Phil nuts in the best way. "Dan, please, God, baby, punish me," he said again, and he didn't even regret the words. He meant them. He wanted Dan to punish him so fucking bad, more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

“You’ve pushed me to the edge and then dragged me back every time, wouldn’t let me come…drove me crazy,” Dan mumbled before he was finally pushing into Phil, immediately sinking in to the hilt without bothering to check if Phil was okay for that. He gasped at the tight heat that engulfed him, immediately sucking him in and clenching tight to Dan’s bare skin. There was such a big difference without a condom. He could feel it immediately, and he already knew he never wanted to go back. “Going to make you sorry, going to use you to get off,” he whispered as he slowly pulled out again before pushing in almost as quickly as the first time. “So perfect,” Dan cried out as he swallowed thickly. It truly was. Of course he’d see it that Phil came as well, though. Despite his words, that was just as important to him. At the moment though, Dan was just too wrapped up in the feeling of Phil’s walls against his shaft, the idea of punishing him and getting him back for edging Dan so many times, denying him orgasming and threatening to take away this moment of pure fucking bliss.

Phil cried out as Dan finally sunk into him, canting his hips aggressively upwards and panting as Dan spoke heated words at him, aggressive and dominant and so fucking hot. "I did. I did, I fucking did, Dan, fucking use me. Want you to use me like a fucking glory hole, fuck, Dan, use my body. I want you to get off on me, fill me up, make me yours." The words were babbles now that Phil couldn't control, but he meant every word, and that scared the shit out of him, but he was too engrossed by the way Dan was fucking into him, his cock sliding against his walls hotly, so warm and good inside of Phil, to really focus on that fear. "Fuck me, Dan! Fuck me harder, pin me down!" he screamed, pistoning his hips roughly and hard, wanting Dan to fully dominate him. "I held you back, I didn't let you come. Take me, Dan! Feel so fucking good inside me. Make me raw, Dan, fucking take me!"

Dan couldn’t help that Phil’s words were getting him close to the edge again. He’d waited for this moment for so long though, and it was finally here. There was nothing separating the two of them, no thin barrier of latex keeping him from experiencing Phil fully. This was everything and more to Dan. He growled before moving to grab Phil’s wrist and pin them above his head. His hips snapped back into Phil roughly and quickly, his balls slapping against Phil’s ass. “Gonna fill that tight little hole up, make you all mine. You’re going to get what you deserve, so fucking good,” Dan moaned as he pounded into the other. “You’re going to make me come. Mine to use,” he added knowing what it would do to Phil. “So close already!” he cried as he started to angle his hips, looking for that spot inside of Phil. He wanted to push the head of his cock into that bundle of nerves over and over until Phil was coming undone just like he was.

"All yours," Phil panted, crying out loudly as his wrists were pinned above him. He moved his legs to his chest so Dan would have better access, and now Dan was pushing deeper and deeper, his balls slapping against Phil's ass as he claimed him, pounding harder and harder into him. He cried out, loving everything about this, the way Dan was talking to him and the ache of his body contorting especially. "Just a little longer, Dan," he panted. He moaned when the comment got him harder fucking, almost like a reprimand for daring to ask Dan to wait for him when Phil had made Dan wait for so long, and yet Phil knew that Dan would make sure Phil came first, knew that Dan would never keep Phil hanging, and that’s what made it okay. "Dan!" Phil screamed the moment that Dan found that bundle of nerves inside of him, canting his hips upwards aggressively. "That's it, baby, that's it, hold on for me!" he taunted, groaning when Dan let go with one hand to stroke his erection. "Fuck!" he shouted. "Daaaaaan!" Phil could feel his orgasm building, and he could only imagine what it felt like for Dan. He wanted to be pinned down like this forever. Nothing could compare to being fucked raw by Dan. Nothing. Nothing could compare to being dominated by him. "Fuck me harder! Make us come!"

Words were beyond Dan now. All he could do was grunt and moan as he fucked into Phil and fisted his cock. He was so close, his orgasm right under his skin. Dan cried out as he thrusted harder into Phil so that he could hear nothing but the sound of his hips slapping into Phil. It was dirty, hot, and amazing in the best way possible. He kept his angle right there, and moved his hand in time with his own thrusts. That way he could press his cock into Phil’s prostate while working his cock to the rhythm. He squeezed his eyes shut and could feel the searing feeling inside of his lower stomach and balls. This was it. Finally, after being denied for so long, he was about to come in just the way he wanted to. “Fuck, baby fuck, gonna come inside you, fuck come with me Phil…just like that for me!” Dan shouted, and then all he could see was white.

Phil opened his eyes just long enough to see that Dan's jaw had gone slack. He looked mindless, needy as he fucked Phil harder, pressing forward so Phil's legs were pressed harder to his chest as he he pounded him, still holding Phil's wrists in place so he couldn't do anything. Phil just kept gasping and crying out, little 'uh's' the only sounds he could make anymore. Then Dan was talking once again, his hand and hips losing rhythm as he begged Phil to come with him. Phil's jaw dropped open. This was it. Dan was going to come inside of him, and Phil was ready to explode. He could feel his balls constricting, and all that he wanted was to come desperately. Dan shouted his name, and then Phil was exploding, all over both of them as Dan filled him up. He could feel Dan's cock throbbing, could feel the way Dan was coming undone inside of him, could literally feel everything, and he wanted to die it was so good. This was why he'd been addicted to sex to begin with. This is what had gotten him hooked. Phil screamed Dan's name, and for a second, everything went white. His legs went slack, and he felt Dan collapse against him. But he didn't, couldn't care.

This was the most amazing thing Dan had ever felt. Nothing had ever compared to the feeling Dan was experiencing. Literally. This sensation and pleasure was on a level Dan had never once reached before. His whole body buzzed and his vision blurred. He wouldn’t have been surprised if his heart had actually stopped. He couldn’t even express it. Even if Dan searched for ages, he’d never be able to find just the right words to describe this feeling. Instead, he found himself collapsed against Phil, still shuddering and pressed deep inside. His high didn’t seem to be stopping, and all Dan could do was cry out again. “So amazing,” he mumbled the moment he could actually think again. He wanted to say those words again. They rested right on the tip of his tongue. He buried his face in Phil’s neck to stop himself and busied his lips by placing heated open mouthed kisses against Phil’s neck.

Phil was panting for what felt like ages, and he wasn't even the one who'd been edged for over an hour. Possibly two, actually, but he felt nearly as exhausted as he was sure Dan did. His eyes fluttered open when Dan started speaking to him, but he was panting to hard to reply to the situation. Instead, he moaned softly as Dan started to press hot kisses into his neck. He felt lax, even as Dan kept him pressed into a practically curled position, his cock buried deep inside, keeping every ounce of his cum inside of him. "Was it - good?" Phil finally asked once he was able to speak again.

“It was the best,” Dan mumbled, finally moving away from Phil’s neck. Instead, he pressed his lips against Phil’s softly. It was true though; Dan had felt nothing like it before. He knew he wouldn’t have the energy to do it often, but he could certainly understand the appeal now. Slowly, he started to pull of off Phil, not that he really wanted to, but he assumed Phil’s position might be starting to hurt. He groaned as he felt himself slide out.

Phil puckered his lips to return the kiss, but he didn't have the energy to move his head to engage Dan. Instead, he pouted when Dan pulled away, and then groaned as Dan pulled out of him, rolling away. Phil clenched his thighs and his entrance, not really wanting to loose Dan's cum. He was enjoying the feeling of being filled up all too much for that, but he didn't really have a choice as Dan collapsed next to him on his bed. "Worth it?" he murmured, rolling his head to look at Dan.

“Worth it,” Dan nodded with a small smile. He moved so that he could rest his hand against Phil’s lower back before sighing softly. “So worth it,” he nodded again as he let his eyes slip closed for a second. “Sort of exhausted though.” It had taken absolutely everything out of him. His body still tingled pleasantly as he made himself a little more comfortable. He slid his hand down further, this time pressing it against Phil’s ass. “Do you like having my cum inside you like that?”

Phil whined a little as he moved to drop his legs, rolling onto his side a bit. Dan's arm came over his waist, hand dipping down to press against Phil's low back. It was warm and nice, and Phil was enjoying the casual touch. Then Dan moved his hand lower, caressing over the swell of Phil's ass, and he moaned a little, clenching harder around the load inside of him. He ducked his head, eyes closed in embarrassment. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, I - it's - yes." His voice had gone all breathy, and he could feel a moan building in his chest again just at the thought and feel of Dan still filling him up. He groaned, rolling his butt back against Dan's hand. "Don't want to lose it," he admitted.

Dan smirked as Phil rolled back against his hand. Dan ran his tongue across his dry lips as he lightly rubbed circles into the plump flesh. “I don’t want you to either,” he admitted as he slowly trailed a finger into the crease of Phil’s ass. “It’s so hot. I think I want it to say inside you for a while,” Dan mused before rubbing his finger against the other’s entrance. “Maybe if I just pushed it in a little more,” he hummed, gathering up the few drops of his cum that had managed to leak out. Without warning, he pushed his finger into Phil’s hole, moaning at the feeling. Phil’s hole was wet and open. He could feel his cum pooling inside him.

Phil was panting again. Dan's words were so hot against the shell of his ear. He felt warm all over, and he wanted to buck his hips, but he didn't have the energy. He should have been spent, but Dan was so fucking hot. So fucking dominant. He hadn't lost that persona yet, and it was making Phil pull in ragged breath after ragged breath as Dan pressed a finger inside of Phil's sore entrance. Phil moaned, knowing already what Dan was finding there, and enjoying the feeling of Dan pressing more cum back into him. He whined, and panted, squirming a little at the sensation of Dan pressing up into him more and more, and rolled his hips. "Fuck yes," he moaned, loving the way Dan touched him, loving the feeling of overstimulation. "Dan, yes," he cried out softly. "Want it in me. Never wanna let it go."

“You make such pretty sounds,” Dan whispered as he moved his finger in and out of Phil, slowly, finger fucking him despite the knowledge that Phil surely had to be too sensitive for any more stimulation, but unable to stop with the noises Phil was making. “Feel’s good doesn’t it?” he teased as he fingered Phil’s slick hole. After a few moments, he worked himself up to adding another finger. He knew he wouldn’t be able to cum again, but if he was lucky, he just might be able to get Phil to. “Love the feeling of you like this, filled up with cum and clenching around me like that,” Dan growled as he started to speed up his pace some. “So wet and full for me.” This was almost as good as what they’d just done.

Phil's breathing was fucking ragged, and it was all Dan's fault. He felt short of breath just from the sound of Dan's voice, the things he was saying. "Feels so good," he agreed, groaning as Dan's finger slid so welcomely against his walls until Dan was pressing a second one inside. Phil cried out at the sensation, rocking his hips that little bit harder. He could feel the warmth of Dan's cum being shoved back inside of him with every drag of Dan's fingers, and he sobbed on a choked breath. He wasn’t actually hard again, but his balls had drawn up against him with need, and he was almost certain he could come again just from this. Phil's panting had become even more aggressive as he felt himself started to tear up with need and want and desire, and Dan was just so fucking hot. "Dan!" he cried out, rocking his hips harder, barely able to get the word out. "Dan, Dan, Dan!" he chanted, "So full - so hot!"

“That’s right, so full just for me,” Dan mumbled as he easily added a third finger. “You denied me all day, so I’m going to make sure you cum twice today, baby.” Dan was dead set on Phil having another orgasm. He wouldn’t stop until Phil was shuddering against him. He angled his fingers just enough to start looking for that spot inside of Phil that would have him seeing stars. “Just like this.” He smirked as he crooked his fingers and started to roughly rub them against Phil’s walls until he found what he was looking for.

Phil was...gone. He could hear Dan speaking, but all he could focus on was the feel of Dan's fingers dragging in and out of him. There was a third one now, dipping and playing with the cum inside of him, shoving it deeper and deeper as Dan obviously looked for that spot inside of Phil. Phil's hips rolled back and forth, taking as much of Dan as he could. He could feel that his jaw had dropped open, and he was staring up at Dan pleadingly though he couldn't speak. How could he talk like that, still? Phil had never seen this side of Dan, but he wanted to see it a million times over. He reached out with hands to scrabble for purchase against Dan's chest, but just then, Dan's fingers pressed into his prostate, and he choked, eyes slamming closed as his mouth pursed into a perfect ‘o’ shape. Yeah, Dan was punishing him, and Phil was enjoying every fucking second of it.

“I love feeling myself inside you. Love pushing it deeper in,” Dan groaned as he continued to thrust his fingers inside of Phil, never missing that bundle of nerves. “So good,” he hummed, finally deciding to apply a steady amount of pressure against Phil’s prostate. He kept his fingers pressed there before reaching around to grasp Phil’s cock, pumping slowly. “I won’t make you wait, not like you made me wait. You can come anytime you want. Want to feel you cum into my hand while you clench around my fingers,” Dan growled, knowing just what kind of affect his dirty talk was having on Phil.

Phil nodded his head frantically, trying to tell Dan that he agreed with every word that he was saying, but he couldn't speak. He'd gone all quiet other than the frantic inhales of breath he took as he tried and failed to make sound. He was lost in the pleasure in a way he hadn't been in a long time, and it felt so good. It almost felt like Phil himself was being edged, but he knew he wasn't. He believed Dan when he said that he could come whenever he wanted to; the problem was the buzz in his body, under his skin, that wanted to escape but couldn't. Dan's fingers were pressing steady into his prostate now, rubbing and massaging as his hand stroked slowly over Phil's cock - so slowly, Phil could feel the slow increase of his orgasm building. "Daa-" he choked, rocking into him. His eyes were still closed, and he'd thrown his head back. His adam's apple was bobbing every time he swallowed. He could feel Dan's cum squelching inside of him with every one of his movements, and it was that sound combined with the slow drag of Dan's fingers against his prostate, his palm against Phil's cock, that sent him hurtling over the edge. He choked as he came, feeling himself tumble and fall. He jerked his hips, pumping into Dan's fist, and whining loudly as his body clenched down. He could feel Dan's cum beginning to leak around Dan’s fingers, and he shook his head, crying out. His hands scrambled back to catch it, but Dan wasn't letting him. He felt Dan's fingers drag out of him, pulling more cum with him, and Phil hated the loss so fucking much. He whined loudly, still panting through his orgasm, which was still washing through him, and he could hear Dan shushing him, could feel Dan pressing his fingers in and out of Phil, drawing him through his orgasm, and painting Phil's insides with cum once again. He moaned, curling his body and rocking himself through orgasm, eyes shut tight, as Dan tried to push himself back in, just the way Phil wanted.

Admittedly, the movements of his fingers and Phil’s clenching had forced a lot of Dan’s cum to drip out of Phil. It was an amazing sight, but Phil was crying out at the loss, so Dan cooed softly at Phil and shushed him as he worked him through his orgasm. A couple seconds later, he was catching the cum with his fingertip and gently pushing it back inside of Phil. “Shh, I’ve got it,” Dan whispered, continuing to push everything he could back inside of Phil. “It’s not like I don’t ever plan on filling you back up,” Dan teased. No, it was thrilling to know that he could now finish inside of Phil anytime he wanted to. Or anytime Phil wanted him to. “You took care of me, let me take care of you,” Dan hummed, not stopping until he’d gotten every last drop into Phil’s hole. “Anytime you want this, you can tell me and I’ll give it to you, always.” Dan could only hope this was something that the other would ask for often. He knew they were both tired now and completely sated.

It was difficult for Dan's words to register when Phil was so busy still floating in the bliss of orgasm, but he did hear him. He was panting as his body collapsed back to the bed, uncurled and sated. He was dizzy with the intense feeling he'd just gone through, numb to the world except for Dan, who he could still feel pressing cum back inside of him. It should have been gross. Phil knew most people would think it was gross, but he just wanted more. When Dan's words finally did register in his brain, he whimpered. "Please," he gasped, finally wrenching his eyes open only to realize he was crying. "Always want this," he begged, voice ragged as he looked at Dan. He probably looked a fucking state, but Dan had reduced him to fucking jelly. He felt so fucking good. He couldn't imagine that Dan felt better than him, and Dan was the one who'd been edged for hours with the full intention that he would feel the best he ever had.

“Anything for you, anytime you want it,” Dan said reassuringly as he finally pulled his fingers out of Phil. He moved to pull Phil’s overly relaxed body into his arms. He’d never know how good he looked so fucked out like this. His face flushed, his hair everywhere, body limp and lips swollen. He was beautiful. Dan kept Phil close as he let himself seriously collapse back against the pillows with no intentions of moving for the next couple of hours. “Let’s rest?” Hh suggested, hoping Phil was as ready for a nap as he was. They’d been going it at for a good part of the day, especially if they counted that morning. “Then maybe we can order pizza or something,” he hummed, knowing he’d be as lazy as he possible could at least until tomorrow.

Phil whimpered again as Dan agreed with him, closing his eyes again as he tried to come down. He'd been with so many men over the last five years, some of them with more intense taste than others, but rarely had he ever gotten the chance to be treated the same way he treated his clients. Rarely was he given just as good as he gave. And never, in five years, had someone come inside him, filling him up until he was full with their cum. He hadn't even realized how much he loved it until it had happened. In fact, he remembered as a teenager how much he'd hated having to clean it out of him. Why was this time so different? He didn't have time to consider why. He was too busy being pulled into Dan's arm as he drifted to sleep. "Yeaah..." he mumbled in response, the world slurred. He wasn't awake much longer.

Dan held Phil as they slept, tangling their legs together and making sure Phil’s head rested against his chest, feeling relaxed and smiling softly. Today had been something special, and whether it meant as much to Phil or not hardly matter to Dan right then, because he had Phil in his arms, and he’d hopefully given Phil the best two orgasms of his life just as Phil had given him his best over and over again. Dan didn’t know what time it was when he finally opened his eyes again. Early evening it seemed like. Dan knew he was pleasantly sore, comfortably warm, yet extremely hungry. He smiled when he noticed Phil still curled into him. He wanted to wake up like this always. This was perfect bliss and he didn’t know if he was ever going to be able to let that go. And Dan wouldn’t as long as Phil would let him. He stretched again before nuzzling against Phil’s face in an attempt to stir him.

It was a pleasant sleep. Phil felt like he was drifting for a long time, not really aware of anything, but still blissfully appeased. Pleasure seemed to swim through him the entire time he slept, and he sighed when he felt something stirring, the only thing that could possibly wake him up. His eyes came open slowly, and he found that he was completely curled into Dan with his head on his chest. He blinked a few times, surprised by his own affectionate movement, but didn't pull away. "Dan?" he asked, voice bleary.

“Let’s get pizza,” Dan answered back softly. “I’m hungry.” He grinned as he slowly shifted some. “What do you want on it?” he asked, moving his hand up and down Phil’s side. He hated to wake Phil up just so that he could get up and order pizza, but he hoped Phil might be just as hungry. “You know, burning all those calories and everything,” Dan moved so that he could run his hands through Phil’s hair. After that session, he felt particularly affectionate.

Phil hummed softly as Dan started talking, and closed his eyes again, snuggling close as Dan offered him more affection than he'd ever had, meanwhile teasing him. He especially liked it when Dan ran his hands through his hair, and let out a soft sound of contentment. "Anything," he eventually mumbled in response, not moving away from Dan and his wonderful hands stroking his body all over. Reflexively, he found himself clenching, a little put out when he realized he wasn't full anymore. The sheets were probably a mess, and he’d feel disgusting later when he realized just how much cum and sweat was still caked into his skin, but for now, he felt wonderful.

Dan pulled Phil in close again before nuzzling him softly once more. Yeah, this was perfect. “Do you want to take a shower while I go order?” he asked, giving Phil a chance to clean up if he needed it. “I’ll put on a movie or something,” he suggested as he pushed his fingers through Phil’s hair again. He didn’t want to do anything but be with Phil and put as little effort into things as possible, but he was willing to part for a while if it meant making Phil feel more comfortable.

Phil was already beginning to drift off again when Dan suggested he go and take a shower while Dan ordered and got a movie ready. He shook his head, cuddling closer to Dan, and pressed his face tighter against his chest. "Mm, 'M fine," he murmured, sighing as Dan's fingers carded through his hair again. It didn't take him long after that to drift off again, and he knew he would feel bad for it later, but Phil had never been that comfortable in his life and he wasn’t ready for that to end just yet.

Dan stayed still for a while so he could watch Phil drift off, again, unable even to mind that he wasn’t moving to get up and eat with Dan. The same sadness he’d felt before started to return as he watched the man drift off in his arms, and thought of all of the reasons he hadn’t said the three most important words in the world yet. He wanted Phil and only Phil. Still, he didn’t know if Phil could ever feel the same about him. He sighed softly as he let his eyes take in the other’s features. Phil was so peaceful when he slept. His dark eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, his chest rising and falling gently. It was clear to him that Phil was perfect physically. Not only that though, but he was fun. Dan always found himself laughing around Phil. It was so natural to talk to him and be around him. Dan sighed before pressing a small kiss to Phil’s forehead. A couple seconds later, he was carefully maneuvering himself from Phil’s grasp and out of bed. Phil wouldn’t sleep forever and Dan knew he’d be hungry when he did find it in him to wake up.

When Phil woke up again, he was alone, and exhausted, and pleasantly sore. It was disorienting to wake up alone, however, and he sat up disgruntled, biting his bottom lip because he wasn't sure where Dan was. He wasn't usually so clingy after sex with anyone, but this had been by far more special than any time Phil had ever had, including the last time he'd had sex with a condom. It wasn't meant to be special, no, and Phil knew that should bother him, but the more time he spent with Dan, the more lax he felt about the things that used to scare him, including his attachment to Dan. He sighed, sitting up and wincing as he realized just how sticky he actually was. Most, if not all, of Dan's cum had dripped out of him as he slept, which was still disappointing, but Phil's stomach was beginning to growl, and he had a vague memory of Dan wanting to order pizza, so he stretched as he got up, made a quick trip to the bathroom to wipe himself down, and then he was entering the lounge, probably looking lost because he was kind of hurt Dan hadn't come and got him once the pizza had arrived. "Dan?" he called, voice quiet.

Dan looked up from his laptop and smiled. Phil looked adorable like this, hair a mess and the sleepy look still on his face. When the pizza had gotten there, he’d put it up until Phil was awake. It didn’t feel right eating without him. Dan had eaten dinner alone so many times that he’d forgotten how good it felt to eat with someone else. Even though he was hungry, he’d decided to wait. He placed his laptop aside before getting up. “You were sleeping so well, I didn’t want to wake you up. I knew how tired you were,” he said as he made his way over to the other. “I haven’t had dinner yet, I’ve been waiting for you. So…you’re still up for pizza and a movie a right?” he asked, wondering how many lines he’d cross by just pulling Phil into him randomly.

Phil was surprised by the grin Dan pulled on him when he realized Phil was in the room and looked up from his laptop. It made his heart thump pleasantly and lodge in his throat. He didn't know quite how he wanted to react to that feeling, so he chose not too until it returned full force at Dan admitting he hadn't eaten dinner because he wanted to wait for Phil but hadn't had the heart to wake him up. He gulped, feeling his eyes burn with unwanted emotion, and nodded. As soon as he caught his breath, he said "Yes, please," quietly. Before Dan could get off the couch, however, Phil was moving towards him and climbing there instead. He sighed as Dan's arms immediately moved to pull him in, and closed his eyes, breathing in Dan's scent. This was...wrong, but Phil was so /happy/ that Dan hadn't just gotten what he'd wanted from Phil and then left, continuing on with his day as if Phil was nothing. Phil had already known Dan cared for him, but he'd never had a partner, even before the agency, who cared enough for him that they did everything they could for him after sex, including letting him sleep in and then waiting to eat dinner with him.

Dan ran his hands down Phil’s back and sighed contentedly. This was nice. It felt right in every way possible. When Dan was still pushing himself to be with woman, he’d hated having them there after sex. He’d want them to leave and try to hurry them along while they insisted on cooking breakfast or taking a shower first. With Phil, it was completely different. He wanted Phil here. The day he’d said he’d move in with Dan had probably been the happiest Dan had ever been. He liked eating with him, and the constant teasing. He liked the affection. Every aspect of being with Phil was right for him. He pressed a kiss to Phil’s shoulder before smiling again. “I’ll go reheat the pizza. Do you want to pick a movie for us?” he asked softly.

For a moment, they just sat like that. Phil let himself stop over thinking what he was feeling for just a moment, and then Dan was kissing him softly and suggesting they part ways. Of course Phil agreed, but he didn't really want to. As Dan left to the kitchen, Phil went searching through his movie collection. He was in the mood for something distracting tonight. Dan didn't have a lot of thriller or horror, but he did have the original massacre movie, so Phil grabbed for and stuck it in the DVD player before turning everything on. He settled in a proper seat on the sofa, and waited for Dan to return.

Dan busied himself with making their plates. After reheating their food, he grabbed a couple sodas from the fridge and headed back to the sofa. “Did you pick something good?” he asked, handing Phil his plate and drink before getting comfortable. He settled back against the sofa and popped the tab on his drink before setting it back down. Everything about this moment was domestic, and he was loving every minute of it. “I wasn’t sure what kind of pizza you liked. Pepperoni is good, right?”

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm surprised you have it, but I was in the mood. I hope that's okay for you?" Phil asked, suddenly unsure if Dan even liked the movie much. He had said he did enjoy horror and things like that, so he assumed it was fine. Besides, Dan did have it in his collection. He smiled at Dan and took his drink and plate, putting the plate in his lap before turning to Dan. "Pepperoni is fine. I'm not fussy, remember?" Phil asked. He'd never been allowed to be fussy while working at the agency. He wasn't even used to eating as much as he currently did. "You're going to make me fat, actually," he teased.

“Yeah, I like the movie a lot actually,” he nodded in agreement before taking a bite of his food. “Whatever,” Dan laughed as he rolled his eyes. “Somebody needed to feed you. I don’t see how you’ve managed. I can’t go without three square meals a day, four if I need comfort food,” Dan laughed as the movie started. Phil was skinny though, and if anything, it broke Dan’s heart that Phil used to skip meals just because he knew it would help benefit his physical appearance. “You know I don’t care about how much you weigh,” he mumbled before glancing over at him, his tone a bit more sincere now. “You could gain sixty pounds and still be fucking hot.”

Phil snorted at Dan, rolling his eyes as well as he settled back, more comfortable now he knew Dan didn't mind his movie choice. He didn't even have a chance to take a bite of his pizza before Dan was talking again, and his head whipped to the side. Dan sounded so sincere, caring, affectionate, but Phil didn't know what to do with it. He couldn't imagine anyone would still want to be with him if he did actually gain sixty pounds as Dan had suggested, but somehow, he knew /Dan/ would. He wasn't lying. Glancing back at his plate, and the two measly slices of pizza Dan had given him in comparison to Dan's four, at Phil's direction to always give him half as much as Dan was going to eat, and made a decision. He wasn't at the agency anymore. He didn't have to spend every day hungry anymore. Some weight gain didn't matter. Rather than answering Dan, Phil picked up his plate and carried it back into the kitchen. He heated up two more slices of pizza before adding them to his plate and returning to the lounge. He smiled shyly at Dan as he sat back down, and dug in without a word. He finished all four slices that night, and for the first time in he didn't know how long, he felt full.

At first, Dan had been confused about where Phil was going. He watched him get up and head back over to the kitchen. Dan raised an eyebrow as he kept the other in sight. He smiled brightly though when he realized Phil was putting a couple more slices on his plate. That was all the answer he needed from Phil. His eyes softened as he rested back against the sofa to wait for Phil. When the other was back, he sent him an approving look. Afterwards, they sat back to watch the movie, every once in awhile adding commentary and joking about something. Eventually though, the movie ended and Dan knew that their evening had to come to an end. He didn’t want to push his luck with Phil yet. He had a separate bedroom so they /didn’t/ have to share a room. It didn’t make Dan want to share a bed any less though. “I guess I better get some sleep. The weekend is only half over, and you’ve already tired me out” Dan said, sighing as he stretched out.

Phil hummed in agreement, glancing at the clock to realize how late it had gotten already. They'd slept the better portion of the day, especially Phil, and he wasn't even sure how it had happened. He yawned as he got up, not feeling a bit guilty by how much heavier he already felt just being full, and grinned at Dan. "I guess I'll see you in a few hours then, won't I?" he teased. "Although I was expecting a bit more sex tonight, I think you killed me with that dominant routine."

Dan smirked before looking Phil up and down again. “Well, just come wake me up if you decide it wasn’t enough,” he teased. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t put aside for Phil, including sleep or his own refractory period. He shut the television off before grabbing their plates and setting them in the kitchen. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said. It felt like he needed to kiss Phil or something, some kind of good night gestor. Instead though, he merely offered the another smile before making his way towards his room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 20,490 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : Top phil, rimming, fingering, dirty talk, slight degradation, implications of cheating, misunderstandings, aftercare, 69'ing, rough sex, minimal prep, drunkenness

It had been two months; two months of living together, awesome sex, and trying to convince Dan's mum that they were madly in love, and Phil was enjoying every minute of it. He hadn't expected living with Dan to be quite so easy despite the first few days going so well. In fact, Phil had expected to get tired of Dan eventually, to find the sex mediocre, and to begin missing his old job. He’d expected to break his promise about having sex with Dan and only Dan, and he’d expected to need more than two to three screws a day. Instead, Phil found that he was enjoying being exclusive, found that Dan satisfied him better than any of his clients at the agency ever had, and that two to three screws a day were plenty when Dan was in charge of them. Phil didn't have to lock himself in his bedroom every day to keep himself from going out onto the streets to find cheap or free sex anymore either. Instead, he found himself eagerly waiting in the lounge, the buzz constant under his skin, but almost pleasant now because he knew what he'd be getting when Dan eventually got home, and that was enough to keep Phil going.

His zine had blown up. People on his website and who received his newsletter had gone ballistic when they’d learned that Phil wanted to start producing more issues a month. In the weeks of deliberation, they’d eventually voted on shorter issues twice a month with a small increase in payment plans, and so far, Phil had delivered. Dan had also found Phil cheap advertising, and had even set up around his own law firm, handing out pamphlets to his co-workers and leaving them on his desk for clients to pick up if they were interested. Two more schools had added subscriptions to Phil's zine, and Phil’s brother had began to thank Dan for his services, wanting to meet the elusive man who had not only gotten Phil out of his call boy job, but who’d helped bring Phil and his brother more business. Martin was absolutely ecstatic for Dan’s help, and when they met for coffee these days to discuss their zine, Martin was also keen to enquire after finally meeting Dan, but Phil didn’t want him to. It really wasn’t helping either that every time Dan came up in conversation, Martin would give Phil these looks that made him uncomfortable, and so he kept putting off Martin and Dan’s meeting for as long as he possibly could; which would be forever if Phil had his way, but he had a dark feeling that he wouldn’t.

And that was the other thing, the only thing that was making Phil itch with nerves. The only problem with living with Dan. The looks Martin kept giving Phil were easy to read. There was a happy quirk to one edge of his smile, and his eyes sparkled. He tilted his head knowingly, hopefully, every time Phil brought Dan up - which was more often than not, because not only was Dan literally the only other person in Phil's life, he had quickly become the best friend Phil had ever had - and badgered Phil constantly with questions about, well, his feelings.

Feelings that Phil couldn't completely deny didn't exist, but they weren't /love/ the way Martin liked to insinuate they were. Phil was sure of that. He'd felt romantic love precisely once in his life, and had had his heart broken in the process. What he felt for Dan was most definitely not /love/ or Phil would know it. He was still far too broken to ever feel something as important and strong as love for Dan. Yeah, he cared for the man, was more attached to him than he'd ever intended to get, but he didn't /love/ him. No. Of course not.

Still. It was scary. The insinuation was there that Phil might fall in love with Dan. How, he didn't even know, but the thought terrified him, because he knew Dan could never love him back, and Phil didn't want to have his heart broken all over again if he /did/ somehow manage to love again. Phil hadn't even ever thought it was possible, and then he'd spent a month with Dan, and didn't find himself growing tired of him. He found himself growing more and more fond of him until even Martin could tell that something was changing.

Phil knew he needed to get out of here. Phil knew he couldn't risk his feelings, that he couldn't risk Dan's, but it was hard when every day he came up with more excuses to stay; Dan was helping him with his zine, Dan's mum was starting to relax around him, Dan had given him the absolute best blow job of his life, he couldn't just leave after /that./

/One more day. I'll stay just one more day,/ Phil kept telling himself, but one more day stretched and stretched and stretched until it had been a week, two weeks, three weeks, a month, and Phil was no more closer to leaving Dan than he had been that first day when Phil had showed up at Dan’s apartment and given him the best blow job of his life.

Phil sighed. He didn't want to lose his best friend, but falling in love was not an option. No matter which way he looked at it, Phil knew he was already screwed. Either Dan would fall in love with someone else, move on and kick Phil out, or Phil would fall in love with Dan, who would never be able to return his feelings, and Phil would be left, in the dirt, with nothing. So he was soaking up the days he got to keep Dan, soaking up his attention, before he inevitably lost it forever.

The door opened. Phil sat up, completely naked with a bottle of lube on the sofa cushion next to him, already prepared for what he had in store for Dan today. He waited all of the three seconds that it took for Dan to get from the hallway to the lounge, and then he blurted out what he'd been waiting months to try.

"I want to fuck you."

If Phil only had so much longer left with Dan, then he wanted to be inside of him at least once. He gulped, watching as Dan froze in front of him in the middle of pulling off his blazer.

\--

Things had been perfect lately. Dan was getting more than he’d ever thought he’d have in a million years; somebody he could come home to, to eat his dinners with, and to laugh with. He’d been so alone before Phil, and to finally have someone he could share his life with was everything Dan had ever wanted. When Phil smiled at him, it was better than his law school acceptance letter, his father offering him his partner position, and every other huge moment of Dan’s life that he could think of. Phil was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

To top it all of, Dna’s mother was finally starting to come around. She seemed to be slowly accepting this relationship of his, and she’d even pulled Dan aside the other day to find out when Phil’s birthday was; a sure sign that she wanted to put some of her baking skills to use. His father of course, had been accepting from the start. Still, it was nice to see him and Phil talking easily, his father making sure Phil was planning on coming to the next firm function.

Then the zine had taken off. Dan was so proud of Phil for that. Dan liked the work Phil did and the content of zine, and he thought what Phil did was important. He’d started keeping a couple of the new issues in his office as well as handing out subscription information. Seeing Phil happy like this had only made Dan’s heart swell with the same happiness. He cared about Phil’s success so much, and was constantly trying to come up with new ways to advertise Phil’s work. When he wasn’t doing that, he was doing his best to get sneak peeks, but Phil was on to him and more often than not distracted Dan until he was too busy focusing on other aspects of Phil to worry about the new set of questions he might be answering or the tiny doodles he was adding to the corners of the fun zine.

To say that life was good was an understatement. Dan honestly didn’t know the last time he’d been so happy before. Every day had become more meaningful for him. Leaving for work was a bit harder though, seeing as how he’d rather stay home with Phil. The sooner he got to work. the sooner he could go home again, though, and he hadn’t stayed late for over a month. He knew people were starting to notice, but they were also definitely starting to notice how much happier Dan was, and that made it easier to bear their constant overbearing questions.

Dan sighed as he finally got home and unlocked the front door. The day had seemed to drag on forever. It was good to finally be at home again. He was ready to see Phil and find out what he’d been up to. He sort of expected that he’d need sex; it was a bit of a routine now. Dan didn’t mind, far from it - it was good way to let off steam at the end of the work day. He liked Phil needing him the moment he got in. It was something he looked forward to. It was like a hello kiss, only a thousand times better. Coming home to Phil was the best part of the day.

As Dan walked in though, Phil’s almost immediate words left him wide eyed and frozen. He was caught off guard, but he wasn’t against it. He’d sort of been expecting Phil to ask at some point. He hadn’t known today was going to be the day though. “I…right now?” Dan asked after a long few seconds. He finally let his blazer drop to the floor as he held Phil’s gaze. “I mean…yeah, we can…if that’s what you want. I want whatever you want,” Dan said, stumbling over his words as his heart skipped a couple beats. He was nervous and unsure. He was also just as excited though.

Phil couldn't help that he started laughing at Dan's response, the nerves almost immediately melting away because Dan was just such a dork. This was why Phil was so attached to him - he cared for Phil in ways that no one else but his brother ever had, plus some, obviously, but he was also a complete and utter dork. The way he stuttered over his response to Phil was just...so Dan. Phil laughed, the sound loud in the room, and he curled over himself with the force of it, unable to even look at Dan or take him seriously at that moment. Dan didn't seem put off by the idea, and Phil most definitely still wanted to do it, but there was just something ridiculous about the way Dan had responded. When the chuckles finally died down, Phil looked back up at Dan with tears in his eyes. "Wow," he finally said. "Wouldn't expect you to jump up and down in excitement, Dan but, wow."

Dan didn’t know what had shocked him more; Phil asking, or his laughter at Dan’s response. He tipped his head in confusion as Phil burst out with the sound. He blinked when Phil doubled over with the amount of laughter coming from him. When the other finally did look back up at him, Dan couldn’t help but smile in return. He had to admit his response hadn’t really been a good one, after all. As eloquent as he was with words, at times he tended to get them all wrong. “You just caught me off guard,” he laughed back, rolling his eyes fondly at Phil. Phil’s laughter would always be his favorite sound, even if it was at his expense.

Standing up, Phil sauntered over to Dan, stopping just a few inches in front of him. He reached out to grab Dan's shirt, and dragged him the last few inches in so their breath mingled. "Fair enough," he replied. "But I'd really only like to do this if you want to, not because you do everything I ask," he added, giving Dan a knowing look. That was something else he'd gotten used to over the last two months: Dan was constantly jumping to do anything Phil wanted. He'd learned how to get out of Dan what he wanted instead, but he wasn't in the mood to play that today. "I'd really like to be with you that way though, at least once," he continued, "If you think you're ready for that step in your gay sex education?" Phil teased, trying to make things a little less intimidating for Dan but wanting to cut through all the bullcrap at the same time.

Even if Dan wanted to say no, which he certainly didn’t, he didn’t think he could. “Of course. I always want to expand my knowledge of gay sex,” he mumbled back with a smirk, half teasing as well but also remarkably turned on already. So maybe he’d grown to need Phil just as much as Phil needed him. A second later, Dan was crashing their lips together and groaning, licking into Phil’s mouth with the same heated passion they always shared, and enjoying every second of it. Eventually, he managed to force himself to pull away before nodding once again. “I want to. I see how much you like it, there has to be something really great about it. I’m sort of surprised you haven’t asked sooner.” Dan had been wondering when Phil would actually bring it up. He’d try anything with Phil at least once. He knew how he withered and moaned under Dan’s touch, the way he thrashed when Dan was pounding into him. He wanted to know exactly what it was like on the other end.

Phil couldn't help stuttering on a moan when Dan dragged him into a kiss. The man had become quite adept at taking control in their sex life over the last two months, something Phil was more happy about than he could say, but all too soon Dan was pulling back again to resume their conversation. It was too bad too, because it had been a rough kiss, and Phil loved it when Dan was rough with him. He was a little dazed as Dan told him he was surprised Phil hadn't asked sooner, and he mentally berated himself for not trying earlier. He'd wanted this for a long while now, and it was now quite clear that he could have had it sooner if he’d only worked up the confidence to ask before now. "Didn't want to push you," Phil murmured in reply, eyes slipping closed as he leaned back in for another kiss. They snapped back open before they could kiss though when he realized the full extent of Dan’s words. "It's better than fingering," he said, realizing that Dan would need some kind of context for what was to come. "That's why I like having you inside me better than your fingers. I know you enjoy it when I finger you. You'll like this too,” he reassured Dan.

Dan didn’t doubt that he’d like it. It was a bit unnerving though. The idea of having something inside of him much bigger than Phil’s fingers was a little bit concerning. It wasn’t like Phil was small by any means. He pulled them back together so that their lips glided against each other’s. He ran his tongue over Phil’s bottom lip and licked into his hot mouth as soon as Phil parted them. “Want you to show me how good it feels,” he mumbled into their lip lock before grabbing Phil’s hips and bringing them together, not wasting anytime getting started today. “Now you’ll show me what it’s like,” Dan hummed, already breaking out the dirty talk.

"Mm," Phil hummed, lips parting easily for Dan. He always enjoyed this part. Always had, really, but Dan was better. The shy Dan he'd met back when they first started this whole mess was long gone. Phil could honestly say he missed him, but this Dan - confident, dominant, so good with his hands, mouth, and cock - that was so worth having. His eyes slipped open again when Dan began talking to him, already starting in with exactly what he knew Phil liked. It normally might have made Phil weak in the knees, but not today. Today, Phil wanted to be on top. Literally. "Let me take care of you then," he murmured, drawing their lips apart though Dan had a firm grip on his waist and wasn't letting him draw his body away as well. He grinned at that, fingerings tightening in Dan's shirt. "You'll have to let me go, though. Come on, Dan. Don't you like it when I take care of you?"

Dan slowly let his grip on Phil’s hips loosen before he nodded softly. “Love it when you take care of me,” he agreed. It was true. When Phil said he was going to take care of Dan, he never failed to make Dan feel amazing. He could trust Phil in this experience. So far he’d made good on everything he’d offered Dan. Dan trailed his hands up and down the other’s side for a few moments before letting them drop completely. “Here?” he asked, noting the lube that had been left on the sofa. “Or your room…my room?” he suggested, throwing different places into his question. Hell, Dan didn’t care if they did it in the bathroom. As long as he could have Phil touching him and making him feel good then it was well worth it.

Phil's smirked broadened as Dan did as he asked, slowing letting go of him and assuring Phil that he did love it when Phil took care of him. It made Phil preen, knowing that he made Dan feel so good, but he had to shoo away the thoughts that questioned why Dan couldn't love him as well. They didn’t belong here in this moment or any moment for that matter. Phil shrugged as Dan threw out a few different rooms. "It's up to you. I just figured I'd be ready out here. I always am when I know you're on your way home," he teased, taking Dan's hand in his lightly and dragging him towards the sofa. He picked up the bottle of lube, and gestured to Dan's bedroom. They never fucked in Phil's. "I think you'd prefer a bed for your first time, though."

A bed sounded good. Dan wanted to know he had room to stretch and sprawl if he wanted. He wanted to be able to give Phil all of him. Doing it on a sofa seemed a little more difficult. He was a little disappointed when Phil made a move to head to his bedroom, though. He’d wanted Phil’s room for this particular experience for some reason. He’d settle for his own though. The moment they got through Dan’s door, Dan was undoing the buttons of his shirt until it was only hanging off of him. “So, how are we going to start?” Dan asked lowly. He knew how he started when Phil was on the bottom. Maybe it wouldn’t be that much different? He didn’t know for sure.

Phil grinned as he turned to find Dan already getting his shirt undone, and moved into his space to help him with his jeans. He pulled the button done, finding Dan was already hard, and couldn't help noting that Dan was always hard by the time he got home, by the time Phil got his hands on him. As soon as the zip and button were undone, Phil pressed his pants and jeans down until they were settled at his knees, moving his hands up and over Dan's cock and up his stomach until he could push Dan's shirt off his shoulders. "How do you think we're going to start, Dan?" he teased. "The same way we always start. With my fingers in your bum. Strip for me, and then get on your hands and knees. It's easier that way, for your first time."

Without even thinking, Dan did what Phil asked. He couldn’t deny how his heart speed up again and his stomach flipped. He wished he’d be able to really see Phil while he fucked him. He wasn’t about to make things harder for himself though. If Phil said this was easier, than this was how he wanted to do it. He hurried to finish pulling off his clothes before climbing on the bed and getting to his knees. They’d done this before, with Phil fingering him. It different now though. Probably because Dan knew he’d be getting more than just three digits inside of him today. He chewed his lip as he waited patiently for Phil to start working him open.

Phil watched with bright eyes as Dan did as he asked, loving the way Dan looked on his knees like that. Phil would never get tired of seeing Dan in that way. He loved spreading him open as well. As soon as Dan was settled, Phil climbed onto the bed with him, not yet bothering with the lube as he pressed his cock along the seam of Dan’s ass, and his chest to Dan's back. One hand came up to steady Dan's hips, while the other cupped Dan's cheek, turning his head so he could kiss him. He knew Dan had to be nervous for this, and he knew kissing calmed Dan down, so he licked into his mouth calmly, hotly, and smiled when Dan heaved a sigh, relaxing against him. As soon as Dan seemed okay, Phil pulled away, grabbing the lube and popping the lid. He squeezed a generous amount of lube on three fingers, and moved the hand on Dan's hip to start spreading him open. Moving down, Phil pressed his mouth to Dan's low back, trailing kisses down his skin and over his ass cheeks, until his mouth was hovering over where he had Dan spread open. "Promise I'll take care of you," he stated lowly. "Promise I'll make it good for you." Rather than waiting for a response, he licked a wet stripe over Dan's entrance, and then did it again, grinning at the way Dan shuddered out a moan underneath him.

Phil’s lips against his only proved to relax his nerves. Eventually though, Phil was pulling away, and instead, Dan felt slick fingers sliding into him. Dan moaned as he buried his face into the mattress and arched his back. The combination of kisses against his lower back and Phil’s fingers stretching him open was delicious, it always was really. Dan could only moan again when he felt Phil’s tongue lapping against his entrance. “Fuck,” he whispered as he waited for more. Already, he needed more right now. Just the thought of what was to come had his cock twitching, and he felt desperate already. “Please?” he mumbled, his eyes squeezing shut. Already it felt so good. Dan let himself imagine what it was going to feel like to have Phil’s cock inside of him, pressing into that spot he loved so much.

Phil grinned against Dan's skin as he pleaded for exactly what Phil was offering him. Humming in quiet reply, Phil pressed a second finger inside of Dan, scissoring him open carefully. Usually, when he fingered Dan, it was purely for Dan's enjoyment, and each finger forward was a stretch up to prepare Dan for the next finger. This time, Phil had plans for something much bigger than his fingers. As his fingers spread apart, he pressed his tongue inside of Dan as well, laving against Dan's walls and around his own fingers for a short minute before he began to make short thrusting motions. Dan writhed under the ministrations, and Phil smiled. There was something warm in his chest, and he was growing more and more excited over the prospect of fucking Dan for once. First, though, he wanted to make the preparation process as good for Dan as he possibly could. He continued the motions with his tongue as he scissored Dan more purposefully than normal, eventually pulling away to add a third finger just to return to scissoring Dan again. His finger pressed inside to distract Dan, but he knew the pain wouldn't be too much for him. Dan always liked it when Phil did this to him - the only difference this time was Phil was trying to open him up even more, rather than searching for that spot that would make him see stars. No, Phil wanted to save that. He had an idea of where it would be, but he wouldn't touch it until he was inside.

Dan threw his head back as he felt Phil start to lick against his walls. He felt much too good to be on edge over what was going to happen, and it was honestly a bit of a relief. It was like a lot of the first times he’s shared with Phil; he wanted it so badly, and yet he was worried that he was going to do something wrong or that it was going to hurt. This one he sort of expected to have a rough start. Of course though, he knew Phil would make it good for him. He wouldn’t be sore for long...at least he hoped not. At the moment though, all his focus was on Phil’s touch. He’d thought he’d soon feel the other’s fingers rubbing against his spot. When it didn’t happen, he couldn’t say that he wasn’t sort of frustrated. Still, it felt good to have Phil stretching him even further open than usual.

Phil pulled his tongue out of Dan only to suck around his rim, hallowing his cheeks to make the motion and attempting to make it around his fingers still spreading Dan open for him. Dan moaned lowly, and Phil hoped it made up for the fact that he was refusing to press against Dan's prostate. He sucked harder at the same time as he very abruptly spread Dan further, moaning into the feeling of Dan's body resisting, but wanting to get Dan as slick and open for him as he could before he went any further. Dan's body tensed for a moment, but quickly he returned to moaning as Phil's mouth distracted him. When he felt Dan was okay, Phil stuck his tongue back inside, licking into him and pressing his mouth harder and harder to Dan's ass in an attempt to really get his tongue inside. He could taste his fingers, could taste Dan, and didn't really want to stop, but he could feel Dan beginning to thrust back against him, and figured it was time. As he drew away, Dan whined. "Shh, gonna give you something better. You're gonna love this, Dan. I'm going to make you scream."

Phil’s tongue inside him was incredible. Dan had always loved that though. The feeling of Phil licking him open and pressing his tongue into him, slurping around his entrance was enough to almost send him over the edge already. He pushed back against Phil’s mouth, but it only resulted in Phil pulling away. Dan was vaguely aware of the sounds he was making. He balled his fist into the sheets and groaned. “Please, fuck, more,” Dan mumbled as he did what he could to see over his shoulder. “Need you,” he panted as he waited for Phil. He was more turned on than worried now. He just needed something.

Phil grinned as Dan begged him, and used the lube on his fingers to slick up his cock. Dan was looking over his shoulder at Phil, and the motion caused Phil to move into his personal space, pressing up against his body to lean in for a kiss. He could see on Dan's face that he wasn't worried anymore, but he desperately wanted Dan's lips on his. It took a moment of him pressing against Dan for Dan to roll his body back in silent question, which was when Phil finally pulled away from the kiss. Rather than make Dan's nerves return by asking him questions Phil already knew the answer too, Phil moved his hips against Dan so his cock grinded against Dan's crack. "I'm going to fuck you now, Dan," he murmured quietly. "I'm going to make you feel so good under me. Gonna make you love bottoming for me," he continued to breathe, his words hot against Dan's ear as he continued to tease at his rim. Finally, Phil moved back and reached down to line himself up. With a slow push, Phil began to fill Dan up, gasping immediately as Dan's body tried to suck him in, warm walls contracting around him, and how different was this without a condom? Somehow, Phil was endlessly glad he'd never had to use one with Dan. He moaned quietly, hands on Dan's hips as he pressed inside slowly, desperate to make this good for Dan. He was almost certain he'd stretched him enough that it shouldn't hurt, but Phil's girth was honestly pretty sizeable. Despite how often he bottomed and the vague preference for it, Phil hadn’t only been popular for his stamina.

It wasn’t that it hurt. No, not really anyway, but the sensation of having Phil slowly sliding into him wasn’t pleasurable either. It was uncomfortable and it sort of stung. It wasn’t anywhere close to unbearable though. Dan didn’t know why he’d thought there would be instant pleasure, but he was kind of put out by the fact that he wasn’t taking to it immediately the way Phil usually did. He shifted some as he tried to adjust a little more to Phil’s size. This was different to say the least. It felt strange to be stretching around Phil’s cock while Phil filled him up rather than the other way around for once. Dan shifted once again, trying to find out which angle made his body relax the most. His breathing was still labored, but he wanted this more than anything, even it wasn’t exactly what he’d expected it to be.

Phil had to bite his lip when he bottomed out from the intense pleasure radiating throughout him, holding himself still for Dan who wasn't making a sound. That worried him some, and he knew he needed to wait before moving. While Phil had done everything he could to avoid there being pain, Phil had known it would take a considerably larger amount of time for it to actually start to feel good. There was something about a first time that made it not feel good right away like it did for Phil - though if he was being honest, he knew a lot of men who didn't find it pleasurable the whole way through ever. Phil bit his lip harder when Dan started to shift around against him, looking for pleasure or trying to encourage Phil, he wasn't sure, but he did know that it wasn't safe to move despite his own desperate desire to rut into Dan uncontrollably. There was something special and amazing about being the first one to fill someone, and having that be Dan was only making Phil's control slip through his fingers further. Something hot and warm seared through Phil’s chest, something that made him feel breathless, and he shoved it away to the furthest seat at the back of his head. As soon as he thought he could speak without losing control, Phil pressed a hand to Dan's low back. "Relax for me, Dan. I can't make you feel good if you don't relax," he hummed, leaning over Dan to pepper kisses to his upper back. Dan wasn't clenching around him, not really, anyway, but Phil could still feel the tenseness in his back. His other hand moved down from Dan's hip to play with his cock, lightly wrapping his fingers around the shaft to give Dan a reminder of what he should be feeling. "Let me make you feel good, baby. Let me take care of you," he whispered, shifting his own hips that tiny bit, and moaning lowly at the way Dan's body held tight to him. "Shit," he muttered, stilling again. It was almost too much, and Phil was afraid he might just lose control and take Dan in that same painful way Phil had first been taken. He never wanted anyone to have to experience what he’d experienced all those years ago.

Having Phil’s hand wrapped around him was a nice reminder. While Dan couldn’t deny the fact that it still wasn’t exactly good yet, he /was/ starting to relax. Then Phil was moaning out lowly, cursing behind him, and Dan ran his tongue over dry lips. That sound was delicious enough to make him want to buck down into Phil’s hand. “You can move,” he whispered, his voice breathy and strained. He knew it would only feel the way he wanted it to if kept his body pliant and if he let Phil work them into a rhythm, but they had to get started first. Dan knew there was something amazing to being fucked; he just hadn’t figured it out yet. The closeness with Phil was nice though, that was the one thing he really loved so far. Phil was inside of him, and he’d be the first person to have /ever/ been inside of Dan like that. Dan didn’t know if he’d even ever trust someone else enough to let them be inside of him like this. He knew Phil would make this good, that he’d see stars by the end of it. He didn’t know how, but he had plenty of faith. “Want to feel you pounding into me,” Dan added, a little breathless now at the thought of it.

Phil shook his head. He was afraid if he started moving that he wouldn't be able to stop, that he wouldn't be able to go slow. It had been so long since he'd fucked anybody in the time he'd spent with Dan. More than that, though, it had been too long since Phil had been with someone who, at the very least, was a virgin in this. Dan was so fucking /tight/ and Phil thought he was going to die from the way Dan's walls constricted against him. He moaned again though when Dan told him he wanted to feel him pounding into him, and he couldn't help the small twitch of his hips. "Don't want to hurt you. So fucking tight, Dan. You have no idea. Feels like - feels so warm, inside you," he moaned, and rocked his hips that tiny bit more again. Usually, he was much more confident in these things, but he was suddenly terrified that Dan /wouldn't/ like it, despite his insistence earlier that Dan /would./

“Please?” Dan groaned as he felt Phil rock into him. “I want you to make me feel good,” he said as he tried to fuck himself back on the other’s cock. He wanted it to feel good already. He was ready to be blown away and writhing with pleasure, want, need. “You aren’t going to hurt me,” he insisted, and even if he did, Dan knew there was about to be more to this than he could have ever realized. He tossed his head back some in frustration. “Come on, fuck me!” he demanded, “Fuck my tight hole,” he growled, hoping that it would give Phil enough of an edge to put him in his place. He moved his hips into Phil’s hand this time. “Need you, need to know what it’s like,” he begged, making his voice as whiny as he could manage, hoping it would match the way Phil sounded when he begged for Dan in that absolutely beautiful way he had about him.

Phil started panting with the effort to hold back, his head feeling fuzzy and warm. He could hear Dan speaking, but part of him was still terrified. Dan sounded so good begging for him though, and he /did/ want to make Dan feel good. It was reassuring to hear that Dan didn't think he was going to hurt him, but Phil didn't trust himself. He rocked his hips slightly again when he felt Dan pushing back, clearly trying to get them started, and tightened his hold on Dan’s hips. It wasn't until Dan shouted at him that he broke. He could hear Dan's desire, but it was more the controlled dirty talk that really got Phil going, the knowledge that Dan was desperate to know what it was like. Gripping tighter to Dan's hips to the point where he knew he would probably bruise, Phil pulled all the way out with a low whine, and shoved back in roughly, crying out as he did so. Dan's walls were gripping tight to him, so warm and inviting, that Phil nearly did lose control, but he had the presence of mind to stroke Dan harder with the hand still clutching his cock, all the while shifting his hips in search of that spot inside of Dan that would take away any pain Phil might be giving. He couldn't help letting loose, rocking his hips harder than he probably should have for Dan's first time, but Dan had asked him to /fuck/ him, and that was exactly what he was going to do. "Da - Dan," he panted. "So - fuck. You're so fucking tight."

Dan’s eyes widened as Phil suddenly began, thrusting roughly into Dan, and Dan found himself suddenly struggling to keep himself on all fours. His mouth went slack as a shudder ran up his spine. It wasn’t an intense pleasure just yet, but it certainly felt good. He was slowly getting used to Phil’s size inside of him, his walls stretching to accommodate Phil’s cock. Dan gasped as the other started to stroke his own cock faster and a little more roughly. “Fuck!” Dan cried out as he tried to regain his composer. It felt good even if there was still a small aching sensation to it. “M-More,” he stuttered as he rocked back into Phil again, urging him to go faster. “Please…I-I need more,” he whined. He wanted to be fucked until he couldn’t remember his name, until he found the exact type of pleasure he was looking for, that Phil always seemed to get out of Dan fucking him.

Phil felt the breath knock out of him, and it took him less than a second to reply to Dan. He dropped Dan’s cock entirely, moving so both hands were clutching tight to Dan's hips, and then he /really/ got going. His hips worked faster until he could feel and hear his balls striking at Dan's ass, could feel his own cock bottoming out with each and every thrust. The rhythm was easy to find once Phil stopped trying to hold back, and Dan's prostate even easier. He knew the moment he hit it because Dan clenched around him, shouting his name as his arms gave out, and Phil fell forward slightly with him, giving himself a better angle to fuck into Dan. "Just like this, Dan. You sound so good under me, taking me so good. Fuck, you're so hot like this. Never knew how badly I needed to hear you beg and call my name," he growled, thrusting harder and faster as his own pleasure raced through him. Dan felt like heaven around Phil's cock, and Phil never wanted it to end.

Suddenly, Dan found everything he’d been looking for. Suddenly, Phil was fucking into that bundle of nerves deep inside of Dan that he normally only touched with his fingers, and Dan was finally seeing stars like he thought he would. He collapsed against the bed so that his chest was pressed against the mattress and his ass was in the air for Phil. His breath caught as he struggled to make coherent words. “Fuck, oh fuck,” Dan cried out. “So good please, Phil!” he yelled, needing more of everything, never wanting it to end. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, but he wanted to enjoy every minute that he did have. The position made it harder for him to try and fuck back against Phil’s cock, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. “Fuck, yes! Harder Phil!”

Dan was screaming and begging for more, cursing as he writhed on the bed, and Phil had never seen Dan like this, not even when he rimmed him, not when he fingered him, not when he fucked Phil instead. No, Dan looked like he was falling apart, consumed by pleasure, and Phil just wanted to push for more. He pounded into Dan harder, fucking into his prostate over and over and over again, not bothering to reach for his cock as he watched Dan try and fuck back against Phil in a desperate desire for /more/. Phil was trying to give it to him, straining to press in deeper, fuck Dan harder, wanting Dan to remember this for the next time, wanting Dan to want this again and again and again because Phil suddenly had a need to come deep inside of Dan, to be buried inside of him over and over again. "Dan - Dan - Dan - Dan - so...good for me," he panted. He leaned over so his chest was pressed to Dan's, and fucked him harder still. "Come for me, Dan. Wanna see you fall apart. Want to feel you clench around me. Come on, Dan, come for me!"

Dan was to the point of thrashing at that point. Phil was giving him exactly what he’d asked for. Exactly what he’d asked for, and it was better than he’d ever imagined. It was perfect in every way. Dan cried out again as he pressed his face further into the mattress, shoving his head sideways so he could breathe, but hardly even sparing the need a thought. This was the appeal of being fucked. This was what made it all worth it. Phil started to pound harder into him as he bent over Dan’s back, hitting his prostate with every single thrust, and then Phil was asking for Dan to come. Dan couldn’t be more grateful, because it was about to happen regardless. He tried to hold out a little longer, but with Phil’s breath in his ear and his voice telling Dan to fall apart, there was just no hope. “Phil!” Dan cried out as he rutted into the bed, gaining friction against his rock hard erection, and then he was coming. He had so little warning, as well. His vision was gone, and he swore his ears had started to ring, but he just continued to thrash under Phil as he rode out the intense feeling.

Dan shouted his name as he came. His body clenched down around Phil, causing Phil to cry out as well at the intense feeling of being squeezed tightly, held so warmly inside of Dan's tight heat. He choked on his breath, on his words, and rutted harder into Dan, knowing that Dan had already come, but desperate to hold onto every ounce of his own pleasure as Dan's body squeezed over and over and over again, milking at Phil as he continued to fuck Dan, desperate to reach his own climax. "Da - Dan!" he shouted, and then he was finally coming, thrusting once more so he was buried deep to the hilt and Dan could suck him up, take all of him. He could feel himself falling as he collapsed on top of Dan, but he was too blissed out to care.

There was a moment of heavy breathing and stillness. Dan was lost to his own pleasure as he attempted to catch his breath. His chest heaved and felt limp and sated. He still buzzed with the feeling of his climax as he slowly started to come down from the high that he’d got, that feeling of overwhelming pleasure. "Phil," he mumbled softly. This had done nothing for his emotional state. "I'm so glad you were my first," he whispered, knowing it was almost silly, like something a teenage girl would say. Still, he wouldn't have changed it for anything. He felt this closeness to Phil he'd never felt for anyone else before in his life, and he wouldn’t exchange it for anything in the world.

Phil could hardly hear Dan, but the words registered enough for him to smile, feeling his chest lighten with that all too familiar warmth that he was starting to hate. At the time being, though, he felt too close to Dan to hate it. He felt euphoric instead. He felt on top of the world. Everything was alight, and only partially because he'd orgasm'd. It was because Dan had allowed him to be his first. Dan had trusted him, given him that, and...and Phil had never been allowed that pleasure before. Not really. He'd been with plenty of virgins, rare as they were, but they always wanted to save that one particular first for a significant other. No, Phil was euphoric because never in his life had he been given someone so wholeheartedly. His head spun. He didn't answer. He only pressed light kisses to Dan's shoulders and back, hoping he'd understand but unable to say the words /me too, thank you./

Dan let himself take in the feeling of Phil pressing kisses against his skin. That was all he needed at the moment. It was more than enough reassurance for him. Even if Phil couldn’t love him, Dan knew that he, at the very least, cared for him. Dan was more than happy to take that. He sighed softly as let his eyes get heavy. He was tried and fucked out, but it was becoming his favorite feeling though. He was happy, ridiculously happy. He felt as if everything really was right in the word.

Eventually, Phil regained enough sense to sit up. "How you feeling?" he asked, knowing he should pull out but not wanting to just yet. The most he was willing to do was pull away so he wasn't crushing Dan anymore. He moved his hands from Dan's hips to rub at his low back, already knowing Dan would be sore by the next morning. "Are you okay?" he asked, just wanting to make sure Dan was doing good for now.

"Tired," Dan answered back easily, taking the opportunity to look back at Phil for a moment. "I don't hurt, not right now anyway," he said softly. He was a bit stiff on the verge of a dull ache, but for the moment, he felt amazing. He wondered if Phil was going to stay and rest with him. He knew it was way too early to think about going to bed, but Dan couldn't stop his eyelids from drooping. Sometimes sex with Phil just wore him out so much, in the best way possible of course.

Phil chuckled, sighing softly as he realized he really had no excuses to stay buried inside of Dan anymore, not when both of them were breathing normally again. Slowly, he pulled out, going slowly so as not to irritate Dan anymore than he had to. As soon as he was pulled free, he stared at the way his cum dribbled out with him, and sighed again. "Let me grab a washcloth and then I'll clean us up," he explained, patting Dan's back one last time before pulling away. It didn't take him long to get the cloth, and then he was back, cleaning Dan up as best as he could and wishing Dan didn't look so uncomfortable with Phil's cum dripping out of him so he could push it back in the way Dan did so often for him. He hadn't really expected Dan to enjoy the feeling - most people didn't after all - but it would have been nice. He sighed as he threw the rag to the floor, wanting to get back into bed with Dan more than he wanted to be clean. "Roll over. You'll get even more stiff if you stay like that. You need to relax."

Phil was so gentle with him. It made Dan’s heart swell. However, the sensation of having something dripping out of him was foreign. It wasn’t unpleasant really, just something he’d never experienced before. The feeling made him squirm some as he tried to get accustomed to it. He missed the feeling of Phil being inside of him more than he enjoyed his cum leaking out. Maybe if they continued this, he’d get use to it and even grow to like it. He knew how much it turned him on to push his own cum back inside of Phil. After Phil finished cleaning him up, he was instructing Dan to lay right. Slowly, and with a bit of effort, Dan rolled onto his back and sighed. He was glad that Phil didn’t have any plans on leaving. “Let’s sleep for a bit?” he suggested, already wrapping his arms around the other. He wanted to keep him there for as long as he could.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Always so exhausted after sex, Dan. I thought I'd taught you a thing or two since we started this whole thing," he teased, laughing a bit at Dan's small pout. He got into bed properly with Dan, though, and pulled him against him. It wasn't often that Dan cuddled up to him rather than the other way around, but Phil got the feeling that they were both feeling particularly sentimental at the moment. He wrapped his arms around Dan. "Fine, but I'm not tired. Don't mind me while I steal your cell phone," he teased, grabbing it from where Dan had thrown it earlier. "I'll wake you up for dinner."

"Go ahead if it means I get to sleep for a couple hours," Dan smiled as Phil grabbed his phone. It only assured Dan more that he didn't have any plans on leaving. He curled more into Phil and yawned. It was almost sickly perfect in a sense, the kind of perfect that made you scared it wouldn't last. Dan pushed those thoughts away and inhaled Phil's sent as he relaxed further. Finally, he felt himself slowly drifting to sleep as he kept his arms around Phil.

For a good hour or so, Phil fiddled with Dan's phone, playing stupid games that were probably too addicting and that Phil would probably end up downloading on his own phone, and then hate himself for. He let Dan sleep, though, without bothering him because he understood that he'd probably taken a lot out of Dan. All the while, he couldn't help berating himself a little bit. It felt...wrong, that he had done this with Dan, when he should have let Dan save it for someone truly special. It didn't matter that Dan had said he was glad Phil was his first, and it didn't matter that Dan had enjoyed it - Phil knew Dan could never love him, could never truly stay with him, and it had been selfish of him to take that when he already knew better.

His thoughts were interrupted by an incoming text alert. Phil honestly didn't intend to look, but the words scrolled down the top of his screen, just overhead of his game, and he couldn't help reading them. /We still on for date night, then? ;) you skipped the last two months, you're really not allowed to do it again/. The caller was someone named Chris, and Phil felt his heart dropping into his rib cage seconds after reading over the words.

No.

He wasn't meant to be reacting like this. Why was this...this feeling thrumming through him, why did his heart ache?

This is what he'd wanted, right? Ultimately, for Dan? He’d wanted Dan to find someone he could love, but he hadn't expected it to be this soon. Phil’s hands trembled as he shut off Dan's phone, not even bothering to close out of the app he’d been playing or finish the level.

His heart was in his throat.

Phil didn't understand this feeling in his chest, but he did know that he was far more devastated to hear about a potential boyfriend then he probably should be. Maybe, considering what they'd just done, it made a /bit/ more sense, but still. Still. It felt like a thousand tiny knives pressing into his heart, and it wasn’t meant too. Phil wasn’t meant to /care/.

The reality of the situation was, Phil didn't want this to end. For all the excuses he’d come up with to stay, he’d always known he would never leave of his own volition. Not without something to nudge him along and get him going; something like a text from a potential boyfriend who may or may not have been in Dan’s life for far longer than Phil had even realized.

\--

When Dan woke up, he felt like he’d been asleep for ages. It couldn’t have really been that long though. He tried to blink the sleep away before slowly stretching out. He didn’t honestly want to wake up, not when he was so comfortable and relaxed. He knew, though, that he needed to. Before even thinking about moving too far, Dan was reaching out and wrapping his arms around Phil and yawning. “What time is it?” he mumbled softly, his voice thick with sleep. A big part of Dan wanted to just close his eyes and let himself drift back off as he kept Phil close to him. A bigger part of him demanded that he get up, eat, and function again.

Dan woke up not too long after the horrifying text message, reaching out with a yawn to pull Phil back into him. Mutely, Phil went willingly, biting his lip to prevent himself from asking Dan who Chris was. The jealously spiked through him confusingly, and he bit his lip harder. "Just after seven," Phil replied shortly. Dan had had a late day at the office. "Are you ready to eat now?" he managed to force out, concerned that he was going to say something else if he wasn't careful. "I think there's some leftovers in the kitchen. Come on," he said.

“Yeah, I’m always hungry after I wake up,” Dan nodded after a moment. He forced himself to sit up with Phil and throw his legs over the side of the bed. “Ow,” he winced as he realized that over the span of an hour or so, he’d developed a bit of an ache. He frowned before hurrying off the bed. The last thing he wanted was to draw Phil’s attention to it. No, it didn’t sound like it would be very romantic for Phil to know that he was hurting after what they’d done. It wasn’t even that he was trying to be romantic. Still, he didn’t want to be off putting for Phil either. If he thought that sex hurt Dan too much, he might not want to do it again, and Dan definitely wanted to do it again.

Phil turned around the moment he heard a sound of pain issue from Dan's mouth, and frowned at him as he climbed out of bed with a wince, very obviously trying hard to pretend that nothing was wrong. Phil stood as well, slowly going to Dan's side and lightly grabbing hold of his arm to still him. "Dan," he murmured. "Are you okay?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer to that. "If you're sore, you should rest more or it's just going to get worse," he explained, frowning as Dan refused to look at him. "Hey. Hey, stop. I remember my first time -" unfortunately " - and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just...lay down for me, okay? I'll get you food," he insisted. Slowly, he guided Dan back to the bed, handing him his phone for good measure and trying to forget the text he'd read. Maybe it wasn't what he thought it was, and besides, Dan would tell him in his own time if there was something going on. Dan had always been kind and honest to Phil.

At first, Dan couldn't even look at Phil. Not only was he afraid that Phil wouldn't want to top anymore, it was just embarrassing. He knew he'd been stretched properly and everything, so he didn’t understand why there was any pain to begin with. "It doesn't hurt very bad," he mumbled, but Phil was insisting that he get back in bed. Dan complied even though he didn't want to. Again, Phil was taking care of him, making sure he had his phone and then heading off to get him a plate of food. Dan sighed softly as he shifted some. At the very least, this made him even more thankful that Phil had been his first. If it was up to Dan, he'd be his last as well.

It didn't take Phil too long to grab them both a plate, and then he was returning to feed them both. He handed Dan his plate with a small smile before placing his own down on the bed next to it, and then excused himself to get them drinks. When he returned, he handed them to Dan to place on the bedside table. Dan still looked a bit put out when Phil climbed back into bed, so he sighed and turned to him. "You know, Dan. It's uhm. Normal to be sore. Honestly, it is. Sometimes I still get sore. It's not you, or me, it's just a...physical reaction. I'm not upset that I have to help you out a bit. In fact, I desperately want to help you. I'm kind of the reason you're sore in the first place, even if it would have happened regardless of what I did...so calm down, okay?"

“I wish you didn’t have to though, it’s really not that bad,” Dan sighed softly as he took a sip of his drink. “I didn’t really think about what it would feel like afterwards. I was more concerned with how I’d feel during.” Dan hadn’t expected there to be a leftover ache. “I hope I don’t /ever/ hurt you,” he said softly. Just the idea of hurting Phil made his stomach sink and twist. “You’d tell me if you hurt afterwards, right?” Dan asked, wondering how many times Phil hurt after sex. “Even if I am hurting right now, you know I wouldn’t change anything, right? That was amazing, unlike anything I’ve ever done. I know I want to do it again soon. Maybe not right away exactly, but sometime soon.”

Phil smiled. Dan was so sweet when he was concerned for Phil. "No, you don't hurt me. You never hurt me, not unless I ask you too, but sometimes I'm sore. Again, it's not your fault, and I don't want you to think that, so don't," he reassured Dan. He didn't want Dan to feel bad about the pain Phil sometimes felt after sex because it wasn't a big deal. He often thought part of the reason it even happened was because of how often he had sex, but he definitely didn't want Dan to start questioning it. He was pleased to hear Dan wanted to let Phil top again though, and he grinned. "Oh, really? You liked it then?" he asked. He knew Dan had moaned and begged for him, but it was different actually hearing that Dan had enjoyed it enough to try again sometime.

“I liked it a lot,” Dan nodded, sending Phil a smile of his own. “I mean, I like it when I top as well. They’re both amazing. This was new though. I’ve never been on bottom before, and it was everything I wanted it to be,” he said softly before taking a bite of his food. He chewed quickly and swallowed. “Anything we do though is…everything we do feels mind blowing.” Dan hesitated some. He /loved/ everything they did together. However, Dan had been very careful avoiding that word.

Phil smirked, bumping into Dan gently. "Yeah?" he asked. "Maybe it has to do with all that time you spent fucking girls. You've never really told me about that," Phil mused, suddenly curious about that in the middle of his teasing. "How - I mean. Didn't you know something was wrong? Did you do it alot?" he asked carefully. "It's okay if you don't want to answer, I just. Can't imagine having sex with a girl. It's wrong, to me," he admitted. “I also can't imagine having sex if it sucked. Too much effort if there's no pay off," he added with a laugh to make the situation less serious.

Dan smiled back again before shaking his head. "It's alright, I don't mind you asking or anything," he replied. His smile fell a little as he thought back to the times he did have sex with girls. He shrugged some, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. He didn't know why he was nervous telling Phil this now. Maybe it was the fact that he was confessing to how many sexual partners he’d had to the person he really wanted to be with. "I think I understood that something was wrong. This probably sounds really conceited, but I never considered that there was something wrong with me. I just always assumed that something was wrong with the girl I was with. I kept telling myself that the reason I wasn't enjoying the sex was because I just wasn't attracted to the girl in some way, that there wasn't a real connection," Dan sighed before taking another drink. "I wanted to like it so much that I thought if I kept pushing myself to sleep with woman, eventually I would like it. I was going to just make myself enjoy it, I guess," he shrugged. "I didn't have a lot of sex though. Maybe six...seven times I think, since I was eighteen."

Phil was surprised. He hadn't expected to hear that Dan had truly not understood what the actual problem was. It wasn't even that he didn't want to be gay, he just...didn't know something was wrong with his choice of partner. He’d thought it was attraction based only. "So...how did you realize you were gay, then?" he wondered. He truly wanted to know. He didn't understand how Dan /couldn't/ have known. Phil had always known. He'd just...always looked at men the way his peers looked at women. He didn't even question the low ball number of times Dan had had sex to begin with. That part didn't surprise him. Dan had made it clear he didn't like sex with women.

Dan cleared his throat before answering Phil’s other question. “I think that after I realized I wasn’t enjoying sex with woman, or kissing them, or even touching them…I did a lot of analyzing. I would look at woman and ask myself why I didn’t find her attractive, and then I’d try to answer those question.” Dan knew his methods had been strange from the start. A gay man who didn’t know he was gay. It was sad in a way that he’d known so little about his own sexuality. “It went from, I wasn’t physically attracted, to I wasn’t emotionally attracted. I even thought I didn’t like a girl once because of where she’d gone to school. It wasn’t like they didn’t have good personalities, most of them did... I just felt nothing for them when they would claim to feel…so many things for me. I obsessed so much over what I didn’t like, I never took the time to look for what I did. Then one day, I stopped caring about woman and I was able to look at men instead. I realized that I wanted to kiss /them/ and touch /them/ and that sitting down and having dinner with them wouldn’t be something to dread. From there, I sort of understood how much more appealing they were for me. Just the actual /look/ of a man was better than the feeling of a woman touching me.”

Phil blinked in surprise, listening to Dan's story intently. He hadn't really expected that, but it made sense. He supposed he shouldn't be in the least surprised. He reached out to touch Dan's shoulder reassuringly. "You know it's okay, right? That it took you so long to understand yourself?" Dan had this look on his face like he was ashamed of himself, and Phil had gotten enough Dear P questions regarding the same situation to understand Dan's feelings. "Some people just don't know until they're much older. At least you didn't try and force something that wouldn't work. You've taken care of yourself. I'm sorry, though, that it was so hard. It probably didn't help that your parents probably never talked about people liking the same sex being a possibility, even if they didn't outright bash it in front of you."

Dan leaned into Phil’s touch, grateful for the affection. “It was always about finding the right girl,” he sighed softly. “My mother thought the reason it never worked out was because I just hadn’t found her yet, and that I would eventually. And I would know because she’d be…right. I guess,” he shook his head, not really understanding her reasoning anymore. “I did try and like them, then I tried to understand why I didn’t like them. Then I just gave up. I never liked any of them,” Dan mumbled, leaning even further into Phil. “I wish I would have known sooner. I’m glad I know now, though. I couldn’t imagine going my whole life trying to force myself into a relationship that was just never going to work.”

Phil nodded, because that wasn't a surprise to him. He could tell that Dan's mum was that kind of mother, and it didn't surprise him that that was part of why Dan had continued trying. It did break his heart though, the way it always broke his heart to hear other people's stories and how hard it had been for them to accept themselves. Dan clearly hadn't struggled to accept himself, but he'd struggled to understand himself because of a mother who desperately didn't want him to be gay. "One day, you'll find someone that will make sure that you never have to force yourself ever again," Phil murmured quietly. His mind flicked back to the text message Dan had gotten again, and he bit his lip on asking about it once again. Was Chris that guy? Phil couldn’t help wishing he was that guy, but he never could be. He could never be for Dan what Dan needed in a partner, and it was better to squash that fantasy right then and there.

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. He’d already found someone who was making sure of that. He’d found the person he wanted to be with. Instead of saying anything though, he only nodded in agreement. It was better that way. It wasn’t like he could say anything anyway. He moved to grab a slice of pizza off his plate and took a bite. When all else failed, food was a good distraction. “Thank you for understanding and for caring what happens to me,” Dan said quietly as soon as he’d taken a couple bites.

For a while, they just sat in silence, with Phil unsure what else to say. He felt like he'd made a mistake having this conversation with Dan, but at the same time, Dan's gratitude made him feel happy. He ate his own pizza slowly until they'd both finished their dinner. "Do you want a bath?" he asked Dan abruptly. "It'll help soothe the pain in your back," he explained, biting his lip. "I could draw you one if you'd like." The idea of taking care of Dan made Phil particularly happy, and he smiled, hoping Dan would say yes.

"You don't have to take care of me," Dan said. Still, he couldn't stop himself from returning the smile. He knew that if things were the other way around, he'd be jumping to do things for Phil. Dan knew though that he didn't honestly /need/ for Phil to start his bath or bring him pizza. That didn’t mean it wasn't nice though, or that the thought and desire didn’t mean the world. If Dan were in Phil’s situation, he’d want to do the exact same thing. The extra steps Phil took to make him happy and try and ease his pain was endearing. "I wouldn't really mind a bath. I could probably manage to get it myself though,” Dan replied a bit coyly.

Phil rolled his eyes. "I know you can do things yourself, Dan," he said, pushing him slightly. "That's not the point. I just feel.. Like it's my fault," he admitted, laughing. "Even though I know that's not strictly true. It's just...I'm the one who stretched your body out." He laughed. "Do you want a bath? Just let me take care of you for a second. You always take care of me," he insisted, already standing up to draw Dan a bath.

"I don't think 'fault' is really the word to use," Dan smirked as he sat further up. "We both know how much I liked it, and we both know that it's going to happen again." Dan wouldn't have it any other way. "If you're so insistent on taking care of me though, and making sure my bath gets drawn, than I guess I won't stop you," he said teasingly, slowly starting to get up from the bed again. "I do really want to get up though, maybe walk around for a second."

Phil laughed, turning a grin onto Dan. "Oh yeah, is that right? Gonna let me have you again, Dan?" he teased, desperately wanting just that. If he was honest, he just wanted to stay with Dan, and that would never be something he could have. He sighed as he thought of the text again, and the fact that he needed to leave, and soon, before he got any more attached to Dan. He turned with a frown as Dan insisted on getting up though, and waited to make sure he was okay. "Yes, I am insisting. Be careful please. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"You better watch me than and make sure I don't trip and fall," Dan teased again before slowly sliding off the bed. He wasn't worried about the fact that he wasn't wearing anything. He'd long gotten over worrying about Phil seeing him naked. There wasn't any point to it. Other than himself, Phil knew his body better than anyone. He carefully stretched some and set about getting used to the still sore feeling. Admittedly though, it wasn't as bad as it had been before.

Phil snorted. "I can play the overprotective boyfriend if you want, Dan. Should I come over there and walk you around?" he teased back, grinning when Dan shot him a look. "Didn't think so," he added, sticking out his tongue, but his heart was racing. Part of him wanted to go over there and do exactly that, make sure Dan was completely okay on his own. Phil hadn't exactly been gentle with Dan earlier, though he'd fully been intending to. He bit his lip, chewing on it as he debated if he should just go over to Dan or not, and then turned on his heel to finally draw that bath. As soon as that was done, Phil was going to Dan's side and leading him into the bathroom, ignoring his complaints.

“I just had sex, not my eightieth birthday, Phil,” Dan laughed, still somewhat trying to act put out with Phil’s helpfulness. It was sweet though, and Dan knew this made it that much more special. When he looked back on the memory of the first time he’d taken a cock up his ass, he’d recall how well taken care of he’d been right afterwards. There was something incredibly wonderful about Phil making sure he was alright. He held Phil’s hand to support himself for a moment, just long enough to step into the tub and sink down into it. It took just a few seconds for the hot water to start relaxing his muscles. He breathed out a sigh as he slid the rest of the way into the tub. “I can’t remember the last time I actually had a bath.”

Phil smiled happily as Dan settled down in the tub for him, looking entirely blissed out by the feeling of the hot water. "Bath's are heavenly. You really should treat yourself more, Dan," he teased. Then he leaned over to peck him on the lips quickly. "I'm gonna go clean up, okay? And then I'm going to put a movie on. If you aren't too tired, you could join me when you're done in here."

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a little bit,” Dan replied, smiled again as he watched Phil go. His heart ached when he remembered that this was all just platonic. He sighed softly before closing his eyes for a moment. Would Phil really never love him back? Baths might have been relaxing, but Dan found that he didn’t like the extra time he got to dwell on things. He didn’t want to think about the agreement they had, the one that had never really worked for him. Still, Dan had promised himself that this was enough for him. If this was the only way he could have Phil, he’d take it. It was better than not having him at all. Still, the words threatened to fall from his lips far more often now. It was hard not confessing to Phil how he felt these days, but especially after tonight, when they’d shared something that somehow felt even more important than almost everything else they’d done. Maybe it was just the intimacy of being taken, but Dan wanted to confess to Phil so badly, wanted to stake his claim and make Phil his boyfriend, but he couldn’t, and he knew he shouldn’t even think about it.

It didn't take too long for Phil to get a movie set up, but then he found himself dwelling on that text message Dan had gotten earlier. He wondered if Dan had even seen it, or if he hadn't and that's why he was acting so sweet still. Phil was expecting him to start drawing away any time now because he had a potential boyfriend and partner in mind. Their agreement couldn't last if Dan was in a relationship. The guy, Chris, had mentioned Dan skipping out the last two months though. Was there maybe a reason for that? Hope bloomed in Phil's chest, but he squashed it. This is what he wanted; for Dan to be happy and fall in love. He should be worried Dan was skipping out, rather than happy this might not be serious or not what Phil thought it was. He sighed. He didn't want to be thinking about this anymore.

It wasn’t long before Dan was climbing out and stepping onto the rug. He didn’t know if he was getting out because he was feeling better, or because thinking about things with Phil was too much, but he eventually decided that it was a combination of both. After grabbing a towel, he wrapped up and headed back to his room to get dressed. That’s when he noticed his phone sitting on the bed. It had been a while since he’d actually checked it. Dan hurried to check his messages, smiling when he noticed the one from Chris. It was true, he had been skipping out their monthly ‘date night’ since Phil had got here. It was something he, Chris, and PJ had set up as a way to make sure they all got to see each other at least once a month. That way nobody lost contact or they didn’t drift apart. Dan hadn’t actually seen Chris or PJ since his birthday. That seemed like ages ago now. He quickly replied, asking if it was the same time same place, adding an emoji heart to keep up the teasing. He did miss his friends. If it wasn’t for their…arrangement, Dan might have asked Phil to come along, expect that he wasn’t trying to convince PJ or Chris that he was gay and in a homosexual relationship. To do that would make Phil feel like he wanted the kind of relationship where he showed him off to his friends, and that would surely scare him away. Dan tossed his phone to the bed and made to get some pajamas on, deciding to put the whole thing out of his mind for now.

It took some time for Phil to get into the movie and actually understand the plot, as it wasn't anything he'd seen before - his goal was to work his way through all of Dan's movie collection, another reason he always came up with to stay. He wasn't even half way through, it was so extensive - but by the time he'd made it halfway through the movie, Dan was finally coming out to join him, and Phil smiled. He enjoyed the time they spent just hanging out together, especially because Dan really was just such a great friend to him, and it made enjoying the movie easier and better. "Feel better?" he asked.

“Much, thank you,” Dan said before flopping down on the sofa next to Phil, already sprawling out as much as he could. “I like this movie,” he smiled. “I guess I bought them so I like them all, but it’s still a good movie,” Dan said, laughing as he got even more comfortable on the sofa. This really was one of Dan’s favorite movies though, but it hardly mattered. Just being with Phil felt good, even if it was just them watching a movie and not doing much else. It was comfortable.

Phil wasn't sure if he believed Dan when he said he was feeling better, but then he sprawled out on the couch without so much as a wince, and Phil relaxed. Dan was sitting with his feet in Phil's lap comfortably, and Phil sighed happily. "Good," he eventually responded, but he hardly knew what he was responding to anymore. Mostly, he was just beginning to feel a bit tired. Today, for the most part, had been good. Phil pressed the palm of his hand to Dan’s calf, just holding it lightly and trying not to look at Dan’s face to see if he’d had any response, and rested his head on the back of the sofa. He could close his eyes for just one second, couldn’t he? That wouldn’t be too bad. So he did, and the next thing he knew, he was asleep.

When Dan finally noticed Phil falling asleep next to him, he smiled and shifted some, moving so that he could pull Phil's legs onto the sofa as well, making sure that he was comfortable. Dan made room for Phil, with him at one end and Phil at the other. It wasn’t long before he too started to drift to sleep. He curled up and pressed his feet against Phil as he relaxed even further. It would have been too hard to try and fight sleep anymore. Even with his nap, Dan was still tired and too overly comfortable to stay awake any longer.

Phil woke the same way as he always did; with a hard on and a desperate need to come. He didn't expect to look around and find himself on the couch with Dan at the other end, but it hardly seemed to matter when it only made Phil's end goal easier. Dan was simple to wake up. It only took a few well aimed kisses, and then he was moaning against Phil. Phil probably shouldn't love that sound as much as he did, but he quickly found himself joining Dan as Dan forcefully turned Phil around until they could both get each other off, mouths too full to say much. After, Phil sucked down Dan's cum, humming as his body ached happily. "Mm, thank you," he murmured against Dan's thigh, pressing a few scattered kisses on the skin there.

After righting their position, Dan pressed a kiss to Phil's lips before getting up to get ready. His mind was too busy to really think about the fact that Phil had been pressing sweet kisses to his thighs, and he rubbed at his eyes blearily as he moved to the restroom to wake up properly. After checking his phone, Dan remembered that he was meant to go out tonight, and he knew the day would go by fast, but he was slightly disappointed he wouldn't get to spend all night with Phil as he’d grown accustomed too. His phone said that he’d be meeting Chris and PJ at their usual pub instead. As soon as Dan was dressed and had fixed his hair, he grabbed his things and said a quick goodbye to Phil, who was still sprawled out lazily on Dan’s sofa. The sight made him smile, and Dan planned on dropping by the house before he went out. He wanted to make sure Phil was taken care of for the night. "Have a good day, I'll see you in a couple hours," he smiled as he shut the door behind him.

Dan left in a surprising hurry, although he did make sure to kiss Phil on the lips before he went. Spent, and a little put out, Phil waved Dan off from his position on the couch. He already missed the man, and having him gone all day was going to make it difficult for Phil to keep from thinking about Cbris and the fact that Phil should leave before things were too late. He sighed as he finally pushed himself off of the couch, and went to take a shower.

Work was exactly like Dan had expected it to be; not drawn out, yet not really fast paced either. He exchanged a couple of text messages with Chris, mainly promising that he wasn't going to cancel last minute like he'd done for the last couple of months. He hadn't really meant to blow his friends off. He'd just found himself so caught up with Phil and their time together that he'd sort of neglected his other two friends. He'd make up for it tonight though. Later, he got a phone call from his mother reminding him of their dinner next week, and Dan sighed as he began to feel the pressure to socialize with people. At least he wouldn't have to deal with a banquet for a couple months still. Finally, five o'clock came and Dan was gathering up his things again. This time, he was dragging home a handful of cases that he needed to work on. Chris wanted them to meet up around six-thirty, so that meant Dan would have just enough time to get home, see Phil, maybe change out of his blazer, and head over to the bar.

The day went by slowly. Mostly, Phil spent his time debating over what he should do about Dan. If Chris was his new...partner, date, boyfriend, whatever, shouldn’t Phil being leaving by now? Maybe Chris wasn’t /the one,/ but that hardly mattered and hardly seemed fair. Dan and he had a friends with benefits arrangement where they agreed to be sexually exclusive. If there was someone new in the picture, it only seemed fair that Phil was warned and given time to find a new place and a new partner to keep up his sex addiction. But Dan hadn’t done that. Dan hadn’t said a word about any potential boyfriends or the possibility of Phil needing to leave soon. Phil didn’t understand why, let alone why Dan was still having sex with him. And according the to the text message, Dan had been continuously blowing off this guy for two months...two months. About the length of time that Phil had been living with Dan. Phil bit his lip. Had Dan been dating someone while still seeing Phil at the agency? That didn’t make sense. Dan was far too loyal and kind for that. And why would he have agreed to this arrangement if he had had a potential partner out there wanting to be with him? Even if they were just getting to know each other or casually dating. It didn’t make sense. Surely, Phil was wrong. And yet, at the same time, Phil was terrified to get his hopes up. Trying to unravel the mysteries of what was going on with Dan was hurting him. He didn’t want to think about Chris being a potential love interest, or why Dan might have been ignoring him for the last two months. Phil wanted too badly to keep Dan all too himself, and maybe that in itself was a sign that Phil needed to leave, and soon, because even if it was possible Chris had been a casual thing that Dan had let go of when Phil moved in, that was still a red flag. Phil couldn’t love Dan. It wasn’t fair of Phil to want to keep Dan. Phil shouldn’t let Dan keep himself from a potential boyfriend, a potential partner who /could/ love him. However, as the day wore on, Phil still couldn’t bring himself to stop dwelling on Chris. If Chris /was/ a boyfriend, why was Dan still having sex with Phil? Would he go on that date, and soon? And if he did, would he be warning Phil before hand, maybe even breaking up with him, or would he ruin that careful image that Phil had created of Dan in his mind by, maybe, possibly, cheating on both Phil (technically) and Chris? Phil didn’t know, but all he could hope was that things would be okay, that he was wrong about everything, and that Dan would come home and nothing would change. Phil spent the rest of the day purely working on the next weeks zine. He was getting nearly double the questions now, and it made it easier to come up with ideas to fill the pages. He was loving it more and more, and found himself glad he'd gotten the chance to devote more time to it.

Dan already had his tie loosened by the time the elevator chimed. He didn’t care if it wasn’t exactly becoming or whatever his mum would say, he wanted to get undressed and be ready for Phil. Their arrangement had quickly become something that Dan needed almost as much as Phil, and he felt like Pavlov's dog the way he was already nearly hard just at knowing he’d be having sex with Phil in a moment. He made the short walk to his door before pushing it open, smiling already. He loved coming home to Phil, whether they were about to have sex or not. “Home,” he called out, still smiling as he slipped off his shoes in the process. He was doing everything he could to be functional. He’d grab another pair of shoes and put them on before going out tonight. He tossed his tie off and draped his jacket over the sofa, glancing around for a Phil who was surprisingly not already in the lounge waiting to pounce on Dan.

Phil was so distracted by his zine that he didn't even realize how late it was. For the first time in a while, he wasn't already waiting in the lounge for Dan when he got home. Instead, he heard Dan shout that he was home, and dropped his pen, realizing just how needy he actually was. There was a sharp pressure on his cock that told him he’d been hard for a good long while now. The thought took him by surprise. Phil had never before been able to ignore that sensation completely before, and it made him realize that just knowing Dan would be coming home to take care of Phil /eventually,/ had become enough for Phil to be able to ignore his own need. He smiled to himself, and then shook his head, feeling his stomach swoop in a way it shouldn’t, before standing up. Now that Dan was here, that buzzing under his skin had become much more insistent. He couldn't wait much longer. As he was leaving his room to join Dan, he began to strip. It didn't take him long to get undressed and in Dan's arms, where he sunk into him with a kiss.

Dan had only just managed to get his shirt halfway unbuttoned before Phil was in his arms, right where he belonged. "Did you get busy?" he asked, pulling away just long enough to ask about Phil's day, still grinning. He leaned in for one last kiss, and then he was moving his mouth to Phil’s neck, trailing kisses down his collarbones and too any inch of skin that he could reach. He hadn’t been lying when he said he felt like Pavlov’s dog, and it had grown to a point where Dan’s immediate actions were only partially to relive Phil. There was part of him that needed that release as well, egging on his movements until he was touching all of Phil, sliding his hands along his body slowly but intently. Dan was getting far too used to having sex when he got straight home, and he wasn't sure he knew how to function in the morning without having Phil waking him up with soft thought out touches, either.

Phil nodded with a low sound of pleasure as Dan's lips slowly moved down his throat and over his collarbones. "Yeah. Was answering questions," he replied, loving the way Dan's hands scoured his body knowingly. He sighed softly as Dan's lips moved lower and lower while his hands massaged at both his exposed ass and his cock. "God, I love this," he admitted, and he didn't even flinch on the l-word. "Feel so good against me, Dan," he whispered against him while his own hands slowly worked Dan's clothes off of him. His unbuttoned shirt slid over his shoulders as Dan knowingly began teasing at Phil's rim. Phil had been desperate to run dry lately, and Dan had been hesitant at first, but he'd soon gotten used to Phil begging for it. He was always extra careful, and it made getting to the actual sex part take longer, but the burn was always worth it to Phil.

"Well, I've come home to distract you," Dan teased as he kicked off the rest of his clothes. He quickly spun Phil around and pinned him down to the sofa. "Hope you don't mind." Dan was nipping and lapping at Phil's skin, pressing his lips to any surface space he could find. He moved further down his body until Dan was leaving much more meaningful and soft kisses at Phil's knees. Then his thighs. "Going to make you feel good. You've been waiting so long, haven't you?" Dan cooed, his hands already starting to palm and tease Phil's hard cock.

Phil's eyes rolled into the back of his head as Dan practically picked him up to place him on the sofa, climbing over him to better pepper kisses all over his body. He loved when Dan took charge like that, loved when he was right and possessive and strong. Dominant. Everything Phil loved. His lips lingered at Phil's thighs and knees as he stroked at Phil's cock, playing with it and teasing him at the same time. He moaned, feeling especially cared for as Dan spoke hot words to him. “Been waiting so long. Always waiting for you, but you always make it worth my while," Phil moaned back, spreading his legs for Dan to better climb between and help him.

There was nothing better than Phil spreading his legs for him. Dan let himself admire the sight for a while, loving how he was the only who got to have the other like that. Eventually, Dan took Phil’s cock in his hand and slowly started to lick at the tip while his other hand played with his balls. He lapped and sucked at just the head until he was going down further, taking just a little more and moaning at the sensation. Dan used his other hand now to work a finger inside of Phil, giving him a taste of what was to come.

Phil groaned when Dan's hot tongue came out to play with the tip of his cock, his fingers moving down to play with his balls. Dan had learned so well how to take care of him, and it was driving Phil crazy. He moaned outright when Dan's lips came all the way around his cock, sucking him down slowly while the other hand moved from his balls to play at his rim, pressing in lightly and then all the way. The feeling was so much more intense without the lube, but everything that he needed lately. Without the clients at the agency to treat him rough from time to time, Phil often pushed Dan to do that for him instead. "Faster, Dan, please. Ruin me," he begged panting as Dan sunk lower, moving his finger in and out of Phil slowly.

Dan groaned as Phil told him just what he wanted Dan to do. He pumped his finger in and out a couple more times before adding a second. He sucked around Phil, his tongue dragging up and down the shaft as Dan hummed in satisfaction. Dan forced his throat to relax as he took Phil as far as he could. His nose was at the base of Phil's cock while the head was touching the back of his throat. He used that small distraction to add a third finger to Phil’s entrance. He crooked his finger and quickly found that spot inside of Phil.

Phil cried out as Dan took him all the way, throat fluttering around the head of Phil's cock as his fingers crooked just right, pressing into Phil's prostate and causing his hips to buck and his hands to reach for Dan's hair. "Sorry!" he gasped. He would never get used to the sensation of Dan deep throating him /and/ massaging his fingers against his spot. "God, Dan. Fuck, I'm ready, please. Please, I don't want to come yet," he begged, fingers tight in Dan's hair as he tried to keep himself from bucking up again or letting loose completely.

Without answering, Dan pulled off and slid his fingers out of Phil. “You’re sure you don’t need lube?” Dan asked softly as he ran his hands up and down Phil’s inner thighs. He kept his actions slow in case Phil changed his mind. Slow or not though, he already had the other’s legs further parted, and he was grasping Phil’s hips and pulling him in closer. “So beautiful, Phil.” Dan leaned in to press his lips to Phil’s while lining himself up to the other’s entrance. “Want you so bad, can’t wait to fuck you baby.”

Phil whined in disappointment as Dan pulled off of him, sliding his fingers out and running the flats of his palms up Phil's inner thighs, but he knew he was about to get better. "Yes, please, need it rough and hard," he begged, shifting his hips some even as Dan moved to get between his legs and line himself up. Phil kissed Dan back quickly, throwing his head back as he felt Dan's tip teasing at his entrance. He moaned, pushing down, but Dan's hands on his hips prevented him from getting anywhere. "Then fuck me!" he growled, and then gasped loudly as Dan very suddenly gave him what he wanted.

There was no need for Phil to ask twice. Without any kind of warm up, Dan was pounding roughly into Phil at a fast, breathtaking pace. He groaned as he gripped harder at Phil's hips. "So tight Phil, fuck," Dan panted as he continued to thrust into him. Dan was pulling almost all the way out before he was snapping his hips back in, his balls slapping against Phil's ass and making the most delicious kind of sound.

Phil was crying out, his whole body bouncing against the sofa as Dan took him, rougher and quicker than he'd ever been, but exactly what Phil needed at the exact moment. He moaned, throwing his head back and arching his body as Dan took him deep, thrusting so far into him Phil felt absolutely consumed and absolutely taken with Dan. He never wanted this to end; the sex or his relationship with Dan. He nearly cried at the thought, overwhelmed as he was by pleasure.

Dan angled his hips so that he was slamming into Phil's prostate with every thrust. He wouldn't have settled for anything less than that. The sounds Phil made sent electricity through his whole body. Dan knew that Phil would probably have a couple fingerprint shaped bruises by the end of it. That only made it even better for him. "Won't last long," he groaned as he reached for Phil's cock. He wanted Phil to see stars.

Phil tossed his head a few times, his whole body straining as Dan worked him, his hand coming down to take hold of his cock as well. Phil choked on a moan, already starting to see white as Dan went at it. "Please," he moaned, straining as Dan warned him he wasn't going to last long. "Please. Please, please, please." Phil thought he would die if this ended. His eyes were watering, and he was gasping aggressively, chest heaving with each breath he took. He strained upwards, grabbing Dan's hair in fistfuls, and dragging him down for an open mouthed kiss that wasn't working very well, but he couldn't stop.

It was a bit of a struggle to kiss Phil right then. Dan was attempting to keep his hand moving in time with his frantic thrusts now while pressing his tongue into Phil's mouth at the same time. It was a challenge, but he somehow managed to make it work. Sort of. He moaned into the other's mouth as he continued to ram himself into Phil at a relentless pace. "Come with me, baby, want to feel you clench around me while I cum inside that tight little hole," Dan mumbled after pulling away. "Fuck, Phil, you make it too good."

Phil gasped against Dan's lips as he spoke, knowing just what to say to push Phil further. He bucked his hips once, twice, three times, and then he came, clenching spastically around Dan's cock as he opened his mouth to shout his name. Nothing came out, and Phil closed his eyes, his vision starting to swim. His body felt pleasantly full and buzzed warmly, an ache deep inside of himself finally sated. Dan had been gloriously rough, leaving Phil completely wiped as he collapsed, taking everything Dan had to give him as he came inside, filling Phil up. Phil glowed with the knowledge that he had Dan inside of him.

There was that amazing moment of pure bliss that he always got with Phil. Phil looked even better than he felt though, fucked out and flushed with his hair everywhere. Dan's chest heaved against Phil's, having not been able to hold himself up after that. "Perfect," Dan whispered softly. After a long couple of minutes, he finally slowly and reluctantly pulled out. He'd need to go soon. For the moment though, he just wanted to catch his breath and share his time with Phil.

Phil didn't even notice that Dan had pulled out of him, that's how dazed he felt. He felt like he was on cloud nine, completely content, and when he did finally open his eyes, he didn't even have the need to complain that Dan had pulled out and taken some of his cum with him. His body buzzed too pleasantly to complain. "Mmm," he moaned softly, rolling his head so he could smile dazedly at Dan. Before he could stop himself, he was making grabby hands at Dan and asking him to come back to him.

The way Phil looked, Dan instantly knew that he didn't care if he was a few minutes late or not. He smiled softly back at Phil before relaxing back against him and wrapping his arms around him. This moment was perfect in every single way, and for a brief moment, Dan considered canceling on his friends all together. He knew he couldn't though. He nuzzled against Phil before sighing softly.

Dan came into his arms willingly enough, and all seemed great for the first few moments. Then Dan sighed, the sound familiar and soft, but also...not. Dan sounded content, but he also sounded regretful. "What's wrong?" Phil asked, feeling himself grow anxious. Was something wrong? His thoughts spun back to Chris, and despite having convinced himself that Dan wouldn't date someone while also having a kind-of relationship with Phil, he grew panicked. What if this was the moment Dan was going to make it official? What if this had been the last time Phil would get to feel himself filled up with Dan? What if this was the end? "Dan?"

“I’ve got this thing with some friends tonight. I should probably get dressed and head over.” Dan gave Phil an apologetic look before forcing himself to sit back up. “I can’t imagine I’ll be gone too long. I say that now though,” Dan laughed lightly. He already knew Chris and PJ well enough. They’d at least have him out the better part of the night. “I’m going to try and hurry back, though. I can’t really get out of it. We’re just going to have a couple drinks is all, I don’t expect it to be too exciting.”

Phil felt his heart sink. It didn't /sound/ like Dan was going on a date, and it didn't /sound/ like he was excited about going out with friends, but at the same time, he was leaving Phil, and just after he'd gotten a text complaining about Dan canceling date night. Since Phil had moved in, he and Dan had yet to spend an evening apart, and Phil wasn't looking forward to doing so tonight. "Okay..." he said, surprised. "Are you late? You didn't have to come home if..." Phil wanted to end that sentence by saying 'if that meant not getting home sooner' but he held his tongue, knowing what it sounded like as is.

"It doesn't matter." Dan smiled before leaning in to give Phil another quick kiss. "I don't want you to feel like you have to stay up and wait for me." Dan hummed softly as he sat up fully now. He missed the sensation of skin against skin already, but he didn't want to make his friends wait. He had just enough time to throw some clothes on and get there before they started blowing up his phone. "Are you going to be all right here on your own tonight? I mean it's not all night, but still." Dan knew they hadn't been apart in the evenings since Phil had first moved in. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Phil's heart sunk. Dan didn't think he was going to be out all night, but he knew he would be out late /enough./ Had he come home just to satiate his own needs, then? Or had it really been so Phil wouldn't be needy for him by the time he /did/ come home? Was it because he hadn't wanted to make Phil suffer, or was he planning on bringing someone home, and needed Phil /not/ to be waiting for him? Phil gulped, nodding his head slowly as Dan got up as if nothing was wrong, as if he weren't leaving Phil's side for the night. "Okay," he agreed slowly. "I'll uhm. Just. See you in the morning then?" But he wasn't entirely sure he /would/ be seeing Dan in the morning. What if he /was/ bringing Chris home? What if he really /didn't/ want Phil staying up because he didn't want his dirty little secret showing up and ruining his date? The thoughts formed chaotic in Phil's mind as he watched Dan leave for his bedroom to get dressed, his heart feeling like it was breaking. He'd only ever felt this sensation one other time in his life, and to feel it now terrified him. /NO. You can't be in love with Dan. Stop it, stop it right now! You don't even know if he's going on a date,/ Phil berated himself, shaking his head as he sat up. Still. He couldn't stop the way he was feeling, and he couldn't make the pain go away. Dan, sweet Dan, might be turning out not to be so sweet after all. Was Phil his dirty secret? Was Phil just a bit on the side? Would Dan really, honestly, date someone while still having sex with Phil? At this point, Phil didn't know.

Dan shifted through his closet looking for something to wear. It wasn’t as if he needed to dress up for this. He hardly expected either Chris or PJ to look particularly formal anyway. Casual was fine. That didn’t mean Dan didn’t want to look somewhat nice though. He never knew who he was going to end up seeing. He went with his typical black jeans and threw on a long sleeved shirt. He debated for a couple seconds before throwing his jacket on with it. After fixing his hair some and making sure he didn’t look like he’d just had amazing heated sex, he shoved his things in his pocket and said a quick goodbye to Phil.

Dan opted on walking to the bar instead of driving. He never knew how much he was going to end up drinking. That, and the thought of having to leave his car anyway for the night was terrifying enough. He pulled his jacket further around himself, glad now he’d decided to wear it.

Already, he was going over just how long he planned to stay. He didn’t want to be out too late. Phil didn’t exactly seemed thrilled by the idea of him being gone so long. It was a good thought really, knowing that somebody cared about what time he got home, that somebody cared if he got home at all.

By the time Dan made it to the busy pub, his face was flushed with the cold, but the heat was quickly sinking back into him.

“Dan, you made it! I thought you were going to blow us off again!” PJ yelled as he pulled Dan into a quick hug. Dan had been caught off guard, but he found himself quickly returning the embrace and laughing.

“Where is Chris?” Dan asked as they finally parted.

“He’s over there getting us drinks. Come on, I saved us seats at the bar.”

\--

All of Phil's concerns seemed solidified as Dan left his room looking dressed to the nine's. He looked nearly as nice as he always used to when he paid for Phil to visit. Did that mean he used to have a crush on Phil? And if that was right, then what did that say now? Phil had given Dan everything that was him, everything but his heart. He'd always known, deep down, that Dan could never love someone as damaged as him, especially with how many times Phil had told Dan he would never be able to return those feelings, but...as many times as he'd thought Dan might actually /like like/ him, he'd never though moving in with him and giving him everything would be...taken advantage of.

Suddenly, it felt like Phil had lost every chance of keeping Dan to himself by doing that. He'd just - needed someone he could trust, if he ever wanted to quit the agency, and yet that had backfired on him. Dan was just like everyone else. Once they had had Phil's body, they didn't want anything else.

As Dan left their flat, the door closing behind him, Phil sunk back down onto the sofa and cried. He hadn't realized how hopeful he'd become when Dan had asked him if things could change for him if he let another person fall in love with him, all the while knowing that Phil would never love them back. He'd never realized how much he'd hoped that Dan had asked because /he/ loved Phil, despite Phil telling him he could never love him back. It felt like Phil's whole world had crashed down around him. His heart thudded hard in his chest as tears dripped down his cheeks.

He knew if Dan came back just then, he'd never be able to explain himself. He was just - devastated.

Dan was going to leave him. Maybe not for Chris, and maybe not for a few years to come, but Dan was going to. Maybe Dan had loved him once, maybe he never had, but either way, he was moving on from the days of spending all of his time with Phil. Phil would be nothing more than a best friend soon, and he didn't think he could take that.

Did he love Dan? He didn't know. But he'd already come to terms with the fact that it might actually be possible, that it might actually happen, but he'd also always known that Dan would never feel the same. If he ever had, Phil had blown it. Dan had moved on, if he'd ever had feelings for Phil to begin with, and part of him believed wholeheartedly that it had been his own fault.

Saint Dan wasn't a saint.

Saint Dan had used Phil just like everyone else, and it was time to move on. So why was it so hard to make himself get up and pack his things? He should leave before Dan got home.

Phil couldn't stop crying.

\--

It had only been a couple of hours and Dan was already down three beers and four shots. Or was it five shots? He couldn’t remember exactly. The number seemed to be growing though as he laughed and joked with his friends The alcohol wasn’t to blame for his happiness, but it was certainly increasing it.

The place was alive with music and laughter all around. The atmosphere was positively buzzing. Of course, Dan had to admit that his vision was starting to go a bit blurry, and everything seemed funnier than it had earlier in the evening.

He stared down at his drink, and his smiled faltered some.

Dan wished Phil was here. He wished he could show him off to his friends, rub it in their face how lucky he’d gotten. His heart ached as he realized that he wasn’t exactly /lucky/. Phil wasn’t his to show off or brag on about. They weren’t together as much as Dan wanted to be.

Hell, if he was being honest though, it felt like they were together half the time.

Every day was a struggle not to drop those three words Phil feared so much. Sometimes though, Dan swears that Phil feels the same. That he wouldn’t up and leave if Dan did tell him how he felt. Maybe there was hope after all? He pushed the thought away. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. Especially not drunk when his emotions were heightened and illogical anyway.

“Having fun yet?” PJ laughed as he nudged Dan in the side. “I can’t remember when I’ve seen you so…happy. Not that you aren’t happy…I’m just saying that you aren’t usually so outward about it,” PJ said with a shrug. “So, what’s got you in such a good mood? I can’t remember the last time you’ve drank us under the table.”

 

Dan smiled brightly again before returning that shrug. He wouldn’t bring Phil up tonight, even if it was practically killing him not to. “I don’t know, I just feel good tonight,” Dan chimed in, his voice slurring some. “Let’s get another round. Only if you think you can hold your liquor,” Dan teased as he raised his hand, motioning for the bartender.

Chris threw an arm around Dan before exchanging a look with PJ. The bartender brought over another order, adding to their tab before heading back off to the next customer. Dan had no idea how he was even going to get home.

\--

The night wore on, but Phil hardly saw the time go by. He was too busy wallowing in self pity, going back and forth between hating Dan Howell, and adoring him. Half of him didn't want to believe that Dan was on a date, or that he'd used Phil, or that he would continue their agreement while dating someone else, while the other half of him kept telling himself that he should have seen it coming.

How had he not seen it coming? The signs were so obvious. Why would Dan have ever brought him home? - because he was a caring man who always seemed honestly distressed about his clients, at least the non-guilty ones - but on the other hand, Phil had always given him sex. Sex that Dan had never had with anyone else before. Surely, surely, Dan only offered him a place to stay because he knew what he could make Phil give him in exchange?

It had been Phil's idea, though. Phil's offer.

His mind was in a turmoil, and the more the thought on the subject, the more confused he got. He didn't know what to believe. He didn't really know Dan, not really. He'd trusted him on a whim. For all he knew, Dan had been lying to him for months, pretending with him, giving Phil anything he asked for so he could use Phil.

It didn't seem like Dan though. Phil thought he knew Dan now for sure. Maybe Dan didn't love him, or like him even, but he cared for Phil. He'd always been so sweet, even as a client, and obviously attentive and caring and kind. How could that have changed?

Part of Phil was certain, so certain, that Dan wasn't the horrible person his mind was trying to paint in the face of a betrayal that probably wasn't even real. Phil wanted to hit himself. He wanted to hit Dan. He wanted to know the truth. And he wanted to run away at the same time.

Eventually, Phil couldn't take being in the lounge anymore. No matter the truth about Dan, he knew he needed to get away. He needed to leave. His feelings had been compromised, and Dan would never love him. If he stayed any longer, he would get his heart broken all over again. The first time had been hard enough. Phil didn't think he could take it again, hadn't ever thought he'd actually be in this position, and yet here he was, on the verge of having his heart destroyed all over again. Maybe, if he'd known he could love again, he would have been more careful with who he gave his heart too.

He found his way to his bedroom and tried to stop his mind long enough to sleep.

A sound interrupted his dreams. Phil felt like he'd only just gotten to sleep when he heard it; the sound of someone stumbling through the front door. Dan was home, and Phil's heartbeat raced as he checked the time.

Two am. Late, then. Later than Dan had said. Phil sat up. Dan sounded like he was stumbling, like he was drunk, and for a moment, Phil considered going to his side to help him. Before he could, however, he heard another sound - giggling, and it wasn't just one voice. It was two.

Phil's heart lodged in his throat, and that's when he felt it. Overwhelming jealousy, followed by betrayal. Heartbreak. Phil held his breath as tears began dripping down his face again, moving a trembling hand to his lips to bite down when a whimper threatened to break through. The walls were thin between the bedrooms. Dan would hear him, would know he was awake. He couldn't let Dan know how upset he was to hear Dan had come home with a date.

Phil was forced to accept that, now. He could hear two distinct voices, recognizing one as Dan, and the other as...male.

Phil heard Dan's bedroom door crash open, and bit back a sob.

"Let me - help you with that - your clothes - need to get them off-"

There was no mistaking what was happening next door. It didn't matter if Dan was drunk or not. He'd brought home his date, and Phil was definitely in love.

Now, though. Now, he was destroyed.

\--

In the end it had been Dan who couldn’t keep his alcohol down. He hadn’t been that drunk since boarding school. And maybe the last semester of law school. To be fair, he’d at least held the contents of his stomach down until they’d gotten out of the cab.

It wasn’t becoming to throw up in bushes, but at that point, Dan was just grateful that it wasn’t in the back seat of a taxi. At least his stomach felt a little better. Now came the next big challenge. Getting up to the very last floor and then to his place, and finally somehow managing to get into bed.

“Dude, you smell like vomit, that’s disgusting,” PJ frowned as he watched Dan wipe the back of his mouth. “Somebody has to wait with the cab. Chris you should take him up,” PJ said, knowing just how to avoid the type of responsibility.

Dan groaned as everything started to spin again and he struggled just to keep himself upright. If it wasn’t for the wall he was leaning against, he had no doubt he’d be on the ground. While Dan knew Chris wasn’t exactly thrilled with being the one who had to put him to bed, the man did so without complaining.

Chris giggled as Dan stumbled across the living room floor. He kept his arm firmly around Dan’s side in order to keep him propped up. So Chris wasn’t exactly sober either. One drunk friend trying to take care of their even drunker friend was never a good idea.

Chris stifled another laugh as Dan pushed through his bedroom door.

After explaining that Dan needed to get his clothes off, mainly because of the throw up he’d gotten on them, Chris attempted to help Dan sit down on the bed.

“Gotta yank these off,” he mumbled before pulling at Dan’s shoes. “Can you at least…Dan come on, you have to help me out with this,” Chris slurred as he got shoe off.

“Ssh, keep your voice down,” Dan hushed, his own voice thick was alcohol and just as slurred. Chris gave him a strange look. “I don’t…I don’t want you to wake the neighbors or anything,” he mumbled. Even in his drunken state, he wasn’t about to explain the situation with Phil.

Now seemed like the perfect time to sneak into bed with him, though. He almost wished Chris hadn’t been nice enough to walk him up. Then maybe Phil would pity him enough to let him sleep there.

Of course nobody really wanted to sleep with someone who smelled like vodka and puke, though.

Eventually the two of them managed to get Dan stripped down to his underwear. Chris all but tucked him in. “You’re so good to me, Chris. Don’t know what I’d do without you,” Dan sighed as his eyes started to get heavy. He pulled the blanket around him and rolled over, already giving up his fight against sleep. "Don't be mad at me in the morning," he mumbled one last thing before falling asleep.

\--

Phil could hear almost everything. The words were broken up and disjointed, but he could hear Dan shushing his date, telling him he didn't want to wake the neighbors. The fact that he didn't warn his date about his roommate hurt the most - so Phil really was Dan's dirty little secret. No one could know he lived there, let alone that Dan fucked him twice daily if not more.

Phil could also hear Dan's date struggling to get Dan out of his clothes, and then he heard something that truly hurt him - Dan telling someone else they were so good to him. Dan telling someone other than Phil - Dan giving his affections to none other than the man named Chris.

Phil could feel vomit in his throat, and he grabbed quickly for his phone and a pair of headphones as he desperately sought to block out the sounds he was sure would come soon of Dan having sex with someone that wasn't him.

The betrayal hurt the most - Phil had never thought he would care that he had to share someone, but this was Dan, whom he'd promised he would be exclusive with. This was Dan, who'd made Phil think he meant to be exclusive as well, on a date with someone else, and about to fuck them. Drunk though he might be, it was clear he'd been "seeing" this Chris for a while now. Phil didn't know for how long, but long enough he’d called Dan out for skipping out on date night. It broke Phil's heart in a way he'd promised himself he would never let his heart get broken again.

Phil muffled his sobs in his pillow as he urged himself to sleep.

Tomorrow, when Dan was at work, Phil would leave. Martin would take him in. He had no idea what he was going to do about his sex addiction, but one thing was for certain; he wouldn't be seeking out Dan come morning. Not when he knew Dan had brought someone home.

Why, when he was finally able to love again, had he fallen for Dan Howell?

Because he'd thought he was a good man. Now, Phil knew the truth. Dan was a cheating asshole who'd never cared for him in the first place.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
> This Part: 23,717 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil. Also huge thanks to @phansdick aka Rachel for being the best person and beta’ing for us!
> 
>  **Warnings** : struggling with addiction, misunderstandings, slut-shaming, bare-backing, rough sex, blowjobs, handjobs, fingering, unintentional self-harm (SPOILER: phil bites his lip so hard he bleeds and piercs his own arm with his teeth unintentionally), slight mention of blood, marking, multiple orgasm, overstimulation, insecurity

The only thing drinking was good for was feeling sick in the morning, which was exactly how Dan felt when he woke up. His hangover and the horrible taste in his mouth were the first things he noticed. The next thing he noticed was that he was waking up on his own and without Phil there, for the first time since Phil had moved in. He opened his eyes despite his headache, and blinked in confusion. That was strange to say the least. Dan couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up without Phil there kissing his neck or his lips. He ran a hand down his face and slowly sat up in bed. It was probably a good thing that Phil was still asleep. Dan was sure he was almost too sick to do anything anyway. He swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of the taste and dryness of his mouth as he carefully climbed out of bed. It didn’t take long for him to decide it was going to be an early day at work. Way early. He was going to have to leave before noon. There was no way he’d make through any more than a couple hours let alone an entire day. He was careful with getting dressed, determined not to jar his stomach any more than it already had been. Dan couldn’t be bothered to do much more than throw on his clothes, sort his hair out, and then brush his teeth. The whole time he was wondering if Phil would eventually come out to say good morning or that he /needed him/. When it didn’t happen Dan sighed softly to himself. Maybe Phil had stayed up late waiting for him? Dan didn’t know, but he felt a sense of guilt. He had been out late. Before leaving, he jotted down a note for Phil and left it in the kitchen.

/Sorry I was so late last night, hope I didn’t wake you coming in.

you’re sleeping in and I don’t want to wake you up.

I’ll see you before noon today. Have a good morning. /

\--

Phil woke up in actual pain. His cock was throbbing in his pajama bottoms, but it was if his body already knew that he wasn't planning on seeing Dan that morning, because it hurt more than it usually did. He needed Dan again already, but he knew he couldn't have him. The thought brought tears to his eyes again. He was tired of crying over men. He was tired of getting his heart broken. He was tired of being in love.

Why the fuck had he fallen in love with Dan? He hadn't wanted to, hadn't thought he could, and maybe things would have been alright if it hadn't turned out that Dan was everything Phil had thought he wasn't, but he was. Dan had turned out to be nearly as bad as his first few boyfriends, and it was killing him inside.

With frustrated fingers, Phil reached down to palm at his erection through his pants. It ached, but it felt nice, so Phil kept doing it, already knowing this wasn't going to be enough. What was he going to do when he left Dan's house? Masturbation was never enough, and sometimes, it got so bad that he couldn't even come. It was going to hurt, but Phil didn't know what else to do. He didn't want anyone but Dan, would probably contract a fucking disease if he had sex with people on the street, and yet, he didn't have much other choice. It was either attempt to quit cold turkey, and probably end up with blue balls and a serious case of i-dont-remember-going-out-last-night-holy-shit-who-is-this, or stay here with Dan, and the second wasn't an option.

He couldn't stay here. Not any longer.

His hand continued to move frantically against his cock, and he moved his other hand up to his mouth to quiet his moans. Dan would be up soon. Phil usually woke him at this time, and he didn't imagine that Dan's body wouldn't rise just from the routine. But Phil wasn't going in there today, and he was hoping that his absence wouldn't encourage Dan to check in on him. He just needed Dan to go.

And he needed his date, Chris, to go too.

He'd nearly forgotten about that. Of course Dan wouldn't be missing him that morning. Someone else was in his bed, and he'd probably be pissed if Phil /did/ show up in his room. Still, Phil kept quiet, eventually pushing his palm under his pants to grip his shaft properly.

He heard Dan get up and start moving around, and bit his skin, whimpering quietly at the memory of Dan against his skin rather than his own hand. He squeezed his eyes shut, and could feel the tears leaking down. He didn't need this. He didn't need any of this. He just wanted to come, and he needed Chris and Dan to fucking leave, and then he needed to pack his shit and leave as well.

Still, despite the haze of pleasure in his mind, Phil could still hear that there was only one set of footsteps in the flat. Chris must still be asleep, then. Phil prayed that Dan would make him leave before he went, and then he changed his mind, fully intending to out Dan for what he was.

Phil's hand moved faster on himself, and he could already feel himself growing frustrated. His cock fucking /hurt/ and it had to have been at least twenty minutes since he'd woken up. He hadn't wasted a second getting his hand on himself, but it wasn't working, and Phil wanted so desperately to just fucking come, but he couldn't. His body craved Dan, and he ached to go to him, knowing he was close, but he didn't, biting harder at his hand to keep from crying out. His hips jerked. Dan stopped in front of his bedroom door, and Phil bit harder, drawing blood.

He winced, but he didn't stop biting down. /Please, just leave. Please, I can't - you can't see me like this./

Dan's footsteps moved away, and Phil's body ached. He heard the front door close, and then, blissfully, orgasm came.

Phil cried out, and he didn't care if Chris heard or was in the house anymore. His body ached too much, and it felt so good to find release that he cried out around his hand, and bucked his hips erratically.

Eventually, he collapsed against the bed, and found that he was still crying.

\--

Before even stopping at his office, Dan was at his receptionist’s desk. “Hey, I’m not feeling too well today. I’m just stopping in to speak with a couple clients and grab some cases I’m working on. I’m probably going to leave before noon,” he said, doing what he could to keep himself from looking as hungover as he actually was.

“Oh of course!” his receptionist said quickly before giving Dan a sympathetic smile. “I hope you start feeling well, Mr. Howell. I’ll take your calls and reschedule your meetings,” she said, already typing away at her computer. “Should I let your father know you’ll be out today?”

Dan shook his head before pulling out his phone. “No need. I’ll send him a text and let him know.” There wasn’t any reason for his receptionist to let his father know. He wasn’t skipping school for God’s sake. Dan doubted he’d even bother to send a message. Not right now anyway.

Eventually he headed up to his office and sat down. He regretted even coming in at all now. All Dan wanted to do was take a hot shower and curl up next to Phil. “I just want to go home,” he mumbled to himself as he started to rummage around his file cabinet, pulling out what he wanted and setting them aside.

A couple hours later and he was hanging up the phone and packing his briefcase up. He’d gotten the most important stuff knocked out. Everything else could wait a day or two. At least until he wasn’t feel like he’d gotten hit by a bus. For now, the firm would be fine without him. They had his father here and Dan would do what he could from home. When it came down to it, it was surprisingly a lot.

After calling down and informing the front desk that he was leaving, Dan finally headed out. As long as he didn’t hit traffic on the way home, Dan figured he’d live through his post alcohol infliction.

\--

The first thing Phil did after cleaning up his pajamas and his hand was wander into Dan's room. He was feeling vindictive, hurt, and fully intended to flaunt himself to Dan's new lover, but when he pushed the door open, no one was there. Frowning, Phil wondered when Chris had left.

Dan had definitely been drunk last night, and it was obvious what they'd done, so why would Chris leave before Dan? Dan did go in vaguely late for normal work hours - just gone nine, rather than six am like most people in the world - so maybe Chris had had to work earlier than Dan and had left first. Phil wasn't sure, but he was a bit put out that he wasn't going to get the chance to cause some kind of reciprocal hurt.

Instead, he stormed back out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, only to find a note left by Dan. His eyes scanned it quickly, and then he glanced at the clock to find it was still early. He still had a few hours to be gone before Dan got back, but not as many as he'd thought he would.

He bit his lip.

His eyes stung with unshed tears.

He stood quietly in the kitchen for a short while just trying to get them under control, but by the time he was heading back to his bedroom and trying to figure out what he was going to take with him and what he was doing to leave, the doorbell rang.

The doorbell never rang these days. Phil eyed it carefully from his spot in the lounge, but eventually decided he had to answer it. It could be a package or something.

It didn't take long for Phil to reach the door, peering through the peephole to find a dark haired man standing on the other side. His hair was slightly curly, and his eyes green. As Phil opened the door, he couldn't help wondering if this was Chris.

"Dan's not home," Phil grumbled, realizing belatedly that he wasn't wearing a shirt. "But I'm sure you knew that."

The stranger stared at him with wide eyes.

"Who are you?"

Phil had every intention of opening his mouth and revealing all, but just as he went to do so, he found he couldn't.

"Dan's roommate. Are you Chris? I heard your date went well. Might want to keep it down next time."

The man's expression calmed some, but then he snorted, as if what Phil had said was funny. Phil lifted an eyebrow at him in confusion, not understanding the joke.

"I doubt whatever you heard last night was the sound of a date ending well. Dan and Chris were drunk, sure, and Dan might be gay, but he'd never go for Chris. I'm Peej, by the way. Doubt Dan's mentioned me or Chris ‘cause he's a dick like that, but we're just friends. Had a few drinks last night, but funnily enough, he didn't mention you either," Pj explained, starting out joking but quickly growing suspicious as he went on.

Phil's head was spinning. So Dan hadn't gone on a date last night after all? All this freaking out had been for nothing?

"How do I know you're really his roommate?"

"How do I know you're really his friend?" Phil was still talking, but his head was spinning. How could he have gotten things so wrong last night? He was horrified, but the more he thought on it, the less it changed anything.

Fine. So Dan wasn't the asshole Phil thought he was. He was still the kindest man Phil had ever known, but...but Phil had fallen in love with him. Phil was in love, and as angry as he'd been at Dan, the idea of leaving had been almost a relief.

It didn't matter if Dan hadn't found someone else. It didn't matter if Dan had never been using Phil. Dan would still never be able to love Phil, and even if he could, look at what had happened just from one simple misunderstanding.

Phil had gotten his heart broken all over again. All that love brought, reciprocated or not, was heartbreak, and Phil couldn't go through this again.

PJ was still eyeing him suspiciously.

"Look. Call Dan, ask him about me, I don't care. The point is, I live here, Dan's not here, and I don't know what you want,” Phil said, pissed off and upset and just ready to be alone again. He had shit to do, a bedroom to pack, and a flat to leave before Dan got home.

PJ relaxed a bit at that, though he was still eyeing Phil and his half dressed state. "No, we're not dating," Phil said before PJ could ask, the question clear on his face. Nodding once, PJ handed over a jacket that looked all too familiar to Phil.

"Dan left this at the bar last night. Figured I'd drop it by, only I didn't expect him to actually go into work today. Let him know I dropped by?"

"Sure," Phil agreed, anxious for PJ to leave so Phil could fall apart all over again.

Somehow, it hurt more knowing that he had to leave because he was in love with Dan, and not because Dan had used him. It hurt worse because now, he wasn't angry at Dan. He didn't have hate to cling to. He only had his own misery and self-hate to cling to while he packed his things.

PJ left after that, and Phil once again collapsed on the sofa. So Dan wasn't any of the evil things that Phil had thought, and Dan really was the man Phil had fallen in love with. Too bad Phil couldn't risk it. The last two days had proven that to Phil. He was too attached.

And love wasn't worth this pain.

He called Martin, and after a brief conversation and no explanation, Phil packed his stuff and left Dan a note.

/I'm sorry./

He didn't mention Pj or his jacket, he didn't explain, he just left his key, slung Dan's jacket over his own shoulders, and left.

\--

Dan’s hand fumbled with his key before he managed to shove it into the keyhole and unlock his front door. He’d later realize that these were the last few seconds of bliss he’d have. He’d think back and understand this was the moment right before tragedy. This exact moment would mean a lot to Dan later on.

“I’m home,” he called out as he stepped inside his flat, fully expecting Phil to be there waiting for him, or at the very least for the other to come running at him and pulling him into a heated kiss that Dan would never deny him. “Phil?” Dan asked slowly when that didn’t happen. He walked further into the lounge, dropping his briefcase on the sofa. “Phil I’m home!” Dan yelled a little louder this time, wondering if Phil hadn’t actually woken up yet. He glanced at the time. It was past twelve-thirty, that wouldn’t be like him. He frowned as started to go over the possibilities. Maybe Phil had had something he needed to do for the zine or he went out for lunch? Shopping? Anything? Dan didn’t know what Phil did when Dan wasn’t home, other than what Phil chose to tell him.

That’s when he noticed the note. It didn’t hit him though. Instead, it was confusing at best.

He re-read it a couple times to try and make sense out of it. All it said was, ‘I’m sorry.’ Sorry for what?

Dan held the slip of paper in his hand as he headed straight for Phil’s room. “Phil?” he asked again as he pushed the door open, not bothering to knock.

That’s when everything started to sink in as Dan looked around the nearly empty room.

Phil’s things were gone. The only things left were exactly what Dan had had in it before Phil had moved in.

For a moment, Dan’s brain didn’t let him believe it. He walked over to the closet and carefully opened it. There were no clothes left. Dan wordlessly closed it. As he stood in the middle of the room he looked down at the note in his hands.

So that’s what it meant.

Dan sat the note down on the bed before sitting next to it. It was like he couldn’t remember how to feel anymore. The emotion had been drained out of him. Maybe this was what shock felt like? Was Dan truly surprised though? He’d been afraid that one day something like this was going to happen. It was one of those horrible fleeting thoughts that you pushed to the very far back of your mind. He ran his hand over the bed.

Then suddenly all at once the emotion was there, and Dan felt more hurt than he ever could have imagined.

“Phil?” he whispered softly. Why would he leave him like this? Was Dan not good enough? Had he not done everything he could to make Phil happy? He’d stayed by him even when he’d known Phil couldn’t love him back. Hadn’t that been enough? He’d loved without asking for anything in return, not even that same love.

Dan reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, intent on calling Phil. He couldn’t just up and leave like this, there was no way.

\--

Martin wouldn't stop asking Phil what had happened. The entire ride home, he looked at Phil like he was an idiot, and it was killing him inside.

Phil knew he was an idiot, but not for the reasons his brother thought. He shouldn't have gone to live with Dan in the first place, and when he had, he should have made absolutely certain that he would never love him.

His heart was in his throat, and he grew closer and closer to tears each and every time his brother asked him what was going on, if Dan had kicked him out, and why he was wearing Dan's jacket. The very thought of Dan was killing Phil. It was enough, at least, to make him forget the horrible ache in his jeans, the horrible need he had for sex, and his craving for Dan to give him an orgasm more than anything else. At least he could focus on his feelings instead.

How was he going to tell his brother that he'd fallen in love with Dan, and then run away? They'd both known it was coming, but Phil hadn't been able to leave until now. Not until the thought of Dan cheating on him, technically, had come up, making Phil realize the depths of his feelings. No, this was it. This was the end. He couldn't go back, not matter what his brother said, or how much he missed and craved Dan.

\--

When they got to Martin's house, Martin helped Phil lug his things up and into his bedroom, the same one he'd had as a child. Cornelia, Martin's girlfriend, wasn't home, which was a relief because she would have grilled him harder than Martin currently was. His brother knew better. Once the tears started falling, he backed off.

"If I need to go kick his ass, just let me know," he reassured Phil, and Phil knew from his face that Martin knew that wasn't the problem.

It wasn't until Phil had been left alone that his his phone started buzzing, and he felt his heart sink further when he pulled it out of his pocket and saw Dan's name flash across the screen. He hung up without answering, rejecting the call, and shut off his phone.

He didn't know how many times Dan would try and call him, but he knew if he left his phone on, he was going to give in and actually answer.

Rather than dwelling over his thoughts in his bedroom alone, Phil scrambled off of his bed, leaving his phone behind and wandering back downstairs. There were still tears dripping down his face, but he didn't care as he joined Martin on the sofa in their family lounge.

"You okay?"

"No."

"You love him, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Phil."

"Me too."

\--

It didn’t take long for Dan to became frantic with his attempts to reach Phil. He called five or six more times after the first call was very obviously rejected, but every time it went straight to voicemail.

Dan knew he should stop trying, Phil had turned his phone off completely. He didn’t want to be reached.

Dan shook his head before scoffing at himself. He had never felt more pathetic than he currently did, trying desperately to get a hold of someone who didn’t want to speak to him. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Phil’s note. He was sorry? For what? Coming into Dan’s world and making everything beautiful for a while and then ripping it all away so there was nothing left but a fucking note? Dan opened his messages, pulled up Phil’s contact, and then typed him out one.

[text:] Not as sorry as I am.

Dan shoved the phone in his pocket, too afraid to put it down in case there was a slim chance Phil did decide to call him back. He looked around his very silent, very empty apartment. His heart clenched in his chest as he realized how alone he was.

Dan wrapped his arms around himself as he wandered from room to room. He knew there had been something before Phil. He just couldn’t remember what it was. How exactly had he lived before Phil had walked into his life? How would he do it now that he’d walked out?

Dan’s chest started to heave and it felt like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. “Phil?” he whispered softly, just in case this had been some kind of hallucination or bad dream. Maybe Phil would come waltzing into the living room and demand to know what was wrong with Dan. He didn’t come though, and it felt like a huge hole had been punched through Dan’s chest.

He did the only thing he knew to do, then. He called Chris and PJ, begging for them to come over, sobbing on the phone like he had no sense about him. And like the good friends they were, they agreed.

\--

Phil spent the afternoon with Martin, his brother doing everything he could to distract Phil and keep him from thinking of Dan. It helped, for the most part, as Phil spent more of his time laughing than dwelling on his feelings. At the same time though, he had a terrible understanding that his brother was just waiting for his girlfriend to get home from work so they could double team Phil and try and figure out why he'd left.

Another part of Phil couldn't care less. There was an itch under his skin, and anything was better than thinking about how badly he needed to be pleasured. He hadn't even gotten off with Dan since yesterday afternoon, and that felt so long ago now.

Martin kept looking at Phil, watching the way he twitched as they watched TV, and talked about nothing and everything all at the same time, carefully avoiding the subject of Dan, or Phil's feelings, or Phil's sex addiction, or anything at all. Phil kept having to adjust himself in his seat, sending his brother apologetic looks at he did so. Martin only rolled his eyes, because he'd grown accustomed to worse from Phil in the time before Phil had joined the agency.

Phil couldn't count the number of times Martin had walked in on him having sex with someone else, or the amount of compromising positions he'd found his brother in. He shouldn't feel as guilty as he did, but he hated what he'd made Martin see.

Eventually, Cornelia did arrive home, and when she saw Phil's red face and the jacket he was still wrapped up in, she immediately dragged him up and off of the sofa and into her arms. Phil went willingly enough, shifting his hips because wow, awkward, but Cornelia and Martin didn't care. Cornelia just dragged him in tighter until Phil was crying on her shoulder.

"What happened?" Cornelia demanded when she eventually let Phil go. "Did Dan do something? Did something happen?"

Phil only shook his head. He didn't want to have to explain to her, because he knew she would be mad.

"He's finally figured out he's in love with Dan," Martin explained for him, and Phil hung his head in shame.

"Then why's he here?"

"Ask him that."

"Phil. Phil, you know he loves you back, right?"

Phil could only shake his head, because no, he didn't know that, and anyways, it didn't matter.

It took a while, but eventually, Cornelia and Martin got the whole story out of Phil. Phil cried almost the entire time he explained, feeling the ache in his chest grow in size and pain. He wanted nothing more than to forget what he'd gone through, but when Cornelia and Martin questioned why this was a problem, Phil could only reiterate to them what he'd gone through when he was sixteen, what he'd gone through when he'd thought Dan was cheating on him, and how unlucky in love he was. There was no way things could work out between him and Dan, not after everything he'd given Dan already. Phil didn't want to be used again, and it didn't matter how many times Martin and Cornelia told him that wouldn't happen, Phil knew things couldn't be okay.

Dan was a kind man, sure, but Phil...Phil wasn't ready to be in love again.

When he eventually returned to his room, Phil couldn't help turning on his phone, and the lone text message from Dan broke his heart all over again.

There was no way Dan could be more sorry than Phil unless it was because Dan understood why Phil had left, and if Dan understood and was sorry, then there was no way Dan could possibly love him back.

\--

Despite Dan’s request for Chris not to, he brought over booze and fast food. Dan couldn’t imagine any type of alcohol or food was going to make this better.

“He was the one who answered the door this morning. He’d thought you and…well he’d thought you and Chris had slept together last night,” PJ said as he attempted to stop Chris from pushing anymore fries at Dan. “I cleared it up for him though, Dan. There was no way he would have left thinking you two had done anything,” he mumbled sadly as he took in Dan’s appearance. Dan had managed to keep the tears from falling, but his eyes were rimmed red and there was a certain look of devastation on his face that couldn’t be ignored.

“Where did you even meet this dude? Why haven’t you told us about him before? We would have understood if you’d at least told us why you were missing our nights out. Hell, we probably would have asked you to bring him along. You didn’t have to feel like you had to keep us all separate and in the dark,” PJ said quietly. There was an element of hurt to his voice. Dan had ignored his friends for a boy, one who’d walked out without even saying goodbye at that.

Dan ran a hand over his face. He didn’t know what he would have done if his friends hadn’t showed up. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for a guilt trip though. He felt miserable enough without anyone adding insult to injury. So far all his friends had managed to get out of him was the fact that Phil had left. And Phil was somebody Dan was apparently in love with. That was as much as they knew. Oh, well that and how heartbreaking it was not to be loved back.

“Phil, he’s the one you hired for me….for my birthday,” Dan muttered, his eyes falling back to the carpet. “What a fucking brilliant birthday gift by the way. Did I mention how much I loved it? Until he ran off and crushed me in the process that is,” Dan spat as if it was their fault. He couldn’t blame them though. He wasn’t meant to start a relationship or whatever they had, with Phil. It was meant to be a one night stand. Dan had taken it and turned into something it wasn’t supposed to be.

But even when everything hurt, Dan couldn’t stand the thought of having never met Phil. He’d turned his life into something he’d never thought it could be. He’d changed everything. He’d come into Dan’s life so abruptly and left the same way.

“What the fuck, Dan!” Chris said, his eyes going wide. “You dated the escort?” he asked with a disbelieving look on his face. “Why would you do that!? I mean can you imagine all the men he’s been with? Of course he doesn’t love you, we could have told you that if your stupid ass had been smart enough to talk to someone about it! What were you thinking!?” he asked, and a second later, Dan was up on his feet, looming over Chris with a snarl on his face. The words had done more than sting. Even if Phil had up and walked out, nobody got to talk about him like that. Especially not his friends.

“I don’t care how many people he’s been with. For over a month he’s only been with me. You’re meant to be supporting me! I don’t care what he did, I don’t need you to talk shit about him, I can do that just fine on my own!” Dan all but yelled. Instantly though, he regretted it. They were just trying to help. His face softened as he fought back another rush of tears. “I don’t care if he couldn’t love me back, I still loved him. I still do. I would have loved him for the rest of my life if he’d given me a chance,” Dan sniffed as he flopped back onto the sofa. He let Chris pull him into his side in an apologetic action.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. You have to admit though, it's a bit overwhelming, isn’t it? I’m sorry he’s gone. I don’t know why he left. I know you would have given him anything. You’re good like that. Any equally homosexual man would know that,” Chris teased, trying ease the tension.

Dan wasn’t having it though. He said nothing as he attempted to keep himself from crying. He took a deep breath, and tried to compose himself. He felt like his whole world was falling out from underneath him. Nothing made sense anymore, and he felt pathetic.

The worst part was that Dan couldn’t even say this wasn’t worth it. He’d love to settle for his boring, lonesome, mundane life if that meant he could avoid the hurt all together. It was too late though. It was like seeing in color for the first time. How could he go back to black and white after his world had been so very bright and vibrant?

Dan said nothing as they all sat in silence for the longest time.

Eventually, Chris had to leave but PJ promised to stay over. They all knew Dan wasn’t going to let both of them leave.

That night was probably the hardest Dan had ever gone through. He couldn’t force himself to eat or sleep. Instead, he and PJ slept in the living room with the television on along with the kitchen light as well. Dan was doing everything he could to make it seem like it wasn’t night time yet, because that way, he’d never have to face tomorrow.

\--

The next week wore on slowly. That first day, Phil woke up sick to his stomach, aching with need after a dream of being with Dan. Dan's arms had been loving and safe around him, adoring, kind, and all around perfect. His lips had been soft and sweet, his thrusts slow and loving, and Phil had been crying out as his nails ran down Dan's sweaty back. It had felt so good. Phil had been in bliss, feeling Dan's affection for him overflowing through his skin. Dan had ducked down to whisper in Phil's ear, but just before the words could be spoken, just as the "lo-" had started, Phil had woken up.

His stomach turned, and he made it to the restroom before he was vomiting. He had to climb into the shower to get rid of his hard-on, and he'd sobbed for every second that he thought of Dan.

It took him an hour to come. He almost didn't think it was going to happen, even as he tried everything and bit hard into his arm.

By the time Phil had left the bathroom, Martin and Cornelia were up. They looked upset and worried about him, but they didn't say anything while he made breakfast.

The days continued on in that vein. Phil spent most of his time staring blankly at his phone. After that first day, Dan had given up calling or texting him, and that almost hurt more than anything else. Phil wanted so bad to hear Dan's voice, to feel his touch again, but he couldn't. Dan didn't love him, Dan never could, and their relationship, their friendship, was gone.

If only Phil hadn't gone and fallen in love.

Martin and Cornelia kept trying to argue that nothing was over, that Phil needed to stop being a scared little shit and go back to Dan. They said Dan was good for him, kind, that there was nothing worthwhile in life without a little risk, but Phil couldn't face it.

His mind kept flicking back over his first boyfriend, the first person he'd ever loved, and how he'd used Phil until Phil was broken on the ground. How many times had Phil whispered he loved Kevin before they'd even had sex? Kevin had always smiled sweetly at him, but he wouldn't touch Phil in public. He wouldn't admit they were in a relationship, he wouldn't kiss Phil, or hold his hand. Phil should have known he was being used.

Well, he’d figured it out pretty quickly when he finally spread his legs for Kevin and the man had left him crumpled on the floor of a dirty classroom, never to see Phil again.

Maybe it was dumb, but Phil was terrified that the exact same thing was happening all over again. Dan, sweet, kind, Dan. He wasn't the bad things Phil had thought that night when Phil had thought he’d gone on a date, but he wasn't a saint in Phil's mind any longer. No one was perfect, and Phil's feelings were overwhelming and unreturned. How could Dan ever love Phil?

Still, it was hard. Every day, Phil wanted to go back. He wanted to pretend that nothing had changed. He wanted to be in Dan's arms and swallow down his feelings until Dan found someone different, but he refrained.

By the third day, Phil had taken to locking himself in his room. He knew his brother was concerned for him, and he knew both him and his girlfriend were plenty aware of what Phil was going through. It was no secret how much sex Phil had on a daily basis, nor was it a secret that he was an addict, so they all knew what Phil was doing when he locked himself away in any room, including the restroom.

Phil tried to stay quiet, but more often than not, his touch only burned and he ended up coming with a pained shout, tears streaming down his face as the ache only grew in insistence. He hurt so much. He rubbed off on anything he could get his hands on, left marks on his skin from how hard he scratched trying to get under his own skin, to rip out the urge and make the pain go away, but nothing helped.

On the fifth day, Martin slipped the agency's number under Phil's door, and Phil held it weakly, wishing he could go back, but knowing he couldn't. It wasn't an option anymore. Phil didn't /want/ to go back.

On the sixth day, Phil snuck out of his home for the first time in years. His hands were shaking at his sides, and he twitched with every step, like an addict searching for his next fix.

He found a guy in a club that looked vaguely like Dan, but they never made it passed kissing.

Neither of them were drunk, but Phil still ended up vomiting everywhere, right in the middle of their desperate grinding session.

The guy left with a disgusted curse at Phil, and Phil collapsed on the cold floor of the bathroom stall, covered in his own sick, but somehow relieved.

He didn't want anyone but Dan.

On the seventh day, Phil finally broke down.

He needed to see Dan.

\--

One of Dan’s biggest faults always seemed to be his coping skills. When emotions became too strong, he shut down completely. He didn’t know to rationalize or manage his feelings towards issues. This time was no different.

Dan knew if he let himself feel the pain of Phil having left him, he’d break the seal. He’d never be able to stop hurting. He thought it was ultimately better to just brush it under the rug. He couldn’t even think about Phil or he’d break down, he knew it. He couldn’t let that happen. Instead, Dan went back to work the next day and he left only when he had to.

He got up at five every morning so that he could be at the office by six, way before anyone else had even bothered to think about crawling out of bed. He stayed well into the evening, long after everyone had gone home, and the only time he found it in himself to leave was when the janitor gave him that disapproving look he had about him and explained that if Dan didn’t plan on staying the night, then he needed to go. When Dan finally did get home, he would open his laptop and work for another couple of hours until he knew he absolutely couldn’t stay awake any longer, and the he’d finally allow himself to crash, knowing the second his head hit the pillow, he would be out like a light without any energy left to think about Phil.

That was how Dan’s week went.

He canceled dinner with his parents claiming that he’d gotten a sudden headache. When he did see his father at work, he made it a point to act natural and put on good face. So far, it seemed to be working; neither of his parents knew any different. Dan was good at acting like things were fine. They didn’t need to know the turmoil that was just under the surface.

When Dan did think of Phil, his heart hurt. Everything hurt. Falling in love with Phil had been easy. It was getting over him that was hard. This was love then? Giving everything you could and then having it thrown back in your face? Dan couldn’t help thinking maybe Phil was right. Maybe Dan wanted no part in it.

Still, Dan couldn’t help wishing Phil had at least stayed long enough to tell Dan to fuck off or something. To tell him that it wasn’t working out, that Dan was just too needy, that the sex wasn’t good anymore, or that he was moving on to bigger and better things. Maybe then Dan could hate him, because even now he still couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to hate Phil like he knew should. And he hated that most of all.

Dan had seen PJ and Chris four times this week. They did what they could to keep him busy for hours at time. They’d watched half of the movies in Dan’s collection so far, ordered take out a handful of times, and forced Dan to play video games that he didn’t really want to play.

He kept checking his phone to see if maybe Phil had called or texted him, anything to keep that spark of hope alive. There was nothing, though. Dan got messages, emails, and calls from everyone but Phil. By the sixth day, Dan had completely stopped looking at his phone at all. Any hope he had of Phil coming back to him was slowly fading. He kept debating whether or not he’d rather have had a couple of months of wonderful over a lifetime of nothing special if he’d known how much it was going to hurt afterwards. In those short moments right before he did fall asleep, Dan found the answers he asked himself.

Even if he’d known how badly it was going to hurt in the end, he wouldn’t have stopped himself from loving Phil. He’d do it all over again if got the chance. He wouldn’t have traded a second of their time together.

\--

Phil knew it was dumb, what he was doing. He knew it was dangerous, that he was risking everything, but he didn’t care as he worked as hard as he could to make himself appear presentable. His shirt was tucked in, his hair done, and he was dressed as nicely as he could be. He thought it was the only way he was going to get in.

His hands were trembling at his sides, though, and his cock was rock hard, the same way it had been for days, now. It was tucked up under his belt, held in place so it wouldn’t be as noticeable, and he was wearing concealer under his eyes to hide the bags there. He knew he still looked exhausted, this his eyes appeared haunted, but there was only so much he could do.

His fingers played with the card Dan had given him months ago, his cell and office numbers printed under a bright logo. The address for Dan’s law firm was probably everywhere online, but Phil was clinging to the business card that told him exactly where to go.

He hadn’t made an appointment because he was almost certain Dan wouldn’t take him. He was just getting into a cab instead, determined to get past Dan’s assistant and into his office.

After that, Phil didn’t know. More than half of him wanted nothing more to jump Dan, and he was almost certain that was exactly what would happen the moment the doors were locked behind him, but part of him knew that Dan would likely stop him. That Dan would ask him questions, probably make him use a condom, and that’s why there was one already tucked away in his pants pockets. The lies were settled on his tongue as well. Phil had apologized in that note because he’d messed up. He hadn’t been able to control himself after Dan left that morning, and he’d fucked a stranger on the street. He’d been too afraid to face Dan, and had run away.

/Love? What love? I don’t love you,/ he would say. The lie burned in his throat, but he was prepared.

He was ready.

He couldn’t live without Dan, and if all he could have was a few more months, maybe a few more years, of just having meaningless sex, then Phil would take it. Because this ache hurt so much, and there was no one who knew how to help him like Dan did, and /Phil never wanted anyone else/. He’d loved only once before, and look where that had gotten him. No. This was the end. He’d love Dan until he wasn’t allowed to love Dan anymore, and then he would go back to his old ways.

Dan was the last man who would ever have his heart, even if Dan never knew that fact.

And Phil fully intended for it to be that way.

After rattling off Dan’s address to the cab driver, Phil played with the condom in his pocket, anxious and jittery as his leg bounced in the car. He was so desperate to see Dan, and he’d made up his mind. If Dan would take him back, he was staying this time. If not…then he’d try and go back to the agency. He’d do what he could, and if they wouldn’t have him, he’d try another escort business, and he’d learn to get over Dan. He’d learn to shut off his heart all over again.

Eventually, Phil made it to Dan’s office building, and he hesitated at the front doors. It took more courage than Phil thought he had to open the doors and climb into the lift, which was packed full, but he did it, shaking uncontrollably as people pressed in close with him. Their touch made Phil want to moan, but he held it back. He was so desperate and needy, and he ached so bad in his pants.

He just wanted to be back in Dan’s arms and taken care of.

The receptionist turned out to be his next obstacle.

“Do you have an appointment today with Mr. Howell?”

“No, I – I just really need to see him. I – it’s just – please,” Phil begged, his hands and voice shaking as he held tight to the counter she was sat at. His eyes were big, and he could feel the tears threatening, and while the women looked understanding, she didn’t budge.

“Mr. Howell is refusing any new clients, at the moment, but I’m sure his father would be happy to take your case –“

“Phil? Phil, what are you doing here?” a voice called behind him, and Phil turned to find Dan’s father striding towards him in concern. “Are you okay? You look badly shaken up. Patty, don’t you know who this is? This is Dan’s boyfriend. I’m sure he’d want him rushed back. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it,” Mr. Howell assured the women, and Phil had never been more relieved or more horrified to see the man.

“Are you okay, Phil?” he asked as he took his arm, steering him down a hallway past the receptionist’s desk. “Does Dan know you’re here?”

“No, I – it’s – sir, it’s my parents – they died today, nearly ten years ago? I just – I told Dan I would be – I’m not - I just,” Phil choked on the words, despite the lies that they were, because he had no other way of explaining himself now. He couldn’t have Dan’s father knowing the truth, after all, and it didn’t seem he knew about their “break-up” yet, if he was escorting Phil to his son’s office. What else could he do? There was no other way to explain why he looked like shit, despite having tried so hard to clean up, and there was no better way to get to Dan then through his father, it seemed.

He gnawed at his lip as Mr. Howell sent him a sympathetic but uncomfortable look. Phil knew Dan’s father wasn’t big on emotions, and he didn’t know how to comfort, so he didn’t blame him, but he did finally let the tears fall, because Phil officially thought he was going to die if Dan didn’t touch him /right now _/_.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be pleased to know you’re okay,” Mr. Howell reassured him, finally stopping in front of a door. “I’ll leave you to it, then. He’s right in there,” the man explained, and then he was gone.

Phil couldn’t be more thankful, but even so, his hands trembled with something other than need as he reached up to knock.

\--

Dan had been doing paperwork all day before meeting with a couple clients. Compared to most days, it was fairly slow. Which still wasn’t good for Dan. The more things he needed to get done, the less time he had to dwell on…unnecessary things. After hanging up the phone, he sighed, running a hand down his face. He was getting tired already. Those late nights weren’t doing much for him anymore. He was way ahead on all of his cases. He still had that to be thankful for. That was all he had to be thankful for though. He was just about to get up and get himself some coffee when there was a knock on the door. Dan frowned before checking his watch and then his schedule. He had no meetings scheduled at this time. His father wouldn’t knock, and if his assistant was sending someone up, she’d call and check with him first. “It’s open,” he called out as he pulled out his legal pad in case something unexpected had come up.

Phil could just barely hear Dan's voice through the door, but when he did, he gripped the handle nervously, taking a deep breath as he pushed it down and pushed forward until the door swung open in front of him. Head down, he walked in, not ready to face Dan's reaction to him as he immediately turned his back on Dan to close and lock the door. The lock clicking was loud in the silence of the room, and Phil was trembling as he stared at the dark wood in front of him, too afraid to turn around. He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest, could feel his eyes watering and his cock aching in his pants. He wanted so much, but mostly, he just wanted Dan. When there was no reaction outside of a quiet thumping sound, Phil finally turned around. "Is your office soundproof?" he managed to croak out, finally lifting his eyes to Dan's gaze, and whimpering at the sight he found. It wasn't anger, though he knew he deserved it, and rightfully so. It was pain and relief all mixed in one, and somehow that was worse than the anger.

Dan stared silently as Phil slipped into his office, shutting the door and locking it behind him. Dan had never found it in himself to be angry at Phil. Not even now when he walked in without saying a word other than questioning if his office was soundproof. For a while, he couldn’t say anything. He’d given up hope that Phil would come back. Dan honestly hadn’t expected for the other to come walking in like that. “For the most part,” Dan mumbled as he put away his legal pad. He didn’t need to ask Phil to know what he wanted. He didn’t know why he’d need to come back to Dan for it though. Surely, it would have been easier to find a stranger with the right qualifications to satisfy Phil’s needs. At this point though, he couldn’t care less if he was being used or not.

Phil gulped as Dan put down the pad of paper in his hands, moving his hands through his fringe as he sighed and rested his hip against his desk. Phil bit his lip, feeling the pain in his abdomen only growing more. He wasn't even sure how that was possible, at this point. "Dan -" he started, but cut himself off with a small whimper. He closed his eyes and took a shaky step forward. "Dan, I -" he cut himself off again as felt his heart stutter hard in his chest. This was harder than he'd thought it was going to be, and the worst part was, Dan looked resigned, like he knew exactly what Phil was here for - and he was partially right, but he definitely didn't know the full reasons. Phil whimpered again as he opened his eyes and took another step forward, each movement harder than the last, his skin beginning to burn and make him feel dizzy. "Please?" he begged brokenly, "I can't - Dan," he cried, and before he knew it, he was in Dan's arms of his own volition. Dan hadn't moved an inch, and yet Phil's lips were all over him, his arms pushing at Dan's shirt and under the buttoned fabric. He didn't dare kiss him, terrified that Dan wouldn't allow it, and instead pressed his lips all over Dan's neck and cheeks. His eyes were closed as he prepared himself to be pushed away, but his body was desperate as it ground against Dan's body, moaning at just the feel of contact against his skin. He was panting already, and he could feel tears dripping down his cheeks as he pressed in tighter to Dan, desperate not to be pushed away. "God, please," he begged, though he couldn't elaborate, his voice going whiny and hoarse with the force of his need. "Dan," he cried, clawing at his skin, desperately trying to get Dan to respond to him, desperately hoping Dan could forgive him, take him back into his life, even just as a fuck buddy, he didn't care.

Dan hesitated as he tried to decide what to do. It wasn’t like he didn’t want Phil. There hadn’t been a time since they’d meet that Dan didn’t want Phil. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being used. Was he just part of Phil’s addiction now? And if so, was he going to play into it? Was Dan really so pathetic that all Phil needed to do was kiss at his neck to have him rolling over? Phil was begging though, and it was so hard to say no like this. Dan didn’t move as Phil started to cry, panting and yanking at his clothes. Was he being played with? Phil knew just how to torment Dan in the worst way possible. Yeah. He figured they both knew he couldn’t say no. Phil just wanted sex and Dan just wanted Phil. Black hair and blue eyes had become his own addiction. Phil had left without saying a word, and a week later he walked into Dan’s office with apparent need that he expected Dan to take care of. Which he would. He’d do anything for Phil and he hated himself for it. He was disgusted with himself as he slowly started to slide his hands down Phil’s sides. Phil didn’t love him, Phil didn’t even need him apart from sex, and this was going to end badly. Dan wanted to cry as well as he slowly gave in. Even if he wanted to say no, he couldn’t. It didn’t matter though, because he didn’t want to say no. He never would.

Suddenly, Dan's hands came up against Phil's sides, sliding up under his shirt and pressing into his skin, and Phil couldn't help it as he cried out loudly. "Dan!" he whimpered, pressing harder against him and rubbing himself all over the man. His heart was racing, and he felt dizzy as he moved his lips along Dan's jaw until they pressed to Dan's. "Please, please, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I'm so fucking sorry," he begged, the words mouthed against Dan's lips as he tried to lick into him. He moaned as Dan's hands moved further, panting harshly as he finally got the kind of contact he'd been desperate for. He felt dizzy with pleasure, and he couldn't help the way he was already rutting against Dan like his life depended on it. Maybe it did, Phil didn't know, but he couldn't even think with how badly he just /needed./

Dan didn’t know what to make of Phil’s words. Sure, he sounded sorry, but was it just the sex that was making him say it? Was he afraid that if he didn’t say it, Dan was going to push him off or something? Dan ignored Phil’s words and instead opted on moving his hands to the button of Phil’s pants, undoing it before moving to unzip them. While he wanted to discuss things, maybe get answers, Phil didn’t seem capable of talking to him about anything at the moment. Dan knew enough to know he wouldn’t be able to think straight until after he’d come.

Phil cried out as Dan's hands moved to his crotch, undoing the button and zipper of his jeans even as Phil erratically thrust at his thigh, trying to get the right kind of pressure he needed to finally find release. Dan's touch was like fireworks going off against Phil's skin, and he whined loudly as Dan touched him, finally. "Dan," he whimpered, trying once again to drag their lips together for a kiss, but Dan wasn't having it, and all Phil could do was cry some more, the tears making his head pound. He moved his mouth to Dan's neck, choosing instead to kiss at the skin there for some kind of relief. "Dan, please. 'M sorry," he moaned, whispering the words against Dans' skin.

“I know you’re sorry,” Dan mumbled as he slid his hand down Phil’s pants and started to palm him properly. “You said so in your note,” he frowned as he finally pushed his hand down Phil’s underwear. He didn’t think now was the best time to talk about it, but he couldn’t help the subtle dig. Still, Dan knew this exact moment wasn’t going to bring clarity for either of them. He didn’t want Phil to explain anything while he was attempting to give a hand job. He wanted to get Phil’s slacks off instead, and it didn’t seem like he could do it fast enough.

Phil's entire body shook when Dan's hands pushed past his underwear, and the feeling of finally being touched by someone that /wasn't/ him made him lose track of all conversation. He moaned so loudly, Dan actually reached up and slapped a hand over his mouth. Phil closed his eyes, still crying as he rocked erratically into Dan's hand, so desperate for touch that he felt like he was dying. His whole body was on fire, and it /hurt/ so fucking much to finally be getting pleasure, but it was also the best thing in the world. He cried harder, rocking his hips and biting back sobs. "I-it hurts," he whined, kissing at Dan's palm desperately as he held him. He couldn't remember a time he'd gone this long without sex, and he could feel it in his balls. They felt heavy and achy, and his cock was red raw from the times he'd tried to get himself off, but no matter how bad it hurt, he just wanted more, so he groaned and grasped harder at Dan's skin where his hands were still pressed up and under his shirt. "Dan," he whimpered, crying harder still as his hips continued to rock frantically. He wanted to come so bad, but no matter how furiously Dan worked at his cock, it didn't seem like he would.

Dan did what he could to try and get Phil off with a hand job. It didn’t take long to realize though that that wasn’t going to be enough. It wouldn’t be enough to push Phil over the edge like he needed. Dan might have been confused and hurt, but he was far from a monster. He shushed Phil again as he removed his hand from his mouth and his cock. “You have to be quiet or we’ll end up getting caught,” he whispered, his tone surprisingly gentle even to his own ears. He pushed aside the papers and objects on his desk as he ushered Phil out of his lap enough that he could get the other’s slacks and pants down around his ankles. He didn’t bother to undo his own slacks. He only bothered to pull his cock out of his zip before pushing Phil and forcing him to lean across his desk.

Phil tried to protest when Dan released him, but Dan was quick to shush him. Phil bit his lip so hard he drew blood with his attempt to cry out in pain. His cock ached even worse now, with the tease of pleasure that wouldn't come, but soon he found that Dan was talking to him in such a gentle tone that Phil could do nothing but relax. Even if Dan was mad at him, even if Dan hated his guts, Phil knew he was about to take care of Phil. His gentle Dan. Always kind. Climbing out of Dan's lap as Dan pushed him away, Phil allowed Dan to yank his jeans and pants off, and then push him back onto his now empty desk, belly down. He was surprised and relieved to see Dan pull his own cock out from over his shoulder, and reached up to press his hand into his mouth. He could taste blood, but he didn't care as he worked to quiet himself. Dan was going to take care of him if he could just calm the fuck down. He threw his head down, listening to it bang, and winced, but only bit down harder on his hand as Dan, fully dressed, pressed his body up against Phil's. With a loud gasp, Phil pulled his hand away and squinted back at Dan with new tears in his eyes. "I - if you - condom?" he offered, even as the offer made him choke on his own sob. How could he expect Dan to trust him, now, after all of this? Even when he wanted so badly to have Dan fill him up, he would give anything to have that trust back, and if that meant offering Dan the condom in Phil's pants pocket, then so be it.

Everything stopped when Phil offered him the condom. That meant he’d been with someone else. But how was Dan going to be angry when he knew that this was an actual addiction for Phil? This was more than just wanting sex, it was /needing it/ and not being able to function without it. Still, there was a great deal of pain in knowing that Phil had gone to someone else. Maybe Dan had thought that by some strange happenstance of luck, he’d be Phil’s last. Again, this wasn’t something Dan could process at the moment. He was torn between being understanding, and just being flat out hurt. Now came the bigger issue. Did he want the condom? How long had it been since they’d used one? Since the test of course. Chances were, Phil didn’t know the person he’d fucked or their sexual history. If Phil had something, Dan would be exposed to whatever it was as well. “It’s fine,” he mumbled. It was a stupid move and he knew it, but Dan would risk anything just to feel close to Phil like he once had. He didn’t know if this was going to be the last time they did this, after all. Maybe Phil would get what he wanted and leave, and Dan would never see him again. He’d take a chance this time. Without warning, he quickly slipped a finger inside of Phil. He had no lube and Dan wasn’t about to stop what they were doing to hunt down some lotion. Besides, last time Dan checked, Phil liked it raw. After a while, Dan added another finger, and then finally, a third. He stretched his fingers as far apart as he could to work Phil open. Once he finally felt like he’d been stretched properly, Dan was lining himself up.

Phil's heart was thudding hard in his chest as he watched warring emotions flash over Dan's face, noting the hurt that Phil had offered, and feeling his own heart pound roughly in response. But how was Phil to know that offering Dan a condom would make him think it was because Phil had been with anyone other than Dan? At the same time, it made it easier for Phil to lie, later. Then Dan did something Phil wasn't expecting. He muttered two words Phil had never thought he'd hear, but before he could do or say anything, Dan was pressing a finger inside of him. Phil moved his hand back over his mouth to frantically still the sounds he was trying to make, and rutted his hips down hard, searching for more pleasure as Dan slowly fingered him open. The pace he set was surprisingly fast, a bit savage, like Dan wanted nothing more than to fuck Phil, rather than treasure him as he used too. Still, it was a through stretching, and Phil was sweating by the time he was done. His teeth were pressed so hard against his hand that he thought he might have actually broken the skin. He was crying again, little choked sobs because he still couldn't come, and Dan's fingers had long since found his prostate. His hips were moving of their own accord, and he could feel his cock and balls straining, but he still couldn't come. Finally, Dan was pressing between his legs, and Phil opened his eyes to peer back at him. All he could see was hurt, and it tore at his heart as he thrashed, slamming his eyes closed again as the crying got worse. "Dan!" he cried out, the sound muffled against his hand. He bit back the words that threatened to spill, unwilling to confess his feelings with the fear that it would only drive Dan further away. The fact that Dan was being so rough, forcing Phil to take him from behind without even the comfort of being able to see Dan’s face, told Phil all he needed to know about how Dan was feeling, how Dan probably felt about him, and it broke his heart, because he knew this was his fault. His gentle, loving Dan had never treated Phil like this. Phil had ruined everything, and yet he couldn't stop, his body racing towards an orgasm that just wouldn’t come.

With a single thrust, Dan was inside of Phil. While it had only been seven days, to Dan it felt like it had been months. He didn’t know how he could be turned on and devastated at the same time, but he was. It was a bittersweet moment. It felt so good to be back inside of Phil, and yet it was just as painful. He pulled out before slamming back into him roughly. He figured this was what Phil wanted. He couldn’t see him wanting a slow and tender reunion, even if that was what Dan wanted so badly. Phil been thrashing against him and banging his head into the desk. Dan could only guess that he was losing it second by second. Dan wasted no time in finding Phil’s prostate again. Once he did though, that was his main focus; pounding into that nerve over and over again. His grip on Phil’s hips was hard enough to leave bruises. Dan couldn’t help but linger on that though. Good. Whoever Phil was with next would see them. He wasn’t about to go back to the no marks rule. Whoever saw them would know that Dan had been there. Phil could forget about him if he choose to, but for a couple of days, the bruises would remind him and tell a different story. He thrust faster as he fought his own groans. He leaned over Phil’s back so that he could leave a hickey against the pale flesh of Phil’s neck. Dan reached around and grabbed Phil’s cock in his hands so that he could work him in time with his thrusts.

It was so painful, but it was so fucking good. Phil was writhing against the desk, his teeth digging deeper into flesh as he worked to keep his voice down, but he couldn't help the sounds that he was making. His hips were bucking erratically as Dan took him hard and fast. His hands sure to leave bruises against Phil's hips, but it felt too good to complain, and if this was the last time Phil would ever have Dan, then he would treasure the reminders. Still, Phil's crying got worse as he worked to slow himself down slightly, needing some kind of affection even as Dan leaned over his body in a dominating fashion. Dan's lips came down on Phil's neck, biting into the skin, and then sucking harshly, and suddenly, Phil understood. Dan was dominating him, sure, punishing him, maybe, but he was trying to mark Phil as his. The thought made Phil's eyes roll into the back of his head, and he moaned lowly against his skin as his body went slack. He didn't have it in him anymore to fight for his orgasm. He couldn't. It felt so close yet so far away, despite the way Dan's cock was pressing into his prostate, and despite the way Dan was stroking his cock. He felt so weak, suddenly - weak at the knees, yes, desperate for Dan to take charge, yes, but weak, too, just because he couldn't take it any longer. A week. A week without sex, without a proper orgasm. Phil wasn't sure how he'd made it this long. He bit down harder, squeezing his eyes shut as his sweaty bangs plastered his forehead to Dan's desk.

It was true that Dan had wanted this to last. There was a fire inside of him that this /would/ be the last time he got to do with this was Phil. He wanted to enjoy every moment of it even if his heart ached all the while. However, as much he wanted to prolong it, Dan hadn’t had sex since the last time he’d seen Phil. He hadn’t even tried to get himself off. Still, that didn’t mean his body hadn’t recognized the fact it had gone from two orgasms a day to zero. Those seven days had decreased his stamina. “Gonna cum,” he gasped as he slammed even harder into Phil, working his cock the best he knew how to. He wanted Phil to remember this. His hips thrusted even faster as he finally managed to finish inside of Phil. It took a lot to stifle his moan, but he felt proud of himself when all that had escaped his lips was a small groan.

Phil gasped against the skin in his mouth when he felt Dan filling him up, but still, his own orgasm didn't come. The feeling made his body seize up on it's own, and his heart ached when Dan didn't so much as beg him to come with him, let alone let out that amazing sound he made every time he came. Phil didn't even bother to stifle his loud sob this time. He didn't attempt to pump his hips, either. He just let Dan ride out his orgasm, feeling Dan's hand eventually still on his cock, and enjoying the bittersweet feeling of being filled up with Dan's cum once again. He was sobbing even harder now at the thought of not being able to cum, of Dan being done with him, of this pain never ending. He'd never gone this long without an orgasm. He'd never felt this much pleasure and /still/ not been able to cum. "PLEASE!" Phil cried out. "Haven't - since you, Dan!" Phil shouted, but even he could hear that the words were incomprehensible. He couldn’t bring himself to try again though, still weak, still limp against the desk, and pressed under Dan, begging for release, his nerve endings on fire but completely unable to orgasm. He choked on another sob, tossing his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. Dan was going to leave him. He could feel it in the way Dan kept himself angled away from Phil, like he wanted this to be the last time, and he almost didn't even care if Phil came. "Please..." he begged, more quietly this time. "Please. I couldn't - need you," he whined.

The pleasure from Dan’s orgasm didn’t last long. He noticed right away that Phil hadn’t finished with him. Instead, he was crying out for Dan to help, begging, and telling him how much he needed him. Dan didn’t understand why Phil hadn’t come when Dan had. He couldn’t help but feel almost as frantic as Phil had. The situation was becoming even more serious now. Dan knew Phil was hurting, and despite his own pain, that was still the last thing he wanted for him. “Shh, it’s alright,” Dan said softly as he attempted to reassure Phil. He slowly pulled out before forcing Phil to turn around. “I’m gonna make you finish, I’ll take care of you,” he promised as he dropped to his knees. He didn’t know what else to do. He reached behind Phil to slip a finger inside of him instead before quickly placing his lips around the head of Phil’s cock. Maybe this would work instead. Dan wasn’t sure, he was willing to try anything though. Anything that would get Phil to finish, he’d do it. He fingered Phil as he slurped around Phil’s heavy cock.

Phil wasn't moving anymore. Dan was moving for him. Phil's limbs felt heavy, his panting erratic, and his cock pulsing with need. The fire under his hands was worse than it had ever been, and he could see the blood on his arm now that he was facing the other way. Still, he pressed his hand tight against his mouth to restrain himself as Dan's fingers pressed inside of him, pressing his cum further inside of him while he was at it, and then his lips were wrapping tight around Phil's cock. Phil moaned, but he couldn't buck his hips, even as he desperately wanted to use Dan's mouth for his own pleasure. Things were getting close to overstimulation now, but Phil hadn't come, and he wanted to die. He stared at the ceiling in a daze, biting into his arm, and wishing he could reach down with his other hand to touch Dan. "Please," he whimpered.

It worried Dan that Phil still hadn't come yet. He knew it probably didn't feel good anymore. Chances were it was just becoming painful for him. He added another finger, and then a third as he found Phil's prostate. Dan pulled off his cock just enough to speak again. "Do what you have to to cum. Fuck my mouth, Phil," Dan gasped, hoping his words might encourage Phil's orgasm. He bobbed his head roughly as he waited for Phil to take control. Dan hummed and rammed his fingers harder against that bundle of nerves as he waited.

Phil moaned, eyes closing in pleasure at hearing Dan speak like that, but he shook his head. "Can't," he whined, wishing so badly that he had the strength to fuck Dan's mouth, but he didn't. He hardly had the strength to bite hard enough into his arm it hid his cries, but he did finally reach down to place his hand on top of Dan's head, holding his hair as tightly as he could - which was to say, so loosely, Phil didn't think Dan could even feel it. He groaned as Dan's fingers pressed deeper inside of him, pressing his cum up against Phil's prostate as he rammed and massaged his fingers against the bundle of nerves. It was at that point that Phil felt himself starting to go into a daze, his mind blissfully blank as he let himself go. The pleasure hurt so bad that he couldn't focus anymore, and he just let himself loll as he waited for it be over, mind too fuzzy to think, and face going numb.

Dan was taking Phil as far as he could as he rammed his fingers harder. His nose stayed mostly placed in curly hair as he forced himself to take Phil to the base. It was unnerving how hard it was for Phil to come, but Dan was working him the best he could, feeling it as Phil’s hand landed softly on his head and his body seemed to go slack, and yet he still didn’t seem to come. Dan’s eyes closed, and he sucked around Phil until his jaw was sore, and then he sucked some more, pressing into Phil and knowing, for sure, that he’d long since crossed territory into overstimulation, and yet he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop because he still loved Phil, and he wasn’t going to leave him like this. And then he felt Phil let go, and he knew it was over. Dan didn’t stop though, he continued to work Phil through the high, not pulling off until he knew that Phil was alright and sated. He swallowed everything, lapping at the tip of Phil’s cock afterwards, and savoring the taste of him.

When Phil finally came, it was like the world had ended. His hips arched, and he could feel himself pushing his cock further into Dan's mouth, knew that he was forcing Dan to take all of him and swallow it down, but his mouth was pursed in a small "o" around his arm, and he couldn't find the breath to speak. The orgasm punched through him, and it hurt so much that when Phil was finally able to speak, he could only cry out, the sound sharp in the quiet of the room. His hand tightened in Dan's hair, and he trembled as Dan slowly started to let him go. "Da-!" he tried to shout, as the pleasure coursed through him, slamming into him at every possible pulse point. The pain was making way for pleasure now, and Phil's hips spasmed on their own. Dan's tongue grazed the tip of his cock, and Phil cried out again, feeling a second orgasm seemingly take him almost immediately, and he couldn't stop it then - tears were dripping down his face, and he was almost certain that Dan hated him. Dan had taken care of him, but Dan hadn't been the way he used to be. There was a rift that Phil had created, and it was destroying him. The words were on the tip of his tongue, and as the orgasm rushed through him for a second time, he said them. "I love you!" It wasn't his fault that the words ended on a choked sob, and it wasn't his fault that the second orgasm hurt worse than the first, so really, it was no surprise to him when his world went black. All he knew was that some part of his body was finally relieved.

The words took everything from Dan. They made his world spin, his stomach churn, and his mind practically crash and burn. Was Phil telling the truth, or was it just his orgasm that made him say something he didn’t mean? Dan didn’t know for sure, and he didn’t have time to process any of it because Phil was passing out. He jumped up and grabbed onto him before he could fall. Dan supported Phil’s weight, managing to get him seated in his office chair. He hurried to get the other’s clothes sorted out again before tucking himself back into his pants. “Phil?” Dan asked carefully as he nudged him gently. He ran a hand down his face, pushing away the damp strands of hair that had fallen there. His heart was racing, and all he could think about was the words Phil had spoken, and whether or not they were true.

There was something blissful about being knocked out after an experience like that. Phil was floating, and for the first time in the last week, he felt like he was actually getting some rest. How many nights had he woken so hard and achy he'd been forced to spend upwards of an hour trying to jerk off? And when he finally had finished, his cock had still hurt, and his body had been spent, but he wasn't able to sleep. He'd drifted out of proper sleep hours at a time, until the days had began to get mixed up with the nights. Some part of Phil could hear Dan calling him, knew what he'd said before he'd passed out, imagined that Dan wanted to talk, but Phil couldn't. This was the first time he'd been relaxed in a week. So he didn't wake up. He let himself drift again, and let go.

When Phil refused to be woken up, Dan wasn’t sure what he was meant to do. He had so many questions, so many things he needed to say. He couldn’t say anything though because Phil was sleeping heavy in his chair now. Dan still didn’t feel right about waking him up after that. He looked wrecked, not to mention exhausted, and suddenly Dan was wondering if he’d been sleeping at all. Dan sighed before grabbing his laptop and moving to another chair in the room. He’d give Phil some time before waking him up, no matter the thoughts thrumming through his head, the questions making his stomach queasy. He opened his computer and to no surprise, he couldn’t get a thing done. Phil’s words kept running through his head.

When Phil did eventually wake up, he could tell it had gone dark. The windows in Dan's office were no longer letting light in, and Dan had never bothered to get up and turn on the room light. Phil didn't know what time it was, but if it weren't for the laptop screen making a shadow out of Dan's form on the other side of the desk he was sat behind, Phil would have thought Dan had left him there. He blinked back tears and hung his head when he realized that Dan had stayed, unsure what to do from there. Was he in Dan's office chair? The same one he'd attempted to fuck Dan on? He looked around the room while his eyes adjusted to find Dan's desk in front of him, still cleared of all its items, and realized that yes, that was exactly where he was. When he tried to move, he found that his muscles were still too weak, and moaned softly. He knew he'd gotten Dan's attention when his head whipped to the side to take in Phil's form, still spent against the chair Dan had put him in. "Should have just left me on the ground. Probably deserve it," Phil muttered, blinking back more tears and exhaustion as he glanced into his lap. Dan had re-dressed him, too. Always his gentle Dan.

Dan had thought he’d wake Phil up in an hour or so, but an hour quickly turned into two and then three. Eventually the sun had gone down and Dan still hadn’t managed to work up the nerve. He was more than content on just watching Phil. He took in every angle of his face and let himself commit his peaceful expression to memory. Yes. Watching was easier than talking. What was he going to say when he did have Phil’s attention, when they were forced to communicate? He sighed softly before returning his attention back to his computer. The quietness didn’t last for much longer though. The sound of shifting and a low moan caught Dan’s attention. His eyes snapped up to find that Phil was in fact waking back up. He scoffed, shutting the lid on his laptop. “You know I’m not that heartless,” he started, clapping twice to turn the lights in the office on.

Phil nodded his head. "I know," he agreed softly, trying to keep holding himself together. He hadn't even taken the chance earlier to really take in Dan's appearance, he'd been too busy trying to have his way with him, and eventually gain relief by having sex with him, to ever really try and decipher the emotions he might be feeling to see Phil had come back. But now, Phil was blinking in the newly lit room and taking him in; Dan's face was filled with confusion and exhaustion, but Phil could also see the dark circles under his eyes that Dan hadn't even bothered to hide like Phil had. "I'm sorry," he said, because he didn't know what else /to/ say, and he didn't know if bringing up what he'd said earlier was a good idea or not. Was he meant to pretend it hadn’t happened? He didn't know what was going to happen now.

Dan ran a hand over his face as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say. “I don’t understand,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “You walked out without saying anything. All I got was a shitty note that said you were sorry,” Dan mumbled as his frown deepened. “I don’t understand what happened. Whatever it was though, you could have addressed it with me. I could have…I don’t know, I could have tried to sort it out. Or at the very least, I would have understood why you left. And then you come walking right back in like it's no big deal,” Dan was doing everything he could to keep his voice from breaking. “Am I just someone you can get off with and then leave again?”

Dan's voice was so harsh. Phil couldn't blame him, obviously, but every word hurt like a sword being stabbed through his heart. He closed his eyes as they filled with fresh tears, and sniffled, wincing when Dan cursed, wincing again when Dan accused him of using him, and gasping in a breath as he tried to find his own words. He could hear in Dan's voice how hurt he was, and that terrified Phil. Everything right then was terrifying Phil, and Dan hadn't even addressed the elephant in the room. Phil had the perfect story in place, the perfect lie, the perfect explanation to make Dan believe that Phil had left because he'd been afraid after he broke his promise to Dan - but some part of Phil was desperate not to lie. Dan had been so upset when Phil had offered him the choice to use a condom. How much more upset would he be if Phil made it worse by lying? "Dan," he managed to choke out, shaking his head. "No. I can't just - I'm not - I can't leave you," he managed to get out, opening his eyes as the tears dripped down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I just - I'm sorry I just left, and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I didn't - I didn't want to hurt you, /fuck/ Dan," Phil moaned, managing to straighten up in the chair as he tried to catch his breath. He whimpered when he looked up at Dan to see just how hurt he actually was. "I shouldn't have - I was just so scared, but I swear Dan, I didn't come back just to /use/ you," he begged.

Dan didn’t know if it was his profession or his feelings for Phil, but he believed him when he said he hadn’t meant to hurt him and Phil had no intentions of using him. That didn’t mean he /hadn’t/ hurt him though. Judging from today, Dan didn’t doubt that Phil had been hurting just as much though. Maybe not in all the same ways Dan was, but hurting none the less. “What makes me different, Phil?” Dan asked quietly. “Why did you come back?” He didn’t know how to address what Phil had said earlier. He was worried that it might just end up pushing Phil further away, and now that he had Phil back, that was the last thing he wanted to do. “I thought…even if you…why did you leave me? I thought you were happy.”

Phil didn't know how to answer that. Well, he did, but he didn't know if he /should./ Even now, when Phil wanted Dan to forgive him, trust him, more than anything, he didn't know if he should show his hand again. He didn't know if Dan wanted to hear it again. "I came back because - because I couldn't /be/ without you," he admitted quietly, stuttering over the words because he couldn't find the right answer. He was frustrated, and upset, and most of all afraid. "I - for a week, I just...I tried so hard to stay away. I was running away from you, okay? Because you're different. You just are," he finally stated, cutting Dan off before he could ask /how/ once again. "I was happy, more than happy, more than I thought I ever could be, and it - Dan, it scared me," he said, licking his lips and cringing when he tasted dried blood there, from when he'd bitten down earlier. He hung his head in shame.

Dan listened carefully to what Phil was saying. Still, the only reasons he was giving Dan were that he simply /couldn’t/ not be with Dan. He didn’t understand how happiness could be bad. He was aware of what had happened to Phil when he was younger, but still. Why couldn’t he take a chance on enjoying what they had? Why couldn’t Phil just let himself be happy with Dan? He got up and stepped around the desk until he was next to Phil. Without warning, he was taking Phil’s chin in his hands and tilting it up until he was forced to look at him. “Do you love me, Phil?” Dan asked quietly, scanning his face for a reaction. “Are you in love with me? Is that why you ran away from…all of this?” he asked, motioning between them.

Phil's heart rate sped up when Dan stood up, coming around the desk between them to step in front of Phil. He watched Dan cautiously, afraid but hopeful all at the same time. He wanted Dan back in his life so fucking bad he would do anything. It felt like electricity going through his veins when Dan reached out and gripped his chin, forcing him to look up at him, but there was absolute adrenaline in Phil when Dan asked him if he loved him, if that was why he'd run away. Phil was holding his breath, on the verge of hyperventilating or panicking or freaking out, and though he wanted to squeeze his eyes shut and run away, he kept them open, knowing both he and Dan were trying to read each other's face just then. Did he tell Dan the truth, and risk the consequences? He'd said it once already, knew Dan must have heard him, and yet, it was the most terrifying thing he'd ever been asked to do. His eyes flickered back and forth between either of Dan's. "Yes," he finally whispered, feeling the dampness of tears on his skin once again.

Dan moved his hand so that he could brush away the tears. The last thing he wanted was for Phil to cry when Dan didn’t think he’d ever been happier. He didn’t know if that meant Phil was going to stay or not, he didn’t know what it meant for them. All he knew was that he was not alone in his feelings. That he still had a chance. “I didn’t keep my promise,” Dan whispered as he ran his hand across Phil’s face. “Do you know how easy it is to fall in love with you?” he asked, his own eyes starting to sting some. For a while there, he’d thought Phil really couldn’t love. Then he’d thought Phil hated him. When he’d left, he’d left the biggest kind of hole in his chest. He was glad Phil had been wrong. “I don’t want to lose you, I never did. I would have kept you with me even if you never did love me.”

Phil was shaking as he waited for Dan to reply, but he kept his eyes open, even as they stung with tears. Dan's hand came up to tenderly wipe his tears away, and he gasped in a breath, biting his already raw lips to keep himself from crying out. Dan was speaking again, though, and Phil was trying his hardest to listen. He gasped as Dan admitted that he'd fallen for Phil too, and he finally reciprocated Dan's touch by cupping his cheeks with his own trembling hands. He wanted so badly to pull Dan into a kiss, terrified that Dan might be lying, but he was still talking, and every word out of his mouth cemented in Phil's heart just how much he loved Dan Howell. He didn't waste another second, even as he choked out another sob, and dragged Dan down towards him so he could kiss him properly for the first time in a week. This time, when their lips met, Dan opened up to him, kissing him sweetly back as Phil sucked at his bottom lip softly, crying and hiccoughing into the kiss. "Dan," he whimpered, one hand moving from his cheek to twist into soft brown locks. He didn't have any other words. He just wanted to be connected to Dan always, to never let him go.

Dan was quick to return the kiss. Even quicker to wrap his arms around Phil and pull him close. He wanted to comfort him in any way he knew how. More than that though, he wanted to promise Phil that it was okay. That he wouldn’t hurt him or use him. He’d never betray that trust, he’d never forget to adore Phil completely. He ran his hands up and down the other’s back soothingly as he ran his tongue over Phil’s lips. He kept them close so that their chests were pressed against each other. Eventually though, he pulled away so that he could rest his forehead against Phil’s. “I want you to come home. I don’t care if you were with someone else while you were gone, and we don’t even have to talk about it. I just…I’ve been miserable this week without you.” Dan whispered. They’d get tested again. He didn’t care what they had to do. He’d take care of it. As long as it meant Phil would come back. It hurt to know that Phil had been with someone else, he could manage though. He understood that with Phil, it really was just sex.

It felt wonderful to be pulled out of Dan's office chair and into his arms, and even more wonderful to have his chest pressed up against Dan's. It felt like coming home, and Phil had never had a home in a person before. In a lot of ways, Phil had felt for a long time like he didn't have a home at all. Dan, though. Dan was...everything. Phil wanted to protest when Dan pulled back from the kiss, but his hands were still smoothing warm circles against Phil's back, and his hold was still so strong, and he had his forehead pressed to Phil's. How could he complain when Dan was stood there making him feel completely safe? His heart soared to have Dan call his flat /home/ with full connotation that he considered it Phil's home just as much his, and he nodded, even as he thought of Martin and Cornelia, who he hadn't bothered to inform he was going out today. They'd be worried about him. His thoughts were derailed, however, at the realization that Dan still didn’t know, that Phil hadn’t been with anyone else since he’d left Dan a week ago. Phil closed his eyes. "I - Dan I was never - I didn't - that's why it was so hard to come," he tried to explain. Part of him was embarrassed, and the other part desperately didn't want to explain to Dan what he'd nearly done. "It's been a week, Dan," he muttered.

"What?" Dan asked as he moved to hold Phil at arms length. There was a strange mixture between relief and horror in his head at Phil’s implication. "You haven't been with...you didn't-for a week?" Dan asked in confusion. "But you offered me a condom and I thought you'd slept with someone else," Dan explained as he tried to make sense of everything. His heart broke in a way. Phil had gone from being taken care of twice a day, to nothing at all. At least when Phil was with Dan they both knew he’d have at least two orgasm’s a day. But now, Phil hadn't had any sex in a week. Dan pulled him into him again and rested his hand against the back of Phil's head. "Really, you really haven't?" Dan asked quietly, his voice shaking some.

Phil pouted as Dan pulled away from him, a look of horror and relief warring across his face as he questioned Phil. He'd much rather be in Dan's arms. His cheeks flushed, and he ducked his head, though, as Dan verbally tried to understand the miscommunication from earlier. He was relieved when Dan seemed to sense his embarrassment, drawing him back in with one big, warm hand on the back of Phil's head, comforting him as he pressed Phil's head against his shoulder. Phil's eyes filled with tears again as he heard the shaking in Dan's voice. Dan loved him. God, Phil hadn't let that sink in yet, but Dan loved him, and Phil - Phil had probably broken his heart all over again offering him that condom. "I only offered because I didn't want you to think - I just thought you would assume - I didn't think you'd trust me anymore. I didn't want to destroy any trust that might be left. I thought if I just offered, you might...be okay," Phil explained, sighing as he got the thoughts off his chest, finally. He squeezed his eyes shut as he continued. "I tried...Dan, I did try. I didn't want to, but I - it hurt so much, Dan, but I couldn't. It made me sick to have someone other than you touching me, /literally/ sick, and I didn't try again," he admitted, reaching up to bunch his hands in Dan's shirt, hoping he'd understand, and that Phil's honesty wouldn't break things between them all over again.

Dan wasn’t upset that Phil had tried. He was much too happy over the fact that he /couldn’t/, that Dan’s touch was the only one that felt right. That it was his hands, his kiss, his body that made Phil come undone, so much so that Phil couldn’t stand anyone else. He couldn’t be upset with Phil for trying to find relief somewhere else. What was he meant to do? “I love you,” Dan whispered, loving how it easy it was to say those words. It felt so good to be able to let this words fall now. Dan wouldn’t have stop himself anymore. “It wouldn’t have made a difference if you had, you know that right?” Dan whispered. He wouldn’t deny how good it felt to know that Phil hadn’t had sex with anyone else, but he also couldn’t let Phil think it would have changed how Dan felt about him.

Phil couldn't help shuddering as Dan officially, for the first time, properly whispered those three words to him. They were soft against the shell of his ear, and he choked out a laugh as he smiled against Dan's shoulder. He opened his mouth to reply, but the wrongs words came out. "Me too," he ended up whispering back, the 'I love you' getting caught in his throat, and he prayed Dan would understand. How many years had it been since Phil had strung those words together? It had been easier, when he'd been blissed out and desperate to get Dan to care for him again, mid-orgasm, and just before he was going to pass out. Now, it felt like the words were stuck, no matter how much he meant them. He buried his face in Dan's shoulder harder as his lips quivered with a desire to cry again. "You know, even if I'd - if I had, it wouldn't have made a difference? I'd still - I'd still feel this way. I'd still - I'd still have come back," he tried to explain, wanting to give Dan the same reassurance Dan was trying to give him.

Dan wasn't put off by the fact that Phil couldn't say it right off the bat. It would take time. All that mattered to him was that Phil had said it. He knew that he meant it. There was that blind faith he always seemed to have in Phil. It felt so good to hold him again, even better to not have to hide around his words or pretend like he wasn't head over heels for him. "I'm glad, so glad you came back," Dan said softly. "It's been a horrible week," Dan mumbled as he pressed his face against Phil's hair. "Let's go home. I'm actually exhausted." He pressed a kiss to Phil's cheek. "And now is right about the time the janitor comes in and kicks me out."

Phil glowed as Dan pressed his face into Phil's hair, his voice so sincere, and not something Phil was used to. Of course he was accustomed to Dan being open and honest at all times, but this was different. This was different because Dan was...loving him. Phil thought his heart was going to explode. "For me, too," he agreed, closing his eyes again as Dan pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek. Phil loved it. He wanted all the affectionate touches and more, the cuddles he'd already had, the sex, everything. He wanted...everything. "Kicks you out?" Phil wondered, brows furrowing as Dan let him go for the first time in at least twenty minutes to grab his things. "Dan..." he whispered, realizing the time, and the fact that Dan had been doing everything he could to avoid going home. It made Phil feel...horrible. But he hesitated as Dan reached out for his hand, a hopeful smile on his face. "Actually, Dan. I uhm. I never told Martin or Cornelia that I was leaving today. They'll be worried," he admitted, "That I've gotten myself into trouble again." He chewed on his lip as he considered his next words. "And I'll need some things, if I want to come home. Would you - did you - would you like to meet my family?" he hedged, hoping that Dan would not only take him by his house, but come in with him as he grabbed a few things to get him by.

Dan wouldn’t deny being a bit taken back by the question. He’d never once thought he was going to meet Phil’s family. The thought made him nervous, but ready and determined at the same time. He thought back to what he knew about Phil’s parents. Since his parents were no longer there, he assumed that Martin and Cornelia were the people he needed to impress and win over. “Yeah, sure, of course!” Dan hurried to agree. “I would love to meet them. We can stop by your house and I’ll go in and meet them,” he added as his stomach twisted. There were all the emotions going through him; he was happy that Phil wanted him to go home with him, he was thrilled actually, but he was also scared that Phil’s family was actually going to hate him or something. That maybe they’d hate Dan so much they’d tell Phil that he couldn’t go with him. “Should we get going?” he asked softly, trying to ignore his nerves.

Phil had been trying to keep himself from wringing his hands nervously as he waited for Dan to answer, but he really wanted this. Martin had been bothering him for ages to meet Dan, and he knew after everything that had happened he owed it to his brother and his girlfriend to ease their minds and finally introduce them to each other, so when Dan agreed, actually sounding excited and determined, Phil flat out grinned. "Yeah. Yeah, I want to go home," Phil replied, taking Dan's hand hesitantly, and waiting for Dan to outright beam at him before ducking his head and letting Dan lead him out of his office and into the parking lot below. After reeling off his address for Dan, Phil settled back in the passenger seat, and let Dan take his hand again over the center console with a small smile of his own. It wasn't horribly late by the time they arrived at Phil’s family home, but Phil was still cautious as he led Dan to his front door by the grip they still had on each others hands. Carefully, he unlocked the front door. He wasn't sure what to expect, but considering he'd realized pretty quickly that’d he’d left his phone at home, and the fact that he hadn’t been able to call ahead in order to warn Martin and Cornelia that he was bringing Dan home, he had a feeling it was going to be a bit crazy. Seconds after walking through the front door and dragging Dan along in behind him, Cornelia popped her head 'round the corner. "Martin, he's back! And he's...brought someone with him," she shouted, her voice going from excited, to worried in seconds. Phil squeezed Dan's hand, noting how Cornelia glanced down and saw the contact, her smile almost immediately coming back. "Is this -?" The sound of heavy footsteps, and then his brothers voice cut her off. "Tell Phil if this guy can't immediately provide proof that he's clean of any diseases, there is no way in hell I'm allowing him to go upstairs with my brother. And then, he better use a condom, or I swear to God, I will rip his head off. I don't care if it's been a week!" Cornelia giggled, and Phil really couldn't help it as he laughed as well, turning to press his face into Dan's shoulder out of embarrassment.

Dan truly wished he could see the humor in the situation. Instead, he found himself becoming nervous all over again. Just hearing Martin’s voice made Dan sort of want to turn back around and leave, but he didn’t. Instead, he tightened his grip on Phil’s hand and pulled him in that little bit closer. Maybe he could pretend like he was offering Phil some kind of comfort. This was the first time that he’d actually loved someone, the first time he wanted to be with someone. Dan greatly wanted to impress this couple. All the other times he’d meet parents and family hadn’t been that big of a deal, mainly because Dan hadn’t cared if they’d like him or not. It was different now, though. Dan didn’t know what he’d do if Phil’s brother didn’t like him. Already he didn’t seem to be too pleased that Phil had brought someone home, though. “Phil, he wants to remove my face,” Dan whispered, leaning down in order to whisper into Phil’s ear.

Phil was surprised when Dan pulled him harder into his side, his fingers gripping harder to Phil's as they both waited for Martin to arrive in the room. It was Dan's words that made Phil's head snap up, though, and he snorted, unable to help it as he laughed at Dan. He had to shove his face harder against Dan's shoulder to hide the sound, not wanting to upset Dan too much, and then looked up at him. "No, he doesn't," he promised Dan. "He just wants to rip the face off of any stranger that tries to fuck me because I'm desperate," he admitted, hearing Cornelia choke behind him, sending her an apologetic look that she waved off. "It's true enough," she agreed, and Phil turned back to Dan again. "He just wants to protect me. But...I already know he likes you," he murmured, and then Martin was arriving in the room. Phil turned to him with a tentative smile, the glower slowly fading from Martin's face. "Martin, this is Dan, my...my Dan," he introduced, tossing Dan a confused look, because they really hadn't discussed what they were now. He only knew that, despite being terrified, he wanted Dan to be his everything. He hoped he'd conveyed that well enough, but he got the feeling he hadn't. "Oh thank fuck, it's just you," Martin stated, looking completely relieved.

Dan wasn’t so sure he believed Phil. He knew how older brothers were, he /was/ an older brother. Admittedly though, he wasn’t exactly chasing boys away from his own brother. Dan couldn’t remember when he’d been more nervous or uncomfortable. He liked to think he came off as charming, in reality he figured his charms were more along the lines of awkward and socially inept. Not only did he want to make a good impression, but he didn’t want Phil’s brother to go into some kind of rage and start yelling at him. All Dan wanted was for Martin to like him. He braced himself the moment the other came bounding down the stairs. He glanced back at Phil and tried to smile gently back. He was somewhat surprised when Martin seemed relieved to see him. “It’s nice to meet you,” Dan laughed nervously before holding his hand out.

Martin's expression was so relieved that Phil actually felt bad about having disappeared, but his brother quickly brightened up when Dan reached out to greet him. Phil watched as Martin moved forward to take Dan's hand and shake it. "I was about to ask if you two had made up, but judging by the giant hickey you left on my brother's throat, I'll take that as answer enough. Not that I blame you for wanting to stake a claim, but I'd really rather not see it if that's all the same to you. Still, it's wonderful to meet the man who helped my brother /and/ who brought us at least a hundred new clients for the zine, if not more. You're kind of a legend in our household," Martin explained, grinning all the while, and Phil could do nothing but flush in mortification. "Martin!" he hissed. "What, it's true? He is a legend. And considering you ran the fuck away from him, I think he has a right to be a bit possessive. I like him even more knowing he hasn’t whisked you away completely for three days without telling us. God knows he deserves to for putting up with your dumb ass." Phil would have been offended, but he knew his brother was mostly joking, and trying, in his own weird way, to convey his blessing to Dan. Martin turned back to Dan. "Really, though. Thank you for bringing him home. I know you probably just want to be with him right now. Also, ignore me, I'm just a bit peeved with this idiot. I've been telling him to go home all week!"

For a second, everything Martin was saying was a bit overwhelming. Dan wasn’t sure what he wanted to say first; maybe apologize for the hickey, or thank him for the compliments. Either way, Dan had reached a new level of discomfort. Dan smiled brightly despite how tongue tied he suddenly felt. Martin was practically telling him he’d understood if Dan locked Phil up at home for three days doing God knows what. And then it sunk in. Phil’s brother had referred to Dan’s house as home for Phil. He too thought that Phil belonged there. His smile eased up some as he felt a genuine sense of happiness come back over him. “It’s not a problem, I’m a ‘have ‘em back by nine’ kinda guy,” Dan joked before rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m just glad that he’s coming back home,” Dan said a bit more seriously.

"So he is going home?" Martin replied, his voice clearly excited. "I mean. I love my brother, and it's been great having him home, but. He belongs with you," Martin explained, and Phil could do nothing but turn his gaze down to his feet, squeezing Dan's fingers gently, and feeling ridiculously embarrassed but like Martin was saying nothing but truth. "I really want to thank you for everything you've done for my brother. And now that I've got you here, I'd like your help. I've been waiting for Phil to bring you home for two months for this. But first! Would you like to stay for dinner?" As Martin spoke, Phil looked up at him in confusion, unsure what in the world his brother could be talking about. He wanted to ask, but Martin was carefully ignoring him, and Cornelia had turned away completely. Phil was getting worried. "What do you need his help with?" he blurted out, but Martin ignored him.

Dan felt his own face flush some as Martin explained that Phil’s place was with him. Dan couldn’t have agreed more. Dan needed Phil there just as much as Phil needed to be there though. Without him, Dan’s flat didn’t feel like home. Dan could hardly get by without having Phil there with him. For the first time in a week, Dan felt like he wasn’t about to go back to some empty cold penthouse apartment. However, he didn’t have much time to dwell on that before Martin was going on about how he needed Dan’s help. He raised an eyebrow, but hurried to agree to dinner. “Yeah, sure, of course!” Dan said nodding. He wanted to know just what Martin needed help with as well though. He glanced back at Phil before giving him a look of question.

Phil shook his head as Dan turned to him. "Martin. What do you need his help with?" Phil asked, starting to get a little frustrated and concerned. "Nothing, little brother. You'll hear soon enough " he said, but his tone was evasive and...guilty. Phil narrowed his eyes. "Martin," he snapped, but his brother ignored him again. "In the event that you actually came home, Cornelia made lasagna. Come on, I want to get to know Dan," he insisted, and then he was dragging Cornelia into the kitchen with him. Phil had no option but to follow, though he did turn to Dan first. "Sorry, I - I have no idea what's gotten into him," he explained, biting his bottom lip and fully expecting Dan to question him on all the things Martin had said. It had to have come as a surprise to Dan who hadn't even known that Phil was in love with him, or that Martin had been waiting to meet him.

Dan shrugged before sending Phil another easy smile. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I doubt it’s something serious or anything like that,” Dan said softly. “It's fine, I’m just hoping it’ll be something I can help with.” Dan didn’t see himself turning Martin down for anything. “I wish I’d known he’d wanted to meet me sooner though,” he laughed teasingly. It was a bit of a shock really. Dan had almost let himself believe that Phil really couldn’t love him. That there wouldn’t be any hope at all. Maybe Phil had been on the verge of loving him all along. He wanted to know how long had it been since Phil knew. He didn’t question it though. There would be plenty of time to find out everything he wanted to know.

Phil ducked his head again. "I might have been...intentionally keeping you two apart," Phil admitted awkwardly. He sighed. "Clearly, that didn't work. But. I'm kind of glad," he admitted. Because he wanted to piss Martin off a little bit, Phil lingered longer by grabbing hold of Dan's shirt collar and dragging him in so their faces were close. "Dan, I - I uhm. Well, you know," he ended up grunting, frustrated with himself when the words wouldn't come out. "And...Martin's right. I couldn't stay away because - my place is with you," he whispered, before finally leaning in to press his lips to Dan's properly.

Those were the best words Dan had ever heard. It was amazing how all the hurt and sadness he’d held onto over the last week had vanished. Phil was the only one who could fix his heart like he did. Dan pressed his lips back softly before pulling away and smiling at Phil. “Right by my side,” he whispered just low enough for the other to hear. “I can’t remember what my life was like without you, but I don’t ever want to be reminded,” Dan sighed. Phil had come along and changed everything. Dan hadn’t realized just how perfect things could be.

Phil's eyes remained closed even when Dan pulled away from the kiss, and he couldn't stop the smile when Dan reassured him that he didn't ever want Phil gone again. "I guess we still have some things to talk about, don't we?" he murmured quietly, realizing they hadn't really dealt with what had happened or Phil's insecurities when it came to this whole thing. He wanted to be with Dan, though. He couldn't run anymore. He loved him. Now if only he could get those words out of his mouth. "Dan..." he whispered, and leaned closer for a second kiss, Martin be damned.

Dan didn’t stop himself from returning the kiss. They did have a lot things to talk about, but for the moment, all he really wanted to do was enjoy Phil. When they got home they could sort out their thoughts, some place that wasn’t Martin and his girlfriend’s living room. Dan sighed into the kiss before finally pulling away again. “I think they’re waiting for us,” Dan whispered softly. He didn’t exactly want Martin wondering what was taking so long and coming to check in on them, after all.

Phil sighed as Dan pulled away just to remind Phil that his family was waiting, but nodded anyway. "Yeah. Okay, fine. Let's go find out what Martin wants," Phil agreed, though he didn't really want to. He really had wanted to come home, but it sucked that Martin was holding them up. He understood, he supposed. Taking Dan's hand, Phil finally led Dan into the kitchen with him where Martin and Cornelia had already set the table and served their meal. Cornelia motioned for them to sit across from them, so Phil led Dan to their seats and got comfortable. "So, Phil said you were in law. What’s that like?" Martin asked, already pushing the questions.

Even though Dan was somewhat eager to leave, the lasagna Cornelia made smelled wonderful. “It looks great.” Dan smiled as he took his seat next to Phil. It wasn’t long though before Martin was making conversation. “I enjoy it,” Dan said without any hesitation. “I like what I do for the most part. I guess I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t like it though,” he laughed lightly before taking a second to compose his next thought. “It’s got its bad points of course, and it makes for a long day.” Dan didn’t mention how he wasn’t always thrilled with the people he worked with. He figured that was true with any job.

Phil didn't waste any time digging into his dinner, feeling ever so slightly guilty for ditching Dan completely to his brother’s interrogation for /food/, but this would be the first meal he'd enjoyed all week, considering he hadn’t been able to focus on taste when he was so needy and distracted by his need to come. The first bite was as heavenly as Phil had imagined it would be, and after sating the desperate need to just enjoy his food for once, Phil eventually tunned back into Dan's conversation with Martin. "Of course. I imagine legal work can be boring, and also emotional," Martin was quick to agree. "I know I could never do it," he added, laughing, and just like that, the atmosphere became relaxed as Martin and Dan spoke back and forth about nonsensical things, allowing them to open up to each other. Phil could see that Dan was growing less and less nervous, more relaxed and happy, which made Phil happy as well. He couldn't help the way he kept tossing glances at Dan, finding excuses to touch him. "You guys are gross," Martin teased at one point, and Phil stuck his tongue out at him. "As if you and Cornelia aren't just as bad," Phil disagreed. They continued on in that vein, with Phil enjoying the sound of Dan's laughter and watching as Martins face became more and more pleased. Finally, they finished dinner, and Phil had nearly forgotten about Martin wanting help until he offered to help Cornelia with the dishes and Martin stopped him. "You can get to them later. I wanted to talk about something as a family," he stated. Phil tensed, looking up at Martin with trepidation.

After a while, the conversation become easier and Dan finally started to relax some. However he hadn’t forgotten about what Martin had said earlier about needing some kind of help. He kept waiting for it come up, but they’d finished their meal and he still hadn’t brought it up. Just when Phil offered to go do the dishes, however, Martin finally mentioned it again. Dan sat up a little straighter as he listened intently to what was being said. He hated to think it was going to be something negative. He didn’t know though. He kept trying to think of what it could possibly be, but nothing came to mind.

Phil watched as Cornelia slowly moved closer to Martin, and then reached across the table for Phil's hand, her smile soft and heartfelt, but sad. That's when Phil started to get a bad feeling about whatever Martin was about to say, and he tightened his grasp around Cornelia's fingers. "Martin?" he asked, reaching out to take Dan's hand as well. This had to do with him. He knew it. He knew it before Martin even opened his mouth, because Martin and Cornelia were both looking at him sadly. "Martin, just say it!" he demanded, feeling Dan squeeze his fingers in an attempt to calm him down. He took a deep breath, still waiting. "We want to get you help, Phil," Martin finally murmured, his voice low and soothing, and Phil knew what he was doing. He pulled his hand out of Cornelia's, feeling betrayed. "I don't - I don't need help," Phil tried to say, but Martin shook his head and Cornelia piped up then. "We've been waiting a while, now. Sending you to the agency was the best thing we could have done for you before. You didn't want help. But Phil...you have Dan now. You have someone to help you. And we want to help you too. It's not healthy, what you go through. This last week has been hard on us, seeing you struggle like that," she said, her voice as sweet as it always was, but Phil was still shaking his head. He knew what they wanted. They wanted him to get help for his addiction, and while deep down Phil knew it was something he needed, the thought of it was more terrifying than loving Dan. "I - Dan, he takes care of me. I'm fine," Phil insisted, starting to sweat now. Martin spoke up then. "But what happens if he has to go on a business trip and you can't go with him? What if he visits family, and you don't want to go? What if he goes on vacation, what if /anything/ Phil? You can barely make it through a day. Dan?" Martin turned to Dan, then, and Phil turned to him too, his eyes wide and terrified as he waited for Dan to jump in.

An actual intervention. Dan felt as shocked as Phil looked. Wasn’t there like a rule of thumb, one where you had to let everyone know there was going be an intervention beforehand? All parties involved in said intervention shall be notified three days in advance, or something, because that would be the least amount of time Dan would need to prepare for this. He had nothing, no profound words or methods of encouragement. Sometimes, Dan struggled to find the words he wanted to use in everyday sentences. This was beyond overwhelming. But Phil was gripping his hand, his eyes were large and he looked so terrified. Dan’s mouth had gone dry. He hurried to take a sip of his water before forcing himself to swallow. “I have no idea what it’s like for you. I don’t have an addiction. I can’t pretend like I understand how you’re feeling,” Dan started softly. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I don’t think you’re happy like this though. You’ve helped me get through so much already. I would jump at the chance to help you get through this. I’m going to be there for you, you won’t be doing it alone.” Dan laced their fingers together in an attempt to comfort Phil. “In a sense…I do think it’s destructive. I don’t want anything to hold you back from whatever it is that you want to do. Having an addiction, no matter what kind, keeps you from being everything you can be. I love you. If you’re willing to seek some professional help, then I’ll do anything I can to make this as positive as possible for you. Of course…you have to want to.”

Phil turned wide eyes from Dan, to Martin and Cornelia. He hadn't exactly expected Dan to jump to his defense, but to hear Dan agreeing so wholeheartedly with them was like the straw that broke the camel's back. His mind was whirling, and he wasn't sure what he was meant to say or do. Martin saved him the trouble. "When you found Dan, Phil," he started slowly. "I knew things were going to be okay. You love him, don't you?" he asked softly. Phil didn't hesitate before nodding his head in the affirmative. The cat was out of the bag, now, it hardly mattered anymore. "I know you never want to hurt him, but Phil...you want things to work out, right?" Martin was trying to guilt trip him. Phil could hear it in his voice. He tried to let go of Dan's hand, but Dan wasn't letting him. Still, Phil stood, instantly enraged and offended. "Of course, not, but this - it hasn't caused any problems so far!" he insisted. "Don't tell me this is to keep Dan and I together -" he started, but Martin cut him off. "Phil, shut up. It hasn't been okay! How much of your time knowing each other did you spend thinking about how badly you needed to have sex again? How much time did you spend locked in your room, trying to convince yourself to wait for Dan to come home and help you, so you wouldn't have to find someone else? What if Dan has to stay late at work? This addiction has taken over your life, and I'm not going to let it ruin the best thing that's ever happened to you! When you found Dan, I was so happy my little brother was finally going to be happy, but - I also knew it would help you get help, because I knew, eventually, this addiction was going to get in the way. I'm not saying either of you doesn't enjoy the frequency of your sex lives, no, but what happens when Dan is gone and you accidentally cheat on him, Phil?" That's when Phil started crying. He hadn't considered that possibility. "But - I could have - I tried - I couldn't -" he tried to say, but Martin was shaking his head. "No, you couldn't this time, but what about next time, or the time after that? Aren't you tired of being ruled by your body's needs, Phil? We've all promised to help you. Nothing really has to change. We just want to help you stop needing sex so badly that you literally can't function until someone touches you. Let us help you, Phil. Let Dan help you. Let us make you better." Again, Phil turned to Dan, his cheeks wet for the third time that day. "Dan?" he asked in a small voice. "Dan, I - I -" his voice caught on the words again, and he hated it. He hated it so much. He just wanted to tell Dan he loved him. "What do I do?" he asked, begging Dan to help him.

Dan’s heart ached just knowing how upset Phil was becoming. That hadn’t been the intention of his words at all. Really, this whole thing hadn’t been Dan’s idea. He could see their point though. Everything Martin and Cornelia were saying was true. Dan didn’t want to lie and say it wasn’t. There would be so many benefits to Phil not /needing/ sex like he did. “I just want what’s best for you, I think help is a good thing,” Dan said gently as he rubbed his thumb over Phil’s knuckles. “We all want you to be happy… I’m not asking you to give up sex,” he clarified, hoping that it would ease some of Phil’s fears. “All I want is for you to talk to someone about this. I don’t want you to have… I don’t want sex to keep you from being or doing anything you want to,” Dan said softly, stumbling over his words some. “I promise I’m not going to let you do it alone.”

Martin jumped in again before Phil could really react to what Dan had said. "You can't let this interrupt your life anymore, Phil. Don't you want to be able to go out without a time limit on the next time you need to have sex?" he asked gently. Cornelia spoke up next. "You should be able to live your life without feeling like you'll die if you don't get off right now. We just want to help, Phil. We just want to make your life better." Phil sat back down then, his eyes still red and puffy as he cried, but he was clinging to the fact that Dan had promised to stick with him through this. Dan had promised he would be with Phil all the while. Dan had promised. "Okay..." he finally agreed, squeezing Dan's fingers tightly in his. "Okay, I'll - I'll get help," he agreed softly. He was sniffling as he turned back to look at Dan, who was smiling gently at Phil as he rubbed his thumb over Phil's knuckles soothingly. "We found you a group therapy to go to, to start with," Cornelia said then, reaching out to Phil. "The doctor promised they'll figure out what's best for you during the first session. You might go to personal therapy, and they have programs as well, for inpatients." Phil trembled at the very word. He didn't want to be taken away from Dan. "No! I… I want to go home at night," he begged biting his trembling bottom lip. Cornelia nodded slowly. "They'll have to decide what's best, Phil," she encouraged, but Phil shook his head, trembling.

“Don’t be scared,” Dan said gently as he leaned in to press a kiss to Phil’s lips, not worrying about what Martin or Cornelia’s reaction might be. His main concern was trying to keep Phil calm and provide some kind of comfort. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I’m sure everyone will work with you. They want to help you get better, we all do,” Dan explained softly. He didn’t want to push Phil in one direction, not when it was going to be like pulling teeth to get him to go at all. “We’ll take one step at time. Regardless of what happens you’ll always come home when it’s all said and done.”

Phil was too stunned by everything that was happening to react to Dan kissing him, but the motion still managed to calm him some. He watched Dan as he spoke to him softly, still so afraid and unsure, desperate to believe they wouldn't send him away when he'd finally found his home. "I - don't leave me," he begged quietly, gripping Dan's hand tighter. "No matter what?” he begged, needing the reassurance before he could agree to try anything. Cornelia and Martin were temporarily forgotten.

“Phil,” Dan said seriously as he made sure he had his full attention. “I’m not going to leave you; not now and not ever. You don’t have to worry about that. All you have to do is concentrate on whatever it takes for you to get better.” Dan placed his hand on Phil’s back, rubbing small circles as he continued to talk. “It doesn’t matter what we need to do, we’ll get through it. If you do check into the inpatient program, you know you’ll be coming home to me. I’ll be waiting for you.” Dan smiled gently once again. “I promise.” Dan knew this had been an ongoing addiction in Phil’s life. For years. He knew this was going to be difficult, but not impossible. He’d do whatever it took to help Phil. He’d make sure they got through it. It was worrying though. Even if he never dreamed of saying it, he didn’t want Phil to leave either. However, he wanted him to get well. That meant he couldn’t be selfish. Phil had a lot to work on. This had been his lifestyle for so long Dan doubted Phil could even comprehend the thought of change. It must have been terrifying. Sex played such a big part in his life.

Somehow, Dan had known exactly what Phil needed to hear. He'd just wanted to know that Dan wasn't going to give up on him, or get sick of waiting and find someone else. He didn't know what kind of program they might put him in, after all - it could be thirty days, sixty, unlimited until they said he was ready to leave. He could be gone for months, potentially without Dan even able to visit, and the thought of Dan not waiting at the other end was the most terrifying. With Dan touching him the way he was, however, Phil felt calmer, and he turned back to Martin and Cornelia. "Okay," he agreed again, voice soft. "I - I'll try, I promise. Just... It's not tonight, right? You aren't sending me away?" Cornelia looked horrified. "No, no, Phil. Group is on Sundays every week. You'll try it first, the doctor will help you come up with a treatment plan, and you'll go from there," she promised, while Phil bit his lip. He turned to Dan again. "You'll wait for me, no matter what?" he begged softly, waiting for Dan's soft nod, and then he finally nodded again. "Okay. I'll go." Phil didn’t bother waiting for his brother and Cornelia to say anything else before he was standing up and tugging on Dan’s hand, dishes forgotten. “I think we should go. I just need to grab some things to last me from upstairs, and uhm. Yeah,” Phil said lamely, tugging on Dan’s hand again to lead him upstairs and away from his plotting family. He sighed the minute his bedroom door closed silently behind him, and sniffled softly to himself as he grabbed an overnight bag and began throwing some clothes into it, not planning on taking much for now. Dan was silent behind him, for which Phil was grateful - at least until Phil was just about to snatch Dan’s jacket he could see just out of the corner of his eye from his bed, but Dan reached it before him.

Dan’s head was reeling, but probably not nearly as much as Phil’s was as they headed quickly up the stairs of Phil’s childhood home. Had Dan been thinking of anything other than the sudden intervention that had been sprung on them, he might have wanted to stop and explore where Phil had grown up, but as it was, he followed Phil quietly and watched as the man quickly packed away some clothing. It was Dan’s wandering eyes that caught sight of the jacket first though, and he tilted his head as he picked it up from Phil’s bed to look it over. "Hey, isn't this mine?" he asked, holding it up for Phil to see. "I was looking for this the other day." he mused, realized that it had, in fact, been missing since the night he’d gone out for drinks with Chris and PJ. How had it ended up in Phil’s home? He smirked lightly as he realized why it might be here.

Phil's face felt hot as he grabbed the fabric from Dan, bunching it up as he shoved it into his bag. "Yeah. Uh. Your friend brought it by. I must have accidentally stuffed it in with my stuff," Phil claimed. "When I was packing," he said, turning back around as he grabbed some other things for himself to get through the next few days at Dan's flat. Their home. He couldn't help the grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth at that.

"If you say so," Dan teased. He somehow doubted that Phil had 'accidentally' packed his jacket. It was sweet though that Phil had needed something of Dan's to take with him. "I guess if that's everything you need for tonight, we can head back tomorrow and start bringing your things home," Dan said as he took a final glance of the room, half wishing they could take a moment for Dan to really have the chance to take it all in, but also anxious to get Phil home with him.

Phil blushed even harder as Dan avoided calling him out, all the while making it clear he knew what was up. Phil turned to him slowly. "It was hard to leave," he admitted, needing Dan to know. "So I stole your jacket," he continued quietly, and then nodded slowly. "I actually packed enough for a couple days. We can… go slow, if you want to wait to move me in?" he asked, ever cautious despite wanting nothing more than to live with Dan again. He bit his lip. "Until… I don't know, until you're ready for me to come back permanently."

Dan shook his head before reaching out and taking Phil’s hand with his. “I was ready for you to come back permanently the day you left. I don’t need time to know that this is what I want,” Dan said, pulling Phil a bit closer. “All I want is for you to be back so we can start living again. I want to be in a proper relationship with you, where I don’t worry about what lines I’m crossing or if I’m about to do something wrong. I want actual dates, to know I’m not lying to my parents when I talk about our relationship, to show you off to my friends...” Dan sighed before pressing their foreheads together. “Are you ready to do that?”

Phil's body was pliant under Dan's grip, and he moved with him as Dan drew them closer, gaze lowered as he waited for Dan to make a decision. He wanted to be with him so bad, to live with him, and go back to how things were. He was surprised and overwhelmed in a positive way this time when Dan told him everything he wanted to do with Phil, and he cautiously raised his gaze to meet Dan's eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. "You want to show me off to your friends?" he questioned, surprisingly giddy at the very thought. "Really?" he asked, his smile growing a tiny bit at a time as he waited for Dan to agree. He hadn't believed that Dan would want to be seen with him, despite admitting he loved Phil, and while Phil had been looking forward to Dan asking him to be in a real relationship with him, he'd only hoped to have the cuddles and the exclusivity and the hand holding. Some part of him had still assumed Dan would want to keep him as some deep dark secret. "You don't mind being with me in public?"

Dan rolled his eyes before pulling Phil in closer. “No, I want to keep you locked up in castle like a princess. Of course I want to be in public with you. I’m not ashamed of you, Phil. I never have been. I want everyone to see how happy I am. I want to show everyone my perfect boyfriend,” he said, giving Phil a more intense look now. “I’m ready to go home, I can’t wait to fall asleep with you tonight.” Dan pushed Phil’s hair away from his face and smiled softly back at him. “We’ll come and get the rest of your things tomorrow if you want.”

Phil couldn't help laughing, his heart beating faster as Dan called him his boyfriend. "Dan," he murmured. "I -" he tried to say, but the words caught in his throat again, and he sighed. "I want to be your boyfriend, too. I'm more than ready to be in a relationship with you, and to go home," he said, smiling widely at Dan as he took his hand. There was nothing more he wanted than to be with Dan. "With you, I'm willing to take any risk," he continued quietly. "I'm sorry I ran away - I wasn't...I wasn't ready," he admitted, and then nodded to Dan's last statement as he shrugged his overnight back up onto his shoulder. For a moment, the fact that he was meant to start seeking help for his addiction came back to him, but he shoved it away, not willing to dwell on that nightmare just yet. He wanted to enjoy his time with Dan for the next few days before he had to deal with the fact that he might be taken away for who knew how long. "Let's go home,” he said.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 22,123 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : abandonment issues, love-making, body worship, blowjobs, rimjobs, barebacking, riding, painful sex, dealing with addiction, discussions of cheating, major insecurity
> 
> Once again thanks to @phansdick for beta’ing this chapter. You’ve been the biggest help <3

After a quick goodbye, they left the Lester household to head back to Dan’s car, Dan’s head still spinning with the events of the evening. The last thing he’d been expecting at the beginning of the day had been to have Phil at his side again. While it had been all that he’d wanted since the day Phil had left, it still felt sort of dream like. There was a part of Dan that was still afraid that Phil would once again decide that this wasn’t what he wanted, but at the same time, Dan trusted Phil. He had since day one. This was no exception. If Phil said this was what he wanted, then Dan believed him. After all, Phil had left and come back, something he didn’t /have/ to do unless he’d wanted to. As soon as they arrived at Dan’s car, Dan was turning to offer Phil another small smile, unable to help the giddy feeling in his chest at the fact that he was /actually/ about to take Phil home with him again.

Phil sighed softly as he and Dan finally headed back to the parking lot, feeling relieved to be out from under his brother's watchful eye. Cornelia had promised to come by and take him to the group thing on Sunday, as if she was afraid Phil would convince Dan to let him stay home and pretend he went, but Phil shrugged it off and agreed. They were in the parking lot, then, and Phil honestly wanted nothing more than to climb into Dan's familiar car again, go home, and sleep with him. Well. Maybe he meant that in multiple ways. He could feel that need clawing at him again, but at least it wasn't as painful as it had been the past week. He glanced at Dan, only to find him smiling sweetly at him, and Phil's heart thudded hard in his chest. He felt dizzy with love for Dan, total affection, and he lowered his gaze shyly. "What?" he asked, as they came to a stop next to Dan's car.

“Just glad you’re here is all,” Dan finally said after a long moment. “I didn’t think you were coming back,” he sighed, pausing to run a hand through his hair. “You had made me scared,” Dan said, forcing out a laugh. “Don’t do that again,” he teased, not wanting to get too deep into everything he’d been feeling for the past week. Phil was there and that was all that mattered. In reality though, Dan didn’t know how he would cope if Phil did leave again. Even this whole in-patient thing had him worried. Phil might have been addicted to sex, but Dan was addicted to /Phil/. He didn’t want to face another day without Phil. It had already been too much.

Phil laughed, but he was partially nervous, terrified that he might do it again. "Would you take me back, if it happened?" he asked, voice quiet. "If I ran away, I mean," he wondered, not looking at Dan. "Not that I'm planning too! I just - I'm scared, Dan. This is...new to me, in a lot of ways," he admitted quietly. Was this the first test of their new found relationship? Phil making sure that Dan would understand he was still terrified of all of this, and willing to help? "Dan?" he asked, finally glancing up at him and biting his bottom lip. "I don't - I don't want to run from this anymore, but I can't - I can't promise not to. I can promise I'll always come back..." he added, hoping that would be enough.

“Phil…” Dan trailed off, unsure of how to answer that. How was he meant to just be alright with Phil taking off every time he got scared? This week had been miserable. It wasn’t that Dan didn’t understand, because he did; he knew this was a whole new world for Phil, a new way of life. He never expected it to be easy every minute of the day. If Dan was anything, it would be patient. That didn’t mean it wouldn’t break his heart all over again if Phil did leave again, though. “You have to tell me if you’re going to leave,” Dan started, hesitant, “Don’t leave me a note or a text message. You have to tell when you need space. I’ll understand and I’ll never stop you. I’m still going to love you no matter what. I’ll do anything you need me to, give you anything you ask for. Just...talk to me first. Communicate,” Dan said gently. “And don’t take all your things with you next time, I don’t want to haul them back and forth,” he joked, though hoping that Phil understood. He knew this would be scary sometimes, but you could never be brave if you weren’t scared sometimes. “You’ll always have a place to come back to,” he added in a soft whisper.

Phil had to consider that for a moment. He hadn't actually been expecting Dan to have a good solution to his fear, and wasn't that the dumbest thing? He stopped to look at Dan, staring into warm brown eyes, and realized he was being stupid. He had been stupid. Wouldn't it have been easier for him to confess to Dan, tell him that he was scared of loving someone again, and let them both work things out? The best part was, though, that Dan had promised Phil he'd always give Phil space if he asked for it. Without caring if anyone else saw, or how Dan would take it, Phil gripped his face in his hands and pulled him into a kiss, his lips moulding to Dan's sweetly. When he pulled away eventually, he pressed his forehead to Dan's. "Okay," he agreed, smiling. "Okay, yeah. I'll - I'll tell you. I'll at least try and make you understand," he promised. "I won't just leave. I won't just - I won't just run away. As long as you're always there for me." Phil didn't say it like a question, because he didn't mean it like a question. He meant it like a promise. He meant it like an agreement - if Dan proved to always be there for Phil, to always try and be understanding, then Phil would always come to him, always communicate with him. "I'll never just disappear again. I'll always make sure you know I'm coming back. I'll always make sure you're in the loop," he promised, and then kissed Dan again, sighing into the sweet contact and loving the fact that he could do that now without hiding behind some kind of ulterior motive. He wanted to stay in Dan's arms forever, be protected by him forever, and never get left behind.

“That’s all I ask for,” Dan whispered as he kept Phil close to him. As long as he had that, it would be enough for him. Knowing that Phil would at least talk to him before leaving was a massive relief. Dan pressed his face against Phil’s hair and inhaled. He’d missed that smell so much these last few days. “Let’s go home, I’m ready for bed,” Dan whispered, not yet finding it in himself to pull away. He already planned on taking tomorrow off. All he wanted was to stay in and enjoy every moment with the other.

It was the most wonderful feeling in the world to have Dan drag him into his arms, and Phil laughed as Dan asked once again to go home. It seemed that word kept popping up to remind Phil that Dan was taking him home, and that he still considered it home for Phil as well as him. "Please. I just want to be home with you. I've missed you," Phil admitted, sighing softly as he forcefully pulled away from Dan, though his own body revolted. "Come on," he demanded, grabbing Dan's hand and dragging him to Dan's car.

Dan couldn’t have been more pleased to climb into the driver’s side, Phil in the seat next to him. He was more than ready to sleep in. It felt like it had been a month since he slept past six, even though he knew a week was hardly a month. He started the engine and finally pulled out of the parking lot. The drive home wasn’t long. Somewhere along the way though, he managed to take Phil’s hand in his own.

Their fingers laced together over the center console again, and Phil would never get over the feeling of Dan needing to hold onto him. Both drives Dan had held Phil's hand, like he couldn't stand to no longer be touching him, and at the dinner table, Dan had taken his hand as often as he could. The thought still made Phil giddy, and he grinned the entire ride home. As soon as Dan had parked, Phil was climbing out of the car and rushing into Dan's building to take the lift to the top with Dan laughing behind him. It didn't take him long to catch up to Phil, as the lift was much too slow for him, and then they were climbing in together, with Phil feeling oddly surreal. This was real. He was going home. He took Dan's hand again easily, shifting his rucksack on his shoulder awkwardly as he nearly vibrated in place, anxious to get back inside the flat he'd long considered home.

Dan laughed as he chased Phil back into the building, catching his breath between laughter as they got into the lift together. He ran his thumb over Phil’s knuckles as he watched the lift chime through every floor, finally stopping once it reached the top. Dan led them out as he headed straight for his own flat. Or really, their flat now. “You’re probably going to need your key back,” Dan said, shifting through his keyring until he found the one he was looking for. He pulled it off and handed it back over to Phil. He unlocked the door with his own key and pushed it open. He sighed softly as he stepped inside. It felt good to be back.

It shouldn't have been such a surprise to Phil to have Dan give him his key back, and yet he still ended up pausing, even in his excitement to get back inside, when Dan pressed the cold metal into his hand. His fingers stroked over the metal, re-memorizing the feel, and then he grinned, finally following Dan inside his flat. Almost immediately, he dropped his bag, taking a few marveling steps into the room he'd thought he was never going to see again. His head swung slowly back and forth as he tried to take everything in, and then he let out a small noise of contentment as warm arms wrapped around his waist. He turned his head to find Dan smiling at him, holding him in his arms, and Phil could do nothing but grin. "I'm home," he whispered.

“Yeah, you are,” Dan whispered in agreement as he kept Phil close to him. “I couldn’t be happier to have you home,” Dan added before pressing kiss to the top of Phil’s head and nuzzling him gently. It felt like such a long time ago that he had had Phil in his arms, at home where he belonged. He didn’t ever want to let go again, not for any amount of time. “Should we go put your things up?” Dan wondered, knowing that Phil didn’t have much with him. A few days’ worth of clothes and that was about it. Still, it seemed like a good place to start. Tomorrow they could pick up everything else and get Phil situated again.

Phil shrugged, turning in Dan's arms. "I'd rather just stay with you," he admitted, leaning in closer and pressing his nose to Dan's neck. He felt Dan shiver under him, and grinned as his own arms came up to wrap around Dan. Slowly, he started walking them backwards with the vague sense of where Dan's bedroom was. Tomorrow, they could try out Phil's bedroom for the first time, since Phil had never allowed Dan to fuck him in there, but tonight, he wanted to be wrapped up in Dan's scent. "I can take care of my clothes tomorrow. Right now...I just....want....you..." he whispered slowly, pressing chaste but loving kisses to Dan's neck after every word. He wanted to try something tonight. He wanted...slow, and sensual. He wanted to know Dan loved him.

Dan tilted his head some to allow better access. Phil’s lips against his skin felt amazing. He let his eyes slip shut for a moment as he moved automatically. His hands trailed down Phil’s sides as he smiled gently again. Eventually though, he found himself slowly making his way through the bedroom door. “You have all of me,” Dan whispered before pressing his lips to Phil’s jaw, then to the corner of his mouth, and finally his lips. He was fully enjoying the gentle slowness of their movements. It was so different from their typical heated faster actions; not that he didn’t like those either. This though, was nice in a whole different away.

Phil sighed softly as Dan's mouth pressed lightly to his skin, teasing at the corner of his mouth the way Phil loved so much. He hadn't realized how much he enjoyed that gentle, special action. It made him feel like he mattered more than anything else could. "All mine," he whispered softly, loving that Dan had assured him he had all of him. His hands trailed up Dan's sides slowly, carefully, enjoying the small touches as Dan copied him until they were full on kissing gently, Dan's tongue pressing to his softly. "Dan," he said softly, walking backwards until he fell back on the bed, Dan coming with him.

Dan slowly crawled over Phil, connecting their lips once again. He understood enough to know that this wasn’t meant to be the usual sex they had. Phil clearly wanted tender and slow. “I want to make love to you,” Dan whispered against Phil’s lips. He didn’t think he’d ever said that before. Dan was sure that he’d never made love to anyone before. He’d fucked, he’d had sex, but this was something he’d never done before. Another wonderful first he wanted to share with Phil. He moved to run his hands down the other’s chest. “You’re so beautiful, do you know that? Let me take care of you, let me show you how perfect you are… how much I love you.”

Phil gasped against Dan's lips, feeling his heart flip, stop, and stutter against his chest as his words seeped in. Fuck, no one had ever offered that to Phil before. "Dan," he moaned, breath hitching as his fingers slipped up under Dan's shirt slowly. But Dan wasn't done talking. Dan wasn't done making Phil feel special. Dan wasn't done, and his words made Phil close his eyes as his breath hitched again. He felt like he was going to cry. No one had ever said any of those things to him before. He'd been called every variation of sexy, but never beautiful. He whimpered as Dan's hands caressed at his skin, and held back a soft cry. "Dan," he whispered again. "Please. I want - I want all of that. Please," he begged softly, sniffling as the emotion welled through him. "Oh God," he whined, arching his back. It didn't feel like Phil needed this anymore. It just felt like...he wanted it. He wanted Dan, and there was no ulterior motive to the desire. He just wanted to be connected to him, consumed by him, loved by him. "I-" he tried, and failed. He wanted to say it so badly, but it was hard. "Make love to me," he managed instead. "Take care of me."

Phil had always been able to make Dan hard with just his words alone. Tonight was no different. Hearing Phil agree made him want this even more. “I promise,” he whispered back, understanding exactly what the other meant. “I want to make you feel like you never have before,” he added gently as he started to slide his hands further up Phil’s shirt. “Sit up for me, baby?” he asked, moving just enough to give Phil some space to move. “I want this off, I want to touch, feel, kiss…taste, every inch of you,” Dan said as he pressed his lips against Phil’s neck once more. He wanted to worship Phil’s body, show him just how precious every inch of him was.

Phil sat up obediently, feeling like he was in a daze as Dan spoke to him, and moaned softly as Dan told him what he wanted to do. The very thought of it, of having Dan basically worshipping his body, made him ache as he lifted his arms to allow Dan to undress him. His eyes were half-lidded as he watched Dan, took in the softness of his features, recognized the love shining in his eyes. As Dan drew the shirt over his head, Phil leaned in to kiss him, his lips moving softly and slowly, in total contrast to how he usually moved. He wanted this to last. He wanted to feel everything. He didn't even care if he came. That wasn't what he needed just then. He just needed Dan all over him. "You're already making me feel like I never have before," Phil finally responded in a tiny whisper.

“I want you to feel good,” Dan whispered back as he slowly started to slide his fingers over Phil’s back. After a few long moments, he was pressing gentle kisses into Phil’s collarbone. He lapped at the smooth, pale skin, and left small, dark marks behind. Then he trailed his lips lower, dragging them over Phil’s nipples to give them the same attention. He rolled his tongue over them again and again before sucking them into his mouth. Once Dan was satisfied with that, he moved even lower. He pressed his lips all over Phil’s belly, kissing, licking, and sucking as he moved along. His tongue traced over Phil’s navel, dipping inside and nipping gently once again. Phil’s body was perfect, Dan couldn’t say it enough.

Dan's movements were so slow. His lips skated over Phil's skin, sucking soft marks into Phil's body that didn't hurt but which made him feel like he belonged. Dan nearly managed to touch every inch of Phil's chest with his lips with the way he moved across Phil's body. His back arched as Dan laved at his nipples, and his fingers curled against the skin of Dan's back where he'd grabbed hold of him lightly. He was panting lightly, eyes half lidded because he never wanted to stop looking at Dan and the way he touched him. Eventually, Dan's mouth moved to Phil's stomach, which he gave the same treatment as his chest. Phil moaned lowly as Dan nipped at his belly button, but didn't encourage Dan to hurry along, and Phil didn't want to him too. "You're - amazing," Phil whispered. His lips pouted out as Dan teased his fingers at Phil's waistband, but he still didn't rush Dan. Instead, he busied himself by getting Dan's shirt rucked up until it was against his neck and Dan was forced to pull away to take it off. Phil grinned, finally getting his hands on Dan's chest as well. Everything was so much better when Phil wasn't being spurred on by his own need to get off. He could fully appreciate every little detail of Dan's chest, and he flicked his thumbs over Dan's nipples gently. "Dan," he said, eyes fluttering, and his breathing uneven. "Dan you're - perfect."

Dan couldn’t lie, he was impressed with Phil’s patience. He wasn’t pushing or hurrying Dan at all. Instead, he really seemed to be taking everything in. The way Dan touched him, kissed him, nipped, and sucked at his skin... Dan couldn’t describe how happy it made him knowing that Phil was truly enjoying this. Eventually, his own shirt was off and his hands were back on the other’s waistband. Dan’s fingers worked at the button of Phil’s jeans before slowly tugging them down. At first, it was just enough that he could kiss right under Phil’s bellybutton, but he quickly found that he wanted more skin to give his attention to. Just as slowly as before, Dan slid Phil’s pants down past his thighs until he was pushing everything off. “So beautiful, Phil. You have no idea how gorgeous you are. I adore every inch of you.”

Phil moaned outright as Dan went back to speaking to him, and arched his back. He couldn't believe that Dan loved him so much. "Fuck," he cried out, Dan's hands skimming down his thighs as he pushed his clothes off of him. "Dan, God," he whined, leaning up to grab at Dan and pull him into a sweet kiss. Dan came willingly, and he nibbled at Phil's bottom lip as his hands pressed hotly to Phil's skin. "Wanna - wanna touch you too," he begged, fingers moving to caress Dan’s chest.

After he pulled away, Dan smiled softly at Phil. "Then touch me," he whispered, running his hands back down Phil's sides. "You can do anything you want, baby," he hummed. Dan stayed close, letting Phil's hands run over him. He hovered over him, his lips finally finding their way back to Phil's neck. He couldn't help that he loved the tender skin there. He loved the way it felt against his lips, between his teeth, in his mouth. Dan loved how Phil's pale skin would form into a reddish purplish bruise after so long. Then his lips were trailing up Phil's jaw, his tongue playing with his ear.

Phil wasn't sure why he /needed/ the permission that Dan had offered him, but he didn't feel comfortable touching Dan until Dan had told him he could. His hands pressed against Dan harder, exploring over his body, massaging over his sides, and gliding to his back again. Dan was so smooth under his hands, soft and wonderful. Phil could only tilt his head for Dan when he went after his neck, biting and sucking at the tender skin until Phil was moaning and clutching at Dan's back again. He huffed out a breathe when Dan's lips came after his ear, nibbling at it, and his hands finally trailed down to Dan's zipper so he could start pulling away his jeans. His knuckles brushed over Dan's bulge, and they both groaned lowly, Phil’s hips bucking up under Dan.

Even the smallest amount of contact had Dan’s breath hitching. His eyes slipped shut as he let himself focus on touching and kissing. His hands slid further down Phil’s body. He wanted to touch just as much as Phil seemed to. “I love you,” he whispered again. He knew he might be overusing the word, but it wasn’t as if he was expecting Phil to say it as easily as he could. All this time though he’d been watching what he said, being careful not to let those words slip. Now he could say them without fear of Phil leaving him. He didn’t have to be careful anymore, he didn’t /want/ to be careful anymore. “You’re just…” Dan trailed off as he opened his eyes to look at Phil. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, now wasn’t the time to try and explain things. “The best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

"Dan," Phil whimpered, unused to being told anything even remotely sweet the way Dan was talking to him. He'd never once been loved by anyone, never once been talked to the way Dan was talking to him, and the words made tears fill Phil's eyes again. "Fuck," he moaned. "Me too, Dan, all of it. Me too," he managed to whisper, choking on emotion as his heart swelled, and his hands pushed past the waistband of Dan's jeans, managing to start slipping them off. He carefully avoided Dan's cock, though, wanting so much more tonight. His hands glided over Dan's partially exposed thighs, and slipped around his body to press over his ass. His fingers toyed at the top of his boxers before slipping inside. "Want - all of you," he groaned.

"All of me," Dan whispered back as Phil slid his hands further down his boxers, not yet touching his throbbing cock though. Of course Dan didn’t even care. It felt amazing to have Phil's hands on him at all. His touch did things to Dan that he couldn't yet explain. "I'm yours," he promised before placing his lips against hot skin once again, allowing the other to get his feel of skin first. Dan groaned softly, everything felt almost too good. He felt his skin burn everywhere Phil's hands had currently been.

Phil whimpered again, not expecting Dan to respond like that, and pushed his hips up just because of the way Dan's words were affecting him. He pressed his hands down further, teasing his fingers over Dan's ass and fondling it before moving his hands around and bypassing Dan's cock completely once again. He moved to roll them both over, so he was on top of Dan now, and started pressing kisses against Dan's chest as his hands worked to completely undress Dan.

Dan gasped as Phil bypassed his cock again, choosing instead to flip their positions. Now Dan found his back pressed against the mattress, Phil's fingers skillfully working him out of his clothes. Dan wanted so badly to buck up into the other, to force their hips together so he could rut into them. Dan controlled himself though. He already had his mind made up. Dan wanted slow, sensual, loving, and gentle. He wouldn't accept anything less than that tonight. In some ways, it felt like he was losing his virginity to Phil all over again. This was a new kind of intimacy, one where their feelings were all laid out on the table. Where they weren't rushing to get each other off, or doing it purely for the pleasure. This was about so much more than that. Dan wanted Phil to know that he would give every part of himself to him.

Dan looked so beautiful sprawled out for Phil like that, patiently waiting for him to get his fill, and Phil fully intended to. He wanted to touch all of Dan while he had the chance, the possibility of being taken from him looming in his mind. What if they took him away for months on end? What if Dan moved on? Phil was so terrified of all of the possibilities, of giving up his heart again, but he didn't want to run away this time. He wanted to cling on for dear life instead, and that was what he was going to do. He felt like he was burying himself inside of Dan, climbing into his skin as he pressed kisses all down his chest the way Dan had done for him, moving to his thighs and caressing them softly as he watched Dan's cock twitch against his belly, freed and unconstrained. Dan didn't push him for attention, though. Dan lied still for him, making small noises of appreciation as Phil explored his body completely. His mouth came down to his favorite spot, and he pressed kisses into Dan's thighs like he had the first time, only this time, his mouth was gentle as he sucked the hickeys there, and his hands played with Dan's balls softly, in a way meant for him and him alone, to enjoy every part of Dan as best he could while he still could. He wanted to explore and memorize all of Dan, love him the way Dan was loving him, and show Dan just how much he felt for him despite his inability to speak the words.

Dan forced himself to keep his eyes open as he watched Phil. Eventually though, they slipped closed as he got lost in the pleasure of the other’s lips against his skin. Phil hadn’t even touched him, but Dan’s skin buzzed already and he needed more. He didn’t care if it was Phil just rubbing his cock up and down against his own, at this point. The sensation of Phil fondling his balls around his fingers, even just the small hickeys he was leaving on his thighs were driving Dan insane. “Phil,” Dan breathed as he pulled his lower lip between this teeth. “You feel so good, just your hands and your mouth,” he mumbled before arching his hips some some. He hadn’t known he could love this slow pace so much. It was different than anything he’d ever done before. It really was perfect.

Phil was flushed with need, now, and his hands finally slowly moved to encircle Dan's cock, taking his girth slowly as he pressed his fingers around the hot flesh. He moaned softly, burying his nose against Dan's soft thighs and stroking over his cock softly. The feel of it was wonderful in his hands, and he'd never had the pleasure of savoring someone like this before. "Dan," he moaned, digging his teeth into his thigh slightly. His hands teased at Dan's cock, making slow work of pleasuring him, and Phil shifted up so he was sat between Dan's legs. His button and zip were undone, but he was still half dressed, and part of him just wanted to stay in this moment forever. As his fingers worked at Dan, he moved over him to kiss him, licking into his mouth softly and pressing against Dan as best he could.

Dan exhaled slowly as he felt Phil’s teeth against his thigh and his hand around his cock. It was so slow, and while Dan loved it immensely, he couldn’t help his need for more. He deepened the kiss a bit, tilting his head just enough. He stayed like that for a little while more until he just had to pull away. “I want to feel your mouth around me,” he whispered, his breathing labored now. He ran his fingers gently through Phil’s hair, not pushing or urging him on. Dan just wanted to feel the soft locks under his fingers. He knew that Phil would take care of him. He’d proved that time and time again.

Dan was breathing heavily, and Phil could see his chest heaving. /He/ had done that to Dan. /He/ had made him pant for more. /He/ had brought the flush to his cheeks, and now that Dan was asking, Phil wanted nothing more than to taste him on his tongue. "Yes," he agreed. "Anything, Dan, let me - let me - wanna show you how I feel," he begged, closing his eyes as Dan's fingers combed gently through his hair. Dan's hands felt so good on him, and though Phil missed Dan loving his body, he wanted to love Dan's in return. He crawled down him, leaving kisses down over his chest for a second time, and didn't waste a beat before sinking his mouth over Dan's cock. He moaned gently in the back of his throat - Dan tasted so good, and Phil had missed this. He bobbed his head slowly, flicking his tongue out and down and around Dan teasingly as he took him, trying to give him the sensations, but avoid making him come. His hand remained at the base of Dan's cock while the other moved to caress up Dan's chest, playing with his nipples softly.

It felt so good to have Phil’s lips around him again. To have his mouth covering his cock with wet heat. Dan knew he’d never get over the feeling. He moaned softly, his eyes falling shut this time. “So good,” he said, his voice breathy and shallow. He’d already lost the ability to make full sentences. It was probably better that way. All he’d be doing would be telling Phil again just how much he felt for him if he could speak. He could do that anytime he wanted now. Dan tangled his fingers further into Phil’s hair as he bobbed slowly up and down on his cock. He still couldn’t get over how slow and sensual the other was being.

Phil moaned as Dan's fingers carded through his hair again, and as much as he ached for Dan to pull, to force more for him, he also /didn't/ want that, because he didn't want to ruin the feeling in the air. He was so unused to be loved like this. He was so unused to gentle lovemaking. He didn't know what he was doing, he was only following Dan's lead as he slurped around Dan, eyes closing because it was just so nice to do something like this. He loved pleasuring Dan, and he loved the noises Dan made for him when Phil had his mouth wrapped around him. He tightened his grip, suckling at Dan deeply, but as soon as Dan's hips bucked up, Phil pulled off, moving his body to cover Dan's once again. His mouth came down on Dan's, and he whimpered into the kiss. "Need more, Dan. Touch me," he begged, wanting Dan to love his body again, and wanting them to get to the part where Dan truly made love to him.

Dan nodded slowly as Phil asked for more. “Will you get on your knees for me?” Dan asked softly, his hands rubbing against Phil’s backs slowly. “I want to taste you,” he whispered, the need to have his own mouth on Phil only increasing. “Ready to open you up for me.” Dan pressed another kiss to Phil’s lips as he waited. He could only imagine how good Phil would taste, and just how good the sight alone would be. He shivered, his hands finally finding Phil’s ass and massaging his fingers into the plump flesh.

Phil moaned, his eyes closing as Dan offered him something he'd literally never gotten before, opening his mouth to Dan when he kissed him again, but the kiss was short lived, and Phil could only nod his head frantically as he began to pant all over again. "Dan," he whined, starting to pull away, but moving back in as Dan's hands came down to play with his ass. He kissed Dan again, gasping into the sensation, and not really wanting to move, but willing to do anything for Dan, give him anything. He was desperate to have Dan be his first in multiple ways tonight. Shifting away from Dan, Phil turned and moved onto his hands and knees, spreading his legs lightly for Dan, desperate for attention as his cock began to throb.

“Beautiful,” Dan whispered again as Phil moved into a better position for him. He let himself admire the other for a moment before his hands were on him again. Dan touched as much skin as possible before he started to place kisses at Phil’s lower back, moving further downwards with each kiss. Finally, he was spreading Phil further apart for him and groaning. “All mine,” he whispered, knowing that the statement was completely true this time. He ran his tongue down Phil’s entrance a couple times before moving away to leave a couple marks against Phil’s flesh. Then his hand was moving to grasp Phil’s cock as his mouth once again moved to that tight pink hole.

Phil was panting as Dan moved to hover behind him, his hands and mouth coming down on Phil's back to caress him. He arched his back into the touch, enjoying the gentleness of Dan's hands, and shivered as Dan moved lower and lower. He wanted to tell Dan no one had ever done this for him before, but he couldn't catch his breath enough to do so. He moaned instead as Dan began speaking to him again, spreading his cheeks, claiming him, and outright bucked his hips when Dan's tongue swiped over him three times. He gasped, panting and biting at his bottom lip as Dan moved away teasingly, leaving hickeys against his pale skin instead. "Dan," he cried out as the man's hands grasped him, his breath hot against his entrance. "Oh God, Dan," he begged, shameless.

“Anything you want,” Dan said against Phil’s skin before he started to slowly pump Phil’s cock while his tongue worked at his entrance. Dan knew he was being slow, he hoped though that it wasn’t too slow for Phil’s liking. He licked roughly again a few times before he decided that he wanted to add his fingers. “Want to lick you open,” he mumbled before sliding a finger into his mouth, sucking a couple seconds, before carefully pushing it inside of Phil. “So good for me baby, I love it.”

Phil could only choke out another moan as Dan's hand began to pump him at the same time as he flicked his tongue out against Phil's entrance. His hips bucked without his permission as Dan began to work at him slowly, his tongue a hot, wet tease against his most private area, and he groaned as he worked to hold himself up, pressing his face into the bed spread underneath him. His eyes were squeezed closed as he tried to get used to the sensation of Dan's tongue down there, and he gasped when Dan's tongue first slipped inside him lightly. His body clenched down automatically, and he would have apologized if he could have. Instead, he worked to keep his hips still, even as Dan worked him in his two most erogenous zones. He was panting when Dan began moving his tongue more roughly, and whined when the contact stopped, but Dan was talking to him again, and his words rendered Phil useless. "Please," he begged, agreeing with Dan's intent, and huffed out a sound as Dan's finger slowly pressed into him. His eyes felt like they were rolling around in his head, and he didn't know what to do with himself as he strained to hold himself still. Struggling, Phil reached down and batted Dan's hand away from his cock, instead forcibly holding him, and breathed carefully as Dan spoke up again. "Always good for you," he whined. "Promise."

Dan quickly moved his hand away, understanding what Phil was trying to relay to him. Instead, he focused mainly on stretching and licking at Phil’s entrance. He recalled what Phil had done to him and what felt good and tried to use that information. He added another careful finger and started to pull them apart, loosening up the muscles inside of Phil before he knew he’d be able to really get his tongue inside. This is what he wanted, to lick inside of that tight hot hole. Eventually, he parted his fingers enough so that he could start lapping at Phil’s hole in just the right away. He groaned as he coated the other, his fingers keeping him open for Dan.

Dan's tongue was so hot against him. Phil had to hold himself back from writhing on the bed, but he couldn't hold back the breathy moans and soft panting that was escaping his lips each time the tip of Dan's tongue dipped into him. He had a pattern going, where he would lap at Phil's entrance, and then tease around his finger with the tip, eventually pushing it inside that tiny bit more that drove Phil crazy. He wanted Dan's tongue inside of him completely. He moaned lowly when Dan pressed another finger inside of him, quickly spreading them apart inside of him, and bucked his hips, wanting more so badly. He wanted Dan's mouth all over him, inside of him, tasting him and sucking at his rim - and then it happened. Dan spread his fingers apart, and suddenly, that hot wet muscle was inside of Phil, and he fell against the bed with the force of the sounds he was making. His ass was in the air, his cheeks smushed against the bed, but he couldn't even breathe, let alone fix the mess he'd become. He was too busy whimpering as Dan tongue fucked him, that muscle licking at his walls, slicking him up in the best way possible. His hips bucked uncontrollably backwards, until he was basically fucking Dan's face, and he cried out his name loudly. "Dan, Dan I - so good, please, don't stop," he begged, fingers tightening their hold on the bedspread underneath him. He was a legitimate mess, and he just wanted more. He'd never had this before. He'd never been touched like this before, cared for, and he never wanted it to end.

Dan wouldn’t dream of stopping at this point. Not when he’d finally managed to get the hang of stretching Phil enough to dip his tongue inside and lick at his inner walls. He was slurping and sucking and Phil was making the best sounds possible. It was thrilling in a whole new way. “I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you,” Dan muttered as he pulled away for a moment. Instead, he added a third finger and parted them little by little. Then his mouth was back on Phil’s entrance, licking and teasing as much as he could. He wanted more though, more of Phil. He pulled away and peppered Phil’s skin with kisses before whispering, “Let me go get the lube baby,” he hummed. He knew he could do more for Phil. He could make him so happy.

Soon enough, Dan had a third finger pressed alongside the others, and he was whispering soothing words to Phil that made him shiver and writhe against the bed. Dan's tongue was soon back to teasing him, but Phil had the terrible feeling that this wasn't going to last much longer. Dan's tongue felt so good inside of him, as well as his fingers which were still stretching and prepping him, but he knew Dan wanted to do this right. He knew he would stop to fuck Phil properly soon, and as good a thought as that was, Phil didn't want this wonderfully new experience to end. He whined when Dan pulled off of him to drop kisses all over his ass and back, but obediently let Dan go. "That - was my first," he gasped as he rolled over, feeling empty, but wanting Dan to return and hover over him, face to face, when all was said and done.

Phil’s words caught him off guard. First time? Dan crawled upwards, straddling Phil's hips as their eyes locked once again. “Nobody has ever…not even once?” Dan asked, more than a little confused. “Phil,” he whispered softly as he pressed a couple kisses to his collarbone. “I’m glad I was your first,” he sighed as he continued to press small tender kisses to every inch of skin he could. “I’m glad you let me do that,” he mumbled against pale perfect flesh. He couldn’t understand though why nobody would have wanted to please Phil, or watch him come undone and plead for more, to hear those sounds as they tasted him. No, Dan didn’t see how. Nobody would have the pleasure now, though. It was their loss and his gain. He’d be the only one to get to witness such an amazing sight ever again.

It felt so good to have Dan straddling him. Phil had missed this feeling so fucking much, and he hadn't even gotten to have it earlier, when Dan had taken him from the back in an angry rush. He sighed softly, watching as Dan's feelings flashed across his face until he settled on something akin to happiness. "Only you," Phil admitted, twining his fingers in Dan's hair as Dan moved to press sweet kisses all over his skin. He ran his fingers gently through the locks, still blissed out but wanting more, and arched his chest into Dan's so more of them was touching. "You'll be the first to make love to me, too," Phil whispered. "I - I want to make...make love to you, too," he managed, pulling Dan's head up until their faces were close together. "Dan," he whispered, unsure how he could say the word 'love' but couldn't say the sentence that he knew would make Dan so fucking happy. "Be my first," he finally finished, and pulled Dan into another gentle kiss.

Knowing that he’d get a night full of firsts meant a lot to Dan, more than he could say or even express at the moment. Instead, he ran a hand down Phil’s face and smiled gently down at him. “I’ll be your first,” he whispered back, his heart aching with how much he loved Phil. “I’ll make love to you,” he agreed. He was going to treat Phil like nobody ever had. “Slow and gentle,” he promised before pressing their lips together once more. “Let me go get the lube, alright,” he said softly before climbing off Phil for a moment to search his nightstand for the lube he was looking for. He didn’t want something rough and rushed. He wanted this to be done properly. Once he grabbed it he placed it aside and climbed back over Phil so that he could taste his lips again.

Phil's chest ached, and for the first time, he loved the feeling. Dan's hand was soft against his cheek, his lips even softer on Phil's, and he was speaking so sweetly that Phil once again wanted to cry. He loved how Dan was so open with him, his face so expressive, and his voice even more so. If any part of Phil had not believed that Dan loved him, it was gone now. Dan was virtually see through, and Phil groaned as he closed his eyes, biting his lip as his eyes filled with tears once again. He felt Dan leaving him, but when he came back, his lips came first. Phil opened himself up to Dan, feeling even more vulnerable than he had when they'd started this tonight, because now he felt like he was truly giving all of himself to Dan. "I'm glad you're going to be my first."

“Me too,” Dan said, his voice just loud enough for Phil to hear. After a few more tender kisses he grabbed the lube he’d set aside and poured some out into his hand. “I’ll do anything you want me to,” he groaned as he started to slide a hand over his aching cock. But he wasn’t done with Phil yet. No, there was still skin he hadn’t worshiped and marked yet. He grabbed the other’s hand before placing light kisses to the tips of Phil’s fingers, humming softly. He peppered Phil’s wrist before slowly trailing upwards. He wanted to concentrate on every inch. Then his lips were on Phil’s shoulders. “I’ll always need you most in my life, Phil,” Dan whispered as he kissed at the shell of the other’s ear.

Phil's eyes were fluttering and his heart racing as Dan kissed him again and again, preparing them both for what was about to come, and then Dan was pulling away and popping the cap on the bottle of lube. Phil watched with shallow breaths as Dan stroked his hand over himself, licking his lips, and feeling his heart race faster. He was both terrified and excited. But Dan didn't start then. No, oh no he took Phil's hand instead, peppering kisses to his fingers and over his palm, moving over every inch of Phil's arm until he reached Phil's shoulder. Phil could only watch on in stunned awe, feeling the tears finally slip down the sides of his face. Dan's lips picked those tears up on his way to Phil's ear, and his words punched the breath out of Phil - those were words he'd never thought he'd ever hear in his life, and he stared wide eyed at the ceiling as Dan sucked at his ear before moving to the other side of Phil's face to continue his kissing down Phil's other arm. Before Dan could move his grip away from Phil's hand, Phil was whimpering and gripping their fingers together, little sobs choking out of him. "Dan," he whispered. "Dan," he cried, "Dan, you're - so...God, Dan, I - Dan I - I lo - I do, God, Dan, I really do, I do. Please," he begged, the tears coming faster now, but it was just because his feelings for Dan were so fucking strong, and Dan had said the one thing Phil had never thought anyone would feel towards him.

“Shh, I know…I know you do,” Dan mumbled as he once again kissed away Phil’s tears. Phil didn’t need to explain it to him, Dan could feel it. He didn’t know how, but he could. There was that blind faith that he always reserved for Phil. The faith that made him leap without looking, that made him believe in Phil more than he’d ever believed in anyone else. This was love to the fullest extent. It was something Dan had never felt either though, but there was no doubt in his mind that this was right. He felt his own throat get tight with emotion. He pushed Phil’s hair away from his face and stared lovingly into his eyes before lining himself up at the other’s entrance. He ever so carefully pushed into Phil, taking his time and enjoying every second of it. He gasped softly when felt himself slide in even further. “Phil,” he moaned, forcing his eyes to stay open. He wanted to see, hear, taste, and feel everything. He was already committing this moment to memory.

Dan was quick to reassure Phil that he knew how Phil felt for him, quick to kiss Phil's tears away, quick to push Phil's hair out of his face gently. Phil hiccupped as he stared at Dan's warm brown gaze, his fingers tightening their grip on Dan's hand. He whimpered a bit, refusing to close his eyes because he knew this was the moment, and then swung his arm back so Dan was holding him against the bed. He never let go of him, keeping their fingers twined together, and watched as Dan moved to line himself up with Phil's entrance. He didn't wait long to press inside, but his movements were slow, gentle, as was his hand in Phil's, and Phil could only gasp, mouth falling open as he felt the slow glide of Dan filling him up. "Dan," he answered, tightening his hand because he wanted to hold onto this moment forever, wanting to hold onto this feeling, wanted to remember the love in Dan's eyes and in his movements. It took longer than usual for Dan to bottom out, but when he did, it felt more intimate than it ever had before, and Phil could only stare, breathless, as his body adjusted to the sensation, and soaked up every ounce of love Dan was pouring into him. "Kiss me," Phil whispered.

Phil would never need to ask twice for that. Instantly Dan was kissing him gently but deeply, his mouth hot and open as he slid his tongue inside. All the while Dan was slowly moving his hips, admittedly at a pace he'd never gone before. He would move his hips and slide out slowly, and then he'd push back inside of Phil almost as slowly. He groaned into the kiss, tilting his head some to deepen it even further. Phil was hot and tight around him. "Perfect," he mumbled against Phil's lips as he kept up his lazy but meaningful pace. Every motion was planned out, every thrust, every kiss. In that moment, everything Dan did meant something.

As Dan gave him what he wanted, Phil lifted his legs up and wrapped them around Dan's waist, following the movement of Dan's hips as he properly started, his mouth hot and affectionate on Phil's. Phil's eyes fluttered closed as Dan's hips rocked into him, managing to pull all the way out, before thrusting all the way back in at a slow pace, until Dan had found a rhythm, and he'd tilted his head to deepen their kiss. Phil whimpered every time Dan pressed back inside of him, feeling his insides clench, and his heart race at every sensation, his tongue playing with Dan's, and his hand tightening and untightening inside of Dan's grip. He was gasping against Dan's lips, following Dan's thrusts with tiny rolls of his own hips, and moaning every time Dan pressed into his prostate. The pace was slow, but it made Phil's heart glow, and he reached up to wrap his free arm around Dan's neck to pull him closer.

The shift in Phil’s hips gave Dan a much better angle. He was able to thrust much deeper with the other’s legs around his waist. They were so close already with their chests pressed together, but now he felt even closer. He was connected to Phil in the most intimate way possible. He pressed his face against Phil’s shoulder as he continued to move his hips, sliding in and out of Phil. “God, you’re so tight,” Dan whispered. “I love you so much,” he gasped as he attempted to find that spot inside of Phil. Of course, he still wasn’t rushing but he wanted this to be just as mind blowing as anything else they’d ever done - maybe even more se.

Phil whimpered, pressing his cheek to the side of Dan's face now that Dan's face was tucked into his neck, and tightened his hold on him as Dan pushed into him again and again. He would never get sick of this sensation, or the prickling of love he could feel flowing from Dan. "'M, me too, Dan," he managed to reply, turning to press his lips to Dan's head, and shifting his hips further, throwing his head back in pleasure as Dan's angle changed so he was hitting Phil's prostate with every thrust. His hand tightened in Dan's and he gasped out a laugh as Dan started peppering kisses all over his neck in a way no one ever had before. "You're - the only one I'll ever love," he managed to gasp, and maybe it wasn't exactly I love you, but it was so fucking close, and Phil felt so vulnerable saying it. He clenched down around Dan as he heard Dan gasp, and laughed again, eyes squeezed shut as he let out another moan at the pleasure he was feeling. He was just so happy, and he'd never laughed during sex, but it felt like the thing to do. Bubbles of happiness were filling Phil in a way that needed to be released. "God, Dan, only you," he managed, feeling his orgasm starting to build, and clinging to the edge, because he never wanted this to end.

Despite all the heat of the moment, Dan could feel himself smiling as well. One of pure happiness. A smile that meant he’d gotten everything he’d ever wanted. And if he could keep Phil for the rest of time, it would be all he ever asked for. Phil was clenching around him though and Dan knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer. He quickened his pace but not by much. Just enough to drive into that bundle of nerves over and over. “Finish with me?” he asked, his breath labored. “I want to feel you cum when I do,” Dan explained mid thrust. He moved again to press kisses against hot skin, his tongue lapping while his hips kept moving.

Dan's tongue flicked over Phil’s skin then, to add to all the sensations Phil was feeling, and all he could do was nod in reaction to Dan’s request, breathing labored as Dan pressed into him harder, his hips pumping so brilliantly against Phil's. Phil could feel Dan's breathing increasing, could feel every inch of his body moving, and could feel his balls tightening. He knew Dan was about to cum, and that's when he let himself go, drawing his legs tighter around Dan and moaning long and low. "I love you!" he managed to scream, the heat of the moment drawing the words out of Phil the same they had the last time, and he felt the tears start to stream down his cheeks as he gasped and panted through his orgasm, his fingers tightening around Dan's to keep him grounded, because he could feel Dan coming too and it made him think he was floating.

It was the moment that Phil told him he loved him that he felt the pleasure reach a peak. Dan moaned, his head falling back against Phil’s shoulder as continued to thrust shallowly inside of him, riding out the amazing high. “Love you, love you so much,” Dan gasped, shuddering. He’d never felt so right before. That was the only way he could describe it. It was a pleasure beyond anything else. “More than anything,” he added, finally starting to slow all motions.

Dan shuddered against him, and all Phil could do was hold onto him as tightly as possible, whimpering and sighing as his own orgasm washed over him in waves, making him pump his hips back against Dan as Dan road it out, filling him up with his cum. Phil's legs tightened, and he knew he wasn't letting go anytime soon. There was no way he was letting Dan pull out and take his cum with him tonight. That was all for him, made him feel safe and loved, always had when he really thought about it. And that's all he wanted now, to be wrapped up tight in a Dan's arms and loved. "Dan," he whispered, nuzzling at him from where he'd settled his head in the crook of Phil's neck again. "I - I don't ever want to lose you," he admitted. He was already ripped open; might as well continue.

Of course Dan didn’t have any plans of moving away. He let Phil hold him tightly while he relaxed against him. He wasn’t going to pull away or pull out. No, he wanted his time with Phil and he could tell that Phil wasn’t about to let him move anyway. “You won’t,” Dan promised softly. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you,” he hummed softly. He closed his eyes while Phil nuzzled at him. “Never going to leave you,” Dan whispered again as he pressed his lips against Phil’s shoulder. Dan finally felt whole.

Phil nodded softly, feeling his hair brush against Dan, and sighed but didn't relax. He wanted to hold onto this moment forever, so he did. He pressed kisses against Dan's skin in his own attempt to make Dan feel even one bit of what Dan had made him feel earlier, and let himself cry softly, drowning in the intimacy of making love rather than just having sex. For once in his life, Phil hadn't orgasmed because he needed it, but because he’d wanted it, and it made a world of difference.

Dan smiled gently when he felt Phil's lips against his skin. "I'm glad I'm you're first," he whispered. Even though he'd already told Phil once, he wanted to make sure he understood. He sighed softly as let himself get lost in the buzz under his skin and the feeling of being so close to Phil. Dan didn't think he'd ever want to pull out. It wasn't for the sexual gratification, but the sensation of being connected. He could very easily fall asleep like this. He inhaled deeply and took in the smell of Phil. God, he couldn't describe how much he'd missed it over the last week. It was all the small things he'd longed so dearly for.

"Me too," Phil whispered. "I'm glad I could give you something, something just you have had," he added, "After you've given me all of your firsts." His eyes fluttered closed as he relaxed that tiny bit, still clinging to Dan like his life depended on it. "I'm sorry I left. It was too much for me," he said quietly, wanting to explain. "I didn't - I thought you'd found a boyfriend. And when I found out that wasn't true, it was too late, because the idea of loving you was hard enough. At least at first I was able to hide behind my hurt that you'd found someone else...."

Dan listened carefully as Phil explained some. Of course he had a fairly good idea of what might have happened. “I’ve been struggling not to tell you I love you for a while now. I didn’t want you to leave, so I never told you,” Dan said quietly. “It’s been...quite some time now,” he confessed. “I didn’t ask you to come with me with my friends that night because I didn’t think it was a situation you’d be comfortable with. I…” Dan trailed off. “I didn’t want you to think I was crossing any lines or anything like that. I’m sorry there was such a big misunderstanding.”

Phil bit his lip, wanting desperately to smile and ask Dan just how long he'd loved Phil. But that could wait, at least for a moment. "I wasn't upset because you didn't take me with you...that's not what made me think you were on a date. The other night, when you fell asleep and let me play on your phone, Chris texted you, but...he made it sound like he was a potential boyfriend. I thought...I thought when you had sex with me before going out, that you were just using me because your relationship with Chris was too new. And then you came home, and you wouldn't even mention you had a roommate, and then I thought...I thought you two were having sex, so I - so I decided I hated you. And then your other friend came over, and he scoffed at the idea of you being with Chris, but it was too late. I realized I was...in...with you," he said, stuttering over the word again, frustrated when he'd only just said it earlier. He but his lip, clinging tighter to Dan. "Admittedly I - I wouldn't have been comfortable going if you'd invited me, but...but I almost wish you had, because then maybe...I guess I should be glad we can be together for real now, though. How long have you loved me?" he finally asked, hiding a smile, wanting to know.

Dan understood what Phil was saying. It seemed like a situation that was easy to understand. It was beside the point though, Phil was right. They could be together, for real this time. No more pretending or lying or trying hard not to break promises. Dan could love Phil and be loved in return. He held him just as tightly as Phil asked him how long Dan had loved him. He frowned as he tried to think of the exact moment he knew he loved Phil. “I think maybe that last time I paid money, like at the agency,” he mumbled. “Or right when you moved in, it was one of those time,” Dan said, his face heating up some. Phil probably hadn’t even seen Dan as anything more than a potential friend at that point. “I promised I wouldn’t fall in love with you, but I already knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep that promise. I already had feelings for you. But you were so hell bent on not loving ever, it was just easier not to say anything,” he sighed. “It doesn’t matter now though, as long as I have you.”

Phil was surprised. He honestly hadn't thought that Dan had fallen for him so early on, and yet, the thought didn't terrify him or make him angry. It made his heart glow, because it meant that Dan had loved him when he still thought that Phil could never return the feelings. It reminded him of when Dan had asked him if he thought it would make a difference if someone fell in love with him regardless. "I - God, Dan," Phil mumbled, feeling insecure and wonderful all at the same time. "How could you stand it? You knew what I did for a living, you knew you weren't the only one until I moved in with you, and even then you weren't guaranteed until I promised you..." he mumbled, feeling horrified. He tightened his grip on Dan once again, turning to look at his face a bit better. "I - you're the reason I left the agency, you know? I don't think I fell for you right away, but...I left because you were special. You were always different. I knew you cared for people just in general, that you were kind, that you would care about me, at the very least, so I came home with you. And I'm so glad, because my zine came to life, and I - I properly fell for you," he explained. "It didn't take long, I'm sure of that, even if it took me two months to realize why you made me feel so different than anyone else I had ever been with."

“I was just happy you were with me,” Dan whispered. That, and maybe he’d had a bit of hope that Phil would actually change his mind about love. He couldn’t say that he’d ever known for certain, no, but it had always been a hope, and there had always been the gratification with what Phil /could/ give him. Knowing, though, that he was the reason Phil left the agency was one of the best things Dan had ever heard. Phil was right; he would have been taken care of regardless of what happened between them. Dan was glad that Phil had always seen him as different, that he’d trusted him enough and believed him when he’d said he’d help him. He closed his eyes for a moment and let everything sink in. It still felt somewhat surreal. Little by little, reality was sinking in. He really had Phil, Phil really loved him. This was Phil’s home. They were in relationship, a real one. He smiled softly again before sighing once more.

Dan didn't really reply to what Phil had admitted, but Phil could feel him relaxing, could feel that his words had made Dan really begin to understand what Phil was feeling, made him more secure. Dan's sigh puffed a tiny bit of breath against Phil's neck, and he laughed, squirming away but immediately clenching around Dan in reaction. He winced at the feeling, and finally let his legs fall down so he was no longer locking Dan into place. He squeezed the hand that was still twined with his, and pushed until both he and Dan and rolled over. The movement caused Dan to pull out some, and Phil whined at the loss, knowing he was letting Dan's cum seep out of him as well, but went with it. He wanted to be able to see Dan's face. "So...boyfriends? Lovers? Partners? What..what are we?" he asked quietly.

The movement shifted some but Dan was quick to readjust. Admittedly, he felt a bit better now that he wasn’t worried about crushing Phil. Instead, they were side by side now. He squeezed Phil’s hand back and pressed a quick kiss to the other’s lips. “I figured boyfriends was a good enough term. I think it sums up everything I want us to be,” he smiled gently back at Phil. “Partners sounds like we’re working on school project together,” Dan laughed. “So I hope you don’t mind me introducing you that way now, cause I probably won’t be able to stop saying it for the next couple of months.”

Phil's eyes fluttered closed and stayed that way in reaction to the soft press of lips Dan gave him, and his lips curled into a smile as Dan teased him and decided for them that they were indeed boyfriends. "A proper couple," he murmured, laughing as Dan assured him he wasn't going to get tired of using that term for Phil for a few months yet. His smile wilted as thoughts of the future reminded him of what had happened that night. His eyes opened slowly, only to find Dan looking at him in concern. "What - what happens if they make me go away?" he asked quietly.

“You make it sound like someone is going to take you away from me,” Dan whispered, his smile faltering. “You aren’t being shipped off to a prison or some kind of institution,” he said. While he didn’t like the idea of it either, it might be what was best for Phil though, and if that was the case, Dan had to be supportive. They could help Phil in ways he couldn’t. Even so, that thought hurt just as much. “We have to think about it positively. It’s a treatment program and I’m sure it’s not too far away from where we live,” Dan reassured gently. He pressed another couple of kisses to Phil’s lips before pulling back. “It won’t be like someone is forcing you to stay there. Its rehabilitation, you can check yourself out at any point. I don’t want you to of course.” Dan didn’t want Phil to do that at all. “But sometimes just knowing nobody is forcing you to stay is enough to make you want to stay. Do you know what I mean? And once you…have the skills you need, and you’ve worked through some things, I’ll come and pick you up and we’ll go home. I’ll never not come get you. I’ll wait for you, and I’ll be here when your treatment is over. I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to miss you terribly, but I’m not going anywhere.”

Phil couldn't help laughing as Dan spoke, sniffling as he realized he was getting emotional all over again, but it was okay, because he could see that Dan was too. "Feels like they're taking me from you," he murmured in response, but went quiet as Dan continued talking, stopping a few times to press comforting kisses to Phil's lips that were honestly more comforting than Phil could say. His arms were wound around Dan's shoulders now that they'd moved positions, and though it was uncomfortable to have Dan lying on one of his legs, Phil wouldn't trade comfort for having Dan pull out of him. He nodded slowly as Dan spoke, watching the warm brown of his eyes shine at him, and tried to give him a warm smile. "I'll miss you too," he replied, having the terrible feeling already that they would make him check in - whether they really gave him the choice to leave on his own or not was up in the air. "If they let you visit, will you come? Sometimes, maybe? When you aren't busy?" Phil asked, biting his bottom lip. Would they let Dan visit? Or would the temptation to have sex with him be the opposite of what his treatment was meant to be, and so be the reason he couldn't drop by? "I don't want to spend time away from you again," he admitted softly. He felt like he'd done a complete change - less than twenty-four hours ago he'd wanted to avoid his feelings and a possible relationship with anyone, and now he was clinging for dear life. Maybe it was just the reality of having his heart wide open again. The vulnerability made him want to hold tight, to keep himself afloat. The feelings were too strong, there was no point running away anymore anyway, especially not when Dan was promising him the world. He chose to ignore the part of him convinced that Dan was just telling him what he wanted to hear, because he knew better. He knew Dan.

“I’ll visit every chance I get,” Dan promised without hesitation. He didn’t know what rehab for sex addicts was like. He’d never even known they had in-patient programs like that until Phil’s brother had brought it up. Either way, Dan didn’t know if he was really going be allowed to visit or not. It didn’t seem like a good idea to bring that up to Phil though. At least not at the moment. It might make him change his mind about the whole thing. “You don’t need to ask,” he whispered. “I’ll always have time for you.” Dan wouldn’t miss it for the world. “Don’t worry alright? I just want you to be happy and to live your life to the fullest. I think this will help”

Dan's reply was so quick and without hesitation that Phil immediately believed him, and felt himself relaxing. It definitely helped that Dan had jumped to comfort Phil quickly enough, wanting him to stay calm about the whole thing. "I just...don't want to ruin what we have," Phil admitted softly, and then sighed as he slumped down against Dan's chest. He pressed a delicate kiss to his chest, and sighed. "I'm going to try for us," he added, and then gave Dan another kiss. "Let's sleep?" he requested, starting to realize how tired he was after all that had happened this past week and that day alone, though he had admittedly slept forever in Dan's office.

Dan didn’t protest. He was tired, exhausted when it came right down to it. It had been a week since he’d slept well. Forcing his body to stay up late and get up early had finally taken its toll, but Phil was finally with him and back in his arms. Dan would no doubt sleep well. “Mhm,” he agreed pressing his lips to Phil’s cheek gently. “I love you,” he mumbled. “And I know you love me too,” he added so Phil wouldn’t feel pressured to say it.

Smiling softly at the sentiment, and knowing from the tone of Dan's voice that he was telling the truth about knowing how Phil felt, Phil felt himself beginning to drift softly to sleep. He hadn't slept this easily since the last time he was here, but it was even more amazing knowing he would wake up to Dan in his arms.

\--

It was both amazing and horrible to wake up with Dan still buried inside of him, because Phil's nerve endings were on fire, and he was back to being needy as fuck as well as desperate to get fucked, but his back and ass were aching and sore. He woke with a low moan of both pleasure and pain, finding that at some point, they'd rolled so Phil was laying on top of Dan with half of Dan’s cock still buried inside of him. It was due to last night that Phil finally began to realize the horrifying consequences of being ruled by his sex drive. Dan had loved him last night, and all Phil wanted to do was keep feeling loved, and yet, now he just...needed to be taken, more than anything else. All he could think of was getting off, and he was crying when he started to ride Dan properly until he woke up, biting hard on his bottom lip as, for the first time, he didn't truly enjoy what they were doing. His body needed the orgasm more than Phil wanted it, and it hurt so bad. "Dan," Phil whispered when he saw his eyes fluttering open. "Help. I want it to stop," he begged softly, choking on soft tears.

When Dan woke up, he was confused to say the least. At first he couldn’t understand why he was half hard and inside of Phil, or even why Phil was riding him like he was. Slowly though, the hazy thoughts started to lift, and Dan recalled he’d fallen asleep inside of Phil last night. They must have stayed liked that. The second thing Dan realized was that he was somewhat disappointed that they weren’t cuddling, legs tangled, with Phil’s head on his chest. He’d have even settled for kissing sweetly. It wasn’t that he didn’t like waking up with the other on top of him like this, it was just that he would rather be sleeping with his arms around Phil. Dan would have killed for another hour of sleep. “Shh, it’s alright,” he whispered. “Gonna take care of you,” he mumbled, his voice still thick was sleep. Regardless, he’d still help Phil get off. He shifted some so that he’d slide further into Phil and he moved so that he could start to pump Phil’s cock in his fist.

Dan mumbled sweet, sleepy words to him, and shifted so he could properly move inside of Phil and fuck him properly, and Phil wasn't sure if he was happy about that or not. He was still crying as Dan's hips slowly but surely found a rhythm, and then his hand came onto Phil's cock. Leaning over him, Phil pressed their lips together gently. "'M sorry. I didn't want to. I don't want to," he cried against Dan's mouth. He could not only see how tired Dan was, but he had a feeling Dan had wanted something sweeter to wake up to, rather than meaningless sex, and he felt so crap, and like he was already ruining everything.

The moment he could, Dan pulled away and shushed Phil again. “It’s okay, I know, I know baby,” he whispered as he brought a hand up to brush away tears. This was the part about Phil’s addiction that he himself hated. Not that he was inconvenienced, never that. It was the fact that Phil felt like he had no control over this. That this wasn’t something he truly /wanted/, but needed. There was a big difference. “It’ll be alright,” Dan whispered again, before moving his hand a little faster this time.

Phil really had no choice at that point but to relax into Dan's touches. There was no point crying when Dan had already drearily whispered that everything was going to be alright, and that he understood. There was no point worrying that Dan hated him for this when Dan was taking care of him. Phil settled on top of Dan better, grit his teeth, and started to ride him in earnest while Dan stroked his hand over his cock, whining softly at the feeling, and wishing it would be over sooner rather than later.

While Phil was riding him, Dan concentrated on working Phil’s cock to match the rhythm. Then he was thrusting his hips upwards to meet Phil as he sunk down onto him. He whispered sweet things to Phil in the hopes that it would reassure him. He didn’t want Phil to think that Dan hated this or had a problem with it. He didn’t, not really. He just wished that sex wasn’t something Phil /needed/ to function. He wished it could be more like it had been last night.

Phil choked on soft sobs and light moans as Dan whispered to him how much he loved him and how he good he was for Dan, trying his hardest to finish so that he could just go back to bed and sleep in Dan's arms forever, forgetting that he had a problem all together. He whined and whimpered as he moved, Dan feeling so good inside of him, but also making the aches and pains worse and also making Phil cry harder because he knew how tired Dan was. The fast approaching orgasm would be good, Phil knew, because Dan always made him feel good, but now, with all these thoughts clouding his head about what it was like to be loved, to have sex because both parties wanted to be intimate on a physical and emotional level, it was difficult to fully properly enjoy this sex, because this sex was ruled by an actual /need/, rather than pure desire like last night. When Phil finally came, it was with a short scream, and he immediately collapsed on top of Dan, breathless, sore, and even more exhausted than when he’d gone to bed last night.

Tired or not, the feeling of Phil clenching around him and coming undone was enough to send Dan over the edge as well. He hurried to wrap his arms around Phil, not caring about the mess they’d made, before pressing soft kisses against his shoulders. “I love you, it’s okay,” he whispered as he nuzzled him softly. “I’ll always take care of, no matter what.” Dan would make sure he always kept the promise. He hoped though that eventually, this would be something they could work though.

Phil was crying as he laid against Dan, who was pressing kisses into his shoulders and promising to always care for him no matter what. It hurt so bad though, even though his body was sated, that he struggled to climb off of Dan, still crying, until he was laying next to him with his face buried in the pillow. "It hurts, Dan," he managed to whisper, though he didn't really want to worry Dan. He just wanted to sleep. "Just...I wanna go back to sleep," he cried, burrowing back into Dan's arms.

When Phil hurt, Dan felt like he hurt just as much. It was hard seeing him like this, he hated it. Dan pulled the other against his chest and rested his chin on top of his head. “It won’t be like this forever, we’re going to fix it and things are going to be alright. They’ll be even better,” Dan whispered as he ran his hands calmly down Phil’s back. “I love you, let’s go back to sleep, we can get up later,” he mumbled as he once again tangled their legs together. “I love you, it’s going to be okay.”

Phil could only nod as Dan reassured him, and made sure he understood that Dan loved him and that things would be okay. He took a deep breath as Dan caressed his back and tangled their legs together. When they woke up, Phil knew he was going to need a long soak in the tub, but for now, they could just rest and forget about the ridiculously painful and unnecessary sex they’d just had. Phil nuzzled at Dan's neck, and then he was fast asleep.

Dan stayed up for a while just to watch Phil sleep. It was good to see him peaceful for a bit. For the first time though, Dan realized that Phil wouldn't stay peaceful. His addiction wouldn't allow it, and it was heartbreaking to accept that Phil needed more than Dan could give him. Love alone wouldn't help this specific situation. Of course it helped, but Phil needed proper treatment. Dan could help ease the pain, but that was all he could do. He never should have kidded himself thinking he could be what Phil needed when it came to this, this addiction. Phil needed more. Dan frowned as he held Phil closer. He didn't want to let go, he wanted to keep Phil right next to him, but part of him knew that Phil needed more intense treatment than just group therapy or whatever they were planning this coming Sunday. Dan already knew the in-patient program was unavoidable, and he thought Phil knew as well, but they could pretend as long as they needed if it would make it easier on Phil. And Dan would just have to survive when Phil left again. But he would never stop loving Phil. No matter how long it took, Dan knew he would wait for him. Eventually, he managed to fall back asleep, but it wasn't nearly as restful as before.

When Phil woke up, he could feel a bit of prickling under his skin, but it was no different than the normal from the last two months. He sighed, realizing he was still tucked up against Dan, but Dan was on his back now, snoring lightly. From experience, Phil knew Dan only snored when he was exhausted. He sighed. He knew it was his fault Dan was so tired. Phil glanced at the clock only to realize it was barely pushing ten, and realized Dan must not be planning to go into work because no alarms had gone off and he'd gone back to sleep after Phil's usual wake up call. Phil was grateful for that. He kind of just wanted to spend some time with Dan after everything they'd gone through and the last week apart. Phil didn't want to wake him just yet, though, and so he ended up moving to roll out of bed and Dan's arms. It wasn't until he tried to stand that he realized just how sore he actually was as his knees buckled and his hips refused to hold up. Whimpering, Phil caught himself on the bed, half bent over, and unable to straighten up. It had been a week since Phil had had sex, and Dan had been particularly rough the first time around in his office, but on top of that, Phil had slept with Dan still inside of him, and it seemed all things combined had left Phil's body useless. He tried to keep moving anyway, knowing a bath would help, but it only caused him to whimper again, biting his lip on the sound and squeezing his eyes shut against the pain.

Dan only felt a little groggier the next time he opened his eyes. He was well aware though that Phil was no longer clinging to him like he had been. “Phil?” he asked, hearing a whimper and a pained sound and realizing that that had been what had woken him up. Instantly, the haze started to lift from his thoughts, and he quickly blinked away the sleep, turning to find Phil bent over at the waist and clinging to the edge of the bed like his life depending on it. “Phil?” he asked again, forcing himself to sit up. “Are you alright, what’s wrong?” Dan asked, a sense of panic starting to flit through him. He didn’t know if Phil was hurt, or sick, or what had happened. Had he been too rough last night? Had he hurt Phil unintentionally? The guilt started to eat away at him, and Dan’s thoughts were a whirlwind as he quickly reached out to the other. “What can I do?”

The minute Dan spoke up, Phil felt terrible. He hadn't wanted to disrupt his sleep. "I'm sorry," he ended up answering, rather than telling him what was wrong. "Go back to sleep. I'll be fine," he tried to say, wincing even as he did, and trying to shuffle to the bathroom, still bent over, only to stop and wince again when he tried to straighten up, not having gotten very far from the bed at all. "Just...going to take a bath, okay?" he explained, waving Dan off when he tried to get up. "I'm fine. It's okay."

“Wait, no,” Dan said as he hurried to haul himself out of bed, making his way to the other side where Phil was. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, moving so Phil wouldn’t try and stand up straight again. He didn’t need the other to answer to know, though; Dan hadn’t exactly been gentle when Phil showed up in his office. Then, even though the sex had been much slower after they got home, he still fell asleep inside of Phil, not to mention the fact that Phil hadn’t had sex for a week prior to that. Of course he was sore. Dan recalled how sore he’d been that first time he’d let Phil fuck him. He could only imagine how Phil was feeling now. “Let me get it started for you alright?” he insisted, not taking no for answer.

The only thing that stopped Phil from trying again to scurry to the bathroom was Dan standing literally right in front of him, preventing him from properly walking away, and even then he pouted and frowned up at Dan because he really didn't want to disturb him. "You're exhausted, and I'm fine. It's not your fault, it's just been a while," he tried to explain, but Dan was still not moving out of the way for Phil to make his way out of the room, so he ended up just settling back down into a less painful position on the bed as Dan insisted he could at least get the bath started for him. "Okay..." he finally gave in. "Sleep after. You didn't get enough sleep." He avoided saying he knew it was his fault once again.

Sleep was the last thing Dan was worried about. He’d gotten enough of it and could catch up on it later if he thought he had to. Instead, all he wanted was to take care of Phil for a little while. He hurried to the bathroom and turned on the water for Phil, letting the bathtub fill up before setting out a couple towels. Afterwards, he went back to the bedroom to help Phil climb out of bed. “Come on, I’ll help you get there,” he said softly as he ran a hand over Phil’s cheek. He recalled perfectly how gentle and sweet Phil had been to him after his first time. It might not have been Phil’s first, but he knew how it hurt and how uncomfortable it was, and he knew it was his fault for not being kind and gentle with Phil in the first place. God, Dan would never forgive himself for treating Phil that way.

Phil was pouting the entire time Dan was in the bathroom, feeling shit for having made Dan get up for him when everything was already clearly Phil's fault. Then Dan returned with a soft smile, brushing his fingers over Phil's cheek. Phil’s frown turned into one of awe as he took in just how tender and soft Dan looked, warmer than he ever had before and so fucking open that Phil could do nothing more than allow Dan to pull him out of bed carefully and then support Phil’s weight on the walk to the bathroom. No one had ever looked at Phil like that before, and he was still trembling in awe when Dan helped to settle him down in the bathtub. Immediately, his body relaxed into the warm water. "Thank you," he mumbled.

"You don't have to thank me, I like taking care of you," Dan said as he made sure everything Phil might want was in reach. He didn't want to leave just yet, but he wasn't sure if Phil really wanted the company at the moment, so he instead lingered in the bathroom for a while before edging closer to the door. "Should I go make something to eat?" he asked, looking for some other excuse to take care of Phil. "I don't know if you're hungry... I am though, so I figured I could start an early lunch for us."

It did make Phil feel better to hear Dan say he wanted to and liked to take care of him, but he still felt bad, even as the warmth of the hot water started to calm his sore parts. He watched Dan with half lidded eyes as Dan seemed to try and find something to do while Phil soaked, and was just about to ask him to stay with him when Dan offered to make them breakfast instead. "Uhm. I mean. Only if you want?" he managed to say, biting his bottom lip. "Or...you could stay. You probably want a shower too, don't you?" he asked, unsure if Dan would want to stay in the bathroom with him or not.

Dan was instantly relieved when Phil suggest he stay instead. It was what he'd wanted all along after all, but he hadn't been able to find the nerve to ask. He nodded before sending Phil a soft smile. "Yeah, I'd actually rather stay if that’s alright with you," he admitted, waiting for Phil to nod before he took his seat again. And then another thought crossed his mind. "I could get in with you, if you wanted of course," Dan added. There was a need to be close at any given opportunity right then, and Dan didn't want to pass up any chance he could get. It was something that they hadn't done before as well, and the thought alone sort of made Dan's stomach flip.

Immediately, Phil smiled, feeling glad to hear that Dan would rather stay than go and cook breakfast. When Dan offered to climb into the tub with Phil on top of that, it made Phil even happier, and he nodded before Dan could change his mind. "Yes, please," he whispered, already thinking that sounded wonderful and sweet and affectionate and intimate; everything he had once been afraid of but now wanted. He was desperate for any kind of affection he could get from Dan after everything that they'd gone though, and all the years Phil had focused on nothing but sex.

Dan didn’t hesitate to pull off the pants he’d pulled on last minute. He waited for Phil to move up some so that he could carefully fit himself behind the other, and then he was climbing in. Dan’s tub might have been large, but this was just about the only way they were both going to fit. Instantly upon settling in, Dan pulled Phil back to lean against his chest. Dan’s arms went around the other’s waist and he sighed happily. This was contentment at its best. “I want you to feel better,” he whispered as he rested his chin on Phil’s shoulders.

The moment Dan had pulled Phil into his chest, Phil was sighing blissfully, resting his head back against Dan’s chest, and feeling Dan move to do something similar with his chin. He had his eyes closed, but his mouth curled into a smile as Dan wrapped his arms around his middle and spoke in a quiet tone. "I'll be fine. It had just been awhile since… I'd had so much activity there," he explained, not wanting Dan to feel too bad.

Dan hummed softly in understanding. It had been a lot for Phil, especially seeing how long he'd went with nothing. "Still, I'm sorry," he said quietly before placing a few kisses to other's neck, knowing that it was still largely his fault. He closed his eyes before long though, and let himself relax with Phil pressed against him. He didn't ever want to move from this spot. Eventually though, he forced himself to sit up a little more before reaching over for the shampoo. "Want me to wash your hair?"

They stayed quiet in each other's arms for a short while, with Phil matching his breathing to Dan's just to feel more in synch with him. After a while though, Phil felt Dan straighten up, and he opened his eyes at the offer to have his hair washed. He wasn't used to being offered thing likes that, and so he took a moment to answer. "Uhm. If you want," he replied shyly.

Dan loved playing with Phil's hair, loved having his hands running through the thick black strands. To say that he was a bit eager when Phil agreed to let him wash it was an understatement. He grabbed the shampoo bottle off the side of the tub and poured some into his hands. "Tilt your head back," he said gently, and waited for Phil to comply before starting to massage the soap into the other's hair.

Phil was tense as he waited for Dan to get started, completely unused to this kind of affection, but he obediently and trustingly tilted his head back when Dan requested he do so. He was so happy he did. Immediately, a small moan pulled from his throat, and it was only half out of pleasure. Phil honestly loved having his hair pulled, and that was basically what Dan was doing, albeit gently. Somehow, that actually made it better, and Phil couldn't help but let soft whines and sighs pull from his throat as Dan continued to work the soap into his hair.

Dan laughed lightly as Phil practically went limp against him. The sounds he made were rather adorable as well. He continued to move his hands through Phil’s hair, taking much longer than he needed to to wash it for both his and Phil’s benefit. He let himself get lost in the affection he felt for other. He wanted to wrap his arms around Phil and never even think about letting him go. Soon enough though, Dan had to remove his hands so that he could turn the faucet on again and instruct Phil to hunch down some in order to rinse out the shampoo.

Phil couldn't even complain when it was over. It had been so wonderful while it had lasted, and Phil didn't hesitate to slump down as Dan requested he do so, allowing Dan to rinse his hair. The gentle tugs came back briefly as Dan made certain that Phil's hair was free of shampoo, and then Phil was once again relaxing against Dan's chest, turning his head in request of a kiss. He didn't really know what to say to thank Dan for the emotion he'd felt in his actions, or for anything really, and so he just pouted out his lips with his eyes closed and waited for Dan to take his invitation.

"I love you," Dan said before he pressed his lips against Phil. "I know it's hard for you to say, and I know you love me, so I’m not saying it because I want you say it back. I don’t want you to feel bad. I just have to say it, I have to know you know," Dan whispered. Again, he was placing another soft tender kiss against the other's lips. Without saying another word, he reached for the side of the tub again and grabbed a washcloth, pouring some of his body wash onto it, and then gently starting to rub it across Phil's back and shoulders.

Phil's heart picked up its pace as Dan told him he loved him again, kissing him so softly that Phil could only gasp slightly, lips parting to let out the soft sound. It took a moment for Phil to regain his sense of reality, at which point his eyes fluttered open, and Dan had already moved to start rubbing down Phil's back and shoulders with a warm wash cloth covered in soap. "Dan," he whispered on a soft, happy sigh. "I wish I could say it back easily. But. I feel the same, and I'll never get tired of hearing you say it," he whispered, leaning back against Dan. "I - I really do feel the same way, Dan, so fucking much."

Dan didn't stop running the cloth over Phil's skin while he listened carefully. "You don't have to explain. I know you feel the same, and for now that's more than enough. Eventually I'd like for you to get comfortable saying it, but I'm not rushing you. I understand, I do," Dan said softly. This was more than he'd ever thought it was going to get. Weeks ago, Dan was still so sure Phil didn't share his feelings, that if he knew how Dan really felt he'd be bolting out the door. Yes, so this was more than Dan had expected and it was perfect. Dan let the cloth trail to Phil's arms and then eventually his chest before he leaned back in and kissed Phil once more.

Phil sighed into the kiss again, loving the way Dan's lips moulded softly to his, and nuzzled at Dan the moment Dan pulled away. He could still feel Dan rubbing the washcloth down his body, but he was more focused just on the knowledge that Dan was holding him, that he loved him and never planned to leave his side. They finished the rest of their bath fairly quickly, with Phil eventually grabbing the washcloth and doing his best to return the washing favor. Eventually though, they had to climb out of the bath together once Dan took over much to Phil's disappointment, and then he was helping Phil stand up. He winced a bit in reaction, but he was already feeling endlessly better than he had when he’d woken up.

Dan got Phil wrapped up in a towel the moment they stepped out of the tub. Then he reached over and grabbed his own afterwards. He lead Phil back to the room before helping him sit back on the bed, just long enough for him to grab some clothes for them to wear. He didn't bothering going through the bag Phil had brought with them last night. Instead, he pulled out his own for them both; a couple pairs of underwear and then some pajama bottoms for them both. He didn't have any intentions of leaving for the day. Afterwards, he found a couple shirts and set one aside for Phil. “Want me to help you get dressed?" he asked, moving to pull on his own pants first.

Phil allowed Dan to help him some more until Dan had actually led Phil to the bed and sat him down. Then he watched the man go about finding clothes for him, and hid a laugh when Dan seemed to completely ignore the overnight bag Phil had brought with him, instead grabbing his own clothes for both of them. Phil wasn't complaining. As Dan began to get dressed, Phil picked up the boxers laid out for him and started as well, shaking his head when Dan offered to help. "I got it. I feel better already," he insisted, grateful to realize Dan had picked pajama bottoms for both of them. That definitely meant Dan had no plans to leave today.

Dan nodded, glad to see that Phil was feeling better, and finished throwing his clothes on. As soon as they were both as dressed as they were going to get, he wrapped his arms around the other again and smiled. He'd never get over how good it felt to have Phil there. The pain from last week was nothing but a distant memory now. He wouldn't let himself think about the future, not at the moment. Instead, all he wanted was to enjoy his time with Phil. "Are you hungry?"

Phil's favorite thing was quickly becoming just having Dan's arms around him, and he sighed as Dan held him close, eyes drooping closed out of affection and comfort. He didn't really want to move, but it seemed Dan was insistent on breakfast, as Phil could hear his stomach growling, and knew from earlier that Dan was hungry. "A bit. I could eat," he replied, but when Dan tried to pull away, Phil held him back tighter. He wanted to savor every second they had pressed together, because he knew, sooner rather than later, he would be going into treatment, and he didn't care what anyone had said, he knew they weren't going to settle for group therapy. He didn't know how long he would be sent away, but he knew he wouldn't be seeing much of Dan in that time.

They stood there like that for a while longer, just until Phil finally loosened his grip enough for Dan to pull away some. Not that he really wanted to. “I’ll make something, alright? Why don’t you go sit on the sofa for a while,” he decided. It was better than having Phil sit on the kitchen chairs and end up having to stay in bed all day when he inevitably irritated his ass. Dan pulled them towards the living room where he got Phil situated, and then he headed to the kitchen to start on some breakfast.

Phil felt kind of bad making Dan take care of him, but once Dan had gotten him on the sofa, he was so comfortable that he couldn't complain. He had a good view of the kitchen as well if he craned his neck a little, and was able to watch as Dan moved around, making them eggs and bacon and toast for breakfast, something Phil could definitely get behind. Still, part of him didn't really know what to do with himself. The TV had been left on, and they'd spent a million days cuddling and watching TV and just hanging out even before any of this had happened, but it was something to do with the fact that Phil now knew everything was allowed to be romantic that made him confused. He didn't know how to be romantic, or how to be affectionate the way Dan did. He only knew the sexual things, the cuddling Dan had introduced him too. He didn't know how to be close the way Dan did, and so it was unnerving to Phil to have Dan cooking for him, caring for him, looking after him. He bit his lip as he watched Dan's hips sway as he moved, and tried to think of how their future would pan out. Part of him was still so terrified it was going to fall apart, and he wanted so badly to cling to Dan, but he knew that wasn't going to work. He could already see their relationship falling apart at the seams if he held too tightly, if he freaked out and turned everything into something that it wasn’t. He just had to figure out how to not let that happen, to keep himself calm and secure for once in his life, because this was something he never wanted to let go of.

Dan focused on finishing breakfast and getting their plates together. While the television was on, Dan still felt a bit awkward, like everything was suddenly strange and surreal. It was too quiet. Neither of them were speaking, and it wasn’t helping Dan’s nerves. He’d glance over at Phil every so often to make sure he was still there, as if he wouldn’t be or something, and he thought about starting up a conversation just to quell his own insecurity and fear, but ended up telling himself to wait. Maybe Phil was just in a quiet mood. Instead, he got their food ready and on their plates befores he pulled out a couple glasses to pour them some orange juice. “Do you want any coffee?” Dan asked as he grabbed their food and moved it to the living room. “I got you some juice, but I know you like coffee in the mornings,” Dan smiled. “It’s almost a necessity for you,”

When Dan returned, Phil couldn't help smiling softly at him, feeling his cheeks burn and his heart beat harder in his chest when Dan offered him coffee. He hadn't realized how well Dan had gotten to know him over the past two months when it came to little habits like that. Phil had thought it was just him being overly observant to notice those tiny things about the people around him. "Uhm. Yes, please," he replied. "It really is a necessity." He grinned at Dan this time, feeling a little less out of place because Dan's smile was so welcoming, but also a little nervous, because he didn't know if he was pushing any boundaries.

Phil didn't need to say anything else. Dan smirked knowingly before heading back to the kitchen to start the coffee pot and then grabbing their orange drinks. Once he sat down to eat, he realized just how hungry he actually was. It didn't take him long to start in on his plate, his eyes flickering back to the coffee pot every so often "Is it good?" he asked in between bites.

As soon as Dan returned with their orange juice, Phil was digging in, not having wanted to start eating without Dan, and quickly finding he was hungrier than he had initially realized. Dan was a good cook, but Phil and already known that. Still, he made sure to assure Dan he was enjoying the breakfast while they sat with their thighs touching and watching whatever was on tv.

Dan was silent for a while, his focus mainly on finishing his eggs and bacon. Still, from time to time he'd glance over at Phil and smile. After they'd finished, he took their plates to the sink before he got Phil's coffee for him. It hadn't taken long to learn how he took it. He fixed one for himself with nothing in it before he headed back to the seat on the sofa. He handed Phil over his drink, sitting down right afterwards. "So, your meetings or whatever, they start Sunday?" he asked. It was still a bit early in the day to expect a phone call from Phil's brother with anymore details, and Phil probably knew as much as he did at the moment, but some part of Dan felt like they needed to talk about this. "Are you worried or anything? Is it a relief or..." he trailed off, trying to get Phil to give him a little more insight to where he was emotionally and mentally.

Soon enough, Dan was returning with his coffee, and as Phil took the first sip, he realized that Dan knew exactly how he took it as well; with a splash of milk and three sugars. He felt his insides burst on fire, and he grinned into the cup, realizing again just how much he loved Dan. It was clear how much and how long Dan had loved him. He was jostled out of his thoughts by Dan's questions, and he felt himself growing cold again. He put his hot mug of coffee down, and curled up into himself on the sofa. "Cornelia said Sunday, yeah. Pretty sure she'll be dropping by to get me, as well," he replied. "It's a group session, but the head will be watching me, taking a special interest in me to decide what the best course of action will be." He had to clear his throat before he could answer Dan's other question. "I'm terrified, Dan. I - they're going to take me from you. and I'll have to detox, and you have no idea how painful the last week was. I - I - I nearly fucked a stranger, Dan, and the thought of you was the only thing that kept me from doing it. I just...I need you. I don't know how I'm going to get through this without you."

Dan wished Phil’s addiction could have been something he understood better. He almost wished it had been drugs. Almost. At least drugs he could understand though, and he had an idea of how the process worked and what happened. Plenty of people had drug problems. Dan had worked with plenty of clients with a substance abuse problem. He sighed softly as guilt washed over him. He didn’t want Phil to have a sex addiction or a drug addiction. He didn’t want him to have any kind of addiction. It didn’t matter what kind it was, though, Phil /did/. “I don’t know anything about this,” Dan mumbled. “I don’t know how the rehab works, or how the initial intake is done.” He didn’t know a thing about it. He was in the dark. “I just know that you aren’t going to be alone. I’ll visit you if I’m allowed, and I’ll call you every day,” he offered a smile. He wanted to think of this as positive. He didn’t know how it could be though. “You’ll have me to come home to,” he tried, wanting that little bit of knowledge imparted to Phil, that Dan wouldn’t be going anywhere. There were still so many questions Dan had though, and not ones he wanted to ask Phil. Would Phil even be able to have sex again? Or would that trigger his addiction all over again? Wouldn’t that be the equivalent of giving a hit to a drug addict? What was the point of treating him if treatment would just cause Phil to be the opposite of what he was now? Should they let Phil stay like this instead? No, of course not, Phil wasn’t happy like this. Dan sighed. Would even be able to visit Phil? Probably not. Would they let him call? Dan didn’t know.

Phil couldn't help choking on a small upset sound that was close to a sob, but he wasn't crying this time. He was just...sad. Miserable, almost. Disappointed and terrified. A small part of him was relieved, though. He wanted this to be over. He wanted to enjoy sex like he had last night, not… crave it like this morning. And sure, both times had been amazing, and Phil had never once not enjoyed sex with Dan, or anyone for that matter, but he'd found the difference last night. Making love, fucking even, were different from what Phil did. He had sex because of a craving under his skin, a need to be touched and taken care of that took over everything else, even the need for sleep. He knew rehab was what he needed, he was just afraid of it. "Promise?" he asked. "I - I know you can't help me alone. I know I need a professional. I know, but just...promise I'll always have you to come home to, that you'll call me every day, and if not that, that you'll accept my call when I call you? I just. Need you, Dan. I'm so scared. What if I mess up? If I fuck another patient? Dan, I don't - I don't want to cheat on you. Should we break up? While I'm in there? I don't know what to do, Dan," Phil moaned, suddenly growing even more panicked at the very idea of having to break up with Dan, of messing up and having sex with someone that wasn't Dan. What was he going to do? Would they be able to keep him from relapsing at the hospital? And what if they couldn't? What if Phil hurt another patient?

“If I could I’d go and get a degree in psychology and help you myself,” Dan laughed sadly. “I think that might take too long though. I can be your moral support instead. I’ll do anything you need me to. Call you and remind you how much I love you. Whatever you want. I promise I’m not going to change my mind while you’re away. When you come home, things are going to be even better than they are now,” Dan added gently. God, this was complex. Dan’s feelings towards it were just as complicated. He loved Phil and he knew Phil loved him, but it was hard to accept the fact that if Phil did have sex with someone else while he was in rehab, it wouldn’t be because he felt romantically or sexually attracted to them. He didn’t want to share Phil, not in any way shape or form. He wanted Phil to be strong enough to resist the temptations, but he understood, knew better than to think that Phil always /could/ have control over himself like that. He had an addiction. It wasn’t as cut and dry as all that. “Well, I don’t think you’re going to mess up,” he started slowly, wanting to reassure Phil regardless of anything. “I won’t lie though. If you did cheat on me, I’d be hurt and probably upset. I don’t think I could help it. I don’t want to break up though, I know we can get through this,” Dan sighed before pulling Phil closer. “You know I have a lot of faith in you, right? I haven’t given up, and I’m not starting now. If it did come down to that, to you sleeping with someone, just… tell me. Communicate with me, and I promise to be understanding. I won’t break up with you over it, I won’t scream at you or anything. We’ll work it out.” Dan pressed a kiss to Phil’s cheek. “If it gets really bad, I’ll pay someone to smuggle in some booze. Every time you want to have sex, just drink,” Dan grinned, letting Phil know he was only joking. The atmosphere was getting far too heavy, and he wanted to make Phil feel better, not upset him. He wanted to reassure him with anything he could, even humor. “You might leave an alcoholic though.”

Phil could see the strain on Dan's face at the very idea of Phil cheating on him, but his words and voice were calm and soothing, not promising Phil that he wouldn't be upset, but promising him that he would try and understand, so long as Phil spoke to him about it. As long as Phil kept him in the loop. Phil could do that, but he wanted even more to be as strong as Dan seemed to believe he was. Still, it was better that Dan was honest with him as well - Phil wasn’t stupid. He knew if he cheated on Dan, it would hurt him, and he was glad Dan wasn’t sugar coating that fact to him. "I - I care about you so much, Dan," Phil just managed to say, hoping Dan would understand what he really meant to say. "I'll do my best for you," he promised, snuggling into Dan as Dan pulled him into his arms. “Just try and remember that it's...it's not about feelings, for me. Usually. Last night was different, but...if I do, Dan, I promise it's not - I don't mean it," he begged, needing Dan to hear Phil out, that Dan was special and different and the most important person in Phil’s life, but that if Phil did cheat… he didn’t want to. He laughed as Dan promised to smuggle him beer, lamenting the fact that Phil might leave an alcoholic, and though Phil knew Dan was joking, some part of him wished terribly that it could be that easy. He'd rather get drunk than cheat on Dan. "I'm just so scared. I want to get better, for the first time in my life I do, but I'm scared. I don't want to be away from you," he mourned once again, though he knew there was no avoiding it.

“I don’t know if I’m right or not, but I think that deciding that you want help might be one of the hardest things about recovering. I know this wasn’t an easy decision for you, and I know it’s scary. You’re so brave already though, Phil and I’m so proud. All I can ask is that you do your best, that’s all I need from you,” Dan said, holding a bit together to Phil. “I know you won’t mean it if it happens, but I don’t think you’re going to mess up. You went a whole week without sleeping with anyone, and you told me that you couldn’t do it when you had the chance.” Maybe that didn’t mean much to Phil, but it mean a whole lot to Dan, to know that Phil hadn’t been able to have sex with anyone else. Even it was only for a week and Phil would be tested for longer that, Dan still wasn’t going to think negatively. “I love you, no matter what happens. That’s not going to change, I promise you. And when you do get home, you’re going to see how much better things are. You’re going to be so glad you went. And eventually, it’s not going to be so scary anymore. It’s going to be something that drives you and motivates you, instead.”

Phil could only press himself tighter to Dan and allow his boyfriend to comfort him. The idea of Dan loving him so much, trusting him so much, made him want to be as strong as Dan thought he could be, and he closed his eyes and tried to close his mind against thoughts of cheating on Dan. Dan was right. He had tried to have someone else help him, when he'd already struggled so long, and it hadn't worked. But...that had only been a week. What happened when it was longer? No. Phil had to trust himself, and the people who would be taking care of him not to let that happen. He sighed in Dan's arms. "I just want to get better," he mumbled. "This morning… I didn't realize until this morning, but it… it hurt so bad, Dan, it was so horrible," he complained. Sighing again, he burrowed into Dan's arms further. "I just. Want to be better for both of us."

“I know you will be, Phil,” Dan said as he rested his chin on top of the other’s head. He held him close, both arms wrapped around the other protectively. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would get done. “I don’t care how long it takes, we’ll keep working at this until you’re better,” he promised. Even if Phil had to go to rehab five times over, Dan would still be there supporting him. Dan would do whatever it took to help Phil get his life back, so they could start on theirs. “It’s going to be okay, I promise.” Dan nuzzled him gently before pressing a kiss to his ear. “I was thinking though, I should probably tell my parents something. They’re going to wonder where you’ll be.” Dan knew that after they didn’t get a chance to see Phil for a couple weeks they’d start asking questions, and Dan would never embarrass Phil by telling anyone about so personal a crisis.

Phil tensed at the mention of Dan's parents, realizing once again that they were under the impression that Dan and Phil had been together for much longer than they actually had been, and if Phil randomly stopped showing up at to dinner and their events, they would not only start to wonder about Phil, but about the legitimacy of their relationship. From what Dan had told Phil, he wouldn't put it past Dan's mother to try and set Dan up on dates. "What if - no dating, Daniel Howell," Phil suddenly burst out with, pulling away from Dan with a scowl. "We're not breaking up, and I don't care what your mum says - no dating!" Dan was looking at him with wide-eyes, and it made Phil blush, suddenly feeling ridiculous, but he held his ground. He didn't know what they would tell Dan’s mum, especially when they didn't know how long Phil would be away, but if there was one thing he was adamant about, it was that Dan didn't see anyone else while Phil was gone.

Dan hadn't expected that to be the first thing that crossed Phil's mind, because it certainly hadn't crossed Dan's thoughts at all. "There won't be any dates while you're gone," he agreed quickly. "I wouldn't even think about it," Dan added before pulling Phil close again. "Besides, you're the only person I want to go on a date with," he smiled, hoping that it could be something they did. "Maybe you and I can go out afterwards?"

Phil immediately relaxed as Dan replied quickly, drawing Phil back into his arms, and he closed his eyes. "It's just - your mum. Doesn't matter what we tell her, she might try and break us up. Especially if we tell her the truth. I just...don't want her to send you out on dates, and you go just to shut her up, and suddenly you're in love," he explained, hands going down to rest on Dan's thighs, to hold them both in place, because Phil didn't want to move or have Dan move him, and that seemed his safest bet. He did look up when Dan asked him if they could go on a date, though, and opened and closed his mouth in confusion. "I uhm. Like...when I get out? When I'm better?" he asked, unsure. Phil had never even been on a date before.

Dan knew that wasn’t going to happen. He knew that he wasn’t going to go on any dates or fall in love with any girl his mother sent him up with. The one he loved was right in front of him, and Dan wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything. “I won’t be going on any dates until you get home. We’ll do something, like a real date together,” he added, giving Phil a gentle smile. They’d been out together, but it was never a ‘real’ date. They had been ploys to get his mother to leave him alone instead. His heart skipped a couple of beats as he realized that he could finally think of them as actual boyfriends now. As far as his mother went, he’d think of something to tell her.

Phil ducked his head, hoping that Dan wasn't annoyed with Phil for being so possessive. He was terrified Dan would find him to clingy, find any fault with him really, when really, Phil was just insecure and terrified. "When I come home, then," he agreed, loving the way the word home rolled off of his tongue. He looked up at Dan and smiled. "I'll come home to you, Dan," he whispered. They were quiet a moment then. "Maybe...maybe you could tell your mum I'm visiting family in America because their mum just passed away? So I'm helping some cousins settle, but they're just turning eighteen, so I need to stay a while...?"

"Yeah, I'll tell her something like that. Maybe your aunt passed away, you have to help your cousin, maybe something like that," Dan agreed. It was probably the best they could do regardless. Dan doubted she would ask too many questions. Or she might ask plenty, it was all depending on her mood. He sighed softly, silently hoping that this program wouldn't take too long. Enough to get Phil well again, but not so long that questions started to rise and his mum started to pressure Dan to tell the truth.

Phil nodded in agreement, pressing his thumb against his teeth and nibbling at the skin awkwardly. He felt like such a bother to Dan...how was he meant to deal with Phil being gone /and/ his mum, who was clearly overly concerned with whether or not Dan was into girls? He felt like he was ditching Dan when he needed him most, and forcing him to make up excuses for them both. "Or maybe you could tell them the truth..." he hedged. "I'm causing you so much trouble, Dan."

"I can tell them the truth if you wanted me to, it's your decision," Dan said carefully. He didn't know what his parents were going to think, though. He almost didn't want to know what his mother's reaction was going to be. "And you know you don't cause me trouble. Some things aren't always easy, but I love you and that's what matters. It's your call. I'll tell them whatever you think is best."

Phil turned his gaze back onto Dan, unsure what to do. "I...I just don't want to make your life harder, anymore. I've already caused so much," he complained, still feeling relatively shitty about all that he'd put Dan through. "I don't want to make them hate me, when they already had a hard time accepting me, but I don't want you to have fight tooth and nail to lie for me. I just...I'm tired of making your life difficult." Phil stood up, then, not having realized how difficult this whole thing was going to turn out to be, and they'd only just started dating properly. Already, Phil would possibly be leaving for a few months, and now he was throwing Dan to the wolves when it came to his mum. What about Dan's friends, who were going to wonder what the hell happened with Phil, considering at least one of them knew he was Dan's roommate, and probably knew at the very least that Phil had ditched him. Phil didn't realize he was pacing until Dan stopped him, and then he turned back with wounded eyes. "At least I don't have friends or family who don't know about me. At least I have it easier. At least I don't have to lie to everyone I love. I'm sorry, Dan."

Dan gave Phil a look of worry as he grabbed onto the other’s wrist, managing to stop his frantic movements. “You don’t make my life harder, you make it better. I’m happy and not the kind of happy I lie about. I’m truly happy. My family and my friends can have all the opinions they want about you, or about me, about us and our lives. I don’t care though, what matters to me is that we’re together. Stop saying sorry, stop acting like you’ve made my life so difficult. So it’s a little bit…yeah things are harder at times, but that’s what it means to be in a relationship. Sometimes it’s not easy. People sometimes have rough times, but this is all worth it to me. I know my friends are going to think you’re great, and my dad already loves you. My mom will come around, and if she doesn’t, then she doesn’t. I could tell the truth about everything right now and it wouldn’t change a thing. It wouldn’t make a difference to me as long as you still wanted to be with me,” Dan finished, out of breath and mouth dry from his rant. He let the quiet sink in for a moment before pulling Phil close again.

Phil could only listen and watch as Dan spoke, his expression telling Phil that he was one hundred percent serious and wanted to make this work. Phil didn't understand what the point of a relationship was if they were just going to make things harder for each other, but at the same time, it made everything feel easier, safer, if they were together. Knowing Dan would always have his back made Phil feel safe, encouraged. Like they could do this. He took a deep breath, and reached for Dan's face to draw him into a kiss. "Okay," he agreed, pulling back and nodding at Dan. "I'm not changing my mind. I want to be with you, and… and as long as you're willing to stay with me through this, then I won't complain. Tell them what you think is best… I don't want to make it harder on you."

"I will," Dan mumbled softly. He'd tell them something, he didn't know what yet. He hadn't made up his mind what the best option was. He had a couple days to think on it though. "We'll do this together, we'll get through it," Dan repeated before pressing another kiss to Phil's lips. "Let's watch a movie or something, alright? I don't have to be anywhere today, and I just want to spend time with you. I don't want to think about anything but today," he smiled again, a bit sadly this time. He didn't think Phil's mind would really be on the movie, but they needed some kind of distraction.

Phil tilted his chin up to accept Dan's kiss, eyes slipping closed again, but Dan pulled away before he was done. He accepted it purely because he had to, and let Dan pull away from him again. The idea of watching a movie sounded kind of nice and peaceful though, so Phil nodded, taking Dan's hand just because he could now. "Okay," he agreed again, glad to know that Dan had nowhere he needed to be today. "Are you sure you don't need to go into work?" he asked, just to make sure, though he didn't want Dan to leave.

“No, I’m sure I don’t want to go to work,” he said shaking his head before pulling Phil back towards the sofa. As soon as Phil was seated, Dan got up and picked a movie, not thinking too hard on it, before putting it into the dvd player. Dan flopped back next to Phil and automatically pulled the other back towards him. He wrapped his arms around him and sighed gently. “This is all I want to do today,” he promised again.

Phil sighed and relaxed against Dan, cuddling into his side the second he was back on the sofa. He let his eyes close despite not being tired, and just rested against Dan, head pillowed against his shoulder as the movie played. Phil's attention wasn't on the tv, however, but rather in his own mind as he considered how the next few weeks were going to play out. He hoped Dan was sincere, and he tried not to imagine their relationship falling apart, even though that was all that Phil knew and was used too.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 17,177 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : inaccurate descriptions of dealing with sex addiction and rehab, inaccurate dealing with withdrawal, minor thoughts of death, use of restraints, use of medication, painful masturbation, issues with anger, **semi-explicit near-rape and violence** , aftermath of near-rape, therapy, **actions that place fault on the rape victim and verbal reassurance that this is not true**
> 
> As always, thanks to @phansdick for beta’ing this chapter for us once again!

**Chapter Twelve**

The facility handled a number of different addictions, which was somewhat surprising. Dan had assumed it was going to be strictly for sexual addiction but the first three floors were for substance abuse with the last two being for behavioral. Phil would be heading up to the fourth floor, which Dan assumed was for his specific addiction.

The building was large, larger than Dan had thought it was going to be. However, it seemed friendly in a way, and welcoming. It was clean and professional looking, everything Dan thought it should be.

“Well, let’s go check in,” he said softly as he led Phil to the front desk.

An older man smiled at them before pushing a clipboard towards Phil. “We’re glad you’re here, we want to make this experience a positive life changing one,” he said, looking back and forth between Dan and Phil. Dan made an attempt to smile back, but he could tell that it didn’t exactly reach his eyes. He had a lot of questions for the man, none that he wanted to ask in front of Phil though; things about what he was going to sign, if these were contracts, what rights, if any, Phil would be giving up here. Dan wanted to know how often he was going to be able to visit and how often he could call… the list went on and on.

Phil looked nervous enough though. Dan didn’t want him to change his mind at the last minute, especially if one of the answers they got wasn’t what they wanted to hear, so he held his tongue instead.

“Let’s go sit down and fill this out,” Dan mumbled as they took the clipboard and walked back to the waiting room for a moment. Dan helped Phil flip the though the papers, reading and re-reading everything to see if he could find anything he didn’t like legally. Eventually though, everything had been filled out and signed, and they were returning to the front desk.

Dan’s anxiety hadn’t lessened any, though, and he was nervous for Phil as they handed over the papers. He was nervous for both of them, really. He didn’t want them to be separated, but he needed Phil to get help. Wanted Phil to get help. He smiled vaguely at the man at the front desk as he turned to the lifts, knowing Phil was meant to go up to the fourth floor.

“I’ll help you get settled in,” Dan said gently as they walked over, and then attempted to step closer to the lift, not wanting to leave Phil just yet.

However, the man from the front desk was quick to stop him. “I’m sorry, Sir. He’ll be checked in at level one, which means he can’t have visitors. Usually people stay at level one for the first week, and once they reach level two they can have a monitored visit,” the man explained, looking apologetic, but he couldn’t be as sorry as Dan felt.

“I’m not visiting, I’m walking him to his room,” Dan said, frowning, but the man wouldn’t budge.

“He’ll be able to call you tonight. A doctor will come and meet him down here to take him up,” the man said in what was meant to be a reassuring tone.

For a second, Dan wanted to argue, but again, he held his tongue for Phil’s sake and nodded at the man before turning back to Phil. “Sorry,” he whispered before pulling him close, knowing this was going to be one of the last times he got to have Phil in his arms for a long while.

“I was going to take your bags up and things. I guess I can’t, but you’ll call me tonight, okay?” he said, pressing a quick kiss to Phil’s lips, knowing both he and Phil were anxious, and all too aware of the watchful eyes on them. “You’ll do well here, I know you will. And I’ll visit you as soon as I can. I promise you,” he mumbled before finally pulling away some. “I put my dad’s number in your bag just in case anything happens, alright?” he said quietly, making sure nobody else could hear. He doubted anything would happen, but still, Dan needed the reassurance for himself.

After another quick kiss that wasn’t nearly as deep as Dan would have wanted, Dan was slowly making his way out the door and to the car, alone this time.

\--

It was difficult walking into the facility, even with Dan at Phil’s side, and it only got worse as Dan walked Phil to the front desk, collecting and signing the papers with Phil. For the most part, Phil let Dan take charge, doing his damndest just to stay calm and not freak out. He already didn’t want to do this, not really, not when it meant leaving Dan’s side, and so he had to let Dan look over everything and take care of him. Dan was the lawyer, anyway, and Phil watched him read over every inch of the contracts Phil was signing. He'd promised Phil earlier that he wouldn't let them take Phil if he wasn't satisfied with the papers they’d signed.

The whole morning had been a whirlwind affair, with Dan waking Phil up with sweet kisses and, because they didn’t have much time, rushed sex that still managed to be extra sweet and more like love making than most other things they’d done.

It hadn’t lasted long enough for Phil, though, and now they were here, standing outside the entrance to a facility Phil didn’t want to be in. Being dropped off was going by just as fast, and it was terrifying because any second now, Phil knew Dan would be gone.

The worst part, though, was when Dan offered to take Phil up to his room, only to be stopped by the man at the front counter, a nurse who looked ready to restrain Dan if he tried to insist on going in. Phil's heart ached as he realized that he couldn't see Dan for over a week now, but he accepted his boyfriend's kiss goodbye, clinging to him in desperation until Dan forcefully pulled away. Phil stared after him until he was long gone out the front doors, and then he turned back to find the nurse waiting for him.

It had all gone by in such a blur that Phil was almost sure it was just a dream, that he’d wake up and find that he was still in bed with Dan, and somehow, miraculously, the doctors hadn’t decided he needed to be rehabilitated in a fucking institution for his condition.

"Are you ready?" the nurse asked.

Phil desperately wanted to say no, but he'd promised Dan, and he really did want to get better, so he nodded instead. Reluctantly, Phil let the man lead him into the facility he would be spending at least two months in, trying desperately to remind himself that Dan hadn’t ditched him, really, and it was only for the best that they hadn’t lingered in each other’s arms.

Phil spent the rest of the day taking a tour, being introduced to his personal and group therapists, and then being evaluated by a doctor who would be prescribing him medicine to help him through the withdrawal that was about to start. His treatment would mostly consist of therapy sessions to get to the root of the problem, as sex addictions dealt with deep seated feelings of loneliness and abandonment, but the first few weeks would be difficult enough without medicine to help with the withdrawal.

By the time Phil was being allowed to call Dan, he was exhausted, numb, and terrified.

The ringing of Dan's phone seemed to go on forever, but when he answered, Phil couldn't help immediately sobbing. "Bear," he gasped, pulling out the old childhood nickname Dan had shared with him in confidence over the last couple of days in an attempt to give he and Phil something special to share. Already, Phil missed Dan so much. They had only gotten a few days together once Phil had come home since the center had wanted to admit him almost immediately after his session on Sunday, and it hadn’t been nearly enough. Their relationship was still so new, and Phil just wanted to be there in Dan’s arms to help make it stronger.

\--

 

The car ride home seemed to be the longest one Dan had ever taken. It felt wrong leaving Phil at the facility like that, and Dan was instantly flooded with guilt. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked Phil to go. He’d looked so scared and lost when Dan was forced to leave. “This was a bad idea,” he mumbled to himself. What if there was more he could have done? What if Dan could have helped somehow, made it so that he wasn’t just dumping Phil off somewhere, like a problem he didn’t want to deal with anymore? He sighed as he turned into his parking spot.

Dan shut the car off and rested his head against the steering wheel. He knew he was being selfish, but he didn’t care. He wanted to be selfish; he wanted Phil with him and not in some facility that may or may not know what he needed. He tried to think back over to the papers Phil had signed, recalling any details he might have missed. Dan sniffed pathetically. He’d finally gotten Phil back and already he was being ripped away, and Dan had to be the bigger person and encourage it. Because that was the right thing to do.

 

The day seemed to drag on without Phil there. Dan easily fell back into his old bad work habits, this time channeling his energy into cleaning up some and getting the laundry done, not giving himself any time to really think or worry over Phil despite every fibre of his being aching from Phil’s absence. Tomorrow, he’d go back to work and try to stay focused.

When Dan had thought Phil had left for good, it was easy to work. Working was better than hurting. Now though, it was like Phil was close and yet so far away at the same time, something Dan just couldn’t have regardless. He ran a hand over his face and flopped down on the sofa. This was going to be hard. He knew it would be worse for Phil though.

 

Dan fixed himself something for dinner, and then jumped into the shower just for something else to distract himself with.

He’d been waiting to hear from Phil all day. He knew Phil would call as soon as he got the chance, but not being able to call Phil himself was frustrating to say the least.

Just as Dan jumped out of the shower, his phone began to ring. Dan grabbed his towel and dashed to answer it before the call dropped. The moment he did, the first thing he heard was Phil crying and gasping into the receiver.

“Baby, it’s okay. I’m here, I love you. One day down,” he hurried to say, trying hard to say anything that would comfort Phil without knowing exactly what was wrong. He wanted nothing more than to go and get Phil, get his father involved if he had to, rescue him and find a way to bring Phil home. The hardest part was knowing that he couldn’t, and he couldn’t be the reason Phil gave up on his recovery.

\--

It had only been a few hours and Phil already felt like crap. It was like having his heart ripped out to have Dan so far away, and he almost felt abandoned here, despite knowing better than that. Dan hadn't just left him here to get rid of him. Dan wasn't leaving him at all. It was his choice and for his health that he was here in the first place. He wanted to be happy about it, positive even, but it was difficult when Phil could already feel the annoying prickling under his skin, could still feel Dan's touch all over his body, could still remember the way it had felt to make love to Dan. He didn't stop crying even as Dan spoke soothing words to him, and he hiccuped rather than answering when Dan promised him it was going to be okay, leaving a pause for Phil to reply. Phil didn't honestly have anything to say, though. He was just scared, and he wanted to be in Dan's arms rather than in this hell. "I can't - see you for at least a week, Dan, and that's - that's only if I do well. There are so many rules, Dan. I feel like I'm in a mental hospital, or fucking jail. I miss you so much. I already need you. How am I supposed to do this, Bear?"

“It’s not jail or a mental hospital,” Dan said softly. He wanted to hold Phil. He didn’t know how to comfort without being able to touch and hold. He didn’t feel like his words alone were going to be enough. It was all he had though. “You have to remember that you’re there by choice, you’re there because you want to get better and they know that. It isn’t a punishment.” He knew Phil knew all this already. Still, Dan didn’t know how to make it okay again. His own heart hurt as he realized that they were in for the long haul. “I love you, Lion,” he whispered, shifting the phone some. The nickname was new on Dan’s tongue, but he liked it, had given it to Phil after sharing with him his own childhood nickname. It had seemed to work to calm Phil down the last few time he’d used it at home. “I’ll be there to visit you as soon as I can, and until then, we’ll talk on the phone. I’m so proud of you. Just think about how much better things are going to be when I come and bring you home. Remember our date? We’ll do that first thing.”

Phil knew Dan was right, but it was difficult to remember that Phil had chosen to be there when there were so many rules, when he felt confined and like he'd done something bad. The doctors and nurses were nice enough, but they talked to him like he was a bad person, guilt tripping him into getting better, and all Phil really wanted was to be surrounded by the people who properly loved and cared about him. Instead, he was here being forced out of contact with the people who had promised to stick with him through this every step of the way. He just wanted Dan to hold him, assure him everything was okay, take care of him the way he had been for two months. Phil didn't want this place. He could already feel how hard it was going to be not being touched by Dan, and it was only worse knowing he couldn't even see him to alleviate the pain a little. Yet as Dan called him lion, and reminded Phil of their date, he couldn't help but laugh, the sound coming out hidden by a sob and a sniffle. He wanted to be home, and he didn't want to need sex. He wanted to enjoy sex normally, crave Dan, and not just the orgasm at the end of the road. "First thing," Phil agreed, laughing again. "I want to feel like a proper couple when I get you back..." Dan laughed, and Phil already missed the sound, but he could hear that even Dan sounded a little choked up. "Don't cry, Bear. You gotta be strong for both of us," Phil insisted, laughing himself. "We have chores,” he started, wanting to distract them both from missing each other even just a tiny little bit. “And most of this floor has roommates but - I'm not allowed. I'll be on this floor for withdrawal, until it's - it's safe for me to be around people. I can't - can't mess up and cheat on you that way," he laughed again. "We get rewarded for good behavior, and lose privileges for bad behavior. I'm at the bottom until I gain some points. I don't have any privileges yet. But the first one is phone calls, so...so I'll work hard for you, Dan." Phil started crying again, then. "I won't be able to call you again until then..." his voice trailed off into a sob, and he pulled the phone back, feeling his eyes burn. "But I - say it for me, Dan. I really do...feel that way. Can you say it for me? To you?" he begged, choking on another sob.

Dan didn’t know what he was going to do if Phil wouldn’t be able to call. How would he know that he was safe and that everything was going alright? That Phil didn’t need him? He was just meant to trust that everything was fine? Again though, Dan couldn’t voice this. Phil had enough to worry about, not including the things that Dan was worried about. It even sounded like it was going to be difficult… Dan wished that he could do it for Phil. That he could go to in-patient care for Phil and Phil could come out fine afterwards. “I know you love me,” he said softly, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. Phil was right, he didn’t need to cry. If he started crying, it would only upset Phil. “One day down right?” he said. “I don’t care if you can’t call or I can’t visit this whole time, I’ll still be there to come and pick you up when you’re discharged. I don’t care how long it takes. I know you’re going to try though, and I know it won’t take you long. I know you love me, and I know that you know I love you.”

Phil couldn't help sniffling through Dan's entire speech, because he could feel the waves of love even through the phone, could hear how heartbroken and devastated Dan was despite how hard he was trying to hide it, and though that only made him want to fall apart even more, it also gave him strength, because it reminded him that Dan hadn't abandoned him. It reminded him that for all the pain and suffering Phil was going to do in here, Dan was going to feel every inch of it, in a way. Dan wasn't going to enjoy the month or two apart. Dan was going to miss him just as much as Phil was going to miss Dan, and that was really all that he needed to refuel his resolve. It helped to know that Dan wouldn't forget him if Phil couldn't ever call him, couldn't ever see him. "When I'm better, Bear, I promise I'll say it myself. When I'm better.../we'll/ be better. I can't wait to be with you properly, for the first time. Maybe I'm doing this for me, but I'm doing it for you, too," he choked out, pressing his hand over his mouth to still the sounds he was making once he was done. "I know you were - you were worried I could never have sex again, but… but they assured me that that's not what sex addiction is about. The therapy will help, and then I'll - I'll be normal, I guess. When we have sex it'll be - it'll be because I /want/ to, not because I /need/ to, and I can't...I can't wait to just be intimate with you because we want to be intimate, rather than just because I have a disease," he added, trying to soothe Dan a little. "I still...have what you gave me in my case," he whispered, eyes flicking to his new room door, knowing a nurse was just outside, ready to take the phone from him as soon as he was done. Phil could only be grateful he didn't have a time limit tonight, because it was his first night. His privilege only gave him fifteen minutes with Dan, but that would have to be enough. "If I'm ever scared, I'll find a way to make the call." Before they had left the house, Dan had squirreled away his father's number into Phil's case. They hadn't told Dan's parents yet where Phil was going, and Phil honestly didn't know yet what Dan was actually going to tell them, but now that Phil was dating Dan, he couldn't use Dan as a lawyer, so the next best thing had been to safe guard Phil with Dan's father's number in case he ever felt like he was being mistreated, or needed to leave, but the institute wouldn't let him go. "Dan I - I miss you already..."

Dan knew he wasn’t holding up too well and by the sound of it, Phil wasn’t either. It hurt that he couldn’t hold Phil like he wanted to. In a way, it felt like /he/ was the one being punished. He knew that wasn’t true though, and Phil was only saying the things Dan knew to be true all along. This would be a changing point for them, a real relationship. This was more than blind faith or hope. He was sure that Phil could do this, he believed in Phil. He believed that this was something he honestly wanted. Dan would do anything he could to make that happen, for Phil, for their relationship… for both of them. “It’ll be amazing,” he whispered, shifting the phone again. Still, it didn’t change the loneliness or longing he felt. He wanted Phil close… he comforted himself with the fact that he would be eventually. It would be even better than. Dan ran a hand through his hair before sighing. “Don’t be afraid to call him if you have to. I don’t know how much he could do, but he’s good at finding loopholes and breaches. I know he’d help you. I’m not saying you’re going to need to, it's just in case,” Dan added, not wanting to scare Phil. “Even if he couldn’t get you out, the fact that you called helps build a future case. But I’m sure we won’t need to worry about that. This is a good place, I know you’ll be taken care of. I just want you to worry about getting better. That’s the only thing you have to focus on right now.”

Phil could only really breathe out in agreement, afraid to use his voice again now that he was all choked up again. "I know. I know, it's just...nice to have that option," he finally agreed. “I'll get through this. For us." When Phil eventually had to hang up, for both their sakes, it was reluctantly. He was thankful that Dan allowed Phil to make the decision and hang up the phone though, or he knew, in his darkest moments here, he would blame Dan and hate him for letting Phil go. As it was, it strengthened him to know that he was choosing to stand on his own. He clung to the fact that Dan didn't want to hang up, and gave the phone back to the nurse. He spent his first night crying and woke up the next morning in a cold sweat and desperate to come. When he looked to his bedroom door, he could tell it was locked. The torture had begun.

\--

It was hard waking alone. Dan somehow managed to find it in him to get out of bed though. The last thing he wanted was to sit around and wallow in his misery. He wished he could call Phil though, just to make sure he was alright, but he knew he couldn’t, and that fact alone made it somewhat possible to drag himself from his bed. Their bed. After a quick shower and a cup of a coffee, Dan was out the door again. He knew that he at least needed to tell his father what was going on - he was the one who’d understand. He wouldn’t judge either of them, and hopefully, with any luck, he wouldn’t let Dan’s mother in on the situation.

\--

The first week turned out to be the hardest. Phil spent most of that time locked away in his room, rocking back and forth on the bed and feeling almost as shitty as he had when he'd left Dan for a week. The only thing that helped was the medication they brought him three times a day, the medication that helped his thoughts feel less fuzzy, and his urges less restrictive.

Every time Phil had a chance to ask, the doctors told Phil that they needed him to get through withdrawal before he could start going to counseling, before he could really start getting help, and before he could start earning privileges. Phil wanted so badly to earn privileges. He wanted so badly to be allowed to call Dan, to assure his boyfriend that he was okay. But Phil wasn't, not really. He was dying for touch, even with the medication, and had to ask to be restrained when it got really bad and he tried to jerk himself off.

Phil knew they monitored him, but they didn't watch him. They had told him that the first step was self-control, and they praised him for asking for help. Phil just wanted to die, and spent his days wishing he could talk to Dan, kiss Dan, be with Dan, but of course he couldn't.

Being locked up alone in a white walled room with nothing to do other than think was mind-numbing, and Phil felt drugged up, but at least he was keeping his head above water.

\--

The conversation with Dan’s father went well, extremely well in Dan’s opinion. Not once did the man reach for his phone, distracted as he usually was by clients and work and his other business partners. Instead, he took Dan very seriously, and Phil’s situation to heart, reassuring Dan that this wasn’t something they needed to share with this mother. The promise of confidentiality made it easier to be open about the situation.

Dan’s father also reassured Dan that if anything happened, he’d see to it, but it was mainly his support and understanding that comforted Dan. He had been everything Dan had needed him to be, and when the time came, they both thought that maybe they could share more with his mother. For now though, Dan was just glad that he at least had his father on his side.

They talked about Dan’s frustration after that, his worries, his hopes, and everything in between. The conversation made it feel like a huge weight had been lifted, like he had some sort of support he could turn to, someone he could be real with, and Dan felt lighter already.

After going over things with his father, Dan realized that even if he couldn’t get ahold of Phil, he could still check in on him, and from then on, he made constant phone calls to the institution to see how Phil was doing. It was comforting to be speaking with the doctor in charge of Phil’s treatment and not some supervising nurse, but that was really the only comfort he got from the phone calls.

“Hello again, Mr. Howell,” the doctor greeted him immediately upon answering the phone. They must recognize his phone number by then. “He’s doing as good as can be expected today,” the doctor said, his tone gentle but stern. “We’re still giving him medication to help with the physical reactions. It’s hard for him not to give himself stimulation though. He needed some restraining again today,” he said carefully while Dan frowned on the other line. “It’s never for long of course. We like to do fifteen minute intervals with the restraints, and he has to be the one to ask for them, keep that in mind,” he reminded him, but it didn’t make Dan feel any better.

For the next week, that was about how every phone call went. Dan knew it would take time. That didn’t keep him from waiting for the day the doctor actually told him something more encouraging.

\--

It was on the fifth day that Phil really broke down. He felt like he couldn't do it anymore, and he spent fifteen minutes sobbing on his bed, and fifteen more in the restraints they gave him. The nurses kept giving him pitying glances, but they were as encouraging as ever. They helped him in and out of the restraints every day, assuring him that fifteen was more than enough. Phil had to learn control all on his own.

On that fifth day, though, after the initial fifteen minutes, they refused him anymore. They told him he had to make it through an hour before they would restrain him again, that he needed to push himself, and he tried, he really did, but he ended up caving, giving in to his need. It took him more than an hour to get off, and even then, it hurt so bad, Phil never wanted to do it again. He spent another half an hour crying, and then, when he knocked on his door to get a nurse's attention, he begged to see his doctor.

He slept through the sixth day, just for relief. He promised he'd try harder, but he just needed it to end. He felt like he was dying, like his skin was being shaved apart, like he was going to attack one of the nurses if the doctor didn't help him.

Phil had a feeling Dan was calling, checking in on him, and he couldn't bare to disappoint him, but Phil couldn't take anymore. He needed the sleep, and the doctor agreed, so long as Phil promised two hours between restraints from then on if he needed them. Phil agreed, just for the chance to sleep.

\--

It had been a week and Dan still wasn’t able to talk to Phil. He hadn’t earned any privileges yet, and things only seemed to be getting harder instead of better. Dan understood that Phil couldn’t be restrained all the time, that he had to work through it on his own, but he hadn’t been able to manage so far. There were times where all Dan wanted was to scream at the doctors to give Phil what he wanted, but he knew that would be counterproductive and he might not be allowed to call at all anymore.

He wasn’t angry at Phil though, how could he be? It would take time and effort and Dan knew he’d just have to wait. It was hard though, not to be able to hear these things directly from the other. He wanted to tell Phil how proud he was and how well he was doing, but he couldn’t, and he didn’t know if he ever would.

“We’ll try again next week, Mr. Howell, these things take time. I’m hoping that in the next few days he’ll improve his self-control some.”

\--

Things seemed to even out a little better after that. It was just as painful, just as hard, after Phil woke up, but he'd promised to try harder and things seemed a bit easier once he'd gotten the proper amount of sleep. So Phil refrained from stimulating himself, refused to ask to be put in restraints, and while the bags under his eyes grew, the aches under his skin lessoned. Phil couldn't be sure how much was caused by the medication, or his self control, but as the days moved forward, he felt better.

By the middle of the second week, Phil was even attending therapy, was finally expected to do chores, and was promised to be moved to the fourth floor once he earned his first privilege.

That was just as hard, but Phil was trying. He opened up in group, was surprised by the gasps when he told his story, and relayed his feelings to his personal therapist. He cleaned up after himself, did the laundry and the dishes on his days, and by the end of the second week, they were handing him a phone for his first fifteen minutes with Dan.

"He calls every day," the nurse told him when Phil could only stare at the phone blankly, too afraid to call, and he looked up at that, eyes a little misty. He'd had a feeling, but to be told that made his heart soar.

The phone rang as he pressed it to his ear, and he held his breath as he waited for Dan to answer.

Dan answered with a hello, and at first, Phil could only grin. "Dan," he finally breathed, not wanting to waste any of his fifteen minutes. "I did it."

\--

Days went by, and eventually, Dan started getting good news. They were only little things, but they meant the world to Dan, and they meant Phil was getting better. Dan was just proud of Phil and how hard he was working.

Mainly, the doctor told Dan things like how Phil hadn’t used the restraints today, that he was finally working his way up to level two, how Phil was doing chores now, and had finally made it to group therapy. Soon enough, he’d be relocated to the fourth floor to start the real recovery process, and soon, he’d be getting better. The doctors promised they would find the root of the problem, to help Phil get through this.

This was the kind of news that Dan couldn’t help but share with his father. He was really the only person Dan could be open with about how things with Phil were going, after all. They both agreed that this was good, it was exciting. Dan’s heart swelled.

Still, he hadn’t gotten a call from Phil yet, and that hurt the most, because despite how well Phil was doing, Dan just wanted to hear his voice.

It was almost two full weeks in when the phone finally rang, and when Dan realized where the call was being placed from, his heart speed up.

What if wasn’t Phil? What if it was the doctor telling him that something bad had happened? What if Phil wasn’t okay?

Dan answered the phone with trepidation in his heart, and let out a sigh of relief when he finally heard Phil’s voice.

“How are you? I’ve missed you so much. They said you’re doing well. I’m so proud of you, Phil, I love you,” Dan rushed to say. He hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Phil except for that first night. It was so good to hear his voice now.

\--

Dan's voice was so excited that it made Phil laugh. At the same time, he could feel the tears forming again, and the laugh verged on a small sob. He couldn't help being choked up. It felt like it had been longer than two weeks since he'd last talked to Dan, and to finally hear from him now was all that Phil could have ever asked for. "I missed you," he settled on replying. "They said you've been calling," he added, just to hear the confirmation from Dan as well, and maybe to embarrass him a little. Just knowing how much Dan loved him was the best feeling in the world. "I'm doing - better. It's still hard. I still get urges, but the doctors say it's normal. Part of treatment is telling them when it's happening, and they explain why. I think what sucks the most is knowing that just having you around would make it easier, and worse. I miss you," he said again, because he couldn't quite say ‘I love you’ yet.

Dan cleared his throat some before answering. "I call everyday," he admitted softly. "I just worry. I want to make sure you're doing alright, that you're okay." He couldn't deny it, even if it was a bit embarrassing to be caught. Dan couldn't bring himself to care. He wanted Phil to know how much he cared, and even when they couldn't talk, he'd still find a way to make sure he was okay. "I'm so proud of you, you know that? They've told me how well you're doing and how much progress you've made," Dan said, his smile only growing. "Before you know it, I'll be able to come and see you. Then you won't have to miss me so much."

Phil laughed, nodding his head even though he knew Dan couldn't see him. "Yeah...I can't wait. I don't know when I'll get there, but supervised visits are the next on my list!" Phil didn't care about the privileges that let him leave on field trips they held, and he didn't care about the vending machines. He just cared about any excuse to see or hear from Dan, and this was the first step towards that. He just wished he could get there faster, and he sighed. "I've been doing as well as I can be. I know it's still...going to be an uphill battle. The therapy is hard sometimes. I don't...like talking, but...anything to see you, to talk to you," Phil admitted.

“I’m not worried about when you get there, just that you do,” Dan said reassuringly. Of course though, he was just excited to have the opportunity for more contact with Phil. The last couple of weeks had been miserable without him. “All I can ask is that you do the best you can. And I know you are.” Dan had no doubts about that. “I know it’s hard, it won’t be easy. You’ve come so far already though. You’ve done so much, and I’m so happy. I…I still can’t wait until I can bring you home again. I know it’ll be awhile, and I’ll be patient. I just want you to know that I’m thinking about it constantly.”

Dan's words made Phil's heart flutter, and he laughed, pressing his face into his hands, trying his hardest not to glance at the clock, not wanting to see how little time he had left with Dan. He just wanted to enjoy what he did have and ignore everything else. "The best day of my life will be going home with you," Phil said, because it was the only way he knew how to explain just how much he wanted to be back in Dan's arms. "I...am so happy, to be getting better, for both of us. And you owe me a date. Don't you dare forget," he teased, though he knew already that Dan wouldn't, hadn't. He called every day, and just the knowledge of that made Phil so happy. Dan hadn't forgotten /him/ and that was the most important part. "They said… eventually, they want to bring in loved ones. Means Martin, you...for individual therapy. So...so maybe I can see how I'm hurting you guys, so I can tell you how I'm feeling. So I can tell you why I'm like this. It's a step, and I'm terrified, but… I think by then I'll be ready to tell you the rest of the story, the bit’s I’ve left out. I know you would never force me to explain what happened, why I'm like this, but… but I also know that it'll help us both, and that's important to me, so… so just know, that's coming," he added, talking just to keep talking to Dan, and wanting to share so much with him while he still had the chance. "And I can call every night now! As long as I don't lose points. So I can keep you updated myself. You won't have to call anymore," Phil teased.

Dan listened carefully, knowing that what Phil was saying was important information. Also though, he just felt like he could literally get lost in Phil’s voice. Regardless of how many days it had actually been, Dan felt like it had been months. “I’m glad you’re able to call now,” Dan laughed lightly. “Just know that if you don’t, I’ll call up there myself. Let me know if you want to use your phone time to call your brother though, I’m sure he worries too.” He knew he needed to be willing to share Phil’s time with Martin. He almost felt like he should let the other know how well Phil had been doing. “I know once you’re ready, you’ll tell me,” Dan agreed. He’d never make Phil tell him anything he didn’t want to. He’d never push the other for the answers or anything like that. “And I’ll be there to listen,” he added gently. “I love you,” Dan mumbled again, knowing that he couldn’t not say it. He only hoped it didn’t bother Phil to hear him say it so many times over. “I’m sure somebody will let me know when they want me to come in and hopefully I’ll get a chance to come visit soon, with you doing so well and all.” He couldn’t wait to be able to see Phil and-he suddenly felt his thoughts cut off. What if he could see Phil but not touch him? Not hold his hand, not pull him into a hug, none of that? He swallowed thickly. If he had to keep his own hands to himself then it was just something he’d have to do. He just kept telling himself that Phil would be home soon.

It wasn't that Phil had forgotten about his brother and Cornelia, it was just that Dan was kind of the most important thing in his life right now, and he hadn't really considered their concern for him as much as he had Dan's. He hesitated, wanting to tell Dan he was the only one Phil wanted to call, but he knew that wasn't fair. "Maybe...maybe Fridays, I'll call them instead. They always stay home on fridays," he decided. He could hear the reluctance in his own voice, and he hoped Dan wouldn't think it was because he was mad at his family. He wasn't, he just… wanted to talk to Dan. "I miss you," Phil reiterated, his only way of replying to Dan's constant I love you's. He didn't want them to stop, so he was trying to encourage them as much as he could. It made him smile to hear Dan say that if he didn't hear from Phil, he would call the place himself, and he shoved his face in his hands out of embarrassment. Someone cleared their throat, and Phil looked up. Five more minutes. He had five more minutes with Dan and the gentle cadence of his voice. "I have five minutes. Talk to me? Tell me what you've been up to, about your cases? I just want to hear your voice," Phil insisted, trying not to get weepy.

Dan had known that eventually the call would have to come to an end, but neither of them seemed ready, and the five minute warning hurt more than it probably should have. “Work is work, nothing much has changed,” Dan said, laughing lightly. “I spend too much time there. Home is too empty without you.” Dan cleared his throat again before glancing at his own clock. “I told my dad about where you were. I let him know what was going on,” he rushed to say, hoping that Phil wouldn’t be upset with him and that he’d actually have enough time to explain himself. “He’s glad that you want to get better and that you’re taking steps to get better. It doesn’t change how he feels about you or anything, either… and it was just him I told, not my mother or anything. You aren’t mad, right?”

Phil smiled. Dan always seemed to work more if Phil wasn't around. Dan's mum had said as much, and it had been hinted at him by the janitor kicking Dan out of his office the week Phil was gone. It made Phil feel fond of Dan, but also worried. "Stop over working. I'll be home asap," he teased. His smile changed a bit as Dan rushed to explain that he'd told his father, but he wasn't angry, as Dan seemed to assume he would be. "Of course I'm not mad. I'm glad… that he's on my side. And it's important that you have someone to talk to about all this. I know it's...not easy for you either. I would never be mad, Dan. I trust you, and your judgement, and even if he did hate me… I know it wouldn't change your feelings for me."

“Never,” Dan agreed softly. “Nothing is ever going to change how I feel.” Dan sighed as he glanced at the clock again. Just a minute or so left before Phil would be forced to hang up the phone. “Remember how proud I am and that I’m waiting for our date. I might even rearrange the house while you’re away or something. More incentive to get home,” he laughed lightly, ignoring the ache in his chest. “I love you, I miss you. I can’t wait for you to get home, and I know you feel the same. I’ll talk to you tomorrow alright? I want you to have a good rest of the day. I can’t wait to see you again.”

Phil bit his lip as he watched the clock, realizing that Dan was watching the seconds tick by with him, both aware they only had a tiny bit longer together before they had to hang up. Dan's voice was fierce, adoring, and Phil knew he meant every word. "I can't imagine you changing the house. You gonna merge our rooms?" he teased, but the heartache was coming back, and he knew he sounded choked up. "I promise I'll see you soon. I'll call you tomorrow," he promised, and then they were saying goodbye, Dan promising Phil he loved him one last time, and the line went dead. Phil sighed, handing over the phone to the waiting nurse, and falling back on his bed. Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough

Dan sighed again after hanging up the phone. Maybe he would do something with their top floor apartment. He hadn’t done anything with it since he’d moved in, and if he could keep himself busy while Phil was away, that would be great, because at the moment he hurt. He missed Phil and his eyes stung. He let himself flop back down onto the sofa, burying his head into the cushion and letting a few tears run down his face. Soon. He just had to get through these next few weeks.

\--

The next week was a little better. Of course, Phil still struggled, and he had days where he was this close to telling people off. He was crabby, and the medication didn't help, but knowing Phil risked his chance to talk to Dan kept his lips sealed tight. At the same time though, this made it more difficult for Phil to gain points towards seeing Dan in person, kept him from progressing in general, and it broke his heart, but it was hard. The first two weeks felt like a cake walk in comparison to this. He earned little things from his chores and the friends he made, but they were all useless to Phil - he didn’t care about his allowance or the vending machines or the trips into the village nearby, he just wanted Dan.

"They promised to ween me off the meds. They don't want me to become a drug addict next, but it's still so hard," Phil complained to Dan one night. Dan reassured him it would get easier, but Phil wasn't sure. At least Phil had the phone calls now.

It took until the end of the first month for Phil to have another break through. He broke down to his therapist, crying and confessing the worst of what had happened as a Call Boy. Somehow, this earned him the right to have a monitored visit with Dan, and that night, Phil shared the news with Dan. Dan promised to make an appointment, to be there as soon as possible, and Phil cried in relief, sobbing over the phone and having to wave the nurse off when they came over, concerned. Dan made jokes until Phil was laughing again, and somehow, it was easier.

Phil went to bed that night with a smile on his lips.

\--

Dan scheduled their first appointment for Wednesday at noon. It was still a couple days away, but Dan was more thrilled than he could say.

The first thing he did was tell his father about how he’d finally get to see Phil again, and how even though it was only for thirty minutes, it still felt like so much more. Besides, eventually visits would increase to a whole hour.

Dan was so proud of Phil. He was working his way up the ladder of recovering, and playing by the rules.

Dan felt almost guilty because compared to Phil, he had it easy. All he had to do was sit at home and try not to miss Phil too much. Phil, on the other hand, was the one working towards all the goals, making the phone calls possible, the visits happen. Still, Dan would do whatever he could to make it easier, and it wasn’t as if it was easy to just sit at home and wait.

It felt like torture, and Dan was more than ready for it to end.

\--

It felt amazing to have the doctors schedule time around Phil’s therapy, group therapy, and small group things they did to help the patients open up and deal with their issues, for a visit from Dan, and the closer Wednesday drew, the more excited Phil became.

He was on his best behavior for three days, trying to insure that they wouldn't take the visit away from him. His doctor and therapists gave him knowing looks the whole time, and Phil had a feeling that they were going to have a talk with him later about being so focused on Dan - they'd said before not to let Dan keep him from progressing. They’d said that sometimes, the right path was losing privileges, or at least doing things you might think would lose you them. Sometimes, those moments were break through’s to the doctors and therapists, and they encouraged Phil to be truthful with them, even if that meant cursing and yelling.

After a month of not seeing Dan, though, Phil needed this more than he wanted to recover. He would work harder /after/ seeing Dan, when he felt strong again. Right now, he was waiting anxiously for Dan to arrive, foot tapping in a large room where lots of meetings were occurring, surrounded by nurses to keep an eye on them. At least Phil would be able to hug and kiss Dan, if nothing else. The hand holding was what he was looking forwards to most though. He craved it, hadn’t gotten enough of it once they’d officially gotten together that night.

\--

“Alright, sign in right here,” the nurse said before pushing a clipboard in Dan’s direction. “And then put the time and date to the right,” she added with a smile while Dan did what she asked. He was nervous and he didn’t know why. He loved Phil, there was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing had changed. Maybe he just didn’t know what to expect. They’d talked on the phone almost every day and he was truly excited about this visit. Hopefully, there would be many more to come. That didn’t stop his heart from racing or his thoughts from swirling, though. It had been too long since he’d seen Phil. He hated this controlled environment thing. Even though he knew it was part of the program, he didn’t know how to interact now. “You can clip this visitor pass on and then head up to the fourth floor. He should be in the visitors’ room.” Dan took the clip and attached it to his shirt, doing what he could not to roll his eyes before thanking her and heading up to the lift. It didn’t take long to get to the visitors room. He chewed his lip nervously before pushing the doors open.

Phil wouldn't lie. He spent the entire fifteen minute wait for Dan staring at the doors, peering wide-eyed at them because he was terrified he was going to miss something if he so much as blinked, and then Dan would be gone and the visit would be over before it could even start. Then the doors finally opened on Dan, and Phil didn't care who saw him, he stood up and ran into Dan's arms. It was clear and obvious that he'd taken Dan by surprise, as it took his boyfriend a moment to realize what was happening, but then his strong, warm arms came around Phil, wrapping him up securely. Phil pressed his face into Dan's neck just as an excuse to inhale his scent while Dan buried his face into Phil's hair in response. Phil felt his entire body relax, felt his heart rate slow in contentment, and closed his eyes. He didn't say anything, and neither did Dan. It was just too wonderful to be held again. Phil didn't need words. He could feel that Dan had missed him just as much as he had missed Dan just from how tight he was holding onto Phil, from the tiny hiccuping breaths he was taking that were clearly concealed sobs of emotion. "Dan," Phil finally breathed, but he didn't pull away. "God, Dan, I missed you."

It took a second for Dan’s brain to catch up, but the moment it did, his arms were around Phil instantly. It felt so good to have him in his arms again, to be inhaling the scent of his hair again. For a long time, they didn’t let go. Dan just kept Phil as close as he could, whispering soothing words gently at him. “It’s okay, I’m here now, everything is alright,” he promised, finally creating just the smallest bit of space between them. “I missed you too, more than you could ever know. It’s been such a long time,” he smiled, trying hard to keep his own emotions at bay. “We better sit down, I don’t want to get you in trouble,” he whispered so that only Phil could hear.

As Dan pulled away, Phil frowned, pouting up at his boyfriend. He understood though that Dan didn't want to get him in trouble, but before he let Dan lead him back to an empty table, Phil reached up to cup his cheeks. "I believe we are far overdo for a kiss," he murmured, a little nervous that Dan didn't want to kiss him. He searched Dan's eyes, and waited for Dan to make the next move himself.

Yes, that was something that had been overdue for far too long. Dan smiled gently, his stomach fluttering again like it was the first time all over again, before pressing their lips together softly. He was still wary of the nurses in the room, but he wasn’t about to pass up this kiss, the one he’d been longing for since Phil had left. He sighed against Phil’s lips, mouths moving together for a moment before Dan slowly forced himself to pull back again. It was just long enough to soothe the want, just long enough to keep him wanting more. “Better?” he asked lightly, a smile playing at his lips.

Phil's eyes immediately dropped closed when Dan gave into him, and he kissed him back sweetly, fully intending to deepen the kiss. Before he could, though, Dan pulled back. Phil tried not to be too disappointed. Just having the intimacy of Dan's lips on his again had been amazing and important to Phil. He sighed. "Better," he agreed. "Just wish I could have more," he added, not wanting to push Dan, being also fully aware that Dan probably wanted more just as bad as Phil. "One more," he ended up murmuring anyway, and leaned back in, pressing their lips together and licking at Dan's bottom one softly. This time, Phil was the one to pull away, and he grinned lazily at Dan, letting go of his face to instead grip at his hand. "I've missed that. Being able to kiss you any time I want."

“I’ve missed it too,” Dan said, nodding in agreement. Yes, Dan had missed that part of their lives quite a bit. Even though Phil was the one with the addiction, Dan had enjoyed the sex just as much. While he didn’t needed it, it was something he missed a lot. He thought about it when he got up, remembering how the mornings use to play out. He’d even think about it when he got in from work. He had to remind himself though that it was better when they made love, that it was better if they could just kiss and cuddle and be innocent. He had to remember they were doing this so their lives could be better, their relationship stronger and built on more than just sex. “Let’s set down, I think the nurse is watching,” Dan said quietly as he lead Phil over to one of the empty tables. He still wasn’t thrilled with being observed - it made him feel almost on edge - but he would do anything for Phil. The thought of getting Phil in trouble for doing the wrong thing was nerve-racking, and Dan felt constantly on edge here, like he was going to fuck everything up for Phil. That was the last thing he wanted.

It felt like it had been years since Phil had been near enough to Dan to touch him, and he didn't want to give that up yet, so as Dan led him to a table, Phil took his hand tightly in his own. It felt so nice just to have their palms touching, and in the peace of the moment, in the peace of Phil not feeling like he was going to die if he didn't have sex, he thought hand holding was ten times better than sex ever could be. It kept him anchored, and made him feel connected to Dan in ways that even sex sometimes couldn't. Making love… well, Phil couldn't wait for that again, because that was ten times better than hand holding, which was ten times better than casual fucking. "You don't have to be so nervous. As long as you don't try and have sex with me, we're perfectly allowed to do anything we want," he tried to assure his boyfriend as they sat down.

“I don’t know,” Dan laughed lightly before lacing their fingers together. He knew right away that he never wanted to let go of Phil’s hand ever again. “I just don’t want to get you in trouble. They didn’t really give me a set of rules. They just pinned a pass to my shirt and sent me away.” Not that Dan would have appreciated someone barking rules at him while he was visiting his boyfriend. “I’m so happy to see you, you have no idea,” he smile brightly this time, trying to forget about his nerves. Despite everything, he was excited to see Phil. Thrilled actually. "Tell me everything?"

"You won't, I promise," Phil replied, smiling softly at Dan as they got settled in, thighs touching on the short bench they were at. He turned to look at Dan, not wanting to waste a second in his company. Most nights, recalling what Dan's face looked like had been all that got him through. "I feel like I've told you everything, though! They're weening me off the medication, and I'm glad for it, but I'm also a little nervous. It was making me grumpy. I'm sure you could tell during our phone calls," he stated lightly, shrugging his shoulders. He knew there were nights where talking to Dan wasn't the relief Phil had wanted it to be, and he was sure he'd hurt Dan's feelings a few times as well with how likely it had become for him to snap. "They say the worst is over, and I've made it through withdrawal, but that I'll still have urges until...well, until I've worked out my issues, but now I have to deal with the medication withdrawal, and I'm not all that certain the urges won't get really bad again without the medication to dull them," he explained, unsure why he was wasting the precious thirty minutes he had with Dan talking about his problems again, but wanting to share his concern, As he spoke, he stroked his fingers over the skin of Dan's hand, and reached out with his other hand to touch Dan. It moved casually down his arm, pressed just over his heart, and carded through his hair in a fidgety way that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than Phil re-familiarizing himself with Dan. The nurses couldn't be angry with him for the casual affection, especially when Phil wasn't making out with Dan or sitting in his lap or doing anything else sexually incriminating.

Dan could recall a couple times when Phil had gotten short with him. He’d done his best to be understanding though and not over think it. He was glad that the medication would be coming to end soon, and he didn’t think Phil needed to be nervous. Chances were, it would help a lot, and then he could really focus on his therapy sessions and group. Of course, Dan could understand his concerns about still having urges from time to time. Dan’s heart felt like it skipped a beat as Phil’s hand came to move through his hair. He sighed softly, letting himself enjoy the feeling. He’d missed Phil’s touch so much, especially the simple ones like this. He glanced over at the nurse who seemed to be focused on someone else at the moment, and allowed himself to relax just that tiny bit. “I’m glad things are going well. I know that soon you’ll be out of here and back at home. I’ve mentioned that I’m proud, right?” He laughed as he leaned into Phil’s touch some.

Phil smiled, nodding his head, because Dan was constantly telling Phil how proud of him he was. "Yes," he replied, moving his hand back down Dan's arms and over his chest, resting it just over Dan's heart to feel the beat against his palm once again. He'd rather rest his head there, but he didn't have that option right then. "I can't wait to come home. They estimated one more month, but I know they're frustrated with me. I'm not sure I want to tell you why, though," Phil explained, hesitant. "All I really want is to come home. I'm trying hard for you though, Dan." Phil squeezed his fingers around Dan's hand in his, and moved his other hand up to cup his cheek again, pressing his thumb into Dan's dimple, and smiling when Dan automatically smiled, allowing him to better press his finger into the indent.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Dan said after a moment. “I’d never ask you to, but I…” he trailed off as he struggled to find the words he wanted to use. “I think in this situation, you just sort of have to play by their rules for a while. I’m not saying it’s going to be easier that way - I don’t know if it will or not,” Dan mumbled as he placed a hand over Phil’s, the one that was still pressed to his face. “I’m hoping, though, that it does get easier to do the things you have to in order to complete the program. I know you’re trying hard, though. Just do things at your own pace, but get home soon,” he smiled again, hoping Phil understood what he meant. He wasn’t going to push Phil, but he wanted him home at the same time.

Phil hesitated. Dan didn't quite understand what Phil was getting at, and the truth was, it was Phil focusing on getting home to Dan that was the actual problem. "It's not that, Dan. That's...actually the thing. They want me to play by the rules, sure. But...they keep testing me. Pushing me. They want me to get better, and sometimes that means being honest. Angry. True to how I'm feeling. Sometimes that means breaking the rules, losing privileges...and I know they're mad, because all I care about is keeping you," he admitted, holding tight to Dan's hand and hoping he wouldn't move their hands from Dan's face. "I need you, though. I...I want to get better I want to come home fast, but...they keep telling me I can't think like that, and it's hard, and I know you're going to agree with them, but I don't want you to. I just...wanna be with you."

Dan was quiet for a while as he took everything in. “I don’t think I understand,” he said after a bit. “They want you to break the rules? They can’t punish you for being honest, right?” Dan didn’t know what that meant for either of them. “I mean, I know you don’t want me to say it but…I want you to do this for you too. No matter what happens, I want this to be something you’re doing for yourself, not just so that we can be together sooner,” Dan frowned. Everything suddenly felt like it had just gotten a lot more complicated. “If I could do this for you, I would. I can’t though. I can support you though. I can be the person you talk to.”

Phil sighed. "They don't want me to grit my teeth and just pretend to get through treatment by doing whatever they say. They want me to be honest with myself and them. If that means throwing fits and disagreeing with them, then they might punish me, but then I risk not having the phone calls or the meetings. To them, I risk getting better," Phil tried to explain, frowning when Dan agreed with them, though he'd known Dan would. "I am doing it for me. For us. You're the only reason I worked up the courage and desire to do this, Dan. I don't - I don't want to lose your support. I need you there." It made Phil's heart flutter to hear that Dan would take Phil's place if he could, and he leaned in and kissed him, hand still cupping Dan's cheek. "I know. Thank you."

Dan wished he had better advice to give Phil. He really didn’t know what the right answers were. Phil seemed to be doing well though, and he’d come this far. Although, Dan wished that doing what they asked and being able to being honest and treating the root of the problem would go hand in hand for Phil though. “I love you. I know you’ll do good either way. We’ll get through this,” he whispered when Phil pulled away from the kiss. He didn’t hesitate to lean in for another one. He didn’t want to look at the clock or find out how many more minutes they had. Dan was guessing only about fifteen. “Nothing much has been happening at home. It’s the same as when you left,” he laughed, taking both of Phil’s hands and holding them.

Dan leaned back in for a second kiss, and Phil couldn't help smiling, loving that Dan had missed him just as much as he'd missed Dan. "Okay," he agreed quietly, trying not to over-think about how things needed to be. He knew it was important that he focus on actually getting better, but he didn't understand how not just doing what they said was the right thing to do. He supposed maybe they were just afraid that he was going through the motions, and pretending he was okay when he wasn't, but if that were true, he would have asked to stop being restrained forever ago, just to get the phone calls with Dan before two weeks had gone by. Phil had been desperate to hear Dan's voice even then, after all. "Have you been going out with your parents? Where does your mum think I am? And what about your friends? I got the distinct impression you don't see them much."

“I told my mum you were with your cousin and that your aunt passed away. I’m not very good at lying but I think she bought it.” Dan figured that even though he didn’t exactly like lying, he didn’t want to ruin what progress they had made with his mum by explaining Phil’s addiction and leading her to make more ridiculous but possibly correct assumptions about their previously fake relationship. “I don’t see my friends very often, though. We usually go out once a month or something like that. I cancelled on them again. I didn’t really want to answer questions. I know they wouldn’t be upset or anything, I just think it would be better if I waited to sort of let them in on it.” Dan knew that it was better to cancel on them than lie. He didn’t want to get into the story and explain things to them either though.

Phil nodded a little slowly, brow furrowed as he squeezed his fingers around Dan's. He knew out of the two of them, Phil technically had it worse, but Dan loved Phil, that much was obvious, so Phil knew it must be hard for Dan to stay at home, feeling useless and hoping that his boyfriend was alright. Dan deserved support for this just as much as Phil did, and he thought Dan's friends would be that support. "You can tell them, you know? You can go out some nights and have fun...I wouldn't blame you. You deserve to live your life, enjoy it while I work on getting better, and you deserve to have more people there to support you. My brother will always welcome you in his home, if you need it, and...Dan, I care about you a lot. I don't just want you to sit around suffering for me. Please, I - I need you, yeah, but I can't just ask you to put everything on hold for me."

Before Dan met Phil, his life had consisted of work, dinner with his parents, and going out with his friends every month or so. That was it. And now that Phil was in treatment, his life had sort of reverted back to that. “I know I can tell them,” Dan agreed. “Maybe I will sometime, maybe when I see them next.” It wasn’t that he didn’t feel like could, Dan just wanted to be able to answer their questions elegantly, and he didn’t feel like he could just then when he was an emotional wreck all on his own. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly thrilling,” Dan said, smiling softly. “I don’t really do much of anything. I work a lot, try and stay busy. But that’s what I did before I met you,” he sighed, almost hating to admit these things about himself. “You make things fun, you make me want to do more than work. Without you around, I don’t have a lot of motivation.” Phil gave Dan something to long for, something to look forward to. Phil didn’t hold him back from life, he gave him life. “I might paint or something, like our room. I haven’t decided on a color yet. That’s always fun, right?” he teased. “Really, I’m not miserable or anything, I’m just waiting.”

Phil frowned at Dan, wanting to interrupt him and inform him that no, actually, Phil thought he was incredibly thrilling, but he didn't really get to reply before Dan was continuing, and there was something about the way he was talking that made Phil just kind of want to listen. They were still holding hands, but Phil shifted forward, wanting to touch Dan in every way possible without getting in trouble. Their knees touched, now that Phil had turned his body to face Dan. He blushed, ducking his head as Dan informed Phil of just how important he was to Dan, because it made him special, but it also made him feel on equal ground. It was the same for Phil, who hadn't even wanted to change his life around until Dan had come into it, making him love again, helping him open up. His head snapped back up when Dan said "our room." Yeah, Phil had teased him about Dan moving their stuff together when Dan had complained about being bored, but he hadn't thought Dan would actually want that. "Our room?" he asked, voice shy, quiet, small. "Whose room might that be, that will be our room?" he teased, but he was looking up at Dan like he couldn't believe it, wasn't sure if Dan had mis-phrased, or not. Phil had never lived with someone he loved before, and now Dan not only wanted so share a flat, but a bed, a living space. He bit his lip on a shy grin, waiting, not wanting to get his hopes up.

“Yeah, our room,” Dan smiled, hoping that he wasn’t stepping over any lines, if there were any left to step on. “Well, the room I sleep in. I figured it could be ours when you get back. We’d share it.” Dan wanted that more than anything, to have a space that belonged to the both of them, to wake up every morning together and fall asleep the same way. Together. “I thought if I painted it, rearranged it some, it would be like a new start. Do you know what I mean? I want it to feel like it belongs to both of us,” Dan said, feeling his own face heat up some. “Is that okay? It’s not ridiculous right?” He laughed lightly as he waited for Phil to either agree, or turn him down on the offer. “If you don’t want to, I can keep the spare bedroom the way it is. We don’t have to change anything if you like it better that way, if you’re not - if you’re not ready.”

Phil couldn't help grinning. He agreed with literally every little thing that Dan was saying, and he couldn't wait to go home, to live in the room that Dan would create as a space for both of them. "It's not ridiculous," Phil disagreed, leaning in to kiss Dan again, a little longer this time. When he pulled away, he was still grinning. "It sounds perfect. And my favorite color is blue, for the record," he added with a wink. "I don't care how it comes out. I know I'll love it," he said, kissing Dan again for good measure. "I look forward to coming home to our stuff combined. And I don't care what you do with the spare. I just want one bedroom. For us. I am totally, one hundred percent ready for that."

“Blue,” Dan smiled before nodding. “I’ll remember that,” he promised. He kept himself from leaning back in to pull Phil into another kiss despite how much he wanted to, mind swirling with thoughts of their new room and how, when Phil came home, they’d share that space. “I love you,” he said a little reluctantly. “I think it’s about time for me to go, though. I haven’t worked up the nerve to look at the clock though,” Dan sighed, his heart already starting to hurt again. He didn’t want to leave Phil again, why did it have to be so hard? “I’ll be back next week though, same time. I promise.”

Phil frowned, grasping harder at Dan's hands as Dan seemed to prepare himself to leave. Phil’s eyes flicked to the clock, upset to see that Dan was right. They had maybe two more minutes, and he could see one of the nurses already getting ready to come over and usher Dan out, and it made his heart ache. "No, I - I'm not ready for you to go yet," Phil complained, brow furrowing in pain as he leaned into Dan, letting go of his hands to instead wrap his arms around Dan's waist. He buried his head in Dan's neck, wanting to burrow into Dan completely, but knowing he couldn't. He felt Dan's arms come around him in return, and Phil didn't even feel an ache, or urge, or need to do more with Dan than they were, or already had. He just wanted to stay in his arms instead, the way he'd been hoping things would be. "I miss you already," he complained, not yet able to return Dan's sentiment.

“You’ll see me soon though,” Dan murmured softly as he wrapped his arms around Phil in return. While the nurses made him nervous, he wanted to say goodbye properly. “I don’t want to go yet either, but I’ll back before you know it. And you’ll call me tonight before bed, alright?” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Phil’s head. “I love you. Everything is okay. Just think, in a month or so I’ll be able to show you our new room, and we’ll go out on a really nice date. Don’t be surprised if I have to hire someone to do the painting, though,” he laughed lightly, his heart aching while he tried to comfort Phil. “Just a reminder, those nurses will probably manhandle me out of here in a couple seconds. As much as I want to stay, I don’t want anyone calling the police telling them that some crazed man wouldn’t let go of his boyfriend.”

Phil closed his eyes as Dan reassured him, snuggling closer to him out of a desperate desire to hold onto Dan as much as he could. He laughed as Dan warned him he might be hiring someone to do the painting for him, and tried to hold back tears at the thought of being stuck here without Dan again. "Okay," he finally agreed, laughing again when Dan told him he didn't want to get them both in trouble. "I can't wait to come home," he added, sniffling as he pulled back, closing his eyes again as he leaned back in for one last kiss. His lips lingered, and he tilted his head to deepen it before he finally pulled away. "I - care about you so much," he mumbled, pulling back as he saw the nurse heading over. "I'll see you soon. Okay? And I'll call you tonight!" The nurse was standing sympathetically behind Dan, arms crossed and staring at Phil with a sad smile, so Phil pulled out of Dan's arms, and stood up, taking Dan's hand to help him up as well. "I'll call you tonight," he repeated again, for himself.

“I’ll talk to you tonight. I love you,” Dan promised, pressing one last quick kiss to Phil’s lips before moving to leave. He didn’t think he could bare to look back. Dan didn’t know if he would go running back to Phil if he did. It hurt all over again, just like the first time he’d left Phil there. He silently signed back out, placing the visitors pass back on the front desk. He wouldn’t let himself break down again. While all he wanted to do was go back inside and wrap his arms around Phil, he forced himself to make his way back to his car. He’d talk to him tonight, and he’d see him again soon.

\--

Watching Dan leave was like having his heart ripped out of his chest all over again, but Phil did his best to watch him go and not chase after him. He had to bite his lip and clench his fists, but soon enough, Dan was gone and Phil was being integrated back into the daily routine. He sighed, wiping away tears and ignoring the few friends he'd kind of made over the last few days as they watched him sympathetically.

Phil had been right, though.

The nurses, his doctor, the therapists, they were all mad at him. He was glad they'd waited for him to get one visit with Dan to finally crack down on him, though, and he cried as they explained to him that he needed to do this for himself. They understood his desire to see his boyfriend, understood his need to have that support, that comfort, that privilege, but they needed him to focus on helping himself. He needed to be willing to risk everything by speaking up, acting out, telling them if his medication was working, or if weening him off of it was bringing back bad side effects. Phil had been terrified to admit any problems he was having, just in case they decided he needed to stay longer than the projected one more month, but when they confronted him, he nodded, and started telling the truth again.

Being taking off the medication had been just as bad as Phil had feared, and the worst part was that he was up on the fourth floor with the rest of the sex addicts. He shared a room with a guy named Steve, but they rarely talked. Phil didn't understand why they would room two sex addicts together, but he'd never questioned it until the urges started coming back.

He warned his doctors, and they stopped taking his dosage down, but they didn't want to bring it back up. He needed to learn to deal with this on his own, needed to feel the urges, and talk to his therapist so they could find the root of his problem. Phil knew the root of his problem, but it was hard to talk about it still. He did his best, opening up more about his ex-boyfriend that was never really a boyfriend in the first place, what he'd done to him overall, but he didn't talk about his parents, and he could see the therapist starting to put two and two together.

It terrified him, because he knew they would start to push him soon, and Phil didn’t think he was ready for all that.

Another two weeks passed.

Phil was at a stand still. The doctor’s wouldn't give him projected release dates anymore, and Phil was angry, hurting. He called Dan every night, had gotten to sit in his arms for one more visit, knew he would be seeing his boyfriend tomorrow, and he still blew up.

He cursed in group, told the therapist off, gave them a piece of his mind until he was falling apart in tears and spitting with rage, just wanting to know when he’d get to go home. They didn’t answer him, and he struck out, being held back by two male nurses three times his size while his friends and group members watched on.

They sent him to his room, and Phil’s skin was prickling, and he knew he wanted to get off, but he was holding himself back. There was the ensuite bathroom, Steve wasn't in - Phil was so tempted, but they hadn't taken away any privileges from him yet so far for the outburst, and he didn't want them to ban him from Dan tomorrow, so he kept running those thoughts over and over again in his head.

By the time Steve joined him in their bedroom, Phil was pacing the floor, scratching at his skin.

Everything seemed fine for a moment. Steve stood in the doorway, just watching Phil, and for all of a minute, Phil thought he might do what Phil wanted him to do and just leave.

Before Phil could do anything, say anything, Steve was sidling up behind him, wrapping his arms Phil's waist, placing his mouth just behind Phil's ear.

"I can help you with that," he murmured, his hand reaching down to cup Phil's erection. Phil groaned for a moment, relaxing into the man's touch. It felt so good to be touched when he was aching with so much need, and Steve's mouth was pressing hot kisses to his neck already, his hand slowly massaging Phil.

And then Phil realized what he was doing, felt the bile rise up in his throat, the mental image of Dan and just how much he loved him, how much this would hurt him, flashed through his mind.

"Get off!" he growled, pulling out of Steve's hold roughly, but Steve wasn't done. He was grinning, sporting his own erection, and Phil wanted to cry. His skin burned, and he wanted to have sex so fucking bad, needed it so fucking bad, but not with Steve. Never with Steve. Only Dan.

"I think we deserve a little release of tension, don't you, Phil? Come on, now. It's just one time. No one has to know."

"Fuck off!" Phil shot back, but Steve was grinning at him. He reached down to cup his own erection, rocking into his touch, and Phil's mouth fell open when he moaned. He couldn't help that he was turned on, couldn't help that he was panting, but he was backing away until he fell flat on his bed.

Bad move. Steve followed him, straddling him immediately. "I know you want me. I know you need this. I need it too," he whispered against Phil's lips, and then they were kissing.

Phil almost gave in, then. He was crying, desperate with it, panting as Steve's hips rolled down into his. Steve's hands were touching him everywhere, exactly as his body needed, but Phil's mind was bursting with Dan, with how wrong this was, and as the tears burned at his eyelids, he shoved Steve off, listening to the low grunt of pain as Steve fell off the bed, head hitting hard against the carpet.

There were camera's in the room.

"I said, get off! Phil yelled, aching and shaking with need as he scrambled to sit up on the bed. Steve was sitting up then too, cradling the back of his head and glaring at Phil.

"You fucker!" he growled, and then he was up, and Phil found himself pinned to the bed once again, Steve's hands holding Phil's wrists to the bed this time.

"HELP!" Phil screamed, scrambling on the bed against Steve. Steve had him pinned, but his hips were rolling against Phil's, and Phil couldn't stop himself from rolling his hips back. Steve's mouth came down onto his collarbones, nipping and sucking and biting, and Phil was crying harder than he'd ever cried before, struggling and sobbing and hiccuping, because this was /wrong/ and he didn't want this. Didn't need this.

His knee stretched up of it's own accord, and Steve went down, clutching at his balls as he cried out in pain.

Finally, finally, two nurses burst in. Phil was a sobbing, panting mess on his bed, and while one nurse restrained Steve, the other came over to Phil.

"DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screamed, terrified, and lost, scared and desperate to keep himself sane. He didn't want anyone to touch him. He didn't want anything. He just wanted to be alone, or better yet, to see Dan.

He doesn't know why he did it - maybe it was because the nurse ignored him, pressed his hand to Phil's shoulder to restrain him again, and it wasn't like the nurse was going to try and force himself on him, but Phil still punched him.

He went back to solitary, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He didn't know how long he was going to be in there, but he spent the entire time sobbing, curled up in himself, and when the nurses came in, he cringed away from them until they left him alone.

It didn't seem like he'd be getting to see Dan again, but at that moment, all Phil wanted was peace and quiet.

\--

Dan was getting tired of this rehabilitation program.

The longer Phil stayed, the less he thought well of the facility. He didn’t let Phil in on his frustration though, not when Phil had enough problems of his own to deal with.

Every night, Dan promised it was alright and that things were going to get better. Dan was practically ripping his hair out though. When would it get better? Was he just telling Phil lies; was he really getting the right help? Already, Dan had been in two arguments over the phone with the doctors about why they’d stopped moving Phil up levels and why he was making close to no progress. He wasn’t losing privileges and he wasn’t gaining anything. He was at a standstill. Every time, they blamed it on Phil’s inability to focus on himself. Every phone call left Dan teary eyed and overwhelmed, to the point where he couldn’t think of anything else.

Dan was back to working long hours again, going to bed late and getting up early, only stopping to answer Phil’s calls and reassure him. His father had tried to get him to explain more, talk about what he thought the problem might be, but Dan was just too exhausted to go into details. Not only that, but now his mother was giving him suspicious looks again, asking when Phil was coming home and sounding shocked when Dan admitted he didn’t know. He was doing his best to just to keep her believing his lie about how his cousin still needed help, and it was almost too much for him when all he wanted to do was not think about Phil.

Dan knew he needed to relax and calm down, he could feel the explosion that was right under his skin. He couldn’t help it though. Every night he went to bed not knowing when Phil was coming home, and strangely enough, nobody else seemed to know either. He’d laugh bitterly about the situation but it wasn’t funny. It really wasn’t. The only thing that made it better was that he knew he’d see Phil tomorrow.

Maybe he could get some answers himself, then. He could talk to Phil and explain that he needed to open up or he was going to end up there for God knows how long. Maybe until they legally couldn’t keep him there anymore. Maybe visiting Phil was making it worse. Was Phil just living for these visits and these phone calls, not able to move forward any because of Dan?

Seven in the evening came and Dan waited at his office desk patiently for Phil to call. He was usually really punctual with his calls. When seven thirty rolled around, Dan become nervous, and then the clock turned eight and Dan was scrolling through his contacts until he found the facilities number. He wanted to know what the hell had happened and why Phil was an hour late with his call, because Phil was never late, and Dan couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

“Mr. Howell,” he was greeted immediately. “There was incident tonight. Mr. Lester has lost his phone privileges until he can earn them back. I see that you’re scheduled for a visit tomorrow, we’re going have to cancel that as well,” the doctor said while the hair on the back of Dan’s neck stood up.

“What kind of incident are we talking about here?” he asked, waiting for the nurse to explain further about why Phil had lost privileges. What the hell was going on over there?

“We’re still investigating the incident. He may have been assaulted tonight. We’re still unsure, and Phil isn’t willing to talk to us right now. However, for now he’s losing his privileges for attacking a nurse,” he said carefully, but it was too late, Dan had already lost it, demanding to know what happened, yelling and calling the doctors and therapists incompetent, threatening to call the police for assault on a patient. He even used his lawyer card, which he hardly did. Still, he got hardly any useful information, and it wasn’t until he was about ready to pull his hair out that he ended the call.

He couldn’t help it when he started to cry.

\--

Phil wasn't sure for how long they kept him isolated. For the most part, he was lost in his own mind, horrified that someone had touched him without his permission, but even more horrified that he'd almost let them get away with it.

All he could think about was Dan, and the look on his face if Phil had had sex with Steve that night. All he could do was cry, because he couldn't talk to Dan now, couldn't see him, and he didn't know if he was ever going to leave this stupid place.

Was it his fault the treatment wasn't working? Was he really holding back? Phil didn't know, but he wanted the ache to go away.

For now, it was gone. The assault from Steve had left him numb and deflated, heartbroken, but just the knowledge that Phil's desperate need for sex had almost caused him to allow another person to use him, almost caused him to cheat on Dan, was tearing him apart.

Eventually, they sent his therapist in.

"Can you tell me what's wrong, Phil?" he asked, but Phil shook his head.

"I don't want this anymore," was all he was able to reply. His therapist wheedled at him for a little while longer, but eventually, he left.

\--

"Phil, do you understand that you were assaulted? That none of it was your fault? You fought him off. You said no. None of this is your fault."

Phil didn't reply. He knew that already, of course he did, but that didn't change the fact that it hurt. It didn't change the fact that he didn't understand why they'd locked him away.

\--

"Tell me about your parents, Phil."

"I don't want to talk about them."

"But you have to, Phil. Their death is why you found your first boyfriend, isn't it?"

"Why does it matter?"

Phil knew exactly why it mattered.

"The root of a sex addiction is abandonment. Did you feel abandoned, Phil?"

"Yes."

"They were killed, weren't they? I'm sure they didn't want to leave you, Phil."

"It doesn't matter," he argued, but he was tired, slumped back against the wall on the far end of the bed in the room they'd kept him locked in for at least a few days now. "I want to see Dan."

Phil's therapist shook his head.

"It's time you actually wanted to get better, Phil. We can't let you see Dan until something changes. You've gone stagnant. Your treatment can't get better if -"

"I was assaulted by another patient, and you blamed me for it. Locked me away. I want to see Dan."

But Phil’s therapist merely shook his head again, turning back to the pad of paper in his hands as he asked Phil again about his parents.

Phil stopped answering.

\--

“I don’t know what to tell you, Dan. I’m sure they’re taking care of the situation and we can’t do much until Phil’s released. It’s a private facility, it’s hard to work around those kinds of law. Maybe if it had been a governmental rehabilitation center there would be more we could do,” Dan’s father explained as Dan stared blankly at him. “Phil has some things he needs to work through, and you have to give him a chance. Give it some time. I don’t think we need to start making any phone calls right this minute,” he said carefully while Dan sighed before standing up.

 

“So you aren’t going to do anything about this either?” Dan asked, glaring at the older man. “You know nobody will tell me anything up there? They just word things gently and try and bypass my questions. They tell me they’ll get back with me when they know more,” Dan scoffed, shaking his head. “They won’t help me, and you can’t help me, so what do I do? My boyfriend is up there and I have no idea what’s going on!” Dan all but yelled. “I want to know if he’s alright!”

 

“Dan, you’re yelling at the wrong person. I don’t know anything either. It’s not going to help me calling up there or having someone try and check on him when there isn’t anything we can do. Not at this point,” his father said, giving Dan a firm look.

 

Dan didn’t even need to say anything to the other man. Instead, he silently walked out of his father’s office, closing the door a bit harder than necessary behind him. He couldn’t help himself. He was scared, didn’t know what was going on, and utterly helpless in the situation. He went back to his own office and turned and sat there in silence. Dan had never been good at waiting.

\--

They still weren't allowing Phil to see Dan, and he was finding it more and more difficult to gain his privileges back, but they'd finally released him from solitary. Steve had been expelled from the facility, and Phil was given his own room, though the cameras seemed to have increased and been placed in more obvious positions than before, just the same as when he was locked in solitary, like they were blaming him, afraid of him.

More often than not, Phil was angry, and he blew up on his therapist and doctor every chance he got. He stopped taking his medications, and they didn't force him, but he knew it wasn't helping him get back his privileges. He knew it wasn't helping him get any closer to Dan. He couldn't seem to make himself take the pills anymore, though. He hated them almost as much as he hated the feeling running under his skin, seeping into him every night as he tried to go to bed.

His therapist kept nagging Phil about his parents, and they'd even brought in Martin and Cornelia, but they weren't allowing Dan inside of the facility. That didn't stop Martin from promising Phil that Dan had been calling, that Dan hadn't given up on him, and that he wasn't angry at Phil. That he knew part of the story.

The doctor prevented Martin from saying much, so Phil couldn't find out how Dan was doing, or get a message in edgewise, but somehow, just knowing that Dan was still waiting for him, caring for him, made it easier. Just knowing that Dan at least partially knew that something had happened and wasn't angry or hurt with Phil, made everything easier.

They kept bringing Martin back, pushing him to push Phil to talk about their parents, but it was slow going. Before Phil knew it, another two weeks had gone by, and he'd already been holed up in the stupid facility for over two months. The sick feeling under his skin was easier to ignore, and he thought of Dan every night - how he looked, the sound of his voice, and the feel of his hands on Phil. It kept him going, kept him from setting himself further back by getting himself off.

It wasn't until mid-way through the first week of the third month that Phil really broke down. His therapist was at it again, poking at Phil, ripping open wounds that Phil had nearly forgotten were there, and he'd blown up again. This time, he didn't hit anyone. This time, he just yelled, and screamed, and broke down into tears, shouting at the sky about everything and anything, and wishing he were dead. He screamed about how unfair it all ways, and how much he hated his parents for leaving him, and how much he wished the world had taken him instead, and his therapist just listened as Phil sobbed and broke down until Phil had cried himself out.

They had to force him to go to bed, to calm down, but when he woke up the next morning, for the first time since he'd gone off the medication that dulled his need, he didn't feel like he had to have sex.

\--

Eventually, Dan gave up trying to find out anything else. He knew the facility wouldn’t tell him anyway. He kept calling though, making sure nothing else had happened and that Phil was actually still there, because at the moment, Dan didn’t feel like Phil was anywhere. It was like he very easily could have dreamt him up.

Dan didn’t bother mentioning anything else to his father, despite how the man would ask him over and over how Phil was doing. Each time, Dan just mumbled something along the lines of only knowing what they told him. When his father asked what they were telling him, Dan would shrug and tell him “Only what they tell me,” before shutting down again.

Dan’s life consisted of working, and that was really it. He would cancel whatever plans his mother managed to make for them, hardly answered his friends anymore, and the only time he really put any effort into anything was when he had to go to court. Even so, that never lasted too long. As soon as court ended, Dan would find himself back in his office until the darkest hours of the night. He was staring to make good friends with the janitor up at the firm.

He’d been working on a new case when his father came through the door, an almost angry look on his face. “I want you to go home. You haven’t had a day off all month,” he frowned as Dan gave him a somewhat bewildered look.

“We talked about this,. Well, /I/ talked about it. Dan you can’t live here. I want you to leave, and I don’t want to see you back here for the next two days. I don’t care what you do, but don’t come back here,” Howard said, his face somber but firm.

“You can’t just kick me out,” Dan said, his tone more than just a little offended. “I’m ahead almost two weeks! You can’t say I’m not being productive here or something. I’m getting things done,” Dan hissed, but his father only shook his head.

“I can’t get anything done with you…acting like this. You don’t talk to anybody, you don’t take phone calls, and you just…Dan just go home. I mean it. Phil will get out when he gets out. I can’t do anything about that, and you need to stop with this. It’s worrying me. Go home for the next two days. I hope you’re feeling livelier when you get back. I’ll have your calls transferred to me, and I don’t want to find any missing case files while you’re away. Leave them here, Dan. take a break.”

Dan didn’t even get a chance to protest before the other man was leaving his office, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

Dan wasn’t up for an argument today. He figured he might be able to call his receptionist back later and ask her to email some cases for him, but for the time being, he didn’t seem to have much of a case.

 

He hadn’t been home at noon for weeks. Dan had almost forgotten what his place looked like in the light of day.

He looked around, hating how empty it felt, to the point he couldn’t stand it.

He had nothing to work on and his thoughts were being consumed by Phil once again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 17,321 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : discussions of abandoment issues, discussions regarding prostituation, slight explorations of near-rape aftermath, love making, grinding, fingering, rimming, blowjobs, riding
> 
> Massive thanks to @phansdick as this chapter probably wouldn’t be out without her today :)

It took one more week and three days of bargaining, therapy sessions, and arguing before Phil got his way.

He was doing better, he argued. He was no longer on the medication, had continued to open up about his parents and the way he was feeling in regards to that childhood trauma, and he was feeling loads better, like he might actually be okay. The anger, the frustration, were largely gone, though Phil was still not happy about them banning him and Dan from communicating, and he was ready to leave. He felt like he deserved to leave. He was ready to stand on his own two feet and test out this new feeling.

Even his therapist could see that they'd finally found the root of the problem, and that there really was no reason for Phil to stay at the facility any longer. The need for monitored attention was over, and the extra week assured all parties involved that Phil was no longer feeling urges or the absolute /need/ to have sex.

His therapist promised him that he would definitely still desire it, enjoy it even, but he also warned Phil that he might grow lonely again, might feel abandoned, and in those moments, he had to fight any urges that came back and talk to his loved ones instead, to seek out the help of the therapist they were going to set him up with. Now that Phil was out of rehab, he’d have to find someone new to help him but Phil didn’t mind. He never wanted to come back here again, and he would do anything to insure that he stayed away. The doctors feared things might get bad again if Phil continued to run away from his problems the way he’d always done, but Phil knew things wouldn’t get bad again. He wouldn’t let them.

All he wanted was to go home.

The first call Phil made the second the doctors agreed to let him go was to Martin, not Dan.

It killed Phil a little inside to leave Dan out of the loop like that, but he knew he’d be seeing him soon. His things were packed, and Phil fully intended to just show up at home, surprising Dan completely. He wanted to see Dan as soon as possible, sure, but he was desperate to see him alone. He didn't want anyone around for that reunion, and he knew Martin would understand.

Sure enough, when Martin picked up, he was delighted to hear that Phil was being released, and he laughed when Phil asked for a ride home.

"You sure welcome home sex isn't going to set you back?"

"Shut up, Martin. It's not like a drug addiction. I can have sex if I want," he complained, rolling his eyes but fully understanding his brothers concern. "We've talked about this. It's not - I never dealt with anything that had happened. But now that I have, I don't - I don't crave sex. I'm not running from anything anymore. There's no reason for me to /crave/ sex anymore. I just...want Dan."

"Too much information, little bro, but I hear you," Martin replied softly, and his words didn't even sting. Phil only smiled, and thanked him, and then he was waiting not-so-patiently for Martin to show up.

\--

By the time Phil arrived home, it was getting dark. Dusk had settled, but Phil could just see the moon already, and it was freezing. He'd stolen one of Dan's jackets again before he’d left, to snuggle into at night on his worst days, and he was wearing it again now. He wasn't sure if Dan was even home, having the horrible feeling that he'd been keeping himself locked up at the office most nights, and though he was itching to call, he wanted this to be a surprise. If Dan wasn't upstairs, Phil would call his father, and that would be that.

His hands were shaking, and his nerves were shot as he took the lift to the top penthouse floor. Every few moments he was jolted back into reality, amazed at the fact that he could go anywhere he wanted once again. But more than anything, he still felt like everything was a dream and he was going to wake up back in his bed at the stupid facility, and he wouldn't be about to see Dan.

It felt like a million years, but finally, Phil made it to the top floor. As he climbed out of the elevator, he grabbed his keys, ready to unlock the front door. He hesitated, his lone bag dragging on the floor behind him.

Suddenly, he wished Dan was here.

He didn't want to come home alone.

It took three times to get the key in the lock, and another three to stop shaking long enough to properly unlock the door, but once he pushed inside, Phil was relieved. He had just tossed his bag inside and turned to re-lock the door when he heard a short gasp, and he turned slowly to find Dan looking like absolute shit standing in the doorway of their flat.

"Hi," Phil greeted softly. "I'm home."

\--

When Dan returned from his two day break, his father had put a new policy into place. Or rather, a rule for Dan, as no one else had to follow it. Dan was meant to leave at five when everybody else left, though even then a few of his co-workers were gone by four, and he wasn’t meant to show up before seven. However, Dan had found a way to get around this. There was a loophole for everything and this was no exception. He’d leave at five and go get a coffee before heading back to the firm. Usually, his father was gone by then.

That afternoon however, Dan found himself sorely disappointed when he realized that the building had been locked up nearly four hours earlier then it usually was. Dan frowned before trying another door. He soon decided that his father and the janitor were much better friends than Dan and the janitor, and sulked the whole way home, already dreading coming back to an empty home.

He’d been home maybe an hour or so before he heard someone jamming their key into the lock.

There was a sense of panic, and then one of shock.

The moment reminded Dan of the first time he’d met Phil.

There he was, standing in the doorway, and once again Dan was completely caught off guard.

He blinked a couple of times before trying to look around Phil. “Did you run away?” he asked carefully. “You did, didn’t you? Do they know you’re gone?”

\--

Phil blinked slowly, surprised by Dan's accusation, but not actually offended. He guessed he could understand where that had come from, and it let Phil know just how little the hospital had been telling Dan. He'd known they were trying to keep Phil focused on his therapy, but leaving Dan to suffer was hardly fair; they couldn't just leave loved one's out like that. "I didn't run away," he replied, shaking his head slowly. He pressed nervous hands to his jeans, and wiped off the sweat that had formed there. He hadn't exactly expected their reunion to be like this, but he could see the shock on Dan's face, and Phil's own heart was racing painfully hard in his chest. "I was released. I'm - I'm better, Dan. I'm free."

To know that Phil had been released was even more confusing to Dan, and he continued to stand stock still with shock. “You didn’t call or anything. I would have come and picked you up,” Dan said, still not exactly sure if this was really happening or not. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten to speak to Phil on the phone, and the whole time he’d been there, Dan was only allowed to visit twice. It was taking a while to comprehend everything. At the very least, he would have thought the facility would have let him know that Phil would be able to come home soon, or at least let Phil call, something. “I’m sorry, I just…” Dan shook his head. “I’m glad you’re here, really, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Phil bit his lip. Dan was clearly shocked, and maybe he wasn't intending to sound accusing, but that's how it felt. Phil suddenly felt like an idiot for not telling Dan he was coming home. He felt like an ass for not calling him the minute he was given the chance, and he felt his eyes beginning to burn already. The last thing he'd been expecting when he got home was for Dan to be standing so far away, looking hesitant and confused, hurt almost. Even as he told Phil he was glad he was home, he still had a dazed look on his face, and he didn't move to touch Phil. "I - I wanted to surprise you. I just...wanted to be alone with you, when I saw you again. I didn't think - do you - I can go, if you'd prefer? It's been...it's been almost a month, since we've talked. I'd - I'd understand if you've -" Phil couldn't finish the sentence. Instead, he stared down at his toes, fringe covering his face. He felt like an idiot, now. What if Dan hadn't wanted Phil to come home? Nothing was the same, including him. How could he have thought this was a good idea? He turned to leave, eyes burning, three important words sitting on his tongue that he'd been working up to saying for three months.

Before Phil could even take one step away, Dan was there, grabbing his hand and stopping him. “You just got home, you can’t leave yet,” Dan said softly. He hadn’t meant to give Phil such a poor welcome home. Dan had been shocked though, still was. For the last couple of weeks, the doctors had mentioned that Phil was doing better but it would more than likely be awhile before he’d leave. “I’m sorry,” Dan explained, guilt creeping into his tone. “I hadn’t even thought you were coming home anytime soon, mainly because nobody talked about it when I called. I’m not mad or anything. I really am glad you’re here. Don’t be upset,” he whispered, hoping that his reaction wouldn’t make Phil leave.

Warm fingers wrapped around Phil's, and he turned to find Dan staring at him with soft, warm brown eyes. The shock was still evident, and he looked so unsure of himself, like he didn't know what he was allowed to do, what he should do, but his voice was quiet, sweet, and it made hope bloom back in Phil's chest. "They haven't been telling you anything, have they?" Phil asked quietly, understanding, but still shy, nervous, scared. Just as much as Dan was. He wanted to throw himself into Dan's arms, but he couldn't. He was terrified. Everything felt turned on it's head. "I've been...doing better for the last week. I can't believe they hadn't even mentioned to you that I might be going home soon." Phil looked up at Dan shyly from beneath his lashes. "But I /am/ home," he added, whispering the words. "I'm not upset, Dan. I'm...nervous. Do you still...?" Want me, love me...Phil didn't want to voice the words.

“Do you even have to ask?” Dan smiled, shaking his head. “Of course I still love you, I told you that wasn’t going to change. Not now, not ever,” he promised gently. “No, they haven’t told me much this last month.” No, they hadn’t told him much of anything after his last blow up. They’d mainly just explained that Phil was fine and that Dan could stop calling daily. He hadn’t of course, but he’d come to expect that nothing important would be relayed to him. “I missed you,” he sighed as he slowly started to let everything sink in. “I’m glad you’re okay, I’m glad you’re home,” he said again. Still feeling terribly unsure of everything, Dan knew he would have plenty of time to process everything. He was just happy that Phil was finally home.

Slowly, Phil began to smile. Hearing the words roll off of Dan's tongue again after so long of not hearing them soothed him, and he leaned closer to him. His heart was beating faster now, and Dan was still talking, but Phil just wanted to cry again. "I'm glad I'm home too," he murmured in reply, leaning closer still. Dan was so near, just that tiny bit taller than Phil, and their mouths were close, so close that Phil could feel Dan's breathing fanning against his skin. "I missed you so much, Dan. I kept asking for you, but they - they wouldn't let you come. Dan?" he asked, waiting for Dan's hum of approval before he whispered, "I love you," softly, but clearly, lips centimeters from Dan's.

He’d waited so long just to hear Phil’s voice, and what he said suddenly made it worthwhile. He’d only said it twice before, both in the midsts of orgasm, and Dan had been understanding. Still though, to hear Phil tell him was almost too much. Without thinking, Dan finally pulled Phil into a kiss, sighing happily into the contact. It had been so very long. He carefully placed a hand on Phil’s cheek, dying to feel more.

Phil's breath caught when Dan pulled him into a kiss, lips moulding together in long forgotten contact that Phil had been waiting for for weeks. Dan's hand came up to cup his cheek then, and he could feel Dan's short gasp in his mouth, could feel how happy he was, and Phil laughed against Dan's lips, feeling honestly free right then. His own arms came up to wrap around Dan's neck, dragging him closer as the tension and nervousness finally seemed to be cut. Phil opened his mouth up to Dan, panting slightly, and pulled away only to whisper "I love you," into Dan's mouth once again, not waiting for Dan to reply before he was kissing him again. His skin felt so warm, and his heart felt like it was going to burst, and Phil never wanted to stop touching Dan. Never /wanted/ to stop touching Dan. The fact that he could, that he wasn't being ruled by his body, made him smile even broader into Dan's mouth, and he licked into him, pulling him ever closer still until their chests were pressed together. This was the reunion that Phil had been expecting. That Phil had wanted so badly. And now, he was finally getting it.

Dan hadn’t been kissed like this since the night Phil had left. Sure they’d kissed during there too few visits, but not like this. It had been months since he’d been reminded of what it really felt like to kiss Phil. Dan melted into the feeling, relaxed further as the other’s arms rested around him. He returned the smile, never once breaking their kiss. His mind was constantly reminding him that Phil was actually back, that he wasn’t gone anymore and that they didn’t have to be apart anymore. Dan had long since convinced himself that this was more than a very vivid dream, that it was reality and that nobody was going to rip Phil away again.

Phil sighed as he relaxed further against Dan, tangling their tongues together and sharing their breathing as they kissed. Phil's hands eventually wandered up to cup the back of Dan's head, threading his fingers through his hair to hold him tighter to him, still not wanting to let Dan go. He had a feeling that Dan was going to want to drag back soon enough, but Phil was going to push every last second of his time in this lip lock, fingers running softly through Dan's hair as he went. "I love you," he mumbled again against Dan's lips, just for the sake of it, because now that he was able to say it, he never wanted to stop. "Dan," he whispered, "I love you so much." He knew they had the rest of eternity together now that Phil was out, but that didn't stop the desperation in the way he was holding onto Dan. It felt so surreal. He was still half terrified he was going to be dragged back to the fucking facility, and not be allowed to even hear Dan's voice.

Before he could think about pulling away, Phil’s hands came to the back of Dan’s head, fingers running through his hair. Dan found that didn’t want to part either, not when he’d started to doubt if he’d ever kiss Phil again. “Love you too,” he mumbled into their kiss. Internally, he was silently begging Phil to never leave him again. He didn’t know if he’d be able to handle if Phil ever left. He exhaled softly before having to pull away just so they could get a couple deep breathes in. “I missed you so much,” Dan whispered before pressing their foreheads together.

Phil was panting when Dan finally forced their mouths apart to speak, but he was smiling, despite already missing the contact. "I missed you too. Fuck, Dan, I thought I was going to...it was...I'm sorry. It was hard, having them take you away from me," he whispered, refusing to close his eyes as Dan rested their foreheads together. His hands slipped out of Dan's hair and moved down around Dan's waist to drag them together. "I love you," he said again, smiling. "And I'll never stop saying it, now. I'm never leaving you again, Dan."

“Please don’t,” Dan agreed before wrapping his arms around Phil in exchange. “I thought about you every day though, I missed you more than you could ever realize,” he mumbled before bringing their lips together in a much quicker, lighter kiss. “I don’t ever want you to leave again and I don’t ever want you to stop saying I love you.” If that’s all Dan ever got out of life, it would be more than he’d ever imagined he’d have.

Phil sighed softly into the light kiss, and then let go of Dan just to grab his hand, wanting to be somewhere else, now that he was home. He dragged Dan with him as he walked backwards, smiling sweetly at him. "I'd like to go to bed, now, if that's okay with you. I'd like to stay there, actually, for a while." Phil said. "I really love you, Dan. I missed just...being with you," he whispered, feeling his heart flutter in his chest at the very idea of being with Dan again, close and comfortable. Cuddling, being together...properly. Platonically. Everyway. Phil wanted to be with Dan in every way.

Dan hesitated some as Phil pulled him towards the bedroom. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in bed with Phil. When it came right down to it, that was the only place he wanted to be; in bed, tucked away, falling asleep in each other’s arms again. He’d missed being with Phil just as much. “I uh, started painting. Blue just like you said,” he said, smiling back, nervous and trying to stall them both. “I’m going to finish it at some point, but right now I’ve just got two walls done,” he admitted. “I had a couple days off so I figured I could get it done, but I sort of ran out of time.” He had to have something to do those two days he’d been banned from work. Then of course he’d ran out of time and never found the motivation to finish. Since then, he’d been sleeping in a half blue, half off-white room. “I’ll finish it soon. I’ve got a couple papers laying around, um, I’ll get those picked up,” Dan laughed softly, knowing how he’d gotten into the habit of leaving case papers scattered everywhere.

Phil stopped moving, remembering abruptly that Dan had promised to combine their bedrooms before Phil got home and blinked as he realized that Dan had still been in the middle of it. His lips curved up further, and he laughed. "Yeah?" he asked. "So, our bedroom has case paper all over the floor, and it's currently half blue. Hmm," he hummed, pulling Dan back into his arms. They were just outside /their/ bedroom now. "I think maybe it should stay like that for a while. I just...want...you," he whispered, and then leaned back in to kiss Dan again, more softly than last time, but just as passionate and deep. His eyes slipped closed as his hands moved back up to Dan's hair, holding him close, and pulled away slowly. "I love you," he said again. He'd say it a thousand times more before he was done. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I want to make love to you, Dan. And then, I want to sleep all day, and have three hour breakfasts, and force you to take the next week off, just for me."

“That sounds about right, yeah,” Dan laughed lightly as Phil pegged what their bedroom looked like just then. Then, though, he really did hesitate. Phil wanted to have sex, make love really. Dan suddenly became worried again, unsure if this was really the best thing for Phil. He’d only been home not even an hour. “We don’t have to if you aren’t ready. We can just lay in bed together. It’s not going to bother me either way,” Dan mumbled, “I don’t want…this isn’t something…” he trailed off, not knowing what to say to make it sound right. “This isn’t something we have to jump right back into. It’s not that I wouldn’t love to, I just don’t want to make things hard for you.”

For a moment, Phil felt his heart stop and his smile slip from his lips. Dan was hesitating, and Phil, feeling as vulnerable as he did then, having just come home, having told Dan he loved him after months of trying to force it out, was left heartbroken. Confused. "I. Dan," Phil stuttered, feeling hurt. "I want to," he tried to explain. "I am ready. Dan, I - is this...it's not going to make things hard for me...I - it's not about sex. Us...having sex isn't going to - it's not going to undo everything - I want to make love to you," he whispered, voice growing quieter and quieter the longer he talked. He wanted to be with Dan in whatever capacity he could be, in every capacity, but if it would make Dan feel safer - "We can wait. If...I don't just...I don't need it, not like before, I just...wanted to feel loved. But. But I'm happy with just cuddling, Dan, we don't have to - I'm sorry. Just. Come to bed with me? Hold me? I haven't gotten a good night’s sleep in three months." Phil could feel the sadness seeping in, but he also felt guilty, bad. The first thing he'd asked for, not an hour since he'd gotten home, was sex. How must that have made Dan feel? Everything Phil had done felt like one massive mistake. "I'm sorry. I just want to be with you."

Dan’s heart ached and suddenly, he wished he hadn’t said anything. “I want to be close with you, more than anything. I’ve missed you so much, I missed being with you in every aspect. I want to hold you, to feel your skin against mine, and kiss you. All those things,” Dan said, shaking his head slowly. “I don’t…I don’t want them to take you away again, though. I don’t want to ruin all the hard work you’ve done. I’m just scared. I love you so much, I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that I’d somehow made you relapse or whatever. If you’re ready I…please just don’t let me make a mistake. I still have no idea what to do. Please don’t think I don’t want this more than anything.”

Phil gulped, flicking his eyes up to Dan's and finding the fear there. He could understand Dan's fear, but it was unfounded. Phil having sex wasn't going to make him have to go back. That wasn't what a sex addiction was about, but he guessed he'd never really been able to explain that to Dan, and it had probably hurt Dan as much as it had hurt Phil when they'd cut off their contact with each other. Neither one of them ever wanted to go back through that again. "Its - Dan, making love to you isn't going to change things. Sex addictions aren't about sex, and hiding from sex isn’t - we don't have to be celibate. You don't - you don't have to be afraid to be with me. I....we don't have to do this. Just. I love you. And if you just want to cuddle, I'll understand. I just want to be with you, it doesn't matter how. I love you so much. I've missed you. I've missed your mouth, your hands. I've missed everything about being with you. I - I just want to give you what you gave me before I left. I want to make you feel as loved as you made me feel, and I want to feel connected to you again. I want...everything with you, Dan," Phil explained, moving close to him again. He was peering up at Dan cautiously, carefully, realizing that Dan was the one who needed to be treated like glass right then. "I'm not going to let you make a mistake. Dan...come here."

Dan didn’t know what to say to all of that, instead he willing went into Phil’s embrace, his own arms wrapping around the other’s waist. “I want to, I do,” he mumbled softly. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still scared or worried that he’d unravel everything. He didn’t exactly understand Phil’s addiction as well as he’d thought, but he still trusted Phil. If Phil said that his addiction wasn’t actually about sex, that if wouldn’t change anything if they did have sex, then Dan wanted to trust him. “Promise, right?” he asked before pressing another couple of kisses to Phil’s lips. “I want to make to love to you, to show you how much I’ve missed you, to make you feel loved all over again,” he sighed. “But I don’t care either way. I don’t care what we do as long as I can hold you for hours and never let go.”

Phil sighed, realizing tonight was probably not the best night. Dan felt so fragile in his arms; concerned, and rightfully so. He was completely out of the loop for what was wrong with Phil, why he'd had such a need to have sex in the first place. Phil closed his eyes, meeting every single kiss from Dan with his own. They should talk first, as little as Phil wanted that. They should talk about what they'd both just gone through, and then, eventually, they could get back to being intimate. "Promise," he eventually mumbled. "Come on. Let's just - let’s just lay in bed, for now. You probably have so many questions for me. We can...we can wait, okay, baby?" Phil offered, kissing Dan again sweetly, softly, before finally leading him back and into Dan's - /their/ room. "I don't - I don't want to do this if you aren't ready," he said, even as his eyes scanned over the half completed room. He couldn't help smiling to see his clothes mixed in with Dan's wardrobe. "And you're not comfortable yet. That's okay. I understand. I love you. We can have sex anytime. I just want to be with you."

Dan couldn’t help but feel like he’d let Phil down. He knew this wasn’t the welcome Phil thought he’d be returning home too. First, Dan had been too shocked to say anything, and now he was telling Phil how afraid he was to have sex with him. Phil was right though, Dan had many questions he felt like he needed answers to. Mainly, he just wanted to hold Phil close to him, to tangle their legs together and let himself be reminded of what it felt like to have the other so close. “With you, it’s so much more than sex,” Dan mumbled before letting himself sit at the edge of the bed, already pulling Phil down into his lap. “Always has been, and I know it always will be. I love you so much. You were gone for so long, I’m terrified to make you leave again,” Dan confessed. “I still don’t understand a whole lot about the addiction or why you felt you needed to have sex. I think I’ve had sort of a misguided conception of it. I missed you every day though. I started to wonder if you were ever coming home. I think I’m okay now though.”

Phil ducked his head, hiding his face as he felt his cheeks light up. He felt so comfortable on Dan's lap, though, and was so happy to be there again, with his legs resting on the bed and his bum on Dan. Everything Dan was saying made him feel special and made the sting of slight rejection go away. "Its...always just been sex to me. Any sex, not just with you, but then you made love to me and it was like you'd changed my whole world. I just...want that again. I've missed you. Now that it's not /just/ sex I just...really wanted it. But...I'll answer all your questions first. Tell me what your thoughts were? Maybe we can start there, as long as you don't make me move," he teased, resting his arms over Dan's shoulders to hold him close. "For a while...I didn't know if I'd ever see you again."

Dan’s hands were around the other’s waist as he kept him close. He was feeling somewhat reassured again as he started to accept the fact that they could have sex and it wouldn’t be like relapsing for Phil. He didn’t really know how though. The concept was a bit much for Dan at the moment. “I don’t know, I just assumed you needed sex. I don’t know what about it made you want it or need it, and I don’t know why you needed it to function,” he mumbled in return. Dan didn’t know why Phil /needed/ sex. He couldn’t understand what it was about having sex that Phil had craved so desperately. It was nice, but Dan had never went out on the streets looking for it. He’d never not been able to function or need it at certain times.

Phil bit his lip, trying to come up with the best way possible to explain this to Dan. "Sex addictions deal with abandonment and loneliness. When my parents died, I felt abandoned, which resulted in me going and looking for comfort. At first, I just wanted to be loved, but my first boyfriend was just using me. He broke my heart in the worst way possible, and made me think that the only thing anyone would ever want from me would be sex. I was lonely, Dan. My brother was just as angry as me that someone had caused our parents death, but I - I was made to believe all I would ever be good for was sex, so...instead of looking for love when I felt abandoned or lonely, I sought out sex, until the urges had taken over, and anytime it felt like it had been too long, my body craved sex. That's what the therapy was for. To...help reveal the underlying cause. I needed to deal with what happened to me if I...wanted to be normal." Phil wasn't looking at Dan as he explained. Instead, he had his face buried in Dan's neck, pulled back just enough he could make sure Dan would hear every word of what he said.

He listened carefully as Phil explained what the reason for his addiction was, where it had stemmed from, and how it had progressed. It was heartbreaking knowing that Phil had thought that of himself, believed that the only thing he was useful for was sex. He kept his arms tightly around Phil, wanting to comfort the other and let him know that Dan understood. “You know now that you aren’t, right?” Dan asked softly. “You’re so much more than that. You’re brilliant, beautiful, kind, sweet, talented, and you’re perfect.” Dan didn’t want to think about how Phil had been so hurt that he’d needed to turn to sex as a replacement for love, and then eventually just accepted that he couldn’t have love. “I love you,” he mumbled. “You don’t ever have to feel like that again.”

Phil sighed softly as Dan pulled him in, whispering comforting words into his ear. "I know," he agreed, blushing immediately as Dan began to compliment him. He could feel his chest tightening, filling with that familiar warmth, and chuckled gently. "No I'm not," he teased. He knew that maybe Dan believed all of that of him, but it was difficult for Phil to grasp. Therapy had helped him start accepting that he was more than what he'd been made to believe, and he truly had gotten over being told that he would never be loved, but it was still difficult to agree with Dan. Phil didn't feel any more special than just Phil, only now, he also knew he was so much more than his body. Dan didn't want him just because of their sex life. Dan could do without it, Phil knew that now, and that was all that mattered to him. "I love you, too. I know, Dan," he murmured softly. "But you don't have anything to be afraid of, okay? I'm better. I - when I feel lonely, I have you to talk to, a therapist to talk to. I know not to just...just seek out sex, because that's not going to help me. That's not what I need. I just need love, and I know you, Martin, Cornelia, will give that to me. so...I'm okay. I'm better. I'm getting there. Nothing's perfect, but the urges are gone, and I'm able to go days without thinking that I /need/ sex. My body doesn't crave it anymore. But I know I'll still enjoy it, and I still /want/ you, just...now, it's not a need. It's a desire."

Dan was glad the rehab program had at least helped Phil in that sense. It was good that Phil understood that he would never not have love in his life. If he understood that and realized that sex wouldn’t help him fill any kind of void, then it was worth it. Phil had a support system, people he could turn to when he was unsure or needed to know he was cared about. Sex didn’t have to be something he /needed/; instead, it could be something he shared and found pleasure in with Dan. Dan sighed softly before pressing their foreheads together again. He closed his eyes and just let himself take in the feeling of Phil being so close. It almost didn’t feel real though. Dan’s mind struggled to accept the fact that Phil wasn’t going anywhere again.

Phil smiled as Dan drew him closer, pressing their foreheads together. He could practically feel through the way Dan was holding him just how much Dan needed him close, how hard it was for Dan to understand that Phil was /actually/ here. Phil could understand that. He was struggling to believe that he was actually here himself. He closed his eyes and leaned into Dan's arms, still holding him tightly around the neck, and just breathed with him. "What were they telling you? I know you were still calling, even if they tried to tell me you weren't. I knew you still cared. Martin told me he talked to you some, when he came for...family therapy. I kept expecting them to bring you, but they never did. I'm sorry. Was it hard? They wouldn't let me get in contact with you after - after...did they tell you what happened?"

Dan shrugged some, or did the best he could with his arms around Phil. “They told me you were still there and still working on your program. That you were fine, making progress.” That was pretty much the extent of what he’d been told. They’d stopped keeping Dan in the loop after they’d told him about the incident between Phil and the other resident. He hadn’t really understood why they’d felt the need to stop giving out details. He stopped trying to ask for more information when he realized they weren’t going to give it to him. There hadn’t been much he could do about it. “They did. I got pretty angry. That was around then when they stopped filling me in on how you were doing. They just told me you were fine.”

"I wasn't really fine," Phil mumbled in response, nosing at Dan softly. "I wasn't bad but - I could have been better, with you. They should have told you more because you're my boyfriend - you shouldn't have been left out of the loop, especially after....Martin said you weren't mad at me. My roommate tried to - he wanted to have sex with me but I -" Phil stopped. He doubted anyone had told Dan the whole story, and he deserved to know. "I almost did, Dan, but I just wanted you. All I could think of was you, and I wanted to get better, not give in, so I threw him off, and hit a nurse, and...it was bad, Dan. I kept asking for you, but they didn't care." He nuzzled Dan again, wanting comfort that he hadn't gotten after the incident.

Dan was relieved that Phil hadn’t wanted his roommate and that he hadn’t given in to temptation. Still, it was hard to hear Phil talk about it. The facility had been meant to be a safe place, a place to get better, not be sexually assaulted. “I’m proud of you. I’m sorry that happened though,” Dan whispered as he ran his hands up and down Phil’s back. “I wish I could have done something, I only knew a bit of what happened.” He sighed again, hating how he should have been there but hadn’t been able to.

Phil shook his head. "It's not your fault, Dan. It's theirs. That shouldn't have happened at all," Phil argued, but he was enjoying the feeling of Dan petting him regardless. "I thought you deserved to know the full story, though. They put me back in solitary for it, even when I asked for you, and wouldn't let me out until I explained what happened. I thought they would let me see you after, but they didn't. No phone calls either. But I'm home now. I had to fight for it, but I'm home."

It hurt even more knowing that Phil had needed him and Dan hadn’t been there. He hadn’t been given the option of being there. In reality though, he should have been the one comforting Phil, telling him it was alright and promising him that it wasn’t his fault. He would have let him know that everything would be okay. He could now though, and he wouldn’t ever miss another opportunity. “You are,” he nodded softly before giving Phil a small smile.

Phil sighed, pushing Dan backwards so he was straddling Dan on their bed. Just the thought of having Dan laid out for him like this made him smile, and he ducked down to cuddle better into Dan's neck, whole body sprawled out on top of Dan's comfortably. "Did you have any other questions?" He asked, mumbling it against Dan's neck.

"No, I think that's all the questions I had," Dan hummed, not being able to hide his smile. It felt so good just to have Phil close, to get the contact he'd missed for months. Phil was warm, solid, and familiar. "I love you," he whispered for good measure before resting a cheek against Phil's head. This was how things were meant to be. Phil should always be right there with him.

Phil sighed, glad for that. He didn't want to think about the clinic anymore. He just wanted to think about Dan. "Good. I love you too. How have you been? I haven't gotten to hear about you at all," Phil complained, nuzzling Dan some more and inhaling the sweet scent of his skin. "How has the last month been? I missed talking to you. Have you seen your friends? How are you parents? I want to know everything," Phil whined, pulled away from Dan and climbing away so he could push Dan into a more comfortable position fully on the bed. Then, he climbed back on top of him and re-situated himself, pressed against him, but more into his side, rather than smothering him.

Dan’s arms were around Phil the moment he tucked himself up into his side. He wasted no time tangling their legs together as well and nuzzling Phil in return. “They’re fine. I think my mum is starting to wonder where you are, but you’re back so it doesn’t matter. I’ve just been busy really, been trying to keep my mind off things,” Dan said carefully. It wasn’t a lie, that’s what he’d been doing. Maybe he’d been working more than he admittedly should have been, and he might have gotten kicked out of his office a time or two, but Phil didn’t need ot know that. He’d found a way to stay preoccupied, that was all that mattered. “PJ and Chris are fine. I’ve talked to them on the phone some, we haven’t really gone out or anything though.”

Phil hummed. He’d known Dan's mum would get suspicious, and it didn't surprise him that she'd been getting antsy, but he hoped she wouldn't grill him too much at their next dinner or lunch. He was a little suspicious about Dan saying he'd been busy with work, though. "If I were to talk to your dad, would he be telling me things were worse than you're letting on?" Phil accused. "I have this feeling you've been binge working," he murmured, concerned. "You can't just do that," he complained, worried.

“He exaggerates things,” Dan mumbled, pulling Phil in even closer. He sighed again, his eyes falling shut in the process. “It was hard to be home alone. I work because I can’t stand being without you. I don’t do too well on my own and at least when I stay busy, I don’t have time to be miserable. I just get through the day,” he finished softly. He’d rather work until he couldn’t keep his eyes open than lay in bed and think about how being away from Phil was killing him. He didn’t have to dwell on his raw heart that way. Instead, he could pass out the minute his head hit the pillow.

Phil bit his lip. He could understand that. He hadn’t had that luxury when he was getting help, though. Most of the time, they were insisting he talk about his feelings instead, and it had been hard for him to escape his longing for Dan. "Okay, fine, but...as long as I'm around, you aren't allowed to be a workaholic," Phil demanded, staring sternly down at Dan until Dan nodded in agreement. "So. About the room," Phil said, changing the subject. Two of the far walls from the bed were blue, but the rest of the room was cream, and Phil kind of liked it. "Did you want the whole thing to be one color? And I'm guessing you painted it yourself. It looks nice. Cosy. And I see you've already moved all my clothes over." Despite not wanting to be apart from Dan at all, Phil sat up to look around. "You really want this to be ours?" he asked, hesitating not because that wasn't exactly what he wanted, but because he didn't want to take Dan's private space from him.

“I didn’t really plan on painting it myself,” Dan said as he shifted to sit up some as well. “My dad kicked me out of the firm for a couple days and nobody would email me take home work,” he said, frowning as he remembered how infuriating it had been to have his own secretary agree not to send him anything. “I guess I got a little…manic. I wanted it to be all blue, but I didn’t finish before I could go back to work and it sort of got pushed to the side,” Dan mumbled, looking around the room as well. “I figured I could get a head start on moving in you. I hope you don’t mind.” Dan had more or less started the project and lost the extra time to finish it, leaving the room looking somewhat chaotic. “I really do want this to be ours,” he whispered. “I want it to be our space, our bedroom, and our closet. Together. Nothing would make me happier than to share this with you.”

Phil frowned as he turned to look at Dan, giving him what he hoped was a quelling look for him working so hard his father actually kicked him out. "Dan," he stated. "You can't -" he cut himself off, realizing that there was no point in lecturing Dan. Dan probably already felt bad enough, and Phil understood that Dan had been doing his best to stay busy and not have to worry and think about Phil. "Of course I don't mind," Phil ended up mumbling instead, sighing and leaning back into Dan's arms. "One of the things I was looking forward to the most was sharing a room with you, so. Even if it is a little chaotic right now, I love it. And I'll love it even if you want to keep it half blue, half cream. I just. Want it to be us. I had an idea for the spare, as well. Maybe we could turn it into an office for both of us? So I can work on my zine, and you can work on case files when you get busy," Phil suggested, crawling over Dan to straddle him again, and resting his hands on Dan's chest. It was comforting to be situated like this on Dan again after so long. It was just...comfortable. Intimate. And intimate is what Phil needed, with or without the actual sex. He just wanted to stay in Dan's arms.

Dan sighed deeply as Phil rested his hands against his chest. Automatically, he pressed his hands into Phil’s sides and smiled. “I think an office would be good, I’d like that a lot actually. I don’t care what the color of this room is, though. All that matters is that it’s ours and you’re here with me,” he agreed. He couldn’t think of anything he wanted more at the moment. He glanced around the room again before looking back at Phil. “Or maybe we could paint the rest of it together?”

Phil grinned, suddenly excited at the very idea of that. "Yes!" he exclaimed. "I'd love that. It sounds like something really fun for us," he agreed, leaning down to kiss Dan sweetly, and pulling back with another grin. "Could be an adventure. I could get paint all over you, and you couldn't even get mad, because it was an accident."

"Okay well, I'm not sure how it's going to be an accident when you just told me what you were planning," Dan laughed lightly before moving his hands to run them up and down Phil's back instead. "It could be fun though. It wouldn't take us too long since I've already got half done."

Phil smirked. "That's the beauty of it," Phil explained. "You know it's coming, so I fully expect to have a war," he teased, sighing into the soft touches Dan was giving him. "Nah, but we can make a day of it. We'll finish moving my stuff here, and turn my room into the office space, and after, we can take a steamy shower together and rest in our new home," he explained, already growing excited about it.

"We can do all of those things," Dan agreed, thinking about how nice it sounded to hear Phil call it their home. He didn't ever want it any other way."I love you," he said again softly, leaning up some so that he could connect their lips again. He wished there was a word stronger than love.

Phil kissed Dan back softly, sinking into the feeling of Dan's lips on his, and wanting to make-out for hours just to make up for all the time he'd been away from Dan, unable to just enjoy the feeling of Dan pressed against him. He sighed into the lip lock and lowered himself to better be pressed up against Dan, moving his hands to cup Dan's cheeks and hold him close. "I love you too," he mumbled against Dan's lips. "Feels like I always have,” he added, laughing a bit.

Dan smiled again, letting himself enjoy the moment. “I’ll never get over how good it sounds to hear you say it though,” he hummed gently as he pressed a small couple of kisses to Phil’s jaw. Even though it had only been a couple months so far, it felt like years to him. “I can’t wait to paint the room, to change the spare into an office, to get all of your things in here, just everything. I’m excited to start our lives together.” Now it finally felt like they could.

Phil shuddered in bliss at the feeling of Dan pressing kisses down his jaw, because the action was just as sweet as when Dan pressed kisses to the corner of his mouth rather than actually on his mouth. "II feel like I’m finally free from everything in my past, and for the first time, I feel like I can truly love you. I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to start over with you either," Phil whispered against the skin of Dan's jaw, trailing kisses down the curve of it and up to Dan's ear, where he stopped to breathe "I love you," for the millionth time that night alone.

There were those perfect words again. Dan’s smile only grew before he moved away some, just enough to give Phil a proper kiss this time. Despite everything, Dan had missed the intimacy. He’d missed everything about the other of course, but he’d certainly missed what they shared when they had sex together. He moved his lips slowly against Phil’s, memorizing them all over again.

Phil sighed into the lip lock again, feeling his skin began to buzz appreciatively, warmly. He'd missed this. Dan was always so gentle with him, but never more so than since they'd gotten together. Phil used to crave aggression, heated kisses and rough thrusts, nails against his skin. He probably still would enjoy those things, but right now, and especially lately, there was nothing Phil enjoyed more than gentle lips against his, and the glide of Dan's soft hands against his body. He mewled softly as Dan licked into his mouth deeper, never changing the pace, but definitely changing the mood of their kiss. Heat began to race through Phil's body, and he pulled away from Dan, not wanting to get excited if that's not where Dan was comfortable taking things tonight. "Maybe we shouldn't, unless you actually want to...?" Phil asked, hesitant. He understood Dan's fear. He knew it was largely because Dan didn't want to mess up the months Phil had been away, but Phil had a feeling, deep down, that Dan was also terrified that this would always be one of the only things Phil would ever want. So much of their previous relationship, even before they'd given it its proper label as Phil now realized they'd always kind of been together even before Phil had admitted his feelings to himself, had been purely about sex. Once they had gotten together, they'd jumped straight back into sex, and not long after, Phil had been taken away. It wouldn't surprise Phil if Dan wanted to test the waters, be certain that Phil wanted more than that with him - and he did. He’d be happy to wait and prove that to Dan.

Dan was disappointed when Phil pulled away, but he understood. A moment ago, he’d been too worried to even think about having sex. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” Dan answered softly. “I’m nervous,” he admitted, but pulled Phil closer once again. For a while, Dan thought that sex had been the one thing keeping Phil there with him. Feelings were not optional, and Dan had had to promise Phil that he wouldn’t fall in love. Of course by that time, he already had. Still, Dan didn’t think that this was all Phil wanted. He knew it wasn’t. Phil had proved it by going to rehab and all of the things he’d done in between. Phil had to want him for more than just sex or he wouldn’t have bothered to stay, he wouldn’t have gone to treatment, he wouldn’t have come once he was better. “You want this, right?” he asked, licking his suddenly dry lips. “We don’t have to have sex to show each other love. I can still hold you, kiss you, and take care of you. I can think of a million other things I can do to show you how much I care for you. But I want this too. I know you said I wouldn’t ruin anything, and that’s all I really needed. I want to make love to you.”

Phil watched Dan slowly, carefully taking in his words and hyper aware of every way in which they were touching. Dan was bright eyed, earnest, and he made everything seem a thousand times better by assuring Phil that he could make Phil feel loved just as easily by cuddling and kissing him. Phil knew that, but hearing it made it more real. He sighed, smiling. "I want too. I know you could show me in everything you do, but...I want to make love to you, too. I want...to be intimate. Close. After being away so long, I just want to feel connected again. I want...just being with you is wonderful, but the last person to touch me wasn't you, and I didn't want it, and I still feel kind of violated, and I just. Want to feel like I belong to you again," Phil explained, watching Dan carefully. "I love you. I want to be connected to you again,” he repeated, swallowing nervously.

Dan listened carefully as Phil explained how he was feeling. His heart sped up some, still nervous but more than ready to feel that connection again. He wanted this. Everything Phil was saying, he wanted too. Even if they didn’t do anything tonight, eventually they would. Dan knew that. He couldn’t and didn’t want to avoid intimacy with Phil. Dan couldn’t just assume he’d undo months of therapy. Even Phil had said it wouldn’t happen like that. “I love you too. Anything you want,” he promised softly.

Phil ducked his head into Dan's neck again, and just breathed. Honestly, he wanted everything, but he wanted Dan above all else. He ran his hands over Dan's sides, up until he was cupping his cheeks again, and moved to resettle his body over Dan's. "Can you just...claim me?" he asked, hesitant. "Not like, aggressively. Just. I want to feel like yours. I want to make love to you, but I want you to make love to me, too. I want...to feel like we belong to each other. To just kind of disappear into our own world where nothing matters except us. I want to forget that I've ever been with anyone else, if only for a little while," Phil explained, face hovering over Dan's again now, and watching those soft, sweet eyes he'd missed staring into so much. "I didn't say quite what I meant earlier. Sex with you was never /just/ sex. Sex has always /just/ been sex, but...ever since I met you, it's always been different, better. I know I just said I wanted to forget, but. I think I was always enamoured with you. Because even back when I worked as a call boy, even they could tell you were dangerous for me. I...called your name, during sex with another client, because all I could think of was you. Now I want it to only be you. Yeah, it's dumb to want to forget my past, but. I just want to be surrounded by you, even for just a little while. I want it to have always been you. Just you," Phil attempted to explain as best he could.

“I can do that,” Dan whispered back while he let his hands run up and down Phil’s sides. “You are mine. We belong to each other. No matter what, you’re mine and I’m yours,” he promised gently. “I can make you forget.” Dan knew that he could erase every touch that wasn’t his, every kiss, every word. He could do it all with gentle kisses and slow loving caresses. He’d always had an attraction for Phil, but mainly it was unconditional love. He’d still do anything the other asked of him. “From now on, the only person who can love you like this is me, and you’ll be the only person for me,” Dan sighed gently as he slowly moved his fingers just under Phil’s shirt. “Not only that, but I’ll make you feel like you’re mine. Like you’ve never been with anyone else before.”

Phil shivered, the feeling of Dan's fingers gently running up and down his sides, eventually sliding up under his shirt, making him feel warm and fuzzy and ridiculously hot all over. He could feel himself starting to get interested again, but it wasn't the same kind of feeling he used to get. He could feel the difference, and it was lovely. It was amazing to know he wanted Dan, and didn't just need him obsessively. He felt...loved as Dan spoke lowly to him, his voice soft as always, gentle, understanding, and Phil suddenly felt less ridiculous about everything he'd just said and tried to explain. Slowly, he sat up on Dan's body, and moved to hitch his legs over his waist, sitting right over his crotch. He pulled his shirt over his head, feeling the cool air hit his sweat dampened skin, and then Dan's hands were on his body again. "Okay," he agreed. "I'll only ever love you, Dan. I'll only ever be with you." Leaning over, Phil kissed Dan sweetly, and sunk into his boyfriend's body, his mouth.

He couldn’t even feel guilty about Phil promising him those things, because he knew this time he wasn’t stepping over any lines or boundaries. This was the way it belonged. For once, Dan didn’t feel like he was pushing or intruding. He ran his tongue over Phil’s lips, silently asking for entrance. Then his tongue was pushing against Phil’s, licking hotly into his mouth. “Only you,” Dan whispered back against the other’s lips. He moved his hands against Phil’s skin, his fingers brushing over his nipples. “You’re so beautiful,” he hummed, nearly having forgotten how perfect the sight of Phil was. He pulled his lips even further away so that he could press delicate kisses against Phil’s neck for a moment or two, until he was sucking softly and nipping so that he could leave small bruises against pale skin.

Little sounds kept pushing past Phil's lips as Dan kissed him, running his hands over Phil's skin before pulling back. Even then, the sounds didn't really end. Phil was humming, practically, and mewling at every little word that Dan said, until Dan was pressing in to kiss at his neck, nipping so softly that Phil could only shiver in pleasure. His hands came up to run under Dan's shirt - one of Phil's own, he realized, now that he was actually paying attention to what Dan was wearing, rather than just his face, and how nice it felt to be back in his arms. He laughed, fingering the hem, and loving that he could /laugh/ during sex. Things didn't always have to be passionate and a means towards an end. Sometimes, it was just sweet, gentle caressing, giggles and soft kisses, lazy moments coming together until one or both of them came. "You're wearing my shirt," he teased Dan, hitching it up so he could pet Dan's stomach while Dan continued to trail kisses down his neck, down his collarbones, his mouth wet and hot, but so, so good. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be touched so thoroughly by Dan, loved so much. He never wanted to be away from Dan for so long again.

“Mhmm,” Dan smiled against Phil’s skin before continuing to press his lips there, sucking and kissing as much skin as he could. “Missed you so much,” he sighed, pausing every so often to say what he wanted. The feeling of Phil’s hands sliding against his stomach made him shudder silently, a certain wanting starting to build under his skin. It didn’t take long before Dan was tugging his own shirt over his head and letting it fall to the floor as he pulled Phil back into a heated kiss, his fingers again brushing over Phil’s nipples, circling his navel, and making their way lower to trace the hem of his jeans. “I’ve waited so long for you,” he mumbled against a set of perfect lips.

Phil laughed again as Dan merely agreed, admitting easily that he was indeed wearing Phil's shirt, admitting openly that he'd missed Phil so much that he'd resorted to wearing his clothing. Phil could feel his lips curving up in a soft grin as he continued to kiss Phil, trailing his kisses down and over his body, still sucking lightly here and there. Phil could feel Dan's tongue laving at him, and whimpered softly, hands pushing up further under Dan's - his - shirt. Dan pulled back, sitting up slightly, to yank said shirt over his head, and then he was immediately pressing back in to pull Phil into a heated kiss, his mouth molding hotly to Phil's. Phil whined, arching his back as Dan's fingers brushed up against his nipples, playing with his navel, before moving to trace at his jeans. His hips stuttered at the feeling, his body filling with heat, and he moaned softly into Dan's mouth at his words. "I should make you wait longer," he teased, but he didn't mean it. He'd waited for Dan for so long as well. Shifting off of Dan, Phil moved to start shucking his jeans off, all the while pressing kisses into Dan's now exposed collarbone. With Dan's mouth less of a distraction, Phil could get back to focusing on Dan, and he wanted to love every inch of the tanned skin underneath him. "You're so perfect, Dan, so wonderful, so mine," he murmured against Dan's skin, gentle in his own fluttery kisses down Dan's torso.

“I think I might cry if you make me wait any longer,” Dan said, gasping softly as Phil’s lips made their way to his collarbone. He closed his eyes as he concentrated on the feeling of lips trailing further down. He’d waited so long, he might actually be devastated if Phil did drag this out. Not that he wouldn’t love it though. “I’m just so happy you’re here,” he whispered, his hands finding their way back to Phil’s skin. “You have no idea how good it is to touch you again, to love you,” he mumbled as he forced his eyes back open. He couldn’t take his eyes off Phil and how perfect he ways in every single way. He wondered if he might cry regardless because of how amazing it was to have Phil back in his arms. “Always yours.”

Phil chuckled, having finally managed to kick off his jeans, leaving him in nothing but his boxers, hands moving to caress up and down Dan's sides before finally pressing against the zipper and button of his jeans to pull them away. He undid them quickly, moving his gaze from all of Dan's golden brown skin to his eyes. They were wet, and Dan was watching him carefully, his own hands grasping at Phil's sides. Phil's brow furrowed. "Dan," he whispered, only realizing now just how much it had hurt Dan to have Phil gone from him for so long. He leaned in to kiss his lips properly, sweetly, and tried to show Dan just how much he loved him with the motions of his mouth alone. He didn't pull away until Dan gasped, and then he watched him carefully, tilting his head with a small smile. "I love you," he whispered. "What do you want?" he asked, finally beginning to work Dan's pants off of him as well

So maybe his eyes had started to water some. Months without Phil had left him weak and on edge already. To have him suddenly back had created a swell of emotions. Somehow, his world had been righted again and Phil was there, with him, and telling him how he loved him. It was almost too much to handle. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been happier and more relived. “I love you too,” he whispered, his breath hitching as Phil began to work on his jeans. “I want you so much,” he mumbled, pulling his bottom lip between his mouth “I want whatever you’ll give me,” he answered softly. He wanted everything at once and at the same time he only wanted Phil. He wanted to be inside him, to have their lips connected, to feel in him the most intimate of ways. Dan wanted to be connected in ways they hadn’t been in ages.

"I'm going to ride you, then," Phil whispered, waiting until Dan nodded his head before moving any further, but when he did, he leaned back in to kiss him again, running his hands up Dan's sides to cup his cheeks, massaging away the tears that had managed to slip away. He was usually the crier. He'd spent so much time crying with Dan that it was strange to see Dan the vulnerable one instead. He moved to pet Dan's body, wanting to touch every inch of him, and dragged his mouth from Dan's to pepper sweet kisses all over his cheeks and forehead. He sighed softly, and took Dan's hands, encouraging Dan to pet him too.

“Please do,” Dan agreed softly before taking Phil’s lead and running his hands over every inch of skin. He groaned softly as he thought about how it would feel to be inside of Phil again, to finally be able to cherish his body in the way he’d missed. His fingers brushed against dusky nipples before once again toying with his navel. “God, I love you,” he mumbled, already arching his back some to see if he could find that friction he was looking for. “I know I keep saying it…” he trailed off, his hands now resting against Phil’s hips. “I just need to know you know.”

Phil mewled as Dan finally started touching him the way he'd wanted, his hands moving up and over Phil's back, stopping to play with his nipples, and then pushing around his sensitive navel. He arched his hips up at the same time as Dan arched back, and heard them both groan in unison at the pleasure that brought them. "Never want you to stop saying it," Phil disagreed, "even if I do know," he added, growing impatient, but wanting to enjoy this nonetheless. "Want you to fill me up with your cum, press it inside and force it to stay there. Want to belong to you," Phil continued, now grinding on Dan and trailing kisses up his neck again. He bit down, sucking, and left his mark as their hips continued to roll together.

“You always know just what to say,” Dan groaned as he moved his hips against Phil’s again. “Always know just what’s going to make me beg.” That had always seemed to be a skill the other had. “I want to fill you up, make you mine all over again,” Dan promised as he moved his neck some, giving Phil a little more room to work with. He didn’t know how much more of this grinding he could take though. Already, he was hard and needy, his cock pulsing. However, he wanted this to be slow, he wanted this to last and be something they remembered.

Dan arched his neck, and Phil took the invitation for what it was, trailing his lips deeper into the hollow to suck. He didn't care if Dan had to see clients all marked up by Phil. In fact, Phil wanted him too. He wanted everyone to know that Dan belonged to someone, to /Phil./ It was amazing enough that Phil got to know that. He needed the world to see too. His hips continued rolling as his mouth moved, laving and sucking at Dan's neck until Dan whined. Phil pulled away. "Wait. No. I want...so much more," he panted, knowing his face was probably just as dark as he thought it was. He was flushed with want, but he didn't just want to grind on each other like horny teenagers. He wanted to make love to Dan, ride him, press his body fully into Dan's. Phil shifted backwards, taking Dan's hands in his and pulling until they were both sitting, and wrapped his legs around Dan's waist. He could feel Dan's rock hard erection pressing to his bum through the thin cotton of his boxers. "Kiss me," he requested, soft.

Dan couldn’t agree more with that. He let Phil pull and maneuver them some until they were sitting, Phil’s legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. Dan wasted no time pressing their lips together in another heated kiss. His hands rested against the back of Phil’s neck as he licked into that perfect mouth of his. This was better than he’d ever expected it could have been. If he’d told himself months ago that they’d be sharing something so special, Dan didn’t know if he’d have been able to believe it. He nipped gently at Phil’s lips while he carded his hands through dark thick hair, sucking the other’s lower lip into his mouth.

Phil gasped as Dan invaded his mouth in the best way possible, his lips a gentle but heated suction against Phil's as he nipped and sucked at Phil's bottom lip. Phil moaned softly, trying to still himself from grinding into Dan anymore. Dan's hands felt amazing carding through his hair though, and Phil ended up winding his own hands into Dan's hair while he resituated himself to fully sit in Dan's lap. "Dan," he whispered against his lips, pulling back, and surging back in just to nip at Dan's lips before reinstating the kiss. "God, I missed you," he complained, feeling his heart race with affection already.

“Missed you too,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s mouth. It was hard to keep himself still when Phil’s ass was seated right against his cock. Dan was aching, but for once he welcomed that sensation. “Didn’t know what to do without you,” he sighed, moving his hands to run them gently against Phil’s cheek. “Hated being without you.” Dan finally pulled away some, enough so he could trail kisses against the other’s neck.

Phil sighed, mewling and tilting his neck to give Dan more room to suck at his sensitive skin. "Neither did I, not that I had much choice," he agreed, laughing. He moaned when Dan bit down, laving at the skin with his tongue, and Phil pushed his head back even more, moving his hands to run them down Dan's back. He used his nails the tiniest bit, and soothed over it as an excuse to touch more of Dan. His hips started moving that tiny bit, but when Dan pulled back from his neck, Phil claimed his mouth again. He ran his tongue over Dan's lips softly, rolling his hips more and already thinking about the lube he would need to leave and get. "Get on top of me," he requested when he pulled back, already beginning to use his grip on Dan's hair to urge them backward. "Still wanna ride you, but I want you to prep me," he decided.

Dan didn’t need to be told twice. Within a few seconds, he had Phil against the mattress and he was straddling the other’s hips. Phil had never looked so good under him before. It was like he’d forgotten just how much sex appeal Phil had naturally. It was even better knowing that he’d be the only one who got to enjoy it. His hands ran up and down Phil’s chest again as he sighed softly, admiring how flawless his skin was. “I want to make you feel good,” Dan whispered. “It’s been a while,” he added as he shifted further down Phil’s body. He’d be careful with Phil, treat him like glass in order not hurt him. That was the last thing he wanted.

Phil sighed. He knew Dan would take good care of him, and his whole body felt like it was on fire already just from their nearly naked bodies pressing together, and Dan's hands against his chest. "Been too long," he agreed. "Been too long just since I've gotten to see you," he added, complaining. "Or touch you, or kiss you, or just be with you," he breathed, as Dan's hands suddenly came down to brush delicately over his thighs. He shifted and pulled his legs up, helping Dan as he bunched his hands under phil's boxers to start helping him pull them away. "Didn't get much time with you once we became a couple, did I?" he asked, trying the word out on his tongue. "Want my boyfriend to make love to me," he continued, just to taste the words on his lips.

Dan shuddered silently at Phil’s words. Dan was instantly filled with a combination of lust and affection, just like making love should be. He was Phil’s boyfriend, they were a couple. It sounded so good. “No, we didn’t,” he smiled back softly as he finally moved to pull Phil’s boxers all the way off. Then he moved further down until he could press kisses against the other’s legs, then his knees, and finally his thighs. “Just a second,” he hummed, forcing himself to climb off the bed and find the bottle of lube he hadn’t used in months.

Phil's legs were shaking, and his body was filled with warmth as Dan kissed his legs. He hadn't had this kind of affection or attention since before he'd gone away, and it was making his whole body tingle with love. He propped himself up on his elbows as Dan climbed off of him just to watch his boyfriend go to try and find the lube. Dan was still in his boxers, but Phil watched his butt swaying regardless, smiling to himself and giggling when Dan very obviously had to go searching for the lube. It made Phil irrationally happy to realize that Dan had indeed been with no one but him since he'd gone. "Misplace it?" he teased. "Hope you didn't send it off with the wrong partner," he added, even though he knew that Dan had not been with anyone else.

Dan laughed lightly before shaking his head. “No, I just haven’t seen it in about three months,” he explained before finally managing to find it. “See, right here,” he smiled as he moved to lower himself back down to the bed. “Alright, now where were we?” he teased again before moving to kiss at Phil’s navel, his tongue flicking inside every so often. His hands were back against pale thighs, eventually moving them right to where he wanted them to be. Dan pulled away some, almost feeling shy all of a sudden. He popped open the cap of the lube and poured some into his hands, coating his fingers thickly.

Phil's heart soared, and a smile stretched wide across his cheeks as Dan turned back to him, finally having found the lube. Just having Dan /say/ that he hadn't used the lube since he'd last seen Phil was so amazing. He'd known, /of course he'd known,/ but there was something special about being told, reassured, even if Dan didn't realize that that was what he was doing. "You were going to stretch me for you," he replied, gasping when Dan moved to tongue at his navel. His back arched, pressing his tummy into Dan more, and it felt so intimate, so loving. Phil had gained weight since he'd moved in with Dan, and he'd worked to keep eating properly over the months in the facility despite being too angry to eat sometimes, but Dan didn't make him feel self conscious as he loved at Phil's belly, hands pulling Phil's thighs apart. He felt loved, all of him. It was something that reminded him just how different it was being with Dan, being with someone who truly loved him. Phil watched as Dan slowly coated his fingers, and called his name when Dan looked at him shyly. "It's just me. I love you," he stated softly, even though he knew that was probably the exact reason Dan was hesitating. This was something more for both of them than just a quick fuck.

“That’s what makes it matter so much more,” Dan answered just as softly. Phil was the reason he was careful, made sure to take his time, and made sure he was cherishing every inch of his body. He wanted Phil to know just how wonderful his body was. He was discovering Phil all over again, and he knew it was one of the most important things he’d ever done. “You’re so beautiful and I want to touch every part of you.” Dan wanted to give Phil things he’d never had before. Something neither of them had ever had. He slowly moved his hands between Phil’s thighs and lightly circled one finger around his entrance. He loved the way Phil’s legs had parted instantly for him, how open Phil was just for him. “Perfect,” he mumbled again as he slowly slide that finger inside.

Dan always knew exactly what Phil wanted or needed to hear, exactly what would make Phil's body buzz with adoration, heat, want, and he fell back against the bed, no longer propping himself up just from Dan calling him beautiful. He would never forget how Dan had always assured him of that, more than anyone else. Dan had always made Phil special, even before Phil knew he wanted that. "God, Dan," he replied. "You're amazing." He moaned gently as Dan's finger slid into him. His body accepted it easily, knowing and trusting Dan completely. His hips jerked a bit as Dan slowly dragged it back out, and he moaned again as Dan slowly began to work him open, mouth playing at his belly sweetly.

Once he was sure Phil was comfortable, Dan added a second finger slowly. He’d forgotten how tight and hot Phil was around him. He couldn’t help but think about how it would feel to have his cock inside of him instead. He pulled away some, enough so that he could properly start to angle his fingers. “I love you,” he whispered again before taking Phil’s erection in his hand and starting to stroke him gently. With that distraction, he added a final finger, making sure to keep things slow. He stretched his fingers and pressed them further in, trying to find that spot inside of Phil.

Dan's hand engulfed Phil's erection then, and it was a shocking reminder of how big Dan's hands were. They engulfed him so fully, and it just felt so wonderful, the heat of him against Phil. He gasped again, throwing his head back, and found himself panting as he pushed his hips down against Dan's hand. Soon enough, three fingers were pressing into him, crooking against his walls and rubbing against him in the best way. Phil could only moan, letting out soft sighs as he worked his hips down against Dan, helping to stretch himself. "I love you too," he replied, propping himself up again, and then crying out as Dan's fingers finally pressed into his prostate. "Shit, right there!" he moaned, stilling his hips completely as Dan's fingers circled the area, teasing, and putting pressure against him.

“Just like that, baby?” Dan asked, pressing further against Phil, applying as much pressure as he could to the bundle of nervous. He moved his hand faster, just a bit. He wanted this to last forever. “Tell me what to do? Anything you want, love. Anything all,” Dan whispered before deciding to slow his fingers some. “I can’t wait to be inside you though, to feel you so tight and hot around me,” Dan hummed before pulling his fingers all the way out this time. “I could you rim you if you want, suck you if that’s better. Anything you want.”

Phil moaned, nodding his head desperately. "Just like that," he agreed, panting as Dan offered him anything he wanted. He was too busy biting his lip and holding himself back from properly riding Dan's fingers the way he wanted too to reply, but he whined when Dan pulled his fingers out and offered him exactly what Phil would have asked for to begin with. Sitting up, Phil reached down and knocked Dan's hand away from his cock. He wrapped his own fingers around the base to push the pressure in his balls away, and used his other hand to shove Dan back down against the bed. "Gonna - gonna sit on your face," he groaned. "Want you to rim me while I suck you off, get you all wet for me. I want you inside me so bad, Dan. You're so thick. So much more than your fingers, so wonderful and warm. I've missed your cock inside of me so fucking much," he groaned, unable to help it as the sexual tension began to reach a new peak. It didn't hurt like it used to when Phil was desperate just to get off. This felt wonderful, and he felt like he was soaring as he worked to move himself into position to get both him and Dan off. He wanted to be surrounded by Dan, and he couldn't think of a better way than to body worship Dan while Dan body worshiped him with his tongue.

Dan gasped, the words making his cock throb almost painfully. Dan could have gotten off just to hearing Phil say it let alone actually having him do it. “You say…the best things,” Dan shook his head before laughing lightly. He couldn’t help it though. It was overwhelming and it had been so long. Last but not least he could feel Phil’s affection. It wasn’t all lust or a need to climax. He wanted this, and he wanted to share it with Dan, and that in itself was amazing. He got to have Phil, who he loved and loved him in exchange, want to do these hot incredible things to him. He was almost light headed. He let Phil take off his boxers, the last article of clothing he had on, and then repositioned himself. Dan’s hands were on him instantly. He was rubbing at Phil’s burm, spreading Phil for himself, already wanting to taste and to please.

Dan's cock sprung up at him immediately upon Phil removing his boxers, and he moaned at the sight, closing his eyes with desire. He moved into position, hovering over Dan, and shifting down so it was his butt in Dan's face, not his cock. Meanwhile, he pressed his hands to Dan's thighs, starting there as he began leaving kisses and laving at the skin with his tongue. He nudged Dan's cock with his nose, and breathed against it softly as Dan's hands pulled his cheeks apart behind him. "God, you're so beautiful, Dan. Your cock is so gorgeous. I love everything about you," he mumbled, pressing his lips to the head and mouthing at it gently as he worked his fingers against Dan's thighs, just wanting to show him how much he loved to touch his bare skin.

Dan closed his eyes for a moment, groaning at the sound of Phil praising his cock. It was such a turn on for him. It was something he hadn’t even realized would make him start to leak already. “Fuck,” he mumbled as he forced himself not to thrust up into Phil’s mouth. Instead, he focused on lapping at Phil’s entrance, tonging at him and pressing his lips around the tight puckered hole. He moaned around the other again before moving to attempt to to press his tongue further inside of Phil. He wanted the other to feel the full effect. It was difficult in a way, with Phil mouthing at his cock as a distraction.

The first touch of Dan's tongue against his entrance was making Phil's hips wiggle already, and he moaned softly, his mouth slipping further down Dan's cock until he could properly suckle at the tip. Slowly, he began moving down, licking up Dan's shaft as Dan tongued at his rim. The feeling was ridiculously erotic, and he moaned around Dan's cock again. He was panting from the feeling of Dan's wet tongue attempting to press inside of him, and it was making it difficult to focus on what he was meant to be doing, but he was going to do his damn best, wanting to feel pleasure together as he mouthed further down Dan's cock, eyes closed as Dan's tongue dipped in and pressed against his walls.

Eventually, Dan moved one of his hands away from Phil’s cheek, just so he could press a finger inside him while he lapped against Phil’s rim. All the while, the other’s mouth was driving him crazy. He couldn’t help but thrust gently up into the other’s mouth. “Yes, perfect baby,” Dan moaned again, this time adding another finger into Phil’s entrance. He stretched them further, opening him up and making it easier for Dan’s tongue to slip into his hole, that way he could lick and press even more against the sensitive walls.

Before he knew it, Dan was pressing two fingers inside of Phil, stretching his rim wide so Dan could properly press his tongue inside. Dan's hips were stuttering up into his mouth occasionally as well, and Phil could only moan as he shifted his hands to hold himself up on the bed, lips dipping lower and lower as he let Dan mouth fuck him, whining and curling his toes at the feeling of Dan's tongue inside of him, lapping at him. He pulled off of Dan just to whisper, "Just like that, Dan. Use my mouth. Wanna feel you all around me." He pressed his body lower as he moved his mouth back over Dan so they were pressed together tighter, his own hips trembling as he worked to hold himself still, wanting Dan to tongue fuck him, but not wanting to interfere at the same time.

Eventually, Dan managed to work Phil open, keeping him stretched long enough to slide his tongue even further inside of Phil’s entrance, then slowly back out over and over again, his lips pressed right against the other’s tight hot hole. His hips thrusted into Phil’s mouth, still remembering that he wanted to keep his movements shallow. He didn’t want to choke Phil, but he wanted have Phil’s mouth pleasuring him. It didn’t take long for Dan to pull off again, almost breathless. “Baby, I don’t…I don’t want to cum like this and I’m so close already,” Dan hissed out as he forced himself a little further into Phil. “Want to come inside you, mark you on the inside, keep it inside of you for as long as I can.”

Phil's eyes had slipped closed and he could feel dripple dripping down his chin as he tried to focus enough to work his tongue over Dan. Dan's mouth was so hot on his body though, warm and slick as his tongue pressed inside of Phil, and his mouth sucked along his stretched rim. Dan's hips were juttering up into him, but the movements were mostly shallow. Still, Phil could feel Dan's body tensing like he was holding back from coming, and then his boyfriend was pulling away from him to warn him he was close. Immediately, Phil pulled off of his cock and pulled away from Dan, panting and licking his lips as he turned around. "Want that too. Shit, Dan," he moaned. "So good to me. I love you," he moaned, already straddling Dan and grabbing his cock to position him just at his entrance.

Dan couldn’t help but let his head fall back as Phil climbed on top him. His eyes were closed again, and he was doing what he could to get his breathing under control. “I love you too, for so long,” Dan moaned as he felt his cock right at Phil’s entrance. Dan hadn’t even bothered to touch himself while Phil was in treatment. Admittedly, he’d been a bit too miserable, but still. Tonight, he planned on making the other see stars. He wanted to this to be perfect, he wanted Phil to forget his own name by the time it was over.

Phil could see Dan restraining himself, but he was desperate to have Dan pressed into him, so rather than holding out, he let himself sink down on Dan with a low moan until he was fully sheathed inside, and then he pressed his hands to Dan's chest, and gripped hard, reveling in the feeling of Dan's cock buried deep inside of him again after so long. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he moaned, leaning over to kiss Dan, and using his thighs to keep Dan from bucking up into him. "Tell me how long. How long have you loved me?" he asked, trying to distract them both a little from their orgrasms, despite the heat of Dan pressing into him making Phil's legs tremble. "Tell me how much."

“I think the day I asked you to move in,” Dan moaned, his hands finding their way to Phil’s hips, silently urging him on. “I was breaking the rules this whole time,” he added, running a tongue over his dry lips. Phil felt so perfect around him. It was like Dan was meant to be inside the other. He took deep breathes as he tried to keep himself from trying to move. He arched his back some, tilting his head upwards as he silently asked Phil for another kiss. He wanted more.

Phil laughed, groaning a little when Dan's hands pressed into his hips with obvious purpose, but he held out, clenching his thighs and refusing to move. He wanted this to last, and he was going to come if they started too soon. Dan's body arched up into him, and Phil watched with lust filled eyes as Dan pushed up for a kiss that Phil was so quick to give. "If it makes you feel better," he whispered against Dan's mouth. "I was breaking my own rules for longer than I ever realized. If I had been smart, I wouldn't have let you stay my client, but you were always different." Phil pressed his mouth tighter to Dan's, licking into him heatedly and desperately trying to keep from moving. "How much do you love me?" he asked again, begging as he pulled back from the kiss and nuzzled his nose against Dan's.

“I’m glad you kept me as your client,” Dan whispered back, knowing that Phil wasn’t going to give into his movements just yet. “None of this could have happened if you hadn’t.” What was even more rewarding was the fact that Phil was no longer at the agency. They belonged only to each other. The only person Dan wanted was Phil, and he knew Phil felt the same way. “I love you so much, more than anything,” Dan said softly as he nuzzled back against Phil. “There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for you, Phil,” he confessed, wishing he had some better words to describe his love for Phil. “I loved you even when you didn’t think you could love anyone.”

Phil was breathing heavily as Dan spoke, whole body aching from holding back from fucking himself on Dan's cock, but he wanted to just soak in this moment, soak in what Dan was telling him, and cling to it for the rest of eternity. "I love you so fucking much, Dan. You've become my world," he admitted back, and leaned back over to kiss Dan again, legs trembling as he pressed himself closer to Dan's chest, cuddling into him as their tongues tangled together heatedly. "Love you so goddamn much."

In that moment, Dan didn’t care if Phil ever decided to move. As long as he stayed put, close and against him, that would be enough. They could just stay connected like that and he’d tell Phil all the reasons he loved him and how he’d come and changed everything for Dan. Dan couldn’t ever go back to a life without Phil. He kissed Phil back passionately and as affectionately as he could. “Love you more,” he mumbled against the other’s lips.

Phil laughed, pulling back from the kiss to mock glare at Dan. "I promise I love you more," he replied, half seriously, and finally shifted his hips that tiny bit. Dan moaned, eyes flicking closed as Phil watched. For his part, Phil's mouth fell open. How was this better than any other time he'd had sex with anyone, had sex with Dan? One tiny movement and the pleasure was crashing through him like never before, his balls pulling up taught against his body with the desire to come. "Shit," he mumbled. "Dan," he sighed out, and rocked his hips that tiny bit again. "Wanna make you feel so good," he whispered. "Gonna take it nice and slow."

“Please,” Dan gasped, hurrying to nod in agreement. If Phil didn’t take it slow, it wouldn’t last very long at all. He was tempted again to tell Phil that he still loved him more, but every small movement had him moaning and gasping under Phil. “So tight, baby,” he mumbled, his eyes falling shut again as he forced himself to thrust up into Phil like his body wanted. Nothing had ever felt so good before. If that was Phil’s goal, he’d already accomplished it.

Phil moaned softly as Dan's hips bucked up into him, and he braced himself on Dan's chest properly again, feeling so full and connected to Dan. He wanted their hips to stay flush together like this forever, and he shifted his hips lightly again, beginning to slowly move up and down on Dan's cock while Dan began to buck up into him. Dan's movements were more abrupt, aggressively needy, but he kept the pace slow between each one, and Phil knew exactly why. He could feel himself hurtling towards orgasm already, but he didn't want to come. He wanted this slow reunion to take forever, and he leaned over Dan, causing the angle to shift straight into his prostate, to kiss Dan. He moaned lowly into his mouth as Dan bucked up and stimulated him properly. "Love you," he panted against Dan's lips, eyes glazed over with love and pleasure.

“I love you,” Dan said back before moving his lips against Phil again. His love for Phil was more than just love, he just hadn’t found the word yet. “Adore you,” he gasped, again moving his hips some, meeting Phil’s pace. He felt like there was electricity under his skin, buzzing and alive. He hadn’t felt alive since Phil had left. “So much,” Dan cried out. He was never going to let go again, not for anything. Dan squeezed his eyes shut when Phil’s walls tightened down on him some. Dan knew he wouldn’t have to let go.

Phil's entire body seized up in pleasure, and his eyes rolled back just from Dan telling him he adored him. He'd never heard that before - maybe once before from Dan, but not quite in this situation, and it was making Phil want to explode with happiness. He gasped, trying to reply, but no words came out, and instead, he ended up pushing back down against Dan harder, his body contracting around Dan and squeezing him. "Fuuu-hhn-Da-" Phil tried to say, gasping and panting as he jerked his hips along with Dan's slow bucks up into him, forehead falling forward until it was rested against Dan's shoulder. His arms gave out from under him, and he collapsed against Dan, forcing Dan to keep him upright while he fucked up into him.

Dan held Phil up some, whispering soft words, as he continued to keep up his own pace. This moment was everything to him, just like their lives together meant everything. “Love you,” Dan cried out again as he forced their lips together again, trying to say everything he couldn’t in that lip lock. He angled his hips until he was sure he was pressing into Phil’s prostate, hitting it with every thrust. “I don’t know how long I’ll last, Love,” Dan mumbled softly.

Dan's hips shifted as their mouths came back together, and Phil cried out against Dan's lips, huffing into his mouth, trying to focus enough to give everything back to Dan that he could, wanting to make sure Dan felt as loved as he made Phil feel. His tongue traced along the edge of Dan's lips as Dan pulled back to mumble something against him, and Phil was nodding his head furiously as a go ahead, mouth parted with the force of his breathing. He could feel his own orgasm impending, and he reached down to take his cock in hand now that he knew Dan was close, and that this wasn't going to last as long as Phil would hope. It didn't matter. Being claimed by Dan was everything, but Phil would love cuddling with him in bed just as much once this was over.

Dan was trying to hold out for Phil, he wasn’t ready to give up that moment. Still though, he felt the pleasure building in his lower stomach, his balls becoming impossibly tight as he arched his back some. He was pushing into Phil as far as he could before batting his hand away and slowly pumping him instead. Dan wanted to the one who made Phil feel good, and that meant in every single way. “Fuck, Phil,” Dan cried out, teetering on the edge of his climax. “Want you to cum with me, finish with me.”

Dan somehow managed to get his cock deeper inside of Phil, and Phil let out a guttural moan as Dan knocked Phil's hand away from his cock, taking him in his hand instead to finish him off. Dan's voice was loud against Phil's ears as he spoke, and Phil could feel that Dan really was about to give in just from the way his hips pumped up aggressively, from the way his thighs trembled under Phil, and he nodded again, willing himself to finish if only to orgasm with Dan. "Da- Da- DAN!" he screamed, his entire body stiffening as Dan's cock pressed deeper still, and then Phil was clenching down around Dan as he came, cum spurting all the way up Dan's chest as Phil gasped and spasmed around him, feeling Dan coming with him, and filling him up. He gasped again, shaking as his eyes closed and his body took Dan completely. "FUCK!" he shouted, squirming and aching to take everything Dan had to give him.

Dan had forgotten what it felt like to finish inside of Phil like that. To have them both coming undone at the same time, still connected and sharing the same breathtaking, overwhelming feeling. Dan cried out again, fairly certain he was chanting Phil’s name while he did so. His thoughts were nothing but fuzz and his vision had gone white. It seemed to take forever before he could even really start to come down. Or at least breathe properly. “I love you, love forever,” Dan mumbled, pulling Phil flush against him and kissing at any bit of skin he could reach.

It felt like forever before Phil came down. His body was thrumming with pleasure, and he knew he was flushed all over. His muscles felt weak and destroyed as he allowed himself to collapse fully onto Dan, not bothering to even try and attempt to keep from putting his full weight on top of him. It felt like Dan filled him forever as well, coming for longer than he ever had before, and Phil suddenly wondered how long it had been since Dan had allowed himself any pleasure. He rolled his head in Dan's neck, turning to watch as Dan pressed kisses all over his hair, moving down to scatter kisses along his shoulders while he was at it, and smiled blissfully, still feeling a little bit out of it as Dan spoke soft words to him. "Forever," he agreed, the words hoarse from his own desperate scream as his orgasm had hit.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil and sighed again, no thoughts of pulling out crossing his mind. “Forever,” he mumbled back for a second time. He was so blissed out and more comfortable than he’d been in months. He adjusted his hips some before settling back down. He was exhausted, but so happy he thought he start to cry again. He didn’t, of course, but it was the emotions behind it all. He pressed another few kissed to Phil’s shoulder before letting his head fall back against the pillows under him. A brief thought crossed his mind and he smiled softly. Phil wouldn’t be his call boy anymore, but he’d be something so much better. Finally, Dan would wake up to him every day, fall asleep with him every night. Just like Dan had always wanted. There would be no more goodbyes.

Phil grinned against the skin of Dan's neck, and puckered his lips to kiss him. "From now on, I'm only yours," he breathed. "I'll never be your call boy again. I'm just your boyfriend," he mused, wondering if Dan's thoughts were along the same line as his. He laughed at the thought. "I used to ask you to let me be your call boy, but now...I just want to be yours," he hummed, and used the last of his strength to sit up and kiss Dan sweetly on the lips. He laughed when the movement half failed. He'd never get over the fact that he could laugh with Dan, even while they kissed, and allowed Dan to roll them over, never pulling out, to kiss Phil some more. Dan's arms felt warm and secure around him, and Phil never wanted to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that’s left to go is the Epilogue. I hope you guys enjoyed the Call Boy Saga as much as we did writing it <3


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer** : In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
> 
>  **This Part** : 4,752 Words
> 
> For reference, @embarrassing-myself is Dan, @insanityplaysfics is Phil.
> 
>  **Warnings** : finally some fluff, insecurity
> 
> As this chapter is by far the shortest chapter ever for Call Boy, we figured we could post it early as a nice surprise for you all. It’s hard to let go of something that was such a journey to write, edit, and post, but there have been so many of you who gave us such amazing feedback that this will always be something unforgetable. More than anything else, we hope you continue to love this story even now that it’s over, and thank you to all those who stuck with us from the beginning, from the middle, or from the end. Essentially, thank you for reading over 200K words whether you started it today, or 6 months from now, and we sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed the ride as much as we have.
> 
> Thank you to @phansdick for supporting us through the last few chapters. She was a huge help and we couldn't have finished this up without her <3

 

"Dan!" Phil called, groaning a little as he realized he was stuck in the far corner of the room, the window Dan had left open having blown away all the newspapers they'd spread out over the carpet except for the small patch Phil was stood on. "DAN!" he shouted again when his boyfriend didn't immediately heed his call. Though he sounded a little frustrated in an attempt to get Dan's attention, Phil was actually feeling incredibly amused. He and Dan were finally painting the rest of the walls of the room together, and Dan had thought it might help dry them faster if he opened a window. He'd just left the room to get himself a glass of water, and now Phil was stuck in a corner, but he didn't really mind. He was honestly enjoying himself all too much. It only took a few more seconds before Dan appeared, face slathered in the blue paint Phil had pressed there on "accident" just like he'd promised.

It wasn’t until the second time Phil shouted ‘Dan’ that Dan actually started to wonder what exactly was going on. He’d only been gone a minute or so, and yet Phil had somehow managed to need him right then. Wandering back to their bedroom, he laughed when he realized what had happened. “I don’t know, babe. It looks like you’re stuck until it dries,” Dan said, giving Phil a fake look of sadness. “I want to help you but I’ve got paint on my face and you know…tell me when it dries?” Dan laughed, his smile full of mirth. This was by far better than when he'd attempted to paint the first few walls.

Phil groaned, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to appear intimidating, even though he knew he was probably failing from the small smile curving the edges of his cheeks. His heart stuttered every time Dan called him "babe" outside of the bedroom, as he'd been prone to doing since Phil had gotten back three days ago, and it happened again now as Phil tried to keep himself from laughing at Dan's joke. "Your face isn't going to stain the carpet," he complained. "But my feet might if you don't do something about this. I can't even finish the wall!" he groaned, glancing at his paint stained toes. Dan would be more able to create a newspaper path towards Phil then Phil would since all the newspaper had blown towards the door.

Dan couldn’t help but laugh again before giving in. “Well when you put it like it that, I don’t want anything staining the carpet, my face included,” he smirked before moving to sort out the newspapers for Phil, making sure he had enough room to walk back and forth. “Alright, better,” Dan nodded more to himself than Phil, but stepped back to double check that there was in fact enough newspaper. “At least this is looking better. More uh, even and everything.”

Phil's pretend anger melted into a smile quickly enough as Dan started laying out newspaper around the floor again, concentrated mostly on a walkway towards Phil, and then around the wall Phil was still trying to finish painting. He laughed as Dan surveyed what they'd done so far, and rolled his eyes. "Really even, yeah," Phil agreed, teasing. "Come here you idiot. Did you get your water?" he asked, waiting until Dan was close before pressing a soft kiss to Dan's lips, sighing into the contact.

“Yes,” Dan laughed after he returned the kiss. “I got some before I had to come and save you,” he smiled before pulling Phil into another soft kiss. Sometimes he couldn’t believe that it was possible for him to love someone so much. He wondered how something inside of him didn’t burst with unconditional love. “Without you I probably never would have gotten around to finishing our room,” he smirked. He doubted that Phil had any idea how good he was for him.

Phil huffed. "Shut up," he groaned. "It's was your fault I needed saving in the first place. You have no right to complain." Still, Phil accepted his kiss and hummed in pleasure. He was about to thank Dan when his boyfriend spoke up first. "Yeah?" he questioned. "I guess it's a good thing you have me around then," he teased, pushing up on his toes to kiss Dan again. He was never going to get over how much attention Dan gave him, let alone how often he made sure Phil knew how much Dan seemed to need him. Phil was too shy most of the time to reply with the same earnestness, but he felt the same way about how much he needed Dan.

“It’s a great thing,” Dan agreed after another short kiss. He sighed happily before placing his hands on Phil’s hips. “So, I think we still need to go on that date I promised.” It was something he’d wanted to do right off the bat, but for the few days that Phil had been home, it had just been nice to just to relax with him. Dan felt like it was time to take Phil out, though. “What do you think?” he hummed, sending the other another gentle smile.

Phil's smile turned full blown. He hadn't forgotten about Dan's promise to take him on a date, but he had been a bit nervous to bring it up to him and ask if they could go soon. To have Dan bring it up first though was wonderful, and made him giddy. Dan actually wanted to be seen with him, a feat that Phil didn’t truly understand. "Yeah, I think we should definitely get on that," he agreed, growing a bit shy and coy. "Soon?" he requested

"Tonight if you want to," Dan smiled again, "Or at least sometime this week." He was just as excited to take Phil out and show him off, something he hadn't gotten to do yet. "I think at some point you should also meet my friends too," he blurted out, hoping that would be alright with Phil. He wanted for them to meet Phil, to get to know the most important part of Dan's life. "I know they'll love you first thing." He pulled Phil closer and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

Phil's gaze lowered further as he attempted to hide the shy blush creeping into his cheeks. This wasn’t something he was particularly used to, and Dan had been taking advantage of Phil’s lack of comfort in the romance department to make him blush for the last three days. Now was no exception, but before Phil could reply, Dan was blurting out something completely unexpected. "What?" he asked. "Are you sure?" He honestly hadn't thought Dan would...want that. It was one thing to go out in public with Phil, it was an entirely different one to meet his friends. Phil had only even met Dan's family as a means to try and make Dan's mum get off his ass about getting a girlfriend, but this? This seemed out of the realm of possibility. Phil didn't doubt Dan's love for him, but not once, not ever, had someone wanted to show Phil off. He was still stunned at the very thought of it.

For a second, Dan didn’t know what to make of Phil’s surprise. It was like Dan had suggested something completely unexpected and outlandish. “You don’t have to if you don’t want,” he hurried to say, not wanting to put Phil outside of his comfort zone. “I uh-I just want them to meet you. They’re probably already wondering why I haven’t properly introduced you yet, considering they know we got back together. We don’t have to do it right away though.” It would be different than when Phil had met his parents. This time, when Dan told someone they were dating, he could actually mean it. The thought of it made him happy. Dan could to go and on about Phil, had done already, forcing his friends to listen. “I’m just excited to show everyone how I lucky I am,” he smiled softly again at Phil.

For a while, all Phil could do was stare. It was...confusing, to say the least. Dan was looking at him with the utmost sincerity on his face, and his voice was all low and sweet as he promised Phil they didn't have to do anything right away, but that he wanted to show everyone how /lucky/ he was, as if Phil was something to be prized, rather than something to be won. Before he could properly respond, Phil found himself pushing his entire body into Dan, lips pressing up into his. It only took seconds before Phil found them both on the ground, but he didn't care when he climbed up over Dan, holding their lips together passionately. He couldn't help it when he laughed against Dan's lips, reaching up with paint stained fingers to press his hands through Dan's hair.

The longer Phil stared, the more nervous Dan became. Maybe Phil was actually upset by Dan asking, or he was trying to find a way to tell him that was never going to happen? Just before Dan could ask if Phil was alright, he found himself on the floor with a very excited Phil climbing over him. He pressed back into the kiss, laughing softly as well. He figured that would be a yes, a very pleased one at that. His arms wrapped around Phil once again, not bothering to find out if the paint on Phil’s hands was dry. At that moment, he couldn't care less.

With Dan laughing back against him, Phil pressed up further into him, trailing his fingers down Dan's sides teasingly while he kissed him. He was just so full of a giddy happiness that he couldn't help pushing his hands up under Dan's shirt, and before Dan knew what was happening, Phil was digging his fingers into his armpits and tickling him mercilessly, laughing harder when Dan yelped into their kiss. His grin was wider than it had ever been before and he didn't move to hide the way his smile caused his tongue to loll out. Instead, he pressed his lips all over Dan's neck, laughing as he tickled him and Dan laughed back.

“Phil!” Dan laughed, squirming some as he pretended to try and fight Phil off. He let him press a few more kisses to his neck before deciding to flip them over, managing to get the upper hand with his slight height difference. “If I had known you’d be this excited, I would have asked you a long time ago,” he grinned slightly out of breath as he stared down at Phil. Dan wouldn’t ever get over how perfect he was or how beautiful he was. Phil was completely his and that was still mind blowing to him.

Phil was still laughing when Dan managed to roll them over, panting a little at the exertion, but his smile never left his face as Dan smiled down at him, holding his arms to keep Phil from tickling him again. "I love you," he said, struggling to lean up and kiss Dan. Dan leaned over to accept the kiss, and Phil sighed into it. "I don't think PJ's gonna like me, like you think, but I'd...really love to meet your friends," he agreed, grinning wider just at the thought of it.

“Once he gets to know you he will, I’m sure of it,” Dan said trying to sound reassuring. He knew that PJ would come around and Chris would probably like him right away. Dan wanted them to love Phil as much he did. Well, not the /same/ way. He knew though that his friends would see how amazing he was. Dan leaned down some to kiss Phil again and sighed into it. Phil made him so happy, he wanted to think of a million ways to show him that.

In a way, Phil didn't care if PJ ever liked him, but at the same time, he did. Dan's friends were similar to Dan's parents in an odd way, just as necessary to impress, but Phil also knew that not everyone could like him, and he wouldn't blame either of Dan's friends for hating him for leaving Dan the way he had. All that mattered to Phil was having the chance to know them, and not being a secret, though. Eventually, Phil hummed in reply to Dan, kissing him sweetly again. "Okay, let me up. I have a room to paint, and you have a date to plan," Phil teased, more excited than he'd been in a while. The last three days of sleeping in and cuddling in bed all day had been wonderful, even more so for the lack of sex, as Phil didn't crave or need it and they’d both decided they just needed some sweet time between them after thelast few months. Now, though, Phil was ready to go out with Dan for the first time.

Dan pretended to think about it for a few seconds before heaving a forced sigh. “I guess I do have a date to plan, and it would be nice to see our room a solid color for once,” he smirked as he rolled off of Phil. Already, he was wondering where to take him and what to do. It had been so long since he’d been on a date he actually wanted to go on. He climbed to his feet before helping Phil up as well. “Alright, well, you have fun okay? Holler if you need me to save you again,” he smirked as he left Phil to finish. While he was doing that, Dan needed to work out just where he was going to take Phil.

Phil stuck his tongue out at Dan's back when his boyfriend left the room. "Shut up! You know you would jump for me," he teased back, knowing that if he really did need saving Dan would be the first person there for him. He sighed with a small smile as he leaned over to pick up his paint roller to get back to work, already in love with their room, and excited to go on any date Dan might plan for them.

Dan already knew he wanted to take Phil out for dinner, something he knew that Phil would like, but it was a difficult decision to make when Dan wasn’t being given any time to RSVP anywhere. Even with his last name being what it was, there was no way Dan was going to land himself a spot in some of the fancier restaurants. He wanted tonight to be special for Phil, though, wanted to do something bigger than just a walk in the park or a movie. He wanted to show Phil how much he meant to him. He had to think for a bit, but he suddenly had an idea. He knew exactly who he could call to get a good reservation. He just hoped that Phil would enjoy it.

The bedroom took another good hour to finish painting, and then only because Phil was relatively good at it. Dan had finished most of his wall before Phil and kicked him out for being so distracting and terrible, and now Phil was covered in paint from working so hard. He left the window open to help the room dry, and then quickly left the room to take a shower. He wasn't sure if Dan was actually planning the date for that night or not, but he definitely needed to try and get this paint off of him.

Dan called the restaurant while Phil was in the shower so he could make the reservations in secret. It hadn't been too hard to get in, and he hadn’t minded paying a little extra for a table with a view. He knew for a fact that this had to be romantic. Dan was willing to completely shell out, going for the best wine and allowing Phil to get anything he wanted. He just hoped his boyfriend wouldn't concern himself too much with the price. Considering Dan had spent far more on Phil the Call Boy in all his time renting him, Dan didn’t see why tonight should be a problem.

Phil felt renewed once he was done in the shower, having scraped the paint from under his fingernails, and scrubbed the sweat from his skin. He preferred Dan's body wash to his own and had bathed himself in the scent of that before finally getting out of the shower. Grabbing a towel to dry his hair, Phil walked straight out of the bathroom buck naked as he went to retrieve some clothes from his bedroom. He was thankful the closet wall had already been painted, and moved into the lounge with his change of clothes only to be stopped by Dan who handed him a different set of clothes. He laughed as Dan unashamedly looked over his body before giving him the items in his hands.

Before Phil had a chance to grab his own clothes, Dan was in the closet digging something else out. He picked out Phil’s black dress pants and a nice button down shirt, one he’d seen him wear only once before. Afterwards, he grabbed the rest of his essentials before heading to the lounge to wait. Of course Phil wandered out with nothing on. Dan smirked as he took the set of clothes Phil had picked out, and instead handed him his own choice. His eyes trailed over Phil again, letting them linger. “I figured you might want to start getting dressed. I hope you don’t mind the dress clothes?”

Phil grinned shyly. "So does that mean we're going on a date tonight?" he asked, feeling warmth fill him once again. He was quick to get dressed, but the whole time he smirked at Dan, wanting to show off his body a little just because he enjoyed Dan's admiring looks. "Where are we headed?" he questioned, already growing excited.

Dan watched as Phil pulled on his clothes, letting himself admire every curve and angle, and every inch of flawless skin. "Okay so hear me out," Dan laughed lightly as he explained. "I figured dinner at this nice place I know? I wanted to do something romantic, and taking you to the movies didn’t seem like enough. Only. It might be a little bit expensive, and I really don’t want you to worry about the money,” Dan continued. “So, for one night, can you just let me spoil you?”

At first, Phil was a little nervous hearing what Dan had to say, unsure where this was going, but when he heard that Dan wanted to be more romantic than a movie date, he immediately blushed and looked down. He couldn’t help how shy he felt. He’d never been spoiled like this before. “Okay, but only if I get to spoil you next time,” Phil agreed. “And maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll get a kiss at the end of the night…” he teased, looking away coyly.

“I’ll consider it,” Dan replied, nudging Phil softly with a small smirk. “But I definitely think I’ll be getting a kiss at the end of it,” he said as he pulled Phil in close. He’d never really been good at picking out dates or finding something fun to do, but Phil seemed happy enough, and Dan couldn’t help thinking maybe he’d done alright after all. “I guess I should grab my shoes and things,” he laughed, finally letting Phil go in order to finish getting ready. He wanted the evening to be perfect, for Phil to truly be happy with it.

Phil nodded, watching Dan leave for their bedroom, a thought he would never get over. He loved that they shared everything now, and he sighed as he pulled on the pair of socks Dan had brought him. He could get his shoes at the door, and then Dan could drive them to whatever restaurant he'd picked out. Phil still couldn't believe he was actually about to go on a date with Dan, and he smiled happily, having to bite back a delighted laugh.

After they’d both managed to grab their shoes, Dan was locking up and ushering them out the door. The restaurant wasn’t terribly far though, and the trip didn’t take too long. Long enough for Dan to get a bit nervous, though. He shouldn’t be, it was just Phil. In reality, he knew that that was the exact reason he was nervous in the first place. He walked Phil inside and they were greeted right away by the host. “Table for Howell.”

Phil felt his nerves starting to take hold as Dan drove them to the restaurant, and he took deep breathes as quietly as possible as Dan reached over to take his hand. He didn't want to feel so nervous, but it was difficult when this was the first date he'd ever been on. When he thought about it, no one had ever taken him out. To add to that, this was Dan, who Phil loved despite all the odds, and who, amazingly, loved him back. By the time they got to the restaurant. Phil was sweating bullets.

Dan took the other’s hand in his as their host found his name on the list. “Yes, let me show you to your seats,” the man smiled and lead them over to a table in the far corner of the room, right next to the window like Dan had requested. “Alright gentlemen, a waiter will be with you shortly,” the man smiled before heading back to the front. Dan was quick to pull Phil’s chair out for him, giving him a small smile in the process.

Phil nearly swooned when Dan pulled his chair out for him, and sat in a daze, taking the moment to glance around the restaurant and realize just how high end the place actually was. He looked around in awe, eyes wide as he took in the vaulted ceilings and dim, ambient lighting. "This place must be expensive," he mumbled, turning back to dan. "You didn't have to," he began, but his heart was fluttering with love and he was so, so happy that Dan had picked this place, because Phil felt properly adored.

"I didn't have to, no," Dan laughed as he got himself seated. "But I wanted to. You deserve it." Dan was willing to give Phil anything and only best would do. "It's our first date, I wanted to make a good first impression," he grinned teasingly. He wanted this to be the first of many, and hoped he could awe Phil over and over again. It seemed like only seconds later before the waiter was there taking their order for drinks. "Is wine alright with you?" Dan asked, not wanting to order something Phil wasn't going to like.

Phil was going to implode. Dan's eyes were soft, his voice sincere, and he offering to get them /wine/. "Wine’s perfect," Phil replied dreamily, having already decided he was going to let Dan order for him as well, unsure what would be good here. He smiled dopily at Dan as the waiter left with their order, and reached over to take Dan's hand. "Did I say I've never been on a date before?" Phil murmured, eyes lowered shyly and heart doing mini cartwheels in his stomach.

Dan recalled how Phil had told him once before, but that didn't mean his heart didn't still ache over it. "You've mentioned it, so I want you to have an amazing first date ever," he smiled, but it still hurt. He couldn't understand how nobody had ever seemed to cherish Phil the way he did or appreciate the other. Phil meant the world to him, he deserved so much more. Just knowing that nobody had even tried to treat him right bothered Dan. "I want to take you every chance I get."

Phil laughed, ducking his head all over again. "Yeah?" he asked, amazed. "I think I could be on board for that," he agreed, and squeezed Dan's fingers in his. He gazed around the restaurant again, amazed, before turning back to Dan. "How'd you even manage to get a reservation here on such short notice? I really hope you aren't breaking the bank," he accused, though he knew that Dan wasn't poor. He'd been able to afford Phil for entire days at a time, and Phil was far from cheap when he was with the agency.

“The owner’s wife was my client last year,” Dan admitted with a small smile. “That might have played a small part in getting in.” It wasn’t like Dan always used that perk to get into places or to bend people’s will. Sometimes knowing the right person helped a lot though. He wouldn’t lie about that. “No, it’s not that bad. Just, more than somewhere else might be,” Dan said, shaking his head with a small pleased laugh. “My bank account’s been in a lot better since you moved in,” he added lightly.

Phil nodded. He wasn't all that surprised that Dan got perks from being people's lawyers sometimes, but he also understood that Dan probably didn't use that to his advantage very often. Phil knew Dan too well to think that. He burst into laughter at Dan's other comment though, and nodded, because he could see that. "Was it worth it?" he mumbled softly, curiously.

Dan didn't even have to think about the question. "It was worth every bit. More than worth it," he answered back just as softly. "The only thing I wish I could change was that I had met you sooner. And that I could have protected you from everything," he frowned as he reached over and took Phil's hand in his own. "For me, you're absolutely perfect. I love everything about you. You're priceless."

Phil's heart literally did a nosedive in the best way at that, and he laughed, feeling his face heat up terribly. "I love you so much, Dan," he replied, and if three months apart hadn't been enough to make Phil able to say those three words, he was sure tonight would have brought it out of him. "You're the absolute best boyfriend," he added, if for no other reason than he was so giddy with the feeling of love filling his chest. "I am so glad I met you, late or not." Phil didn't care if they were in a fancy restaurant, he leaned over, then, to kiss Dan sweetly, sighing at the much needed contact.

Dan returned the gentle kiss before pulling back and smiling widely. "Me too, always." He pressed another quick kiss to Phil’s lips before sitting back. "I know it's sappy, but I'm sort of sappy in general, so… I just want to say I'm so glad you're here with me. That I got this chance to be with you." Dan didn't want to think about life without Phil. Thankfully, he didn't have to. "I just want to focus on the future and on all the things we're going to do together."

Phil laughed, nodding. "Me too," he agreed, and sighed, squeezing Dan's hand one more time before letting it go. The waiter returned with their wine then, and poured them a glass each. Phil stopped Dan from taking a sip when he left, leaving the bottle of wine behind too, and lifted his own glass. "To us, then. If we're going to do everything else sappy, might as well do this too," he said, smiling, and clinked his glass with Dan's before taking the first sip of the wine Dan had bought them. He sighed, enjoying the taste and swirling it around his mouth to fully savor it before swallowing. No matter what else happened tonight, Phil already knew that this was going to be the perfect first date, and that he would never want anyone more than he wanted Dan.

"To us," Dan agreed, following Phil's sip. He could still remember back to the very beginning when he'd offered to let Phil pour his own wine. He couldn't help but smile at the memory. They'd come such a long way from where they'd been. Dan looked at Phil softly before sighing softly. He loved him so much and he didn't ever want to let that feeling go.


End file.
